- 11 hours ago
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00:15You
00:16Do you like being drawn by a hen do's wolf do you enjoy this I wasn't asking
00:25Oh
00:27We're here baby, most travelers avoid bad reviews
00:31Let's see what the review says one star one star one star
00:34I've never seen anything more stupid if I could give it zero stars. I would not us
00:42I'm Sarah Pascoe
00:44I'm Roisin Conaty
00:46Come on fishy fishy we're comedians, but more importantly best friends as someone who has received bad reviews
00:53I would always try to look to the good, so we're turning the tables on the review sites
00:57They were so busy typing in their phone moaning. They've got to look out and visiting places based on the
01:03worst reviews
01:03I'm closer. It's nothing to be afraid of my review is 100 stars, but will this journey of salvation be
01:10a five-star fun
01:13I'm an absolute killer
01:15Yes
01:15Or are we in for a holiday from hell?
01:19Oh
01:32Yeah
01:33Benadorn baby, but you've been here before yeah, I came when I was 18
01:36There's any stories any news. I don't know what I can repeat
01:40All the things I've seen
01:43Things I've seen in Benadorn
01:45I'm expecting our trip to be cheap cheerful lots of characters who know how to have a good time
01:52That pub over there look two euros for an amp store
01:55That's cheaper than a latte
01:58I've heard lots about it and its reputation
02:01But I know lots of people older people who go so I've sort of come with an open mind
02:05An open mind an open heart and a very tight handle on myself
02:39Benadorn
02:40I call it a comeback
02:43I've got reviews
02:44Hit me
02:45Everything about this apartment screams someone please burn me with fire
02:50We expected to be able to cook basic lunches but honestly don't bother it was so vile
02:53I chanced warming up a burger king in the microwave
02:56Okay, I'm judging this person
02:58Yeah, that's a mad choice
02:59Okay, let's go find out
03:00Time to test the aquarium waters ourselves
03:03Oh, nice lobby
03:05Forbidden to walk with wet feed
03:08But I always walk with wet feed
03:10Oh, it's forbidden to use the lifts as well
03:13It's been a crime here
03:14What floor are we on?
03:1514 is it?
03:17Are you serious?
03:18Oh no, there is another lift, thank God
03:24How bad I think this is going to be?
03:27What do you, my lady?
03:28Oh, that's a little bit frightening
03:31Oh, okay
03:32I nearly had a full-on panic attack
03:36We're looking for H
03:37E F
03:39Oh
03:40Well, we'll just presume it's H, I guess
03:42It doesn't even have a handle
03:45This better be the right door
03:47If someone's in bed
03:48Oh, God
03:48If someone's in the shower
03:51We're in
03:56I mean, it looks all right
03:57It's depressing
03:58If you're coming here
04:00You're probably going out drinking
04:01Getting in
04:02You've got a washing machine to wash the vomit off your clothes
04:06You've got the fridge
04:07Fridge for your beers
04:08Sometimes you sit down too vigorously
04:09So what?
04:13Our place in the sun for the next two days
04:16Is this charming 1990s two-bed, one-bedroom property
04:19Boasting exposed, exposed vintage pipework and bathroom wall, complete with dry snot effect wallpaper
04:28It's compact
04:29It's compact
04:30It's roasting
04:30It's cleanish
04:33I think the toilet lamp is my favourite
04:39Oh, that is a heavy
04:40Well, I won't be able to open that
04:41It's good because it means that no one can come in
04:44The cracks in the balcony over there make me a bit edgy
04:47Let's not go over there
04:48The review did say it was character building
04:50Yes
04:50But it does look so lovely
04:52Yeah
04:53I feel very holiday-y now
04:55What are you looking for with you on the itinerary?
04:57Well, I never had a hendoo when I got married
05:00So I would be quite excited about gatecrashing someone else's hendoo
05:04Oh, my God
05:05See what the chicks get up to out here
05:07I think this is a place where adventures happen
05:09Yeah
05:10Isn't it?
05:11Yeah
05:11People are away from home
05:12Yeah
05:13What happens in Benidorm stays in Benidorm
05:15That's where Vegas got the idea
05:18Now, let's get out there and hit the town
05:23That's if our dodgy lift ever arrives
05:25I mean
05:28When are we going to accept when I have to walk down the stairs?
05:30Well, one of them must have come, doesn't it?
05:32We've been here for ten minutes, Sarah
05:36This would be dangerous
05:38If I was pissed
05:40Which I'd like to be
05:42At least we get a nice tour of the hotel
05:44Oh, yeah
05:46I mean, I don't think we anticipated this bit at all
05:50Who knew that our first day in Benidorm would be leg day?
05:55Okay, here we go
05:56Reception
05:58Well, that was hellish
06:00Half hour of TV we weren't expecting to film
06:02I forgot my sunglasses
06:03I'll see you in a sec
06:06Well, we've definitely got our steps in
06:09So I've signed us up for a Segway sightseeing tour
06:12One reviewer has complained that the equipment was old and in disrepair
06:17Sounds like mine
06:17I'm excited about this
06:19I'm sort of excited, but I've got a feeling
06:20Have you done it before?
06:21No
06:21Have you not?
06:22But I've always wanted to be on a stag do
06:24And this is what stag do's do
06:27Ooh, will we handcuff each other to a lamppost and get a lap dance?
06:30Nice to meet you
06:30Hi, I'm Kay
06:31Nice to meet you
06:32I'll probably just do what this guy tells us
06:34So, have you been on them before?
