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00:01MILES O' Secretary of State Marco Rubio is making music news.
00:05First, he stepped behind the booth at a family wedding, adding wedding DJ to his ever-growing
00:10list of jobs.
00:11Then, at a White House press briefing, he quoted two early-'90s rap songs to describe
00:18Iran.
00:18And another one by Cypress Hill.
00:22They're insane in the brain.
00:52All these jobs I can't maintain, cause frankly, little Marco is going insane.
00:57Insane in the membrane.
00:59Insane in the membrane.
01:02Insane in the membrane.
01:04Drinking water with shame.
01:06Insane in the membrane.
01:09My boss is lame.
01:10No brain.
01:11It's The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
01:39And now, live on tape from the Ed Sullivan Theatre in New York City.
01:45It's Stephen Colbert!
02:01Thank you very much, everybody, ladies and gentlemen.
02:06Welcome, one and all, to The Late Show.
02:09I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.
02:10I want to start off tonight.
02:14First of all, happy 6-0 to Mayo to all who celebrate.
02:20We all may have something to celebrate soon, because according to White House officials,
02:24the U.S. and Iran are closing in on an end to the war.
02:30Well, all right.
02:33There you have it.
02:34At last, an end of the conflict.
02:35And to commemorate it, I will now release the ceremonial dove of peace.
03:00There it goes.
03:11Send us a postcard from Tehran.
03:15It's all because, reportedly, Trump is ready to assign a one-page memorandum of understanding
03:20that sets a framework for a more detailed nuclear negotiations later.
03:24So it's a single sheet of paper, which is a letter of intent to eventually outline the idea
03:31of what you might agree to some other time.
03:37Mr. President, does this mean you have a peace plan?
03:40I have concepts of a plan.
03:43Okay.
03:44That's close enough.
03:45That's something.
03:46It's something.
03:48It's something.
03:52The bullet points of this single sheeter include a moratorium on nuclear enrichment for the
03:58Iranians, the U.S. lifting of its sanctions, and both sides lifting restrictions around
04:03transit through the Strait of Hormuz.
04:05So, exactly what was happening before.
04:11I think, I think I might have a case of Deja Hormuz.
04:18Hey.
04:21Just like this one.
04:23Oh, I see.
04:24Yes.
04:25Hey!
04:28Sorry, I'm going through a lot right now.
04:31Me too.
04:32Yeah, me too, fella.
04:34So, that's it.
04:36War over, except we don't really know who's calling the shots in Iran right now, and some
04:41of the Iranian officials aren't exactly on board with this.
04:44In fact, one Iranian spokesperson called it an American wish list and not a reality, adding,
04:50Americans will not gain in a lost war what they failed to achieve in face-to-face negotiations.
04:55Okay, give me the bird back.
04:57Give me the bird back.
04:58And I'll take the box.
04:59Give me the box, too.
05:00Thank you very much.
05:01Thank you very much.
05:05There you go.
05:06Now, this war with Iran...
05:09Is he okay?
05:11Is he okay?
05:13He's fine.
05:15This war with Iran, called Operation Epic Fury, is...
05:19It's confusing.
05:20Yesterday, secretary of all that and a bag of chips, Marco Rubio, was...
05:26He was guest hosting...
05:27And this is true.
05:27He was guest hosting Carolyn Levitt's daily press briefing while she's on maternity leave,
05:33so there's another job.
05:34And he explained to the press why this war doesn't need congressional approval.
05:39The operation is over.
05:41Epic Fury is...
05:42The president notified Congress.
05:44We're done with that stage of it.
05:45Fly!
05:46Fly!
05:46You're free again!
06:05There you go.
06:06Epic Fury's over.
06:08Next came something called Project Freedom that they launched, and-and you'll recall that
06:13Project Freedom was the operation Trump launched to guide ships through the Strait of Hormuz.
06:17Well, last night, Trump halted that military operation in the Strait of Hormuz after one day.
06:22No surprise there.
06:23The president's just living up to the Trump family motto,
06:26When the going gets tough, bye, bitch!
06:30The point is...
06:32Bye!
06:46Hey, uh, you guys like stupid things that infuriate you?
06:52Well, take a long toke off this.
06:55Senate Republicans are now seeking $1 billion from taxpayers to pay for Trump's ballroom.
07:02Okay, okay, okay, I know it's hard to wrap your head around a billion dollars, okay?
07:06Let me put that in layman's terms.
07:08That is bullsh**, because from the start...
07:16I got a little something.
07:17I got a little something.
07:21Because from the whole start of this thing, Trump has had one unwavering promise about his ballroom.
07:27We're building one of the greatest ballrooms in the world.
07:29By the way, zero money spent by the government. Zero.
07:33We have no taxpayer putting up 10 cents.
07:35It's all donors. There's not one dime of government money going into the ballroom.
07:41It's all donations.
07:43Rich people and people are putting up the money.
07:47Zero taxpayer dollars. Is that right, Scott?
