- 12 hours ago
Gogglebox Season 27 Episode 16
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Do you know what's this you've got here?
00:01What's what?
00:03Oh, you've got that out of the fridge.
00:05What is it?
00:07It's avocado.
00:09Avocado?
00:10Yeah.
00:10Jesus Christ, I'm going to be moving to Charlton you soon.
00:13I'm not moving to Charlton.
00:15They eat lentils.
00:16We don't eat avocado, do we?
00:18Yeah.
00:18You're just getting it interesting, posh.
00:20I've got avocado in the fridge.
00:27Have you ever done it all like that?
00:28Well, I ain't telling you what they asked.
00:32Oh, Barcelona.
00:35No, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me how to eat my dinner.
00:39A what?
00:39Food fetish.
00:41I had no idea that was a thing.
00:42Remove my britches.
00:44Expose your loins.
00:45I like that.
00:46Oh, Ronnie.
00:50This is weird.
00:51Jeez, he's a mercenary bugger, isn't he?
00:53This is why I don't date.
00:54That is Dyson with the devil.
00:56Oh, no.
00:56He suffers for his art, doesn't he?
00:59A Bentley Continental!
01:01I think I'd rather call it a day, Natalie, wouldn't you?
01:04Who's been arrested now and for what?
01:08In the week, the BBC announced a new presenting trio on Strictly.
01:13We enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:17A blast from the past from Down Under was doing her thing on Eurovision.
01:26I mean, for Australia, having Delta Goodrum in here, you know, this is like us putting
01:31Adele up.
01:31Why don't we put Adele up?
01:33Because she wouldn't be seen dead at Eurovision, so...
01:36It is shite.
01:39We finally got to see who was first past the post on BBC One.
01:44He's signing over at Leif.
01:45I'm fine if you won the race.
01:47I'm 20,000.
01:48Imagine taking your dad and race across the world.
01:51Sorry.
01:52I mean, you find him first.
01:54My dad's probably racing across the world.
01:55He's been racing across the world since 1983.
02:00And there was no escape for dodgy drivers on Channel 5.
02:05Overflow now!
02:06This is what it is, isn't it?
02:07We find them, we lock them up.
02:08If I ever got pulled over, I wish I would hope to be there.
02:12I think I'd be stunned.
02:14Like a hamster when they see light.
02:17I think it's normally deers.
02:20Not hamsters.
02:30In Wiltshire...
02:32I've been starting to tackle my man cave, Mary.
02:35And?
02:36And all the stuff from my mother's house.
02:38This is called Family 45 Records.
02:42Giles and his wife, Mary.
02:44That's the most annoying record of all time, Nutty.
02:47What's that?
02:47Manhattan Transfer, Chanson d'Amour.
02:50Oh, dreadful.
02:51Let's sing it.
02:52Ra-ti-ta-ti-ta.
02:53No.
02:54Ra-ti-ta-ti-ta, Mary.
02:55No, no, it was the most awful record ever.
02:57Chanson d'Amour.
03:00Stop it.
03:00Ra-ti-ta-ti-ta.
03:02Right.
03:02Do you remember it, Mary?
03:03Yeah, I do. I hated it.
03:04How's that come back into our lives?
03:06On Saturday night, the BBC was live from Vienna
03:10for the biggest song contest of the year.
03:12Here, buddy, this is your first ever.
03:14You're originally watching it.
03:16Watch it, buddy.
03:17It's your origin.
03:19I don't know why we need so many bloody flags, though.
03:21Well, it's all the countries, isn't it?
03:23I know, but I'm not arsed about all the others.
03:25It's the UK.
03:28It's just the UK.
03:33Do you know you're as old as the Eurovision Song Contest?
03:37Am I?
03:3870 years old, it is.
03:40God, bloody hell.
03:42I'm glad I can't remember the first one.
03:44It's bad enough having to sit through this one.
03:48After some stiff competition, it was the UK's chance to shine.
03:53There he is.
03:54Look, mum, no computer.
03:56Look, mum, no computer.
03:58Has he got a name, or is he Look, mum, no computer?
04:01I mean, sure, he's got a real name.
04:02I don't think he was, like, born that,
04:03and that's not on his birth certificate.
04:05Come on, look, mum, no computer.
04:07Eins, zwei, drei.
04:09Look, mum, no computer.
04:10Eins, zwei, drei.
04:11I can see Deutsch.
04:12This is supposed to be really crazy.
04:14It is.
04:14I've heard it.
04:15It's good.
04:28Oh, we've lost.
04:31Yeah, we've lost.
04:33Put that away for another year.
04:40What the hell?
04:43God, for the UK act, this has gone very Eurovision.
04:46This has.
04:47It's funny, there was a language that I could count in.
04:50It looks like if the two Jedward brothers were one.
04:55Yes!
05:02I'm quite into it.
05:05Eins, zwei, drei.
05:06I think this is a bit avant-garde for me, Mary.
05:09Eins, zwei, drei.
05:10With a slice of pepperoni.
05:13With a slice of pepperoni.
05:16With a slice of pepperoni.
05:18I could actually add this to my Spotify.
05:21No.
05:21I'm coming back to life.
05:24I don't know what's going on here.
05:29I think it might be me.
05:31Am I too old for this?
05:34Yes.
05:35Cutting in English doesn't cut the mustard.
05:38So sick of munching roly-poly with custard.
05:41Roly-poly with fucking custard.
05:44You've just seen words that rhyme, isn't it?
05:46Yes.
05:46Eins, zwei, drei.
05:48Downy-nally.
05:49Jumping, shopping.
05:50Eins, zwei, drei.
05:52With a slice of pepperoni.
05:53I don't mind this record, but I'd like it to stop now.
05:57He's had enough time.
05:58When I say ice, you say bye.
06:02Ice.
06:03Bye.
06:04Ice.
06:05Bye.
06:06Bye.
06:07Bye.
