- 6 hours ago
مسلسل Animal Control مترجم - Episode 3
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Short filmTranscript
00:02If you were a dog, what breed would you be?
00:05Uh, you know those hyperallergenic ones?
00:07Uh, what are they?
00:07Oh, the ones that don't answer stupid questions?
00:10Truck 12, please respond.
00:11Cougar observed at residence.
00:13425 Null Drive.
00:14Homeowner's out of town.
00:16Truck 12 responding.
00:17It's been a lot of sightings lately.
00:19Security camera to dry cleaners got some great footage.
00:22It's a beautiful animal.
00:23C-38?
00:24Majestic.
00:25Poor guy's probably just hungry, you know?
00:27This isn't some cute little kitty.
00:28You know that, right?
00:29Last year in Spokane, another cougar attacked an officer,
00:33broke through his ribcage, and ate his lungs.
00:35Oh, my God.
00:36Did he survive?
00:38Without lungs?
00:40Yep.
00:41Yeah, finished third at the New York Marathon.
00:43Thank God.
00:44You know I love stories like that?
00:46Triumph of the human spirit.
00:47You can't keep us down, Frank.
00:50He died, Shred.
01:00Oh, my God.
01:02What?
01:03On the stairs.
01:04Right in the bushes.
01:05You see that?
01:06The hydrangeas or the azaleas?
01:07I don't know.
01:08The pink ones.
01:10Azaleas.
01:12Oh, my God.
01:13Hand me the giant gun.
01:14If it comes for us, we're supposed to make ourselves look big, right?
01:18Yeah, that's the official line.
01:19But here's the real deal.
01:21Cup your junk and hide behind something.
01:24Make your whole package as inaccessible as possible.
01:26Well, Frank, I heard they go for your neck.
01:28Yeah, they do.
01:29But it's not about staying alive.
01:31It's about life being worth living.
01:32If you survive.
01:37Be careful.
01:40I think I got a clean shot.
01:47Unbelievable.
01:48What?
01:49What are you?
01:50Frank.
01:50Frank.
01:52Frank!
01:52Are you crazy?
01:53Cover up your junk.
01:55It's a stuffed animal.
01:56You don't know that.
01:56It might just be asleep.
01:57Yeah, well, when he wakes up, I'd speak to it in Vietnamese since it's probably where
02:02it was made.
02:03They do great work.
02:04Oh, okay.
02:05Yeah, I'll make the call on the dispatch.
02:07Let him know it's a false alarm.
02:09Wait.
02:10What?
02:10You know what Churchill said?
02:11Never let a crisis go to waste.
02:13Totally.
02:14Quick refresher.
02:15Who is Churchill?
02:17Relief picture for the Mariners.
02:18I hear that dude's having a great season.
02:20Look, we both know this cougar isn't real.
02:22Right.
02:23But nobody else does.
02:24So we have an opportunity to humiliate a deserving individual.
02:28And it would be wrong to pass that up.
02:31Right?
02:33Yeah, no, man.
02:35Templeton.
02:35Thank God you're here.
02:37You're lucky I'm working graveyard this week.
02:39Bring me up to speed.
02:40Come on.
02:41Come here.
02:42Come here.
02:44I've had an ear in those bushes.
02:45See?
02:46Now, we've shot him full of tranks, but that is one amped up cat.
02:49Copy.
02:51Takes a big man to admit when he's in over his head.
02:56So, he's already killed a couple of dogs.
02:58But the real concern is the elementary school down the street.
03:01Yeah.
03:01Breaks my heart, but I think we might have to euthanize.
03:06Stand back, boys.
03:08This is a job for Mr. Remington.
03:11Okay.
03:14Bye-bye, kitty cat.
03:19My orders, fire.
03:22You're going to order yourself to fire soon?
03:24Stop questioning my authority.
03:26Execute!
03:33That went so much better than anyone could have hoped for.
03:37Oh my goodness.
03:38Oh my goodness.
04:08Okay, people are still not conforming to recycling protocols.
04:12And once again, a half-eaten hamburger is not recyclable.
04:17Frank.
04:20Thank you, Dolores.
04:21Uh, Dolores, is this recyclable?
04:24Of course.
04:25Oh, terrific.
04:26Yeah, you've done that joke before.
04:28Well, when you see Elton John, you want him to play Rocket Man.
04:32Uh, Frank?
04:33Shred?
04:33Did anything happen recently that maybe I should be brought up to speed on?
04:37Which category?
04:38Routine checks or events that were hilarious and humbled a person who richly deserved it?
