- 2 hours ago
tele: https://t.me/TopFilmUSA1
#film#shows#usa#usashows#hot#filmhot
#film#shows#usa#usashows#hot#filmhot
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01It was that time of year again.
00:03Mr Teesside Beauty Pageant.
00:06A competition based on beauty, talent and bulges.
00:11Every town in the Tees Valley was eligible
00:13and every man and his dog wanted that cash prize.
00:1720,000 big ones.
00:20And the men at Teesside will do anything,
00:22and I mean anything, to win that title.
00:47You won't say me.
00:52You took your time!
00:55I couldn't remember where I put my favourite trail be.
00:58Take a seat.
01:09What's Mr Teesside?
01:10Only the biggest competition in the Teess Valley.
01:19Right.
01:20And what's that got to do with me?
01:26This is my master plan, Bobby.
01:30I've been working on this for a number of years.
01:33And I've finally figured out the formula.
01:42Formula for what?
01:43The formula to win.
01:47Mr Teesside!
01:52I've been working on this for a while.
01:54Right.
01:58Let me introduce you to one of the finalists of Mr Teesside.
02:05Representing my beautiful hometown.
02:07I'll stop...
02:09Looks like he's not going to make it to the competition.
02:15So that's where you come in, Bobby.
02:17But why me? I'm not even from Teesside. I'm from South Shields.
02:21Not anymore!
02:26Listen very closely.
02:29Can I just stop you?
02:31I'm sorry to interrupt, but is this all true?
02:36You're involved.
02:37Well, that just feels a bit far-fetched and overly stylised.
02:42I'm trying to create a bit of drama for you, babe.
02:45I know you tabloid people love a bit of sensationalism.
02:49Well, we're not really about that here at the North East Journal.
02:52Our readers appreciate the truth,
02:53so what I'm more interested in is what happened at the competition itself
02:56and, more importantly, the cheating scandal that occurred.
03:00Well, in that case, I'll start at the very beginning.
03:03It's a very good place to start, Jake.
03:05I remember it like it was yesterday.
03:15I still couldn't believe that Stuart,
03:17the human embodiment of a perverted rat,
03:19had made it to the final of Mr Teesside.
03:22I still can't believe that Stuart,
03:23the human embodiment of a perverted rat,
03:25has made it to the final of Mr Teesside.
03:27Oi!
03:27Stop being such a bitter old queen
03:28just because you didn't get chosen.
03:30Mum, do you think we'll make it on time?
03:33We've got an email saying they'll deduct points if we're late.
03:36I've gone as fast as I can, chick.
03:37Oh, stay still, Stuart.
03:38There's stubble's going everywhere.
03:40I can't help it.
03:41Why do I need stubble?
03:43Listen, hon,
03:44I've been to Mr Teesside every year for a decade,
03:46so I know what makes a winner,
03:47and as lovely as your smooth, baby-faced skin is,
03:50I know for a fact that those horny judges love a bit of rough.
03:53I've got all your outfits in that suitcase,
03:55so I'll come backstage and help you change.
03:56Oh, thanks, Lucinda.
03:58You really don't need to do all this for me.
04:01I'm not going to lie, hon,
04:02I'm actually doing it for all of us.
04:03If you and Mr Teesside,
04:04you'll be able to get us into every VIP area in the Teess Valley.
04:09Wow, you're joking, aren't you?
04:10It's a matter.
04:11That friggin' speed camera's just flashed at me.
04:13I think it's the wrong one!
04:16Okay, now.
04:17Shouldn't have done.
04:19You okay, Sal?
04:21I'm sorry, lads.
04:22I must have been dreaming.
04:24Hey, how are we getting on, ma'am?
04:26I told my lad meet her half an hour ago.
04:28We're supposed to be on stage now.
04:30We're just round the corner, chick.
04:32My God.
04:33I'm trying to shitting myself.
04:35You'll be amazing, hon.
04:38I was profoundly grateful when we arrived at the venue,
04:41as the stench of Stuart's desperation
04:43had contaminated the air inside the ice cream van.
04:46Come on, you lot. In you go.
04:55Isn't that Nan?
04:57What's that haggard old wench doing here?
05:00I don't know, but she's looking proper shifty.
05:02I think she's with the Mr Stockton finalist.
