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TVTranscript
00:13I'm feeling all the emotions right now.
00:16Happy, scared, upset, thankful, grateful.
00:20Congratulations, Ms. Cracker.
00:22That was a lot.
00:23We lost a great competitor.
00:25We really did.
00:26And a friend.
00:26Let's just lay that out there.
00:28Like, Alexis is incredible.
00:30Absolutely.
00:31I am really glad that it worked out the way it did,
00:34because I did not want that decision on my shoulders.
00:39What decision did you make?
00:44I really wanted to avoid an awkward moment.
00:47But I thought long and hard about my decision,
00:49and the lipstick that I chose was Alexis.
00:56I want to punch you in the face so hard right now,
00:58because you really made me think, like, you chose me or her or her.
01:00I just found you.
01:02I was like, what an awkward moment.
01:04For real.
01:05You really had me going for a second,
01:06because I really thought you were heavily considering sending me home.
01:09I feel like you may have been nervous,
01:10because we've had friction before,
01:12and we have our problems every day,
01:13because they were so different.
01:15But I was just putting all of that in the waistband, you know,
01:18and just really thinking about,
01:19is this a person that can bring the future of drag?
01:23Well, thank you so much.
01:24I want to see what's inside the box.
01:26Do you want me to open the box?
01:28Oh, yes.
01:28What's in the box?
01:29Let's have a look.
01:31Oh, my gosh, I'm so nervous.
01:33Alexis.
01:36Alexis.
01:38Alexis.
01:40And Blair.
01:42Which is most likely from Alexis.
01:44Yeah.
01:46Makes you realize that, like, this all can go away in seconds.
01:49But I'm seriously so grateful to you guys.
01:51You are a fierce queen.
01:53You're a fierce competitor.
01:54And every single week, I'm always excited to see what you do.
01:57And I wanted to see more.
02:00And also, maybe just a little bit on a personal note,
02:03there was this piece of me that was just like,
02:04this is a little bit of self-preservation, too.
02:06I feel like there is still so much left un-figured out with Alexis.
02:11But I do feel a sense of relief knowing that I don't have to look over my shoulder.
02:16I do want to say that I am so proud of all of us.
02:20Yeah, girl.
02:20Repeat after me.
02:21We are the top four.
02:23We are the top four.
02:26Now, with that said, there's just one crowd.
02:31And y'all bitches know me.
02:33I am going to fight until the end.
02:35I ride the subway in New York.
02:36Mm-hmm.
02:37So I fight every day.
02:39In drag.
02:40And just because I have not won a challenge, do not count me out.
02:43Whoa, nobody's counting you out.
02:44You in the top four, bitch?
02:45Because, bitch, I am still here with the same drive, passion, and desire.
02:48Good.
02:48I feel like there's big goggles on me to win this next challenge.
02:52Because I need that to get the finale.
02:54I need that to get the end.
02:55All I'm saying is, don't nobody throw no pearls out there on the stage.
02:58Oh.
02:59No, I'm just going to put some glass shards in your makeup.
03:01Yeah.
03:02When I tell you it is going to be a race to the finish line,
03:04it is going to be a full gallop.
03:08I am still wearing this hair.
03:10I don't care what anyone says.
03:13The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars receives a one-year supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills Cosmetics,
03:19a coveted spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame, and a cash prize of $100,000.
03:25With our extra special guest judges, Sam Richardson and Jane Krakowski.
03:31We're a drag race.
03:32We're the best woman.
03:33Best woman.
03:34We're the best woman.
03:36We're the best woman.
03:40Bam!
03:41Ladies and gentlemen, it is the top four, and this group of girls is the ass.
03:46Love you all.
03:47Bam.
03:47Be.
03:48Your.
03:49Best.
03:50But.
03:51Be happy.
03:51Happy.
03:52Ass.
03:53Oh, excellent.
03:55All Stars 5, dummy.
03:56A has 5.
03:57I saw ass that first, too.
03:59I was like, ass.
04:00I love ass.
04:01Sickening, no?
04:01The four girls that are here, this is exactly what I saw from day one.
04:05And it's happening.
04:06Like my ruffles, let's gather.
04:09Yes!
04:10Yeah.
04:11This week, for Rue, it may come down to a lock of hair, a seam, a stumble, a slip, a
04:18stutter.
04:18They're looking at the nitty gritty little tiny details.
04:21Yeah, yeah.
04:21You know, may the best woman win.
04:24Woo!
04:25Girl!
04:25She not ready to have hers.
04:28Hey, All Stars.
04:30Hey.
04:30So, a queen walks out of a bar and into the Drag Race Hall of Fame.
04:37But first, she's gotta put her money where her funny is.
04:43And I'm not joking, bitch.
04:45Where are the jokes?
04:49Oh, my gosh.
04:51Comedy.
04:51You're the comedy queen, girl.
04:53Yeah.
04:53This is a lot of pressure.
04:56Hello, hello, hello.
05:00And then there were four.
05:02Wow.
05:03We are down to it.
05:05Oof.
05:06For this week's Maxi Challenge, you'll face off in a stand-up comedy smackdown.
05:14Hashtag All Stars 5.
05:16Each of you needs to work up a comedy routine that is jam-packed with jokes.
05:20Yuck yucks.
05:21You know, ha ha's.
05:22Hee hee hee hee hee.
05:23I'm drinking champagne.
05:25Now, later today, you'll try out your material with the hilarious Ross Matthews
05:30and a mystery funny lady.
05:34Oh.
05:36And tomorrow, you'll perform in front of a live audience at RuPaul's Shady Shack.
05:41Okay.
05:41It's right off Route 5.
05:43Route 5.
05:45Now, Ms. Cracker, you were the top All-Star last week, so you get to choose the order in which
05:50the queens appear.
05:52Oof.
05:52And remember, this is the challenge that determines who makes it to the grand finale of All-Stars.
06:00Which is no laughing matter.