07:49Zero taxpayer dollars.
07:51No taxpayer money. I want to put that. Zero.
07:54We did this at no charge to the taxpayer whatsoever.
07:57This was all donations made by friends of mine and people that love our country.
08:04How ironic.
08:06To lie that blatantly takes a lot of balls.
08:09And he still hasn't built the room to store them.
08:14It's not just ballrooms.
08:16Thank you, host. Just the first.
08:19Hello?
08:20Hello?
08:21Hello?
08:23Hello?
08:24Is this on?
08:24Hello?
08:26Hello?
08:31It's not just ballrooms.
08:33Yesterday, Trump gave some attention to his latest renovation resurfacing the bottom of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, which he
08:40is painting a deep blue.
08:43Here's an artist's rendering of what it'll look like. Looks good. And it stays that color for up to 2
08:48,000 flushes.
08:52Trump, he loves it. He's very excited about this and he whacks poetic about the project.
08:58If you go down, if you'd like to see them doing it, on your way back home, take a trip
09:03down to the Reflecting Pond, or they call it the Reflecting Pool.
09:07Some people call it the Reflecting Lake, but the word Reflecting is always a part of it.
09:12The word Reflecting, folks. The word Reflecting is always a part of it. They call it a pool, a lake,
09:16and a pond.
09:19Some call it the Freedom Puddle. Others, the Waiting Lake of Justice. And some, and some, the Forrest Gump Jenny
09:28Splash Zone.
09:30It's a great place. It's the perfect place. Speaking of which, what a great guy. American hero. New Dick Cavett.
09:38A great place for the learning disabled to fall in love with someone who later tragically contracts AIDS from a
09:45box of chocolates.
09:46It's been a while since I've seen the movie. I'm pretty sure that's what his mama always said.
09:51You never know what you're gonna get from a box of chocolates. Sometimes it's nougat.
09:58Sometimes it's caramel. Sometimes it's AIDS. It's a great movie. There's news about...
10:11Wow. Thank you.
10:27There's news. There's news. Thank you. There's news about health secretary and oven-baked red snapper where they leave the
10:36eyes in.
10:38RFK Jr., recently we learned that Bobby Jr. is changing FDA rules to clear a path for minors to use
10:45tanning beds.
10:47Well, I mean, that comes as no surprise from someone who looks so hickory-smoked.
10:52But you know the old adage, hurt people hurt people.
10:57And tan people tan people.
11:02Here's the story.
11:04It's a long time coming.
11:06But I know.
11:08I knew. I knew. I knew it was gonna come.
11:11Here's the story.
11:12Bobby recently nixed an FDA rule that would have banned minors from using devices like indoor tanning lamps and require
11:18tanners to sign a form acknowledging the risk of cancer, early skin aging, and other health effects.
11:24Instead, under Bobby's rules, you'll get a form that asks you to choose Honey Barbecue, Teriyaki, or Sean Penn.
11:32Elsewhere, great actor. What an amazing actor.
11:37One battle after the two, one battle? Unbelievable.
11:40Elsewhere in the Food and Drug Administration yesterday?
11:44Yesterday, for the first time, the FDA authorized fruit-flavored vapes for adults.
11:49This is fantastic news for your sister's boyfriend.
11:55The newly approved flavors include menthol, mango, and blueberry.
12:00That's gonna lead to some awkward checkups eventually.
12:04Uh, Mr. Johnson, we had the tumor biopsied.
12:07I'm afraid.
12:08I'm afraid it's oops-all-berries.
12:15This is a big shift.
12:16No.
12:18No.
12:19I'm sorry.
12:22I reject your praise.
12:24This is not easy for me.
12:26This is a big shift because up till now, the FDA has rejected more than one million fruit candy dessert
12:32-flavored products over public health fears that those flavors are potentially appealing to children.
12:37What if they are?
12:39Those kids need something to take the edge off after a couple hours in the tanning booth.
12:45Also, that was just more, I think those regulations were just more nanny state over-regulation.
12:52Candy-flavored vapes are clearly targeted at adults.
12:55That's why I'm proud to announce the official vape of the Late Show, Paw Patrol Razzleberry Vape Pack for grown
13:02-ups.
13:04We changed the packaging.
13:06Yeah.
13:07We changed the packaging.
13:08We've got to give you credit for that.
13:10You know what I mean?
13:11TanKids.
13:13TanKids Huff and Huckleberry menthol death sticks is just part of Trump's overall health agenda.
13:20Yesterday, the FDA blocked publication of research finding COVID and shingle vaccines were safe.
13:26Like, here's what's so crazy.
13:27If they had just let the articles be published, no one would have read them.
13:33Why?
13:39Just don't talk about it and no one would know.
13:41I mean, why would they do this?
13:44They're insane in the brain.
13:46Okay, there you go.
13:47Thank you, doctor.
13:48Here's a compromise, Maha.
13:50If you let us have our vaccines, we promise to vape them.
