- 8 minutes ago
burger
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00No matter where you are, the girl has gone.
00:08So, I'm taking this new night class, and it's all about post-impressionists, Matisse, Cezanne.
00:15You have no idea who these guys are.
00:18Yes, I do. They're evil, and they must be destroyed.
00:25No, no, Andy, see, all these guys died a long time ago.
00:28Then my job is done.
00:33Sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:34Come on, Andy. Upstairs for dinner.
00:36There is no Andy here. There's only Wolverine.
00:41Oh, great. Because I'm making your favorite dinner. Small woodland creatures.
00:48Thanks for watching him, Lou.
00:49Oh, he's no trouble at all. He only chased one car.
00:52Oh, Jake the pinstriper called. He said he needs his payment by Tuesday.
00:55Well, we'll pay him off with the money we get from the van.
00:57Uh, we can't finish the van.
00:59Why can't we finish the van?
01:01They sent the wrong parts.
01:02Why'd they send the wrong parts?
01:03I, uh, have to accept some responsibility for that.
01:06You know how I get my W's and Fives confused?
01:12I'll take care of it, Lloyd.
01:18Lloyd, cupcakes, refined sugar. Those things are gonna kill you, man.
01:21Not if I kill them first.
01:32Let me see if he's here. Matt?
01:35Matt, it's Andrea.
01:36I'm not here.
01:39Oh, God. Oh, please.
01:45I can't seem to find him.
01:48I'll tell him that you call.
01:49Bye-bye.
01:52Andrea called.
01:56I don't like lying for you.
01:58Mom, I did something stupid, okay?
02:00Andrea's the head of the variety show at school.
02:03Two weeks ago, she asked me if I wanted to be in it.
02:05I said yes.
02:06Well, why would you say yes?
02:07Because she talked to me.
02:09The seventh prettiest girl in the school talked to me.
02:14The seventh prettiest?
02:16I have a list.
02:19And?
02:20And she would, like, like the fact if I would say yes, but I can't.
02:23And every day she goes, how's the act?
02:25And I go, great, but I can't.
02:26The next day she goes, how's the act coming?
02:29I go, great, working on it.
02:30I got nothing, Mom.
02:32I mean, I'm freaking out.
02:34Well, honey, you have a lot of talent.
02:36I remember a little boy who did quite a little dance to the Happy Days theme.
02:43Mom, are you trying to get me beat up?
02:48Don't worry.
02:49Wolverine will protect you.
02:52Can I kill him?
02:54Matt, I have told you before I need the deduction.
03:00Would you stop fooling around in the kitchen so I can get dinner on the table?
03:04Allow me to cook some meat with my eyes.
03:20These hoses are shot.
03:26Pardon me?
03:27I said these hoses, they're shot.
03:30Well, I guess no one would know better than you.
03:35Joe!
03:36It's you!
03:37For a second I thought the car was talking to me.
03:41Well, that's silly, right?
03:45Joe, what are you doing here?
03:47Well, I'm tired of being a mechanic, so I'm heading down to Florida.
03:50Me and my friend are entering the Daytona 200.
03:52Yeah, you're just like your dad.
03:53You're in those damn motorcycles.
03:54Yeah, so how's life, Lloyd?
03:56Not as good as when I was working in the pit crew with your dad.
03:59By the way, how's your mom?
04:00Is she still living in California?
04:03Yeah.
04:04Hey, hey, hey, hey!
04:07I bet you remember what this is.
04:09No.
04:11That's Mario Andretti's tire.
04:14Back in 81, he bounced off the pit wall, the tire flew off and hit me in the back of
04:18the head.
04:21Mr. Andretti was kind enough to sign it for me.
04:24Oh, yeah.
04:25Yeah.
04:25Well, I got a lot of memories invested in that tire.
04:33Joe!
04:34So, uh, Claire didn't mention you were coming.
04:38Did she?
04:39No, no.
04:40My old man left me a quarter of this garage, and I'm here to get it.
04:42I hope it's not where I keep my magazines.
04:46No, no.
04:46Claire will just buy me out.