06:36You know what to do?
06:36How to go with Segway virgins
06:38Everything about your balance, all right?
06:40So, um, once the machine is activated
06:42You just need to lean slightly forwards to go
06:44To lean slightly backwards to slow down
06:46Like Michael Jackson
06:47Exactly
06:48This is the my
06:48But he died that we will not
06:53The reason I wanted to do a Segway tour is because it's a quick way
06:57Of seeing more of Benidorm
06:59One, two, perfect
07:00And also, I'm an old tour guide
07:02So I always want, you know, to meet the local tour guides
07:05And to learn things that way
07:07It's like you just think of moving and you move
07:10We didn't know if you're going to be any good at it
07:12Incoming, incoming
07:13Collusion, collusion
07:14We've never ever either of us been able to tell our left and right
07:17Or be in charge of any machinery
07:21I haven't gone backwards yet
07:23Get out of my way
07:23Be very careful, okay?
07:28All right
07:29Always remember, do not be overconfident, okay?
07:33Talking to the wrong women
07:34Do not try to be
07:36I have a confidence how we got this show, okay?
07:40It's stagger clock, baby
07:49And now we're getting into the natural part
07:52Lean forward a little bit more
07:54Lean forward a little bit more
07:54Take a bit more of speed
07:55More of speed
07:56Go very fast now
07:57Perfect, perfect
07:57Go very fast now
07:58Beautiful
07:59Beautiful
07:59I'm not even looking at the view
08:01I'm concentrating too much
08:05Oh wow
08:06Wow, wow, wow
08:08Beautiful views from here
08:09You can see all Benidorm
08:11On the right hand side
08:12The Benidorm Island just in front of you
08:15This is white lotus
08:16Not white lightning
08:18This is, I'll be honest
08:20Not at all what I was expecting Benidorm to be like
08:23Oh, I'm completely converted
08:25Yeah
08:27Try to keep just over here
08:28But not so
08:29Oh, yes
08:29Do you know the guy who invented segways?
08:31He died going off a cliff
08:32Yeah
08:33Are you serious?
08:33Yes
08:34Well, what a place to tell me, Sarah
08:36What a place to tell me
08:39Has anyone ever proposed on a segway?
08:43On a segway?
08:45I don't know, maybe
08:46Would you like someone to propose to you on a segway, Raj?
08:48I think if it's a no
08:50You've got to
08:51You know, at least
08:51So imagine
08:52I'll ask you and you say no
08:53Okay
08:55Will you marry me, Sarah?
08:56I don't think so, no
08:58At least you haven't got the shame of having to be
09:00You can just get away quite fast
09:01Yeah
09:01Unless they're like
09:03Let me tell you my reasons
09:05I think you've got a body odor problem
09:06And then they'll wear off, you know
09:09This point is mythical
09:11It's a very historical point
09:13Our guide is like
09:15A very, very on it dad
09:18We have this inclination
09:20Because of the collision of the titonic lake
09:22I don't know if the stags get as much historical context as we got
09:25There's lots of chat about volcanic stuff
09:29This used to be the same rock
09:32I learned so much more than I wanted to
09:34I mean, this guy could teach geography A-level definitely
09:39I love it here
09:41I love the segway
09:42But it has had a bad review
09:43Can you believe it?
09:44Segway tours
09:45Do you want to hear this?
09:46I'm glad I've experienced it first
09:47Yeah
09:48All right
09:49One star
09:49Did not like
09:50Tell the point
09:51When we finished the tour
09:52The guide asked 101 times to give a good review
09:56I think this is wrong and very intrusive
09:58So everyone looks at, you know, reviews
10:02So the guy said, can you give me a good review?
10:04And they've given them a bad review because of that
10:06That's the worst
10:07Pathetic
10:07I'd give him five stars
10:10For the mythology
10:12And also he taught us how to ride segways
10:14We couldn't walk in a line earlier
10:16No
10:16He's family now
10:17You want to take him on?
10:19You're taking us on
10:21Benidorm has gone through the roof points-wise
10:24The scoreboard has absolutely blown up with the segway tour
10:28My review
10:29Honest review
10:30Capital letters
10:31Absolutely amazing
10:33Didn't want it to end
10:34You don't need to be drunk
10:37And the selfie
10:38Hey, hey, hey
10:42Love it
10:43It's dangerous because you could feel like a bit omnipresent
10:46Like you could just show up to your enemies
10:48It's like, I've heard you've been chatting shit
10:52See, that's what happens
10:59I don't know how to get on it on my own
11:05Is there another Benidorm where sophisticated business ladies can holiday in style?
11:10We've cancelled our tickets to the bare knuckle boxing
11:12and decided on an alfresco dinner
11:15So we're browsing Benidorm's answer to a farmer's market for the finest ingredients
11:21Oh
11:23I don't know what I'm having for dinner
11:25Am I so going to fill you up?
11:27Don't you get anything else?
11:27They never fill you up
11:29And I'm determined to broaden my culinary horizons
11:32Pot noodles
11:34Okay, I've never had a pot noodle
11:35Are you joking?
11:36No
11:36Do you want this one?