06:08I don't think you say nice.
06:10Bye.
06:10When I say ice, you say bye.
06:16I think we've nailed it this year, Julie, suppose we've got.
06:19I can hear the phone lines buzzing in for this.
06:22Honestly...
06:2312 points everywhere.
06:25Honestly, if I had unlimited minutes on my phone,
06:27I'd be ringing up to vote for this.
06:28You have.
06:30Oh.
06:31Batteries flat.
06:35In North London...
06:37I'm really nervous.
06:38My friend's organising this thing where we're meeting, like,
06:41a whole bunch of new people.
06:42Mm.
06:42And I'm a bit nervous.
06:44I've got social anxiety.
06:45And, like, so I want to debut, like, a new laugh.
06:48A new laugh?
06:49A new laugh.
06:50So I'm going to try them out.
06:51Tell me which one's the best.
06:52Okay.
06:53Sister Samira and Amani.
06:55I was thinking, like, a silent laugh.
06:57Oh, my goodness.
06:58Yeah, like, one of these ones.
07:03Yeah.
07:05That's my...
07:06Like, a silent laugh.
07:07You know, you need help.
07:09You actually need help.
07:11Can you just be normal?
07:13My normal is...
07:14LAUGHTER
07:17That's my normal.
07:19I can't do that.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:21Yeah, definitely don't do that.
07:23I can't open my mouth that big.
07:25I really shouldn't.
07:26There's no ladylike.
07:27On Tuesday night, we were back at the coalface on Channel 4.
07:31You can't have barbecues at minute.
07:33We had bloody Hailstone the other day.
07:35We've been having four seasons in a day.
07:37You don't know what bloody coats I put on.
07:39Oh, man, I can't wait.
07:40I'll get the shorts out, T-shirt, clean up the drum.
07:43Ah, look at Sarah.
07:44She's looking at me like...
07:45What, the jerk drum's coming out?
07:46Yes, the jerk drum is coming out.
07:48The jerk chicken is coming out, girl.
07:50The first glimpse of sunshine, and we just want to get outside and barbecue.
07:54Correct, we do.
07:55And I bloody tried that the other day.
07:57It was sunny all the time.
07:59Then everyone came round.
08:01It pissed it down.
08:04You're smashing it, man.
08:07I've never seen Dad so excited about anything.
08:10That's brilliant.
08:11It's just barbecue.
08:12I love it.
08:13What's on the barbie menu today, then?
08:15So this is going to be a celebration of breakfast.
08:19Oh.
08:20El, are you watching this?
08:21OK, are you listening?
08:23Yeah.
08:24The full Monty English breakfast, but not as you know it.
08:27No, I don't think people have got the energy, Mary.
08:31You've got to get the barbecue going before you can cook on it.
08:33Yeah, you have to start that up at five in the morning, yeah?
08:35So instead of turning, like, 20 bits of bacon, use a skewer like that.
08:41Ultimately, you've got one thing to turn instead of 20.
08:44It's like a little bacon skirt.
08:46Oh, that's sick.
08:47So you're wifting and wafting.
08:49Yeah.
08:50Bada boom, bada boom.
08:52Then when it comes to the sausage, I'm going to do pretty much the same.
08:54Two skewers holding four sausages.
08:56I don't like fat sausages.
08:58I like chip-a-laders.
08:59But we have an opportunity to add some flavours that sausages absolutely love.
09:03That's onion and sage.
09:06Red onion.
09:07It's always got to be red onion, not white onion.
09:09Oh, not this debate again.
09:10Always red onion.
09:11Sage, honestly, it's something I'd never think to use on food.
09:15Like, genuinely, when have you ever used sage?
09:17I've lived it my life.
09:19A lot of people put the charcoal everywhere.
09:22Yeah, you do.
09:23We don't want that.
09:24We want control.
09:25Oh, there you go, Steve.
09:26You're listening.
09:27Now, if you've got a gas barbecue, really simple.
09:29Turn one side on four whack and then the other side on off.
09:32Why don't you know that?
09:34That's what we've done, Jamie.
09:36Fucking simple.
09:37Gas barbecue.
09:38There's a reason we're not living in caves anymore, Jamie.
09:41With the mushrooms here, take the little stalk in the middle.
09:44Love mushrooms.
09:45I hate mushrooms.
09:46I've never tried a mushroom, actually.
09:48And just cut it off.
09:50Peel the mushrooms.
09:51Who knew he could peel mushrooms?
09:53Oh, yeah.
09:54I love peeling a mushroom like that, Simon.
09:56Really?
09:56So therapeutic.
09:58With the mushrooms, turn those over.
10:01I'm going to take a great cheese halloumi.
10:04We keep forgetting about halloumi, Natty.
10:07We do.
10:07Do you know what?
10:08I'm not asked about halloumi.
10:09I think it's overrated.
10:10I think people just say, oh, yeah, can I have halloumi?
10:14And they're like, really love halloumi.
10:15They don't really.
10:16It's just jumping on a bandwagon.
10:17Just get the coarse side of a grater.
10:20It's kind of chewy, but it's also a little bit oozy.
10:23Grating halloumi.
10:24Never seen that.
10:25Maybe I should grate halloumi.
10:26I've done everything else with it.
10:29Not everything.
10:31As that bacon starts to get crispy...
10:33Yeah, what's going on with the bacon?
10:35You can pick it up.
10:36Look at that.
10:37Come on.
10:38And all the drippings can be brushed over your sausage.
10:42Well, if ever there was a euphemism.
10:44LAUGHTER
10:47You're taking it one step too far for me, Jamie.
10:50So, look, I love the idea of, like, pushing barbecue to the next level.
10:53So, an egg going into the pepper.
10:55It's very cool.
10:57Peppers were a fry-up.
10:58Yeah.
10:59Probably the only thing I'm not loving so far.
11:01OK.
11:01Peppers are for fajitas.
