8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - Season 29 - Episode 03: Jon Richardson & Judi Love, Rob Beckett & Miles Jupp, Róisín and Chiara - video Dailymotion

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8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - Season 29 - Episode 03: Jon Richardson & Judi Love, Rob Beckett & Miles Jupp, Róisín and Chiara

Transcript

00:00Welcome, on stage, Mr. G. Kerr!

00:07Yeah.

00:08Sure.

00:09Thank you very much.

00:10Yeah.

00:11Sure.

00:11Oh, nothing.

00:13We'll be doing this, OK.

00:14So, Go Wild and Crazy 4, Rob Beckett, John Richardson,

00:17Miles Jupp, Judy Love, Roisin and Kiara,

00:20Susie Dent and Rachel Riley.

00:34Hello, everyone.

00:37He's tiny in real life, isn't he?

00:40Alright, let's roll the titles.

01:15Hello and welcome to edit of 10 Cats Does Countdown,

01:19a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums.

01:21OK, let's meet tonight's teams.

01:23First up, it's team captain, John Richardson.

01:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:32John Richardson, he's the thinking woman's crumpet

01:34and that woman is thinking,

01:36I'm not sure I like crumpets.

01:40And John's teammates, Judy Love.

01:46Judy is a regular panellist on Loose Women

01:48and it's wrong to say that Loose Women is just a load of ladies

01:50sitting around drinking Prosecco before noon.

01:52I happen to know a lot of that chat is fuelled by vodka.

01:55LAUGHTER

01:57My poor girls.

01:58Everyone's always coming for my girls.

01:59Girls.

02:00Your girls.

02:01Girls, combined age of 258.

02:06Up against them this evening, it's team captain Rob Beckett.

02:14Rob said on his podcast that he paid good money to see me naked.

02:18I find that weird.

02:19What would be so interesting about seeing my penises?

02:22LAUGHTER

02:22I think you're like a Ken.

02:24He'd pull down his pants and it's just flat.

02:27LAUGHTER

02:30Yeah, I think it would be if you did it.

02:35LAUGHTER

02:38APPLAUSE

02:42You did say you wanted to see me naked on the podcast.

02:45Yeah, I do want to see you naked.

02:45I'm intrigued.

02:46Why?

02:47Because you don't really present as a real person.

02:52You should do this.

02:54No time like the present, Jimmy.

02:56Jimmy.

02:57Jimmy.

02:58Jimmy.

02:59Jimmy.

03:00Jimmy.

03:00Oh, no, if you're all...

03:02Oh, if you're all out for this, I'd just get my cock out then.

03:05Yeah, sure.

03:06LAUGHTER

03:06I think it would be too much.

03:07I'd still...

03:08I don't think it would be too much.

03:09I think it would be some.

03:13And joining Rob tonight's Myles Jug.

03:15Yeah!

03:17CHEERING

03:20Miles has five children, which must be exhausting for his staff.

03:25LAUGHTER

03:26In fairness, they work bloody hard.

03:29LAUGHTER

03:29For, may I say, a pittance.

03:32LAUGHTER

03:33Talk us through a day in the life of Myles Jug.

03:35Uh, gosh.

03:36Well, I like to get up early, be first down to the kitchen.

03:39Uh, fix myself a quick, um, roast beef with all the trimmings.

03:43LAUGHTER

03:44Then it's breakfast, where I'm joined by the others.

03:48A quick snack before the school run.

03:50Usually a roast beef with all the trimmings.

03:52LAUGHTER

03:52Then it's Eleventies.

03:54Um...

03:55Yeah, perhaps a little walk around the garden.

03:57Uh, maybe going to town, do some shopping.

03:58Butchers, veg shop.

04:00Um, come home, quick roast beef with all the trimmings.

04:03LAUGHTER

04:03To set me up for lunch.

04:05Then I watch Loose Women.

04:07I save the gravy for then, and then that's...

04:10LAUGHTER

04:12Wow.

04:12That was clearly filthy.