05:04He looks familiar.
05:08Why was Nan acting so suspicious?
05:11Who was that bald, muscly twink?
05:14I had to investigate,
05:16and I instantly knew who to call.
05:19This was the job.
05:21For Detective Sexy.
05:26I mean, you definitely weren't that quick
05:28getting into that costume.
05:29Did I interrupt you?
05:30You haven't let anyone else talk.
05:33I'm blind!
05:34Sorry about this.
05:44The smell of beer-saturated carpets
05:47and excited menopausal women
05:49could mean only one thing.
05:51Mr Teesside.
06:01There was something really slippery about Mr Stockton,
06:05and I just had to find out who he was.
06:17That's the only thing with calling on Detective Sexy.
06:20No matter how hard she tries to stay undercover,
06:24the straight lads can't go enough.
06:31I don't remember that happening, actually, Dickie.
06:34Yeah, well, I don't remember you.
06:35It happened in Stuart.
06:35What?
06:36What?
06:38Look, I haven't got a lot of time.
06:40Maybe I could just get a brief summary
06:42from someone else.
06:44How about you?
06:45I'll start at the very beginning.
06:47It's a pretty good place to start, Chick.
06:50We were on the way to the Mr Teesside beauty pageant.
06:53I could not believe I'd been picked to represent Borough.
06:56It seemed like a lifetime ago
06:58that I'd submitted my audition video
06:59where I tap danced to Megan Trainor's
07:01all about that bass for Middlesbrough Council.
07:04And now, here we were on the way to the final.
07:08Ma'am, do you think we're going to make it on time?
07:11I've got an email saying they'll deduct points if we're late.
07:14I'm going as fast as I can, Chick.
07:16Oh, stay still, Stuart.
07:17This double's going everywhere.
07:20Oh, you're joking, aren't you?
07:21I think it's the wrong one.
07:24Come on, you lot. In you go.
07:29It was magical inside.
07:31People had gathered from all over the Teess Valley.
07:33Some had even come all the way from Hartlepool.
07:37You're late, Mr Middlesbrough.
07:39There'll be a point to deduct it for that.
07:41Come with me.
07:45This is your station.
07:46We're starting soon, so get ready to go on.
07:48The six contestants from the Teess Valley
07:51that had made it to the final
07:52were getting ready backstage.
07:56Just as I thought.
07:58It's Nadia on the judging panel again.
08:00She never misses a year.
08:02She's the one you've got to impress, Stuart.
08:04She has the most influence,
08:06and she's the one who likes them rough
08:08and ready and hairy.
08:10Well, I've got my stubble on.
08:12We're going to need more than stubble.
08:16More?
08:19I know for a fact
08:20she loves a hairy chest.
08:23Get this on.
08:24Oh, yeah.
08:25Yes.
08:27Here we go.
08:30Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
08:32Not this tattooed tit.
08:33Oh, hi, guys.
08:36Didn't realise you were in the final, Stuart.
08:38Congrats.
08:40You too, Neil.
08:47OK, well, I'd better go to my station
08:49and get ready for the first round.
09:15I'm starting to find it a bit weird
09:16you bring this costume everywhere you go, hon.
09:18Listen, there's something unsavoury going on
09:21and I'm not talking about Stuart's aftershave.
09:23What you on about?
09:24That bald lad over there,
09:26Mr Stockton,
09:27he arrived with Nan
09:29and they were being all suspicious.
09:30If he does anything out the ordinary,
09:32let me know.
09:33Hmm?
09:34Okey-dokey, hon.
09:35Hmm?
09:36OK.
09:39Ah!
09:41Oh.
09:43You all right, chick?
09:44What happened, Sal?
09:45Fell back off me chest, you.
09:47You OK, hon?
09:49Oh, aye.
09:52Why don't you tell us
09:53what you remember about the competition?
09:55All right, babe.
09:57I suppose it's best that I start at the very beginning.
09:59It's not such a bad place to start, chick.
10:06I'll see you next time.
10:08I'll see you next time.
10:16I'll see you next time.
10:30I've never been more sure of anything.
10:39I'll see you next time.
10:45I'll see you next time.
10:55I'll see you next time.
11:20I'll see you next time.
11:37I'll see you next time.
11:40I'll see you next time.
