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Transcript
00:00It's freaking freezing out there.
00:02Mr. J, I know you told us to go general with the thermostat,
00:05but I am cranking mine all the way up to 70.
00:07Well, set that bad boy to 72 now.
00:09The repair guy finally showed up.
00:11He's down in the basement fixing whatever's wrong with the heater.
00:13Only genius to fix that furnace,
00:15and this bug don't smell like no genius to me.
00:17All right, folks, I got good news, and I got bad news.
00:21Why do you repair guys always say that?
00:23I don't know, because I don't actually have any good news.
00:26Your furnace is broken.
00:27It's a miracle she's pumping out any heat at all.
00:30And whose fault is that?
00:31The districts.
00:32I don't want to open it up for a guessing game.
00:34Mr. J's been trying to get you down here for months.
00:36So is there something you can fix right now as quietly as you can,
00:39or something you'll address over break while I'm on the beach
00:41and don't care how loud you are?
00:42You're not understanding me.
00:43You need to close the school now.
00:47All right, I'll bite.
00:51Where's the cookie from?
01:05Well, it's been a good run, but we got to shut the school down for good.
01:08I hope the first graders have learned enough to keep them off the street.
01:11We are not shutting down the school on the last day before break.
01:13Yeah, it's winter show day.
01:15My students have sold tickets to their parents, their aunts,
01:18anyone who feels guilt.
01:19It's part of our lesson on percentages and skimming.
01:21But the repair guy says that...
01:24It would have been the same story if he came out two months ago.
01:26We made it those two months.
01:28Yeah, the only reason the furnace needs to be replaced today
01:30is because he's here today.
01:32Oh, suit yourself.
01:33But any more strain,
01:35and that furnace is going to crack.
01:38Hey, hey, hey, don't leave me.
01:40Take me with you.
01:41Hey, calm down.
01:42We'll just give the furnace a stress-free day.
01:44We'll turn the heat down on the third floor
01:46and move those kids downstairs
01:47and then double up on second floor classrooms.
01:50Oh, is that my Harvard showing?
01:52Stress-free sounds great.
01:54Like, physically I'm here,
01:55but mentally I'm already in the tub,
01:58two nogs deep,
01:59Dean Martin playing in the background.
02:01Would y'all take my warning seriously if I had hair?
02:04It's cold out there.
02:06I hope Jack Frost has 401k matching
02:08because he is working overtime.
02:10You just said that in the parking lot.
02:11I'm trying to see how much mileage I can get out of it.
02:13You too.
02:13Your winter show doesn't evolve temperatures
02:15above the high 60s, does it?
02:16Oh, ask Jacob.
02:17I know you assigned it to both of us,
02:18but I didn't want to do it.
02:19Which worked out because I really wanted to do it.
02:21Well, it better be good.
02:23I hate to be disappointed by you two yet again.
02:26All decisions were made by Jacob.
02:28I didn't weigh in because I do not care.
02:30See, that's the difference between you and me.
02:32I don't care about anything,
02:33and yet, I'll be weighing.
02:36This winter show,
02:37it's gonna be a whole vibe shift,
02:39starting with the mood music.
02:40Think Sufjan Stevens' second holiday album.
02:43Yawn.
02:44It's pronounced Sufjan.
02:45You really thought that was the best choice
02:46for the winter show?
02:47I did.
02:48I also thought you said you didn't care.
02:51You're right.
02:52I don't.
02:54Do your thing.
02:55Okay.
02:56Good morning, Janine.
02:58Good morning, Barbara.
02:59And happy birthday.
03:01What are you gonna do to celebrate?
03:03Okay, so last night, I was still 29.
03:05I go to Rubenstein's and turn up with my friends.
03:08But today, I'm 30.
03:10Very adult.
03:11So, I'll be going to a very mature dinner
03:13with Gregory and my mommy.
03:16Your mother?
03:17Yeah.
03:17Oh, and she is arriving now.
03:19Breezing past the front door biddies.
03:21Meet you in the room with the sad people
03:23and the free food.
03:24She's on her way here.
03:25I'm really happy my mom can make it
03:27for my birthday dinner.