04:48So, you gonna stick around for a while this time?
04:50Maybe one night.
04:51You know, after riding for three straight days, you tend to get a little tired.
04:54Tired?
04:55Me too!
04:56Caught me right in the back of the head.
05:001981.
05:01Come here, I'll show you.
05:08I am Pillow Man!
05:13I have a head shape like a pillow!
05:21Find your brother for dinner.
05:23And did you fold the laundry?
05:24Yeah, but we're short one pillowcase.
05:28Err, I am Pillow Man!
05:32Did you check on top of your brother?
05:35Hey, Pillow Man.
05:36Me, Tickle Man.
05:38No, no, no, no, no!
05:40Hello?
05:42The door is open, so I just, uh...
05:44Who is it? Who is it?
05:45Wow, hi, this is a surprise.
05:48Matt, you remember...
05:49Yeah, how you doing?
05:50Who is it?
05:52And, of course, this is Andy.
05:55Who, who, who! Give me a name!
05:59Andy, you remember Joe?
06:01He's your half-brother.
06:02Remember how Daddy was married before he met me,
06:05and he had a son?
06:06Well, that's Joe.
06:07Does he have a face?
06:16I know he's here.
06:25We're getting closer.
06:30Wow.
06:31I haven't seen you in a whole year.
06:33Neither have we.
06:36Stay for dinner.
06:37We're having small woodland creatures.
06:50Joe?
06:53Did you know that Matt has just started his sophomore year in high school?
06:57Mom!
07:01What?
07:02No, no.
07:02Are you in any, uh, clubs or anything?
07:04No.
07:04Well, do you have a girlfriend?
07:05No.
07:06All right.
07:10Mom, I have to do my homework.
07:13Look, uh, can I talk to you just for one second?
07:15Oh, sure.
07:16Andy, why don't you get ready for bed?
07:18No flying around the room.
07:20No hanging like a bat, just bed.
07:23It's nice to see you again, Andy.
07:25Somebody stop me!
07:33Don't take this the wrong way, but Andy's, uh...
07:35Weird?
07:35Yeah.
07:38I know.
07:39We're working on it.
07:40It's hard to lose your father when you're five.
07:42Well, he left me when I was five, and I got over it.
07:46Look, uh, I just got the letter from the lawyer about the will, and I've decided that I'd just
07:50like you to buy me out of the garage.
07:51You mean money?
07:52Yeah, see, me and my friend Rick are trying to start this racing team down in Florida,
07:55and I told him that I'd meet him there on Wednesday, and that I would have my share.
07:58Well, great.
07:59I'll go down to the bank tomorrow and see...
08:04What?
08:05Nothing.
08:05Nothing?
08:06What'd I do?
08:07You stopped talking the second I walked in.
08:08What's the saying about me?
08:09Nothing.
08:10He's talking about my hair, isn't he?
08:11Oh, look, the little Dutch boy's hair.
08:12Oh, that's funny, Joe.
08:13Real funny.
08:13Thanks, buddy.
08:16Thanks.
08:17Thanks.
08:17Thanks.
08:17Thanks.
08:17Thanks.
08:23So, how have you been?
08:25Okay.
08:25You know me.
08:26No, I don't.
08:28Except for a few holidays, and last year at your father's funeral, you left before we
08:32had a chance to say goodbye.
08:33I didn't think that you'd notice.
08:35Wouldn't notice?
08:37Of course I noticed.
08:38You're his son.
08:39You're part of his family.
08:40No, no.
08:40You guys are his family.
08:41I'm the kid he left 15 years ago.
08:43He didn't leave you, Joe.
08:44He left your mother.
08:45You were always welcome here.
08:47Look, I didn't come here for family therapy.
08:49I came here for my money.
08:50Fine.
08:51Fine.
08:51Fine.
08:53Would you get that?
08:55Sure.
08:57Hello?
08:59Yeah, just hold on a second.
09:00Matt, it's, uh, Andrea.
09:05Why?
09:11Andrea.
09:12Yep, I'm ready.
09:14Of course I'll be there.
09:15No problem.
