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Transcript
00:08Piano music
00:41I don't know.
01:15Hey. Andrew. Andrew. What? I said hey. Oh. Hey. Would you like to buy a coupon to support
01:25the soccer team? How much is it? 20 bucks. It's good at over 50 local businesses including
01:30restaurants, shops, and sports venues. Yeah. That sounds great. I only have 10. Just give
01:45me the rest later. You're good for it, right? Yeah. I'm good for it. I'm good for it.
02:02So, how long have you been on the team? Just this season. I played at my old school
02:06though. As did my brothers. And my sisters. How many siblings do you have? Five. Mexican
02:14Catholic no condoms thing. I like that. The, uh, having siblings. Not, uh, I'm the only,
02:23only child, you know, single mom. So, I don't really know. But, uh, hey. Accidental kids
02:29are a serious fail man. Let me tell you about Ricky rule number one. Break the cycle. One
02:35kid can eat 16 tons of food by the time they turn 18. Gotta be ready for that shit. Know
02:40what I mean? Yeah. Uh, my mom went on strike once. And, uh, it was basically mac and cheese
02:47every night. So, I love mac and cheese. Well, me too. Yeah. Okay, kids. Turn the page with you
02:54pause. Will you come on? You're not seriously fanboying over that jock? Well, I mean, he's in
03:06pre-calc. So, not a complete dumbass. Okay. And how do you know that he's gay? I don't. But, if
03:14you met
03:15him or talked to him, then you would know. He's obviously. You do realize that sales and flirting
03:18are pretty much, like, the same thing, right? He just wanted to sell you a damn coupon book.
03:24Oh! You did not just rip that down! Uh...
03:29Is this him? I think this is you. What is this? Like, Hitler Youth meets saggy pants rapper?
03:38No, no, no, no, no. You see what I mean? These clowns are not worth it.
03:45You're right. I'm an idiot. I just... No, no, no, no, no, no. You just... You're just trusting.
03:51Okay? Which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't living in Dickville, USA.
03:58Shield up, okay? Use your Cylon detector and assume that he kicks puppies for fun.
04:05Or... Or assume that the size of his truck isn't in proportion to his dick size.
04:13We are the toxic queer duo of Central Valley High.
04:18I can't have you beat down by some shit kicker jock.
04:22But he's not like that.
04:22How the hell do we get there next year?
04:24To do which part is true.
04:25I'll see you next year.
04:27Good.
04:38Good.
04:38Good.
04:39Good.
04:40Good.
04:42Good.
05:28Playing with yourself?
05:30No. Hello? Uh, homework.
05:33Kid, I know you better than a labor lawyer at an arbitration. That is not a homework face.
05:43Playing soccer now?
05:46No. As if.
05:49Oh, then it's about a boy, right?
05:53He's not gay, though.
05:55Did you ask him?
05:58Don't chicken out like you did with that tennis player. I told you, you gotta make an effort.
06:05Mom, you don't understand.
06:07No, I do. You're sad because you're scared, and when you're sad, you'll go into outer space in your head.
06:16But, sweetie, fear is temporary.
06:21First time I had to confront an arbitrator, I almost peed myself.
06:26But the things that scare you now will make you laugh in ten years.
06:31In ten years. Yeah.
06:33Mom, I know all your things.
06:37Hard truth. From a lot of hard fights. Why do you think they call me Ninja Whoop-Ass?
06:44Because you never backed down from a fight.
06:48Mom, just leave it, okay?
06:52I'm not you.
06:55And I never will be.
06:57You came out?
06:58That took balls.
07:00Especially out here in the sticks.
07:03Hey, you're a lot more like me than you think.
07:07I say, go for it.
07:10He likes boys? Fantastic.
07:13He likes girls? So what?
07:16Nobody's perfect.
07:46He likes myself.
07:47He likes girls.
08:15Pro, do you need to use the pill?
08:17Me? Uh, no. I actually, I came to give you this. For the coupon book. Oh, yeah. I owe you
08:3010, so. Thanks. Hey, uh, could you play keeper for a bit? What? I'll kick it. You block. You play,
08:44right? Yeah, yeah, I...
08:48Hey, just five minutes. Let's see what you got. Okay.
09:26I got it!
09:34Well, I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead.
09:38Behind, technically, but... Okay. Thanks.
09:44Hey, you know, there's a, uh, there's this dance coming up, and I was wondering if you wanted... You mean
09:50the gay dance?
09:53Well, I mean, it's not... It's not really a gay dance. I mean, do you say it's, like, the only
09:57one sponsor? And you're asking me?
10:01I mean, I was thinking you'd be more, like, as friends. But why would you assume... I didn't. I wouldn't.
10:06Wait, why the fuck would you think that?
10:09What are you doing?
10:13Well, aren't you gonna hit me?
10:16Why would I do that?
10:20Hey, hold on a second.
10:24How do you know? Was it something I said? You caught me checking you out, didn't you?
10:31Huh?
10:33Damn. I thought I was being subtle.
10:38So you're... So you're actually...
10:41Listen, I could care less what these hicks think as long as college recruiters see me play. That's my number
10:46one priority right now.
10:49So you're in the closet? I mean, that's, that's great.
10:52Now, hold on a minute.
10:54What?
10:56Well, you have grass stains all over your pants.
11:00Shit, my mom's gonna kill me, dude.
11:03You look fine, you look...
11:06You want the truth?
11:08I can't dance.
11:10I know I'm Latino and supposed to be good at dancing, but every time I try, I just look like
11:15some awkward white dude.
11:16It's really embarrassing.
11:20Well, I mean, you know, coming from an awkward white guy, that's not, that's not that bad.
11:31You know, we don't actually have to dance if we go.
11:34So...
11:35You'd be okay with that?
11:36Of course.
11:38I mean...
11:39Yeah, but...
11:40Let's do it.
11:42Really?
11:42Yeah.
11:43You try to make me dance, though, and I'm walking out of there.
11:45I wouldn't dance.
11:46I'm serious.
11:47I got a reputation to think about.
11:52You're not ashamed to be seen with me?
11:58Just because I'm a jock doesn't mean I'm an asshole.
12:05What about recruiters?
12:07I mean, if they saw you...
12:09You kidding?
12:10Good player from bumfuck nowhere?
12:12Boring.
12:13Good gay player from bumfuck nowhere.
12:15Now I got their attention.
12:17But you gotta play it right, you know, to go viral.
12:20It's all about Ricky rule number two.
12:22Element of surprise.
12:24Surprised you, didn't I?
12:26You're telling me?
12:40everyone.
12:40Good boy, everybody.'?
13:08Go
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