03:28I'm turning 30, and this is a real chance
03:30to start a new relationship with her
03:31and just breeze into a new decade of life.
03:34Woo!
03:35It is cold outside.
03:36I can't believe I left my house today.
03:38Mom!
03:39Welcome back to the house.
03:41Happy birthday!
03:43And happy 30th anniversary to me
03:45for creating a whole-ass person.
03:49Okay, well, I know you want to get your coffee,
03:51but I do need to run back to my classroom.
03:52So, you guys just catch up
03:55and come meet me whenever, okay?
03:56All right.
03:59Hello, Vernetta.
04:01Mm.
04:02Hmm.
04:02Gloma?
04:03Is that like a gay llama or something?
04:05That's cute.
04:08So, this is the first birthday
04:10that you have been in town for
04:12since Janine started here at Abbott,
04:14and I'm just wondering,
04:15what brings you around this year?
04:18Oh, ease up, Mrs. Lady.
04:19I'm just here to support my daughter
04:21in her time of crisis.
04:22What crisis?
04:23Losing a man like Tariq,
04:25still teaching the second grade.
04:26When is she gonna get promoted to third?
04:28But that's not how it-
04:29And you know what's even sadder?
04:30Janine ain't got no friends.
04:31See, when I was turning 30,
04:33I wouldn't invite my mama nowhere.
04:35I was down in ATL at Magic City
04:37eating chicken wings off of strippers' butts.
04:40But my 30-year-old daughter
04:42is celebrating her birthday
04:43with her backup boyfriend, uh, George.
04:47Gregory.
04:47Whatever.
04:48And her mom,
04:49who people are surely gonna think is her sister.
04:52Who is also not here?
04:54You get it now?
04:55However Janine chooses to celebrate,
04:57that is what she wants to do.
04:58And I can assure you,
05:00she is not in a crisis.
05:01She is, in fact, doing quite well.
05:03It's like you weren't even listening
05:04to nothing I was saying.
05:06Janine's life is tragic.
05:09She needs her mother.
05:10Bye, girl.
05:13All right, kids.
05:15Find a new classroom and squeeze in.
05:16This floor is a movieplex today.
05:18Yeah, hustle it up.
05:19We got a date with Bruce in five minutes.
05:22Die hard in five.
05:23And in my classroom,
05:24we'll be watching
05:25The Nightmare Before Christmas.
05:27Wait, no.
05:28A Nightmare on Elm Street.
05:29Whoops.
05:30My bad.
05:31Muppet Christmas Carol.
05:32Mixed up my Freddy's with my Fozzie's.
05:34I'm telling you,
05:35the furnace ain't a happy girl.
05:37You're playing with fire.
05:38Oh, please, if we listened to you,
05:39we'd be home by now.
05:40Yeah.
05:43Damn.
05:44Tricked myself into working.
05:47Hey, uh,
05:48Daya said these came for you.
05:50Yes.
05:51What the hell is this?
05:53Do you love it?
05:54Doesn't totally seem like you do,
05:56but maybe you're doing
05:57one of those fake-outs?
05:58Feels like I'm in a Crown Royal bag.
06:00You wouldn't believe
06:01how much chiffon you can get
06:02from Amazon
06:03on an elementary school plays budget.
06:05The theme of this year's show
06:06is the color purple.
06:08The movie?
06:10No, the color.
06:11Purple.
06:12It's inclusive
06:12and that no winter holiday
06:14includes it.
06:16You know,
06:16if you don't like it,
06:17we could brainstorm.
06:18No need.
06:19It's great.
06:20Love purple.
06:22And then you unfold it
06:24and voila.
06:28Yes,
06:29and guess who taught her that?
06:30Lamb shop.
06:31Banana.
06:31Oh, no, girl.
06:32I taught you snowflakes.
06:33And guess who taught me?
06:35Nobody,
06:35because I had to do
06:36everything my damn self.
06:38Okay.
06:38Nope, guys.
06:39The next step
06:39is the most important.
06:41Glitter.
06:42Ooh.
06:43Look at you
06:43getting the hang
06:44of this teaching stuff.
06:45Yeah, I really am.
