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00:08Welcome to Taskmaster. It's our third episode in, which means it's our special episode,
00:14Taskmaster After Dark, the adults-only edition of the show. I'm your host Tom Gleeson,
00:19and as you can see, I'm fully naked. The whole cast is naked, the audience is also naked.
00:25If you're watching this and we've got clothes on, it's probably your TV's parental settings.
00:30So get into the menu and have a little fiddle because you do not want to miss these pecs,
00:36Cashman's Birthmark or Rose Giant Donger.
00:41Competing in their birthday suits are Anissa Nandela, Brett Blake, Celia Popola, Doe Creasy,
00:53and Perth's very own Rose McManus.
01:00And next to me, as always, is the guy who once slipped a disc playing Candy Crush, it's Tom Cashman.
01:10Tom, do you have anything prepared that could waste about 30 seconds?
01:15Do you want to hear about my dating life?
01:18Um, uh, for the purposes of the show, yes.
01:21And for the purposes of one lady in the crowd just then, no.
01:27Well, f*** you, I'm doing it anyway.
01:32Dating life hasn't been a bit...
01:35And that's 30 seconds.
01:42Yeah, time's up. See how you like it.
01:44We can move on.
01:46Don't feel sorry for him, it's not going to work.
01:49That's enough time-wasting, let's get to the prize task.
01:52Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be
01:55the most impressive item that cannot be bought anywhere online.
01:59Okay.
02:00All right, okay, Celia, what have you got for us?
02:03Ooh!
02:03I have got a selection of cakes from a country bakery that only takes cash.
02:08Oh, wow.
02:09Yes!
02:11And I have not stopped thinking about those cakes for three months,
02:14so I have sent someone from this program out to that bakery to get a box of cakes,
02:18because I don't have cash because I'm a young person, shut up.
02:21And I'll tell you, in the moment when they were like, cash only,
02:24like, I went straight to, like, what can I get for a tooth?
02:26Like, give me an English tart.
02:28How many shoes?
02:29Just like bartering.
02:30I'll paint your house, what can I get?
02:32Okay, Anissa, what did you bring in?
02:34The house that I live in, the landlord refuses to fix the bathroom light.
02:38I won't say his name, Mr. Quinn.
02:41And my boyfriend 3D printed a selfie light holder
02:45so we can have light all over the bathroom.
02:48APPLAUSE
02:51Was it 3D printed with the pubes, or did that get added?
02:56Yeah, it was 3D printed with that,
02:58and it's horrible because we can't see without the light,
03:01but if you walk in there, it looks like we just do it for nudes.
03:05LAUGHTER
03:05All right, Rove, what have you got?
03:07I've got the lion's toy.
03:11What?
03:12So this is a ball that a friend of mine gave me from the zoo.
03:17It's exceptionally hard,
03:20but it looks like they have just carved through it like a knife through butter.
03:24Fascinating stuff.
03:34OK, but the ball itself could totally be gotten offline.
03:37You could easily get that ball online.
03:38But not slashed up like that.
03:39But you're saying the scratching is what makes it unique.
03:41Oh, yeah, I don't think you can buy a lion easily online to attack a ball for you.
03:46LAUGHTER
03:46Oh, I've tried.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:49I've got a couple of cougars at my joint.
03:51LAUGHTER
03:53That's a different species to lions.
03:55Yeah.
03:55Yeah, but the joke still works. Keep up, Tom.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:59All right, Joel, what have you brought in?
04:01My partner and I, we have a baby.
04:04Um, she's a dog.
04:06Um, I...
04:07Her name is Girlfriend, so we can say at the park, like,
04:10Girlfriend, get over here, or...
04:12Did you just shit yourself, Girlfriend?
04:14Um...
04:15Which I have said before to Sophie Monk at the Logies, but...
04:18LAUGHTER
04:19But my sister had a real-life baby,
04:24and I am her favourite uncle.
04:27Please welcome Charlie Rose.
04:30APPLAUSE
04:34Because Jack and I have opted against children
04:37and decided to go with, um, flying business class the rest of our lives.
04:41LAUGHTER
04:42OK, well, it's probably a good choice for the children
04:45that you aren't going to have too,
04:46cos they would have been on drugs, clearly.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:50From a very young age.
04:53Uh, all right, Brett, what do you have?
04:55It's a one-off painting that is to scale...
04:59Yeah.
04:59..and it's exactly what I look like with my shirt off.
05:04LAUGHTER
05:06APPLAUSE
05:08That...that package is to scale as well, so...
05:11Is that one of those genuine paintings, though?
05:13Cos I know how TV shows work.
05:14Often they get these things and they make props
05:16that look like paintings, but they're actually printed out.
05:19No, no, no, this is a one-off painting that's in my house,
05:20so when you walk into my house, this is the first thing you see.
05:23Oh, OK.
05:24So, who painted it?
05:25Who painted it?
05:26You know, it was one of the turtles that did the roof...
05:30LAUGHTER
05:30..in Italy.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:32Michelangelo.
05:33LAUGHTER
05:33Yep.
05:34Wow.
05:35We should give away some points, I reckon.
05:36The ball, even though it's been chewed up by a lion,
05:39that's just a damaged ball that you can buy on a lion,
05:40so one point to Rove.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:44I was like, I feel like that might have been printed out,
05:46I just don't trust him.