11:37I think that's the best flavour
11:38Yeah, go on then
11:39You don't mind a little bit of milk powder
11:42There's rice
11:43We don't want to cook
11:43Because that's sort of what you do when you go to Spain
11:46You don't have big hot dinners
11:47You have like
11:47I always used to just have like
11:49Fag
11:50I have a fag and a beer
11:52Blue meat crisps
11:54Blue meat
11:55Not blue meat
11:58Okay, I don't know what meat people like
12:00Chips and pizza crisps
12:02Yeah, there you go
12:02We've got
12:03That looks good
12:04Yeah, really good
12:06This is living
12:09Hola
12:10Hello
12:10Hola
12:12My first pot noodle
12:14I can't believe that
12:15I know
12:15Isn't it wild?
12:17Yeah
12:17Is it your first dick nollie?
12:19Come off it
12:21There you go
12:22How much please?
12:2381.50 please
12:2581
12:25We've spent the 100 quid in
12:27I think crisps
12:29Do you want to put anything back?
12:31Not this
12:32Okay
12:33Then we're buying it all
12:35I got it, I got it
12:39I would have bought a bigger bag
12:40If I thought we were going to get that bigger mes, eh?
12:42Yeah
12:4514 flights of stairs later
12:46We're back in our kitchenette
12:48And it's time to get our Nigella on
12:50Roasting
12:51I'm going to do the first ever hot noodle
12:54But there's no kettle
12:57I think it's destiny
12:58I'm never meant to taste them
12:59Oh, found one
13:00Oh, damn it
13:01It does look very
13:02I thought I heard it better than that
13:04It's very dirty
13:06Sorry
13:06Yeah, that's no good
13:07I'll just do a quarter of a saucepan
13:10Instead
13:10That'll be better
13:12Oh
13:13It's dirty
13:14It feels disgusting
13:16We haven't washed it
13:17No
13:17I've given up on it
13:19Also, I mean, this cooker's all smashed
13:21I don't even
13:21Oh, God
13:22Sarah, put it back
13:23I don't even know how you do that
13:25First rule of Benidorm
13:26Don't open the cupboards
13:27Don't look in the pots
13:28Don't lift the marble surfaces
13:29Don't try and cook anything
13:31We've got a nice mes, eh?
13:35It feels like we were drunk
13:36When we went shopping
13:37Looks insane
13:38It does look like a decision
13:39Someone else made for us
13:42This cheese isn't
13:44Isn't my favourite
13:44No
13:45I've not really had bad cheese
13:48And that's the first time
13:49I've had bad cheese
13:50Wow
13:51Do you think that's also been here
13:52for ten years, though?
13:54No one's bought much of anything
13:55That shopkeeper was like
13:57These are all prop foods
13:59No one's ever bought any
14:00People have only ever gone to the cider
14:03What are these women doing?
14:07Do you know what?
14:07It's not a five-star hotel
14:08No
14:09But it's all sort of working in our favour
14:10All the things that are really fun
14:12about going on holiday
14:13You don't need to go to a five-star hotel
14:15To have those things
14:16In terms of like
14:17Being with the people
14:18That you care about
14:19Looking for adventures
14:20Trying new things
14:21Sometimes a five-star hotel
14:23Is too uncomfortable
14:23I'm going to go at a five-star hotel
14:24They wouldn't let you in
14:25They'd confiscate it
14:26They'd say you tacky bitch
14:28Throw it in the bin
14:29As you go in
14:30And I'd say no thanks
14:31No thanks
14:37It's a beautiful morning in Benidorm
14:39And after our intimate soiree last night
14:41I've decided we need to go where the action is
14:46Wow, it's busy
14:47It's very busy
14:48First thing in the morning
14:51I brought us to the town's worst-reviewed beach
14:53Why not?
14:55You only live once
14:57I'm going to put a little chair up for you
15:04And you can sit in the shade
15:06Thank you
15:07Like a happy little Irish potato
15:09There you go
15:10Thank you
15:13It's very soft sand
15:15I'm not mad about sand
15:17But if I had to get involved in it
15:18This isn't bad
15:19That's why all these people come here
15:20It's a lovely beach
15:22You only have to share it with one or two million people
15:25Right Sarah, do you want some reviews for this beach?
15:28I bet they're all just five stars
15:30This is heaven, aren't they?
15:31Let's see
15:31Mobile internet are not working here
15:34Lots of other people on a beach
15:37Right, okay
15:38So many people, no Wi-Fi
15:40One star
15:41One star, that's harsh
15:43What, because of other people?
15:45Talk to the people, you don't need the internet
15:47I tell you where there's loads of people, online
15:49If you like a really busy, lively-ish beach
15:54This isn't bad
15:55Yeah
15:55It's not IB for lively
15:57Like no one's sort of dancing around
15:58It's friendly northerners going
16:00What part of Macclesfield are you from?
16:02Yeah
16:02Yeah
16:04For some reason I'm feeling adventurous
16:07And that reason is
16:08I've been handed a leaflet about novelty water sports
16:11By a man called Carlos
16:13I think I know what you're going to say
16:15Hmm
16:16There's something called a crazy sofa
16:18And I think I'd like to have a go on it
16:20If you'd like to have a go
16:22This is where our paths divide, Sarah
16:25There is room for more than one person
16:27You go out there
16:28Do you mind?
16:29Would you be right here by yourself?
16:31Yeah, I've got a book
16:33You've colour-coordinated your book?
16:34Yeah
16:37Did you get a stylist to go to the library?