11:03All right.
11:04And fajitas only.
11:05The smell is incredible.
11:08Oh, look at that.
11:09Oh, where did he come from?
11:12What the hell?
11:13Hold on.
11:15Oh, that's the pizza guy.
11:17What's his name?
11:18It's not Donatello Versace.
11:20No, he's close.
11:22Ginado?
11:23Go, go, go, go.
11:25A little bit of basil on there.
11:27Yeah.
11:27Beautiful.
11:28You ready to eat?
11:28I am.
11:29Yeah.
11:29Yeah.
11:30If he brought that to the table, I'd say, well, that's all very well, Jamie.
11:34Could I have mine not burnt?
11:36Tuck in.
11:37My God, what a breakfast you prepared for me.
11:40Hallelujah.
11:41You'd have a full tin of beans easily with your breakfast, wouldn't you?
11:45Oh, yeah.
11:45And so would you.
11:46I might not both have tins of beans.
11:49Let's buy that barbecue, Mary.
11:51We've got one.
11:52I know, but it's crap.
11:54Is it?
11:55You haven't even tried it yet.
11:56No, I just don't like old things.
11:58Well.
11:58The older I get, the more I want new things, Mary.
12:02What?
12:02That's an irony.
12:03I like to buy new, fresh things.
12:06Well, you, too bad.
12:07I've had a lifetime of hand-me-downs and I'm fed up with it.
12:10I don't want a brand.
12:11I deserve better.
12:12No, you don't deserve.
12:13I deserve better.
12:14You certainly do not.
12:15I deserve one of these, Mary.
12:16You don't.
12:25In Blackpool.
12:26Tell you what, it will bloody melt in that barbecue.
12:28That we hosted the other night, wasn't it?
12:30Yeah.
12:30I say, wait, me and Ben.
12:31Yeah.
12:32Yeah, not me.
12:33It were all good produce, that and all.
12:36Meat from the butchers.
12:38Food from the fancy supermarket.
12:40Pete and his little sister, Sophie.
12:42Well, the highlight of the whole barbecue for me was because you were running late, because
12:47you were held up at work, Mum said to Eva, where's Daddy?
12:53And Eva turned around and went, is it Zumba?
12:57Just because Paige goes to Zumba on a Thursday, now everybody goes to Zumba.
13:02It's just the thought of you at Zumba, running late for the barbecue.
13:08I can't make it to the barbecue.
13:10I'm just Zumba at the moment.
13:12This week, the strange goings-on continued on Apple TV.
13:16If you looked at it and it says Widow's Bay, you'd think, there's something going wrong
13:22there.
13:22Why is it called a Widow's Bay?
13:24Because all the men die.
13:26Exactly.
13:26So you wouldn't go, would you?
13:27I'm going there, actually.
13:32We've never had so many visitors.
13:36Oh, what's that?
13:38Princess Anne.
13:39What?
13:40How do you know that's Princess Anne?
13:42Oh, sorry, whatcha called?
13:45Florence Nightingale.
13:46Exactly.
13:51Country lanes at night time.
13:53Forget it.
13:53It's pretty spooky.
13:54Yeah.
13:58Hello, what's he looking at?
14:02Somebody's in the road.
14:06Old lady.
14:07Oh, no, they're the worst.
14:10Miss?
14:11Oh, no, no, no.
14:13There's something very wrong with that figure, Mary.
14:16Do you need a ride?
14:17Do you need a ride?
14:19Hang on, Tom, no.
14:20Is he for real?
14:24What is that?
14:26She don't look wild.
14:27It's Kate Bush, nothing.
14:28No, it is.
14:34Yep, reverse.
14:36Bye.
14:37Oh, look at her, look at her.
14:39Oh, God.
14:39Oh!
14:40Oh!
14:46I can't reverse that quick, either.
14:48He's good, though.
14:52What was that?
14:54Something went down the side of the car.
15:01I can't!
15:04Help!
15:07She scratched his arm, so.
15:09Now he's genuinely frightened, Mary.
15:11He's been touched by a ghoul.
15:13Sounds like the sea hag.
15:15The what?
15:17Your scratch.
15:18The sea hag.
15:19Old fisherman's lore, you heard of it?
15:21Another old lore that I've not heard of.
15:23The hag targets lonely sailors and follows them home at night.
15:27She scratches you and she gets some of your skin under her fingernails so she can track you down like
15:34a bloodhound.
15:35You could track him down anywhere now.
15:37She could track you down by the skin under her fingernails.
15:39Imagine having a woman that interested.
15:42To find out more about the sea hag,
15:44Mayor Tom popped to wicks.
15:46Have you ever heard of a hag?
15:49I have.
15:50It's a cute cat.
15:52I only know the sea hag.
15:56Specifically one that scratches you and then tracks you down.
16:00The look on his face says it's not good.
16:02I would be saying that face is now alarming me.
16:05Yeah.
16:06Can I tell you again and you're doing different things?
16:08Every sailor knows the story of the hag.
16:14Every sailor knows a lot, don't he?
16:16I don't understand. How do you die?
16:18No, I don't neither.
16:20If he crawls into your bed and sits on your face.
16:22What?
16:35Look, look, look.
16:36He's getting weak, isn't he?
16:38Yeah.
16:38The scratch is taking effect.
16:43He's bleeding. The coat's bleeding.
16:48Oh!
16:49He's bleeding even more.
16:50So she'll be able to smell that, man.
16:54Don't fall asleep, Tom.
16:56She'll have you.
16:58Oh.
16:59Oh, God.
16:59Sit up! Sit up!
17:02Oh, no.
17:03Oh, there she is.
17:04No! Oh, no!
17:05Look where she's coming up from.
17:07Oh, my God. Oh, my life.
17:12He can't move.
17:18Ooh, look at those nails.
17:20Oh.
17:21Hang on.
17:22Oh.
17:26No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:27Oh, my God.
