- 12 hours ago
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00:25It's just, it's just one bag, quite small, they don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I
00:29They don't want me to bring much
00:30No, no, no, yes, I read the booklet
00:35So I can carry it
00:36I always thought we should have redecorated this room, it was on my list actually
00:40Well you can now
00:42No, no, no, I meant for you, I meant this room was done up for a seven-year-old, you've
00:45dears on the wallpaper
00:46I should have given it a lick of blue paint over the summer sometime, made it feel more like a
00:51grown-up's room
00:52I like it
00:54My point is, I think you grew up, and I didn't notice
01:01Well Dad, none of this is to upset you
01:05I found an answer to something, that's all
01:11Ariel, are you there?
01:16Anna?
01:18If you're there
01:20You need to talk
01:24I'm just posting my number through the door
01:28I just like to talk, talk more
01:31That's all
01:32I just like to talk
01:39I love you
01:40Oh
01:40Oh
01:40Oh
01:43Oh
01:45Oh
01:46Oh
01:47Oh
01:55Oh
02:17I don't know.
02:42No honey sandwiches?
02:43No, no, no.
02:44Should I can wash those up a bit off?
02:46Yeah?
02:48Don't.
02:52How are you doing?
03:09Oh, you brought him?
03:11Yeah.
03:13You've been waiting long, Father?
03:16I'm sorry to keep you.
03:17I'm having a bladder reaction to the Turks or something.
03:21They were changing my path.
03:23Is that the right level of embarrassing for you?
03:26Yeah.
03:27Do you want...
03:29Would you prefer some private time?
03:31No.
03:32She wanted you here.
03:35Besides, we've had enough of that.
03:38She's bored of me yapping away,
03:39complaining about this, that, the other.
03:43You're in pain?
03:44Oh, yeah.
03:46And it's on my notes that I'm an addict,
03:48so they're being very cheap with the painkillers.
03:53Tina ordered me to come and ask what you want to do next.
03:59I'd like to go home and live my life, thank you very much.
04:03I suppose I am concerned that we have Tina's baby underway.
04:10Well, I'll let him back in and he'll mess up that kid, too.
04:15You're still charming.
04:18Tina wants help.
04:20I just want things to be different now.
04:28So you went to a priest.
04:30I'm not a priest.
04:32But yeah, I'm just someone who cares.
04:36We all care, Father.
04:39Some more than we should.
04:55I am through with vetting families for schools.
05:00Little Algernon is a firm Catholic.
05:03We can't attend, of course.
05:04We dry ski on Sundays.
05:06But he prays daily,
05:07and we bought him some of your holy beads from Amazon to show him, Algy.
05:11I'm sure his name isn't Algernon.
05:13No.
05:14He's called Biscuit or some such nonsense.
05:19Sermon?
05:21Uh, uh, it's my sister's marriage museum.
05:25I didn't see it in the diary.
05:27Second marriage, yeah.
05:29First one was
05:31a local arsehole.
05:34It's a registry office wedding,
05:36and then a blessing in the garden.
05:37Then praise be she's getting on the horse again.
05:41What?
05:42The church isn't right about everything.
05:45And I like your sister.
05:48And I like people getting on horses.
05:51I'm extending an awkward metaphor.
05:55I'm checking you're getting the help you need.
05:59I'm getting the help I need.
06:02I thought which is coming from my sister.
06:04Oh, well, that's good.
06:08I was concerned, etc.
06:12I won't interfere, etc.
06:15Consider me spent.
06:20Now, we've had a strange request
06:23I didn't know whether to pass on.
06:26The chaplain at HMP Avonmouth
06:29has requested a visit.
06:30Well, well, what?
06:32Apparitioner has requested you.
06:35Tina's father.
06:36I don't think you should.
06:38I'm not even sure Tina would like you going.
06:41But, uh...
06:45Your decision.
07:26Oh.
