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#video #Taskmaster - Season 21 Episode 4 - Lou Reed and the Wombles
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TVTranscript
00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:36I sweat I sweat when I eat I sweat when I sunbathe I sweat when I you know when I
00:42sweat
00:44But most important of all I sweat the small stuff the decisions that will make or break the spirits of
00:50a comedian
00:50So put some more water on the sauna coals and bring me some lemons because things are about to get
00:57hot
01:00Please welcome Amy Gledhill
01:18He told me recently in confidence that whenever he walks a dog in his local neighborhood
01:22He never cleans up her poo and I quote him. What do I care if people get poppy shoes?
01:27They should watch where they're walking
01:44Okay for a little team bonding activity up for that. Yeah, just drink it how I drink it ready. Yep.
01:50Here we go. Hit it
02:02I
02:16At the end of this past the end of that bit
02:19Every cell in my body wants to chuck this in your face. Oh, I sort of want you to as
02:25well
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12:15I'm finally out with a bang categorizing Joey and the Blackbird gang. I hope you've enjoyed this attempt to sell
12:22categorization of books that isn't due decimal
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18:09Hey, baby boy, what's the scores?
18:11Well, she was winning the series, but she's losing the episode. Amy's in last place. He was losing the series,
18:16but he's winning the episode. Joel's in first place with ten points
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22:42You have to eat it and then I'll stop the clock
22:44I'm gonna eat it together because fuck you
22:52That was so much worse than I was ready for
23:00That's a spicy boy. Do you want to stop the clock? Yeah, stop the goddamn clock
23:08I
23:08Yeah
23:11My brother ended beautifully with the two quotes
23:14Oh, it's a spicy boy
23:16And I'm going to eat them together because fuck you
23:19Yeah
23:22Do you want me to tell you who was the slowest?
23:24Yes. The slowest
23:26Just was Kamel
23:2735 minutes 56 seconds
23:3035 minutes I did that
23:32And 56 seconds and weirdly you've done it pretty well
23:36Oh
23:39Amy asked twice as many questions as you but she asked a question every 11 seconds
23:4533 minutes and 25 seconds
23:48Wow
23:49Well now for two super switched on guys there are Mando and Joel
23:55Is it?
23:57Is it meat?
23:58Is it bird based?
23:59It is yes
24:02Is it an egg?
24:03No
24:04Wait, wait, what did you say no to?
24:06Wait, what did you say?
24:07Wait, wait, wait, wait
24:08What did I ask?
24:09Have you ever thought about simplifying the rules?
24:11Yes cabbage
24:16Is it chips?
24:18Yes
24:19What was my last one?
24:20Yes it's chips
24:21Is that a question?
24:23Is it trifles?
24:24Yes
24:24Is it ice cream?
24:26Nothing to do with trifles
24:28Is trifle then?
24:30No similarities
24:35What?
24:36Put it back on
24:36You still don't know exactly what it is
24:39Keep going
24:39Do you enjoy them with vinegar?
24:44Yes, it's chips still
24:46It's chips
24:48Yes
24:51No, what are you doing?
24:52Oh, what?
24:54I thought I was supposed to say what it was in an opelish
24:57You have seen it now
24:58No, I haven't
25:00Will this stop if I
25:10Is it custard?
25:11No, if you stab your eye with a fork we'll carry on
25:20Oh
25:42No
25:43Oh
25:43God
25:46Even custard in one bowl and mustard in another bowl
25:50Yes
25:57It's custard and mustard
25:59Is this a flour?
26:00No, it's definitely not
26:02Oh, so
26:02So that's yes
26:03So it's mustard and custard
26:04You can now open the cloche and eat it
26:09I've stopped the clock
26:14I think I need to like seriously go back to school or something
26:25What I don't understand was it got harder after I'd seen it
26:30That's the bit
26:31That's the bit
26:32You were both quicker than the outside too
26:34But they looked at the food
26:36Yeah
26:36Exactly, yeah
26:37Armando looked at it after 10 minutes and got it right after 21
26:43Joel looked after 6 minutes and got it right after 26 and a half minutes
26:48Neither of them got it right and then they both looked again to get it right
26:52So they get nothing?