05:48I'm certainly certain that some turtles did not paint it.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:52I'm going to give three points to Anissa,
05:55cos I didn't really understand what it was,
05:56cos I'm 50.
05:58LAUGHTER
05:58I'm going to give four points to Celia,
06:00cos I love a country bakery, I live in a country town.
06:02But I'm going to give five points to Joel for his niece,
06:06cos I'm just worried about their self-esteem.
06:08LAUGHTER
06:10APPLAUSE
06:11OK, Lisa Tom, what's the first proper task?
06:14This first one features a doghouse,
06:15somewhere I'm sure the Taskmaster has never been.
06:18So I'll explain.
06:19It's another word for kennel.
06:21Oh.
06:32Tom!
06:35I'm ready!
06:37LAUGHTER
06:37Hi, Joel.
06:39Hello.
06:40Hello, Tomothy.
06:42You look like those people who...
06:44What are they called?
06:44The ones who marry people?
06:46Husbands?
06:47No.
06:47Right.
06:48Dog food?
06:51Oh, there's a...
06:52There's a dog over there.
06:54Hey, mate!
06:57Oh, he's a rude dog.
06:58Terrifying, actually.
06:59That is really scary.
07:01I'm almost surprised how long it took me
07:03to realise you're a pet over there.
07:05Dog food.
07:06Nice.
07:08Call the dog over.
07:09You may not leave the dock.
07:11The dog will only come when you call out
07:12its correct four-letter name.
07:14You have 100 guesses.
07:16Fewest guesses wins.
07:18Your time starts now.
07:19I don't think there's a dog here.
07:21Do you have a dog?
07:22I do.
07:23Her name's Girlfriend.
07:24So me and Jack can be like,
07:25get over here, Girlfriend.
07:27Oh, right.
07:28Do you just shit yourself, Girlfriend?
07:29Have you ever done that at the park?
07:31Shit myself?
07:32I have at Southern Cross Station.
07:34Oh, really?
07:34I had one...
07:35I had too many acai berries.
07:37I was on a health kick.
07:39APPLAUSE
07:42Joel, were you just repeating material?
07:45LAUGHTER
07:47I'll learn from the best.
07:49LAUGHTER
07:50APPLAUSE
07:51All right.
07:52Who are we going to start with?
07:53One of them hasn't even seen the dog yet.
07:55It's Celia and Anissa.
07:57APPLAUSE
07:57Oh, my gosh.
07:58I love it.
07:59Call the dog over.
08:03There's got to be a clue,
08:04because there's more than 100 four-letter words.
08:07I'm just going to try one.
08:08Fido!
08:08Fido!
08:10Rude.
08:11I don't think there's a dog here.
08:13You don't?
08:13No.
08:14There's got to be a clue.
08:16There's...
08:16The...
08:17Well, you're counting them, by the way?
08:19Yep.
08:19OK.
08:20Page A-R-R-Y.
08:21Harry!
08:24Carl!
08:25Is there a clue?
08:26Can I open this?
08:27I'm going to try and open this.
08:28I'm just going to open this.
08:29Is this going to be a mistake?
08:30Is this going to be a stinky mistake?
08:32I've just made a stinky mistake.
08:34Please don't use that in the promo.
08:36Come here, now!
08:38Is that three guesses?
08:39No, that's...
08:40There's come.
08:41They're all yelled.
08:42Yeah, but they're not full letters.
08:44Two of them are.
08:45Why would a dog be called come?
08:47Did you ever have a dog?
08:48Yes.
08:48He's known as Woofer.
08:49That's five letters.
08:50Did you have a dog?
08:51Yeah.
08:51What's his name?
08:52Tilly.
08:52How'd you spell that?
08:54Not telling.
08:55Tilly!
08:55Five letters.
08:56F*** you.
09:02Oh, shit!
09:03Hey, bro!
09:05What the hell?
09:07Am I high?
09:08No.
09:09Can you tell me your name?
09:11Were those all guesses?
09:12What's your name?
09:13No.
09:14Call the dog over.
09:17Call.
09:18Over.
09:19Doc.
09:20She's coming!
09:22Oh!
09:24Over.
09:25Yeah!
09:27Ah!
09:28Ah!
09:29You little ripper!
09:31There was a quick time I bloody did it!
09:34Oh, my God.
09:35I can't believe his name is Doc.
09:37That's crazy.
09:38Come on!
09:38You can do it over.
09:39Let's go!
09:40He looks like he's just clocked off.
09:41From being a dog.
09:43He's like, F*** his family.
09:45Here, boy.
09:46Come here, little buddy.
09:48Come on.
09:50I'm gonna hug you.
09:51I'm gonna hug you!
09:54Good boy.
09:55Hello!
09:55Hello!
09:56Hello!
09:58Oh, he's not into that.
09:59I didn't.
10:01Congratulations.
10:02You need to care more.
10:05Bye.
10:07Ah!
10:13So, Anissa, what's the dog's name?
10:16Over.
10:16Did you only just learn that now?
10:18Yeah.
10:19How did you figure it out it was over?
10:21Because the first line of the task is,
10:23call the dog over.
10:25Oh!
10:29But it...
10:29You are so smart.
10:30I mean, it...
10:31Hold on.
10:32You watched that, right?
10:33It took me 45 minutes to figure it out.
10:36OK.
10:37But just to be clear,
10:38just any word that was yelled out,
10:39that was counted.
10:40If it was called out, that's a guess.
