- 16 hours ago
Rivals Season 1 Episode 2 Engsub
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Short filmTranscript
00:17You know you're not lying, things we do
00:21Only it hurts to know that you're true
00:26It's easy to go down and hide
00:30Where's the world without losing pride
00:34We're gonna do real good
00:36Yeah, I gotta dress so well
00:41And on the day fourth-form pupils begin studying for their new GCSE exams,
00:48we put a group of conscious to shopkeepers through their paces
00:51to see how much they can remember from their O-level maths
00:56Meanwhile, here at Carinium, we are buzzing with excitement for our new live show, Declan
01:04Declan's first guest will be Hollywood Hellraiser Johnny Friedlander
01:09One of the cinema's brightest stars, in his first interview since being the unfortunate victim of a sex tape scandal
01:16two years ago
01:17The reclusive star is on his way to Carinium Studios as we speak
01:23Can Declan O'Hara coax him out of his shell?
01:27And what about those James Bond rumors?
01:32That's Declan, live tonight at eight o'clock
01:35With his very first interview here at Carinium
01:38Right after Coronation Street
01:40I'll definitely be tuning in
01:43Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
01:58Run!
02:12Whoop! Whoop!
02:13Let's go.
02:50Let's go.
03:34Let's go.
03:36Let's go.
03:37Let's go.
03:38Let's go.
04:01Let's go.
04:02Let's go.
04:05Let's go.
04:05Let's go.
04:17Let's go.
04:18Let's go.
04:18Let's go.
04:35Let's go.
05:01Let's go.
05:24Let's go.
05:51Let's go.
05:54Let's go.
06:25Let's go.
06:25Let's go.
06:34Let's go.
06:37Let's go.
06:39Let's go.
06:40Let's go.
06:42Let's go.
07:03Let's go.
07:06Let's go.
07:08Let's go.
07:10Let's go.
07:31Let's go.
07:34Let's go.
08:07Let's go.
08:09Let's go.
08:11Let's go.
08:30Let's go.
08:31Let's go.
08:33Let's go.
08:57Let's go.
09:12Let's go.
09:17Let's go.
09:18Let's go.
09:18Johnny's grime, request that it was having a grime group.
09:19You Know Johnny Friedlander.
09:20Well, she had a few lovers back in the day.
09:23No.
09:24Not silly enough to let anyone film me having sex though.
09:27What a crowd.
09:28People are excited to see you.
09:29Well, I can say that's nice.
09:30It's been a while since I have done one of these.
09:33Let's go.
09:33So why do this interview now?
09:34Okay.
09:35Well, um.
09:36Yeah of course.
09:36I feel it's time to move on.
09:38That's what we're here for.
09:40Now Johnny, your last film was mired in controversy.
09:44There were stories that you related to set, you picked fights with the director.
09:47You passed out of the wheel while driving under the influence say nobody prepares you for fame
09:51You don't know how you're gonna react to being given the keys to the candy store. It turns out that
09:55I react by
09:57overdosing on candy
10:02Absolutely not sure about the songs
10:09Jesus Christ he signed up on that
10:16And what was it like when you drove off that bridge
10:22Well, I woke up second I hit the water but man it was scary and thank God I was in
10:27a convertible or
10:29I'd be at the bottom of the river now, but yeah, I had to get sober
10:34415 days later
10:36World looks more beautiful than ever
10:42I
10:48Now
10:50Shall we talk about the sex tape?
10:55Why not the elephants in the room already crapping in the corner is the girl, okay?
11:01Miss Miss Cortez
11:04Hell, I don't know
11:05You don't see her not on my Christmas card list though
11:09But she is a she's an actress, right?
11:11I don't know
11:13We met a bar
11:14Hope she got a lot of money out of the whole thing
11:16Is $5,000 a lot of money?
11:20According to Miss Cortez that's how much you paid her to have sex with you and then take the tape
11:24to the National Enquirer
11:24What?
