- 1 day ago
- #celebsgodating
- #datingshow
- #realitytv
Get ready for a fresh batch of dating disasters and romantic revelations as the agency opens its doors once again! This season kicks off with a bang, as familiar faces and new hopefuls alike navigate the choppy waters of modern romance.
Our agents are faced with the challenge of matching individuals who are ready to find 'the one,' but perhaps aren't quite sure how to get there themselves. Expect hilarious miscommunications, unexpected spark, and plenty of awkward silences as our glamorous clients put themselves back on the market.
Will love blossom under the watchful eyes of the dating experts? Tune in to see some truly memorable dates and discover if this group can finally find their perfect match.
#CelebsGoDating #DatingShow #RealityTV
Our agents are faced with the challenge of matching individuals who are ready to find 'the one,' but perhaps aren't quite sure how to get there themselves. Expect hilarious miscommunications, unexpected spark, and plenty of awkward silences as our glamorous clients put themselves back on the market.
Will love blossom under the watchful eyes of the dating experts? Tune in to see some truly memorable dates and discover if this group can finally find their perfect match.
#CelebsGoDating #DatingShow #RealityTV
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Short filmTranscript
00:01Celebs Go Day In is back!
00:08Kicking off the line-up this year, we've got the lean, mean rapping machine, Professor Green.
00:15I might be asexual.
00:17All green, no beans.
00:18Pop legend and loose woman, Colleen Nolan.
00:22Hi, how are you? I'm in the mood.
00:23England rugby colossus, James Haskell.
00:26This is scary.
00:28Aussie math star, Lucinda Lyne.
00:31Three since, four since, more since.
00:33Love Islander and SAS survivor, Gabby Allen.
00:37I'm just in the business.
00:38Enjoy!
00:40And making his return, the reality icon...
00:44Hello, you cheeky boggers!
00:46David Parks.
00:47I'm ready for someone to put a bloody ring on it.
00:50And if that's not enough, dropping in later, we've got baller and YouTuber, PK Humble.
00:55I'm not going to do a number two, I promise.
00:57OK.
00:58Oh, God!
00:59Can this lot put in the graft?
01:01It's looking for someone with a pulse.
01:03This is really bad.
01:04Why kiss it?
01:05Swerve the drama.
01:07Did you kiss him?
01:09I would love to get a step ladder and climb up you.
01:12And overcome heartache.
01:14It felt so easy to fall in love and be in love.
01:18People don't hear men talk about this, right?
01:22To find the one.
01:23People have always told me that they can imagine me with a rugby player.
01:26Oh, really?
01:27I mean, I've got to not say stuff.
01:29This is going to be good.
01:30Who would you like to bring with you to Tenerife?
01:32Wow!
01:33Sexy, baby!
01:34Hello!
01:34That's our celebs!
01:35My dick is cuddling.
01:37Yo!
01:38You could do a lot of spunking in here.
01:40Dating?
01:41My tits might fall out.
01:42Oh, I don't know if I'm excited or I'm going to be sick.
01:48What the heck?
01:50Welcome to a brand new series of Celebs Go Dating.
01:55This year, we're kicking things off in the capital with, no, not a mixer.
01:59The celebs are being treated to one of Tom Reid Wilson's infamous DP sessions.
02:06It's a dinner party.
02:08Oh!
02:10Seriously, don't you pick an apple?
02:12Here you go.
02:13Before the agents set them on their dating journeys,
02:16they want to know exactly who they're working with
02:18at an intimate Spill the Beans dinner soiree.
02:21Yum yum.
02:23Now I'm just going to tug you gingerly.
02:26Mmm, he's touching cloth.
02:28Yeah.
02:29So let's dispense with the needless fluffing and start stuffing this place.
02:33Because our first celeb is here.
02:35And hold up, it is massive.
02:38Needing no introduction.
02:41He might have lost himself, but he's here to find romance.
02:46Yes!
02:47It is!
02:49Ah, of course.
02:51You saw him at the start.
02:52With a PhD in hip-hop, now looking for an education in love,
02:57is Professor Green.
02:58This ain't so stereotypical, man.
03:01Not for a stereotypical man.