16:39Absolutely
16:41The crazy sofa ride is a classic stag and hen do activity
16:45In many ways, the ultimate Benidorm water sport
16:49Fast and furious meets furniture village
16:57I don't think the man in the office had ever had a solo booking before
17:00The stags and hens were all still asleep
17:03But that just means there's more room for me
17:06To definitely not feel self-conscious
17:08This is going to be wonderful
17:10I can just feel it
17:11Roisin will be really jealous when she finds out
17:17I've looked at some reviews
17:18The activity was a little scary
17:20Sensitive souls should refrain
17:22If you like really strong sensations
17:26Go for it
17:27One star
17:30Woo!
17:31Okay
17:33This is very thrilling
17:36I wonder what Roisin's doing
17:37I bet she's bored
17:40Got a nice coffee
17:42It's a lovely breeze
17:43Woo!
17:47Woo!
17:47I'm gripping up the deer like
17:49Woo! Woo!
17:50It's a hard ride
17:51They've actually bought everything from Essex
17:53And put it in Benidorm
17:54Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
17:59Water's lovely
18:01It is different also being on your own on a beach
18:05You look like a killer
18:06You look like a killer, a spy
18:07Or you're going for a really big divorce
18:10In this outfit
18:11I look like
18:12I've got the money
18:13But I'm heartbroken
18:18Just a 44-year-old woman on a crazy sofa by herself
18:24I thought they thought it was only going to last 12 minutes
18:26We've been out here for three hours
18:30Sure, I've had fun
18:31But I can't feel my bum cheeks anymore
18:33It's time for this fishy to get reeled in
18:37I feel like I've been in a washing machine
18:41Accidentally tumble-dried myself
18:44It was really fun
18:45This is the kind of thing I might have done
18:47Had I had a hen-do when I got married
18:49And if I ever get married again
18:51I'm definitely booking
18:55Hi
18:57Yeah, that's what you need when you're on a banana boat
18:59Someone going, Tossa!
19:03I have returned from the sea in need of sustenance
19:06And a gal pal's get-together
19:08And I've heard that there's a lunch happening nearby
19:10For sophisticated ladies like us
19:13I'm excited about this
19:14I'm excited about, uh, what's her name?
19:17Ding Dong Val
19:18Ding Dong Val?
19:19Best name you've ever heard
19:20I'd love it if you called me Ding Dong Sarah
19:22Don't you worry, we do
19:23We do
19:25We're going off to meet Ding Dong Val
19:27That's her name
19:28I don't know why she's called that
19:29I know she's got a little lunch organised for some local friends
19:31We can ask them about Benadour
19:33And whether it's nice to live here
19:34Which would be a nice quiet morning
19:37Thank you!
19:42This isn't a lunch, it's just a rally
19:49Hello, nice to meet you
19:52Hello Sarah
19:53It was absolutely insane
19:57We joined, I don't want to exaggerate, 900 women
20:00It was a club
20:02We went to like a lunch club
20:04How often do you have these lunches there?
20:07Every second Friday normally
20:08And are they always as busy as this?
20:10So, initially, it was just like half a dozen of us ran out for lunch
20:14And then people would say, can I join?
20:17Now, there's 406 on the group, I think
20:20Oh!
20:21It's called Ding Dong Val's Ladies Lunch and Social Events
20:25Okay
20:25So why do people call you Ding Dong Val?
20:28Well, I'm a cosmetic seller
20:30Cosmetic seller?
20:32Ding Dong Avon Lady, yeah
20:34The last two years I've been number one in the country
20:36Congratulations
20:38So I beat all the Spanish
20:39Yeah
20:40Do you sell to these women as well?
20:42Yeah, not all of them
20:43But a majority
20:44If I have anything to do with it
20:45Yeah
20:47Come for the friendship
20:48Leave with the mascara
20:49Yeah
20:51Val's worked damn hard
20:52To get to the number one spot
20:54In this country
20:55For selling Avon
20:56And she's an incredibly charming person
20:59It's dry body oil
21:00You put it on
21:01Makes your skin lovely
21:02She slips into her sales pitch
21:04So naturally
21:05So elegantly
21:06It's lucky I didn't bring my debit card
21:07Do you go out without your make-up?
21:09Oh, yeah
21:10Do you?
21:11Yeah
21:11I mean, I wish you were so horrified
21:13Do you?
21:17Hello, everyone
21:18How you doing?
21:20I want to join this gang
21:22I thought it was really sweet
21:23That all these women
21:24Have moved out here
21:26Away from home
21:27And they do these lunches
21:28Every couple of weeks
21:28Of course, Ding Dong Val
21:29Sells them a lot of make-up
21:31Are you all friends of Ding Dong Val?
21:34Wow
21:34She gave me a few ideas, actually
21:36Because I've got a lot of friends
21:37And I think they could be paying
21:38A bit more for my time
21:39Next time I get Sarah to text me
21:41Fancy a curry
21:41I'll be like
21:42£11 and a mascara
21:43And I might show up
21:45Buy one of my DVDs
21:50Do you think there's more community here
21:52Like, with stuff like this
21:53Than there is in the UK?
21:54Like, there's more stuff
21:55Definitely
21:55There's more free time here
21:57In the UK
21:58People too busy working
22:00Or if they are pensioners
22:02There is smaller groups
22:04Or there's old people's homes
22:05Where they get together
22:06Whereas here
22:07Everybody looks after everybody else
22:08Don't they, really?