09:16All right, bye-bye.
09:17What's wrong with you?
09:20What if it happened to let me see if he's here?
09:22You are here.
09:23Not for her.
09:24Jeez.
09:28You know, between Pillow Man and Freak Out Boy, you must be very proud.
09:33As a matter of fact, I am.
09:35Well, look, uh, thanks for dinner.
09:38What time should I stop by tomorrow?
09:40What makes you think you're not staying here?
09:43We're in the middle of a big fight.
09:44You call this a big fight?
09:47Try taking Spider-Man's temperature the baby way.
09:55Sleep on the couch.
10:00Rick, Rick, Rick.
10:01Don't worry about it.
10:02Yeah, she's at the bank now.
10:03Yeah, I will have the money, okay?
10:05I will be in Daytona in two days.
10:06Just tell that guy not to sell the bike, okay?
10:08Because we had a deal.
10:09All right.
10:10All right, bye-bye.
10:13Here's my hat, brother.
10:17Who are you?
10:18That's the Kool-Aid's tea.
10:21Okay, well, two things, Kool.
10:23Can you get me a cup of coffee?
10:24And, uh, if your mom asks, this is a local call, okay?
10:27Sure.
10:32What?
10:32What are you looking at?
10:35Nothing.
10:35It's a shirt, right?
10:36No.
10:37I was gonna change.
10:38So change.
10:38What is a shirt?
10:39Oh, my God.
10:40I was gonna put jeans.
10:46Hey.
10:47Thanks.
10:48Thanks.
10:54What?
10:56Who do you pretend to be?
10:58Anybody?
10:59All right.
11:01And I'm Elvis, the king of rock and roll.
11:04Never heard of him.
11:07Really?
11:07Uh, well, he used to say, uh, thank you very much.
11:10Do that again.
11:11Uh, thank you very much.
11:13Here.
11:14You try.
11:16Thank you very much?
11:17No, no.
11:18You have to hit the thank.
11:19Thank you very much.
11:21All right, now add the, uh, huh.
11:23Huh.
11:24Thank you very much.
11:27That's good.
11:28That's good.
11:29You're a weird kid.
11:30Huh.
11:31Thank you very much.
11:38Hey, Joe.
11:39Hey.
11:39I was just down at the bank.
11:41Great.
11:42Not so great.
11:43I can't get another loan on this place.
11:45I've got two mortgages already.
11:46I thought I could take out another, but I can't.
11:49You'd have to take out a loan to give me my share?
11:51Yeah.
11:51The garage isn't doing too well.
11:53The one thing my father leaves me and you run it into the ground?
11:57Yep.
11:58And boy, what fun I've had doing it.
12:01You know, this has only been my lifelong dream, raising two kids alone and working 18
12:05hours a day at something I know absolutely nothing about, and then having somebody accuse
12:08me of running it into the ground.
12:09I'm so glad somebody noticed.
12:14And don't worry.
12:15I will get you your money.
12:17When?
12:18When I get it.
12:19Well, I can't wait that long.
12:20I have a racing bike waiting for me to buy down in Florida.
12:22I need cash.
12:22You need cash.
12:29Take this.
12:30It's a classic.
12:31It was your father's.
12:33It's yours.
12:34Sell it.
12:36Start your life.
12:37What are you doing?
12:39Matt, this is business.
12:40We'll talk about it later.
12:41No, no.
12:41We'll talk about it now.
12:42That's Dad's bike.
12:43You don't just give it to some stranger.
12:45Hey, I'm not a stranger.
12:46Really?
12:46I've seen you maybe three times in my life.
12:48You come in here and take the one thing that meant most to my father?
12:51I don't believe you.
12:53I don't believe you.
12:56So what's it going to be, Joe?
12:58You're going to take the bike?
13:01You better believe it.
13:14Hey, look.
13:16I know that it got a little hot down there, but I just want to say that I'm leaving.
13:19No hard feelings.
13:20Bye.
13:21You got something that you want to say to me?
13:23Yeah.
13:24Bye.
13:27Hey, let me tell you something about that bike.
