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Transcript
00:02Attention, everyone!
00:04Let me introduce you to the most perfect grandbaby ever,
00:10Zahra Howard!
00:12Oh! Oh, they decided to give the baby your last name.
00:15Well, not legally, sweetheart.
00:17All right, let me see the little meatball.
00:19Hello!
00:22Yeah?
00:23You know, something about my physique just makes babies love me.
00:26Oh, I don't know why.
00:28You are just the cutest.
00:31Oh.
00:34Um, can I hold the baby, Barbara?
00:37Sure.
00:37Okay.
00:38Sure. She's a little fussy.
00:40I know, I hear.
00:42Sweetie.
00:44Well, you're not fussy with us.
00:46Yeah.
00:46That's because Zahra and Janine wear the same shirt size.
00:50Now give me that baby.
00:54I've always wanted to hold one of these.
00:57Yeah.
00:58All right, now I'm bored.
00:59Think fast.
01:00Yeah.
01:01Okay.
01:02Oh, what in the world?
01:07Well, try Jacob.
01:09The baby's bound to cry with him.
01:10Oh, no, thank you.
01:11I'd rather...
01:11Jacob, take the baby.
01:12Oh.
01:14Hi.
01:15Hi, little sweetie.
01:19Well, at least she's settled down now.
01:22Yeah.
01:23Yeah.
01:27And now you've done it, Jacob.
01:29Oh, you've done it.
01:30Oh, oh, oh.
01:33Oh.
01:33Oh, oh.
01:38Oh, my man.
01:48Okay.
01:49Oh, look who's in a good mood.
01:52Every one of my kids aced their spelling test.
01:56You know, they're really in a flow state.
01:58It took a while to get here, but they're locked in.
02:01Yeah, always takes like half a year,
02:03but then when you get them there, all that feels good.
02:05Right, and you used to get them after the first grade.
02:08When I get them there, it's actually starting from zero.
02:12I beg your pardon.
02:13Your students are not starting from zero.
02:16Oh, yeah, well, no, no, that's not what I meant.
02:20Obviously, you're an amazing teacher, Barb.
02:21This I know. Damn straight.
02:23It's just that, you know, as far as them being students...
02:26Oh, boy.
02:27I'm essentially starting from scratch.
02:29Exactly what is it you think I do all day with my kindergartners?
02:33Babysit?
02:36Uh, no.
02:37Um, I'm not explaining myself well.
02:40You think?
02:42You do a lot.
02:43Uh-huh.
02:44But the expectations of a first grader...
02:47Oh, I tried to help you, man. It was nice knowing you.
02:50I'm gonna just shut up.
02:51Good idea.
02:55But what I'm saying is...
02:57Really?
02:57Okay, all right.
02:58Really.
02:58Okay, okay, okay, okay.
03:01Running late, I see.
03:02Yeah, well, that is because I am being smeared by Ms. Schwartz
03:05in the campaign for 51st District School Commissioner's Liaison Representative.
03:08Smeared, huh?
03:09That makes me want a bagel.
03:10Go get me one.
03:11She's on Facebook telling folks that I don't have any people of color in my life.
03:15Her only proof was a black-and-white photo of my white-and-white family.
03:18Sounds like it's time to hit back.
03:20No, on principle, I cannot do that.
03:22Ask principle, you should do that.
03:23No, I want people to vote for me because of where I stand on the issues.
03:26I won't want to campaign on vitriol.
03:28All right, bring it down a notch.
03:30Voters are dumb.
03:31Most of them are just there for the sticker.
03:35Well, I am doing an interview later to lay out my plan.
03:38I'm going to post it to the teachers' forum,
03:40and I think once people know where I stand on the issues,
03:42they will be clamoring to vote for me.
03:44Well, Ms. Schwartz just posted it.
03:46You don't believe in ADA-compliant schools.
03:48What?
03:49That's all I believe in.
03:52What's this?
03:55Mr. Johnson?
03:56Trying to get the whole school done at once?
03:58This is how I work off my nerves.
03:59What are you nervous about?
04:01Acting like you don't know that Janice's ball is coming up.
04:03That's this week?
04:04The what?
04:04It's the biggest soiree of the custodial season, Melissa.
04:07Ms. Carol's going to be there.
04:09This is the first time I've seen her since our mall mans.