17:28She's got to sit on his face.
17:29She's doing it.
17:29She's got to sit on his face.
17:33Oh, my God!
17:34Oh!
17:37He's got to recline the chair.
17:43Oh!
17:44Oh!
17:45Oh!
17:45Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
17:49Catapulted her over his shoulder.
17:54Quick, quick, quick!
17:55Shut the door!
17:58Is he getting in the bath?
17:59What good that gonna be?
18:03Stop breathing is a shower curtain sufficient to keep her out. I don't know. He didn't lock the door either
18:11did he?
18:16Oh Lord the head will appear it's not the head I'm worried about
18:24Oh
18:26Oh
18:27The smelly can smell it always right Joe you would be though wouldn't you have an it stick? Oh?
18:37It's weak
18:47Is she dead
18:53Oh
18:54Where is she she's turned into seawater, aren't she? What are you thinking about?
19:02Don't get a funny ideas you know
19:07Who would your ideal smother be?
19:13Nitro with those arse cheeks every quick and painless
19:17I
19:22Hey, do you know the other day Jenny?
19:24Yeah
19:24There was a there was a police fan speeders you know
19:28Or a camera
19:29Yeah
19:30I'm surprised you weren't being done yet
19:32Why?
19:33Best friends Jenny and Lee
19:35You know when you say you go slow
19:36Yeah, I do
19:37You do not
19:38You was like a shit off a fucking rabbit on that in there on your cat
19:43You was
19:43Look at you laughing because you know don't you
19:46I couldn't even keep up with you
19:48What shit off a rabbit on that in there on Sunday night
19:59There were more mad mutts on Channel 5
20:02There's no such thing as a bad dog
20:04Just a bad owner
20:05You're quite right
20:06He seems to be obsessed by you for some reason
20:09Well, he's the only one in the family who is
20:11But he's
20:12Unless you've been feeding him from the tape, have you?
20:16Well then you need look no further it's cupboard love
20:21What's this silly this is nothing to do with you this is how the other doggies behave
20:24Not you
20:26First up Graham's in God's own country
20:30Yorkshire
20:32Well, I'm in Yorkshire today near Barnsley
20:34Budgie's from Barnsley
20:35She is, ain't she?
20:37Oh
20:37Nathan and Cathy
20:39Whoa
20:39Wow, look at him
20:41Got six-year-old Rio
20:43Here
20:44As a puppy
20:45Oh, he's too big, isn't he?
20:48I wouldn't want to feed that, I tell you
20:49Couldn't fault her
20:50No
20:51He's a fantastic dog
20:52With a strange personality
20:55Dave with a strange personality
20:56Oh, Dave was gorgeous
20:58Come on big lad
20:59Now a 15 stone adult
21:01Oh
21:0315 stone
21:04I'm not far off
21:05Come on big lad
21:06I'm not wrong
21:08Come on
21:09Come on, come on Rio
21:10Rio
21:10He takes some manoeuvring about at times
21:13Come on now big boy
21:14Bad he does eh
21:15He don't want to get out the car
21:16He don't want to go out
21:17Come on Rio
21:18No, no, don't pancake, please
21:20He knows this is the vet
21:21Which one of ours was it?
21:23It was Bobby
21:24He knew when he was at the vet's
21:26He didn't like getting out of the car at the vet's either
21:29No
21:29Rio, please
21:31Look
21:32I don't think saying please Rio is going to do any good, do you?
21:36No
21:36I don't like going to the dentist
21:37Exactly, it's the equivalent
21:39Yeah
21:39I remember I've had to get in and pull you out like this a couple of times
21:42Yeah
21:42To get a filling
21:45Rio
21:45And that's not the only issue
21:47What else is there?
21:48Oh God there's more
21:50He will not walk upstairs for anybody
21:53Oh golly
21:54Oh golly
21:55He's a pain in the neck isn't he?
21:57He's stubborn isn't he that dog
21:59Even at home where bedrooms are up them
22:02You know what they need there?
22:04Stairless
22:05What for the dog?
22:06Yeah
22:08Graham's meeting Rio
22:09Come on
22:10At his vet's car park
22:12Morning
22:13Come on Graham
22:14Sort this Rio out
22:15So what do you do eventually to get him out?
22:18How does this end?
22:19Come on
22:20Yeah
22:20Yeah
22:21And then we drag him
22:22Pull him
22:22Pull him
22:23And then it falls out
22:25Or to pull him out on the road
22:26You are a plava
22:28Just down the road there's another car park
22:31Oh what is this one that you don't like?
22:34Oh we're using the push and pull technique now are we?
22:37Oh yeah
22:38Oh you got there in the end
22:39Oh my goodness Mary
22:41Poor Cathy
22:41You know think about it
22:43She's retired and this is the shit she's having to do here
22:45Yeah
22:45She's on all fours in the back of a bilingo
22:47Yeah
22:48Not how she planned to spend her retirement out
22:51So basically anywhere you go he just refuses to get out?
22:54No not really
22:55There's one place he will go
22:57Where's that?
22:57The pub?
22:58Come on
22:59That's where I'd go
23:00And that's the pub
23:01Oh
23:01The pub
23:03He knows where he's going doesn't he?
23:07Good lord
23:08Look at that it's straight in
23:09There's a spring in his step now
23:11There's always dog treats in the pub
23:13That's the thing
23:14There is dog treats in the pub
23:15You're right there Sean
23:18Can I have his usual please?
23:20His usual
23:21Which is?
23:22What's he getting?