04:43Templeton filed a formal complaint, so now HR is involved.
04:46Uh, no.
04:47Not the department you want as the arbiter of humor.
04:50You know who's sneaky funny?
04:52Payroll.
04:52Look, Emily, we're really sorry you got dragged into this.
04:55But this is one of those rare occasions where our joy is worth the suffering it causes others.
05:00Well, I'm gonna be on the phone for the next five hours getting you guys out of trouble, so I'm
05:04not demanding it.
05:05But a large smoothie from the place that I like on the corner would be a really thoughtful surprise.
05:09Oh, absolutely, Emily.
05:10In fact, I'm gonna get smoothies for the entire office, including you, Dolores.
05:14Just a gentle reminder, those cups need to be rinsed before they're recycled.
05:18You bet.
05:19Along with the 400 straws I'm bringing you.
05:23Again?
05:24So sorry.
05:25No, absolutely.
05:26Captain, I hear you loud and clear.
05:28I added a papaya extract boost.
05:31It's an antioxidant.
05:33I figured with all the truck exhaust and environmental talks.
05:35No, I read about that.
05:37Do you know what else is supposed to be good?
05:38No, absolutely.
05:39I agree.
05:40It's a very, very serious incident.
05:43It's pomegranate extract.
05:45I've been taking it like before breakfast and I feel like I notice a difference in my skin.
05:49Yeah, you got a glow.
05:50Really?
05:51What are you doing for sun protection?
05:52You guess me, I'm 15, like a big floppy head.
05:55No, exactly, Captain.
05:57No, I spoke to the officers and it won't happen again.
06:00Okay, super triple promise.
06:02I'm leaving now.
06:03Sorry.
06:03Oh, wait.
06:04I forgot.
06:05I got you this morning, Glory Muffin.
06:07Crazy amount of fiber.
06:09Not that you need it.
06:09You don't come off as constipated at all.
06:13You know I'm no fan of Templeton, but come on, you went too far.
06:16Since at least the Bronze Age, pranks have been employed as a necessary form of workplace justice.
06:22Look, I don't like to get grandiose.
06:23Oh, you'd love to get grandiose.
06:25It's true.
06:25I am pretty good at it.
06:26But if jerks like Templeton go left unchecked, they become Vladimir Putin.
06:29So sometimes the children of light have to employ the methods of the children of darkness.
06:34What?
06:34A simple thank you is all I ask.
06:37And now, good day.
06:41Mmm.
06:43He's insufferable.
06:44That dude deserves some serious karmic payback.
06:47I don't really believe in karma.
06:51Too many bad things happen to me when I don't have it coming.
07:01I found this in the recycling bin.
07:03It's Frank's.
07:04Okay, you don't know that.
07:05It's a size 14 and it reeks of arrogance.
07:08You just give me a sec.
07:10What's with the pictures of Shred?
07:12Uh, no, nothing.
07:13I was doing some paperwork and I...
07:16Shred Taylor penis?
07:17No.
07:18No, no, no.
07:18That's not...
07:18No, that's not...
07:19Why were you Googling that?
07:20No, I...
07:21Why was it?
07:22No, well, I was looking up Shred because of, like, professional totally above word reasons.
07:26Um, and I think I just...
07:27I clicked the wrong button.
07:29Do you have a thing for him?
07:30No.
07:32No, no.
07:32He's my employee.
07:34And he has a girlfriend.
07:36And regardless of that, it's...
07:38No.
07:39His penis is frozen?
07:42Yeah.
07:44Yeah.
07:45Is or was.
07:46I don't know.
07:47It's unclear.
07:48How did you even find that?
07:49It's the third thing that pops up.
07:51Okay, it was Shred Taylor, Shred Taylor halfpipe, Shred Taylor frozen penis.
07:54You totally have a thing for him.
07:56No.
07:57We've just been carpooling a lot, and we like the same cheesy music, and I would never act on it.
08:02But, like, yeah, I looked him up, and it turns out when he was injured on the slopes, his, um,
08:07extremities were impacted by the cold.
08:09It's like a real-life condition that affects Sherpas and ice fishermen and snowboarders.
08:15Well?
08:17Well, what?
08:18Does it work?
08:19Okay, Dolores, none of the articles say anything about that, which is crazy,
08:24because it's all anyone wants to know.
08:26It's probably fine, but you should stop researching it.
08:28It's just going to make your crush worse.
08:29I don't want it to be fine.
08:30That's the whole thing.
08:31If it's, if it's broken, or if it's, like, at a weird angle, or if it's just, like, straight up
08:35gone,
08:35then I can just let this go.