13:29I have as much right to it as you do, because he was my father, too.
13:32And riding on it is the one memory that I have of him.
13:34How many do you have, huh?
13:38Another thing.
13:40That shirt you're wearing?
13:42Ugly.
13:47Hey, what are you watching?
13:49You go to Las Vegas, baby.
13:53All right, well, listen, pal.
13:55I gotta go, but this was fun.
13:56It was really nice to see you.
13:58You're leaving?
13:59Already?
14:01Where are you going?
14:02Well, I'm gonna tune up my bike and head down to Florida.
14:04But I'll write you a letter, okay?
14:07No.
14:08You won't.
14:16Oh, you're still here?
14:17Not for long.
14:18You know, I can't believe what you said to me upstairs.
14:20Well, that's the way I feel.
14:21Well, you're wrong.
14:22This is not an ugly shirt.
14:26You are so wack.
14:28Didn't you hear a word that I said to you?
14:29Yeah, I heard you.
14:31About how the bike's your one memory of dad.
14:33So, exactly how much money do you get for a memory like that?
14:36Look, man, I don't have the luxury of getting all mushy over that bike just because the
14:39old man used to give me rides on it.
14:41It's the one thing I'm actually gonna get of his, and I deserve it.
14:43I'm out of here.
14:44Yeah, well, as long as you're going, I might as well tell you my one memory of you.
14:48I was ten, and you were coming for Christmas.
14:51Man, I thought you were the coolest guy in the world.
14:53I had a new football, and I got up the courage to ask if you wanted to play catch.
14:57He just looked at me and said,
14:59I don't play ball with twerps.
15:01Yeah, we all have memories.
15:02I don't even remember saying that.
15:05I was a jerk.
15:07What do you expect?
15:08Hey, I was 15.
15:10I'm 15.
15:11Exactly.
15:17Look, I'm sorry.
15:20Really?
15:21Yeah.
15:23Well, I'm sorry I blew up over dad's bike.
15:26I mean, I guess you have more right to it than anybody.
15:29Thanks for saying that, man.
15:31You want to stay for dinner?
15:33Sure.
15:34Hey, what do you say you and I go out and get some food for everybody?
15:37I'm buying.
15:38Is there a good burger place somewhere around here?
15:39Yeah.
15:41Hop on.
15:42Hop on?
15:43Hop on what?
15:45On me.
15:45I'll carry you piggyback.
15:46What do you mean on what?
15:47No, I'm buying.
15:49You mean now?
15:50No, no.
15:51After college.
15:52After college.
15:57All right.
15:57Is there anything I should know?
15:59Let's see.
16:01Hang on.
16:08Ah, this is great.
16:09Mom doesn't usually let us have junk food.
16:11Well, Mom is not here.
16:12And you know what?
16:12I resent the words junk food.
16:14This is a perfect meal.
16:15We even got free balloons.
16:18So what other sport do you go out for in high school?
16:20You know, football, baseball.
16:21You?
16:23I don't know.
16:25I'm sorry, what?
16:26Paddleball.
16:29Paddleball?
16:31Yeah, sure, sure.
16:33I mean, you know, chicks dig paddleball.
16:34I mean, that's...
16:35A lot of people at my high school in Texas play paddleball.
16:38Boy, you've lived a lot of places.
16:40You must have a lot of friends.
16:41I know a lot of people.
16:43I think you have to be in a place more than 10 minutes to actually make a friend.
16:46So, you guys gonna wash up before dinner or what?
16:48I wash my hands 20 times a day.
16:50Yeah, right.
16:51I bet you fold your underwear, too, huh?
16:54Oh, my God.
16:55You fold your underwear?
16:58Okay.
16:59That's...
17:00That's cool.
17:00Chicks...
17:01Chicks dig that.
17:02Who am I kidding?
17:03Chicks do that, man.
17:04Oh, God.
17:06Why do you two ladies have been chatting?
17:08I've been making water balloons.
17:12We're in the house, mister.
17:13Give me that water balloon.
17:15I cannot believe you just fell for that.
17:17Okay, boys.