04:14I wasn't expecting that.

04:16Um...

04:17And that is how you maintain your girlish figure.

04:20That's right, yeah.

04:21My pre-Raphaelite curves, yeah.

04:24LAUGHTER

04:25John, if you could switch lives with anyone on the panel,

04:28for a day, who would you pick?

04:29God, I'd take any of you.

04:32LAUGHTER

04:33LAUGHTER

04:37Genuinely, I'd have you for a day, I would ruin that body you paid so much for.

04:41LAUGHTER

04:42I'd wake up and tear hair out for an hour or two.

04:45LAUGHTER

04:46It's all replaceable.

04:48LAUGHTER

04:49I'd like to be Rachel, cos I'd like to sleep with one of the dancers off Strictly,

04:53but I don't have to go on the show.

04:55LAUGHTER

04:56Ideally.

04:56I'd like to have a night with Pasha.

05:00Um...

05:01Well, that's a lovely thought.

05:04I'm happy, Jimmy, I like my life.

05:06LAUGHTER

05:08Coming across?

05:09No, she skipped me.

05:10I'd love to be you, Judy.

05:11Oh, OK.

05:12Just to know what it's...

05:14How quickly the gap eradicates between the thought and the speech.

05:20LAUGHTER

05:25Judy, you...

05:25Do you get annoyed quite easily?

05:27What sets you off?

05:28You know what it is?

05:29When people try to pay backhand compliments.

05:33When people...

05:33Like, when people go,

05:34Oh, how are you so confident?

05:35I'm like, what, because I've got a food bar

05:36and I haven't seen my fanny for years?

05:37Like, they find it really...

05:40Because you've got to do what?

05:42You can only say it to big girls.

05:43Because you've got to do what?

05:44A food bar.

05:46A food bar.

05:46It's like a little fold.

05:48Oh.

05:48It's a little fold.

05:50Yeah.

05:50Yeah, then backhand compliments get on my flippin' nerves.

05:54Rob, if you hadn't had a career as a successful stand-up comedian,

05:57what do you think you would have done?

05:59Er...

05:59Had a career as an unsuccessful one?

06:02LAUGHTER

06:03LAUGHTER

06:03Don't have a dig at John.

06:05LAUGHTER

06:06LAUGHTER

06:07OK.

06:08Miles, have you got a mascot?

06:10I have, actually, yes.

06:11So, I was sent a book to have a look at,

06:14and not what I was expecting.

06:15I was told it was a...

06:16For the author, it was a real passion project.

06:19Anyway, here it is, this book.

06:20It's called Jimmy Carr's Bumper Book of Facts About Eggs.

06:25Oh, yes.

06:26You must know, your agent sent it to me very kindly,

06:29and really, just about another set of eyes

06:31to give a bit of feedback.

06:33I'll put most of it in an email, but a few thoughts did come up.

06:37I've tried to approach it with an open mind.

06:39Er, chapter one.

06:40Every day, I have nine soft-boiled eggs for my breakfast.

06:43They always go straight through me.

06:46LAUGHTER

06:47But it means I get another chance to see my golden toilet.

06:50LAUGHTER

06:51Er...

06:52I'm only joking.

06:53I always relieve myself directly into the cupped hands of a waiting servant.

06:56LAUGHTER

06:57I mean, it's unflinchingly honest, Jimmy.

07:00LAUGHTER

07:01Benefit of the doubt, let's look at the others.

07:03Er...

07:03Oh, here we go.

07:03I don't know if you were sort of hurrying to get towards the end,

07:06or perhaps you'd lost interest or confidence.

07:08Er, some animals that you may be surprised to hear

07:10actually hatch from eggs.

07:12So, this is...

07:13Strange chapter.

07:15Erm...

07:15Chickens.

07:17I will put more in the email, but that's not a surprise, Jimmy.

07:20Erm...

07:20Cows.

07:21I just don't think it's right.

07:22Er, minor royals, it says here.