08:38I'll go get my laptop.
08:40We'll get to the bottom of this.
08:41This is going to be so much fun.
08:47Oh, crap, it's still on.
08:49What?
08:51I hired a photographer to shoot our Christmas card tonight, and I've got boobs.
08:55Oh, no, you don't.
08:57I was going to lose 10 pounds before the shoot, but then you know what happened?
08:59I didn't.
09:00She got matching white satin shirts for the whole family.
09:04White satin, Victoria?
09:06Your wife's insane.
09:07Postponer.
09:07I think it's weird to be doing it this early anyway.
09:10It's a competition thing with her sister, and we're never going to win.
09:13They're a much more attractive family.
09:15Oh, yeah, you showed me a photo.
09:16That's gorgeous.
09:17Hey.
09:18Anyone want to volunteer for my vaccination clinic Saturday?
09:22Yeah.
09:22I would love to.
09:23That sounds great.
09:24Yes, absolutely.
09:25Great, thanks.
09:26My postdoc resident search will be coming for me.
09:29Oh, did you say this Saturday?
09:30Oh, I got a kick-stalker game, actually.
09:32Actually, I'm free.
09:34Really?
09:35Yeah, totally.
09:36You're my hero.
09:39You know what?
09:40I can do it.
09:41I have experience.
09:42I can move some stuff around.
09:43Oh, you're my hero.
09:44No.
09:45It's about the dogs, not about me.
09:47Aww.
09:49What about that?
09:50You just gave up your Saturday, and you still have no shot.
09:53I'm sorry.
09:54Did you get an aw from the hot vet?
09:56Are you her hero?
09:58Owen Frank, I heard what you did to Templeton, and I shouldn't admit this, but hilarious.
10:05Thanks.
10:07You know, it's rare when a hero is also so funny.
10:11Am I right?
10:13I don't think it was that funny.
10:15Oh, shoot.
10:16False alarm.
10:19You got me.
10:20I can't stop thinking about that kid.
10:23What kid?
10:24The kid that's going to come home, find his favorite stuffed animal blown to smithereens lying headless in the driveway.
10:30That kid.
10:31Look, I'm in a good mood.
10:32Why are you trying to bring me down?
10:34It's just, maybe we should try to replace it.
10:36Okay, what the hell?
10:37After lunch, we'll stop by a toy store.
10:38Nice.
10:38You happy?
10:39Yes.
10:42Whoa.
10:43This date just keeps getting better.
10:45You have her under hot vet?
10:46Yeah, I can't believe she's texting me.
10:48Okay, I gotta focus.
10:55What are you going to say?
10:56I don't know.
10:57I want to engage without coming on too strong.
11:03Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
11:05What do you think of this?
11:11You nailed it.
11:12Sin.
11:15Ha ha ha.
11:16Bingo.
11:17He's on the hook.
11:18What did he say?
11:19Just, hey.
11:20He's trying to play it down like it's no big deal, but I know that he's as giddy as a
11:24little schoolgirl.
11:25What are we going to text him?
11:26No, nothing yet.
11:27I'm going to make him sweat.
11:28But thank you, by the way.
11:30This was a genius idea.
11:32My wife does it all the time.
11:33I'll leave my phone somewhere, and when she calls me, her name comes up as suburban sex goddess or spicy
11:38mama or need almond milk.
11:40That one's just when she needs almond milk.
11:42No, I got that.
11:43Yeah.
11:43Anything?
11:44Nothing.
11:45Total silence.
11:47Three dots in a bubble.
11:48Here we go.
11:49So she's crafting her words carefully.
11:51Oh, hell yeah.
11:52Come on.
11:53Okay, how does this sound?
11:54My thing got canceled.
11:56So you'll be stuck with me all day Saturday.
12:00Yes!
12:00Dude, have some champagne chilled in the truck just in case.
12:03Right?
12:03It does feel officially safe to get cocky.
12:05Yes.
12:06Huh.
12:14Okay, there's got to be something.
12:16Do you have anything?
12:17Zero.
12:17And some of the websites I stumbled onto were not what I was thinking, and I'm scared there's going to
12:21be a knock on my door.
12:22Okay, this is maddening.
12:24I cannot be the only person in the universe who wants to know the condition of Shred Taylor's penis.
12:28All right, I'm going to use Patel's computer and hit the dark web.
12:35None of these are big enough.
12:36Okay, she just said, is it weird I'm texting you, you know, since we're co-workers.
12:41Well, that's a good point, you know, because it could get awkward.
12:44Are you sure you want to take it there?