06:03Or is it?
06:05I feel very attacked.
06:08All-Stars, start your engines and may the best woman win!
06:17Okay.
06:18Oh, we have little notebooks and everything.
06:21This week's maxi challenge is a stand-up comedy smackdown.
06:25This decides who's going to make it to the finale.
06:34Your girl is not the most confident about doing stand-up.
06:38I mean, Juju is really funny.
06:41Cracker is hilarious.
06:42She does stand-up in her show all the time.
06:44Blair has been cracking the judges up all season.
06:46But for me, having to, like, structure and write jokes is not necessarily my forte.
06:52So, this is definitely going to be a challenge.
06:58So, anybody coming up with any fun jokes?
07:02Knock, knock.
07:03Who's there?
07:04Who's there?
07:04Nobody.
07:05Nobody who?
07:06Nobody, because I'm so lonely.
07:08Oh, wow.
07:09Ladies and gentlemen, Juju D.
07:10Hey!
07:12Girl.
07:14Honestly, I think Blair could win this because all she has to do for five minutes is this.
07:21Girl, don't give away my secrets.
07:23Don't give away my secrets.
07:24I have not been known to be a comedian, but I'm embracing my funny.
07:28What you got?
07:29Because not only am I hungry for a win right now, I'm starving for it.
07:32I need it.
07:33I depend upon a win right now to survive in this competition.
07:36So, Ms. Director.
07:38Yeah.
07:38Do you want to tell us what order we're going in?
07:39As the winner of last week's challenge, I get to pick the order of performers.
07:43So, guess what?
07:45Nobody's getting a good spot.
07:46Girl, I could pretend that I don't know what I'm doing and I'm just, like, trying to decide, but I
07:51immediately knew what I want to do.
07:53Now, I want to start by saying that everyone can shine no matter where they are in the show.
07:59But as your sister, I want to try to fuck you guys up as much as possible.
08:04Understandable.
08:04So, I think the worst place to be in a comedy show is opening.
08:10Because everyone's been sitting there waiting for the show to start.
08:13And they're, like, deciding whether they want to have a good time or not at all.
08:16So, I want to put Juju in the beginning.
08:19Because you are so strong, I want to put you in the toughest position.
08:27Great, thank you.
08:28Yeah, you're welcome.
08:29Ms. Cracker.
08:30Oof.
08:31Shady.
08:32Blair, you've been extremely funny this season, which pisses me off.
08:37So, the best thing I can do to you would be to put you right after Juju, who's also been
08:42very consistently funny.
08:45Okay.
08:45Hopefully, that will intimidate you and blah, blah, blah, blah.
08:52Girl.
08:53And if you trip, I will look good after you.
09:00I'm going to go when everyone's warmed up.
09:02I'll be the third one.
09:03And then, last of all, I want to put you.
09:07Because no matter how well you do, in people's minds, they'll be like, oh, am I just remembering her because
09:12she was the last one?
09:13And they may discount and discredit what you accomplished.
09:16Yeah.
09:17Gorgeous.
09:17I actually see True Colors coming out now.
09:20Yeah.
09:20This is a competition.
09:21I'm sorry if some people's toes are getting stepped on, but I don't want any other feet in the spotlight.
09:27All's fair in love and war.
09:28Okay.
09:29And definitely Drag Race.
09:35Oh, my gosh.
09:36Hi.
09:37Juju Jane.
09:38Jane Juju.
09:38Hi, Jane.
09:39So nice to meet you.
09:40It's great to see you.
09:41Are you ready to 30 rock your type five?
09:43It's time for my rehearsal.
09:45And who's there?
09:46None other than legendary actress and famous funny lady, Jane Krakowski.
09:51Whoa.
09:52Her eyes.
09:54Where do I buy eyes like that?
09:55Because I want to sit.
09:56I'm opening up the whole show because Ms. Cracker won last week's challenge and she chose me to open up.
10:02I actually think that's an asset to you tomorrow.
10:04Yeah?
10:04Yeah.
10:05Because you set the stage for where the jokes in your set are going to be.
10:09They're not going to get compared to anybody else's.
10:11And I think that's a great advantage.
10:13Okay.
10:14That's really good to hear because I thought she was setting me up.
10:17Oh, Ms. Cracker, you thought you was going to get me, bitch.
10:20You helped me out.
10:21Sister?
10:22What's the plan?
10:23All right.
10:23So.
10:26Already funny.
10:27I am Jujubee.
10:28You may know me from that one time you had sleep paralysis.
10:31Wait.
10:31Sleep paralysis?
10:32Yeah.
10:33Okay.
10:33What do you mean by that?
10:34Like I'm the monster in the corner of the room.
10:36Okay.
10:37I didn't get that, you know?
10:39Yeah.
10:39Okay.
10:39I didn't get it either.
10:40Keep going.
10:41I want to see more.
10:42You may know me from the STDs that I gave you.
10:45I wouldn't open with the STD.
10:46Okay.
10:47Let us learn something else about you first.
10:49That's what they tell me on my dates.
10:51Yeah.
10:51You shouldn't lead with the STDs.
10:52Yeah.
10:53A lot of the jokes aren't landing the way that I think that they would.
10:56Because I feel like maybe those jokes would work in a room of six people.
11:00You know?
11:00A quiet room of six people.
11:02Maybe my cats.
11:03Do you have other jokes too?
11:04Can we go to maybe a different section?
11:05Okay.
11:06So I'll go to this part.
11:07I'm 35.
11:08Single.
11:09Emotionally unavailable.
11:09The type of guy I'm really attracted to is the kind that will steal my money and help
11:13me look for it.
11:15I'm also really broke.
11:16And I love scavenger hunts.
11:20That was all part of one joke.
11:22I know.
11:22I don't know if it's working or not, but I'm laughing.
11:25Is that too much?
11:26Or was it not enough?
11:27Or...
11:27I just...