11:26Oh fuck
11:29You said you were the victim
11:31But in fact
11:32You paid her to video herself having sex with you as if it'd been filmed undercover so that when she
11:38took the tape to the press you could pretend that you'd been set up?
11:42Simultaneously getting sympathy as the victim of a honey trap while reaping a ton of publicity that made you look
11:47like a virile sex god
11:48Yeah, she got publicity too, trust me
11:50You sat back and let the press vilify her to the extent that all her acting work dried up
11:55You could have stepped in and told the truth but you didn't
11:59The world would have believed you but your silence demolished her
12:03Your stock shot up overnight while Pia Cortez lost her apartment
12:08$5,000 for a woman's reputation, is that a fair price?
12:11What reputation? She was a porn actress, I paid her to make a porno!
12:29Fuck, we've lost him, he's gonna walk out
12:45Oh man, I'm an ass
12:48What did you do is
12:51Tell two to hold on Johnny
12:54Stay on Johnny
12:56Now, move in
12:57Slowly, slowly
13:00Slowly
13:00It wouldn't get ass on the BBC
13:04Get me the sweat beating on his brow, this is the one
13:07I'd had four flops in a row and I'm scared
13:13It's the worst thing about Hollywood is when you're out
13:17All you can think about is how to get back in
13:20What a mess
13:24The worst part is
13:28I really like that girl
13:31I thought she had something
13:34What would you say to her?
13:36If she was here?
13:37Yeah, she's an L.A. man
13:38No
13:40She might see it, you never know
13:47Okay, um, sure
13:57Pia
13:59If you're watching
14:01I'm sorry
14:03I'm an ass
14:05Let me buy you a drink
14:07Or a car
14:10Whatever you want
14:12I'm sorry
14:22Man, I've been sitting on that seat for too long
14:25Feel good to get it off your chest
14:29God, the water here
14:30Tastes good
14:32Can I get another?
14:34Join us again after the break when I'll be asking Johnny about James Bond
14:38Don't go away
14:40And we're clear
14:42Ha ha ha ha ha
14:43Stand by everyone
14:45Three minutes
14:46That was more stressful than I expected
14:48Daddy always goes in for the kill
14:51He really is a master at this, you're definitely
14:53I mean, isn't that erotic?
14:55Doing a video?
14:56Well, I think it is if you've made it for each other
14:58Or you watch it when they're away
15:00Mm-hmm
15:01Or watch together
15:02It's a warm-up
15:04Yeah, it can be pretty hot
15:05With the right co-star
15:07Can't imagine James wanting to make a sex video with me
15:10The camera puts pounds on you and he already thinks I'm fat
15:14Well, he's bad
15:15Yeah
15:15You're exquisite
15:18Grandma, I'm hungry
15:20Sandwich? Anyone?
15:22Yeah, I'm starving
15:23Oh my God, you made this, Daddy
15:26Ambrosial
15:27Please, please tell me you'll come and work for me
15:29Caitlin, go and fetch another one of these for me, please
15:31No, I tried working in a restaurant, it was just, er, it was too hectic
15:35Well, you could do people's dinner parties and things
15:37A private chef
15:39I bet you'd get bookings
15:41I could put a word around if you'd like
15:42Caitlin!
15:44Oh, Daddy's back!
15:52There it is
15:53Here it is
15:53Your closet, sir
16:05Put something against that
16:06Do you think Johnny Freelander maricades the door?
16:12The guy, he had the most stupid walk
16:17Can I tell you what Cubby Broccoli said when my people called up and suggested me?
16:21He said he'd sooner have James Bond played by a woman
16:28Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Freelander
16:33It's pussing by a mother
16:34Go!
16:34Leave him!
16:46Yeah!
16:51It's great to see you guys who told you a story
16:57The bastard spiked Johnny's dressing room.
17:00Gave him a bottle of vodka.
17:01Oh, no, I did that.
17:02What?
17:04Why didn't you tell me?