23:26He's giving him crisps
23:27Back at the house
23:28Graham had some pub treats for Rio to get him up the stairs
23:32Now remember
23:33We need to hit this with a bit of pub energy
23:35Pub energy
23:37Come on
23:38Pub energy
23:39Come on everybody
23:40Give it pub
23:41Come on
23:42Rio
23:43Come on
23:45Come on Rio
23:47Come on
23:47Rio
23:48Come on
23:49Yay
23:49Come on
23:50Yay
23:51You can do it
23:52Yay
23:52Come on we're doing it now
23:55I don't know
23:55Go on Rio
23:56Go on
23:57Yay
23:59Go on Rio
24:00Clever lad
24:01You've never been up here
24:03Aesop
24:04And who would have thought by feeding a dog treats it would actually do what you want
24:08It would do
24:09Never come across that
24:18No I'm just doing an inquest about this pork pie nutty
24:22Oh yes are you pleased with it?
24:24Sadly no
24:25Giles and his wife Mary
24:27And I'm not being funny nor nothing Mary but it's not a proper pork pie
24:32So what?
24:33It's nicer than a pork pie
24:35It's a sophisticated
24:36It's called a pork and pickle pie
24:39Yes
24:39Which should immediately send red lights buzzing in anyone's head
24:46It's soggy
24:47Oh you horrible man stop touching it I'm going to take it away
24:51It's soggy
24:52If you're ungrateful
24:53No
24:53There are a hundred men who would say
24:55Ooh that's a sophisticated take on a pork pie Mary
24:59I'm going to have that thank you
25:01And then
25:01You're not having it again
25:03On Monday the police were on patrol again on Channel 5
25:07I think you'd be quite a good interceptor
25:10I think if I was the driver and you were giving me directions
25:13We would intercept a lot of criminals
25:15Oh yeah
25:16If I was the driver and you were giving direction
25:18We'd end up in Wales
25:20Intercepting a ditch
25:21Yeah
25:25Do you know the reason why I couldn't be a police officer?
25:29Too short
25:29No
25:31I wouldn't be able to remember my collar number
25:34That's not a very nice thing to say
25:37There's a van that's just hit a camera at Alfred Street
25:41Oh the old ANPR's triggered off
25:43What's that?
25:44Automatic number plate recognition
25:46Get you
25:47Good work in the police
25:48It's a comments marker
25:50I think I put it on a few days ago
25:52The vehicle's in a bad condition
25:54Uh oh
25:54I didn't know Alistair Campbell had joined the police
25:57It's a white van
25:59While I was off duty
26:01I noticed that the windscreen was all smashed
26:03Go to bed wearing the badge
26:04Welly Road
26:05My sister's shop used to be on there
26:06Oh is that where it was?
26:18Yeah
26:18I don't know if it kills him
26:19Yeah he's looking
26:20Yeah Michael's gonna have him
26:24There it is
26:25So he lights him up and the chap complies
26:28Comply or die
26:29Okay so the reason I'm stopping you
26:31No
26:32Obviously your windscreen's smashed
26:33Oh I've had that before
26:35It literally happened this morning
26:36No it didn't
26:37Oh porky pies
26:38Oh he's a chancer isn't he
26:40Oh it just happened this morning that
26:42Stone on the road
26:44He's got no MOT and no tax
26:45No MOT
26:47No MOT
26:48I love it the way he's going
26:50No MOT
26:50Are you sure?
26:52I wouldn't say that you see
26:53I would say it's a fair cop gov
26:55And you've got me bang to rights
26:57Right because your tax has expired
27:00And it's out of date by three months or more
27:03It gives us the power to seize your vehicle
27:05Take it and it's smashed anywhere
27:06I'll give him it and see
27:07I'll take it mate
27:09While the driver gathers his things
27:12Michael's gonna have him for fly tipping in a minute
27:14I don't think so
27:14The handbrake don't work does it?
27:16Of course
27:17It does not work
27:18The handbrake don't work
27:20What the hell have he been doing?
27:23There's nothing on that at all
27:25That's the handbrake?
27:27Or it's not the handbrake
27:29Yeah
27:29It's like Fred Flintstone's car
27:31Yeah
27:31Does he even start now?
27:34How does the van start?
27:35He's got to wiggle it a bit lad
27:36Yeah
27:37Shake it
27:38Give it a jimmy
27:39And then rock right to left
27:40And the engine will start
27:41Yeah
27:41Oh my god
27:43It's a shed on bloody wheels that thing
27:45So those are the details you need to give
27:46To get your vehicle back
27:48Alright?
27:48Thanks very much
27:49Alright?
27:50Good luck to you
27:51Have an O.C.
27:52Our policies require them to have a valid M.O.T. and tax
27:57Ohhhh
27:57He's got a hat trick here his mate he was driving
28:00Yeah
28:01So I was saying that the vehicle is taxed and M.O.T.
28:03If it is not it immediately invalidates his cover
28:06You know he's like
28:07Yes, yes, yes, yes
28:08So he's not insured now?
28:10Oh my god
28:10Oh god
28:11The driver pleaded guilty to no insurance, no M.O.T. and driving a dangerous vehicle
28:16What does he get then?
28:17He got six points on his licence and over £1,700 in fines
28:22£1,700 in fines
28:24Shitter brick
28:26More than the van's worth
28:31You can just have the van offset it against the van
28:34I'm going to par-text the van on my vines
28:40Oh my god
28:42The tiredness in my body knows no bounds today
28:44Well, the tiredness in his body but he's to blame
28:47He's completely to blame
28:49I don't know what that was about until 4.30 in the morning last night
28:52Andrew and his husband Alfie
28:55Were you literally up all night with him?
28:56Yes, pretty much
28:57OK, this is not funny, Pablo
28:59Yeah, I need a nap, kid
29:00Excuse me
29:00Pablo
29:01Hello
29:01Wake up
29:02I'm not surprised he's like that
29:03Pablo?
29:04Are you interested in watching television?
29:07Earth to Pablo
29:08Not happening
29:10That should be me
29:12On Friday, it was all eyes on Burnham and a by-election on BBC News
29:18He should come out
29:19Go on, go on out
29:21He ain't there then
29:22He is
29:22What are you flipping about with?