10:42How am I to know how many letters
10:43these people think are in certain words?
10:45Right.
10:45So, if they yell out Harry...
10:47Yep.
10:48...which is clearly five letters,
10:51that's still counted.
10:52Yes.
10:52Yeah, Harry with one R.
10:53Oh, is that what you thought?
10:55Oh, while we're at it,
10:57Celia, how do you spell Tilly?
10:58T-I-L-Y, Tom.
11:00OK.
11:01Not my family.
11:03You know how I spell your name?
11:05D-I-C-K.
11:07Yeah!
11:09And that's...
11:13I've made a stinky mistake, haven't I?
11:16So, we're looking for the least number of times.
11:19Fewest guesses wins.
11:20Celia's guesses, some of them included,
11:22Can you tell me your name?
11:26Celia made a total of 27 guesses.
11:29That's really good.
11:31Aneesa's guesses included here, now, Aneesa, doggy, and hint.
11:38Hint?
11:39And Aneesa made a total of 18 guesses.
11:45OK, it's time for a break.
11:47See you after this.
12:00Welcome back to Taskmaster,
12:01where comedians are listing all the four-letter words they know,
12:05including the rude ones like drat and darn and...
12:10That's right.
12:11So far, we've seen Aneesa and Celia try to call a dog over
12:14by correctly guessing its four-letter name.
12:16Next up, he loves puzzles and being physically restricted
12:18to a certain area, so he's surely in his element here.
12:21It's Brett Blake.
12:24I hate this one.
12:25You guys are always f***ing with me,
12:27and I think this is one of those ones that you f*** with me,
12:29and I guess, like, a hundred things,
12:30and you get back to the studio,
12:31and then all the dorks online are like,
12:33oh, if you just didn't guess anything,
12:34you would have f***ing won.
12:41I'm gonna punch that f***ing dog as well.
12:50F***ing dog food.
12:51That's what it said on the can.
12:58Yes!
13:02Stinks, dude.
13:07What are you looking at?
13:11You're an idiot.
13:12I hate this.
13:13Over!
13:19The world's shittest dog.
13:22Come on, champ.
13:24Grab a feed, you little grub.
13:27It's over.
13:28No, that's over.
13:36Brett, thank you for referring to the dorks online.
13:40You're welcome.
13:41Yeah, or as I prefer to call them,
13:43our valued fan base who gave you this job.
13:45I still feel they'll be watching going,
13:47oh, he mentioned me.
13:49LAUGHTER
13:51So, why were you so angry about doing well?
13:54I'll be honest with you,
13:55I think I fluked that one,
13:56because I was like,
13:56well, if the dog does come over,
13:58eventually he'll be hungry,
13:59and then when I went to put the food out,
14:01then it was there,
14:01so I was pretty stoked with that.
14:03You thought what was obviously a man in a suit
14:06would eventually get hungry and eat dog food?
14:08LAUGHTER
14:09It was annoying me so much,
14:11I would have pushed his head into it at that stage.
14:14All right, so it looked like he got it in one.
14:16He didn't get it in one, though, did he?
14:17No, Brett yelled out, what's your name?
14:18So, Brett got it still in four guesses.
14:22Amazing.
14:25Who have we got next, Leser Tom?
14:27One of their first names is the answer rearranged,
14:30the other one's Liodge.
14:31It's Joel and Rove.
14:34The dog over.
14:38Over.
14:39Oh!
14:43Looks like he's coming.
14:44He's coming!
14:45Are you serious?
14:47I need this.
14:48I really need this.
14:49Yes, you're a good boy.
14:50Yes, you're a good boy.
14:51Yes, you're a good boy.
14:53Hello.
14:53Hello.
14:55Oh, he talks.
14:56Do you want this?
14:57Uh, yes, please.
14:58You want it?
14:59Yeah.
15:01What?
15:02Why are there binoculars in there?
15:03Don't worry about that.
15:06Good to see you, Ova.
15:08Thanks, Joel.
15:14Hi, Tom.
15:15Hi, Tom.
15:17Is that all you need me for?
15:18Your job is over.
15:20Thank you, Tom.
15:21Thank you, Tom.
15:22Thank you, Tom.
15:22Thank you, Tom.
15:25Thank you, Tom.
15:39Mr. Paul or Stupid Paul.
15:42And he's better looking as well.
15:43Brutal.
15:45Yeah, but they just call him Paul because he's in New Zealand Taskmaster, which is called Lesser
15:49Taskmaster.
15:54These nerds are so excited.
15:56They're like, oh, it's like the Spidey-verse.
16:00Remember Spider-Man coming home when there was just Tobey Maguire and they're all in the
16:05same room.
16:08Now, one thing I enjoyed in that was, Joel, you seemed surprised that you did well.
16:12Well, in my portfolio of tasks, that's my best one.
16:16So.
16:21Roe, were you disappointed you got the answer so quickly?
16:24No, no, as someone who also has a name that warrants rubbing your arse on the carpet a
16:28lot and drinking out of the toilet, I would have felt ashamed if I hadn't worked it out
16:33a bit sooner.
16:34What about your name makes you want to drink out of the toilet?
16:37Because it's very much like a Roe vaname.
16:39It's just a nice excuse.
16:41Also to hunt people's legs.
16:42Bark at strangers.
16:43Bark at strangers.
16:44We're in the mouth.
16:45We're in the mouth.