17:06We needed your first show to be jaw-dropping television.
17:08No way was I leaving that to chance.
17:10And you didn't tell me you were going to skewer the guy live on air.
17:13You don't think he fucks your producer or not to know that?
17:15We didn't need to push him off the wagon.
17:17I didn't need help.
17:18Yeah, you didn't need a desk either, did you?
17:22Hi, this is Esther McLeod.
17:23Hi, hi. How you doing?
17:25This is Lady Gosling.
17:26Hey, how you doing?
17:27Hello.
17:28Freddie Jones.
17:28Hey, good to meet you.
17:29His lovely wife.
17:30Hey, how you doing?
17:31James Orecka.
17:32Hi, how you doing?
17:33This is the backroom boys.
17:35This is Sam.
17:35Hey, how you doing?
17:36Daisy.
17:36Hey, how you doing?
17:37This is Deirdre.
17:38Hey, how you doing?
17:46At least he didn't film you.
17:49He's a mug.
17:50He looked like a Charlie's Angel.
17:54Thanks, Seb.
17:56Looks nice.
17:57He's very good, isn't he?
17:59Like the new jewel in Carinthia's crown.
18:02Extraordinary song.
18:03Oh, yeah.
18:04He has so much character.
18:05He's a breath of fresh air.
18:07It's such a shame that you couldn't get Campbell Black onto the board.
18:11Wow.
18:12Is Freddie Jones in the back?
18:14Oh, very much so.
18:14Very much so.
18:16They're much more used to us.
18:18His expertise in technology, business, the real world.
18:22But I've got to say, Declan's got some brass.
18:24I thought Johnny was going to lamp him one.
18:26How do you keep it together?
18:27All that going on?
18:28Can I tell you a secret?
18:30That was my first time taking the show out live.
18:33Did you like it?
18:34Oh, my God.
18:35The adrenaline.
18:36Yes, I loved it.
18:37But please don't ask me any specifics.
18:39It's a blur.
18:39You've met Cameron, then?
18:41You need people that can deliver under pressure, don't you?
18:44Diamonds.
18:45Couldn't agree more.
18:46That's why we're courting you for the board.
18:51You're getting the fuck of a lifetime tonight.
18:55Yeah.
19:09Isn't that crazy?
19:11And then the man started turning up at the house.
19:14I know.
19:14And he was so in love with Mummy.
19:16But then Daddy found out about it.
19:18And that wasn't funny at all.
19:21Caitlin.
19:23Anyway, that's the real reason why we moved out of London.
19:26Daddy's new job came just at the right time.
19:44Mrs. Thatcher tells me if I want to succeed in politics, I have to keep my nose clean.
19:48No more cunnilingus, then.
19:51Maud's got a thumping crush on you.
19:54Declan looks strong.
19:56I'd watch yourself.
20:00Darling, you know I love you to bits.
20:04You never tell me what to do.
20:34Oh, it's beautiful.
20:52How did I do?
20:53You were wonderful.
21:17Christ, you're wet.
21:20Oh, I've been thinking about you coming home all evening.
21:37Oh, what is it?
21:39Everything all right?
21:42Shitting awful evening, actually.
21:43Oh, I'm sorry.
21:45You should have come with me to watch a new Declan show.
21:50That was...
21:51brilliant.
21:59You might be a little more supportive, Lizzie.
22:15I mean, it's only my first date board in school.
22:17It's not like it's momentous or anything, is it?
22:18I'm sorry I can't drive you there.
22:20You know Daddy needs the car this morning.
22:21I didn't mean you.
22:27Bye-bye, gorgeous, ugly dog.
22:34Is Mummy going to start one of her things with Rupert?
22:38I'm not going to keep her secrets again if she does.
22:43Mummy and Daddy are going to be okay.
22:45Keep an eye on them, I promise.
22:49Oh, I'm going to miss you.
22:51Now go.
22:52I'm going.
22:56Just you and me now, pups.