04:12Okay, so what's the big deal?
04:14Well, for her, it seemed like a wham-bam,
04:16thank you, Mr. Johnson type thing.
04:18And this is my one chance to change that.
04:20Oh, we'll help you.
04:22Okay, you got to stop saying we before checking with the other party.
04:25Look, we love love.
04:27We're in love.
04:28Yeah.
04:28And we know a thing or two.
04:30I don't know.
04:31Come on.
04:32The fashion club can spruce up your outfit.
04:34Yeah, Ms. Carol love it.
04:36Wow.
04:38I feel like that girl in the fairytale going to the bar.
04:40You two are my fairy god-ugly stepsisters.
04:44So in the sequel, they do a four-way body swap with the granddaughter and the stepsister.
04:49That does sound like a much freakier Friday.
04:52Yeah, yeah, it's a little complicated, but it works.
04:55Do anything fun this weekend?
04:58Every day is a weekend for me, Gregory, because as you know, I don't do anything.
05:02I didn't say that.
05:03I don't think that.
05:04I'm merely a glorified babysitter.
05:06You said that, not me.
05:07That's not what I heard.
05:09Cool way to weigh in, Melissa.
05:10Barb, I know you do a lot.
05:12I don't think you truly understand what I do.
05:15I know what you do, but I also know what I do.
05:17I don't think you do.
05:18I do.
05:19Okay, listen.
05:21There's only one way to settle this.
05:23We Freaky Friday it.
05:25Oh.
05:25Yay.
05:26You switch classes for a little bit.
05:29Oh.
05:30Good idea, Melissa.
05:32Yep.
05:34Gregory, you in the mood for a little vacation?
05:37If I agree, would that help?
05:39It would.
05:40Okay, well then tomorrow, high noon, bring your class to the library and we will switch.
05:47Mmm, sight.
05:48But we are making that switch.
05:51Ha!
05:51High noon.
05:54Cortez, Imani, I'm excited to get into the issues with you today.
05:58District bureaucracy is...
05:59You've previously been critical of Mr. Beast's exploitation of what you call human suffering.
06:04So, explain your like on this Mr. Beast post from 2018.
06:09What?
06:11Where did you get that?
06:12Ms. Schwartz posted it.
06:14It was a long time ago.
06:16I was a different person.
06:17He was a different beast.
06:19But you know what stays the same?
06:20District bureaucracy.
06:21Making it impossible to create change.
06:24And that's what I want to focus on today.
06:26Not idle gossip.
06:28Look, I won't be persuaded off message, but word to the wise, never like anyone's post.
06:32Ever.
06:33Which would benefit both teachers and district.
06:36And that is just one prong of my multi-pronged communication system.
06:41Okay, thankfully Mr. C, that's all the time we have.
06:44Time will never get back.
06:46Well, policy isn't meant to be exciting, it's meant to change the world.
06:50I hope you found at least some of it compelling.
06:54Okay.
06:57Well, what do you think?
06:58Should I move my keys to the other side?
07:02I think that maybe if this is someone we're trying to impress, that we can do better.
07:05But this is what I wore on our first date.
07:07If I wore something different, she might not recognize me.
07:10You are more than just your uniform, Mr. J.
07:13Yeah, kids, let's get to it.
07:17Mm-hmm.
07:19That's janitor purple.
07:22Mm-hmm.
07:24You again.
07:24Look at what Ms. Schwartz did to my podcast interview.
07:27And that would be one prong of my multi-pronged communication system.
07:30What?
07:33Hey, hey, no one loves process more than me.
07:41She is manipulating everything in order to mischaracterize me.
07:44She is politicking.
07:45And the people are really responding.
07:47You are getting cooked.
07:49This is good.
07:50It rivals some of my take-downs.
07:51Oh, my God.
07:52Am I really going to lose to somebody totally incompetent?
07:55Hmm.
07:56What does that say about you?
07:58No, not on my watch.
08:00Be my campaign manager.
08:02Look, the debate is tomorrow and the vote is immediately following.
08:05I need your help to take her down.
08:06So you're telling me I have almost no time to turn this thing around?
08:09What do you think I am, some kind of miracle worker?
08:11Because I am.
08:12Please, I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't desperate.
08:16If I help you, you have to do exactly what I say,
08:19even if it goes against everything you believe in.