03:03It should be me the ones that get rid of you.
03:05Hello, my name is Steven Manderson.
03:09Hello, Steven.
03:10People may know me better by the name Professor Green.
03:14I'd say so, yeah.
03:15I would describe myself as awkward, annoying, intolerable, insufferable, but kind.
03:21Pro-G and Made in Chelsea star Millie McIntosh divorced in 2016.
03:27Then Steven became a dad in 2021 before splitting up with his partner six months ago.
03:33Being a dad and having a son is the most important and most significant thing in my life.
03:39If someone's going on a date with me, I would much rather than not have Googled me.
03:43But then, again, low expectations are easy to exceed.
03:48I can't wait to get in front of Paul and be like, assess me.
03:50Tell me where I've gone wrong.
03:51I clearly need some help.
03:55Professor Green.
03:56Steven, please. Good evening.
03:58How you doing?
03:59Drop the title.
04:01It's just a nom de bloom.
04:03I don't know what that means.
04:04It'll be something to do with plums knowing Tom.
04:06Your work is splime.
04:07I suffer with compliments, by the way, so...
04:09Oh, do you?
04:10Yeah, if I seem awkward, it's because I am.
04:12I will stem the flow in that case, because I can be like a machine gun volley often.
04:16Yeah, well shove a thumb up your barrel, Tom, because the next celeb is inbound.
04:22It's former Richard and Judy's son-in-law, James Haskell.
04:25He played some rugby too.
04:27I played rugby.
04:27I was very lucky to play for my country.
04:29I was lucky to play around the world.
04:31I now DJ make music.
04:39James was previously married to TV presenter and personal trainer, Chloe Maidley.
04:44I was with Chloe, I met her in 2015, and we got married, got a daughter called Bodie, who's three
04:51and a bit.
04:52You know, we separated two and a half years ago now.
04:56Dating later on in your life is definitely a bit like the Wild West.
05:00It doesn't matter how big you are, how cool you think you are, going up to a girl and ask
05:04for the number and then getting dismissed still digs you out.
05:08Oh, not for me that.
05:09I've got high expectations of the agents.
05:12Every day's a school day and school's in session.
05:14What could possibly go wrong?
05:16You'd be surprised the massive bloke from the chase drunk a candle last year.
05:21Hang on, where's the crutch come from?
05:22He didn't have one on the walking in shots.
05:24How's he injured himself already?
05:26How you doing? I'm James.
05:27Lovely to meet you. How are you? How are you?
05:28Lovely to meet you.
05:30It's not just for sympathy.
05:31No, no, I wish it was. I wish it was. It's a hell of a story, but no.
05:34Do you know, you and I have an awful lot in common.
05:36Do we?
05:36Mmm.
05:37You've both seen Richard Madeley's knob?
05:39And we've both been in the jungle.
05:40I know, you were amazing.
05:41Ah, yeah, that was it.
05:42Did you have to eat anything, Garst?
05:44I had to drink pig's penis.
05:45Pig's vagina, I didn't mind, because I had it in solid and liquid form.
05:49Oh, yeah?
05:49And in solid form, it was a bit like a, kind of a, a bacon-y radish.
05:53But hairier, I suspect.
05:55What, normal conversation.
05:56Perfect, perfect.
05:57As these two jungle vets swap war stories, strutting now a tastier treat.
06:02We're going up, up, up, it's bacon.
06:05She's bacon-y, and I'm talking smote.
06:07It's the radishing, bite-sized Love Islander, Gabby Allen.
06:12I'm Gabby, I'm 33, and you might know me from Love Island and Celebrity SAS.
06:17Love Island was an amazing experience because I just sit there in a bikini and have a lovely
06:22time, and then SAS is the complete opposite.
06:28Shit, is that toadfish?
06:30It's hell on earth, but so rewarding.
06:33Let's go!
06:34Gabby!
06:34Not toadfish!
06:36Leave him alone!
06:37I've been single for two years.
06:39Everyone that I'm going for is just about initial impressions, and then it all goes downhill.
06:44I have the worst beer goggles.
06:47Give me a margarita, and I'll snog anyone.