23:02Good evening. I'm Jackson O'Hara.
23:27I was hard to know you've been my heroes too, with your incessant token, you'll be coming a piss.
23:34That's what we've got time for tonight.
23:39Now you're a wonderful girl.
23:43You've got a wonderful smile.
23:47You've got a wonderful smile.
23:50You've got a chance.
23:52You've got a chance to see.
23:54What the fuck are you?
23:58You're incessant token.
24:02..Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep.
24:14Oh my god.
24:15Mm-hmm.
24:17Oof, look at all this.
24:19If it's a neighborhood dinner party,
24:21why didn't Valerie Jones invite you to hand me?
24:23I don't know, Mummy.
24:24She did, I said we couldn't do it.
24:27What? I've work to do.
24:28I never get to go anywhere.
24:31I mean, how can we meet anyone if you're gonna turn down everything
24:34just to prepare your stupid program?
24:37My stupid program is all just paying the bills on this rotting pile of bricks
24:40and all you do is spend money.
24:42I mean, why the fuck do we own our harp?
24:43Oh, well, you want to take my music away from me?
24:45It's all that I have left.
24:46I have to go to work.
24:47No, no, I'm still talking to you.
24:48We can talk about a leisure.
24:50Good luck, Tag.
24:51Bye.
24:52You know, it's a good job that you bought a priory,
24:54because I might as well be a nun.
24:57You know, he's still punishing me.
24:59I mean, when is it gonna stop?
25:06My congratulations, both of you.
25:0810 million viewers.
25:10I want 12 mil this week.
25:11Huh?
25:12I can't believe you got that story out of Mick Jagger.
25:14People like telling me things.
25:16Psychiatrist to the stars.
25:17So who's next on the couch?
25:19Diana.
25:19Doesn't do TV.
25:20Arnold Schwarzenegger?
25:21Jesus, he couldn't even speak.
25:23Joanna Lumley.
25:24Rupert Campbell Black.
25:25No way.
25:26Celebrity.
25:27Ex-Olympian, a heartthrob, so I'm told,
25:28and now minister for sports.
25:29Surely that's an extraordinary trajectory.
25:31There's no hinterland.
25:32If I'm to interview someone whose politics I despise,
25:35I want to ward the opponent.
25:36Could you stop swinging your dick for a moment?
25:38If you stop swinging your vagina.
25:39Okay, okay, okay, okay.
25:43Declan's right.
25:44Campbell Black's an arrogant brat.
25:46Everything people hate about the upper classes.
25:48Why do you hate him so much?
25:50Because he always gets everything he wants.
25:53Joyce, Rupert Campbell Black.
25:55I wasn't surprised when the wife left.
25:58He'll never settle, will he?
26:00Doesn't that make him an interesting interview?
26:02He's the only man in England who can come out of a sex scandal with a promotion.
26:06Minister for sport, for God's sake.
26:08The man plays tennis naked.
26:10He's an irredeemable shit.
26:12We needn't pour fertilizer on his already overgrown ego.
26:16Who do you want, Declan?
26:18Thatcher.
26:19Margaret Thatcher.
26:20No, Charles.
26:21Fucking Dennis Thatcher.
26:22Look, she'll never say yes anyway.
26:24She thinks I'm an IRA pinko.
26:25Well, let's see.
26:26I've donated eye-watering sums to the Tory party.
26:30It's not the public who decides which way the election goes, is it?
26:35It's not the public.
26:35All right.
26:36Stop staring at me.
26:36Fuck off.
26:37We've all got work to do.
26:40Declan.
26:40Yeah?
26:41Don't go.
26:42Have a proper drink.
26:42After you.
26:46You've got viewing figures most people would sell their granny for.
26:50So, I'm just wondering why you're still unhappy here.
26:55You mean Cameron?
26:56No, no.
26:58I mean, she's hard work, but you're right.
27:01She knows what she's doing.
27:02I just have a lot in my mind.