22:09Everything's an old people's home
22:12The white wine fumes have got to me
22:14I'm about to go rogue
22:17Ladies and gentlemen
22:19So ladies
22:20Ladies
22:21Just ladies
22:22Ladies
22:24Sarah would like to make a speech
22:26Oh
22:29Thank you so much
22:30We just wanted to say
22:33What a lovely community
22:34This seems like
22:35And how much fun
22:36You're all having
22:36Thank you for having us
22:38Be part of it
22:39To Ding Dong Vow
22:41Ding Dong Vow
22:46It's time to leave
22:47Before the inevitable fight club begins
22:49Thank you so much
22:51Come on
22:51We'll never get out otherwise
22:56We've left Ding Dong Vow
22:58With full tubbies
22:59Inspiration
23:00And a really good deal
23:01On some eye shadow
23:02So now we've decided
23:03To spread our wings
23:04And hit Benidorm's
23:06World famous
23:07Calle Jorona
23:08A.K.A.
23:10The Strip
23:11It's our first night
23:12Out in Benidorm
23:13So we're going to go crazy
23:14Within limits
23:16We're going to go crazy
23:17At a darts tournament
23:18Sports
23:19Sports
23:20Lads
23:20Somebody winning
23:21My God you're right
23:22Now we need some testosterone
23:26Look at that
23:29Just along from an area
23:30Known to locals
23:31As English Square
23:32Is Sue's Darts Bar
23:35It's been described online
23:36As a shambles
23:38Of a darts bar
23:39So we think
23:40It'll be perfect for us
23:42To be fair
23:42We've got no idea
23:43What a well organised
23:44Darts bar is like
23:46Ladies and gentlemen
23:48Welcome to the world's famous
23:49Sue's Darts Bar
23:52Before we step up ourselves
23:54We've got a chance
23:55To check out
23:56The competition
23:56I think we can take them
23:58Do you?
23:59Yeah
23:59I'm not feeling very confident
24:01Moshi
24:01That's what they want
24:02They're trying to psych us out
24:03They're trying to psych us out
24:05By doing good
24:06Yeah that's what they're doing
24:07They're playing darts well
24:10So that we think
24:11They can play darts well
24:12I'm not going to
24:13They're all for it
24:14After all
24:16How good could our opponents
24:17Be in a shambles
24:19Of a darts bar
24:20I've played country darts
24:21For Lincolnshire
24:22For about 15 years
24:23And I'm absolutely awesome
24:28Oh no
24:32Ladies and gentlemen
24:34Please welcome to the stage
24:35Grosin
24:36The gunslinger
24:38Ganetti
24:45And Steve
24:47The man
24:48Hamill
24:49Okay well I beat him
24:50On nicknames
24:51Going in I knew
24:52We wanted to destroy them
24:53But when your competitor
24:54Gets up and he's wearing
24:55A t-shirt
24:56With his own name
24:57On the front
24:58You know you're in trouble
25:01Roshin
25:01It's row first
25:02Come on Rosh
25:03Woo
25:05Roshi
25:05Roshi
25:06Roshi
25:08I don't need that
25:09They're very serious
25:10Darts players
25:11And they didn't
25:12Sort of like
25:13They weren't patronising
25:13They were sort of like
25:14Not letting us off the hook
25:16That was
25:17What is that
25:18And around 20
25:23Trouble with Steve is
25:25Not only is he good at darts
25:26He's a nice guy
25:26That's your kryptonite
25:27Yeah
25:28I know
25:28So you need to start
25:29Pretending he's an ex
25:30He's someone we don't like
25:31It's Trump
25:32Think of him as a bad man
25:33I heard
25:34He isn't kind to his cat
25:36Just go with that
25:41I'm really hoping
25:42I'm better at darts
25:43Than I am at pep talks
25:45And the match
25:47Steve Hammond
25:47Well done Steve
25:49Well done
25:50Well done
25:52It's time for me
25:53To salvage our honour
25:54Go on Sarah
25:55So I picked up those darts
25:58Here I was
25:59In front of the dart board
26:00A sport
26:01I don't know
26:02Watch this everybody
26:04But felt like
26:05I was finally home
26:08And it turns out
26:09I'm not terrible
26:1079 scores
26:18Thank you my friend
26:20Punish me
26:20Punish him
26:22I feel like a showbiz mum
26:25Roisin got the crowd behind me
26:30I feel good
26:36It seemed like my new fan club
26:38Were distracting my nemesis
26:40Sarah you got four left
26:42You got to get that double two
26:43Down there right
26:43Maybe it's the Vino Blanco talking
26:46Oh my god
26:46But am I about to become
26:48The new king of Sue's darts bar
26:50No score sorry
26:57I am not
27:02We got a winner
27:06I lost
27:07I had a lot of fun
27:08I really like the energy
27:11Of this place
27:12It's a mixture of people
27:12Who live in Benidorm
27:13People who are here on holidays
27:14They all love darts
27:15I couldn't help but get overwhelmed
27:17By that carried away
27:18With their passion
27:18I'm giving it 4.5
27:21Out of 5
27:24Should have been more nibbles
27:25It's my only criticism
27:31We're in Benidorm
27:32We're in Benidorm
27:33And after spending most of yesterday large in it
27:35We've decided to head out of town for today
27:38Benidorm's great
27:39But we're not here to party
27:40We're here to be
27:41We are here to party
27:42A little bit
27:42A little bit
27:43All right
27:43Okay
27:44But let's get some culture today
27:45This morning
27:46We are going to
27:47Torture museum
27:48Torture museum
27:52Morning
27:53Hola
27:54Museo de la tortura
27:57Por favor
27:58Okay
28:00You didn't know I was fluent
28:02In the lingo
28:05We're off to the picturesque village of Guadalese
28:08Home to the region's only
28:09Torture museum
28:13With reviews like this
28:14We have to take a look
28:16No pain
28:17No gain
28:19Do you think it would be like London Dungeons
28:21Then going to this
28:23Torture museum
28:24Out of work
28:25Spanish actors
28:26I absolutely hope so
28:28I would tour the world
28:30Watching people who've been to drama school
28:32Pretend to be from the olden days
28:34Only if in the torture sense as well
28:37Oh
28:37Yeah
28:38If they're not in the stocks
28:39I don't want to know
28:40I say that because I've worked at these attractions in London
28:43Where did you work?