11:28I don't know that I can...
11:30They're complicated.
11:30They are complicated.
11:31But it's a different style of comedy.
11:32Yes.
11:32And I don't know if that's what you want to do in this challenge or in this room.
11:35People have to really listen.
11:36Just remember the formula of funny.
11:39Okay.
11:39You gotta set us up.
11:40You gotta surprise us.
11:42And you gotta land a punchline.
11:43Well, now I'm worried.
11:45No, don't be worried.
11:46Don't be nervous.
11:47You have it naturally in you.
11:48So I think you need to trust it.
11:49I feel like Juju has to work on the structure of some of her jokes.
11:53I actually like the intellect and the thought that went behind it.
11:55But as of today, they weren't fully realized.
11:58Make us laugh tomorrow.
11:59I will make you cry.
12:03With laughter.
12:08Hello!
12:09Hello!
12:09Oh my god!
12:11Oh my god!
12:12Hi!
12:12I'm a big follower of yours on Instagram.
12:15Oh, I'm a follower of yours too.
12:16The feeling's mutual.
12:18It's the most beautiful Instagram feed I've ever seen.
12:21I didn't know you could take such beautiful photographs.
12:23Claire, I know you don't think of yourself as a comedy queen.
12:26Girl, I'm nervous.
12:26Not gonna lie.
12:27Comedy is not necessarily my sixth sense.
12:30Well, you've been really stepping into your own this whole season.
12:34So now is your chance to show us that you got comedy chops as well.
12:38Yeah, I think I do.
12:39I know I do.
12:39Well, why don't we start talking about it and start doing it?
12:42So Juju Bee is right before me.
12:43So I would like to kind of segue off of her into myself.
12:47Thank you, Juju Bee.
12:49Nice try.
12:51Already funny.
12:52Simple.
12:53Great.
12:53Funny.
12:54And you're gonna get the audience to laugh right away.
12:56And that is crucial because then they trust you.
12:58Right.
12:59Great beginning.
13:00Okay.
13:00I really wanted to educate everyone on one of my favorite people.
13:04Unfortunately, she was unavailable.
13:06So, Ross Matthews will do.
13:07That's great.
13:08Now, I know people might be wondering, who is Ross Matthews?
13:12Uh-huh.
13:12Careful.
13:13I know.
13:13I'm kidding.
13:14This is out of love.
13:15I'm just kidding.
13:16Go there.
13:17Ross Matthews is so gay.
13:18How gay is he?
13:20The only thing higher than his voice is his estrogen level.
13:23Ah!
13:23This is good.
13:24Good.
13:25It's quite impressive that you got so many jokes there.
13:27Yeah.
13:27Well done.
13:28The game has been so up.
13:29She just gets better and better and better.
13:31And I was so impressed with how much material she came out with today.
13:35Thank you guys so much.
13:39Hello.
13:42Say hi to Jane Krakowski.
13:44This is one of those times where they do like a special cutaway to where I talk about
13:48how much I love you.
13:51I love Jane Krakowski.
13:53She's a legend.
13:55She's funny.
13:56She can sing.
13:56She can dance.
13:57The house down.
13:58Pleaser boots.
13:59She's amazing.
14:00So, first of all, I want to know is that entire workbook all material?
14:03Yeah.
14:04This is like my brain.
14:05It's amazing.
14:06I love comedy so much.
14:08This is your challenge, right?
14:09Yeah.
14:10Yeah.
14:10So what are you gonna do?
14:10I kind of want to come out and give them like a TED talk.
14:14Can you give us a sample?
14:15Show us what you got.
14:16I want to make sure we're on the same page about what is drag.
14:20What I want you to know about drag is that it is anybody who feels like there is no such
14:27thing as to...
14:28I'm gonna stop you right there though.
14:29It's been a bit since we've had a joke.
14:31Yeah.
14:31I think it's really wise to get a joke in right away because it'll then make us comfortable
14:36and ready to laugh for the rest of your set.
14:38Give us a little more.
14:38I can't believe that you guys have come out of your house to see this.
14:42If you want to see a bunch of rich people pretend to hate each other for money, why don't you
14:46watch Congress on C-SPAN at home for free?
14:48Mm-hmm.
14:49Too topical?
14:50Too, yeah, I don't know.
14:51There's a lot of words.
14:52You know what I'd love to see you do in this challenge?
14:54Make yourself laugh.
14:55Yeah.
14:55You know what I mean by that?
14:57It's like when you see a comic up there who kind of is really enjoying themselves, we
15:02can't help but laugh.
15:03I also want to say I want you to be in it.
15:06Yeah.
15:06Don't just recite the jokes.
15:07Yeah.
15:08Ms. Cracker is a very, very funny queen, right?
15:11Yes.
15:12But she is also a very, very thoughtful queen in that she has so many thoughts.
15:16She's got to get out of her own way and just be funny.
15:20The only thing between you and winning this week is going to be you.
15:23Okay.
15:24Okay?
15:24Bye, Cracker.
15:25Bye.
15:26Oh, they're all so sweet.
15:28I just want them all to do so well because I think there's nothing more frightening than
15:32having to stand in front of a mic and just bare your soul and hopefully be funny and make up
15:36jokes.
15:37Oh, and by the way, if you bomb, the entire world's going to see it.
15:39Right, right.
15:40I have a lot of nerves because most of my funniness comes from dialogue versus like having to sit down
15:46and like write and structure jokes and make sure there's a punchline.
15:49That's a completely different.
15:50Completely different thing.
15:51Different, different thing.
15:52Yeah.
15:52The nerves can give you adrenaline but you don't want the nerves to put a wall up between you
15:56and the audience.
15:57Why don't you show us a little bit of what you have planned?
15:59Okay.
15:59Well, if you don't already know, my name is Shay.
16:03Ms. Coulee, if you're nasty.
16:04I'm an Aquarius.
16:05My favorite color is fluorescent beige.