27:05Money stuff.
27:07I have an unpaid tax bill following me around.
27:1080 grand.
27:13London wasn't cheap.
27:15Not with a wife who throws her party every time someone blows their nose.
27:20All right.
27:21Well, why don't I settle with the online revenue for you?
27:25You can pay me back when you can.
27:26Nobody need to know about her.
27:28Just the two of us.
27:29And my accountant.
27:32That's very decent of you.
27:34Self-interest, really.
27:35You're no good to be preoccupied.
27:40Now, another?
27:43Cheers.
27:43Cheers.
27:56Cheers.
27:58Cheers.
28:01Cheers.
28:03Cheers.
28:05Cheers.
28:06Cheers.
28:06Cheers.
28:08Cheers.
28:10Cheers.
28:17Are you always this height?
28:18I can usually size people by looking.
28:20Well, I didn't think you'd want me to serve things.
28:22Well, I can't exactly do it myself, can I?
28:23And you know to go round the dinner table clock-wise, don't you?
28:26Don't pick, Sharon!
28:27And I need you to write the menu out.
28:29One for each end of the table in French, if you don't mind.
28:31Hello, Taggy.
28:32Nice get up.
28:33Grub smells good.
28:35I'm still cross with you, Fred Fred.
28:36I mean, what were you thinking, inviting a single man?
28:38I mean, what kind of a dinner party have you ever had nine guests?
28:40Ten guests now, because I've just invited a single woman.
28:42It's a balance of books.
28:43Fred Fred, how could you?
28:45Now I'm going to have to change the whole plus-monde.
28:51Terrific.
28:54I could help you with the menus.
28:56I'm doing French for GCSE.
29:05They're going to be here soon, Mrs Makepeace.
29:07Yes, Mrs Jones.
29:08Sorry, did you decide if you want the cheese first or the pavlova?
29:12Fred Fred?
29:13Cheese or dessert?
29:14Don't posh people say pudding?
29:16Pudding?
29:16But dessert is French.
29:18Agatha, which is it?
29:19I don't know.
29:20Pudding.
29:21Feeling bored in school?
29:24Chin up, Massey.
29:26We've worked so hard, we can enjoy it now.
29:28I mean, who'd have thought it, you and me,
29:29into telling the Lord and the Lady, eh?
29:33Right.
29:49It's a nice cosy dinner at Freddy's bum in a board seat at the end of it.
29:53I've rather implied to Lady Gosling he's already said yes,
29:56so we need to reel him in tonight.
29:58We might as well kiss goodbye to the franchise.
30:00No, absolutely.
30:01Operation Charm Offensive.
30:03Well, offensive is right.
30:04We'll be forced to admire the soft furnishings,
30:06fitted carpets everywhere.
30:08Well, don't let Valoo Jones get you, darling.
30:11You know who she reminds you of.
30:13Who?
30:14Your mother.
30:16Oh.
30:28Come on.
30:30You've got five minutes.
30:31Yeah, well, five minutes is how long it takes to do this bloody dress-up.
30:36No, all right.
30:39Um, you know I need you to, er, behave yourself this evening, don't you?
30:44Er, I want Tony to invite me onto the board at Carinium,
30:47and we need to look proper.
30:50Respectable.
30:50Darling, is this about Rupert?
30:52It was just a silly flirtation.
30:54Come on, you know I love you most of all.
30:56Besides, I thought you wanted a young wife that everyone admires.
30:59I do, darling.
31:01Just prefer they admire you from further away.
31:16So it was a considerable renovation?
31:18Yes, it was terribly pokey.
31:21Three bedrooms and only the one bathroom, so we had to extend.
31:24But once we'd rendered over the old stonework,
31:26you can't tell the joy between the old and new.
31:28I thought this was a listed building.
31:30Oh, it is.
31:31Yeah.
31:32Fred Fred has friends in high places.
31:34I mean, one needs a good-sized lounge for entertaining.