07:30I, uh, I wasn't sure whether to, um...
07:31Knocked for you like four or five times at Muriel's.
07:34You haven't been hung.
07:36Well, that is, uh, impressive of you.
07:38I've run.
07:40Repeatedly.
07:41You've done a lot.
07:43Very thorough.
07:43You're, uh, beginning to sound like harassment.
07:51Well, I wanted to talk to you.
07:54I'm aware.
07:58I just wanted to say that I stand by everything I've said.
08:04I, I've, I've thought about it, and, um, this doesn't often happen to me, but, uh, I think I was
08:11right.
08:13I think you and I should accept that what happened between us was meaningful, but not in the way, well,
08:20not, not in the way that I thought it to be meaningful.
08:24Can I speak?
08:25No.
08:27No.
08:29Yes, if you want to.
08:34Yeah.
08:35But you're, you're not allowed to compliment me.
08:37Can you?
08:38Just if, for instance, you were going to say, uh, that I was formidable, or fantastic, or even just interesting,
08:46or anything about how I look, or how I am, then that, that wouldn't be okay to say.
08:52Why not?
08:56Let me just start from the beginning.
08:58From the beginning, and the end, is that I changed my life for you, and you are not responsible for
09:06that.
09:06I really, I really hope I've made it clear that you are not responsible for that.
09:13It's just the truth.
09:14I've, I've found all of this very confusing.
09:18I apologize.
09:20I also hope I've made it clear that it was all me, and, uh, I, I do apologize for your
09:28confusion.
09:29But I wasn't all you.
09:30You're not allowed to say that, either.
09:31And I, what am I allowed to say?
09:37Have you been praying?
09:39About you?
09:40No.
09:42No, not about me.
09:44I just mean, have you, have you been praying generally?
09:48I feel like I've, uh, been the cause of some spiritual undoing, and I just, I just wanted to make
09:57sure that you've been, you've been praying again.
10:01You have been praying?
10:03Have you?
10:04Yes.
10:07I've also been going more regularly to Alcoholics Anonymous.
10:11It's not something I want advertised, but, something you probably guessed.
10:19Yeah, I did, um, you.
10:22Sounds just, um, and that's helpful.
10:26I think so.
10:29My sister's...
10:31good people around me.
10:33that you want to feel responsible.
10:37You shouldn't apologize, I should.
10:40I'm sorry.
10:43I behaved towards you.
10:45Like,
10:46I felt you,
10:48you made me
10:49feel things.
10:50I, I needed to know that.
10:54You
10:54made me feel things.
10:59Now,
11:00I,
11:02trying to set myself right,
11:03I'm determined to be a good priest.
11:05At least the best priest I'm capable of being.
11:10My confusion
11:12was over you.
11:14It was,
11:15you,
11:17brought to light,
11:18well, you've done a bit more than you bring to light.
11:26At AA,
11:27we tried to explain not,
11:28who we are,
11:30but why we are.
11:31And,
11:33I think,
11:34you saw,
11:35the who,
11:36but not the why.
11:39I think my understanding of what I should be has been,
11:42I think I've been trying to help people in the wrong way.
11:46Um,
11:46which way is that?
11:47Saving people.
11:50Some addiction like any other.
12:22wonderful's the word I would have used.
12:26It's right here.
12:33See you again.
12:37Not if I see you first.
12:39I'm going to see you first.
12:50I'm going to see you next time.
12:51I'm going to see you next time.
12:52I'm going to see you next time.
12:54I'm going to see you next time.
12:56I'm going to see you next time.
12:58I'm going to see you next time.
12:58I'm going to see you next time.
12:58I'm going to see you next time.
12:58I'm going to see you next time.
13:00I'm going to see you next time.
13:00I'm going to see you next time.
13:01I'm going to see you next time.
13:03I'm going to see you next time.
13:08I'm going to see you next time.
13:20Is that you?
13:23Oh, of course it's you.