13:55Okay, they can come in fun flavors like cotton candy COVID, mango MMR, and HP Vina Colada.
14:12We've got a great show for you tonight.
14:14My guest is Sally Field.
14:16When we come back, Evie and I have some first drafts of penalty cards.
14:21One more time.
14:23And we'll be right back.
14:27Come on.
14:31You seen Sally Field.
14:32Finally, we'll be right back.
14:34Movie Man performed all kinds of things.
14:36That's the right.
14:36Oh, my gosh, I'll be right back.
14:49We got to my Chica and I'm the first drafts of the Lawist of the Lawist of the Lawist of
14:52the Lawist.
14:56FOLKS, MOTHER'S DAY IS THIS SUNDAY.
14:58IT'S THE DAY WE CELEBRATE ALL MOMS, GRANDMAS, AND, YES,
15:02EVEN STEPMOMS.
15:03SHE'S NICE, SHE MAKES DAD HAPPY, AND, HEY, SHE WAS IN
15:06YOUR CHEMISTRY CLASS.
15:11AND MOTHER'S DAY MEANS MOTHER'S DAY CARDS, AND I'D LIKE
15:15TO SHOW YOU SOME IN MY SEGMENT, FIRST DRAFTS.
15:24OF COURSE, IT WOULDN'T BE MOTHER'S DAY WITHOUT THE
15:26WORLD'S BEST MOM, MY WIFE, EVVY, COME ON OUT.
15:34WOW.
15:35HI.
15:36WOW.
15:37THANK YOU.
15:38WOW.
15:39THANK YOU.
15:42THANK YOU.
15:43THANK YOU.
15:44THANK YOU.
15:44THANK YOU.
15:44UNBELIEVING.
15:46HI.
15:47HI.
15:48SIT SIT SIT.
15:49ALL RIGHT.
15:50SIT SIT SIT.
15:55THAT'S NICE.
15:56WOW.
15:57YOU KNOW WHAT, IN HONOR OF BOTH THAT DRESS AND MOTHER'S
16:01DAY, I JUST WANT TO SAY HI-CHI-MAMA.
16:04YOU LOOK AMAZING.
16:05THIS IS LIKE MOTHER'S DAY EXTRA.
16:06THIS IS MOTHER'S DAY EXTRA.
16:07A LITTLE SPARKLY.
16:09MOTHER'S DAY, I KNOW WHAT YOU LOVE ON MOTHER'S DAY.
16:11WHAT DID YOU ALWAYS GET ON MOTHER'S DAY WHEN WE HAD KIDS
16:14AROUND?
16:15SCONES OR BISCUITS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
16:16SCONES.
16:16WE'LL BRING UP SCONES FOR YOU.
16:17WE'LL MAKE SCONES FOR YOU.
16:19AND A CUP OF COFFEE.
16:20OH, YEAH.
16:21AND THE NEW YORK TIMES.
16:22ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
16:24YES.
16:25THERE YOU GO.
16:26YEAH, HOLD THAT UP.
16:27THAT'S PROOF OF LIFE.
16:29ALL RIGHT.
16:31LISTEN, HONEY, THIS IS VERY SPECIAL.
16:32THIS IS FIRST DRAFT.
16:34BUT IT'S THE FINAL DRAFT OF FIRST DRAFT.
16:36ALL RIGHT, FINE.
16:36THIS IS THE LAST OF THE FIRST DRAFT THAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.
16:38THIS HAS BEEN FUN.
16:39I HAVE HAD A VERY GOOD TIME.
16:41IT HAS BEEN SUCH A BLAST.
16:42THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS.
16:43SIX YEARS.
16:44SIX YEARS OF DOING THIS.
16:45WHAT A NICE DISCOVERY.
16:46IT'S BEEN REALLY FUN.
16:48A LOT OF NICE OUTFITS, TOO.
16:49REALLY, REALLY FUN.
16:50THANK YOU.
16:50WELL, DARLING, LET'S DO THE THING.
16:52YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.
16:53OH, BOY.
16:54I'LL SHOW THE AUDIENCE A LOVELY MOTHER'S DAY CARD THAT YOU MIGHT FIND IN A STORE,
16:58AND THEN I'LL SHOW THEM THE NOT SO GREAT FIRST DRAFT OF THAT SAME CARD,
17:01AND IF YOU COULD HAND ME THE CARDS IN THE PROPER ORDER.
17:04THEY NEED TO ACT LIKE THEY NEED TO KNOW.
17:05THEY MAY NOT UNDERSTAND.
17:07THIS MIGHT BE, YOU KNOW, ENGLISH IS THEIR SECOND LANGUAGE OR SOMETHING.
17:11OKAY, HERE'S A SWEET CARD.
17:13THERE'S NO BOND LIKE THE ONE BETWEEN MOTHER AND CHILD.
17:16I'LL ALWAYS BE CLOSE TO YOU, MOM.
17:19HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
17:21THAT'S LOVELY.