12:46I would take a lifetime of awkward just to spend one night with her.
12:49So what do you think of this?
12:52Maybe a little.
12:53No, don't say that.
12:54You're going to get in her head.
12:55Exactly.
12:56Keep her off balance.
12:57Why would you want to do that?
12:57This is a game of chess.
12:58It's a battle of wits.
12:59No, it's more like a dance.
13:01And I'm not saying that just because I don't know how to play chess.
13:04Hold her hand.
13:05See where the music takes you.
13:07I haven't been on a date in five months, so I'm not letting you get in my head.
13:11I'm sticking with chess.
13:12I'm sending it.
13:13Fine.
13:15Look, we're wasting our time.
13:16I know where to get a giant stuffed animal.
13:18Wait, they have really good puzzles here.
13:21Maybe a little.
13:23What a jerk.
13:24Who even says that?
13:26Are you listening to me?
13:28I'm spinning out about this damn Christmas card.
13:30I'm going to be on refrigerators all over Seattle.
13:33A diet inspiration for pudgy middle-aged men.
13:35I just find it hilarious that Mr. Slobbering all over himself is suddenly Mr. Self-Control.
13:40He takes like ten minutes to craft each of his three-word replies.
13:43I'm going to be a white-satin man-boob reminder to put down the ice cream.
13:47I want to help my community.
13:48Yeah, but not like that.
13:49I'm going to tell him I had a dream about him last night.
13:52No, that's mean.
13:53Don't do that.
13:54Too mean or good mean?
13:55You know what I think?
13:56What do you think?
13:58I don't think you're getting off on the cruelty of the prank.
14:00I think you're just getting off.
14:02What?
14:02Yeah, I think you like the flirtation.
14:05I think you like him.
14:06Frank, that's crazy.
14:07Okay, then why?
14:08Why are you blushing?
14:09I'm not blushing.
14:10I'm emotionally tormenting someone because it's fun.
14:13I've got my flaws and I'm fine with it.
14:15At least your flaws are on the inside.
14:17Right?
14:18Truck 8, please respond.
14:19Kangaroo escaped from the Seattle Zoo.
14:21Zookeepers requesting backup.
14:23101 East Webster.
14:25Truck 8 responding.
14:27Okay, I'm going to need you to focus.
14:29Okay.
14:29I'm bringing out the big guns.
14:31I'm going to blow his horny little mind.
14:35Come on, no service?
14:37What is it, the bumper cars are interfering?
14:39Will you please knock these down so we can get out of here?
14:42I'm trying, Frank.
14:45What is going on?
14:46I thought you were an athlete.
14:47Yeah, in a leg-based sport, this is like an arm sport.
14:50There's wrist stuff and I've got to go back into cell service.
14:53See?
14:54It's not so easy.
14:55Excuse me, sir.
14:56How much for that huge line on the top row?
14:58Prices are not for sale.
15:00Look at that, Torette.
15:00We found the one carny with scruples.
15:02Can you believe it?
15:03We can earn them.
15:04Okay.
15:04Well, how about now?
15:09That might get you something from the second row.
15:11Like a little badger.
15:12But are you serious?
15:13We need the lion, Frank.
15:15How much for something from the top row?
15:18Three badgers.
15:20There's a cash machine by the funnel cake.
15:22Two and a half badgers.
15:23This is extortion.
15:24This was a very reasonable bribe.
15:27Excuse me, guys.
15:28Excuse me.
15:28Come through, guys.
15:30Officer Patel is Officer Sands.
15:32What's the situation?
15:33Jumping Jack.
15:35Second time he's escaped.
15:36Anyway, we got him trapped.
15:38What do you need from us?
15:39Not much.
15:40Just stay here and help keep away the look you lose.
15:42Okay.
15:43All right, Jack.
15:44Don't you need, like, a nut or something?
15:46Nah.
15:47Just grab him by the tail.
15:49All right, Jack.
15:50Vacation's over, buddy.
15:52Okay.
15:52Whoa.
15:53Oh.
15:54What should we do?
15:55Stand your ground.
15:57We'll sneak up from behind.
15:59Oh.
15:59Hey, mate.
16:01Just like this?
16:02G'day.
16:03Hello.
16:04What's he doing?
16:07Don't mess with me, Kangaroo.
16:09I'll box golden gloves.
16:11He's got a crazy look in his eye.
16:13Keep him engaged.
16:14Roger.
16:14I'll end up the trash talk.
16:16What do you weigh?
16:17140?
16:17Huh?
16:18Walk your weight's got nothing on me, Jack.
