- 11 hours ago
American Dad S22E07 Reaper Madness 1 H 264
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00:03Good morning USA
00:06I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
00:10The sun in the sky has a smile on his face
00:13And he's shining a salute to the American race
00:19Oh boy, it's swell to say
00:22Good morning USA
00:25Good morning USA
00:33Is dinner ready yet?
00:35It has to be
00:36I've been grating this parmesan for an hour
00:38You've started grating your fingers, Stan
00:40Oh yeah
00:42I don't care
00:43I'll eat finger meat
00:44I'm just so hungry
00:46Shut your yap, Jeffrey
00:47I'm hangry enough to stab you
00:51Ugh, these expired three years ago
00:53Salad's ruined
00:55It's all riding on the lasagna
00:57And lasagna's biggest question
00:59Has it cooked all the way through?
01:03Just needs a little elbow grease
01:14There's got to be a better way
01:16Why are weeknight dinners so hard?
01:19We could've ate the top part
01:20I just want my life back
01:22You all aren't gonna believe this
01:24But there's a class at the Learning Annex tonight
01:26Called Easy 15-Minute Weeknight Meals
01:29Colon Get Your Life Back
01:31My raggedy colon could use its life back
01:33No, I mean the colon that's two dots
01:36Two dots?
01:40Sup, dogs?
01:41What's up, dogs?
01:42Is we're taking our lives back
01:44From the tyranny of weeknight dinners
01:46Sick
01:47I won't be doing that
01:48I have a friend coming over
01:51Can y'all drop me off at my curiosities shop?
01:54Thanks for asking
01:55My curiosities shop from when Steve and his friends were witches
01:59Steve, you and your friends ever talk about being witches again?
02:02No
02:02Did he just roll his eyes at me?
02:05Out of his witch phase and into his bitch phase
02:07I can't believe you're going to miss out on this class
02:10Just to hang out with some friend
02:12Hey, Klaus
02:13Dinuta
02:16Dinuta
02:17Klaus, no
02:18That's why I said friend and not her name
02:20Her name
02:21Dinuta, of course
02:23That is the name
02:24She owns it
02:25What mischief are we getting into tonight?
02:29We're gonna do hot girl stuff
02:30And burn letters to our exes
02:32It's a full moon
02:33So the perfect time to cleanse our souls
02:35I'd love to watch you cleanse your soul, Dinuta
02:38Join us
02:39No
02:40Too late, I accept
02:43Shouldn't we have stoves or ovens to cook on?
02:48Friends
02:49Are you tired of spending hours of your day cooking one meal?
02:53Do you want your time back?
02:55Do you want your life back?
02:57Yes
02:58Well, put your hands together for the one and only
03:02Cricket Lamone
03:07There's a reason I start this class at precisely 9.47 p.m.
03:12Because that's the time when we've all given up
03:14On whatever crackpot chef boingardy slop
03:19They've brainwashed you to make
03:22Weeknight meals shouldn't take away your life
03:25Oh, but it does, Cricket, it does
03:27I know, my son
03:31Don't sniff my hand
03:32I'm gonna show you how to make
03:35Delicious, nutritious, easy meals
03:39In only 15 minutes
03:42We're going to get our lives back, Billy
03:46Picture it
03:47You're at home
03:48It's 6.45 p.m.
03:51And by 7, you have
03:52An osso bucco with red bean cassoulet
03:56Yeah, 15, yeah
03:59Thank you, Cricket
04:00But how did you make it?
04:03Easily
04:03And in only 15 minutes
04:13He's gonna take forever to scoot over here
04:15Let's just start
04:16Double driving cadence
04:23I can't stop, catch me
04:26What's crackin', babies?
04:28I'll start
04:28This is from Bruce at the car wash
04:31He broke my heart
04:32And my side view mirror
04:33And now I'm letting it go
04:36This is from Nolan
04:37My boyfriend of one day in 8th grade
04:39He wrote
04:40The only chemistry we have together
04:42Is 5th period
04:43My turn
04:44These are letters from various catalog models
04:47No, runway mother
04:49No
04:50Runway poker babes
04:52Whose hearts I completely wrecked
04:56Uh, this is a cease and desist letter
04:59From Rue McClanahan
05:01Didn't she play Blanche on Golden Girl?
05:03Golden Girls, you idiot
05:05And her character gave mixed signals
05:07Give that back
05:12Can you leave us alone?
05:14The Nuda and I are vibing
05:16No, we're having a girls' night
05:18And you're ruining it
05:19Classic Klaus
05:20You don't like me, do you, Hayley?
05:22I love you
05:24You're family
05:25But you don't like me
05:26You don't like me?