06:49Barman, one margarita, please.
06:51And some mint.
06:51I'm 33, and I feel like all the good ones might be taken by now.
06:55However, statistically, they'll probably be divorced soon, and then I can probably get
06:58with them once they're out of that first marriage.
07:01Come to me with better equipment.
07:04Doubt it.
07:05Their equipment won't have been used since having kids.
07:07Agents, bring them to me.
07:11Oh, my God!
07:12I'm so nervous.
07:13I'm so excited.
07:14Oh!
07:14Can I give you a libation?
07:16Yes, please.
07:17Will that help?
07:18Hello.
07:19How are you?
07:20Nice to meet you.
07:21Oh, it's lovely to meet you.
07:23Oh, perfect.
07:23In between two guys already?
07:25Both divorced?
07:26Right up your alley, Gabby.
07:27You look as braced and ready for romance as anybody ever could.
07:32Okay, that's good.
07:33He didn't say that to us.
07:34Hard luck, Haskell.
07:36Well, brace yourself for another Tom, because our next celebs are always ready for romance.
07:41It's the wonder from down under, Aussie master Lucinda Light.
07:45I'm Lucinda Light.
07:47G'day.
07:47I am 45 years of age, and I'm looking for love.
07:52After married at first sight, I'm ready to take a punt on love again.
07:56Walking toward him, I thought, ooh, solid and nice bum.
08:00Like, I was actually just checking him out, being a total pearl.
08:04Much like my wife on our wedding day, dirty cow.
08:07I want some top-tier, quality, fabulous men that have got their shit together.
08:15Dr Tara talks about big plush energy, but in Australia we call it big pussy energy.
08:21And that's what I'm here to do, bring my big pussy energy.
08:24Yeah, not sure if UK men are looking for a big pussy.
08:27I'll be honest with you.
08:28I'm a juicy wet and wild woman, you know, splish splash, so let's go.
08:33I hope Tom's brought his caution wet floor sign.
08:36Or at least a mop and bucket.
08:37Can I have you a eagle?
08:38Yeah.
08:39That is a bald eagle, isn't it?
08:41Eyes up, Tommy boy.
08:43Is it bald?
08:44You should know.
08:45I suppose they all are.
08:46It is utterly majestic.
08:48Ah, we're talking about her dress.
08:50Shame.
08:50Also, the other thing I like about it is that the talons are out.
08:54Yes.
08:55Ready to clasp some prey.
08:57It is a metaphor.
08:59I am ready to claw them in, let's go.
09:02Having got an eye full of Lucinda's bald eagle, I'm in the mood for another love-hungry celeb.
09:09It's pop royalty and loose women legend, Colleen Nolan.
09:14I'm probably best known for loose women.
09:17But just take the brow off.
09:19Oh, no, Kay.
09:21Why?
09:22Because then I can tuck them in my chub rub knickers.
09:26I'm not selling myself, am I?
09:28Any form of dating app is out the window.
09:31Not true.
09:32My mate Sad Alan met his wife on chubbrubbers.com.
09:35Also, from my singing days with the Nolan sisters.
09:39I'm in the voice of every day.
09:42It was a mad time, it was an amazing time.
09:46I'm very romantic.
09:47I have been in love on numerous occasions.
09:51My first marriage ended because of infidelities.
09:55Husband number one was none other than Eastender Alfie Moon, a.k.a. Shane Ritchie.
10:01Then my second marriage just grew apart.
10:04I've been single for about 18 months.
10:08I kind of need help.
10:10You want to be a part of my life, then we're a team.
10:12I'm not there to be your servant.
10:14Unless you ask nicely.
10:16God almighty, what the hell am I doing?
10:21Oh, look at you.
10:25Beautiful Scarlet.
10:26Oh, thank you.
10:27This is most becoming most.
10:29Can I offer you a tip?
10:30I just want to listen to him all day.
10:32Yeah, she's a loose woman.
10:33She can take hours of pointless drivel.
10:35I'm so nervous.
10:36I know, it is terribly nerve-wracking.
10:39I also think the nerves are such a good sign because they're a sign of caring deeply.
10:43Yes.
10:43You're right.