29:24He's not there
29:25In Southern Ireland
29:26There is such a small community
29:29That the news is genuinely interesting
29:32And they would have somebody on saying
29:34A woman's car broke down in Blanchardstown yesterday at 3 o'clock
29:43And a very kind man stopped and helped her to get it going again
29:47When she got home, she found his jacket in the back of the car
29:51And she's no idea what his name was
29:53If you're watching, would you come forward?
29:56And then by the end of the programme, the man whose car it was would have rung in
30:01Yes
30:01Do they all speak as if they've got a Jamaican accent?
30:05Jamaicans and Irish are very similar
30:06Jamaicans and Irish are very similar
30:09Good evening and welcome to the BBC News at 6
30:12A lorry driver parked his car on O'Connell Street yesterday
30:15Just left it for a minute
30:17But while he was gone, somebody stole his mobile phone
30:20With his last pictures of his daughter on them
30:23Would you give it back?
30:24The Mayor of Greater Manchester, Andy Burnham
30:27Has tonight been given permission by Labour's ruling body
30:31The National Executive Committee
30:33To stand in the Makerfield by-election
30:35Which is what he was hoping for
30:37It's happening
30:38Because he can't go for Prime Minister if he isn't an MP
30:40Yeah, it's a bit tricky that one
30:41After he was blocked from taking part in another by-election earlier this year
30:46Oh he was, yeah, that's right
30:47He would have won there as well
30:49He had blocked him
30:49Team Burnham, so we want him doing alright across the country
30:53The Labour MP Josh Simons announced he was stepping down yesterday
30:56To give Andy Burnham a chance to make it back to the Commons
30:59Don't you find it all quite creepy and weird, this?
31:02Because the chap's had to give up, hasn't he?
31:04Said, right, I'll give up and you can stand in my seat
31:08Allowing him then to challenge Sir Keir Starmer for the leadership
31:11Yeah, but he has to win that seat
31:13He's not guaranteed, is he?
31:14No, no
31:15Of course he'll win that seat
31:17He's the king of the north
31:18Get ready for an almighty by-election race
31:21Oh dear
31:23Bit smaller shorts, aren't they?
31:25Andy Burnham has been given the green light to apply to be Labour's candidate
31:28He's doing the old Boris Johnson method
31:32Running in tiny shorts
31:33It worked for him?
31:35I don't know if it did
31:36I'd be fuming if someone caught me like that, honestly
31:40You've got to give it to him though, his calves are really good
31:43Are they not? Look at them
31:45David, alright? Good to see you, ma'am
31:53What's that?
31:53It's quite a feat to nail a handshake on an escalator going the other way
31:57Who think he could turn things around for the government
32:00And could soon be challenging Keir Starmer for the keys to Downing Street
32:05I think Burnham's done a decent job around Manchester
32:07He stopped the congestion charging, that's good enough for me
32:10That were the cost of silly money every day
32:12Now he made the buses better
32:13The Prime Minister wants you to think he's getting on with the job
32:17Ah, wants you to think he's getting on with the job
32:19He really wants you to think that
32:21But actually, the economic indicators over the last few weeks are bloody good
32:26The country, GDP, had gone up
32:29And waiting times on the NHS had gone down
32:32So it's like just quietly getting on with it
32:34There's a lot of stuff that needs fixing
32:35Do we really need to be messing about with a bloody leadership change?
32:38No
32:38We don't, do we? I don't think
32:40In Makerfield today, Labour were out campaigning already
32:42You'd be buzzing if you were from Makerfield, wouldn't you?
32:45Putting your town on map
32:46Be chances to get your head on telly
32:48Exactly, you'd be up and down High Street, wouldn't you all the time
32:51Trying to get someone to throw a mic at you so you can give an opinion
32:55Including Josh Simons, the man who's standing down
32:58To give Andy Burnham a route back into Parliament
33:00It depends on how many people turn out on the day, how much they're interested
33:03But saying that, this is building up a lot of interest in it
33:06So people will come out to vote now, won't they?
33:07Hopefully
33:08A bumpy week for Labour, the government and the country
33:13It's unlikely to be the last
33:15I just think, are we ever going to have a Prime Minister
33:19Do the full term that they've been elected for?
33:22It'd be nice, wouldn't it?
33:23It'd be nice for a change
33:25The pound is plummeting
33:26And they're going to throw the country into disarray
33:29When there's a global stage we should be standing on
33:32And yes, Keir Starmer is boring
33:34But it's early on, just let him get on with it
33:37Because no-one else at this stage is going to make it any better
33:40No, they're not, they're going to probably make it worse
33:51In Blackpool
33:52Hey Soph, you know how Paige has been begging me to get rid of the three-wheel van out of
33:56the garage?
33:56Have you sold it?
33:57No, she's never getting sold
34:00But, I've been able to put it in a lock-up
34:03Pete and his little sister Sophie
34:06I've managed to get it in the back of a long wheelbase transit van
34:09Jesus Christ
34:10Almost like a Russian doll set up
34:12Straight in the back of a van
34:13Van in a van
34:14Yeah, so we lifted it straight in, it was dead easy
34:18But, to get it out, we thought, oh well we'll just roll it out
34:22So we put the two planks either side
34:24To wheel it out
34:26Only we'd forgotten that it was three wheels
34:28Yeah, what about the middle wheel?
34:29Well, after pushing it out the back of the van
34:33Oh no
34:34It just went
34:37On Thursday night, the end was in sight for these backpackers on BBC One
34:42Watch out, babe
34:43Babe, babe, race across the world, sit
34:46It's now not race across the world, so it's the final race
34:50Final race across the world
34:52I mean, could you imagine me doing race across the world, Steve?
34:59Ah
34:59I'd have to get taxis everywhere
35:02And then where would I...
35:04Taxi?
35:04Limbo?
35:05Let's do this, ma'am
35:065am, departing as race leaders for the second time
35:09Thank you
35:10Thank you so much
35:13This is the last leg now, isn't it?