17:19Now that I'm armed, you guys are about to learn the international rules of water balloon war.
17:23Now, if you guys hit me, I'm gonna get you back.
17:25I'm gonna be in your face forever.
17:26I'm gonna be around every corner.
17:28Hit me.
17:28And you guys are gonna never get rid of me.
17:30Okay?
17:31Talk is cheap.
17:35Get him.
17:42Ironically, I was happy because I beat the rain.
17:48Hello, Joe.
17:49You still here?
17:51Yeah, um, Matt and I had a little talk, so...
17:54Mom, uh, I'm sorry you got away.
17:56You'll get yours.
18:02Hello?
18:04Andrea.
18:05Told you.
18:09Yeah, I'm...
18:10I'm ready.
18:12Yeah, of course I'll be there.
18:13All right, I'll see you tomorrow.
18:15Bye-bye.
18:17Matt, don't hang this girl up tomorrow.
18:19You call her back and tell her the truth.
18:20No, no, Mom.
18:21I am gonna do the show tomorrow.
18:22And, uh, Joe's gonna help me.
18:28Sure.
18:29Guess I can call Rick and tell him I'll be a day late.
18:30Nope, we'll call.
18:37So, what are you gonna do?
18:38We'll think of something.
18:40Can you juggle?
18:40No.
18:41Can you dance?
18:41No.
18:41Can you sing?
18:42No.
18:42Can you pour a glass of liquid without spilling a drop?
18:45Yes, absolutely.
18:47Greg, grab me a soda.
18:48I gotta figure out an act for ya.
19:00Well, they're good.
19:01They probably spent years preparing for this.
19:04My kid's up next.
19:05He threw something together last night after dinner.
19:08Won't even show it to me.
19:10I'm just saying whatever happens.
19:12Would you clap for my son?
19:15Don't worry about it, okay?
19:16You have nothing to worry about.
19:17What if it bombs?
19:19I'm sorry.
19:20I got nothing to worry about.
19:23The Johnston twins.
19:24Weren't they great?
19:25Okay, next is Matt Roman and the world's only Elvis Puppet.
19:41Well, it's a one for the money, two for the show.
19:44We'll get it ready.
19:45Now, those are the kind of the don'ts.
19:48Step on up, we'll switch you.
19:51Well, you can do anything.
19:53They might be up to my bed.
20:10You can do anything.
20:12They might be up to my bed.
20:13They might be up to my bed.
20:13They might be up to my bed.
20:16They might be up to my bed.
20:31Everybody's talking about me at school.
20:32I was great.
20:33Seriously, I'm like the 25th or 26th most popular kid in school now.
20:38I can't believe I was so afraid.
20:39All I had to do was just get up there and do it.
20:41Matt, you had some help.
20:42All right, thanks, Joe.
20:43You and me, we did it.
20:45Well, thank you very much.
20:49You were terrific, sweetie.
20:51And it was a great idea.
20:53It was something your dad would have done.
20:55Yeah, well, I should get going if I'm going, huh?
20:58You know, Joe, feel free to stop by again.
21:03Would you like it if I came back, Andy?
21:07Hey, Andy, you want to say goodbye?
21:11Don't worry.
21:12He'll be okay.
21:13Okay.
21:15Well, come on.
21:18Hey, guys, listen.
21:19Listen, this was, uh, this was really, well, you know, I'll see you.
21:26See you.
21:27Bye.
21:30So, Joe, be sure to send me your address, you know, so I can send you the money when the
21:34bike sells.
21:36Don't sell Dad's bike.
21:37I'll manage.
21:38I always do.
21:39You know, we need another mechanic here.
21:44So, if you come across somebody in Florida, why don't you just give me a call?
21:49You know, so I don't run this place into the ground.
21:54I'll look around.
21:56See you.
22:03See you.
22:09Bye.
22:16Bye.
22:19Bye.
22:29Bye.
22:33Put it in there.
22:36Oh, shit.
22:37Get away tonight.
22:38Oh, get over, don't you.
22:40Step on my blue space.
23:06Step on my blue space.