13:26I'm due on shift.
13:28Oh, I've cooked.
13:30Yeah, a disgusting idea, I know, but on the off chance you're not repulsed.
13:33There's half a shepherd's pie in the oven.
13:36You look like you're coming down with a cold.
13:38No, no, I'm fine.
13:40You sure?
13:41What time you're back?
13:43Shift ends, 5am.
13:44Very lucky enough, can't you?
13:47Eat the pie.
13:48Me.
13:49Me.
13:49Me.
13:49Me.
13:59Leela gets two ahead of you.
14:01We're going local for this one.
14:02In which English county will you find Watcher?
14:05Seven.
14:07Not quite.
14:09Five.
14:10Correct, Sally.
14:11What card suit do you use?
14:35Five.
14:40Six.
14:44Six.
14:47Six.
14:51Seven.
14:52Seven.
14:55Seven.
15:11Can I have a glass of red wine, please?
15:13We've got a list if you want to...
15:14Oh, just the cheapest.
15:16Coming right up.
15:27Let's go.
15:57Let's go.
16:03It's shy, I think Mark is quite good.
16:38I love him.
16:44I like a tea for someone to shut up.
16:48I'm going somewhere with a pen to open up with the vision to walk in my eye to everything else.
17:05I'm going to be in the middle of the room.
17:46Oh, no, no, no, no.
17:48I just couldn't stay in the house any longer.
17:51Oh, how come?
17:54I was getting irritated by the sound of my own thoughts.
17:59I know that feeling.
18:02Hey, Tony.
18:03Anna.
18:04Hi.
18:05Hi.
18:11Who are you with?
18:13My brother and his wife.
18:15Yeah, they came here to get away from their kids, and they just want to talk about their kids.
18:22You got children?
18:24Yeah.
18:25No, you?
18:25Yeah, yeah, one.
18:27And it's 11.
18:28He's a mum and I divorced.
18:31It's tricky.
18:33Yeah, I can imagine.
18:37What do you do, Anna?
18:41I'm a cook.
18:46A cafe, a cook.
18:48Which cafe?
18:51Really, I just, I make cakes and bakes and sell them to different cafes.
18:55It's just a home kitchen, nothing big.
18:58Keeps me going.
19:01I may be eating a sausage roll with my time.
19:04That spicy lamb rolls, my speciality.
19:11What do you do?
19:13I'm a sister.
19:14I work for the Risky City Council.
19:18Oh, listen, I'm not very good at getting served, but, um, can I buy you a drink?
19:24Come on.
19:32One more and I'll be drunk.
19:37I'm, I'm, I'm, to be honest, I am, I'm a bit bored of this place.
19:45Have you, have you got somewhere we could go?
19:50Er, sure.
19:51I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
20:10I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
20:10I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
20:10I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm
20:36Are you okay?
20:40I'll just say you're in great shape, you're in better shape than me.
21:04Are you okay?
21:05Am I going too fast?
21:11I'm sorry, this was your idea, wasn't it?
21:15No it's not, it's not you.
21:19It's not, I'm sorry if I...
21:21No, it's not you, I'm sorry.
21:26It's okay, I like you, I can make a cup of tea, some biscuits, maybe we can talk about it.
21:35I am, I'm, I can't.
21:41Where are you going?
21:42Can I call you?
21:45Oh no, no.
21:49Anna?
21:52You've done nothing on this, it's my mistake.
21:55Please, please don't.
21:58I don't want this.
21:59I'm not ready.
22:02I'm not ready.
22:05I'm not ready.
22:31I'm not ready.
22:33I'm not ready.
22:34I'm not ready.
22:39I'm not ready.
22:45The End
22:45The End
22:46The End
22:47The End
22:50The End
22:50The End
23:00The End
23:03The End
23:05The End
23:07The End
23:09Father Hicks?
23:10Father Bennett?
23:12Call me William.
23:13David.