35:15Last leg
35:16Do you know these are real good mates, these, so
35:18Yeah, they are
35:19They've got each other through it, I think
35:20Hat gal
35:21Let's go
35:24Hat gal
35:25Hat gal
35:26Hat gal
35:27Hat gal, where the hell's that?
35:29Mongolia
35:30The boys plan to swing east
35:32Taking a chance on connections from the capital to Mongolia's second largest city, Erdenet
35:38That's the route I take
35:39The train?
35:40Well, where you're well connected
35:42Yeah
35:43It's a bit like, sometimes you've just got to go into London to get back out
35:45Exactly
35:46Do you know what I mean?
35:47I'm trying the overnight train to Erdenet
35:51What the hell?
35:52Oh, oh, oh, what's the matter? Don't tell me they're all cancelled
35:54What are you thinking?
35:55There's no trains they can get for now
35:57No trains they can get tonight
35:59God
35:59Did you get a bus?
36:01Er, bus?
36:03Unbus?
36:04Unbus?
36:05Make me
36:07No
36:08Train ticket
36:09Only train ticket
36:10This is really a case of computer says no, Matty, isn't it?
36:14Yeah
36:14They've dropped a bollock here, so this could be the difference between winning or losing this, you know
36:18Andrew and Molly have pushed into the lead by arriving into Tetserleg
36:22Oh, they've gone the other route
36:24OK, they've overtaken them
36:26Yeah
36:26This is going to be close
36:28Can we ask you a really important question?
36:30We need to get to Jaggerland
36:32Jaggerland
36:33They are enlisting the help of guest house owner and tour operator Murray
36:36Oh, now that's clever, a tour operator
36:39Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's going to know what he's doing, doesn't he?
36:41Andrew and Molly jammy, aren't they?
36:43Landed right on their feet with him, haven't they?
36:46That's it there
36:47That is Jaggerland
36:48OK
36:48Yeah
36:49That's Jaggerland
36:50Yes, so is that
36:51How many Jaggerlands are there?
36:53Oh, there's loads of them
36:54What, all the same name?
36:55Yeah
36:56Throughout Mongolia, it's common for places to share the same name
37:01Jaggerland being especially popular
37:03There's loads
37:05Well, how do you know which bleeding Jaggerland you're going to go to?
37:08Well, I suppose you've got to go for the one in the middle Jaggerland
37:11Yeah, it's that middle one
37:12Take me direct to middle Jaggerland
37:13You're not going to go over to the right, are you?
37:15Fuck right Jaggerland
37:19Oh, my goodness
37:21This is travelling gang
37:22Oh, my God, look at that road
37:24Well, that's a bone shaker, innit?
37:26Tracy, you'd be as sick as a dog
37:28Oh, yeah, very in the middle of nowhere
37:30Andrew and Molly have arrived in Jaggerland
37:33Oh, they're there
37:35Jaggerland, here we go
37:41I hope this is the right Jaggerland
37:45I hope this is the right Jaggerland
37:49So do I
37:49Oh!
37:51Oh, no!
37:51It's took him to the wrong one
37:53It's took him to the wrong one
37:54It's took him to the wrong one
37:54No!
37:55Well, I mean, there was five
37:57It's easily done
37:58Where is he?
38:00I don't understand
38:01I mean, I don't understand either
38:03But I know you're in the wrong freakin' place
38:04We pointed to the right one, I think, on the map last night
38:08This is where the blame game starts now
38:11The dad's that mad, he's just gone silent
38:13She's the mouthpiece in this
38:15He's gone nonverbal
38:16Are we in the wrong one?
38:17You guys pointed to the map
38:19That's where we want to go
38:20You know what?
38:21You won't be the first
38:22You won't be the last
38:22That's mixed up your Jaggerlands
38:23Surely, now they have to rethink what they're doing
38:26Oh, yeah
38:26They can't be staying in Jaggerland anymore
38:27No, no, Jaggerlands, no go now
38:30They'll have to go to Jaggerland instead
38:32Yeah
38:35Later in the programme, after getting things back on track
38:38Both teams were closing in on the finish line
38:42Let's go
38:43Let's go
38:45I see you, Katie
38:46I'm coming
38:47Right, come on
38:48Who's in front?
38:49Is that the end?
38:50Molly and Andrew
38:51I can't tell
38:52No, no
38:52I can't tell
38:53I think it's Joe and Chris, Jane
38:55This is it, Rob
38:57Oh, it's Ellie
38:58They're nearly there
38:59Yeah
38:59Oh, they're the best team win
39:01Come on
39:01Yeah
39:02I think that's it
39:03I think that's the boys
39:05That's the boys
39:05It's the boys, are they first?
39:07Well, let's see
39:08When they open the book
39:08Oh
39:09If you open that book and there's another name in it
39:11You'd miss it, wouldn't you?
39:12You've successfully reached the finish line
39:13He's signing no relief
39:15I'm fine if you won the race
39:16Yeah, but are they the first?
39:18Who's the first?
39:18Who's first?
39:19Who's first?
39:20Oh, turn it over
39:21I know, it's killing me, the suspension
39:23I know
39:23Yeah, come on
39:24Three, two, one
39:27Big one
39:28Oh
39:31Oh, fantastic, boys
39:33Oh, my God
39:36I'm the only one
39:38No
39:39Well, they deserve to win that
39:40Well, you need to sign up first, you cretins
39:42Yeah, because someone could come up behind you while you're larking around
39:45I think if
39:48I would have won £10,000 at 19 years old
39:53It would have been blown in River Island and on Jagerbots
39:57I feel sorry for Joe and Cush here
40:00Because there's not going to be a Weatherspoons round there to celebrate in
40:06In Leeds
40:07I'm practising my waitress skills
40:09Look
40:10Daniela, you're stressing me out
40:11Why?