17:22BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID,
17:24THERE'S NO BOND LIKE THE ONE BETWEEN MOTHER AND CHILD,
17:27EXCEPT FOR FLEX SEAL.
17:28THAT GUY MADE A WHOLE BOAT OUT OF IT.
17:31I'D LOVE SOME.
17:33YOU'D LOVE SOME FLEX SEAL?
17:34FOR FATHER'S DAY.
17:36WHAT IS FLEX SEAL?
17:37WHAT IS FLEX SEAL?
17:39YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT FLEX SEAL IS?
17:41NO.
17:41YOU KNOW HOW EVERYBODY'S GOT GIANT TANKS OF WATER,
17:44CLEAR TANKS OF WATER IN THEIR HOUSE AND WATER'S POURING OUT OF IT?
17:47YOU CAN JUST TAKE A PIECE OF IT AND GO, WHACK, AND YOU GET RID OF IT.
17:50OKAY, I THINK THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR ME TO BRING UP SOMETHING.
17:53FOR WHAT?
17:54I THINK WE NEED, SO IT'S BEEN, YOU KNOW, 21 YEARS.
17:58THAT I'VE BEEN DOING A LATE NIGHT SHOW, YEAH.
17:59AND YOU'VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH YOUR JOB.
18:02WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF TIME, AND I THINK WE NEED TO ESTABLISH SOME GROUND RULES.
18:10I ACTUALLY THINK...
18:11WELL, LIKE WHAT?
18:11WELL, I THINK YOU NEED...
18:12KEEP IN MIND, I HAVE AN EDITOR.
18:16WHAT IS THE GROUND RULES?
18:16OKAY, SO FIRST OF ALL, I THINK WE NEED TO REACQUENT YOU WITH SOCIAL INTERACTION
18:21WITH PEOPLE IN THE REAL WORLD.
18:22LIKE WHAT?
18:23I TALK TO PEOPLE.
18:24WELL, THAT'S KIND OF THE PROBLEM.
18:26NOT EVERYBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SONG LYRICS WHEN YOU RUN IN TO GET A BOTTLE OF WINE.
18:30LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT JUST GET A LITTLE...
18:33DID THE GIRL AT THE WINE STORE TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS?
18:35WELL, I MEAN...
18:36OKAY, I'VE GOT A GROUND RULES TOOL.
18:38OKAY, WHAT IS IT?
18:39I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE LIKE 200 PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO MY STORIES.
18:42THIS IS WHAT I'M AFRAID OF.
18:43YOU HAVE TO PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW MY STORIES.
18:45OH, GOD.
18:46OH, GOD.
18:47YEAH.
18:48BUT 34 YEARS OF HEARING YOUR STORIES, I JUST...
18:50I MEAN, OKAY.
18:54DID EVERYBODY TELL YOU HOW I GOT DEAF IN ONE YEAR?
18:56YES.
18:56CAN I HAVE THAT, PLEASE?
18:58DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY FAVORITE POEM?
18:59GIVE ME THE...
19:00NO, THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
19:02WHAT?
19:02YOU CAN'T JUST RECITE POETRY TO STRANGERS.
19:04I JUST DON'T THINK THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE THAT.
19:06YOU HAVE TO...
19:06YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NOT LIKE YOUR STAFF WHO GO,
19:08THANK YOU, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
19:12BUT AGE CANNOT WITHER NOR CUSTOM STALE MY INFINITE VARIETY.
19:16GIVE ME THAT.
19:18OH, IT'S GONNA BE A ROCKY SUMMER.
19:19IT'S GONNA BE A ROUGH SUMMER.
19:22OKAY, HERE'S A CUTE ONE.
19:25TO THE BEST MOM EVER, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
19:28SWEET, THAT IS REALLY NICE.
19:30VERY SWEET.
19:30BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, TO THE BEST MOM EVER,
19:32I DROPPED ACID, IS THE STRAWBERRY STILL WATCHING ME?
19:37DON'T DO IT, KIDS.
19:39THAT'S NOT GOOD.
19:40DON'T DO IT, KIDS.
19:41OR DON'T TELL YOUR MOTHER IF YOU DO IT, FOR SURE.
19:44EXACTLY, YEAH, WHAT DO YOU, WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR MOTHER'S DAY?
19:46WE WOULDN'T HAVE THEN, WE'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE BRUNCH
19:48WITH OUR KIDS, IT'S GREAT.
19:48THAT'S WONDERFUL.
19:49SO, NO PRESENT, YOU DON'T NEED PRESENTS.
19:51I DON'T NEED, NO THANK YOU.
19:52TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT YOUR DAD USED TO SAY ABOUT
19:53MOTHER'S DAY PRESENTS.
19:54HE SAID, I'M, YOU'RE, WHAT DID YOU SAY?
19:56YOU SAID, WHY DON'T YOU GET MOM SOMETHING?
19:58AND HE SAID, SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER.
19:59YEAH.