26:53I imagine so
26:54Yeah
26:55Time for a break
26:56Put that phone down
26:57No doom scrolling
26:58Stand up, stretch your legs
26:59Go into the garden and shout
27:00I am alive
27:01Into the night sky
27:02I mean it
27:03Do it now
27:14Hello!
27:16Yes, it's part 3 and it's an incredibly irritating Tuscan play
27:19All the contestants have to do is work out what food is under the cloche
27:23Whereas I have to answer their previous question incorrectly
27:26Hashtag hard for horn
27:27And
27:30There's just one person left
27:33It's the final page
27:35It's Joanna
27:36Right, there's got
27:37I can lift it and see how heavy it is
27:39Oh, it's very light
27:42I can smell it
27:44I can smell it
27:46I can smell it
27:46It's savoury
27:47Is it savoury?
27:48Is it sweet?
27:50No
27:51Yes, it's savoury
27:56I don't like it
27:57It's not that nice
27:58Is it runny?
27:59Yes
27:59Is it hot?
28:01Oh, no
28:05No
28:07Well that means it's half and half then
28:09Is it?
28:10Is it?
28:11Is it?
28:13Yellow
28:13Yes
28:15Is it cheese?
28:16No
28:17What the hell is yellow and runny?
28:19Is it custard?
28:21Yes
28:21Baked beans
28:22No
28:23Don't lift up the cloche
28:24It's custard
28:25It's custard
28:26But there's some other thing with it
28:29Which is savoury
28:29But it smells
28:31It smells horrible
28:32It smells of a bit like salad cream
28:35I'm just going to say some things
28:36You're right, it's mustard or something
28:38You just said something
28:41I've been saying custard
28:43And you just said mustard
28:45I'm making a guess
28:47It's custard and mustard
28:50You may open the cloche
28:53I think you managed to stack them
28:56God, it stinks
28:58Will you hold my nose for me please?
29:00I'd love to
29:01OK
29:01Got it
29:02OK, one, two, three, go
29:04Oh my god
29:04Oh my god, it rolled them up
29:05Oh my god, it did
29:07I'm starting with that
29:08I'll start with that
29:10Oh
29:16Yeah, I mean, let's say it as it is
29:19Someone fucked up
29:20He sabotaged it
29:22I was doing so well
29:23No, he gave you the answer
29:25He didn't sabotage you
29:26Yeah
29:27The shaking system was good
29:28Mm-hm
29:28Yeah, the shaking was a good strategy
29:30You know what was a better strategy?
29:31Having you tell her the answer
29:32Right, right, right
29:34I mean, we're going to have to allow it
29:37Because it's his mistake, not Joanna's
29:39Mm-hm
29:39But how did she do?
29:41She won, she did really well
29:42Well done, Joanna
29:43Yeah
29:43Of course she did
29:49Armando and Joel both cheated
29:51Very naughty boys
29:52So zero points each
29:53Three to Kamel
29:54Four to Amy
29:55And five to Joanna Payne
29:56Ooh
29:59Difficult choice, isn't it?
30:00Difficult choice
30:00Yeah, yeah
30:01All you had to do was ask one question
30:03Yeah
30:04Because I had to answer
30:05Every question incorrectly
30:06If you'd asked me what wasn't under the cloche
30:08I would have told you there was mustard and custard
30:12Done
30:13Done
30:14Doesn't matter
30:14Alex
30:14Of course
30:17Alex, you must fuck yourself
30:19LAUGHTER
30:21On that, on that
30:23APPLAUSE
30:24Oh my God
30:28Let's task again
30:29Like we did last summer
30:30But for now
30:31We're back in the lab
30:32And it's everyone's favourite type of test
30:34Multiple choice
30:46Alex
30:48Hello there
30:51OK
30:54Oh, jeez
30:55Phil did that one
30:56Two tasks
30:58Pardon?