10:44You know.
10:44And last up, someone who's never knowingly nervous.
10:48Yes, ding, ding, he's back in the ring.
10:50The one, the only, David Potts.
10:54I'm back.
10:58Agents, I'm ready for round two.
11:01Hi, I'm David Potts and I am 32 years old.
11:05I know I don't look it.
11:06Who's going to tell him?
11:08I would describe myself as a nice, fun, bubbly character with a big gob and very long legs.
11:18Shake it down to the floor, get low, get low.
11:20I've done Ibiza Weekender, Celebrity Karaoke Club, Slebs on the Farm, Celebrity Big Brother.
11:25I have done Slebs Gordain, but that was eight years ago.
11:28I do want someone as tall as me, if not a little bit taller.
11:32Someone who's straight acting, beefy, lighter coloured hair than me.
11:35Straight acting, beefy, light hair.
11:37I'm here for you, big boy.
11:39Wrap those legs round me.
11:40This time, I want a man, I want a husband.
11:44I've had situationships, I've been seeing people, but I've never had a.
11:48We are boyfriend and boyfriend.
11:54You're corresponding, you're shimmering.
11:57I'm so excited, guys.
11:59We've been so excited to have you restored to our bosom.
12:02Thank you, my love.
12:03We really, really have.
12:05You might be a bomb for everybody's souls, because everybody's feeling very, very nervous.
12:11Oh no, guys, it's so much fun.
12:14Because you did it once before.
12:16Yeah, I did this like eight years ago.
12:18Definitely a different mindset for me this time.
12:20Yeah, there's been an evolution, I can see.
12:22Yeah, for sure.
12:23Yeah, alright, Tom, that'll do.
12:25They're chuffing, starving, and you've promised them some grub.
12:28Shall we get a move on?
12:28Well, darlings, it's time for you to follow me.
12:32Oh.
12:33Here we go.
12:34Where's he taking us?
12:35Trust me, sometimes it's best not to ask.
12:40Just feels ineffably grand.
12:42And speaking of grand, I reckon the little fella has pulled a blinder here.
12:46Very plush.
12:47Full marks, Thomas.
12:48Oh, wow.
12:50Wow.
12:50Oh, wow.
12:52Now, you will find your name cards, hither and yon.
12:55Oh, my word.
12:56That is so stunning.
12:58Why are we so spread apart?
12:59Obviously, there are three holes.
13:03One up top, one up front, and one round the back.
13:05For special occasions only.
13:07And these gaps are to be filled.
13:09Where's he going with this?
13:11By the Merlins of romance.
13:15Well, hocus pocus my bum hole.
13:18If it isn't the magic circle of love themselves,
13:21alaka bloody zam, it's...
13:23The one, the only, Mr. Paul C. Brunson.
13:28Relationship guru, Anna Williamson.
13:31And pint-sized sexpert, Dr. Tara.
13:37Oh, my goodness.
13:45It is so good to be back with a whole new bunch of celebs
13:48all looking for love.
13:50I cannot wait to get under their skin
13:52and find out what makes them tick.
13:55Bring it on.
13:55This is going to be epic.
13:57Hi.
13:57How you doing?
13:58Hello, my love.
13:59Well, this is a bit boosh.
14:01I know, it's gorgeous, isn't it?
14:03Can I give a big hello to everyone at this table?
14:07Yes.
14:07Very much.
14:08I want to say hello and welcome.
14:10Oh, God.
14:11Tension music already?
14:12What's going on, Paul?
14:14What you're about to go on is going to be
14:16the most incredible ride, okay?
14:19How are you all feeling about that?
14:21Everyone looks a little bit nervous.
14:22I just took a deep breath and I haven't let it out yet.
14:25Tonight is not about an ordinary dinner at all.
14:28This is a dinner party with a twist.
14:31Grub my job.
14:32We are so back.
14:42Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
14:45where the class of 26 have had a good old probing by Tom
14:48and now he's handed them over to the Brundog,
14:50who's wasted no time in getting straight down to business.
14:55Tonight is not about an ordinary dinner at all.
14:58This is a dinner party with a twist.
15:03This time we're doing things differently.