40:12Keep it sensible
40:13Oh, God, you know what? You're ruining all the fun
40:15I don't ruin the fun
40:16I just like to play it safe
40:17Best friends Danielle and Daniela
40:20Show me
40:21How would you carry them? Show me
40:23You only had two
40:24And a mug
40:25So you hold it like that
40:28And then you'd see these two here
40:29That's a stable
40:31Yeah?
40:32Oh, piss off
40:38On Sunday night
40:40A bunch of Gen Z's were swapping their lives for something completely different on Channel 5
40:45If somebody took off the mallet
40:47If somebody took off the mallet they'd love it
40:47Oh, yeah
40:48They wouldn't want to go back to the normal life
40:50Oh, yeah
40:50They're likely being a lazy bastard
40:57Is this that film with that man in it where the train places? No
41:02No
41:03If you had to trade places then who would you trade places with?
41:08With Nitro's wife
41:12Yes
41:12Jesus
41:13Yeah
41:14You didn't take long enough to think about that
41:16No
41:16That was instantaneous
41:18Yeah, I know
41:19Bang
41:19Yeah
41:22Steeped in history and tradition
41:25Christ College Brecon is among the most prestigious boarding schools in the country
41:29It's so prestigious we haven't heard of it
41:31Yeah
41:31I think it's quite prestigious in Wales
41:35And it's about to welcome three new students who'd written school off
41:39This is like the real life borders
41:40Yeah
41:41I'm not an academic person at all
41:43I get easily distracted
41:44That's like me
41:46Hmm
41:46I like to question authority
41:48If I don't understand why I tell them to do something I'm just not going to do it
41:51Whoa, this is going to be interesting
41:53I love these shows, man
41:54That's going to go down well in the private school
41:57I used to get in trouble just from talking too much
42:00Me too
42:01Yeah, I'm like all of these children in the back of this car
42:04Just all mixed into one
42:05They're going to mix with people that want to do well
42:08Which might brush off
42:10Exactly
42:10Christ College is run by Headmaster Mr Pearson
42:14Oh, he looks rather fierce
42:16A no-nonsense former Royal Marine
42:18Oh, bloody hell
42:19Who leads the school with a cast-iron belief in the Brecon way
42:23People are like dogs
42:24Dogs need to be trained and disciplined and punished
42:28And people need to be punished too if they're not working
42:31For a prospective family looking to buy this education
42:34That could be a £250,000 over five or six years
42:37A lot of money
42:38What?
42:39How much?
42:4150 grand a year?
42:42That's more than me house is worth
42:44You'll come here for breakfast, lunch and supper
42:46Breakfast is quite early by the way
42:487.30
42:497.30am
42:50Yeah
42:51A.M. it's breakfast
42:53She's literally doing the maths
42:54She's like I'm going to have to get up at 4am
42:56So I can get my edges laid
42:57The next day, after an early start, it was off to assembly
43:01Got to be on time
43:03I'm actually going to die
43:04I think the discipline might be hard for them
43:07Shall I be able to take your coat off?
43:09All right
43:09Yeah, thank you
43:10It's just the other way you'll be the only one
43:12You don't want to stand out
43:13I think she does want to stand out
43:16That is her aim
43:18Well, can you take your cape off?
43:20I'd be saying you've got a cape on some
43:22Why is it so formal?
43:24They all come walking in in a straight line
43:26That would not happen at high school
43:27She can't understand why the other children are disciplined
43:29She's never seen disciplined children before
43:32Yeah
43:34No one's like, oh yeah yeah yeah, high five on my days
43:36Now you may have noticed that we've got three brave young people
43:40That are going to join us as pupils for the week
43:44Oh my god, I'm going to die
43:46So in no particular order we have Shadia
43:51She's like, wait
43:53Where you going to do that to her?
43:56Danny and Molly do come down
43:58Oh my god
44:00Oh my god, they're bringing them down
44:02Oh, put the spotlights on them as well
44:12You're getting a good reception
44:14This is what poor children look like
44:17Please come to the front
44:21Later on, we saw the visiting students join an English lesson
44:25We're going to continue our study of Thomas Hardy's poems
44:28That he wrote in the wake of the death of his wife
44:31Who's that?
44:32I only know Tom Hardy the actor
44:34I know a lot about him
44:37I want you to write on the window
44:39Or the board
44:40Just what stands out to you
44:42On the window?
44:43I think he's saying he's gone crazy because she's dead
44:45For Shadia, this way of learning is a game changer
44:49Is she liking this now?
44:51We were writing on the windows and stuff
44:53It was different
44:54No wonder why they get better results in boarding school
44:56Because they wait on the windows?
44:58No, because they just do a different method
44:59Oh
45:00Hardy is tired of feeling the grief of losing Emma
45:03Go on Shadia
45:04Ew, she's interested now
45:06However, this is a paradox of grief
45:08As he pairs the word with craze
45:11Which contradicts himself
45:12Fucking hell
45:13Whoa
45:14What the heck?
45:15Mate, she's quite clever
45:16Yeah
45:17Mic drop
45:18Michael said mic drop in front of the teacher
45:21Yeah
45:22I like that
45:23I like that
45:24I can do this
45:25I can do this
45:25Yeah
45:26In this environment
45:27This suits me
45:28But it costs 50 grand
45:31Do you know, I love my children
45:32Do I love them quarter of a million quid a piece?
45:36For education?
45:38No
45:39I don't think I do
45:40And the dancing beat of the bank holiday needs a Jamie barbecue recipe like fish tacos or lamb on the
45:51coals
45:52Stream now for inspo
45:54Now between faith and feelings, Keely Hawes and Papa Essie Adu are wrestling with the tender and the taboo
46:00Falling, stream it now
46:02First Dates is up next
46:07Perfect
46:08Perfect world
46:09Perfect world
46:10Perfect world
46:10Perfect world
46:10Perfect world
46:12Perfect world
46:12You
Comments