05:27You're only hanging out with me
05:29Because Danuda is here
05:30You're kind of a weasel
05:32You always have an ulterior motive
05:34That's not true
05:35I wouldn't have joined
05:36If you'd asked me not to
05:38I did ask you not to
05:39Yeah, but I want Danuda
05:40To be my girlfriend
05:41So I didn't consider how you felt
05:43You understand
05:44Y'all want to hear a scary story?
05:45I don't have an active imagination
05:47Is there a video game version of it?
05:49Come on
05:50It'll stop you both from fighting
05:51And I'll get to practice talking
05:53I want to be a talker to people someday
05:55Oh, you'd be great at that
05:57You do think so?
05:59It was a night just like this
06:01When the shapeshifter demon
06:03Who lives in the well
06:04Made his first kill
06:08Two lovers
06:09Tommy and Miranda
06:11Were parked
06:12At make-out point
06:13Hot
06:14After making out for an hour
06:16Hard
06:17For like an hour
06:18Just an hour?
06:19Probably in a rush
06:20To get to Pound Town, USA
06:22Yeah, yeah
06:23Quiet, please
06:24They took a lover's stroll
06:26To the well nearby
06:30Overcome with love
06:31Tommy calls into the well
06:33I love you, Miranda
06:35It echoes back
06:37I love you, Miranda
06:38Miranda, Miranda
06:39But when Miranda
06:41Tries to profess
06:41Her love for Tommy
06:42Into the well
06:43She can't
06:44As if a dark spirit
06:46Was squeezing her throat
06:48When Miranda turns around
06:50Tommy is gone
06:56They search for him
06:58But he was never found
06:59Until
07:00One night
07:02Miranda wakes up
07:04To a tap
07:05Tap
07:06Tap
07:07On her window
07:08When she looks outside
07:10She sees Tommy
07:11He's back
07:13He beckons her to the well
07:15Where he asks her to try
07:17And profess her love
07:18For him again
07:18Miranda leans over the edge
07:21And cries
07:22I love you, Tommy
07:24As the well echoes back
07:26Tommy, Tommy
07:27Miranda sees the real Tommy
07:30At the bottom
07:31Dead
07:35Terrified
07:36She slowly turns
07:38To the thing
07:39Who brought her there
07:41Tommy is mine
07:43And now you're mine too
07:48Welcome to Euphoria
07:49It's like euphoria
07:51But with fear
07:51You ain't dead
07:53But you're scared to death
07:54And it feels real good
07:55Like fear
07:57Oh god
07:58Oh god
07:59Come on
08:00Wake up
08:03Don't get it twisted
08:04This place ain't real
08:06It's a representation
08:07Of how fear can feel
08:09Sometimes it feels scary
08:10But sometimes it feels good
08:12Do you get the gist
08:13I knew you would
08:23Holy crap
08:25That was better than any high
08:26I've ever had
08:27I was scared
08:28But it felt amazing
08:30I know this is crazy
08:31But would you want to get scared
08:33With me again?
08:35Okay
08:35But only if my boy Juergen can come
08:37No
08:38Okay
08:44They were dead when I found them
08:45Oh, you're alive
08:46Big time
08:47But we need your scary story again
08:49In the way it made us feel
08:55One way ticket to Montenegro
08:57Oh, no extradition from there
09:00Because you thought you'd killed us
09:03Smart girl
09:04Give it to us, Dee
09:05Give us the story again
09:07I don't think I should
09:08I thought you were dead before
09:09Plus, Nerfer is sleeping
09:11And she gets prickly
09:12If she wakes up to a whole scene
09:13Give us the story
09:15Or I'll slap those pointy bangs
09:17Off your gorgeous face
09:18No, they accentuate her eyes
09:21Slap the, uh, slap the
09:22This is hard, every part's perfect
09:24Slap racism
09:25Now tell the story
09:27Before I lose my freaking cool
09:28Okay
09:29It was a night
09:30Just like this
09:34Here it comes
09:36And now you're mine too
09:38Where is it?
09:39Danuta told it wrong
09:40Why did you tell it wrong?
09:42Maybe you didn't faint
09:43Because you already know how the story goes
09:45She's right
09:46We need to find new things to scare us
09:48Let's boogie, Klaus
09:49My assistant Steve will be by later for my driving canes
09:56Jonathan, is that you?
09:59Time to die
10:01That was it?
10:02That wasn't scary at all
10:04Boo!
10:04Boo!