15:07So we can truly understand who you are and what you need.
15:12Wow.
15:13The agents are on full banter lockdown.
15:15F-B-L.
15:17Now, it may not be the mixer you were expecting,
15:19but don't worry because one is coming, all right?
15:23And it will keep you firmly on your dating toes.
15:25Oh, I don't know if I'm excited or I'm going to be sick.
15:28I have a question.
15:29It's to James.
15:30Yes.
15:31You present very confident.
15:33For someone who really presents as you've got your act together,
15:36right, when you look back at the marriage,
15:39where did it go wrong?
15:41Cheers, Paul, for that.
15:42Absolutely no time for a starter before you're already demanding
15:45to know the inner workings of my marriage.
15:48It's very easy in a relationship to talk about the other person.
15:51Look, you're only in control of how you behave.
15:53And I think, you know, pretty early on when we had a daughter,
15:57it coincided with me having lots of DJ trips away.
16:00And it was the first time that part of my career was going really well
16:03and I probably took the piss a little bit,
16:05but I'd stay out an extra night, you know,
16:07and I should have come home.
16:08And I probably just didn't support her enough
16:11and I didn't get that stuff right.
16:12So I was very excited to come here, be open-minded,
16:15let you tell me what you think.
16:17And sometimes you need to look at your own kind of behaviours,
16:21the way you are.
16:22I'm sort of really keen to kind of explore that
16:24and maybe just have some of the rough edges smoothed off, you know,
16:27and see if I can make it work and be better.
16:30Thank you so much for sharing.
16:31And I think what you've done is you've just given everyone permission
16:35to be able to be just as vulnerable.
16:37So thank you.
16:38Bravo. Thank you.
16:39Stephen, you seem quite nervous.
16:41Yeah.
16:42Yeah.
16:42Yeah.
16:43He looks like he's about to drop a little Professor Brown.
16:46What are you nervous about?
16:47Everything.
16:48Yeah, all of it at the moment.
16:50But do you know what?
16:52I'd love to get under the hood of the psychology, you know?
16:55I'd love to hear from people who actually know what they're doing
16:58as far as dating and love.
17:01About myself, I think we're always our own blind spots.
17:04Man's going deep.
17:05So I would like to get under the...
17:07I'd like to get under my hood.
17:08You wouldn't want to get under mine unless I've had a shower.
17:11Because it stinks of quavers and guilt.
17:13My situation is difficult.
17:16But this is going to be an education for me.
17:19Very honest.
17:20That was intense.
17:21Now, is there any actual food coming at this dinner party?
17:24Or is it just truth tapas?
17:25Lucinda, you got married to a man that you've never seen before.
17:29Like, how was that?
17:30A wild experience and so much fun.
17:33Yeah, I'd love to find that person that I can sort of do
17:37the next incarnation with.
17:39I think, you know, yeah, sometimes I get a bit doubtful
17:43or a bit like, oh, God, you know, who would take this journey on?
17:48Yes.
17:48Well, you know, listening, you're in the right place.
17:50Yeah.
17:51Because we are taking that journey on.
17:52Yes.
17:53Yes.
17:53I'm excited and bring it on.
17:55Brilliant.
17:56Now, can we have some food?
17:57Ah, finally!
17:58Have a word with the staff, Tom.
18:00Yes.
18:00You should do grace.
18:01You should say grace or something.
18:02Thank you, love.
18:05Well, bon appetit.
18:07Bon?
18:08Leave it out, Anna.
18:09Even I know it's bon.
18:10Give your head a wobble.
18:17So how long have you been married for?
18:19I've been married now for three years.
18:21I've been together with my husband for six years.
18:24Oh, nice.
18:24And I also have a boyfriend here for the last seven months.
18:27I'm Polly.
18:28No, you're not.
18:29You're Dr. T.
18:30It seems you've got a boyfriend here.
18:31Yeah, yeah.
18:32I'm in an ethical, non-monogamous relationship, so I'm Polly.
18:36Oh, she means polyamorous.
18:38God, that is so Dr. T.
18:39A husband and a lover.
18:41So greedy.
18:42Double dick.