28:44London Bridge Experience
28:45The enemy of the London Dungeon
28:48And we outlived them
28:48Come on
28:49Give us a bit
28:50The year is 90 BC
28:55My name is Boudicca
28:57Say my name
28:59Boudicca
29:02I was the queen of the Iceni tribe
29:04The Romans tried to take my land
29:07I got my revenge
29:09Sounds like real housewives
29:11Yeah
29:13In the tiny village of Guadalest
29:16There are only 250 permanent residents
29:19But no fewer than nine museums
29:26There are so many museums
29:28That we've run into one straight away
29:31Here we are
29:32The Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum
29:35I hope the queue to get in isn't too long
29:37Warming up
29:38Warming up
29:39For the torture
29:43Hi
29:44Oh god
29:45Hellish noise
29:46Zero stars
29:50I was sort of hoping
29:52It would be about Salt and Pepper
29:54The trio
29:55Rap for hip hop
29:56Just band
29:57Can you call them that?
29:58You can if you're a white middle aged woman
30:01I got bored instantly
30:03With some of the shittest Salt and Pepper Shakers I've ever seen
30:06I'm talking worse than charity shops
30:09I'm talking
30:11They should go into an Oliver Boner
30:13Said lose their minds
30:14The Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum
30:16Is one of only three Salt and Pepper Shaker Museums in the world
30:20Believe it or not
30:21And it is a collection of a woman called Andrea from Belgium
30:24Good for you Andrea
30:26Life's not a rehearsal
30:29What makes a museum different from a room of stuff?
30:33Well the arrogance to call it a museum
30:35Right so it's just what you label it
30:37Yeah I mean on a different channel this is hoarders
30:43I'm sort of fascinated by it
30:45Are you?
30:45Yeah
30:47I'm not
30:48Roisin's reaction to the Salt and Pepper Shakers has made me sort of not trust her actually
30:52Next time she comes to a show and tells me that it was really great I'll be like
30:56Salt and Pepper great?
30:59We go to the Torch Museum
31:00Go to the Torch Museum
31:01You big creep
31:08That is unbelievable
31:10I've never thought it was anywhere near Benidorm
31:13Maybe I could live here then
31:15Buses though I don't drive
31:16I'll have to check the buses
31:17Yeah
31:18Well segue
31:19I'd have to work at that museum
31:20Yeah
31:21Here it is
31:22Torch Museum
31:23Look at you
31:24You're nearly skipping
31:25You sicko
31:26So excited
31:26I bet there's no Salt and Pepper Shakers in here
31:29Well it smells lovely
31:31Not tortury at all
31:32Well within our budget of five euros each
31:35This creepy place in the shade boasts several lounge areas
31:40With seating options like shaming barrel
31:42Spiky deck chair
31:44Or this anal pyramid if you're into Satan worship
31:48This statement one bed will give you nightmares for weeks
31:54Do you want to hear some bad reviews?
31:56Hit me
31:57The real torture is paying to see this museum
32:00It is shabby and scarce
32:02You can finish it in ten minutes and they charge you five euros
32:04How much torture did they want?
32:06Yeah
32:06Sorry there wasn't enough torture
32:08I want four hours of pure devilment
32:11Yeah also I don't want a museum that lasts more than ten minutes
32:13No one does
32:14No
32:15Oh the owners responded
32:18What's he say?
32:19Torture is putting up with clients like you
32:22Well
32:22It's unprofessional isn't it?
32:24I don't think so
32:26I think we've all had comments under our stuff
32:28Where you want to comment back
32:30And he's probably had a glass of wine and just
32:31He probably forgot he even did that
32:33Yeah
32:35Well I guess it's torture time
32:37This is an electric chair
32:39They let kids in here
32:40That's a colander behind you
32:41My love of a shower hose isn't it
32:42Yeah but it's nice to have a sit down
32:44Someone's husband or wife's like
32:45How am I going to rinse this bath stuff?
32:51Is it weird to say it suits you?
32:54I'll take a compliment
32:55Sarah I don't want you to take this the wrong way but
32:56Yeah
32:57It's a shame I'm
32:58You suit it
32:58I'm ashamed I'm about to be killed
33:02Oh dear
33:05Oh dear
33:06Stretching rack
33:08Spanish inquisitions
33:08This is classic
33:10Spanish history
33:12Yeah
33:13I mean I'm not good with secrets at the best of times
33:15I'll be like what do you want to know?
33:17You don't need to put me in it
33:18Get me a glass of white wine
33:19I'll tell you everything
33:23Who's in my garden?