16:20I'm 160.
16:21Wouldn't telling him your real weight be scarier?
16:24Don't press on my insecurities.
16:25He doesn't seem afraid of you.
16:27Oh, yeah?
16:28Yeah.
16:29You ready to go?
16:30Because I'm ready to go.
16:31Oh.
16:33That's got to hurt.
16:35Yeah.
16:36You okay?
16:37Keep it up.
16:38Just a little longer.
16:40Is that all you got?
16:42Oh.
16:43Oh, mate.
16:45Ow.
16:45Yeah.
16:46Down you go.
16:47Okay.
16:48We got him.
16:49Good work, officer.
16:52See ya.
16:54How you doing down there?
16:55Yeah?
16:56You're a bit winded.
16:57Come on, come on, come on, come on.
17:00Oh, finally.
17:01A signal.
17:02Three bars.
17:04She wants me to come over tonight for a quote-unquote drink.
17:09Holy moly, the hot vet and me.
17:12Night to queen four.
17:15What?
17:16It's chess.
17:24I can't believe I got my ass kicked by a kangaroo.
17:28Oh, Mrs. Claus is texting you.
17:30Crap, I forgot about the photo shoot.
17:34Which I no longer have to do.
17:37Maya's not going to want a Christmas card with this hideous face on it.
17:44Everything's coming up, Patel!
18:05Ah!
18:10Uh.
18:12By any chance, are you someone we work with's roommate?
18:16The hot vet just doesn't seem like the type to do something like this.
18:20Colette.
18:20Frank, her name is Colette.
18:22Colette the vet?
18:23That's unfortunate.
18:24This is ridiculous.
18:25I'm just going to call her.
18:29Ah.
18:30Yes.
18:33Hello.
18:34Victoria?
18:35What are you doing with hot vet's phone?
18:36You tell me.
18:37You're the expert on pranks.
18:39Oh my God, it was you?
18:40Sometimes the children of the light need to use the methods of the children of darkness.
18:46The whole time?
18:47How does it feel?
18:48Bad.
18:49It feels really bad.
18:50Yeah.
18:50But I gotta say, I'm a little impressed.
18:52If I were wearing a cap, I would tip it to you.
18:55Oh, I would love that.
18:57But did you learn anything?
18:58Yes, that I can dish it out, but I absolutely can't take it.
19:01So will you start pranking people so much?
19:02No, but I will be more vigilant about not getting gotten myself.
19:06And I don't know when, it may take years, but I will retaliate.
19:24Colette.
19:24I know.
19:25I had high hopes for this evening, and I splurged.
19:27What about one glass?
19:30That seems fair.
19:32Yeah.
19:33I gotta say, you are being very not horrible about all this.
19:40Hey, can I ask you something?
19:42Has Shred ever mentioned an unusual sports injury?
19:45Oh, you read about the frozen penis thing and want to know if it still works?
19:48There's been some discussion.
19:49Oh, I've asked him.
19:50And it's A-OK.
19:53And I've seen it in the restroom.
19:55It's, and I don't know how else to describe it.
20:00Gorgeous.
20:01It's pristine.
20:02Like a Renaissance artist sculpted it and then killed himself because he could do no finer work.
20:06God, that guy just glides through life.
20:08The universe is truly garbage.
20:11Would it be unpleasant if I joined you for a glass?
20:14It would not be unpleasant.
20:16As long as you properly recycled that bottle.
20:19Did you just make a joke?
20:22Maybe.
20:24I hope the kid likes it.
20:26This is really nice of you.
20:28No, it's not that big a deal.
20:30Um, uh-oh.
20:35No.
20:36Okay, buddy.
20:37Are you kidding?
20:41Ready to go?
20:42You all right?
20:43Yeah.
20:43Oh, yeah.
20:44Okay.
20:46Boom.
20:47What?
20:48Down the street.
20:49Oh, wow.
20:55Frank was, it is majestic.
20:59It's beautiful.
21:03Um, but also super dangerous.
21:05So maybe we should get back in the car and report it.
21:08Oh, yeah.
21:09Yeah.
21:09We should be fast.
21:10Oh, my God.
21:12All units, two off-duty officers report a cougar at 425 Knoll Drive.
21:18Officer Dodge responding.
21:19I am instructing the reporting officers to take their fake cougar and shove it up their
21:26over.
21:31No one can know about this.
21:33Obviously.
21:34This is like a one, one-and-a-half-time thing.
21:37Obviously.
21:38Excuse me.
21:39Because you would.
21:42You'd be a smash priest.
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