18:43My husband dates other people as well.
18:45Legend.
18:46You have to work really hard on that, otherwise it's very difficult.
18:48People think it's like, they get past the sort of amusement side of it,
18:52then it's very much work, communication.
18:54But it's as hard as monogamy.
18:57You know, I'm curious, on that note, is who around the table would be open
19:01to have an ethical, non-monogamous relationship?
19:05And Colleen, I'd love to start with you.
19:10You know, because, you know, my wife and I were looking for a...
19:13No.
19:16Can I just say, I was going to say, oh, no, I couldn't deal with that.
19:19But now...
19:22It depends on with who.
19:23Wow.
19:24I think I would be open to it at this point in my life, yeah.
19:27You'd be open to it.
19:27Respect, cool.
19:28I'll see what Lou says and get back to you.
19:29Is that something that you've done before?
19:32I have explored it before, yes.
19:35With my last partner, who was a female.
19:37Okay.
19:38I gave it a go, but actually realised within it that I'm quite hetero.
19:42But I gave it a red hot shot.
19:43I am all about the exploration.
19:46Map the way for me, Dr T.
19:48I am here to look for a partner, but I don't mind having a bit of fun
19:54in the water park en route, if you know what I mean.
19:56Splish splash.
19:57From my experience, if you start heavy petting in the water park,
20:00they'll route you to the exit.
20:01But you know, exploration is beautiful because it allows you to get clarity for yourself.
20:07That's it.
20:08You know, if you've never explored, how would you actually know?
20:11Yeah.
20:12Well, David, when you were here last time, I wasn't here.
20:16You wasn't.
20:17Uh-uh.
20:18Uh-uh.
20:19So please, please tell us, like, why are you back at the agency?
20:22Oh, God.
20:23Um, I think last time I was very emotionally unintelligent.
20:31Whereas this time, my head space is I actually don't give a shit
20:38about being judged about my vulnerabilities.
20:43Is she playing Invisible Castanets?
20:45Oh, so I'm ready for someone to put a bloody ring on it.
20:48Oh.
20:50Ha.
20:51Knew it.
20:51I believe that that is out there and that's what I want.
20:54But what does that true love look like for you physically?
20:57Can you, like, describe him?
20:58Oh, what he looks like?
21:00Yeah.
21:00Can you describe him?
21:00Oh, for sure.
21:01So tall.
21:02This is probably a trigger for Anna and Paul.
21:03It is, actually.
21:05Taller.
21:06Older.
21:07Be fit.
21:08Yeah, be fit.
21:09Like a be fit.
21:10Like a be fit.
21:11Older, tall.
21:12So you're describing Paul Brunson?
21:14Yeah, for sure.
21:15I've been trying for six years, but...
21:18Yeah, well, it's my turn now.
21:20My turn now.
21:21But you just went straight for Colleen, which is rude.
21:26All right, well, you're ready for love.
21:28You're ready for marriage.
21:29Gabby, what about you?
21:33I don't know.
21:34I don't actually know what I'm doing wrong.
21:37It's because I like people and they're probably wrong for me.
21:41And usually they're younger.
21:42I feel like sometimes I might compromise on things just because I'm so attracted to them.
21:49And then they end up just being awful for me.
21:52However, I've dated people and that's been missing and I'm just not fulfilled at all.
21:57Because I want to be with somebody that makes me feel alive.
22:01And also I need to be put in my feminine energy as well.
22:05Because I feel like...
22:06I'm sorry.
22:07Did you say you need to be put in your feminine energy?
22:10Yeah.
22:10So you need someone else to put you in your feminine energy.
22:13Okay.
22:14Is that wrong?
22:15Very.
22:16Yeah.
22:16Okay.
22:17So, I mean, I want somebody to make me feel safe and secure.
22:24Because I feel like that is my role within my family.
22:28So having somebody that makes me feel like that.
22:33Yes.
22:34And that's all I want to say.
22:35You deserve that.
22:36Yes.
22:37You know what's wild is I've never felt like we've started an agency with this level of intimacy.
22:43Aw.
22:44Yes.
22:45Can I just say, while you say that, that this is the first show I've ever thought I really want
22:52to do that show.