31:01Oh, three tasks
31:03LAUGHTER
31:05If you opened this task first
31:07You must pop the balloon
31:08Then open another task
31:10Am I allowed to open this?
31:11Because I...
31:12You've got...
31:12You've got a choice of three to open
31:14If you open this task first
31:16You must spin 360 degrees
31:19Ten times
31:20Then open another task
31:21Well, I'm not going to do that
31:22If you open this task first
31:23You must completely cover
31:26The balloon in tin foil
31:28Then open another task
31:30What are you thinking?
31:32I'm...
31:33I'm...
31:34I'm...
31:34I'm not really
31:35LAUGHTER
31:36I think I've...
31:38Er...
31:38Realised that's not really my vibe
31:42APPLAUSE
31:44Let's see if we can do some stuff, you
31:46OK, well
31:47First, just like my third favourite battery
31:49It's double A
31:50Armando and Amy
31:51And just so you know
31:52My second favourite battery is a C
31:54Because they're manly
31:54And my favourite is a triple A
31:55Because they're cute
31:56Here we go
31:57Yeah, I'm going to do the balloon first
32:00Complete all three tasks
32:02Fastest wins
32:02And you must inflect your voice
32:04At the end of every sentence you say
32:06Fastest wins
32:07And you must end every sentence
32:08With the word mate
32:09Your time starts now
32:11Mate
32:12If you open this task first
32:14You must pop the balloon
32:15Then open another task, mate
32:17Pop the balloon
32:18And then open another task
32:19Ta... ta...
32:20Open another task
32:21I'm scared of popping balloons, mate
32:23Oh, right
32:24Wee!
32:25WHISTLE BLOWS
32:26Mate!
32:27Oh!
32:30Mate
32:32If you open this task second
32:34You must put the tin foil and all the dice in the jar
32:37Seal the jar, then open another task
32:40OK, mate
32:43Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
32:45I've not quite got the inflection
32:46I've not quite got the inflection
32:53Two tasks done
32:54Two tasks done
32:54Two tasks done
32:55Two tasks done
32:57If you open this task third
32:59You must eat a yellow sweet
33:00Then you are finished, mate
33:02A yellow sweet, then you're finished
33:05A yellow sweet, then you're finished
33:06Oh, you fucker, mate
33:09Is it one of these dyes?
33:12Probably would be, wouldn't it?
33:13Hang on, I'll do this a bit more carefully
33:20That was aggressive
33:21Sorry about that, mate
33:22Yeah
33:23Does it look like a yellow dice?
33:27Dice?
33:28Dice is nice
33:31Oh!
33:33Oh!
33:34Oh!
33:36Oh!
33:37Oh!
33:38OK
33:38I have to eat the whole thing
33:40Yeah, don't choke
33:40Don't choke
33:41OK, mate
33:43I'm just going to look for a yellow sweet
33:46Mm-hmm
33:47Mm-hmm
33:51Stop the talk, mate
33:52That's right
33:56Where did you go?
33:57Uh, I can't remember
33:59But the good news is
34:00I found a yellow sweet
34:02So, uh, I'll just
34:03I'll just eat that
34:07Where did you find it?
34:10Wrapped round a banana
34:13Stop the talk?
34:14Thank you
34:14HE LAUGHS
34:17HE LAUGHS
34:22I thought, until you found the sweet, Amy
34:25I thought we'd finally broken you
34:28There was one mate that I said, not in my accent
34:30And that's when I knew I was angry
34:32Because I said, mate
34:34What did Armando eat at the end?
34:37HE LAUGHS
34:37It was a yellow sweet
34:38I mean...
34:39Well, you said it was previously wrapped around a banana
34:41It was...