23:20Okay, so you'll be meeting him in the multi-faith room?
23:23It's up to you if you want someone in the room with you.
23:26I'll be okay.
23:27I think he genuinely wants counsel.
23:29I'll be okay.
23:35I'll be okay.
23:40I'll be okay.
23:51God, stay now.
23:53You asked for me?
23:56Yes.
23:57I was surprised.
23:59Yeah.
24:00Yeah.
24:05My hair's a priest.
24:07Where's the man?
24:10There's a priest.
24:18What do you want from me?
24:24I, um...
24:28Uh...
24:28They told me she's gonna be okay.
24:36They told me she's gonna be okay.
24:41Yeah.
24:46I wanted to hear her voice.
24:47I wanted to hear her voice.
24:47Here she was...
24:50Here she...
24:51Wasn't in too much pain.
24:54What pain that you caused.
24:59Yeah.
25:00I know, I know.
25:06Have you, um...
25:10Will you visit her?
25:12I have.
25:16And is she...
25:16She's in pretty bad shape.
25:22I don't know.
25:28I don't know...
25:31How to stop.
25:39If she gives evidence against me, they'll give me two years maybe and...
25:43I'll be released on condition that I'll stay away from her.
25:45But, but she'll find me because...
25:47That's her way.
25:48And, and then I'll just do it again.
25:49You assumed a lot of things in that statement.
25:51Or she won't and I'll find someone else.
25:57I can smell it on them.
26:00The woman.
26:04The women who...
26:06Won't say no.
26:07The women that'll take it.
26:08And I know who they are.
26:09Sounds like...
26:10Or what? You think there weren't others before her?
26:12Others during her?
26:16Yeah, it doesn't take a lot for me to get women.
26:18These hands have broken three jaws.
26:21I've stamped on hands.
26:22I've shattered legs.
26:23Pelvises.
26:24Eye sockets.
26:25One girl I almost ripped her ear clean off.
26:27What can you say to that?
26:27You sound almost proud.
26:30My mum.
26:32She wore with a hunch.
26:37Walking around the house with a bunch of washing and a cheap plastic basket and this saggy face and this
26:42hunch.
26:46Like she was always waiting for the gut punch.
26:49Why did you want me to hear that?
26:51What's the question?
26:55I'm thinking I need to kill myself.
26:59And I know that that is a sin but I'm thinking it's all that I've got.
27:06It is the only way to stop me.
27:14And I'm asking for your guidance on that.
27:44It is the only way to keep breathing.
27:46It is the only way to keep breathing.
27:48I think that you need help.
27:51Tried it, it didn't work.
27:53I think you need to try again.
27:57Father Bennett told me there are counselling service here.
27:59No, no.
28:00I just want to hurt them too.
28:01They think they're so fucking clever.
28:02They never are.
28:03I am actually clever.
28:04I can see how fucking thick they are.
28:06And I won't have it.
28:08Do you think I'm clever?
28:09You?
28:10You're not as clever as you think.
28:14You are weak.
28:21I can smell the booze on you now.
28:26Fine.
28:28But I've smelled the booze on you before.
28:31And I know you go to those meetings.
28:34I've got friends in those meetings and they know you're weak too.
28:37Why does it matter why I think...
28:39Because I have said this.
28:44You are my priest.
28:45I've never much felt like you're a priest.
28:49You can talk to any priest.
28:52Maybe someone was some distance.
28:54Father Bennett...
28:54I don't know them.
28:55They could be kiddie fiddlers.
28:56Or worse still, the pious fuckers who think that everything is easy.
29:00You're weak.
29:06But you're a good man.
29:08I've seen you.
29:09And I know you're good.
29:10And you have been good to my daughter.
29:14I trust your judgment.
29:17I don't want this last act to be a sin.
29:21I want it to be an act of penance.
29:23And God is not talking to me right now.
29:25So I need to know from you.
29:26I need to know that...