20:01WHICH IS TRUE, I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER.
20:02YOU'RE NOT, BUT IF I DIDN'T GET YOU ANYTHING,
20:04HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?
20:05WELL, I'VE GOTTEN USED TO IT NOW.
20:06OKAY, GIVE ME THAT.
20:09SHE MEANS SHE'S USED TO THE PRESENTS, MY FRIEND.
20:13SIGNALING SHIPS, OKAY.
20:18DO YOU WANT TO TELL THE SIGNALING SHIPS STORY?
20:20NO, YOU TELL, THAT'S YOUR FAVORITE STORY.
20:21MY FAVORITE STORY.
20:22I KNOW THIS STORY AS WE...
20:23SO, IT'S A DON RICKLES, ACTUALLY.
20:25IT WAS, I WAS NOMINATED FOR BEST HOST ONE YEAR
20:28UP AGAINST DON RICKLES.
20:29DON WON, GOD BLESS HIM.
20:31AND SO DON GETS UP THERE AND STARTS TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE.
20:34SO THEY'D BEEN MARRIED FOR LIKE 60 YEARS AT THAT POINT.
20:37AND DON GETS UP THERE AND TALKS ABOUT HIS WIFE,
20:39WHO HAD BEEN THE SECRETARY, THE ASSISTANT TO THE MANAGER
20:43HE WANTED, LIKE THAT.
20:45AND HE COULDN'T GET IN WITH THE GUY,
20:46SO HE WOULD CALL EVERY DAY AND JUST DO SCHTIK TO HER.
20:50AND HIS SCHTIK WAS, OF COURSE,
20:51WAS ALWAYS KIND OF LIKE ABUSIC AND, YOU KNOW, AND...
20:53ABUSIC?
20:54WELL, LIKE, RICKLES WAS VERY TOUGH.
20:56HIS JOKES WERE VERY, LIKE, TOUGH.
20:57AND, UH, AND SHE WOULD...
20:59SHE SAID TO HIM,
21:01NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR A SMART-ALECK.
21:04THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID TO HIM.
21:06AND HE GOES, OF COURSE, NOW SHE'S SITTING ON THE BEACH IN
21:08MALABU, SIGNALING SHIPS,
21:10MEANING ALL THE JEWELRY THAT SHE WEARS,
21:12LEAVE OVER HER.
21:13AND, AND WE WERE AT THE EMIES THAT NIGHT,
21:15AND YOU HAD SOMETHING NICE ON,
21:16YOU LIFTED UP AND YOU WENT,
21:17THERE YOU GO.
21:19BECAUSE WHEN WE MET,
21:21NO ONE WANTED TO TALK TO THIS SMART-ALECK.
21:23WHAT SMART-ALECK?
21:24THIS ONE.
21:25WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
21:26I MADE $8,000 A YEAR WHEN YOU MET ME.
21:29BUT PEOPLE STILL WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.
21:31WHAT?
21:31PEOPLE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO PAY YOU.
21:36THEY DID.
21:43I'LL TALK TO YOU, I'LL TALK TO YOU FOR FREE.
21:46IT'S GOING FULL CIRCLE.
21:54OH.
21:55OH, YOU KNOW.
21:56OH, MY GOODNESS.
21:57OH, WELL.
21:58YOU'RE HOSTING THE NEXT ONE.
21:59ALL RIGHT.
22:01HERE'S A CARD THAT SAYS THE GREATEST FEELING IN THE WORLD IS A HUG FROM YOUR MOM.
22:05HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
22:06THAT IS THE DAMN TRUTH RIGHT THERE.
22:09BUT THE FIRST TRAFF SAID THE GREATEST FEELING IN THE WORLD IS THE FIRST TIME YOU TRY CRACK.
22:12JUST BEING HONEST.
22:15DON'T DO IT, KIDS.
22:16DON'T.
22:17CRACK IS WACK.
22:18LAST ONE, BABY.
22:19THIS IS THE LAST CAR.
22:21DON'T MIX UP WHICH ONE'S WHICH, PLEASE.
22:24DID YOU JUST GIVE ME THIS?
22:26NO.
22:26GIVE IT TO ME.
22:27NO, I CONTROL IT NOW.
22:28YOU CONTROL IT?
22:29YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE GIVING ME THE STRAIGHT ONE, THE BAD ONE, THE STRAIGHT ONE FIRST.
22:31I GOT THE GOOD ONE HERE.
22:33THE GOOD ONE FIRST.
22:33AND THAT'S THE BAD ONE?
22:34OKAY, GREAT.
22:36WELL, THIS IS THE LAST FIRST TRAFF.
22:38I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU.
22:39IT'S BEEN FUN.
22:39THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BE A PART OF THIS.
22:45ALL RIGHT.
22:47AND I ALSO WANT TO SAY.
22:48WHAT?
22:49WHAT?
22:49I ALSO WANT TO SAY YOU HAVE THE MOST INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL STAFF.