31:37I mean, I want to behave, living charming.
31:48I think I've had this dream.
31:50Valerie made me.
31:52She's so short.
31:54Brevity is the soul of wit.
31:57And I can almost see your brevities.
32:03The fact is, this is the list of buildings, the rules.
32:07There is the pretty way to come.
32:08Don't worry.
32:10Oh.
32:16Darling, you look ravishing.
32:18Oh, James hates this, but it's the only clean one I've got.
32:22Hello, Valerie.
32:25Evening, Stratton.
32:26Listen, I think you're giving the wrong impression
32:28about the tennis game with your wife.
32:30Or quite innocent sort of thing
32:31that wouldn't bat an eyelid on the continent.
32:33Good, clean, open-air fun.
32:35Shake hands and play nicely, shall we?
32:45Freddy!
32:47Sound system!
32:48Sorry, love.
32:49Wrong will.
32:50Freddy's equipment is staggering.
32:53Oh.
32:57I, er, I gather you spent this afternoon on the couch with my husband.
33:01Yes.
33:01Do you mind?
33:02No.
33:03Good for you.
33:04I hope he told him it was marvellous afterwards.
33:09Thanks, Fred.
33:10Nature abhors, of acting.
33:12Yes, so does my cleaner.
33:15That's very good.
33:16That's fairly good.
33:17Why don't you show me this sound system?
33:20I'll be back in a tick.
33:23You're ahead with the host.
33:25Bet you're next to him at dinner.
33:32Right, I'm off to see what decorative hell
33:35Valerie's unleashed on the downstairs loom.
33:37Cluecrum, darling.
33:38Cluecrum.
33:38Mm-hmm.
33:49Well, I think your expertise will be a lie.
33:54Of course, you're busy.
33:55Well, I think you like flipping useful.
33:57We'd have fun.
33:58I'm not trying to seduce you onto his board, is he?
34:01We're a viable, growing company with excellent prospects.
34:04The financial awards are considerable.
34:06Oh, must we bring money into it.
34:09Fred isn't business, man.
34:10It's what we do.
34:10You ever said no to this man?
34:12Frequently.
34:13Did you enjoy the polo?
34:15Ho, ho, ho, ho.
34:16You're a very bad influence.
34:17I did ache for three days.
34:18Freddie?
34:19Mr. Verica and Mrs. Stratton are on the television.
34:23Oh, yes.
34:23Do you want to see this?
34:24Yeah, okay.
34:25Mm-hmm.
34:37Sarah, welcome.
34:38Hi, James.
34:39Absolutely.
34:39Well, look, there you are, Sarah.
34:41Where's Sarah?
34:41Now, Sarah, you've been married to Paul Stratton, MP for Cotchester, for a few months now.
34:46Mm.
34:46How do you see your role as the wife of an MP?
34:49To support my husband in every possible way.
34:52And how do you get on with Paul's family?
34:53I mean, his children must be nearly as old as you are.
34:55Oh, very good, James.
34:56Gripping stuff.
34:57I have no pressure on Paul to leave his first wife.
34:59But because he eventually made that decision, you know, I'm branded a scarlet woman.
35:03So I've had to try even harder to prove myself a good...
35:10Cute.
35:20...engaged to be married to a busy, powerful woman, famous man.
35:23The one thing I will say is do not let yourself go after your marriage.
35:26I mean, we all know what happens there.
35:28Hello, Cameron.
35:29Let me get you a drink.
35:30They're all glued to the local news, I'm afraid.
35:32Well, thank you.
35:33Oh, James!
35:34Stop it.
35:36Are you 21?
35:37Oh, please.
35:38And the rest.
35:39She's a natural, isn't she?
35:41Well, it's just wonderful to see her opening up.
35:42I understand that...
36:29Don't last for seconds, all right?
36:31Is this not fishing?
36:33New cologne?
36:34I wear it all the time.
36:35I like it.