10:05You're being disruptive
10:06I'm gonna have to ask you to leave
10:08We're already leaving, nerd
10:10This stinks
10:11That snap thing you've been doing
10:14That's cool, Klaus
10:18Okay, this feels pretty spooky
10:20I brought a spirit box
10:22It allows ghosts to communicate with us
10:25I don't know how it works
10:26But it came with a free Hello Kitty keychain
10:28So I was like, uh, sold
10:32Kill
10:33That's a good sign
10:36Killer deals this weekend
10:38Only at Nana Pam's flower shop
10:40It's just picking up the radio
10:47It's not the radio
10:49It's me
10:50The deals are my unfinished business
10:57Rogu, you said you had something scary for us
11:00Haunted tub
11:02Cursed ranch
11:05Really?
11:06This is cursed?
11:07Exercise demon by fix, Rogu
11:11Tuuuub
11:11Okay, I think Rogu is just trying to get us to fix his bathtub
11:15Wow
11:16We trusted you, Rogu
11:17Never trust a bad boy
11:26It's 6.45
11:27You haven't started dinner yet?
11:29We're starting now
11:30Because dinner is at 7 p.m.
11:32And this recipe only takes 15 minutes
11:35I think that lady was a scammer
11:36We never saw her cook anything
11:38But we saw her do the splits
11:40What more do you need?
11:42All right, the recipe says to start with the cassoulet
11:44First ingredient, red beans
11:46Boom
11:47Soaked beans overnight
11:50Overnight?
11:51A little misstep on our part
11:52Let's pivot to the also buco
11:54Stevie, my boy
11:55Toss me the pearl onions and veal shanks
11:57Yeah, there's no way we have that stuff
11:58Should we use substitutes?
12:00Let's call Cricket Limon
12:02She'll know what to do
12:03Are you crazy?
12:04She's probably halfway to Montenegro by now
12:07They don't have any extra division
12:12You want to get loud?
12:13You go to a J-Lo concert
12:14You want to get scared?
12:16You come to T. Lumpkin's Curiosity Shop
12:18Bam!
12:19Gargoyle shoes
12:20Never worn
12:21That just makes me sad
12:22Carnivorous pitcher plant covered in blood
12:24How did it get covered in blood?
12:26I used it to clean a paper cut
12:28That's not a scary story, Roger
12:30It was for me
12:31It stung, Hayley
12:35That's Paige
12:36She's the new part-timer
12:37She's been drinking that iced coffee all day
12:40It's been done for hours
12:41Just keeps sucking the melting ice
12:43You done with that coffee yet?
12:45And she laughs at everything
12:47What's funny?
12:49Nothing
12:51Is it a nervous tick?
12:52Am I part of some sick joke?
12:54I don't know, but I love her
12:55Let's move on
12:56Ooh, now this is scary
12:57A skull
12:59That's not scary
13:00That's just something to put vodka in
13:02Damn, I thought an empty skull would be a
13:04No-brainer
13:06Groucho glasses worn by Stalin
13:10Paige, do you want a new coffee?
13:13You're funny
13:14This chick's insane
13:15I'm obsessed with her
13:23Roger, what's this?
13:25A map to the demon shapeshifter well
13:27At old make-out point
13:30The shapeshifter story is real?
13:33Yeah, it happened here in Langley Falls
13:34They say if you call into the well
13:37And it echoes back
13:38Your soul's taken by the demon
13:43Oh, baby, if that's your ticket
13:46The well isn't what you'll need
13:49Oh, sugar, it's time to risk it
13:51If you wanna keep seeing me
13:57We have to go to the well
13:58You broke the Groucho glasses
14:00You have to buy them
14:01Paige, ring them up
14:01Okay
14:04She's an icon
14:05She's an icon
14:09Hayley
14:15I can feel it
14:17We're going to have Euphoria again
14:19One of us calls into the well
14:21It echoes and we get the greatest high of our lives
14:25I'm freaking out
14:26I can't do it
14:26Yes, you can
14:28Before we discovered Euphoria
14:29We were basically two strangers
14:32Both trying to bang Danuta
14:34What?
14:34I'm not trying to
14:35But Euphoria brought us together
14:37And I'm not going to let you give up
14:39We'll call into the well
14:41As a team
14:43Okay, let's do it
14:45One
14:47Two
14:48Three
14:48I love you, Tommy
14:50I can't do it
14:50Klaus, you weasel
14:52I love you, Tommy
14:56Congratulations, you're back for more
14:59You found the key to your getting scared door
15:02Addicted to fear, ain't nothing wrong with that
15:04But the moment will end
15:05When I put on his hat
15:09Coolest hat in the world
15:11Hayley?
15:14The shapeshifter got her
15:15Oh no
15:17Even cooler hat
15:24You said dinner would be ready in 15 minutes
15:27Like 115 minutes ago
15:29We had to drive an hour and a half out of town
15:32To find fresh veal
15:33It was very fresh
15:35Yeah, it was really a bummer
15:38Francine, will you do me the honor of having the first taste?