16:08I'm fond of toy poodles and I love long romantic walks to the bank.
16:14Okay.
16:16Um...
16:16Ross and Jane are like...
16:19They're not really laughing.
16:21It's more so like, that was a nice effort.
16:24Do you have any comedic heroes or comedic styles that you want to emulate?
16:30Um...
16:31You know what Whoopi Goldberg's so good at?
16:32What?
16:33Is when she talks to the audience, she really has this way of just saying,
16:36man, this happened to me, man.
16:37And it was...
16:38And we can all relate.
16:39I think you kind of have that quality too.
16:42It's a wonderful reference.
16:43Yeah.
16:43You see that?
16:44So it might be interesting to make some jokes about your experience
16:47and that epic moment with Sasha Velour.
16:50It's very unique to you.
16:52I still haven't been able to quite laugh about that experience yet.
16:56Shay, you've already come here and middle finger up to that experience, right?
17:00Yeah.
17:00You've proven it.
17:01You've won challenges by looking that experience in the face.
17:04The next phase of your whole process could maybe be laughing about it.
17:07And you might get the audience to go, oh, she went there.
17:10If Shay allows herself to go there, Shay could go all the way.
17:16I'd like to see you get to that point in your process.
17:18And I think you're there, babes.
17:19Okay.
17:20I've definitely been, like, healing from the disappointment that I felt from Season 9.
17:25But to take those moments that have been triggering and find a way to turn them into a punchline.
17:31I'm like, am I ready for that?
17:33Bye.
17:38Let's go, funny ladies!
17:40Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
17:43Today, we are performing a comedy-
17:46Today, we are performing a comedy routine at RuPaul's Shady Shack.
17:50Cut the pickle, cut the pickle.
17:53Come on baby, cut the pickle, tickle, tickle.
17:57After the coaching session with Jane and Ross, I am ready to take on the world.
18:01Yeah, I'm, like, scared, but I'm also not gonna fuck up in front of Jane Krakowski.
18:05Are these mine?
18:09Oh, yeah, they're mine.
18:12Wow, I'm sorry.
18:13I had some Tums and ginger ale.
18:15I'm so nervous.
18:17My stomach has been in knots since yesterday afternoon.
18:23Rasa Jane basically asked me to start from scratch,
18:26and I was not able to come up with any material until this morning.
18:32Oh, wow.
18:33So I'm completely freaking out.
18:37What you wearing that for, Miss Vine?
18:39I'm wearing this for the challenge.
18:42What?
18:43Girl, I am stir-fried, shaken.
18:46Just because I look beautiful doesn't mean I'm going to be funny.
18:48If my comedy is not going to be that good, I might as well look drop-dead gorgeous.
18:56So how was your rehearsal yesterday with the coaches?
18:58I had so much fun. They were cackling.
19:00They were saying, like, you have material, you have jokes.
19:02They were like, just narrow down on your best jokes because I have a lot of material.
19:06But, like, just have fun, let loose, and just enjoy the time you're on stage.
19:10Oh, my God, they loved me.
19:12They couldn't stop laughing.
19:14I have too much material.
19:19Bitch.
19:20I kind of feel like maybe I was a little hard on you when I thought you were trying to
19:25set me up to fail.
19:27I think it was more of a gift because I get to go out there, be the first one, set
19:30the tone, make people laugh, and y'all bitches have to follow me.
19:33So your jokes have to hit as hard as mine.
19:35Mm-hmm.
19:36When I told everyone their placement, people acted like I was planning to unplug the spotlight during this set.
19:41And I'm like, no, I am definitely throwing a challenge away, but each spot has its own advantage.
19:46I think you underestimate me because you put me before you.
19:51So I think you should watch out, girl.
19:54My rehearsal with Ross and Jane felt great, and being comfortable on stage and delivering a routine, no problem.
20:01I'm a theater queen.
20:03I'm so thrilled to be going last.
20:06Truly, honestly, I couldn't thank you enough.
20:10Like, honestly?
20:11No.
20:13I think this is the scaredest I've been this entire competition because here we are, like, at the end.
20:17You know, last time I was in the top four, um, didn't quite make it past that.
20:25We're so close to the finish line, and I do not want to get close like I did in season
20:30nine and choke.
20:31Seriously, if I bomb this, it could potentially be enough for these other queens to be like, well, guess we
20:38can send her home.
20:40So all I keep telling myself is, I can do this.
20:43I have to do this.
20:48Come on!
20:49Come on!
20:50Come on!
20:51Come on!
20:56Come on!
20:57Come on!
20:59Come on!
21:00Come on!
21:01Come on!
21:03Come on!
21:04Come on!
21:04Come on!
21:05Come on!
21:05Come on!
21:05Come on!
21:05Come on!
21:07Welcome to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race All-Stars.
21:10My favorite punchline, Michelle Visage.
21:14Do you know any good jokes?
21:15What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
21:17I don't know.
21:18Hell if I know.
21:22The hilarious Ross Matthews.
21:24Hey, Ru, what do gay horses eat?
21:27I don't know. What do gay horses eat?
21:27Hey, girl, hey!
21:32The fabulous Sam Richardson. Welcome.
21:35Ru, how many drag queens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
21:37I don't know. How many drag queens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
21:39Two, actually. One to screw it in, another one to say, hey, you're my light, bitch.
21:45That would be me.
21:46Exactly.
21:46And from the series Dickinson, the luminous Jane Krakowski.
21:51Now, Jane, I hear you're fighting off a case of laryngitis.
21:54I'm allergic to wig dander.
21:58Well, you in trouble, girl.
22:01Ru, why did the blonde drag queen cross the road?
22:04I don't know. Why did the blonde drag queen cross the road?
22:06Because she's a whore.
22:10I know her.
22:13This week, we challenged our drag queens to tickle us with their funny bones as they face off in a
22:19stand-up comedy smackdown.
22:21And on the runway, category is a freak out.