22:53THEY'RE SO NICE TO ME.
22:54I LOVE THEM.
22:56THERE YOU GO, BABY.
22:57THERE YOU GO.
22:58ALL RIGHT.
22:58HERE'S A FUN ONE.
22:59IT SAYS, MOM, CHAOFUR, TUTOR, NURSE, THERAPIST, CHEERLEADER, SHORT ORDER COOK, ADMINISTRATOR, ACCOUNTANT.
23:11BEING A MOM IS A BIG JOB.
23:14THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO.
23:15OH, GOD.
23:16THAT MAKES ME CRY.
23:17THAT'S A GREAT ONE.
23:18THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
23:19FOR THE FIRST TRAFF SAID, MOM, CHAOFUR, TUTOR, NURSE, THERAPIST, CHEERLEADER, SHORT ORDER COOK, ADMINISTRATOR, ACCOUNTANT.
23:28JUST TELL ME WHICH ONE IS MY DAD.
23:33EMMY MCGEE, EVERYBODY.
23:35HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, DARLY.
24:01HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, DARLY.
24:06HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, DARLY.
24:13HEY, EVERYBODY.
24:14WELCOME BACK.
24:15THANK YOU, FRIENDS.
24:21LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE LEGENDARY OSCAR AND EMMY AWARD-WINNING
24:25ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM FORREST GUMPS, STEEL MAGNOIA'S, MISSES DOUBT FIRE, AND SO MUCH MORE.
24:31SHE NOW STARS IN REMARKABLY BRIGHT CREATURES.
24:34YOU CAN'T JUST READ PEOPLE'S TEXT MESSAGES.
24:37IS THAT AVERY FROM THE PADDLE BOARD SHOP?
24:40YES, YEAH.
24:41ARE THE TWO OF YOU DATING?
24:43NO, NO.
24:44WE'RE JUST, WE'RE TEXTING.
24:45I MEAN, BARELY.
24:46JUST I'M PLAYING IT COOL.
24:49WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
24:50HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO RESPOND?
24:52I DON'T WANT YOU TO RESPOND.
24:53I'M GOING TO TEXT HER TOMORROW.
24:54PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
24:55WHAT?
24:56IF YOU HAVE ANY HOPE OF EVER DATING SOMEONE LIKE AVERY, YOU HAVE TO TAKE HER SERIOUS.
25:01I DO TAKE HER SERIOUSLY.
25:03IT'S CALLED FLIRTING.
25:04I'M FLIRTING.
25:04WHAT IS FLIRTING?
25:05FLIRTING IS NOTHING.
25:06IT'S WORDS AND EYES.
25:08EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS TAKES TIME AND EFFORT.
25:16OKAY.
25:16OKAY.
25:18WHAT IS THAT?
25:19WHAT?
25:20WHAT IS THAT?
25:20WHAT?
25:21YOU'RE CALLING HER.
25:23NO, I'M NOT.
25:25YOU'RE...TOVA, HANG UP THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.
25:26I DIDN'T CALL HER.
25:27YES, YOU'RE CALLING HER RIGHT NOW.
25:28I DID NOT.
25:28OH, IT'S TOVA.
25:30NO, NO.
25:31HELLO, AVERY.
25:33YES, DID I CALL YOU OR DID YOU CALL ME?
25:36PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, SALLY FIELD.
25:39NON G-
25:41TAKE A LOAD OFF SHOWING.
25:44TAKE A LOAD OFF SHOWING.
25:46Yeah, take the load off Sally
25:54Yeah, put the load right on me
26:29Sally Field. Yeah, so wonderful to see you again. So good to see you again. Since the last time I
26:35saw you
26:35Yeah, you you received the the SAG lifetime achievement award. Oh, yeah. Yeah
26:42You said something. You said something that struck me when I read it. You said in the speech, quote, acting
26:48to me is about finding those precious moments when I feel totally, utterly, sometimes dangerously alive. Uh-huh. I love
26:57that idea. Can you tell me about a time early on when you were hooked by that feeling about being
27:05dangerously alive?
27:08Well, yeah. Um, I was born in 1946, just to name names here. Okay. And, um, so I was raised
27:16in the 50s and little girls in the 50s weren't allowed to feel anything or do it. They just sit
27:21and be like this, you know, and you couldn't, you know, you'd have to sit with your legs like this
27:25and you'd be really nice and good. Except I wasn't like that inside. I wasn't like that inside at all.
27:31I was filled with all sorts of things that were not acceptable whatsoever.
27:35And then I found the stage when I was 12 in the seventh grade. And I, it was a scene.
27:41I wasn't right for the scene, but he did it. And for the first time, I could finally hear my
27:45own voice. I could hear my own voice and I could be all the things I really was. I could
27:51be mean. I could be angry. I could do really awful things to people.
27:58This sounds like the origin story of a serial killer or a great actress or a fine line.
28:05If I hadn't found the stage, that might've been me.