07:25LAUGHTER

07:27Place names with the word egg inside them.

07:29Er, you've written Winnipeg.

07:31LAUGHTER

07:32That's it.

07:33It's only got one G for a start.

07:34And then it says,

07:35the rest of this page has been left blank for you to fill in your own ideas.

07:39LAUGHTER

07:39That's 25 quid, Jimmy.

07:41That is...

07:41That's absolutely shameful.

07:42But look, fair play to you for sticking your head above the parapet.

07:45Best of luck with the book.

07:46Well done.

07:47APPLAUSE

07:48Miles Young, everyone.

07:49APPLAUSE

07:51John, have you got a mascot?

07:53Yes.

07:54I don't mind the jokes about me being little and having a small penis

07:57and going bald.

07:59All that stuff.

08:00Did anyone mention a small penis?

08:02LAUGHTER

08:02I feel like no-one mentioned a small penis.

08:05I just...

08:05I've had enough.

08:06I'm going to...

08:07I'm just going to do something different tonight so that you can't hurt me.

08:10So...

08:11OK.

08:11I'm just...

08:12I give less of a shit.

08:13So...

08:13What was that?

08:15Erm...

08:15That's a bad start to giving less of a shit.

08:17Oh, I've dropped something.

08:19LAUGHTER

08:21Start by sitting backwards on my chair.

08:23Oh, wow.

08:24That's what bad boy's doing it.

08:26Yeah?

08:27Yeah.

08:28What do you think of that?

08:29It's going to be, like, bad tonight.

08:31It's going to be like a naughty boy.

08:33Erm...

08:33A naughty boy?

08:34Start by popping a leather jacket on.

08:40Over the cardigan.

08:41Over the cardigan.

08:43Over the cardigan.

08:46All right.

08:47You like that?

08:48You like that?

08:49Ooh.

08:50Yeah, you're quiet now, aren't you, Jimmy?

08:53Scared all of a sudden.

08:55Erm...

08:56Just in case you're thinking of picking on me.

08:58Ooh.

09:01We're working out.

09:02Get these guns pumped.

09:04You're like...

09:05Oh, God!

09:06Yeah.

09:07Oh, indeed, Judy.

09:08Wow!

09:09Yeah, pop them there.

09:09Where did we find weights that small?

09:12LAUGHTER

09:12Oh, wow.

09:15Wow.

09:15Wow, you see?

09:16How would you check me out, then, in this kind of...

09:18One brother, mate, let you come to me, innit?

09:19Oh!

09:22See anything you like?

09:24Not really.

09:27Smoking's cool, innit?

09:33These chairs are wider than I anticipated.

09:39LAUGHTER

09:40It's got a rubber tip on it.

09:42WHOOSH!

09:43Someone's glued it.

09:43It's still got a rubber...

09:44It's still got a rubber tip on it, yeah.

09:47It's got a rubber tip on it, yeah.

09:50Take your first, John.

09:52Yeah.

09:54Have another crack, yeah?

09:55Here we go.

10:00What flavour's that?

10:01Er...

10:02Pussy and beer.

10:03LAUGHTER

10:05I'm slightly more likely to be Dandelion and Burdock, but...

10:09Thank you, Judith.

10:11That's good.

10:12Whoop!

10:13And he's over.

10:15Oh, blimey.

10:15Oh, wow.

10:17APPLAUSE

10:21What I really like is that John carried all that stuff in a pink bag with strawberries on it.

10:27Where's the bag?

10:28Where's the bag? Can we see the bag?

10:29Oh, no.

10:36Whatever.

10:39Rob, have you got... have you got a mascot?

10:41Yes, so I do have a mascot, actually.

10:43A little hobby of mine, something I'm quite proud of, is I've got a cactus collection.

10:47And I don't know if you know this, because I've got quite green-fingered.

10:51Um, you can actually train a cactus into different shapes.

10:56Ooh, fascinating.

10:57Are you into gardening and stuff?

10:58Oh, very much so.