29:27I need to be sure that this is...
29:31that penance is right.
29:33I need to know that you're right.
29:45Good.
29:49Good.
29:50Yeah, you think him.
29:54Well, there it is.
29:55I know I've said all I want to say.
29:59I'll trust you would.
30:08Yes or no.
30:09The first foster home I went to was fine,
30:12but they were only doing emergency care.
30:15The second was okay, but he didn't get on.
30:19The third foster family I went to,
30:21I was five.
30:24I lived there for two years until I was seven.
30:28The older kid there was 14.
30:32I won't give him his name because...
30:35he doesn't deserve it.
30:36To be honest, I don't need to hear the personal stuff.
30:39He thought I made too much noise.
30:41He liked to pinch me.
30:44Just little hard pinches that no one saw,
30:47and I was a pretty scared child and I let him.
30:51And then it excavated a little.
30:55He'd punch me.
30:57Little rabbit punches, he'd call them.
31:00He'd push me off things and he'd...
31:04do everything he could, little things.
31:09He enjoyed my pain.
31:11I am not finding this interesting, I just want an answer.
31:13I didn't want to talk to my support worker about it
31:15because I thought it was this or an institution.
31:18And I had my own room with this family
31:20and I really enjoyed the food.
31:22And I had a couple of friends at school that I liked to play with.
31:26And then the people who became my parents started to visit.
31:33And they were really special.
31:35Everyone could see.
31:37They smelled good.
31:40They're Catholic.
31:41Everyone knew that religious adopters were the best kind.
31:43And the third time they visited,
31:47he followed me into the toilet
31:51and he slammed my head into the bowl
31:53and he held it.
31:54He tried to hold it into the water.
31:56He tried to drown me in the toilet water,
31:58but there wasn't enough water in the bottom of the bowl.
32:01And so he pushed his hands around my head
32:03and I was bleeding.
32:06He strangled me.
32:13He strangled me so hard.
32:18I lost consciousness.
32:22I...
32:22I don't know how...
32:27I know who saved me.
32:32I was taken away from that foster family,
32:34immediately taken...
32:35actually taken into...
32:36by the Catholics who adopted me.
32:43My point...
32:44is...
32:45actually I have two points.
32:46My first is I understand pain.
32:50I understand people who want to inflict pain.
32:55My second point...
32:58is...
32:59that boy, me...
33:03I had no one...
33:05to talk to no one.
33:10And I thought since then...
33:12I resolved I would never let anyone be alone like that,
33:16like I was again.
33:21but I think you do need to be alone, Phil.
33:27Penance is about change.
33:29It's not about ends.
33:33If you commit the same sin,
33:35you can't just clean it off,
33:36and you can't think one act
33:37but God cleans the slate doesn't...
33:39God doesn't work like that.
33:41God loves,
33:43but God also expects.
33:44And what does He expect?
33:45He expects love.
33:49He expects...
33:50love.
33:52For yourself...
33:53and for others.
33:55And He expects you to be the best love.
33:59John chapter 4, verse 8.
34:01Dear friends,
34:01let us love one another,
34:02for love comes from God.
34:04Everyone who loves
34:04has been born of God
34:06and knows God.
34:16So no, no,
34:18I will not sit in judgment on your act.
34:20It's a sin how you've lived,
34:21and if you kill yourself,
34:22it'll be a sin how you die.
34:26But I will say this.
34:29Yeah, you're right.
34:30I am weak.
34:33But you are weaker
34:35if you think
34:36you truly have no way
34:37of helping yourself.
34:41And I will be...
34:42I will do
34:43everything I can
34:45to help Bianca see this through
34:47so you stay in here
34:50for a very long time.
35:03I will be...
35:06I will do
35:12you
35:12I will do
35:17Thank you
35:20that I will do
35:38Hi. Hello. This is the surprise.
35:44I thought about calling. I didn't want to catch you unawares.