36:36Are you sure the lighting wasn't a bit hard?
36:38It was brilliant.
36:40What the hell are you doing here?
36:41Freddie called after you left.
36:43I couldn't see no to him, could I?
36:44Well, don't do anything outrageous.
36:45Stay out of my way.
36:49Well, I clearly drew the long straw.
36:54Are we all here with you?
36:56Yeah.
36:59Ah, Cavendish.
37:00We've never really had a proper chat, have we?
37:02No, we haven't, Lily Berryham.
37:04Oh, Monica, please.
37:05We're all friends here.
37:14Rupert Campbell Black.
37:18I presume since we're the only people here with our partners that we're being set up with
37:22each other, and just so you know, I am perfectly comfortable with them.
37:26Do you have a boyfriend?
37:28Kind of.
37:30Kind of?
37:31Mm-hmm.
37:33Best kind.
37:37Sorry, I think, uh, someone's been playing with the, um...
37:41Anything all right, Valerie?
37:43Yes.
37:43Yeah.
37:44Quite, quite all right.
37:46Do you work with Cavendish, James?
37:48Her name's Cannon.
37:49No, I promise it's not.
37:52No, Cavendish, see?
37:54James thought you were called Cameron.
37:56Yeah, it's Cameron.
37:58Yeah.
37:59But this beautiful was answered to Cavendish, so why didn't you say anything?
38:03Well, you're my boss's wife.
38:05Well, silly girl, there's no need.
38:09Honestly, what peculiar behaviour?
38:16Salmon loose.
38:18Do you like salmon loose?
38:19Sir, what have you got?
38:21Chinged French peasant cravat sauce.
38:24Desert chateau.
38:26You think it's garnished from actual sand?
38:28Garnished with leftover peasants?
38:32Not frequently, no.
38:34Not quite, Agatha, please.
38:36Sorry.
38:36I didn't tell her.
38:54Ah, tagging.
38:58What if I was a scrupulous woman?
39:02Looks amazing. I'm too lovable a pheasant.
39:06And how'd you get on with Declan?
39:08Well, I'm his producer, which gives him license to be obnoxious.
39:11God knows how his wife puts up with them.
39:13Well, you could ask Taggy here. She's his daughter.
39:16Oh, God, I'm sorry.
39:19All sport with you, isn't it?
39:21Blood sport, mostly the chase.
39:23Oh, but if you caught something, I don't think you know what to do with it.
39:25Hmm. She's quite the ball-breaker, your new producer. Where'd you find her?
39:30Hunted her down in New York.
39:31Ah, blood sports again. You guys go to school together or something?
39:34Oh, no, no, no, no.
39:36And that's funny. Why?
39:39Because, as it happens, no, we didn't.
39:42Rupert went to Harrow.
39:44I went to grammar school.
39:46And you'll never let anyone forget it, will you?
39:48I wasn't going to say anything of the sort of you that won't let anyone forget it, Battingham.
39:54Tony was quite different as a boy.
39:57Oh, Billy Bunter, weren't you?
40:00Okay. What's grammar school and how is it different from where you went?
40:04Well, it's increasingly hard to say.
40:06Rupert's school cost a lot more, but they didn't spend any of it teaching him manners.
40:12Very good, Lady Battingham.
40:13I can't imagine you, fat Tony.
40:15That's where I got my drive to succeed.
40:17I wish Fred Fred had a drive like that. We can't budge his girls at all.
40:21Ha!
40:23Be careful what you wish for, Valerie. It might drive him to some dangerous places.
40:28I've been meaning to say, Tony, we found a presenter for our Caring for the Elderly segment.
40:32She's a Jamaican lady living in Cotchester, a 70-year-old widow with an adult daughter,
40:37which makes her a black single mother.
40:39Box tape.
40:40I was brought up by a black single mother.
40:43Can't wait to tune in.
40:52She's so exotic, isn't she? Where's she from?
40:55America, I think.