16:47I get very little mail.
16:51So, did they both get it on the first go?
16:53They did.
16:54One guess, one guess.
16:57So that means Celia gets one point, Anissa gets two, Brett gets three, and Joel and Roe
17:01both get five points apiece.
17:04What does that do to the episode overall?
17:06Roe is on six, but Joel's out in front with ten points.
17:11Remember this moment.
17:13Okay, competition is heating up.
17:15More soon after the break.
17:29Welcome back to Taskmaster.
17:31You've joined us at a very exciting time.
17:34Tom, what you got?
17:35This next task features something that's associated with our country because famous Australians
17:39do it so much.
17:39And no, I'm not talking about racism or abs.
17:54Hello.
17:55Hi, Celia.
17:56How are you?
17:57I'm okay.
17:57Okay.
17:58I don't want to warn you, but I just listened to a seven-minute guided meditation about creativity,
18:02so I think I'm going to crush this.
18:04Wow.
18:05Ooh.
18:06Shoes.
18:13Do the most elegant shoey.
18:17Yuck.
18:18Foul.
18:18Shoey's a foul.
18:19Ugh.
18:24Have you designed this for me?
18:26You must use the first shoe you touched.
18:28I didn't touch a shoe yet.
18:30Finally.
18:31Did something wrong.
18:32Something right, I mean.
18:33God damn it.
18:34I touched the shoes before, didn't I?
18:36Mm-hmm.
18:36Most elegant shoey wins.
18:38You have 20 minutes.
18:39Your time starts now.
18:40I think I touched the croc first.
18:42Is that correct?
18:42Mm-hmm.
18:43I've never done a shoey.
18:44But it's so broken.
18:45What is the most elegant shoe?
18:48I think it needs to be the longest shoey that is possible using this bad boy.
18:54I've touched it.
18:55That's mine.
18:56I'm going to do a stiletto.
18:57Ew.
18:58I'm going with this shoe.
18:59I feel like this is a brogue, but this looks like they've got money and kids they don't
19:04speak to.
19:04The most elegant shoeie.
19:06I'm not a very elegant person.
19:07I'm a very elegant person, so that's not going to be hard.
19:10Like, what's elegant like, like, romantic?
19:14Oh.
19:15Oh.
19:16We're on a date.
19:17Hey, I've actually done a shoey on a date before.
19:19Did a shoey on a date?
19:20Yeah, it was really bad.
19:25I like the intellectual contrast we had between the contestants while arriving in the room.
19:30We had Celia walking in going, oh, I've listened to a seven-minute guided meditation.
19:33Then we had Rove go, shoes!
19:38Okay, Tom, who's elegant shoeie are we going to see first?
19:41First up, we've got a shoeie enthusiast and a man who hates shoes so much he actually left
19:45his Gucci thong at the set.
19:47It's Brett Blake and Joel Creasy.
19:50I'm going to pretend it's my wedding day.
19:52Oh.
19:53Yeah, because what's more elegant than a wedding?
19:54I need something to marry.
19:56I'll marry Tom.
19:57Pretend you are not there.
19:58Okay.
20:04That rules, dude.
20:06I didn't fit into this.
20:06You really need to do some ab crunches.
20:09To be honest, you look about the same as some of the dates I've been on.
20:14I'm so happy at my wedding.
20:16I now pronounce you husband and wife.
20:21Oh, time for a little drink at my own week.
20:26I have actually been wearing the shoe.
20:29For the whole task.
20:30Oh.
20:30Just for authenticity.
20:32Now, I think, like, Lady and the Tramp.
20:34Oh, yeah, keep going.
20:36Oh, I'm so happy.
20:37But I'm so elegant.
20:39Oh, my God.
20:42I'm so happy.
20:44So, I'm going to...
20:46I'm going to...
20:47I'm going to get...
20:48Most romantic, shoeie.
20:50And then we're going to do it together.
20:51Ready?
20:51Oh.
20:53Oh.
20:53Oh.
20:54Oh.
20:54Oh.
20:55Oh.
20:56Oh.
20:56Oh.
20:57Oh.
20:58Oh.
20:59Romance.
21:01Buongiorno.
21:06So elegant.
21:08Next.
21:16Brett, I feel like all your dates end with you stomping out going, next.
21:20Is that how they go?
21:22Pretty much.
21:23You said earlier that you actually did a shoeie on a date.
21:26It was technically a thongie.
21:27I was in a mullet-off competition.
21:29Was it a coincidence that you did a date at a pub that just happened to be running a mullet
21:34competition?
21:35It's Perth.
21:36They're always doing a mullet competition.
21:38And I got second, which is really annoying.
21:40Who bit you?
21:41A guy who did a...
21:42He scalded a beer through a Chico roll, which is cheating.
21:47Sorry, I'm still pissed off about it.
21:49Now, Brett, I feel like you were doing your usual thing where you read the task and then
21:53you change the task in your head and you do some other task.
21:58Maybe?
21:59Yeah.
22:00Because we were looking for the most elegant shoeie and you went elegant, romantic.
22:05Elegant, romantic.
22:06They're all kind of the same thing.
22:09Now, Lester Tom, you were pretty violent with Joel when you were throwing the rice.
22:14I felt like there was a bit of hate behind that throw.
22:15It was confetti and my instructions were, go nuts with it.
22:19Yeah, but like, you know, like camp nuts.