11:44I'll see you next time.
11:48I'll see you next time.
12:02I'll see you next time.
12:15I'll see you next time.
12:38I'll see you next time.
13:32I'll see you next time.
13:33you next time.
13:43I'll see you next time.
13:53For our children.
13:58Let's get fucking wild, ladies!
14:07Please make some noise for Mr. Harleypool!
14:16Mr. Darlington!
14:24Mr. Stockton!
14:34Mr. Middlesbrough!
14:38Come on, ladies!
14:42Meanwhile, backstage, I was lint-rolling Stuart's shorts ready for the short shorts round, which was coming up shortly, when
14:47I suddenly remembered what Dickie said.
14:50That bald lad over there, Mr. Stockton, he arrived with Nan and they were being all suspicious.
14:56If he does anything out of the ordinary, let me know.
14:59Sorry, Bev. I'm a bit confused. Is this a flashback within a flashback?
15:04Yes, hon. Keep up. Anyway, I decided this was the perfect snooping opportunity to rummage through the bald, muscly twink's
15:13bag.
15:13Who wants some cold glasses?
15:24Mr. Middlesbrough.
15:25Mr. Middlesbrough!
15:39CHEERS
15:47Oh, he used to be so flexible.
15:50I don't know what's happened to him.
15:52Look what I found. It's the bee.
15:56I knew I recognised him.
15:58He's not from Stockton, is he?
15:59He's not even from Teastide, he's from South Fucking Shields.
16:02Stuart!
16:04Practice this, get your legs above your head!
16:10That Paul's I think is pointless and stiff as a bloody bard.
16:15Who's ready for some short shots?
16:19I've got to go and let Stuart into the short shots.
16:23There was something massively afoot.
16:26It was time for Detective Sexy and Inspector Voluptuous to investigate.
16:31So ridiculous.
16:32You are?
16:34I don't know why you chose that name.
16:36What's wrong with it?
16:37I don't know, it's just a bit...
16:39It's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?
16:40Oh, yeah, because Detective Sexy rolls right off the frigging tongue.
16:44Anyway, I just about managed to squeeze Stuart's curvaceous Kardashian arsecheeks
16:48into the smallest shots I could find.
16:50And even though the shots were short, the points were massive.
17:01There is a clear winner in the short shorts round, ladies.
17:10Mr. Stockton!
17:22And as it's tradition, I will also announce the longest shorts.
17:27And therefore the pathetic shithead loser of this round.
17:30And that person is...
17:31Mr. Hartlepool.
17:42Oh!
17:43Well, we have this for dinner tonight.
17:45Oh, yeah.
17:46Hey, well, we have beans with it as well.
17:48Oh, yeah.
17:49So, it was the talent round next.
17:51And I think this was the moment Nan was hoping to clinch a win for Mr. Stockton.
17:55Because Bobby has one of the most beautiful voices.
17:59Fucking hell, Stuart, why'd you just marry him?
18:06All right, ladies.
18:17When I am down, and oh, my soul so weary.
18:25When troubles come, and my heart burn in blue.
18:34And I am still in wait here in the silence.
18:43Until you come, and stay a while with me.
18:51You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
19:01You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
19:04I feel it took to all.
19:07Since...
19:08Since...
19:09Since...
19:12Bobby had blown it.
19:17But Nan had other evil tricks up her sleeve.
19:24She told Nadia that Shirley Ballas was on the phone to compliment her judging skills.
19:32And apparently that Nadia is a total slut for compliments.
19:48Oh, I'm going for a piss.
20:01Hey, hang on.
20:03Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
20:05I am, babe.
20:07I've tried telling him before his dog's shy to tap dancing, but for some reason he keeps doing it.
20:11No.
20:12Look.
20:13It's Nan disguised as one of the judges.
20:16Oh, shit.
20:17Be right back.
20:20Hiya, chick.
20:21Lads.
20:22Nan's somehow managed to get onto the judging panel.
20:24You're kidding me.
20:25So that was her plan all along.
20:28She's trying to fix Mr Teesside so that Bobby wins.
20:31And she can get all the prize money.
20:38Oh, that's lovely, that.
20:40We had all the evidence we needed.
20:43It was time for Detective Sexy and Inspector Voluptuous to blow Mr Teesside wide open.