40:56Wayne likes black girls, don't you, Wayne?
40:57Watch out!
40:58You've got a picture of Grace Jones when I close on. I saw it in your pants drawer.
41:02Oh, it's going so well. The pheasant was divine. Everyone's saying so.
41:07I knew you'd be wonderful at this.
41:10I'm sorry I should put you in that thing.
41:11It was me here at the menu's out. That's why the spelling's so bad.
41:14Oh, God. You're dyslexia.
41:19I'm so sorry. We thought we were taking the mickey out of...
41:24...someone else.
41:26Well, you cook like a dream, even if you can't spell for shit.
41:33Oh, my God.
41:53What's your favourite thing about your job?
41:56Well...
41:58What a lovely question.
42:04Space.
42:05Up there.
42:07Most British satellites use my computers now, and sometimes...
42:12I look up at the night sky and I see a little star winking back at me, and I think,
42:18I've made that happen.
42:21And it blows my mind.
42:23All right.
42:31Chateau Ghetto.
42:34This looks...
42:35...define.
42:38Well done, Angel.
42:40Mm-hmm.
42:52you stupid bitch what the fuck are you doing i'm so sorry i'm sorry
42:58oops fetch a cloth agatha don't fetch a cloth it's armani i'll pay for it
43:03oh you couldn't begin to needn't be a bitch about it
43:10come on this this can't get you tidied up come with me
43:15rupert how could you
43:21god that is exactly the kind of crass
43:25i thought she'd like it god knows her mother would have
43:27we went home just a buffet laid out for you to snack on
43:30perhaps she's not as innocent as you think she is and that's a very cheeky little dress
43:34valerie made her wear it to do the job
43:36not that you'd understand
43:39with looks like hers i wouldn't have thought a career was that important
43:41honestly rupert this was badly done
44:06i thought you wanted me to
44:12why on earth would you think that
44:14you like to watch
44:16thought you might be grown up enough to play too
44:18you're disgusting and i want nothing to do with you
44:24i want to say
44:26you've got ready for me
44:28what'd you do
44:28i know
44:32i know
44:48if you could
44:49you could
44:49you could
44:49you could
44:49you could
44:51So thank you.
44:54So...
44:56This bald thing...
45:00Marvell, she...
45:00She's keen for me to get into something more cultural.
45:05So why don't you send me over to business plan?
45:07I'll look over it.
45:10I'll give you a call on Monday.
45:28Last night was humiliating.
45:30I don't know if I can do this anymore.
45:34You and me.
45:35What? Why?
45:41You were at Valerie Jones' dinner party?
45:45Yeah.
45:46I gather you got pudding tipped all over you by my daughter.
45:49I'll pay for the cleaning bill.
45:50Orton Rupert did that.
45:52It was him who made Taggy drop the pudding when he groped her.
45:56He what?
45:58No, no.
46:00It was more than a pinch on the bottom, wasn't it?
46:02I didn't see it at the time, but grope sounds right.
46:04I'm sorry, he fucking what?
46:07Yeah, he's a promiscuous libertine, isn't he?
46:11Fondles whoever he likes.
46:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
46:16Wait, wait, wait!
46:18The bastard!
46:18Jesus, when I catch him up.
46:20Interview him to death?
46:23You know, that's an idea.
46:25Think about it.
46:26You go over there and thump him, who gets to see it?
46:28One housekeeper and a gardener at best.
46:31Have him on the show.
46:33You can flay him in front of 16 million people.
46:37Oh, but you already said you didn't want him, right?
46:39No hinterland.
46:39I didn't want him either.
46:41I didn't want to give him the exposure, but exposing him.
46:44Come on, that's a whole different show, isn't it?
46:46That's where you destroy him,
46:48and it lasts a fuck of a lot longer than a black eye.
46:53Revenge is a dish best served on television.
46:56...
47:17We beat Katzenberg.
47:22Oh, oh, oh, oh.
47:54Oh, oh, oh.
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