22:21Like, you know, put on a show, not just like peg it at me.
22:24But I think elegant.
22:26I mean, you can't get more elegant than that.
22:28But I have to ask Joel.
22:29Yes?
22:30Is it a shoeie if you put a cup inside a shoe and then you drink out of the cup?
22:35Oh, okay.
22:38Well, you don't see anyone at the Formula One going, oh, hang on.
22:42Hey.
22:44Well, I'm so elegant, I don't go to the Formula One.
22:46So, no, I think I worked with what was there.
22:50I was allowed to use it.
22:51I think you might call that elegant thinking.
22:54Okay.
22:54I think I'd call it elegant cheating.
22:59All right.
22:59Who's shoeie are we watching next?
23:01It's Anissa Nandola.
23:37That was amazing.
23:39Did you put a cup in the shoe?
23:41No.
23:41No, you did not.
23:44It was bloody great.
23:45What inspired that?
23:46You know those catwalks where they do the thing
23:49where they just walk like that?
23:51You mean modelling?
23:53Yeah, there it is.
23:55Yeah, I thought that would be really cool to channel that.
23:57I think she was inspired by the nature of the shoe.
23:59A stylish white sneaker is what you went with.
24:01All right, there we go.
24:03All right, now's your chance to do as many shoeys
24:06as you can in the length of one ad break.
24:08If you're not a huge drinker, have a thongy
24:10and we'll see you soon.
24:12CHEERING
24:24Welcome back to Taskmaster.
24:26We're trying to improve Australia's drinking culture
24:28by showing you how stupid people look when doing shoeys.
24:31That's right, and they do look stupid.
24:35But they're trying to look elegant.
24:36Up next, with a regrettably wide variety of British accents
24:39on display, it's Celia and Rove.
24:43Oh, hello.
24:44I'm an old billionaire.
24:46Rather than spending my golden years in space
24:49or a bunker that I've built,
24:50I prefer to be here at Pearly Grove.
24:53Retirement facility, community and facility.
24:57I say, would you like to join me
25:00in this marvellous high tea we have set up?
25:03Why y'all saw...
25:04Why y'all saw my...
25:06Pinky's out, please.
25:08When my dear husband Ralph passed away,
25:11I lost my tiny mind.
25:13But rich people are allowed to be insane.
25:16When I said I'd like to have a cup of tea with Ralph
25:18and they said he's passed away, Mervis,
25:20I said, I know, I'm not mad.
25:22I just do things how I do them.
25:25Would you like cream?
25:26Yes, please.
25:27Ah.
25:30Excellent.
25:31Here at Pearly Grove, what we say is,
25:33the only thing better than an early grave
25:35is Pearly Grove.
25:36Because it lets you be yourself.
25:38Even if you're someone who wants to drink tea
25:40out of your dead husband's shoe.
25:44I miss you, Dalek.
25:47I miss you.
25:49Cheers.
25:50Cheers.
25:50To you, my good friend.
25:53Pinky's out.
26:15Long live the king.
26:19Redenalte, this tea is not strong enough.
26:22Make it again.
26:24APPLAUSE
26:30I think they were both great.
26:32I think they were two great sketches
26:33worthy of Skithouse.
26:35Wow.
26:37That's a big deal.
26:38That is a big deal coming from Australian Fast Bowler.
26:40I appreciate it.
26:45You know what?
26:46We shouldn't really move on until we get
26:48Lesser Tom to do a convincing English accent.
26:50I think he let the team down there a little bit
26:52for you, Rove.
26:53I didn't have warning that I was going to be involved.
26:56I mean, I didn't have what?
27:03So, Celia, that was a great performance.
27:06Did you set it in a retirement village?
27:08Yes.
27:09I'm just beside myself.
27:10I'm delighted.
27:11That came out better than I thought it was going to.
27:13Did you set it in a retirement village
27:14because you wanted to appeal to Rosehaven fans?
27:16LAUGHTER
27:19Hey, hey, I'll have you know
27:21that our fan is 60 at best.
27:24OK, I've got to give out some points, don't I?
27:26That's right.
27:27Most elegant shooey wins.
27:28Joel didn't do a shooey, so that's easy.
27:30OK, one point to Joel.
27:31We're over!
27:32I want a divorce!
27:34I'm going to give two points to Brett
27:35because it was kind of romantic, not elegant.
27:38It's a bit hard to split Rove and Celia,
27:41but because of the commitment to the gumboot,
27:43I'm going to have to give Celia three, Rove four,
27:46and then right at the top, Anissa with five.
27:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:53Well, that's enough elegance.
27:55What have we got next?
27:56Before this task, I mentioned Van Gogh
27:58and Brett got excited, but it's to do with painting.
28:00LAUGHTER
28:02LAUGHTER
28:02MUSIC PLAYS
28:08MUSIC PLAYS
28:09MUSIC PLAYS
28:13Hello.
28:14Oh, craft!
28:15What's your favourite animal?
28:17MUSIC PLAYS
28:18MUSIC PLAYS
28:18My favourite animal is, um, I love...
28:21MUSIC PLAYS
28:22MUSIC PLAYS
28:23MUSIC PLAYS
28:23I'm going to say...
28:25MUSIC PLAYS
28:26Because I feel like you're going to get me to draw it,
28:28and I could just grab that and trace it.
28:29MUSIC PLAYS
28:30That's a hard one.
28:30I don't really like animals.