35:49You caught me unawares on your last visit, so fair's fair.
35:54And you're cooking.
35:56The James family invited us over. I thought I'd make my apple cake.
36:00Chris? Chris?
36:07Don't let me stop you.
36:10Do you want to help?
36:14Of course.
36:25Hello.
36:26She's helping me now. You can go back to your room.
36:30Nice to see you.
36:31And you, Dad.
36:32Are you well?
36:33We're cooking.
36:46That was an odd thing to do, wasn't it? I forgot I had some out.
36:50Sure.
36:53You decor and slice. I'll keep working on the rest of it.
36:57Okay.
37:01I've been making a yoghurt and apple cake, actually.
37:06And we had a farmer who had swapped me.
37:12It doesn't matter.
37:15I hate it when you do that.
37:17When you're superior like that.
37:20It doesn't matter.
37:23And you are the arbiter of...
37:26I am...
37:29I'm just...
37:29I'm just here to see you, Mum.
37:32I just want to help me make a cake.
37:42I like thin slices.
37:45Feels like they melt into the cake when they're thin.
38:11I need a lift, Dad.
38:12Okay.
38:16Where to?
38:43Hello, Father.
38:45Hello.
38:46Um...
38:47I just wondered if Anna...
38:49If I could talk to Anna.
38:52Um...
38:52No, I'm afraid you can't.
38:54I know I've made mistakes.
38:56I just want to explain...
38:58Or try to set things right.
39:01Just talk to her.
39:02She's gone back.
39:04Back where?
39:14She...
39:14She, um...
39:15She left me a letter.
39:18Probably thought I'd try to convince her different.
39:27John, come in.
39:28She's made a mistake.
39:32I think you've thought that a few times.
39:34She has.
39:37She took her skin off for you.
39:43Maybe she just wanted to...
39:46Put it on again.
39:49Feel safe again.
39:55Yeah?
40:06Anna?
40:11Oh, it is you.
40:13And looking so healthy.
40:15Look at that lovely hair.
40:18Hello, Polly.
40:20Hello, Agnes.
40:23I didn't think I'd see you again.
40:25You have light all through you.
40:45Hello.
40:49I...
40:50Are you, uh...
40:51In the middle of something off stage?
40:57Please...
40:58Please don't make this humiliating.
40:59I wasn't intending to.
41:03But...
41:04May I ask why?
41:06This is my home.
41:08No.
41:09It is a home of God.
41:17Did he reject you?
41:19No.
41:21Are you going to change your mind again?
41:24No.
41:25Sorry to ask.
41:26I hope you...
41:27Know...
41:28Why I have...
41:30Is there still a place...
41:31For me?
41:34Of course...
41:35There is.
41:37I can do good work here.
41:40You always did.
41:42I, uh...
41:44I have my habit.
41:47If you want to...
41:50You may push it back on.
41:55You are loved here.
41:58And we are pleased you'll find your way back.
42:04I love you too.
42:08And...
42:09I will try not to expect you to be the same person now as you were when you left us.
42:17Though you do seem to be just as irritating.
42:21In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
42:25The Lord be with you.
42:26And with your spirit.
42:31Lord, we have sinned against you.
42:35Lord, have mercy.
42:37Lord, have mercy.
42:40Lord, hear our prayer to fill us as you filled your Son with love.
42:45To fight the world.
42:46Lord...
42:48Help us...
42:52To...
42:53Help...
42:54Help...
42:56Help...
42:56Help us to...
42:58Amen.
43:00Amen.
43:02Show us.
43:05Show us your mercy...
43:07And your love.
43:09And grant us your salvation.
43:14May Almighty God have mercy on us.
43:18Forgive our sins.
43:20And bring us to everlasting life.
43:24Amen.
43:25Amen.
43:26Amen.
43:56Amen.
43:58Amen.
44:08Amen.
44:11Amen.
44:17Amen.
44:21Amen.