00:00From Jay Leno, no way! You got a question from Jay Leno?
00:05I tell you, when I got this gig, Jay Leno called me right away.
00:08And Jay goes, yeah, you got the Pope job.
00:12You got the chance he is dead.
00:14You were wrong on that one, Jay.
00:26Hi, I'm Stephen Colbert, and I've been handed a stack of questions.
00:29I've been told are from my fellow hosts.
00:33Can I just roll into these? Here we go.
00:35Alright, from Jay Leno.
00:36As a road comic, I've always enjoyed live audiences.
00:39Have you ever thought about a road version of your best jokes for a live audience?
00:44Still waiting for the best jokes, Jay.
00:46I think that's a great idea, Jay.
00:48Please send me a list of what my best jokes have been.
00:51And let's hit the road together.
00:54You drive.
00:58From James Corden.
00:59How are things at CBS?
01:01Should I come back?
01:02100%, James.
01:04100%.
01:05Hold on, let me see what Corden actually asked.
01:07What have you been doing to mentally and emotionally prepare for your daily life after the show?
01:12Trevor and I can send a Zoom link if you need.
01:14Good question.
01:15I don't know about you guys, but there's no, I don't think there's any prepping for it.
01:18Look, I try not to make eye contact with the people in the building too much.
01:22I've always discouraged it.
01:24But now I'm really being a hard ass about it.
01:26Don't look in the eye because I'm a weeper.
01:29And I like the show a lot, but I love the people I work with.
01:33And that's going to be hard.
01:34And they're so physically attractive.
01:49From Trevor Noah, is there anything you were never able to do because you had a late night show and
01:55do yourself, do you see yourself doing it now?
01:58Exercising.
01:59That's what I would like to do.
02:00I think my wife has waited long enough.
02:02It's time for abs.
02:04Okay, honey?
02:05I want to be swole.
02:06You're not even going to recognize me.
02:07I'm going to be ripped.
02:09You're going to be able to bounce a quarter off my ass and get back two dimes and a nickel.
02:13Alright?
02:14Brace yourself.
02:15It's finally happening.
02:16Okay, from Conan O'Brien, just who the hell do you think you are?
02:21Sometimes I wish I was Conan O'Brien.
02:24Because I've never been able to dunk.
02:26I think I'm Conan O'Brien's friend.
02:28That's what I think.
02:29It's hard to tell from this question, but I think I'm Conan O'Brien's friend.
02:32I think I'm Conan O'Brien's best friend, actually.
02:35Is that possible?
02:37That I'm his best friend?
02:47Jon Stewart, how do you know when the fudge is done?
02:49Okay, this is very important.
02:50If you are making what I consider fudge, not that stuff that's kind of like a thick tar you buy
02:56like down on the shore.
02:57You know, I don't know why fudge is associated with vacations.
02:58My mom could not cook really.
02:59It's awful.
03:00But she could make fudge.
03:02I don't know where she learned to do that.
03:04You know when the fudge is done.
03:05You know when the fudge is done.
03:05You have a candy thermometer.
03:06You have your spoon back and forth through the fudge.
03:09I would say, how much butter do you put it?
03:10She was like about the size of a medium cake.
03:12It's a firm ball.
03:13It's a soft ball.
03:13And obviously, what's the difference between a soft ball and a firm ball?
03:19And that's fudge.
03:21That's fudge.
03:22From Jimmy Kimmel,
03:24Is it true that hospitals are sometimes forced to send patients who are too obese for their MRI CT machines
03:31to be scanned at the zoo?
03:33Okay, sometime, once.
03:35It happened once.
03:36But then after that I got the shot.
03:39And I don't have to go to the zoo for my CT scan anymore.
03:49From Jimmy Fallon,
03:51You've had the best seats in the house for over 10 years.
03:54What's the one musical performance on your show that you and the crew still talk about?
03:58I mean, we just recently had Hosier and Lake Street Dive do Joe Cocker's Woodstock version of With Little Help
04:06From My Friends.
04:07That's pretty fantastic.
04:09God, Moses Sumney was amazing.
04:11Anderson Paak wasn't happening yet.
04:13We had him on.
04:14I think we might have been the first show he was on.
04:15He was incredible.
04:17Roger Waters did a medley from The Wall back when it was still cool to have Roger Waters on.
04:22And it was cool, man.
04:25Joe Walsh.
04:26Just like, hey man, I want to come on.
04:28Like Joe Fantastic Walsh.
04:29Joe Walsh doing Rocky Mountain Way burned this theater to the ground.
04:33The damn Doobie Brothers.
04:36Absolutely.
04:37Just structural damage to this building.
04:39From Seth Meyers.
04:41What's an answer a guest gave that will stay with you the longest?
04:45Oh, there have been so many.
04:47We did a thing called the Colbert Questionnaire.
04:49And that came about because I interviewed Keanu Reeves one night.
04:52And out of nowhere, I don't know why, I just asked him, what do you think happens when we die?
04:58And he paused in that way only Keanu can and he said something beautiful actually.
05:04He said, I know that the ones who love us will miss us.
05:18Deceptively simple because it blew up.
05:21I mean, it was one of the most watched clips we've ever had on YouTube.
05:25And we went, oh wait, let's ask that question of everybody.
05:28And then we built the Colbert Questionnaire around it.
05:30So that would be one.
05:31Another one is I interviewed Ambassador Andrew Young in 1969.
05:36My father had just begun running a hospital in South Carolina,
05:40the Medical University of South Carolina.
05:42And there was a strike.
05:44The hospital workers went on a strike.
05:46And there was this young guy who was working with Ralph Abernathy
05:50who had come down, this was a year after Dr. King had been killed.
05:53And Ralph Abernathy came to Charleston with Coretta Scott King
05:56and they had this young guy who was working with him named Andrew Young.
06:00And the president of the university was from South Africa
06:03and just would not talk to any of the black strikers.
06:06And my father was down, he had worked with, I think it was 1199,
06:09the hospital workers union up here at Bellevue.
06:12And my father said, I can talk to the unions.
06:15And so Andrew Young and my father settled that strike.
06:20And when the strike came in 2007 and 2008, I was, I didn't know what to do.
06:24It was my first experience with that. It was a bad situation.
06:27And my brother Ed said, well, why don't you call Andrew Young?
06:29So I had Andrew Young on and he said to me things about my father I didn't know
06:35because he died when I was 10.
06:37And he said, your father understood to always keep talking
06:40because if you're talking, there's hope.
06:43I'll never forget that.
06:45And then the last night of the Colbert Report,
06:48Andrew Young was invited to be, we had 70 guests.
06:51He was one of the guests.
06:51And he walked in with his cane and his booming voice
06:54and he walked in and he says, I am here representing Stephen's father.
06:59Isn't that lovely?
07:00And I said, somebody should.
07:02At next time pessoal.
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