34:41It was banana skin
34:42Banana flavoured the yellow
34:43It scrapped the banana skin off
34:45And tried to pass it off as a sweet
34:46Wait, so that was not a sweet?
34:49It looked like a sweet, didn't it?
34:51Yeah
34:51Well, what was it?
34:52It was a sweet
34:53It was banana skin
34:55It was banana skin
34:56Why did you not take a piece of the actual banana?
34:59Yeah
34:59HE LAUGHS
35:02Oh, this is the only non-edible part
35:05I'll tell you this
35:06You could make an argument that I should disqualify him for that
35:09But I'm not going to
35:10Because the whole thing broke my heart
35:12HE LAUGHS
35:16Two more?
35:17Two more!
35:17And now it's two stars from the 2020 film Doolittle
35:21It is Joanna and Kumail who are both in Doolittle
35:23What?
35:25HE LAUGHS
35:26I'm going to just do this
35:27Fine, yeah
35:28Complete all three tasks, fastest wins
35:31And you must say
35:32I am Kumail Nanjiani at the end of every sentence
35:35That comes very naturally to me
35:36I'm Kumail Nanjiani
35:38And you must exhale and shake your head
35:41At the end of every sentence you say
35:44Your time starts now
35:45If you open this task first
35:49You must spin 360 degrees ten times
35:51Then open another task
35:52You must completely cover the balloon in tinfoil
35:55Then open another task
35:56I'm Kumail Nanjiani
35:57One
35:59Two
36:00Three
36:00Four
36:04Cool
36:05One done
36:06I'm Kumail Nanjiani
36:08Three
36:08Ten
36:09I'm impressed
36:11Okay, I'm going to go for this one
36:13If you open this task second
36:16You must spin 360 degrees twenty times
36:19Then open another task
36:20I'm Kumail Nanjiani
36:22If you open this task second
36:23You must put the tinfoil
36:27And all the dice
36:28In the jar
36:30Oh my god
36:31I'm assuming
36:32Ah!
36:33Ah!
36:34Ah!
36:37One
36:40Two
36:40Three
36:41Four
36:41Five
36:42Ah!
36:43And I just found a sweet
36:43But it didn't say to put the sweets in
36:45So I'm keeping that
36:46Because I probably need that for later on
36:51I'm Kumail Nanjiani
36:53I'm Kumail Nanjiani
36:55I'm Kumail Nanjiani
36:58Right
36:59All right
36:59If you open this task third
37:01You must wrap the yellow sweet
37:03In the tin foil
37:05Then you are finished
37:08You must eat a yellow sweet
37:10Then you are finished
37:12I'm Kumail Nanjiani
37:15Oh, that's not a yellow sweet is it
37:18I'm Kumail Nanjiani
37:19It's a pink sweet, right?
37:22Right
37:22So I'm gonna suck this one
37:24Because it might be a changing one
37:28Where's the sweet?
37:30There's a sweet somewhere
37:31But where?
37:34Where is it?
37:42Even an idiot would have to agree
37:44That's a yellow sweet
37:45I'm Kumail Nanjiani
37:47This is weird
37:52Right
37:54I'm gonna take this apart
37:56Oh my god
37:57I'm sorry
37:58I'm quite astounded
37:59By my own thinking
38:00I am absolutely
38:02In utterly chuffed
38:03After the clock
38:04Flipping it
38:05I'm chuffed
38:06I'm chuffed
38:07I'm chuffed
38:12I'm chuffed
38:14That sort of mood
38:14Joanna was in
38:15At the end of that
38:16Yeah
38:17It was utter relief
38:18Yeah
38:19I think I went in like
38:20Cameraman's pockets
38:22And stuff
38:22I was searching like
38:23Everyone
38:25Kumail
38:26Greg
38:26Were you asked to
38:28Say your name
38:28In the style of
38:29Roger Moore
38:31I can't help it
38:32I'm Kumail Nanjiani
38:35OK
38:35Time for the final ad break
38:37Today's episode
38:38Will end with
38:39Somebody celebrating
38:40On stage
38:40With a jammy kebab
38:42And a prosthetic tongue
38:43Oh
38:44I love jam
38:45He does
38:46He loves jam
38:46See you in a bit
38:57Hello
38:59It's the final part of the show
39:01And we need to finish
39:02What we started in the lab
39:03Our guys
39:05Had to complete
39:05Three tasks
39:06Which they could tackle
39:07In whichever order they liked
39:08One person left
39:09He's part man
39:10He's part egg
39:11He's Joel
39:12Domlet
39:17Complete all three tasks
39:19Fastest wins
39:20And you must repeat
39:21The last two words
39:22Of every sentence
39:22You say
39:23You say
39:24Your time starts now
39:25Starts now
39:26Must pop the balloon
39:27Then open another task
39:29Another task
39:39Red sweet
39:40Red sweet
39:41Red sweet
39:42Is there a red sweet in here?