10:59Really? What have you got?

10:59I mean, what have I got?

11:00Yeah, what kind of flowers and stuff?

11:02What kind of plants?

11:03Well, in which meadow?

11:07Right, here we go.

11:08So, we've got a few bits of bobs here.

11:09So, I've got this one.

11:10This is the first one I did, because it's sort of quite tricky.

11:12So, you want to sort of, like, start small, work your way up.

11:15But I've done this one.

11:20So, what do you think, Miles?

11:22Very, very tempting.

11:24They're lovely, aren't they?

11:25Yeah.

11:26So, I did that one first.

11:28Um, and then this one, it's the second one I worked on.

11:31Which is, um...

11:36What do you think?

11:37That, that, that is...

11:39Yeah, I mean, it's really terrific.

11:41It's really twitching.

11:42No, it's...

11:43It's absolutely, it's absolutely terrific, essentially.

11:45Yeah.

11:45This would adorn, well, any tabletop, really.

11:47Yeah.

11:48Or bottom.

11:49Or...

11:49Yes.

11:52Rob Beckett's Green Fingers, everyone.

11:53What a mess.

11:58Uh, well, over in Dictionary Corner, it's, uh, Roisin and Kiara.

12:02APPLAUSE

12:04It's your first time on the show, we're thrilled to have you here.

12:06Could you tell us a little bit about your act?

12:08Hmm.

12:08Oh.

12:09Well, yes, sometimes it can be quite, uh, sort of...

12:18And then other times it can be more, sort of, earthy, you know, grounded in the pelvis, a bit more,

12:23sort of...

12:23Ha!

12:25Rumpf!

12:25Ha-ronk!

12:26Oh.

12:27LAUGHTER

12:28LAUGHTER

12:29You've been working together as a cult duo for the last decade.

12:33Everything we do, we do in perfect harmony.

12:37Let's get ready to rumble!

12:42LAUGHTER

12:50And with them, of course, it's, uh, it's our lovely Susie Dent.

12:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

12:57Susie Dent is an inspiration.

12:59She's shown little girls up and down the country that, yes, women can be just as boring as men.

13:04LAUGHTER

13:05Susie, what have you been working on lately?

13:07Actually, I have been working on a series with Phil Wang for Radio 4.

13:12Actually, for a long time, Jimmy, I thought your name was Wang,

13:16cos Wang Ka is what loads of people call you backstage.

13:19LAUGHTER

13:21APPLAUSE

13:25Nice.

13:26But Miles has been on it. He was fab.

13:28Yeah, they're very kind.

13:29Yeah, you were.

13:30OK.

13:32LAUGHTER

13:32What's the podcast about?

13:34Um, it's called Unspeakable, and we get people like Jaz to come on.

13:37And come up with...

13:38Giles?

13:39She means Giles Grandreth.

13:40What did I call you?

13:41You called me Giles.

13:42But I...

13:43Yes, essentially.

13:44I'm so sorry.

13:45Yeah, she's not very good with words.

13:47LAUGHTER

13:48You very gratefully came on the show.

13:50You came on the show.

13:51Very memorable guy.

13:53LAUGHTER

13:54OK.

13:55In charge of the numbers is Rachel Riley.

13:58APPLAUSE

14:01Yes, Rachel is here, which tells us one thing.

14:03The search for her replacement is taking longer than we thought.

14:06LAUGHTER

14:07Rachel, who's the most interesting person you've ever met?

14:09I've met a lot of cool people.

14:10I've met the King.

14:12I've met David Beckham.

14:13Mmm.

14:13And also met a guy that can fart on demand in time to pop songs.

14:18Yeah, roll back it.

14:20Only up to 1999, though.

14:23As soon as drum and bass came in, I gave up.

14:26LAUGHTER

14:26OK, the prize the teams will be competing for tonight is this.

14:29The Countdown Dogbed.

14:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

14:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

14:46OK, everyone, that's Countdown.

14:47Time for our first game.

14:48Rob, Miles, you get the first pick of the letters.