08:22Do I really have to do that?
08:23Yes.
08:23Now say trickle-down economics helps the lower class thrive.
08:27Ava, we both know that is a lie.
08:29Forget the truth or you're never going to win.
08:31Now say it.
08:32Fine.
08:32Trickle-down economics helps the lower class thrive.
08:35Good.
08:36Now say it again.
08:38Upon extensive research, I've determined that this is your problem.
08:42Okay.
08:43I think this was a bad idea.
08:44Do you want to be the next Beto or the next AOC?
08:47Trick question.
08:47Beto never won.
08:49Oh, I see.
08:51Yeah.
08:51The goal isn't to get people to vote for you.
08:53That ship has already sailed.
08:54The goal is to get people to vote against Ms. Schwartz.
08:56Okay, but how?
08:58We get nasty.
08:59We spin every question, every point, and we're making an attack on her.
09:03Example, what is your stance on standardized test prep?
09:06Well, my stance is...
09:07Weak, woke, whack.
09:08Your stance is locker up.
09:10Come on, man.
09:10Look alive.
09:12All right, students.
09:13Mr. Eddie and I are going to conduct a little experiment, since it seems that some teachers
09:18aren't valued as much in the eyes of others.
09:22It's not true, but...
09:23And so, for the rest of the week, we are going to switch classes.
09:27I am going to teach Mr. Eddie's class.
09:30Yeah!
09:33And I'm going to teach Mrs. Howard's class.
09:38I love Mrs. Howard!
09:40She's the best teacher ever.
09:42Yeah, well, your sample size is like two, so...
09:44Um, Mrs. Howard's class, follow me.
09:46You guys can stand.
09:47Please don't make me leave Mrs. Howard.
09:51It's okay.
09:52It's all right.
09:53Come on, let's go.
09:56You just be still.
09:58Nice!
09:59Coleman Domingo called.
10:01He said, save some red carpet for him.
10:04Miss Carol's going to freak!
10:07We'll see.
10:08I usually move ladies with my mop work, but she seen me clean an entire mall and walked away.
10:13Okay, so, what's our plan to win her over?
10:15I've been working on this mentalist routine.
10:17It's all about subtle suggestion.
10:19Pick a number.
10:20Any number.
10:23Yeah, or we lose that, and you just tell her how you feel.
10:28Okay, I got my number.
10:30I dated wild horses like her in the past.
10:32I'm afraid if I come out and tell her how I feel, she'll be out of my life before she's
10:35ever in it.
10:36I understand.
10:37It can be scary, Mr. J.
10:39But you know what?
10:40The important thing is you move forward, whether it's with her or without her.
10:43Mm-hmm.
10:46Melissa, was your number five?
10:50No.
10:51Oh, my God.
10:52My number was five.
10:54How did you do that?
10:54Subliminal messaging.
10:56You never noticed I had a thumbs up next to the number five.
10:58Whoa.
10:59Wow.
11:01Okay, so what is 30 minus 20?
11:05What's 30?
11:06Can I have blocks?
11:08No, it's not playtime.
11:09But I need them to count.
11:11Okay, well then, yeah, use the blocks.
11:13No, we're taking 30, and then, hey, excuse me, ladies, excuse, hey, there's enough for everybody
11:18to have their own set.
11:19Oh, relax, relax, relax.
11:21Can we sit down, please?
11:23Okay, let's pivot.
11:24What were you guys working on this week in language arts?
11:27We were talking about you.
11:30Me?
11:31No, the letter U.
11:33You were spending a whole week on the letter U?
11:34Why?
11:35We haven't gotten to Y.
11:38W-H-Y.
11:39What's W?
11:43Okay, it's okay.
11:48Apathy among teachers is at an all-time high.
11:51What will you do to combat that in this role?
11:53Great question.
11:54Here's what I'd like to combat.
11:55This magnificently unqualified candidate who is unprepared for the rigors of this position.
11:59Whacker again.
12:01It actually seems unfair that we would share the stage, since this isn't a social media
12:04post and you can't edit yourself to look competent.
12:07Now I saw that outfit.
12:08All while wearing that lipstick with that dress?
12:10Shameful.
12:11Oh, I'm imagining it and it is shameful.
12:14Now for the knockout blow.
12:16Bring up the fact that she kicked a student.
