00:07people pleasing often gets mistaken for kindness it can look like always saying yes avoiding
00:13conflict putting other people first and trying to keep everyone happy on the surface that may
00:19seem helpful or generous underneath it can create stress resentment exhaustion and anxiety for many
00:27people people pleasing is not just a habit it is a survival pattern it can come from fear of
00:33disappointing others fear of rejection pressure to appear easy going or past experiences where
00:40conflict felt unsafe over time the mind starts to believe that peace only comes from keeping
00:47everyone else comfortable that is where anxiety often grows when someone constantly puts other
00:53people's needs first personal needs usually get pushed aside that may mean agreeing to plans that
01:00feel draining taking on too much at work replying right away out of guilt or staying quiet to avoid
01:06upsetting someone those choices may bring temporary relief but they often create long-term stress the
01:15body keeps carrying that pressure sleep may suffer irritability may rise decision making may feel
01:23harder even small requests can start to feel overwhelming setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable
01:30especially when guilt shows up right away many people assume guilt means something is wrong in reality
01:37guilt often means something is unfamiliar if someone has spent years believing that being helpful equals being
01:43worthy then saying no can feel selfish even when it is healthy if someone learned that conflict leads
01:50to rejection then even a simple limit can feel risky but healthy boundaries are not punishment
01:57they are not acts of rejection they are a way to protect emotional energy reduce resentment and create
02:04more honest relationships boundaries do not need long explanations in fact anxiety often pushes people to over
02:12explain clear and respectful language usually works better a healthy boundary might sound like this
02:19i'm not available tonight that won't work for me this week i need time to think before answering
02:27i can help for a short time but not all evening these responses are not rude they are direct calm
02:34and honest
02:35boundary setting boundary setting usually gets easier with practice it helps to start small pause before
02:42answering a request delay replying to a non-urgent message say no to one invitation that feels draining
02:50protect one block of time during the week choose what works instead of automatically adjusting to
02:56everyone else small choices like these help retrain the brain they teach the nervous system that having limits is
03:02not dangerous therapy can be helpful when people pleasing feels deeply tied to anxiety guilt
03:09perfectionism or fear of conflict counseling can help identify where the pattern came from what beliefs are
03:16keeping it in place and how to practice new ways of responding support can also help when worry feels
03:23constant relationships feel one-sided or daily life starts revolving around other people's reactions
03:30learning to set boundaries does not mean becoming cold or detached it means staying kind without abandoning
03:37personal well-being people pleasing may keep the peace for a moment but it often increases anxiety over time
03:44boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first yet they create room for self-respect steadier relationships
03:50and better emotional health
04:00river north counseling group llc 405 north wabash avenue suite 3209 chicago illinois
04:12six zero six one one office three one two four six seven zero zero zero zero zero https www.rivernorthcounseling
04:27.com
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