28:09It reminds me of this great quote. I think it's from, uh, I think it's from Carl Wallenda, which is
28:13to be on the wire is life. All else is waiting.
28:16Oh, how great. How great. How great. Yeah.
28:20Yeah. Or leap after leap in the dark. Right. Right.
28:22So let's talk about some of these leap. You, you also described screenplays. Sometimes you've read screenplays in your past.
28:28So good that my hands shook the first time I read them.
28:32Yeah. What made your hands shake? Give me some examples.
28:36Well, gosh. Well, first one that my hands shook was Sybil. First time I read Sybil.
28:42I mean, I mean, I'm like,
28:44And, and is it like, Oh, this is so good. This dialogue is so good. Or, Oh, look at the
28:48challenge that I have ahead of me.
28:50It, it was that I didn't have it yet.
28:52Oh. And damn, I was going to get it.
28:56Wow.
28:57Yeah. And so it was just the, the, the magnitude of this, of this craft that I had in my
29:03hands. I, I was going to get this or die trying. And, um, luckily I, I got it and got
29:10to keep going. Otherwise, who knows?
29:14The, speaking of, speaking of your great filmography, here, here's the, here you are with Robin Williams, uh, Mrs. Doubtfire.
29:23Was it, was he always cracking people up on set? Yeah, he was. Everybody would, everybody would laugh.
29:30Everybody would, like, break in a scene? Yeah, but me. I, it, it drove, it drove him mad, actually, because
29:38I, I would never laugh. Ever. And everybody else was laughing and caring.
29:42You were too professional for that. I would, it didn't, it wasn't funny.
29:49I would just, it just wasn't funny. You stand your crown.
29:53And then once, we were at the tail end of the picture, and Robin was always trying something different to
29:58make me laugh. It was so unfunny, I can't begin to tell you.
30:01And then Pierce, wonderful Pierce Brosnan, we were sitting at the, the table at the restaurant, and he made a
30:09fart noise on his arm, and I was gone. That was it.
30:13That was it.
30:14How did Robin take that?
30:15He said, that's all it took?
30:21I mean, I had to leave for a minute. I laughed so hard, they had to redo my makeup.
30:26Wow. Wow. I love it.
30:28Yeah.
30:29We have to take a quick break, Sally.
30:31Okay.
30:31But don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with more Sally Field, everybody.
30:41Hey, you know who that is, everybody? That right there. That's it, lady.
30:46That's Gidget. That's Sally Field.
30:49It is. It is.
30:51Now, you won your first Oscar in 1980, Norma Rae.
30:56Um, 1980. 1980.
30:591980. Okay. And that's about a mill worker who organizes the other factory workers.
31:04Haven't you seen it?
31:04Of course I have. I'm telling them.
31:05I'm reminding everybody. Yeah. Union. Union.
31:09Yes, that's it. That's it. It's actually relevant to today, just standing up, you know?
31:14Did that movie, like, awakening you some sort of, I know the activism is still engaged in today.
31:20Stand up.
31:21Did that inform that?
31:22Be heard.
31:23Yeah.
31:23Whatever it takes. Get out on the streets.
31:25Be heard. It's the first of many, you know?
31:28Right.
31:30The freedom of speech, the freedom of the press.
31:34Yeah. Freedom to practice religion or freedom thereof from it.
31:37Or peacefully assemble without fear of persecution or prosecution or retribution.
31:44You've heard of all those things.
31:46We first, many people first got to know you.
31:51Oh, my God.
31:53Gidget.
31:53Gidget. Okay.
31:56Now, forgive me.
31:58Yeah.
31:59This is my Sally Field blind spot.
32:01What?
32:01I've never seen Gidget.
32:03What?
32:03But I know all about Gidget.
32:05I've seen the photos.
32:06A doorbell is what you were.
32:08What?
32:08Tell me who Gidget was.
32:10Oh, for goodness sakes.
32:13What planet have you been on?
32:14Did she fight crime?
32:15What did Gidget do?
32:15Yes.
32:16She was a crime fighter.
32:18Yes.
32:18Well, in a way, she was kind of a tomboy because all the other girls were like, va-va-boom,
32:23tall, and she just wasn't.
32:25So she learned to surf with the boys because they let her in.
32:28Did you have to learn to surf?
32:30In a way, yes.
32:32I had to go out all the time with this kind of semi-cute guy.
32:35He's probably still alive, and I don't want to say he was just semi-cute.
32:38He was just gorgeous.
32:41It's all right.
32:42You can say his name, Kurt Russell.
32:45Oh, that it were.
32:46That would have been fine.
32:47Yeah.
32:47Now, you're now starring in the new film, Remarkably Bright Creatures.
32:51I am, yep.
32:52Based on the best-selling book, what was it like to work alongside your co-star?
32:56Here we go.
32:57Your co-star is Marcellus the Octopus.
33:01Yep.
33:01Right there.
33:02Yep.
33:02Tell me about your relationship with...
33:08Honestly, I think Marcellus was one of the best leading men I have ever worked with.