33:26I think all windows should have arm rests
33:29The thing is you look really comfy there
33:31Not like you're being tortured
33:32That's how they get you
33:33It feels so comfortable
33:35And then
33:36Then you're dead
33:38Someone's given me a weapon
33:39Found it
33:40Well that seems
33:42Dangerous
33:43Take a photo of me
33:44And I'll send it to the boys
33:45I want to look really fit
33:47Like Instagram
33:47Yeah
33:48You do look really fit
33:49Do you know why?
33:50The red matches your lipstick
33:51You're looking like you're having too much fun
33:53Pretend you're sitting at a wedding by yourself
33:55And that's your outfit
33:56That is torture
33:58Okay let's go
33:59I am going to find somewhere to put this
34:02You brought that yourself
34:03Why are you bringing it back in there?
34:12It's day three in Benidorm
34:14And finally time to have the hen-do I never had
34:17By gate-crashing someone else's
34:19Hen-do's come to Benidorm
34:21And I never had a hen-do when I got married
34:23So it was really exciting to me
34:25The opportunity to gate-crash one
34:26Hello
34:27After some drunken texts
34:29We locate our pre-marital party posse
34:32Hello everyone
34:33Molly
34:34I'm Molly
34:35The bride
34:36It was classic hen-do
34:38You know
34:38Loud
34:40Dicks in glasses
34:41You know
34:42Off, off, off
34:43Kind of vibes
34:44But what made you come to Benidorm
34:46For your hen-do?
34:47Well you thought it in some way
34:48You know
34:48That's like
34:50Pure
34:51Cringe
34:52Yeah
34:53Trash
34:53Trash
34:55And here we are
34:56And here we are
34:57And so what is it like
34:58Activities
34:59Then drinking, dancing
35:00Are you going to go for meals
35:01Is it all drinking?
35:02Yeah
35:02As soon as I met the hens
35:04It became clear we were out of our depth
35:06I've definitely got pre-wedding nerves
35:08The hens have assured us
35:10That this event
35:10Is the tamest thing
35:11They've got planned
35:12An hour's gentle
35:14Life-drawing class
35:15Let's draw some willies
35:21For Molly and Dara
35:23Cheers
35:24Oh yes
35:26Cheers
35:29Molly
35:30What did you say
35:30When I asked you
35:31You said Benidorm was
35:32Shit
35:33Shit
35:33But it's good shit
35:36It's a great line
35:38It's a great line
35:39Have you seen other hen-do's?
35:41Uh yes
35:42We've seen so many
35:44So many hens
35:45So many stags
35:46Stags
35:46And what's the vibe
35:47When you see a rival hen?
35:49Everyone is
35:51Majorly over the top
35:52Trash
35:53It's what we love
35:55That's so good
35:56Bring in the penis now
35:58We're ready
36:05Magical
36:07I'm so intrigued
36:08By the holding the hair
36:10Wolf has people
36:11What I think's happened
36:13Is people have forgotten
36:13To draw his hair before
36:15And he's going
36:16Do not forget
36:17My favourite part
36:18Do you like being drawn
36:19By hen-do's wolf?
36:21What?
36:21Do you enjoy this?
36:23People drawing you
36:24Yeah
36:25I wasn't asking you
36:26To turn now
36:31Careful what you say to him
36:32We're drawing a man
36:34Called wolf
36:34Who couldn't speak english
36:35Every time he spoke to him
36:36Just thought he meant
36:37Shake his bum
36:38How many of these
36:39Do you do a week?
36:40Feels like this
36:41Yeah
36:43So by the end
36:43You just stop making
36:44Small talk
36:45You just sort of go
36:46Wolf
36:46How long have you been
36:47Called wolf?
36:48And he's like
36:50The hen's very much
36:51There to party
36:54I love it
36:54They didn't really care
36:56About the drawing
36:56Element of life
36:57Drawing
36:59None of us learned
37:00Any sort of new
37:01Artistic techniques
37:01They enjoyed penises
37:04The idea of penises
37:06Celebrating the penis
37:07And I'm nonplussed
37:09About genitals
37:14Has everyone finished
37:15Their drawing?
37:16Yeah
37:16Show me
37:17Show me
37:18On the ground
37:21My favourite is
37:22Yeah
37:25Mary
37:32Who do you think
37:33Should have won?
37:36I think I should have won
37:37What do you mean
37:37Who do you think
37:38I should have won?
37:38But look at it
37:39And I signed it
37:41Wolf
37:42Benidorm
37:422025
37:43Take that
37:43Emin
37:45Thank you
37:45Brilliant
37:45Thank you
37:46Thank you
37:50I have had a lovely time
37:52I've learned that
37:52One of the main reasons
37:53People come to Benidorm
37:54For a hen do
37:55Or sag do
37:56Is to lean into
37:57The trashiness
37:58Of the whole thing
37:59That's what's really
38:00Fun about it
38:01What did she say Molly?
38:02She said
38:03Benidorm's shit
38:03But it's good shit
38:08I've left the children
38:09To their alco pops
38:10And happy slapping
38:11And decided to take us
38:13To a way more
38:14Enticing hot spot
38:16By the night
38:17Benidorm
38:18Where you taking me?
38:19Salsa?
38:20Yes
38:21We're going to go crazy
38:22Come on
38:23Let's get into Benidorm vibes
38:25That's it
38:25We're ready
38:26We're right
38:27British people
38:28On holiday
38:29Where we going?