22:25All stars, start your engines.
22:28And may the best woman win.
22:32From RuPaul's Shady Shack, welcome to the stand-up comedy smackdown with beverages provided by Mickey's West Hollywood.
22:47Welcome to RuPaul's Shady Shack.
22:50It's the grand opening, okay?
22:51And I want to say I am so happy to see all of you here.
22:55I see some new faces.
22:56I see some old faces.
22:58I see some new old faces.
23:00Work.
23:01No, really, like lots and lots and lots of work.
23:05Jay, your lips.
23:07Michelle, your titties.
23:08And you over here.
23:09I know them shoulders are fake, baby.
23:11You won't bone with those shoulders.
23:15Ross, I am so glad you're here tonight.
23:17People don't know that you actually wrote a book.
23:20Oh, sorry.
23:21Wait, wait, wait.
23:21Blair.
23:22So a book is a whole bunch of pages with words.
23:25Ross, you know I love you, and I did try to buy your book online.
23:27And it basically said people who bought this book also searched for chardonnay, lip gloss, a life.
23:36Anyway, I noticed that Gwyneth Paltrow wrote the intro to your book.
23:41Isn't it upsetting that the lady who could convince millions of women out there to stick stones in their pussy
23:46still not be able to convince them to buy your book?
23:53I wish I had one blonde joke, but she's sitting over there.
24:01Now, I think I've been a little harsh tonight, but you know what?
24:03This ain't RuPaul's best friend race.
24:05Michelle already won that.
24:08And Michelle, I think of you like I think of my mom.
24:12Resentfully.
24:14I'm Jujubee.
24:15Good night!
24:19Thank you, Jujubee.
24:23Nice try.
24:25Michelle Visage is here.
24:27I've been told by many that she's the first lady of Jersey.
24:31The very first.
24:32Of all time.
24:35Sounds right.
24:38Now, I can't really make fun of age.
24:40I mean, people say all the time,
24:42Blair, you look so young.
24:45But I am a grown gay man, and I do eat ass.
24:50With the crust cut off.
24:53Now, speaking of crusty assholes,
24:56Sam Richardson is here tonight, everyone.
25:00That's all.
25:02And Jane Krakowski, it is so inspiring to have you with us tonight as well.
25:06You know, I just can't understand how you keep escaping from the old folks' home.
25:17Ross is so important to this show.
25:20I mean, it only took ten years of constant appearances
25:23for RuPaul to finally make him a permanent judge on the show.
25:26I mean, what?
25:28Was Topic Hall busy?
25:32I'm just kidding.
25:33I think what you do here is so valuable.
25:35I mean, every Destiny's child needs its Michelle.
25:40And every judging panel needs that one person
25:43to make the guest judges feel just that much more famous.
25:49Oh, I do declare, this is a dumpster fire.
25:52If you love me tonight, my name is Blair St. Clair,
25:55and if you hated me, it's Derrick Barry.
26:01Oh, my goodness!
26:04Hello!
26:05My name is Miss Cracker,
26:07and I am so happy to see people.
26:10I don't know if you know this,
26:12but if you are a Drag Race contestant,
26:14they do not let you socialize, like, at all.
26:18They say this is, like, the Olympics of drag.
26:21No.
26:22This is, like, um,
26:23Gaytonamo Bay.
26:24Please, please help me.
26:27Um, I am a New Yorker,
26:29but, like, not in a mean way.
26:31Um, I am a Jew.
26:33So I get to say it that way.
26:35You do not.
26:36Um, but most importantly,
26:38I am a drag queen.
26:41I've been telling these girls from the beginning,
26:42like, let's just be nice to each other tonight,
26:44but I guess I'm like Shea Coulee's music,
26:46because nobody listens to me.
26:47You know what I'm saying?
26:49There's this stereotype that drag queens have to be, like,
26:53beautiful in their makeup and glamorous and everything,
26:55but that is not necessarily true.
26:57Look at Juju, okay?
26:59Look at her!
27:01What was I saying?
27:02Oh, right.
27:03Humility and love.
27:04That's where it was.
27:05LAUGHTER
27:07Also, I'm against body shaming completely,
27:09because I was a chubby kid,
27:11and I know what body shaming can do to a person.
27:15You know?
27:16It works!
27:18Yeah!
27:18Ow!
27:19Ow!
27:20Opulence!
27:21Everything you see!
27:22It's on sale!
27:25Thank you, everybody, so much!
27:28Appreciate you so much!
27:31Hi, everybody!
27:33How you doing tonight?
27:35Oh, come on.
27:36You guys can do better than that.
27:37You had Ms. Cracker's entire set to take a nap.
27:40Come on.
27:41So how you doing tonight?
27:43Oh, that's so much better.
27:46Ladies and gentlemen,
27:47we got the lovely Ms. Blair St. Clair here.
27:50And you guys, I don't want to ruin too much,
27:52but she had a bit of a rough week last week.
27:56She failed her driver's test.
27:59Ms. Cracker, make some noise for her.
28:01LAUGHTER
28:02I love her.
28:04She's just so animated, larger than life.
28:06It's like she's a living, breathing puppet.
28:09You know?
28:09She's got this big head and these tiny little feet
28:12and only becomes animated when you put your fist in her.
28:15Yeah.
28:16Yeah.
28:16Has anyone in here ever been robbed before?
28:19Well, I have.
28:20And no, I'm not talking about the finale of season nine.
28:23LAUGHTER
28:24But for real, you know,
28:25it's been quite an interesting journey for me.
28:27Um, I've been going to therapy.
28:29And for the longest time,
28:32I thought that therapy was just for white people with money.
28:35And I was wrong.
28:36It is also for black people with money.
28:40LAUGHTER
28:42But it's kind of embarrassing to tell your therapist
28:45that rose petals are one of your triggers, you know?
28:49For real, like, rose petals have been following me around
28:52for the past three years,
28:53like I'm James Earl Jones and coming to America.