33:14Yep.
33:15Yep.
33:16Truly, truly, truly.
33:18Yes.
33:18He was there sometimes, but lots of them.
33:22What?
33:22Lots of them I've worked with were only there periodically, even though they were there all the time.
33:28Yes.
33:28Yeah.
33:29And he was, you know, it's a great, it's a lovely, lovely story.
33:34Something we need right now about healing and love and family and our profound connection to creatures.
33:43Humans have a profound connection to creatures.
33:47You have a profound connection to a creature.
33:49Tell me about this creature right here.
33:51Oh, God.
33:51Who's this fellow?
33:52I didn't know you would do that.
33:53Yeah.
33:54Who's that?
33:55Okay.
33:56So, in 2019, I had been just working a lot.
34:00I wanted to go home.
34:01I wanted to go home.
34:02I wanted to go home.
34:02I wanted to go home, something I guess you'll be doing a lot of.
34:05Sorry, I just had to say that.
34:07Yeah.
34:07Didn't want to bring that up.
34:08Evie's really worried.
34:09I know.
34:09But, you know, I could come over.
34:10I'll do anything.
34:11I'll wash your car.
34:12Oh, that'd be fun.
34:13Just give me a call.
34:13I'll be there.
34:14Will you listen to my stories and pretend you haven't heard them before?
34:17I will.
34:17I will.
34:18I will.
34:18I promise I will.
34:19Great.
34:19Great.
34:20Great.
34:20Anyway, so, I wanted to go.
34:22And I was still not at a home.
34:24I was at D.C. where I had to do some events and things.
34:27And I just went online and found this lady who breathes these little puppies.
34:33So, two months later, because he was a little newborn baby then, two months later, I drove out to Bakersfield
34:39and got this little, it was eight weeks old.
34:42He weighed six pounds.
34:43And drove them home, and three weeks later, we were in shutdown with the COVID.
34:49Oh.
34:50Yeah.
34:51So, it was.
34:52That's bonding time.
34:52Yeah, that's bonding time.
34:54So, it was just he and I for months and months.
34:57My grandkids would drive by and wave, hi, Grammy, because nobody, I was older.
35:02Nobody could come in or get near me except him.
35:05And that's bonding.
35:06And I'd never had a real connection with a creature.
35:10Tell me again, what's his name?
35:12His name is Dashiell Hammett.
35:14He's a crime fighter.
35:16I get you.
35:18Yeah.
35:24Sally.
35:25Yeah.
35:25How delightful to see you again.
35:27Thank you so much for being here.
35:28Absolutely.
35:29I've so enjoyed talking to you over the years.
35:32More to come.
35:33More to come.
35:34Wherever you go, I will follow.
35:35I'll follow you, too.
35:37Remarkably Bright Creatures is on Netflix this Friday.
35:40It's Sally Field, everybody.
35:42We'll be right back with a performance by Chris Stapleton.
35:50And now, performing Willie Nelson's Living in the Promised Land with Mickey Raphael.
35:56Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Stapleton.
36:02Give us your tired wings
36:05And we will make them strong
36:09Bring us your foreign songs
36:12And we will sing along
36:16Leave us your broken dreams
36:20Give them time to mend
36:23There's still a lot of love
36:27Living in the Promised Land
36:30Living in the Promised Land
36:34Our dreams are made of steam
36:36Our dreams are made of steam
36:37The prayer of every man
36:40It's to know how freedom feels
36:43There is a winding road
36:49Across the shifting sand
36:51Room for everyone
36:55Living in the Promised Land
37:00So they came from a distant hour
37:03Nameless woman
37:05Faithless child
37:06Like a bad dream
37:11Till there was no room
37:12No place to run
37:16No place to fall
37:23Give us your daily bread
37:27We have no shoes to wear
37:30No place to call our own
37:33Only this cross to bear
37:36We have a multitude
37:39To lend us a helping hand
37:43Is there no love anymore
37:47Living in the Promised Land
38:00If death is no way
38:01We have no excuses
38:02But we are not
38:08cooperating
38:11In the Chinese
38:11We live in a tandem
38:14We have no時間
38:14We are not助
38:15peak We
38:15have a fid 물� There
38:15is no hope We
38:17are not
38:20Living in the promised land
38:23Our dreams are made of steam
38:27The prayer of every name
38:29Is to know how freedom feeds
38:32There is a whining
38:38Across the shifting sand
38:41Room for everyone
38:44Living in the promised land
38:47Room for everyone
38:51Living in the promised land
39:44Thank you, Mickey.
39:44And you're a gift to the world.
39:45I thank you very much.
39:46Cheers.
39:47I will pass that on to the people who deserve it.
39:51Thank you, Mickey.
39:53Chris Stapleton, everybody.
40:03Hey, that's it for The Late Show, everybody.
40:05Tune in tomorrow.
40:06My guest will be John Kaczynski.
40:08Good night.
40:09Good night.
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