38:31Yorkshire Pride
38:32Roast dinner
38:33Three
38:38I want to be
38:39Sort of sneering
38:40About British people
38:40Who have British food
38:41On holiday
38:42But now I get it
38:43It's a relief
38:43A little bit
38:44Yeah
38:44Cheers
38:45Friday night
38:45Cheers
38:46Cheers
38:47Cheers
38:49Roisin
38:50Yes
38:51I know how much
38:52You loved it there today
38:53Here you go
38:54A little memento
38:55For me to use
38:57Thank you
38:58From the house
38:58I know you'd rather
38:59Have 5,000 of them
39:02Oh I do
39:03Really love them
39:05Look at this
39:06They're nice little guys
39:08Aren't they
39:10Salt and pepper
39:10I love them
39:11I've got you
39:13The electric chair
39:13In the car
39:16I'll sit on it
39:17On the plane
39:18I'll be like
39:19Don't worry
39:19Easyjet
39:20Put me in the aisle
39:22I brought my own one
39:26Sarah
39:27They do a Sunday dinner
39:28Every day
39:29That's the right amount
39:30Of days a week
39:31That that should be available
39:32Exactly
39:33It's the best food
39:35Do you want to hear
39:35Some of the reviews
39:36Love to
39:38Okay
39:40Worst chips in Benidorm
39:41I sent them back
39:43Oh
39:43Wait for this
39:45Chicken was well overcooked
39:46My nan had to put it
39:48In her bag
39:50I don't understand
39:53What?
39:53She had to put it in her bag
39:54It was so overcooked
39:56She had to put it in her bag
39:58It's the worst kind of politeness
40:00To your face politeness
40:02Yeah
40:02She had to put it in her bag
40:03But when we got home
40:04I absolutely ripped them a new one
40:05Why's nan got a chicken in her bag?
40:07Oh you couldn't eat it nan
40:08I'll do a bad review
40:10The worst chips in Benidorm
40:12And bag worthy chicken
40:13We have to know the truth
40:15Of these outrageous boasts
40:16Normal chicken
40:17Thank you my love
40:18There we go
40:19Oh amazing
40:19And we've got the vegan chicken for you
40:21Thank you so much
40:22Wow
40:23Wow it's huge
40:24The roast certainly looked the part
40:26It all came down to the chips
40:28Wow wee
40:29Now that's a fucking bowl of chips
40:31Excuse my lightning about those
40:33Excuse me sorry
40:35And the curry sauce
40:37Thank you
40:37Wow
40:38That's what all bowls of chips should look like
40:41Yes
40:41They said they're the worst in Benidorm
40:44It's time to bite down on the truth
40:51Amazing
40:52They're fantastic
40:55Proof that nothing you read on the internet is true
40:57I'm not the worst female comedian
40:59Who's ever been on live at the Apollo
41:01What the fuck are they on about?
41:03Right
41:03Yeah right
41:04Right
41:05Let's track them down
41:06It's sabotage
41:07A rival chippy or something
41:08That's what it is
41:09Maybe it's Yorkshire Pride 2
41:11Trying to do them down
41:15I'm gonna have all the sweats
41:16Really?
41:17Yeah
41:18Look at the size of the bowl of chips
41:21I don't sweat
41:22Because I do yoga in 40 degrees
41:25I like Prince Andrew
41:26On your road
41:30Sarah
41:31It's time
41:33How many stars you're gonna give it?
41:34Oh I'll give it five stars
41:36I'm gonna give it five stars
41:37Ten stars
41:38It's ten stars
41:40Cheers
41:40Cheers
41:41It's one of my favourite meals I've had out here
41:45Oh no
41:46I just got food all over my dress
41:49Okay
41:50Nine stars then
41:51The food's very messy
41:53I'll blame them for it
41:54Went to the restaurant
41:55Too much gravy
41:56Too much gravy
41:57Too much gravy
42:00This trip has inspired me
42:02From now on
42:03Every time I see my friends
42:04I'm gonna sell them one of my DVDs
42:07Some parts of Benidorm
42:08Are really stunning
42:10And yes
42:10I'm talking about the Yorkshire Pride
42:12They put stuffing in the Yorkshire Pud
42:14Stuffing
42:15Come on
42:16Five stars
42:20My trip here has given me so much
42:23Driving skills
42:24A taste for pub sports
42:26And then the hen do
42:27I've always wanted with my best pal
42:29One that was really short
42:30And ended with a roast dinner
42:31And I didn't even have to join a WhatsApp group
42:38I had very low expectations for Benidorm
42:40I've been pleasantly surprised Sarah
42:42Yeah
42:43I was dreading this
42:43And now I've actually had quite a lovely time
42:45I'm giving it a 3.5
42:46I don't care
42:48That's very generous
42:49I'm giving it a 3
42:49Solid
42:50I don't want to sneer at it
42:51It's a great holiday
42:53Very cheap destination
42:55If you're into that sort of thing
42:56I'm into very cheap
42:58But I'll still sneer at a bit of it
43:00What bitch will you sneer at?
43:01We'll talk about it on the way to the airport
43:03Let's go baby
43:143.5 stars Benidorm
43:17Bye Benidorm
43:18Run over these teenagers
43:20I've gone full bloody Benidorm
43:22You've got really Larry
43:23We'll be right back to you
43:23Bye Benidorm
43:24Bye Benidorm
43:24Bye Benidorm
43:34Is testimonial
43:35kabul
43:35You
43:35I don't know about it
43:51It's outside of the airport
43:52Bye Benidorm
43:53Maybe Ulrich
43:53Again
43:54You see you
43:55You've got WAF
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