06:46I started a fashion club
06:47with members
06:48and everything
06:49and they're going to walk
06:50the runway
06:51at the winter show.
06:52It's like small
06:53but it's cute.
06:56Mom,
06:57this incredible,
06:58amazing human being
06:59is Gregory Eddy.
07:00Oh,
07:01okay.
07:02Nice to meet you,
07:03Gregory Eddy.
07:04It's nice to finally meet you.
07:05Janine has told me
07:06so much.
07:07Mmm.
07:08Miss Teeks,
07:09I messed up.
07:10Okay.
07:11Well,
07:11remember, guys,
07:12there are no mistakes
07:13in snowflakes
07:13so we are going
07:14to try another.
07:15I will be right back.
07:17It's really great
07:18that you can come tonight.
07:19So,
07:19my firstborn
07:20is dating a teacher,
07:21huh?
07:21Yeah,
07:22I'm a teacher.
07:22You know,
07:23her last man
07:23was a rapper.
07:24Lots of upside there.
07:27Tariq.
07:27Yeah,
07:28we've met.
07:29Yeah.
07:29So,
07:29what's your deal?
07:30Huh?
07:30Do you rap?
07:32Not on purpose,
07:33no.
07:34I guess your side bitches
07:35don't like that,
07:36huh?
07:37Um,
07:38just a,
07:39you know,
07:39friendly reminder.
07:40that we are
07:41surrounded by
07:41second graders.
07:42Oh,
07:43child,
07:43these kids
07:44don't hurt at all.
07:45Okay,
07:46um,
07:46but I want
07:47to assure you
07:48that I do not
07:49have any side
07:51women.
07:53Oh,
07:54oh,
07:55low T,
07:56huh?
07:56I won't say that.
07:58That's sweet.
07:58Okay,
07:59what did I miss?
08:00Oh,
08:01did he spoil
08:02the Big B reveal?
08:03He's from Baltimore.
08:04We hadn't quite
08:05gotten there yet.
08:06No.
08:06Yeah,
08:07well,
08:07he's cute.
08:08He's not my type,
08:09but he's about your speed.
08:10Aw,
08:11he is,
08:11isn't he?
08:12Mm,
08:12I'm so glad you like him.
08:13Mm.
08:14Is that what she said?
08:17Oh,
08:18I got more kids
08:19in my class
08:19than a Mormon bouncy house,
08:21but it's working.
08:22Yeah,
08:22shutting down the third floor
08:23is going great.
08:24I should do it year-round
08:25and run it out
08:25as a co-working space.
08:26Yeah,
08:27we're gonna make it
08:27to the winter show.
08:28Did you hear that,
08:29Mr. J?
08:31Uncover your ears.
08:34Well,
08:34that's a weird rumble.
08:35Oh,
08:35my bad.
08:36In a minute in fasting.
08:38It's hell.
08:40Oh,
08:42that rum.
08:43It's just the school's bones.
08:45Yeah,
08:45that's the sound bones make.
08:50Either the rats
08:51have elected a new pope
08:52or the furnace is about to go.
08:55Oh.
08:57Everybody down
08:58another floor!
09:04Okay,
09:04everybody,
09:05find your homeroom teacher
09:06or ask whose classroom
09:07loitering in
09:08for the rest of the day.
09:09Turn the heat down
09:09on the second floor
09:10and the furnace
09:11that snapped off.
09:12Okay,
09:12well,
09:12it's not gonna get any more broken.
09:14Let's just throw on a jacket
09:15and nut up.
09:16Paying parents are on their way.
09:20Stay calm,
09:21Mr. Johnson.
09:22You're gonna freak the kids out.
09:24Oh, my God!
09:24There we go!
09:26All right, guys,
09:27so it's gonna be
09:27a tight squeeze,
09:28but, um,
09:29that's okay.
09:30It's only for one more period.
09:31It's always something
09:32with this school, huh?
09:33Yeah.
09:34You know,
09:34it definitely keeps us
09:35on our toes,
09:36but I'd say it's exciting
09:37that way, right?
09:40Here you go.
09:43I used to get so stressed out
09:45when things went wrong here,
09:46but I'm feeling much more
09:48confident.