12:18And in case you aren't all dissuaded from voting for her, Miss Schwartz once punted a student.
12:22And the extra point is good.
12:26Politics looks good on you, Jacob.
12:28Okay, look everybody, this is nat time.
12:30So no talking, please.
12:32I'm not tired.
12:34Just close your eyes.
12:37My eyes don't close.
12:39Yes, they do.
12:40Stop yelling at me.
12:42Okay.
12:44Well, this was fun.
12:45I now feel like a terrible teacher.
12:48On the bright side, I also feel like a terrible person.
12:51So.
12:52Correct.
12:53Oh, we are really cooking now.
12:57Hello, Mrs. Howard.
12:59I'd like to switch back now, please.
13:01Mr. Eddie.
13:02It seems you finally found a garden you can't handle.
13:05Kinder garden.
13:07Hmm.
13:08Yeah.
13:09Uh, Mr. Johnson.
13:10It's Janine and Melissa.
13:11Yeah, we finished your corsage and the kids fashion you this unbelievable suit jacket.
13:18Hey.
13:19Hey.
13:19Ta-da.
13:19Ta-da.
13:21Thank you both.
13:22Unfortunately, I won't be needing any of this.
13:25What?
13:25What are you talking about?
13:27It was an accident.
13:28A semi-truck full of glitter bombs crashed into a carpet and tile depot.
13:32My God.
13:34And they need all hands on mop.
13:36So, Janice's ball is canceled.
13:40I'm so sorry.
13:40Surely that couldn't have happened.
13:42Well, it did, Janine.
13:43It's over.
13:44That's the universe telling me to drop it.
13:46Love is not in the cards for everybody, ladies.
13:52And when she twists your words, you bring up Kit Kate.
13:55Don't pull any punches.
13:56Twist, kick, punch.
13:57Oh, my God.
13:58Gregory.
13:58Hey, hey, hey, hey.
13:59Focus.
14:01You came to support Jacob?
14:02Of course.
14:03Didn't hurt that my nail salon is right across the street.
14:06Well, well, well.
14:07Look who decided to show up.
14:09May the best Schwartz win.
14:10Huh?
14:11Or hell.
14:12Ha!
14:12Your last name is a mound of dirt.
14:16Let's start with 60-second opening statement, shall we?
14:22Before I get into the nuts and screws, I want to share with you why I wanted to run.
14:28And, uh, well, it starts with the story of my deepest shame.
14:32You see, I poured everything I had into my first job as a teacher.
14:37And I pushed too hard because I cared too much, you know?
14:42And, uh, well, at my lowest, I, uh, I kicked a kid.
14:48It was wrong.
14:49But more than that, it was human and a testament to the struggles we teachers face every single day.
14:58I mean, who here hasn't been pushed to the brink?
15:01You know, forgiving myself wasn't enough.
15:03So I brought someone with me here today.
15:07Rajon, come on out, friend.
15:12No limp?
15:14He's so much more than a kid who got kicked.
15:18And I'm so much more than the kicker.
15:29Sorry for the brief recess.
15:31Our cat got out and my husband is blaming me again.
15:35Anyway, how would each of you improve working conditions and school morale?
15:38Mr. Hill, you first.
15:40Well, I think we can all agree that morale would improve in any school if there were no kicking of
15:44children.
15:45Why do you keep bringing it up, man?
15:47It's triggering.
15:48Because he wants to live in the past while I'm worried about our students' future.
15:53So much so, I wrote a poem.
15:57I stay up late wondering...
15:59Jacob isn't very good at this.
16:01Yeah, this is rough.
16:02Looks like he and I are both taking L's this week.
16:05Are you still upset about what happened earlier?
16:09Honestly, after seeing everything that you do, I feel like I don't do enough when I get them.
16:14Gregory, every grade's needs are different.
16:17Besides, I've seen you teach.
16:18Trust me.
16:19The students are learning just as much from you as they did from me.
16:24It's not a competition.
16:25It's a collaboration.
16:29I like that.
16:31Hmm.
16:32Although I am at the beginning, which makes me the foundation and therefore the most important.
16:39Mr. Johnson, you gotta come quick.
16:41There's an emergency.
16:42Oh, no.
16:43A second glitter truck hit the depot?
16:44No.