39:44You're looking for a red sweet
39:45I'm looking for a red sweet
39:46Red sweet
39:47Red sweet
40:02That nice
40:04Mmm
40:04Mmm
40:05Because of the thing
40:06You've done two tasks
40:07Yeah
40:07Can't wait for that waxy poop
40:09If you open this task third
40:11You must spin 360 degrees
40:13Thirty times
40:14Then you are finished
40:15Yes
40:15I love this stuff
40:16Here we go
40:20I've just seen the red suite.
40:291, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 12, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 16, 17,
40:3917, 18, 19, 20, 20, 20, 20.
40:4120, 21, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20.
40:43I can't stop. I can't stop.
40:52You started so fast.
40:54I know.
41:00Look, this episode, I think we've learnt there's a lot of things I'm not good at.
41:06And spinning, I'm good at that.
41:08You were really good at it. I mean, you were so good, you'd spun more than 30 times.
41:12But did you have to say the last two words for the whole thing?
41:15He was meant to, you're right, Camaro, and after eating the wax seal,
41:18he stopped saying the end of the sentence again.
41:21But I imagine Greg didn't mind because he liked the spinning so much.
41:24I'll just check in. He just...
41:25Do you mind about him not repeating the word for you?
41:27I don't mind because he spun so many times.
41:30I thought that was a catch.
41:31So it doesn't matter if you do the task or not?
41:34Not really. OK.
41:36LAUGHTER
41:38Here are the scores.
41:40Joanna, you were actually the slowest.
41:4111 minutes 30, so it's one point for you.
41:43Armando next, 9 minutes 12, including banana skin.
41:47LAUGHTER
41:48We'll allow it.
41:50Amy gets three points, 6 minutes 5 seconds,
41:52so it's between Kamel and Joel.
41:55One of you took 5 minutes 40, the other 4 minutes 57.
42:01Kamel gets 4 points in second place.
42:02Joel, you get 5 points.
42:054 minutes 57.
42:06Kamel gets 4 points in second place.
42:09Well done, Joel Thomas.
42:12APPLAUSE
42:17That does seem grossly unfair.
42:20LAUGHTER
42:21Please make you wait to the stage for the final task of the show!
42:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:42Be the first to communicate the item to your team.
42:47You must not make any noise.
42:49You must use your pencil and ball and you must stare at both throughout.
42:55You must stay on your spot at all times.
42:58Best team of communicators after 5 rounds wins.
43:03Fantastic.
43:03OK.
43:04Is this a task where we have to follow the rules?
43:08LAUGHTER
43:10We're going to come over and show Amy and Joanna the first item.
43:14This is the first one.
43:15Ready?
43:17It's like charades.
43:19It is charades.
43:21So, remember, no noise.
43:23You must use your items and stare at them.
43:26Ready?
43:26Ready?
43:29WHISTLE BLOWS
43:30Dog.
43:31Bowling.
43:32Dog's right!
43:33Austin!
43:34Oh.
43:34Right.