09:49I'm really coming
09:50into my own.
09:51I learned a lot
09:52in my 20s,
09:52and turning 30,
09:54I think there's a lot
09:55to look forward to.
09:56Like what?
09:57I don't know.
09:57Maybe
09:59saving up
10:00and buying a house.
10:02With what money?
10:03Well, that's the
10:04saving up part.
10:05Look, I don't own a house.
10:07You need to be
10:08more realistic
10:08about your expectations, hun.
10:10I don't think
10:11it's unrealistic.
10:12It's not easy.
10:13Look,
10:13I just don't want you
10:15to dream so big
10:16that you get crushed, baby.
10:19Yeah.
10:20No, right.
10:20I know.
10:21Okay.
10:22It was just a thought.
10:23Girl, yeah.
10:24Let that thing go.
10:27Well, one of the older kids
10:28accidentally sat on one
10:29of my littles,
10:30so we're here early.
10:32What is this now?
10:33Theater in the round.
10:35What in the what?
10:36My vision was for the seats
10:37to be on a rotating
10:38turntable,
10:38but call me a lazy Susan
10:40because I just
10:41couldn't get it done.
10:42Well, why not just
10:42use the stage,
10:43like normal shows,
10:44where everyone can see
10:45and you don't have to
10:45make eye contact
10:46with the person
10:46across from you?
10:47Mm-hmm.
10:48Yes, that almost
10:48sounds like a note,
10:49but it can't be,
10:50as I distinctly remember
10:51you saying you didn't
10:52want to give any.
10:53I don't want to give any,
10:55but the choices
10:56you're making
10:57leave me with no option.
10:59Mr. Eddie,
11:00why is it purple in here?
11:04Don't nobody know, Mira.
11:06Don't nobody know.
11:07Go on, take a seat.
11:09Aye.
11:12Vanetta, may I have
11:13a word with you, please?
11:14What now?
11:16I couldn't help
11:17but overhear
11:18what you said
11:19to Janine earlier
11:20about her dream
11:21of buying a house.
11:22Oh, you couldn't help.
11:23Stop it, huh?
11:23You know you got
11:24a real problem
11:25minding your business.
11:26You know that?
11:27Janine is telling you
11:27about things
11:28that she's excited about,
11:29her hopes and dreams,
11:31and you're acting
11:31like they won't happen.
11:32Because they won't.
11:33See, as her mother,
11:35my job is to keep her grounded.
11:37Listening to people like you
11:38is only gonna get her broke.
11:40Some people,
11:41it might just sound
11:42like you're jealous.
11:43Oh, really?
11:44Well, what people
11:45might that be?
11:45Because I know
11:46they're not gonna say
11:47it to my face.
11:49Don't you want
11:49your daughter to be happy?
11:51Of course I do.
11:52I'm her mother.
11:53Well, she's happy now.
11:58It's good.
12:00Be happy.
12:00She's happy.
12:09Oh, okay.
12:10Purple circles.
12:11Now this is theater.
12:16Okay, in 45 minutes,
12:17we'll be on break,
12:18and in an hour,
12:19I will be drunk dialing Wendy's.
12:21We're right on schedule.
12:22And with all these people,
12:23it's actually warm in here.
12:24Yeah.
12:25Does anyone else
12:25not hear that?
12:27Not hear what?
12:28So you don't hear it, too?
12:34Oh, you all look so good!
12:36I finally get why
12:37they call her Anna Winter.
12:39All right, go ahead.
12:40Get ready.
12:41You know, too bad
12:42they didn't have fashion club
12:43when you were in school.
12:45Why?
12:45Because then I would've
12:46dressed better?
12:46No, I think you would've
12:48really enjoyed it.
12:49Oh.
12:51You know, I was thinking,
12:53I really can't see you
12:55owning a house.
12:56Yeah, you were always better
12:58with money than I was, so...
13:00Oh, speaking of...
13:03Happy birthday, baby!
13:05Oh, yes, you can start
13:06on that day on payment!
13:08Mom, you did not
13:10have to get me anything.
13:12Mm-hmm, but I did.
13:13A dollar for every year.
13:16Once again, I am 30, though.