14:50Giles, after you.

14:53LAUGHTER

14:54I'll have a consonant, please.

14:55Thank you, Giles.

14:57M.

14:58Could that also be a G?

15:02LAUGHTER

15:03That is very good.

15:06That is very good.

15:08APPLAUSE

15:10I'll have another consonant.

15:11Is that the way this works?

15:13C.

15:13Three of each.

15:14Three of each until Rachel looks worried for us.

15:17OK, yeah, another consonant, please.

15:18In front of my lead.

15:20P.

15:20And then can I have the A on the top of the vowel pile?

15:23LAUGHTER

15:24A, yeah.

15:25LAUGHTER

15:26OK.

15:27Can I have another vowel, please?

15:29E.

15:30Another vowel.

15:31O.

15:32You choose some.

15:34You're a captain.

15:34OK, cool.

15:35Consonant, please.

15:36Yep.

15:36T.

15:37Erm, a...

15:38Another vowel.

15:41I.

15:41And then consonant, please.

15:42And the last one, L.

15:43And for the first time today, here's the Countdown Clock.

15:47BELL RINGS

15:49Oh, is that...?

15:50BELL RINGS

15:51Bravo.

15:54Thanks.

15:56BELL RINGS

15:57Oh, kids, baby.

16:00BELL RINGS

16:01BELL RINGS

16:03BELL RINGS

16:04BELL RINGS

16:05You all right?

16:05Just don't look at Caesar, you man.

16:07BELL RINGS

16:09I'm worried about him falling to sleep.

16:10He's already had his nap.

16:11BELL RINGS

16:18BELL RINGS

16:21Um...

16:23Come on!

16:29APPLAUSE

16:32Why is it so cute?

16:35Rob how many five?

16:37Giles

16:39I've got seven

16:42Seven impressive John how many would I risk a nine Susie no?

16:46No, I wouldn't then

16:51I'll stick with a seven as well Judy five, okay, what's your five plate? Rob your five petal

16:59Petal I've got a terrible fucking colic

17:04Myles your seven

17:06I've got two sevens actually they are climate and polemic

17:11Wow

17:18It was good wasn't it Susie amazing maybe write down his name. Yeah

17:25What was your nine John that you went for well compile is a seven and then I wondered if you

17:30can have

17:30Compilate as you can have a compilation of something

17:33Yeah, no, you can't compilate. Oh, that's a shame seven for us Jim

17:38Seven points for both James

17:43I might go for my nap such a weird hang on it was me the whole time

17:53I might take my bonnet off Roisin Kiara could they have done any better? Yes

18:00Poetical

18:03Very breathy

18:04Poetical

18:06Okay, so the end of that it's a draw everyone's got seven points

18:13Okay, on to our first numbers round John Judy you get to pick the numbers do you want to pick

18:18Judy or will you just ruin it?

18:21No, three little ones all right. I'll go nine to six and then the big one 75 50 and 100

18:29and

18:29The target three five nine there it is. I know time starts now

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23:17That's a sign of a nervous bowel isn't it John?

23:20That kimchi was on the turn and I took a gamble on the wrong night.

23:25There is such a thing as too much roughage.

23:27Isn't there?

23:28Enough with the sexy talk.

23:37You move the crockery, I'll have one last poo.

23:43I

23:45And here is your teaser. The words are meat bell. The clue is nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.

23:50That's meat bell. Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom. See you after the break.

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28:44You can't smile now because you've had too much work done

28:47You're telling me that

28:50But yeah, we could have done a bit better and we could have eight letters here germiest germiest

28:57germiest

28:58I did spot that but I've got some wipes down here all times

29:01Got rid of it

29:02Have you finished undressing dictionary corner with your eyes?

29:05I'm not looking over there again

29:07You can look at me

29:08I can't make you smile though can I?

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8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - Season 29 - Episode 03: Jon Richardson & Judi Love, Rob Beckett & Miles Jupp, Róisín and Chiara

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