28:56The only difference, he had a crown.
28:58LAUGHTER
29:00Thank you so much.
29:01That's all the time I have for today.
29:06LAUGHTER
29:09Everyone can be someone.
29:12Category is...
29:13Freak Out.
29:15Let your freak flag fly.
29:17First up, Jujubee.
29:19Oh, my God, you guys, we found the missing link.
29:23LAUGHTER
29:25She's definitely got a point.
29:26Yeah, she does.
29:28This look has a broken heart, but it's healing.
29:31And when I take the mask off,
29:32you see there's still emotion behind this monster.
29:35And these shoes are 10 inches,
29:36and I can only take seven on a good day.
29:39She has such a checkered past and present.
29:42LAUGHTER
29:42Jester?
29:43I barely know her.
29:45LAUGHTER
29:45I do declare, Blair St. Clair.
29:49Somebody's getting some tail tonight.
29:51LAUGHTER
29:52You guys, she's spotting.
29:54LAUGHTER
29:54I'm giving you feline cat fantasy meets the Blair St. Clair experience.
29:58I have a Velcro harness on, and who does not want a tail?
30:02This is my Alice in Wonderland Cheshire cat on ass.
30:06Prrrrfect for a party rave.
30:07This is what my cat thinks it looks like.
30:09LAUGHTER
30:10No Dalmatians or Muppets were harmed in the making of this costume.
30:13Oh, he's the one.
30:14Miss Rebecca.
30:16And what is she crowing about?
30:18LAUGHTER
30:18Edgar Allan Ho!
30:20LAUGHTER
30:21My look today is a post-apocalyptic, steampunk death mask.
30:26And underneath is this very sexy woman
30:28who's here to seduce anyone that sees her.
30:31I've heard of a scarecrow.
30:32This is a sharecrow.
30:34LAUGHTER
30:34LAUGHTER
30:36LAUGHTER
30:37Snap out of it!
30:38LAUGHTER
30:38Do you believe in the apocalypse?
30:42Che Kool-Aid.
30:43Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
30:45The gay years.
30:47LAUGHTER
30:47Scam money don't make money, but freak money do.
30:50LAUGHTER
30:50I'm serving you some 90s raver realness, hand-dyed Mongolian lamb coat,
30:57my beautiful bondage, Cookie Monster platform shoes,
31:01my pupils are real huge, and I'm just dancing to the music,
31:04having a good-ass time.
31:05She is schooling the kids with those pupils.
31:08LAUGHTER
31:09LAUGHTER
31:10The heels have eyes.
31:11LAUGHTER
31:12LAUGHTER
31:15Welcome, freaks.
31:17It's time for the judges' critiques.
31:20LAUGHTER
31:20Starting with Jujubee.
31:21Hi, Mama.
31:22This is just phenomenal.
31:24From your eye makeup to under your eyes,
31:26the top of your head to your toes.
31:27I love the clashing patterns.
31:28It's just really fun and really freaky.
31:30It's the best chain boa I've ever seen in my life.
31:33Sorry, a sea witch stole my voice.
31:35LAUGHTER
31:36I'm right here.
31:37Her name's Michelle.
31:39With your stand-up, I've told you a few times in this competition
31:41how funny I think you are.
31:43However, I think in the beginning of your routine,
31:46I felt the joke's kind of not there.
31:48It seemed like you were just telling the truth,
31:50but it doesn't seem like a joke.
31:51I think it took the audience a bit to get on board with that.
31:55But, girl, you really got your momentum by the end of that performance.
31:58Especially, I think, when you started coming after me.
32:00You read this thing so well today.
32:03Sorry.
32:04I would do the same thing.
32:05If I was roasting you, I'd make fun of your best-selling book.
32:09LAUGHTER
32:11If...
32:12If you had one, honey.
32:14Oh, my God.
32:15But that's the whole point.
32:17Funny's funny, you know.
32:18It didn't matter.
32:19Nobody's feelings were getting hurt here.
32:20It was hilarious.
32:22Thank you, Juju.
32:23Thank you, Rue.
32:24I declare, Blair St. Clair.
32:27I love your runway look tonight.
32:29Oh, thank you.
32:30I think it's so fun.
32:31It fits the theme of freak out so well.
32:33And it's elevated.
32:34There's fashion in here.
32:36I love your hair and makeup.
32:37Reminds me of a young Susie Sue.
32:38I am so interested to know what your dreams are like.
32:41Oh, they can be kind of dirty.
32:44Your comedy...
32:45I think in your case, Blair, it was a case of over-preparation.
32:50Because you did not take your eyes off of that pad.
32:53You were literally looking and doing this.
32:56What it felt like is once you got through a joke,
32:58you went slightly panicked to try to turn the page.
33:01And there were moments of silence, unfortunately.
33:04I think that book would have made a great bunch of tweets.
33:08You know?
33:09But, like, in person, you have an audience here.
33:11So, like, make sure they're on board.
33:13It's a relationship.
33:14Also, there's a difference in roasting and just mean.
33:17Some of the comments to the guest judges were just mean.
33:20And at one part, I just kind of felt bad for you.
33:25Ms. Cracker is wacka.
33:27Wacker every day.
33:29I was so afraid that Ms. Cracker would once again get in her own way.
33:34But it was so fun to watch you do your thing.
33:36You were hilarious.
33:38You commanded the stage.
33:39You came out with energy.
33:40You had the audience in the palm of your hands from the get.
33:43And all your jokes were the sort of compliment insults,
33:47which are manipulative in the best way.
33:50Oh, my goodness.
33:51See? You're working it right there.
33:54Your comedy was funny.
33:56You seemed very much at ease on that stage.
33:58I loved that jumpsuit.
33:59You were in your element.
34:01And watching you be so good at it,
34:03I sort of pictured myself living happily with you, me, and Ross as a thruple.
34:07Oh!
34:08Oh, my goodness!