13:17Yeah, but they don't make
13:18$30 bills, now, do they?
13:20You are right.
13:21Thank you, Mom.
13:23Oh, you're welcome, sweetheart.
13:25I'm so proud of you.
13:28All right, Mom.
13:29Do you want to go ahead
13:29and take a seat?
13:30Because the show's about to start.
13:31I tell you what,
13:33I'm gonna go to the bathroom
13:34and stay.
13:34Okay, and then you'll
13:35come take a seat?
13:36Girl, I gave you $20,
13:37now don't be greedy.
13:43Uh-oh.
13:54Easy, girl.
13:55Easy.
14:12What's up?
14:13We're about to have a real
14:15big problem at Abbott.
14:16There she is, the birthday girl.
14:18How's your day going?
14:20You know, honestly,
14:21it's kind of perfect.
14:23I think my mom and I are actually
14:24rounding the corner
14:24on our relationship, so...
14:27that's wonderful, sweetheart.
14:32Gregory, would you mind
14:32to help me move this tree?
14:35Sure, I can help you move
14:36this fake tree made out of wood,
14:37which real tree's already
14:38made out of.
14:39What an astute observation.
14:41Actually, well, I got you one more.
14:42Is it another abomination?
14:45You tell me, Gregory.
14:47I have nothing to say.
14:49Really?
14:49You don't have a problem
14:50with this rainbow tree?
14:51Maybe something about
14:52how trees like this
14:52aren't natural?
14:54You're setting me up.
14:55I am setting you up
14:56to participate, okay?
14:58I love your input.
14:59I don't need your criticism.
15:00And if you don't like
15:01the LGB tree, well,
15:02then I have a cue for you.
15:03Would you please
15:03take your seat?
15:07Why you look so smug?
15:09I was right.
15:10The front is finally down,
15:12and there's no more heat.
15:14Well, too bad, so sad.
15:16The district will fix it
15:17over the break
15:17like we told them they would.
15:18Yeah, and for the rest of the day,
15:19it's pretty toasty in here.
15:20I hope you like your toast wet.
15:27Snows
15:33In Wisconsin, it snows
15:46In Wisconsin, it snows
15:47Jacob got fake snow?
15:48Uh, tastes like crap.
15:52It's dust.
15:53Oh, fuck.
15:58Oh!
15:59Oh, shoot!
16:00Oh, shoot!
16:01Come this way!
16:02Come this way!
16:03Come this way!
16:03Step up!
16:04Go up!
16:04Step up!
16:05There you go!
16:06Come on!
16:07Step carefully now!
16:08Stay out the door!
16:11So, how's that plan worth it?
16:17Hey, who do I need to speak to
16:19about a refund?
16:20Because-
16:20No refunds.
16:21Merry Christmas.
16:23Mr. Johnson, call the repair guy.
16:25He's on his way,
16:26and so is a water slide installing.
16:28We'll see what we want to go with
16:29when they arrive.
16:32All right, have a great break, everyone.
16:34Oh, here, take some grapes.
16:36It would have made sense
16:37if we got to do the show.
16:39I managed to save this.
16:41The LGBT tree.
16:43See?
16:44Huh?
16:44I knew you liked my ideas.
16:45I hated your ideas.
16:46Don't even get me started
16:47on the grapes,
16:48but I shouldn't have criticized
16:49if I wasn't going to help.
16:51So, I'm sorry.
16:53That is mean,
16:54but self-aware.
16:56Oh, but the theater
16:57in the round was amazing.
16:58Right?
16:59Yeah.
17:01Sorry, your play got soaked.
17:03Yeah.
17:05But,
17:06the bunting will be dry
17:07just in time
17:08for a very purple
17:09St. Patrick's Day.
17:13Well,
17:13then the kids can
17:15kiss the Barney Stone.
17:18You all right?
17:20I know I didn't laugh,
17:22but
17:23that is the funniest thing
17:24you have ever said
17:25by a mile.
17:30Nice.
17:31Mom,
17:32thank you so much
17:32for coming.
17:33I'm sorry the school
17:34started crying.
17:35Don't worry about it, baby.
17:37I am looking forward
17:39to dinner tonight.