43:35It's a quick one and they're 1-0 off.
43:37Yeah.
43:38Good.
43:40OK.
43:41Ready?
43:46Don't look.
43:47Right.
43:48Mmm.
43:49Different reactions.
43:51Round 2.
43:521-0 to the team of two.
43:53Remember.
43:53Shout it out.
43:55Canoe.
43:56Oh.
43:58Gondola.
43:59Gondola.
44:00Gondola.
44:01Canoe.
44:03Canoe.
44:03Tennis.
44:04Pirate ship.
44:05Sea.
44:05Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:08Ocean.
44:12Ocean!
44:13Ocean!
44:14She said it about.
44:15She said it about.
44:16She said it about.
44:16She said it about.
44:17She did say ocean.
44:17The gallery are actually checking it.
44:19Yeah.
44:20Because here, we're all about the rules.
44:22LAUGHTER
44:24We have analysed the footage and the fastest team was...
44:29Joanna and Armando.
44:30Oh!
44:32Oh!
44:33So please put it down again.
44:35You're tuning it up.
44:37One more will get you the win, but how big will the win be?
44:39Oh.
44:40Hello again.
44:40Hello.
44:41I'm bad at this.
44:42No, you won't be.
44:43You're in movies.
44:45You can do this.
44:46LAUGHTER
44:46There's your Camel nunchia.
44:48LAUGHTER
44:50I'm ready.
44:50Go.
44:55Stay on your spot.
44:56Camel, the rules.
44:59Corn.
44:59Corn.
45:00Sweet corn.
45:00Corn in the cup.
45:01Nice and silent.
45:02Pork.
45:03Fish.
45:04Pork.
45:04Nice.
45:04Food.
45:05What kind of food?
45:07Keep your eye on the chin.
45:08Chick.
45:08There are your items, please.
45:10Peas.
45:11Food.
45:11Food.
45:13Spaghetti.
45:13Yes!
45:14It is spaghetti!
45:15Incredible.
45:18Amazing.
45:20That was great.
45:22Switch round.
45:22It's 2-1.
45:23They're back in it.
45:23Back in it.
45:25OK.
45:26Hello, Armando.
45:27Hey, Alex.
45:27Don't give anything away when you see it.
45:29Is that all right?
45:37OK.
45:40Please look at your items.
45:41Whoa!
45:42Craig Davis!
45:43Yes!
45:45It's 2-2!
45:47Oh!
45:49Amazing!
45:51Wow!
45:52Right.
45:53Remarkable.
45:54Back in the game.
45:55OK.
45:55Well, it's the final one.
45:56OK.
45:58We can do this.
45:59We can do this.
46:00We can do this.
46:00We can do this.
46:01We can do this.
46:04OK.
46:04Whoever gets this wins the task.
46:13Javelin.
46:14Um...
46:14Brushing your teeth.
46:15A dragon.
46:16A dragon.
46:17Monster.
46:18Uh...
46:19Heart.
46:21Look at your item.
46:22Look at your item.
46:23Being.
46:24Uh...
46:24Wax.
46:25Feel.
46:26A bat.
46:27A bat.
46:29A vampire.
46:30Yes!
46:31It is a vampire!
46:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:38OK, we'll have those for the final scores.
46:40Come down and join me!
46:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:51Well...
46:52Five points for the team of three.
46:54And then how many for the team of two?
46:55Well, they did OK.
46:57Three points.
46:57Three points.
46:58OK, so three for the team of two.
46:59Five for the team of three.
47:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:04How's that affected the final scores?
47:06Well, Armando, you won't believe it, is in last place with ten points.
47:09LAUGHTER
47:10The other two boys are at the top.
47:11Kamel's got 18 points, but the winner of this episode,
47:13the first time he's won a show is Joel Dobbin!
47:15No way!
47:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:18Joel Dobbin wins!
47:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:22Please go and have your celebrations with the best combination!
47:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:30APPLAUSE
47:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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