34:09Already.
34:10I think I'm the top.
34:13That's funny.
34:14Tell another one.
34:17The runway look is very different than everybody else's interpretation of freaky.
34:20I was kind of going for like, what if death was a hoe?
34:23I'll clue you in. Death is a hoe.
34:25She gets around, you know?
34:26It definitely was freaky for me.
34:28And it seemed very unique to you.
34:30And you are so unique.
34:32I think this was exactly what you needed to do at this point in the competition, Cracker.
34:37Up next, Shay Buttercoulé.
34:38Hey.
34:39Tonight on the runway, this is kind of freaky, but it's kind of safe, Shay.
34:43I've seen you do some really crazy stuff.
34:45For me, a unitard with a harness over it and a multicolored jacket with some platforms is not really the
34:49craziest you could do.
34:50I actually agree with Michelle. Your look is really fun. You could see this in the club. It's just not
34:56elevated like the other girls.
34:57Okay.
34:58Let's talk about the comedy challenge. For starters, that red dress was like, what? Oh my God.
35:04I would love to borrow it sometime. We could talk about that later.
35:07Now for your stand-up, terrific. Like, such confidence.
35:11It was your turf.
35:12I was so impressed that you had memorized it, that you didn't have your cards.
35:16We talked in rehearsal about your point of view. And your POV right now is working out that loss against
35:24Sasha Velour. And when we get to the point where we can laugh about it, it cleanses us of it.
35:30By opening up your heart and your vulnerability, we were able to laugh with you. Um, and it was, it
35:36was really beautiful to see.
35:38Thank you, ladies. I think we've heard enough. Based on the judges' critiques, I've made some decisions.
35:50Ms. Cracker.
35:53Conjaculations, you're the top all-star of the week.
35:58Thank you all.
35:59You've won an amazing eight-night South African safari and wine country adventure, courtesy of South African tourism.
36:08Lifelong dream.
36:09Now, ladies, if you're not the top all-star, you're in the bottom.
36:16Ms. Cracker, you need to decide which of the bottom queens to send home if you win the lip-sync
36:22against this week's lip-sync assassin.
36:25The rest of you need to vote for which bottom queen you think deserves the chop.
36:32Thank you, ladies. You may leave the stage.
36:35Girl.
36:38You made it.
36:42When I hear that I'm the winner, I think two things. First of all...
36:48I did it! I did the thing!
36:52And second of all, if I win this lip-sync, I'm gonna have to vote someone off today.
36:56I love every one of these girls, but it's not about that today.
37:01This vote is about who I want to go up against in the finale.
37:04Um, congratulations, Ms. Cracker.
37:06Yes, congrats.
37:07Again, congratulations.
37:08Two weeks in a row.
37:10Hands down, you deserve to win.
37:11Absolutely.
37:12What, these peasant fingers?
37:13Oh, my goodness.
37:14Watching you, I was angry at myself.
37:16Because watching you, I was like, Cracker is being Cracker at a show.
37:19Yeah.
37:20And then I was like, ah, I wish I was Blair at a show today.
37:23I completely and totally choked.
37:29Right before his last elimination.
37:35It is time for that last vote.
37:40We're all gonna vote today.
37:41Which sucks.
37:43Yeah.
37:44It's gonna pain me to pick a lipstick.
37:46No, me too.
37:47We all have to think about this.
37:49I don't think it's necessarily fair to just go on wins.
37:52I don't, I don't either.
37:53And I think an all-star is someone that doesn't necessarily have to win every challenge.
37:58Doesn't necessarily have to be the top.
37:59No.
37:59And I feel like in this competition, we've all grown, but I feel like I've had like this immense growth.
38:05And I've dedicated my entire heart and soul to beat in the end.
38:11I'm not done because I am conquering still.
38:14You continue to surprise everyone and all of us want to see more.
38:19I feel like it is Blair's time to go.
38:23She was the weakest this week.
38:25And of the track records of the remaining queens, she just doesn't stack up.
38:29But I'm just hoping that we're all kind of on the same page because if not, who knows how this
38:36could go.
38:37I think I should stay here because I went through a really difficult and dark time.
38:49I built up this humongous dream with these huge expectations.
38:53And I worked really hard and I got really close.
38:57And there was a point where I didn't know if I would get over that hurt.
39:02But I've worked on myself a lot.
39:04And I want this more than anything that I've ever wanted in the world.
39:12Yeah.
39:14Vivacious.
39:16Okay, well, I've worked my ass off.
39:20And the drag queen that sits right here now is not the same queen that was in this workroom a
39:25decade ago when I walked in for season two.
39:27And not even the same queen that walked in on All Stars 1.
39:29Right now, drag is what's making me feel alive.
39:35I don't want to be cliche, but I have a lot more to show.
39:40And I know we're at that point in the competition where hard decisions have to be made.
39:44And it pains me to even think about it.
39:47This is very hard.
39:50I painted these tears on for a reason, guys.
39:54They're actually happening.
39:57I love you.
39:58I love you. I love your unicorn horns.
39:59I love you all, actually.
40:00I love you two man hands.
40:02You know why we're all emotional?
40:03It's because the four of us have this amazing connection.
40:06We've become this family here.
40:07And we've all worked so hard to get to this point.
40:10Hey, Rue, it's Juju.
40:12Are you there?
40:12Are you still going to make us vote?
40:14Because this is hard.
40:20All right, ladies.
40:22We have to go to the ladies' room because this may be the biggest elimination of our lives.
40:26Uh, Juju.
40:28What?
40:28Just don't forget your Poo-Pourri.
40:31Thank you so much, Cracker.
40:33It's not even for you.
40:34It's like for us.
40:35All right.
40:36Don't forget to spray it before you go.
40:38Wow.
40:46On a scale of one to ten, I want to make it to the top three a billion.
40:50Like, off the scales.
40:52I feel like these are my sisters and I'm taking away somebody's dreams.