15:41I'm too close to it
15:44The beans are still hard
15:46Impossible
15:46Maybe you're too tired to taste
15:48Steve?
15:52It said to soak them
15:54It said it
15:55That crunch doesn't mean anything
15:56Steve's always had weak teeth
15:58I have delicate enamel
16:01Yes, rest my little sous chefs
16:03I'll wake you up when it's ready
16:04I'd like to place an order for delivery
16:06My babe's dad is trying to make a quick, easy meal
16:10Pizzas famously take 30 minutes
16:12And dinner will be ready in 15
16:14I can't do it!
16:15I'm sorry!
16:17Stop!
16:17You'll ruin your appetite!
16:19I need food!
16:20Hayley is a demon and she wanted to yell in the well alone!
16:23Okay, bye!
16:24Klaus, you're just in time for dinner
16:26Taste
16:28The beans are hard
16:29Also, Hayley isn't Hayley
16:30She's a shapeshifter out in the woods
16:32So if you see her, don't open the door, okay?
16:34I'm going to sleep in your bed because it feels safer
16:38Hayley
16:39Yes
16:40Hayley should taste this
16:44Everything gets better with a good night's sleep
16:57Klaus, come to the well
17:16That was scary and erotic
17:22I'm in the shapeshifter's hand
17:26Bikini season
17:27Real Hayley's missing out
17:30Demon Hayley
17:35We're back at the well
17:39Oh, shapeshifter
17:40I'm not even scared of you anymore
17:42The thrill of Euphoria is gone
17:45It's just not the same without Hayley
17:47The high has been replaced with a shame-filled low
17:50That never happens with other drugs
17:56Call into the well
17:59Oh yes, time for you to take my soul, I suppose
18:03Hayley was right
18:04I am a weasel
18:06Not only did I back out of calling into the well at the last minute after promising her I'd be
18:11by her side
18:11I literally left her side and ran home bravely sleeping in my own bed
18:18Say the words into the well
18:21Or are you too chicken?
18:27I'm not chicken
18:28If I'm going to do this
18:29There's one thing I want to say
18:31That I should have said to the real Hayley when she was here
18:36I do like you Hayley
18:37As a friend
18:38I do like you Hayley
18:40As a friend
18:41Hayley's mine and now you're mine
18:43Hey!
18:47Terrified
18:48You're flying high
18:50Like making love to a pretty lady
18:52And she doesn't get pregnant with a baby
18:59You made it to the peak of your fear
19:04You never thought you could feel this fear
19:14Now slurp up that fear like a rat that's thirsty
19:17Slurp it up like Paige with ice coffee
19:24Woo! Yes!
19:25Wait, am I dead?
19:27Am I a shapeshifter?
19:30Hayley?
19:31You really thought I was a shapeshifter?
19:34You're not?
19:35No!
19:36Why did you act like you were?
19:37Well at first I was doing it because I was pissed
19:40I love you Tommy!
19:41I can't do it!
19:42Klaus you weasel
19:43We were supposed to yell into the well together
19:45But you let me do it alone
19:48I passed out
19:50Had sick euphoria
19:51But then I fell in
19:53When I woke up
19:54I called for you
19:55Klaus!
19:56Help!
19:58But you weren't there for me
19:59Again
20:00And as you know
20:01I have the upper body strength of a gorilla when I'm pissed
20:04So I climbed out to find you
20:07I was gonna toss you in the well out of spite
20:09But then you said all those nice sentimental things on the way over
20:13So
20:13I decided to give you the best euphoria ever
20:16By acting out the ending of the story
20:17The Grim Reaper had a quad guitar
20:20That's four, Hayley
20:22He grew extra hands to play it
20:25You can just tell he is the boss of that whole hellscape
20:29I wish you could have seen it
20:31Honestly, I think I'm done with euphoria
20:33We had fun, but we got a little too into it
20:36Hayley, something's behind you!
20:38That's not gonna work on me
20:40Taste the beans
20:45I'm the king of this hellscape
20:47I make skeletons moan
20:49In one final twist
20:50My queen is cricket limbo
20:57Please taste this
20:58Leave me alone, my guy
21:00Come on, just taste it
21:08Mmm
21:09Mmm
21:10That's really good, actually
21:11The beans are nice and soft
21:13Thank you, Mr. Reaper
21:15Nah, I don't give out compliments
21:17I'm the Grim Reaper
21:18Not the Praise Heaper
21:19That's so good
21:22I'm the Grim Reaper
21:24Not the Praise Heaper
21:26Yeah, that works immediately
21:29Why is cooking so hard?
21:32Have a great night
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