28:32The one that I dislike the least?
28:33Probably one I could fight off, like a...
28:35MUSIC PLAYS
28:36MUSIC PLAYS
28:39All right.
28:39Paint your favourite animal far away from the canvas.
28:43Once paint or brush touches canvas, you may not move.
28:47If the taskmaster cannot correctly guess the animal that you've painted,
28:51you'll be disqualified.
28:53You've got to guess what it is.
28:55Not me.
28:55What?
28:56If the taskmaster...
28:57Are you the taskmaster?
28:59LAUGHTER
29:00What are you, then?
29:01I'm the assistant.
29:02Oh, so the other...
29:03Oh, Baldi's the bloody...
29:05Yeah, all right.
29:06You may not write any words on the canvas.
29:08FURTHEST DISTANCE PAINTED FROM WINDS.
29:10You have 20 minutes, and your time starts...
29:17Now.
29:19APPLAUSE
29:21So just to be clear, we've beat their chosen animals,
29:24because I have to guess them.
29:25That's right.
29:26So I don't know what they are.
29:27Also, it was a weird coincidence that all of their favourite animals
29:30were racial slurs.
29:31LAUGHTER
29:33OK.
29:34And also, Brett, just to confirm,
29:36we're three episodes into the fifth season
29:39of a very successful show called Taskmaster,
29:42and I am the f***ing Taskmaster.
29:45He's the assistant.
29:48Taskmaster, assistant.
29:51All right, whose painting are we going to see first?
29:53With favourite animals of Beep and Beep,
29:55it's Anissa and Joel.
29:56I don't know how I'm going to paint when I'm far away from the canvas.
29:59And once the painter brush touches, I can't move.
30:03It's touched.
30:04I was pretending!
30:06Brushes touch the canvas, you may not move.
30:08I might need to go get a super soaker.
30:10Put them up.
30:13I think that's enough water.
30:15Oh, OK, so I'm going to draw myself.
30:17I'm not kicking the s***,
30:19but I'm just showing that if I had to, I could.
30:21This looks like the d*** doesn't deserve it.
30:24But I would never just hurt an animal for no reason.
30:26So I'm going to have to put a, like, R, a human arm.
30:30So they know that the d*** has done something to deserve this.
30:34Otherwise, it's just d*** up.
30:36I'm going to have a little practice run.
30:39Oh, this is going to work bright!
30:40Look at that!
30:41I could sell this, I reckon, afterwards.
30:42Donate the funds to a, you know, an animal poaching charity.
30:46Donate it to animal poachers.
30:48No, an anti-poaching charity.
30:49I feel like you're watching me like I'm a kid
30:52whose parents got divorced and I've got problems
30:54and you're making me paint my feelings.
30:56How far is that from the truth?
30:58Pretty close.
30:59I'm feeling less confident now that I'm here.
31:05Painters touched canvas, you may not move.
31:07Damn it!
31:08This is what I'm thinking.
31:09You take the canvas over there
31:10and to make it seem like I painted it, I'll move.
31:12Throw the paintbrush out the canvas.
31:14So that's furthest painting.
31:15Okay.
31:18I see it, don't you?
31:20I can't see anything else.
31:21It screams s*** to me.
31:23Go, go, go, go, go.
31:25Stop!
31:28There we go!
31:30Painting from a distance.
31:37I'm done.
31:45Anissa, I feel like you were as far away as a regular painter
31:49with slightly longer arms would have been.
31:51No, I did an aerodynamic paint.
31:55Oh, do you think that really long one's going to count?
31:57One hundred percent.
31:58Why?
31:59Because it added to the painting, a very integral part.
32:02Oh, okay.
32:02So when you're at someone else's place and they're cooking
32:05and they make a beautiful meal, do you walk over and put parsley on top
32:07and go, I cooked all of that?
32:11Okay, I think I'm going to have to take the original distance.
32:14I mean, that's where the painting was done, I guess.
32:16All right, Joel.
32:18When I can explain what mine is, it'll move you to tears.
32:22I, you know, really challenged myself with a super soaker
32:24because I wanted to impress the taskmaster.
32:30All right, well, I guess I have to have a guess.
32:33Yeah.
32:33Let's have a look.
32:35And we'll see.
32:37Um, okay.
32:39I think I've got Anissa's because there was a lot of referencing
32:41to kicking her and, you know, the way that you use the word dog.
32:44So I'm guessing Anissa's favourite animal is a dog
32:47and I think that Joel's favourite animal is flies.
32:54Can I tell you what my favourite animal is?
32:57I'm going to look at it while you say it.
32:58I love elephants and this is...
33:01No, no, wait, wait, wait.
33:03This is a drone shot of a herd of elephants
33:07running away from those evil, evil poachers.
33:12I feel we're avoiding the issue of
33:14what is Anissa doing to that dog in the painting?
33:17My favourite type of animal
33:19is one that I don't have to be scared of.
33:21Your answer when I asked you what your favourite animal is...
33:23Did I just make something up?
33:24No, you said small, helpless dog.
33:30Okay, so to get back to the scoring,
33:31I didn't get Joel, so we don't count how far away he was.
33:34It was flies! It was flies!
33:37It was not flies, it was elephants.
33:39Yeah, Joel's fundraiser for the animal poaching community
33:41was done from 3.2 metres away,
33:43but it doesn't count.
33:45He's disqualified.