40:56I'm so sorry, babe.
40:58But everybody wants the crown.
41:00And there's only one way to get there.
41:13I don't think of you as a sister.
41:23I love you both so much and I've grown so close to both of you in this competition.
41:27I'm voting for someone that I know will forgive me for this choice later.
41:35This win puts me in sight of the crown.
41:39And there's nothing I won't do to get it.
41:42Weary is the neck that turns the head that wears the crown, girl.
41:47So, I know what I have to do.
41:55Welcome back, ladies.
41:57Ms. Cracker, are you ready to meet your lip sync opponent?
42:02I'm ready, Rue.
42:03Are you sure?
42:04I'm positive.
42:06The time has come to present this week's Lip Sync Ass...
42:15Sass...
42:19Sassin.
42:21Sassin.
42:24Is it the trees?
42:25Rue.
42:26Fill yourself.
42:34Who is it?
42:35Marianne Williamson.
42:36Oh.
42:38Excuse me.
42:39We're over here.
42:40Oh, my girl.
42:48Not this.
42:50Kennedy Davenport.
42:52Kennedy, the flip master.
42:55I'm very worried.
42:57Newark, LaGuardia, Kennedy Davenport.
43:01Good to be back.
43:03Ladies, tonight's lip sync will determine which queens make it through to next week's grand finale.
43:12Kennedy Davenport holds the lipstick of the queen that the group has voted to go home.
43:17If Kennedy wins the lip sync, the queen on her lipstick gets the chop.
43:24Are you ready to slay?
43:27Ready, Mama.
43:28Ready.
43:29Two queens stand before me.
43:32Miss Cracker, this is your chance to impress me, win $20,000, and earn the power to give one of
43:40the bottom queens El Chapo.
43:44The time has come for your legacy.
43:52Good luck.
43:53And don't fuck it up.
43:59Well, I remember it all very well.
44:01Looking back, it was the summer I turned 18.
44:04We lived in a one-room run-down shack on the outskirts of New Orleans.
44:08We didn't have money for food or rent.
44:10To say the least, we wore hard-pressed.
44:13And Mama spent every last penny we had to buy me a dancing dress.
44:17Well, Mama washed and combed and curled my hair.
44:20And then she painted my eyes and lived in.
44:22Then I stepped into a satin' dancing dress.
44:24I had a split on the side, clean up to my heel.
44:27It was red velvet trimming and it fitting me good.
44:31Standing back from the looking less there stood a woman where a half-grown kid had stood.
44:35She said, here's your one-chance fancy, don't let me down.
44:40She said, here's your one-chance fancy, don't let me down.
44:46She handed me a hard-shaped locket and said, to thine own self be true.
44:51And I shivered as I watched a roach crawl across the toe of my higher shoe.
44:56It sounded like somebody else who was talking, asking, Mama, what do I do?
45:00She said, just be nice to the gentleman fancy, they'll be nice to you.
45:04She said, here's your one-chance fancy, don't let me down.
45:09Here's your one-chance fancy, don't let me down.
45:13Lord, forgive me for what I do, but if you won't have it, it's up to you.
45:18Now, don't let me down, now your mama's gonna lift you up, Sam.
45:22She said, here's your one-chance fancy, don't let me down.
45:27She said, here's your one-chance fancy, don't let me down.
45:31Lord, forgive me for what I do, but if you won't have it, it's up to you.
45:36Now, don't let me down, now your mama's gonna move you uptown.
45:50Those were a lot of words.
45:51Oh, I hadn't noticed. Did you notice that there were words?
45:55Ladies, I've made my decision.
46:03Miss Cracker, you're a winner, baby.
46:06Girl.
46:11Congratulations, you've earned a cash tip of $20,000.
46:16Thank you, Mama Ru.
46:17Kennedy, thank you for coming, darling.
46:20You may slay another day.
46:22Always. Back to the castle.
46:29Will the bottom queens please step forward?
46:41Miss Cracker, with great power comes great responsibility.
46:47Which queen have you chosen to get the chop?
46:54You said it yourself. These are all tens here.
46:58It is a close call.
47:01But you taught me to go with my gut, and that is what I did.
47:08The lipstick I chose belongs to Blair.
47:14As it is written, so it shall be done.
47:17Blair St. Clair, you are and will always be an all-star.
47:25Now, sashay away.
47:32I love you, baby.
47:35I love you.
47:39Thank you so much for changing my life.
47:42I owe you everything.
47:44I credit my personal growth to my time on RuPaul's Drag Race.
47:47I feel like I kind of fell in love with myself all over again during this.
47:53I wanted to trust myself and to believe in myself more than I did coming into this.
47:59I still love you.
48:01We're going to make it to this.
48:03There's no such thing as a perfect Blair St. Clair.
48:06But the Blair St. Clair that I am is pretty damn good, and I love her.
48:11Well, I do declare I am the Blair St. Clair.
48:16Shh.
48:20My top three girls, conjaculations.
48:23Next week at the all-star grand finale, one of you will be inducted into the Drag Race Hall of
48:30Fame.
48:31Now I want to hear from our fans.
48:33Which queen do you think deserves to win?
48:37Are you team Jujubee, team Ms. Cracker, or team Shea Coulee?
48:42Let your voice be heard at RuPaul's Drag Race, hashtag all-stars5.
48:47And tune in next week when we crown a winner, baby.
48:51Now, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?
48:55Can I get an amen up in here?
48:57Amen!
48:58All right.
49:00What?
49:01What?
49:08Michelle, you answer it.
49:10No, no, I'll answer it.
49:13Ah, okay, all right.
49:18Yes?
49:20Yes, I hear you.
49:23Next week?
49:24But it's the grand finale.
49:28All right, all right, all right.
49:29If you must.
49:36Where was I?
49:38All right.
49:39Now let the music play.
49:44I am American, American, American.
49:48I am American, American.
49:48I am American, American.