16:45Someone threw up in the gym and then someone else saw it and then they threw up.
16:49It's best to let it dry overnight.
16:51No, we can't because...
16:53Man, just come to the gym.
16:56I'm telling you, if you let it dry, you can shovel it the next day.
17:03Well, I'll be.
17:05You aren't vomit at all.
17:07But how?
17:08Your friends called me.
17:10Well, I called.
17:11You used my phone.
17:18I know you clean up well, but you also clean up well.
17:23I was worried you wouldn't recognize me.
17:26I do.
17:32I mean, she's wearing that lipstick with that dress?
17:35Shameful.
17:36One more outburst like that and I will be forced to ask you to stop.
17:39It's fine.
17:40He's worried about my dress and I'm worried about fixing the budget crisis.
17:44Okay, yeah, I'm not sure how because that's not what the role is.
17:48We can only convey our budgetary needs.
17:50We have no idea what the total amount is going to be from the district.
17:52Oh, my God.
17:53We can only convey our budgetary needs.
17:55We can only convey our budgetary needs.
17:55Do you even know what this position does?
18:00Can we move on?
18:01Jeez, this guy is insufferable.
18:05You know what?
18:07Maybe you're right.
18:08I am insufferable.
18:10I may not have the skills to edit TikToks to manipulate interviews.
18:14And photos.
18:14But at the very least, I know who to contact if your school needs supplies
18:17or wants to fund a trip or even needs a counselor.
18:21I mean, tell me, Ms. Schwartz,
18:22do you even have a plan in place to gather the needs of the 51st School District?
18:27The way.
18:30Sure.
18:31Look, I may be agonizing, annoying.
18:33Ooh, grating.
18:35And I may not know when to stop talking,
18:36but isn't that who you want fighting for you?
18:38I am insufferable.
18:40But I will always suffer so that you don't have to.
18:43Yes.
18:46I told him to say that.
18:49No matter what happens, I'm glad I did it on my own terms.
18:52That's a Jacob Hill I'll die on.
18:54Oh, why didn't I say that?
18:57All right, let's see a show of hands for Jacob Hill.
19:01Nine votes for Jacob Hill, all in favor of Tina Schwartz.
19:09And eight votes for Tina Schwartz.
19:11That officially makes Jacob Hill
19:12the 51st District Board of School Commissioners liaison representative.
19:15Ooh, thank God we came.
19:16Hey, man, come on, let's go.
19:18And let's go.
19:20Yeah, let's go.
19:22I know I went off script there a bit.
19:24Jacob, you don't have to say it.
19:26You're welcome.
19:27What?
19:28No, I did the opposite.
19:29It's what I do.
19:34Just want to say good luck doing whatever it is this job does.
19:38Well, I really appreciate that.
19:40And I'm sorry for the things I said earlier.
19:42I hope we can put our differences aside now.
19:45I'm so glad to hear you say that.
19:48So I can count on your endorsement when I run for school board.
19:52Run.
19:55Oh, God, what have I done?
20:03After the mall, I never thought I'd see your beautiful face again.
20:07But we agree.
20:08We didn't want it to get messy.
20:11One thing we know, in our line of work, your life is messy.
20:15What's important is cleaning it up for the ones you care about.
20:23Oh, it's so sweet.
20:27Oh, what's happening?
20:28I can't see.
20:29Tell me everything.
20:30We did good here today, kid.
20:32Hey, would you mind switching?
20:33Because I can't feel my arm.
20:35No, keep twirling.
20:36The feeling will come back.
20:37Okay.
20:38How do good things make the way they used to be?
20:46Jacob won by one vote.
20:49Whoa.
20:50Okay, please don't tell him I wasn't there.
20:51Please tell him I wasn't there.
20:53You all ready to go?
20:54Yeah, yeah.
20:55I have a big vocab test to prep for.
20:57Yeah.
20:57You know, it's funny.
20:59My second graders have come so far.
21:00They basically come to me as nothing.
21:02Their little minds just completely and totally empty.
21:05Like a blank page in a blank book.
21:06Where do you think you're going?
21:08Uh, home?
21:10Are you crazy?
21:11I know you don't think we're cleaning this place up.
21:13Also, the hallways could use a once-over.
21:16I had a rough day earlier.
21:19Come on, baby.
21:20Bye, y'all.
21:24Delicious.
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