33:46Anissa was painting a dog,
33:47so her score of 1.1 metres will count.
33:50Okay.
33:52That's too much fine art for my liking.
33:54This is commercial television, goddammit.
33:56We'll see you after these ads!
33:57APPLAUSE
34:09Welcome back to Taskmaster.
34:11You've made your way back.
34:13You're here.
34:14We're here.
34:15Where are we all going next, Cashman?
34:16Our comedians are trying to paint their favourite animal
34:19from as far away as possible.
34:20If you don't recognise the animal and the painting of it,
34:23then they are disqualified.
34:24With favourite animals of Beep, Beep,
34:25and my personal favourite, Beep,
34:27it's Brett, Celia and Rove.
34:29APPLAUSE
34:33Furthest from the canvas...
34:35Flagpole?
34:35How heavy is that flagpole?
34:37Now, Tom, as we discussed,
34:39I'd like to have you involved.
34:40What I'm going to do is I'm going to launch it,
34:43like, yack it, real high,
34:46and then you've got to, like, with the canvas, yeah?
34:49Okay.
34:49Do you have any gaffer tape?
34:51Yep.
34:52Good.
34:52Go get tape.
34:53Okay.
34:53Good boy.
34:59I don't know this is going to work.
35:00Okay.
35:02I mean, it looks funny.
35:04I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.
35:07Oh, no, I wouldn't.
35:08Sorry.
35:08So you've got to guess it at the end
35:09for the task to be complete.
35:11I'm not the taskmaster.
35:12Oh.
35:13That's right.
35:14I already know what it is.
35:15Well, he'll know what it is now
35:17because there'll be footage of it.
35:18We're going to blur it.
35:19Okay.
35:19I'm going to write on your forehead
35:21because they can't blur your face.
35:25And you've got a monobrow for no reason.
35:30Can you pretend to be my canvas?
35:32Sure.
35:33Could we do a different colour
35:35if we're doing it on my face?
35:36Hasn't been cancelled yet.
35:37Let's not start now.
35:40Oh, dude, that's going to rinse you so bad.
35:43Can you get cancelled for being blue face?
35:45I don't think so.
35:46Great.
35:46Okay.
35:53I'm just going to try and make a stamp
35:54and we'll see what that looks like.
35:56Okay.
35:56Does that look like **** to you?
35:58Well, we've got time to test
35:59whether the slingshot works.
36:05I'm pregnant and there's stirrups or something.
36:13Oh, jeez!
36:14So I just want to go...
36:14Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:16Okay.
36:17Hold on.
36:17Let it...
36:18Uh-oh.
36:19No, that's not going to work.
36:20It's too heavy.
36:21Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
36:23One minute and 50 seconds.
36:24Shit, shit, shit.
36:25Tom, help, help.
36:26Hold this.
36:26Hold.
36:27Do you want to have a go at this?
36:28Yeah.
36:29Come on, have a go.
36:30We've got time.
36:31This is sick.
36:34Hang on.
36:37Ready?
36:41Tom, I'm just going to go for it
36:43and just believe in myself.
36:46You touched canvas.
36:47That's what I could feel.
36:49Tom.
36:49Yes.
36:50I've regretted this already.
36:52All right, back to the task.
36:53Let's go.
36:55Grab that.
36:56Okay.
36:56Ready?
36:58Yeah.
36:58Fire in the hole!
37:05My flank pop!
37:07Quick, get that off the thing!
37:08Okay, okay.
37:09Something yellow is getting on that canvas, Tom.
37:15This marvellous creature.
37:17So majestic.
37:19How much time have I got left?
37:2049 seconds.
37:2149?
37:22Yeah.
37:23Here comes...
37:34Not bad.
37:40Yes!
37:41Yes!
37:42It's stuck in there as well!
37:45Guess that, Tom.
37:58What?
37:59So, Brett, we continue to see you.
38:01Just...
38:01It seems like you just do things that you think will be fun.
38:05Whether it relates to the task or not.
38:07No one is telling me off and I'm just having so much fun.
38:12I was trying to use the animal as like a stamp was my idea.
38:16Okay, but you kept on practising like with balls and all the things that weren't the actual object that you
38:20wanted to use and then at the last second you just threw it and it went in.
38:23Yeah!
38:24Nailed it!
38:30Now, Celia, you were a bit on the same track.
38:32You were making a stamp?
38:34Yep.
38:34I thought I was genius thinking of the flagpole and it wasn't that heavy and then putting the pool noodle
38:38on the end and then I was faced with a very flaccid paintbrush.
38:43Now, Rove, you went for a long pole as well.
38:46But when you actually went to paint, you were instantly disappointed with what you had but you persevered anyway.
38:50Yeah.
38:51Did you learn that from your years of doing live TV?
38:53Absolutely.
38:54You're like, oh!
38:56I'm just going to...
38:56Keep going!
38:57You'll get there eventually!
38:59Keep on trying, little one!
39:02Alright, well I need to be able to guess what the animals are.
39:04That's right.
39:04That's the price of entry.
39:05So I think we need to see your beautiful artworks.
39:12Tom, Tom, if you don't get that.
39:15No clues, please.
39:16No clues?
39:16No clues!
39:17You can see what Bret's is!
39:20Sorry, I'm a good shot.
39:22Okay, well, I'm going to accept that Bret's is a collage.
39:25Okay.
39:26Collage?