17:40Yeah, me too.
17:41Gregory seems like
17:42a good man.
17:43He paying, right?
17:44Yes, he's paying.
17:45He planned the entire night.
17:47He's really detail-oriented.
17:49Sometimes I think
17:49if we ever have a wedding,
17:50he's just going to have
17:51so much fun
17:51with the seating chair.
17:52Uh, wedding?
17:53You pregnant?
17:54No.
17:55No, it's just
17:57marriage, buying a house.
17:58They just seem like
17:59the natural next steps
18:00for a brand new
18:0130-year-old.
18:02Well, I never got married.
18:04I might.
18:07Well, it's still new.
18:09You guys are in
18:09the early stages.
18:11Y'all don't live together yet.
18:12And he doesn't know
18:13the real you yet,
18:15does he?
18:15The real me?
18:17I say this with love, babe.
18:19But you know
18:20you annoying, right?
18:22Okay, I know I may, like,
18:23occasionally get
18:24a little over-enthused,
18:25but...
18:26Look, all I'm gonna say
18:26is I had my pick of men
18:28begging to marry me,
18:29but you and your sister
18:31would drive them
18:31right on out the house.
18:33You better watch that
18:33if Gregory ever asks you
18:35to move in with them.
18:36That's my two cents.
18:37Hmm.
18:40You know what, Mom?
18:41Yeah.
18:42Um, I don't think
18:42that you need to come
18:43to dinner tonight.
18:46Are you serious?
18:48I-I sat up here all day
18:49and watched these kids
18:50snatch boogers
18:51out their nose.
18:52Right.
18:52It's been a long day,
18:53so you should probably
18:54go home and get some rest.
18:55But thank you so much
18:56for the card.
19:00Okay.
19:02Happy birthday.
19:04Whatever.
19:08Wasted my whole damn day.
19:28Oh, definite burstage,
19:30serious floodness,
19:31and your furnace
19:32is completely dunzo.
19:34So is that an official
19:35diagnosis, or...
19:36Uh, you're gonna need
19:37a brand new one.
19:38Fine.
19:39One new furnace
19:40and a nice one this time.
19:41Oh, no, not a new furnace.
19:42A new school.
19:43Oh, come on in.
19:44Excuse me.
19:44At least for a while.
19:45This isn't gonna be
19:46some quick repair job.
19:48Yeah, okay, but we've been
19:49in a place where the school
19:50wasn't in fighting shape.
19:51You know, we manage.
19:52Great.
19:53Well, you'll have no heat,
19:54no water, no usable kitchen.
19:56You're gonna need
19:56significant drywall repair.
19:58Otherwise, you're gonna
19:58get black mold.
19:59Yeah, see, I don't think
20:00you're understanding
20:01the level of infrastructure
20:02we're used to.
20:03Plus, construction guys
20:04coming in and out all day,
20:05and your whole parking lot
20:07is gonna be totally taken over.
20:08What?
20:09Where will we park?
20:09Hmm, I don't know.
20:11Ooh, the street.
20:13We need a new school, y'all.
20:14I hate to say that I told you so,
20:16because I like to sing it.
20:20I told you so.
20:27Hey.
20:28Hey, you ready?
20:29Yeah.
20:29Where's your mom?
20:30She's not coming.
20:32Oh, okay.
20:33Everything all right?
20:35Yeah, I'll tell you about it
20:37over dinner.
20:38Okay.
20:39Oh, Lord have mercy.
20:42Hey, Barbara.
20:42Hey, do you have any dinner
20:44plans tonight?
20:45My mom actually can't make it,
20:46so.
20:47I'd love to join.
20:50Okay, good.
20:58So, instead of sipping
20:59Mai Tais on the beach
21:00all break,
21:01our hero, Ava Coleman,
21:03has been looking
21:04for a new school building.
21:06Zillow, Craigslist,
21:07Tinder, the works.
21:08Turns out I have to use the options
21:09the school district gave me.
21:11Welcome to the brand new
21:13Abbott Elementary.
21:16It's an old mall, okay?
21:18I'm gonna make it work.
21:21Happy holidays.
21:24Delicious.
21:25And a lot of popcorn.
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