20:49The talent round was over.
20:51It was now or never.
20:56Ladies, the judges have deliberated and we have a unanimous decision.
21:05The winner of Mr Teesside is...
21:19Stop!
21:22Stop the competition.
21:26I hope you'll all excuse my intrusion.
21:30But my name is Detective Sexy.
21:33And whilst you've all been enjoying the show,
21:36I've been carrying out a very extensive investigation into a crime.
21:42And the results may have come as a shock to some of you.
21:47You see?
21:49Not everything is as it seems.
21:53Somebody on this stage is a fraud!
22:01Get out!
22:08In my brassiere, I have the driving licence of Mr Stockton.
22:14Or should I say, Mr South Shields?
22:19That's right!
22:20Mr Stockton isn't even from Stockton!
22:23He isn't even from the Tees Valley!
22:26South Shields!
22:27What the?
22:28Let me call you by your real name.
22:30Bobby.
22:33How did you know?
22:34I'm wearing a bowl cap!
22:36Hmm.
22:37But let's not be too harsh on Bobby ladies.
22:40Because Bobby was merely a puppet in somebody else's porn.
22:46The real puppet master was operating under our very noses.
22:51In plain light.
22:53Yeah, it's Nanya. She's right there.
22:55Ma'am?
22:56I was about to do a whole dramatic thing.
23:05You found me out.
23:10Boo-ho-ho.
23:14Clever little gay boys.
23:17Well, let's see how clever you are.
23:21Now!
23:22She's got a gun!
23:25She's got a gun!
23:34Give me the twenty grand cash!
23:38Or I'll blow your bastard balls off.
23:44We haven't got the cash here!
23:45You are?
23:47Yeah, I mean it's in the bank.
23:48In the bank?
23:51In the bank!
23:55In the bank!
23:57What are you doing in the bank?
24:03What's the matter with yous?
24:05You never seen a gun go off before?
24:07You put your woke lipped hands.
24:11That didn't happen, did it?
24:12Actually, it did.
24:15Yeah.
24:16She got arrested and everything.
24:19I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky days!
24:23You'll regret this!
24:24You'll all regret this!
24:27Watch your head, sir.
24:29Oh, cheese, man.
24:29Thanks very much.
24:30Really appreciate it.
24:37Dickie!
24:38Is that...?
24:41Yeah.
24:41Is it done?
24:42I think it is.
24:51Your gig phone!
24:52Gig phone?
24:54What's a gig phone?
24:56His burner phone.
24:57Whenever Dickie gets booked for a drag show, it comes straight through to that line.
25:01I forgot you had it, to be honest chick.
25:04Well, answer it!
25:05PHONE RINGS
25:09Hello?
25:11Yeah.
25:14OK.
25:15No, that's...
25:17Yeah.
25:18Thanks.
25:20Thanks for letting me know.
25:22OK.
25:23Bye.
25:24What was that like?
25:26Guys!
25:27I've got a drag gig!
25:28Yay!
25:29Woo-hoo!
25:31Woo-hoo!
25:32Oh, Dickie!
25:33Who's that?
25:34Who's that?
25:34Who's that?
25:35Oh, Dickie!
25:36What a fucking tommet!
25:38What a fucking tommet!
25:39Yay!
25:41Woo!
25:41Oh, yes!
25:43That was great!
25:43What a fucking tommet!
25:49So, when will it be published?
25:52I just need to process...
25:55it.
25:56So, how did you leave it then?
25:58With this Neil?
25:59Well, I haven't actually told these guys yet, but...
26:13Life's too short.
26:15You what, Neil?
26:17That's what I was thinking when we were about to be shot.
26:20Life's too short.
26:23OK, hon.
26:24You've got to follow your dreams now, or...
26:26it might be too late.
26:30So...
26:31put that in mind.
26:37What are you doing?
26:39Lucinda.
26:48Would you do me the greatest honor...
26:52of being my wife?
27:05Well?
27:07What did you say?
27:07Are you there?
27:12No?
27:13We are James Bond.
27:15We're the future, we're the prime.
27:18We are James Bond.
27:20Now we stand here side by side.
27:23We are James Bond.
27:26Now we hold our hands up high.
27:28And the gift we leave behind is the promise of tomorrow for our children.
Comments