39:26That's not what Bert it is, you dickhead.
39:30Alright.
39:35That was really good.
39:36I'll take it.
39:37You still appeal to young people.
39:40He's back, baby!
39:41He's back, baby!
39:44Um, yeah, so I'm thinking Bret's is a kookaburra or something like that.
39:47That's correct.
39:49Celia was trying to stamp something.
39:50I have to guess what the original stamp was.
39:52I mean, it kind of looks like a bird too, but I don't really know what one.
39:56I'm going to say maybe a little chicken?
39:59Incorrect.
39:59A baby chick?
40:00I will cut you, Tom.
40:04Try again?
40:04You want to try again?
40:05There's no trying again.
40:06Well, it's yellow, I guess.
40:08Oh, a canary?
40:08Oh, you want to hurt me, don't you?
40:12It's a little yellow bird.
40:14This type of bird is depicted in this way when they're fake.
40:18Oh.
40:18Also, it rhymes with, come on, you ****.
40:27It's a canary.
40:29No.
40:31Yeah, it's a duck.
40:32But I've missed it, I'm so sorry.
40:34I know, I know.
40:34Okay.
40:35Okay, now, Roves.
40:36I'm a, that's a bit tricky.
40:38Favourite animal.
40:39To me, it looks like an alligator looking to the left.
40:44Incorrect as well.
40:45Oh.
40:45It's meant to be a hippopotamus.
40:47Oh.
40:47Yeah.
40:48You can see it, but there was no hippos to throw at the canvas.
40:51Yes.
40:53Well, that means Joel, Celia and Roves are all disqualified.
40:58But Anissa somehow ends up with four points.
41:01And Brett takes home five points.
41:03Yes!
41:05In terms of the episode scores, we've got Celia in last place on eight points.
41:09Fine.
41:10But Anissa's in the lead with 14 points.
41:15You're all too close to me.
41:17Get on the stage for the final task of the show.
41:19Off you go.
41:24Okay, who's going to read the live task?
41:26Brett will be reading this one.
41:28This is actually my worst nightmare.
41:29This is just like being at school again.
41:31Let's make the dyslexic kid read out loud.
41:35Blow one of your beach balls into the goal.
41:38You must only blow a beach ball.
41:40And must never touch it deliberately.
41:43You must remain behind the line.
41:46Fastest wins.
41:47You read it perfectly.
41:48You touched it, mate.
41:50You touched it.
41:51Take that, Year 8 English teacher!
41:54Yeah!
41:54I'll take the task from you, Brett.
41:57Woo!
41:58Hey!
42:06Ready, set...
42:08This is hot.
42:10That's insane, brother.
42:13That seems dumb.
42:14Shit!
42:17I may need another ball.
42:18Where's my balls, please?
42:28Get out of my way!
42:30Get out of my way!
42:34These are unblowable!
42:35What is happening?
42:36These aren't the eyes of me in my element!
42:38I can wipe out my ball and I don't evenskin.
42:43Hello!
42:44You're welcome to the ice ball!
42:45Hey, the other side, let's go to the distance!
42:46I don't know.
42:50Hey!
42:56They're a tremendous amount for you to body.
42:58It hasn't been curtains for me now.
42:59He can go worldwide!
43:07Uh...
43:11Oh
43:28Guys careful
43:32Come on this
43:35Are we still on it? Yeah
43:38What a bomb is impossible
44:05You're adjusting too much
44:07You're adjusting too much
44:09Bring it bitch
44:11All right
44:11Come on
44:12You get in the basket
44:17Push it
44:19No
44:20No
44:22I'm sorry I tried
44:24I tried
44:26I've got to back up
44:34Go
44:35Go
44:35Go
44:36Go
44:36Go
44:36Go
44:37Go
44:37Go
44:37Go
44:37Go
44:38Go
44:38Ooooooh!
44:42Ooooooh
44:43Ooooooh
44:45Ooooooh
44:47Ooooooh
44:56Ooooooh
44:57Noo!
44:58Ooooooh
45:00Ooooooh
45:01Ooooooooh
45:03Maybe we can help each other
45:12I'll come from the front ready three two one
45:32it's the bloody climax of the show what a great time to go and watch some ads who's at the
45:37top
45:37who's at the bottom more importantly who's in the middle we'll see you after this
45:52welcome back to taskmaster where we surely just invented a new olympic sport but first lesser tom
45:58please dish up some scores for us well joel was the last person still standing even though he was
46:03lying down at some point um so one point to joel two points to anisa three to celia four to
46:08rove
46:09but winning by a few minutes it was brett blake i was gonna say what are the odds a guy
46:14with a
46:15mullet knows how to use a leaf blower i am so dizzy but it has been such a thrill to
46:20be on q a tonight
46:21thank you this is not q a people are watching now before you announce the winner shall we look at
46:29the scores for the series overall yes please in last place at the moment is joel on 37 points
46:35but brett is in the lead at the moment with 51 points
46:48congratulations to brett head up to the stage and collect your impressive difficult to acquire
46:54things
46:56well there we go but what have we learnt joel wanted so badly to teach us his dog's name
47:03he told us twice anisa wanted so badly to teach a little dog a lesson she painted it happening
47:11and i learnt there's another taskmaster's assistant out there with self-esteem so low
47:16he's willing to dress like a dog it's the best that's goodbye from us and a final congrats
47:23to our winner brett good night
47:35adorable