22:53Wow.
22:54I've never done that about another show.
22:56Ever.
22:57Ha!
22:57In your face, loose women ladies.
22:59I think because I've reached a part in my life where I genuinely would like to meet someone.
23:05I have met people.
23:07I have been on the dating apps.
23:08I think what I'm looking for is really hard to find for me.
23:12What do you want?
23:13I think because I'm looking for Mr Everyday Normal.
23:16Have you considered having breakfast in Wetherspoons?
23:19I live a very normal life.
23:20I very rarely go to big celebrity things.
23:23You know, I've got a little farm with all my animals and that's where I'm at my happiest.
23:27And so I think trying to meet someone that can just accept that and accept me as me and not
23:33my celebrity status or be intimidated by it at the same time.
23:38And that's where I'm finding it hard because I've met a lot of guys and we've had a connection and
23:42they've been very honest and go, I just don't think I can live in your world.
23:46And I'm like, I don't know what you think my world is.
23:50Sometimes I just like someone at home to put their arms around me when I get in and go, do
23:53you know what?
23:54It's all going to be okay.
23:55We're going to be okay.
23:57This year was the first time that I've ever had to put Christmas decorations up on my own.
24:02Aww.
24:03I remember being in the house thinking, oh shit, I'm lonely.
24:08Oh, Colleen, that's so sad.
24:11Don't worry, you're in the right place.
24:12We'll sort you out.
24:13So, no pressure, but you are my last chance to lose.
24:17You either do something or I die alone.
24:20Well, we can't have that happen.
24:22We can't have that happen.
24:23Darlings all, your candor has been utterly delicious and I want to reward you with a delicious dessert.
24:33Oh.
24:34Have you baked us a cake?
24:35Well, possibly.
24:38Dessert is served.
24:41Oh shit, what's this?
24:44Wait, that's not a tiramisu.
24:47Someone's coming.
24:48Is this your twist, Paul?
24:49Yes.
24:50Oh God, who is it?
24:52What's going on?
25:03Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where Tom is about to serve our new celebs with some delicious dessert.
25:09I hope he's not just been to the kitchen to add extra cream.
25:13Oh.
25:14Dessert is served.
25:18I'm actually shaking.
25:19Yeah, I get it like that with sticky toffee pudding, custard, cream and sauce.
25:23In the form of...
25:26Colleen's beloved sister, Maureen.
25:28Woo-hoo!
25:33David's best friend, Ellie.
25:36No way!
25:37Oh my God!
25:39Jesus, I could hear you all way up there!
25:42Hi everyone!
25:44Get over here.
25:45Stephen's childhood friend, Lewis.
25:49Oh ho ho ho ho!
25:50Oh ho ho ho!
25:52Well, come on, Lewis.
25:53Seeing Lewis walking in my immediate reaction.
25:57Oh God, what's he gonna say?
26:00Gabby's dear friend, Lyle.
26:03Welcome, Lyle.
26:05He's just go pear-shaped.
26:06He knows too much.
26:08Lucinda's cousin, Tom.
26:11That's me, Lyle!
26:13And James's mum, Susie.
26:17The one!
26:19Oh, she's a diva.
26:20She is!
26:21I'm so glad you all turned up.
26:25Enjoy your desserts, everybody, and I will see you at the agency.
26:31Sorry, can I check, are there any actual desserts coming?
26:35Friends and family can often see where the celebrities' love lives are going wrong.
26:39Often things that the celebrities themselves just cannot see.
26:43So these are very much the best people to help us understand our new clients.
26:49We all love mums, don't we?
26:52So we wanna hear from Susie.
26:55Oh my God.
26:56Mum is an absolute loose cannon at the best of times.
26:59I am dreading what's gonna come out of her mouth as long as she does not upset my ex.
27:05James is not what he appears to be.
27:09He actually, underneath, is extremely sensitive.
27:14I'm not sure where he's gone wrong, because prior to his marriage, I met lots of lovely girlfriends.
27:23Um, each of them just loved me, that's a bonus.
27:28I never saw James squirm like that playing rugby.
27:31I do have quite a strong opinion why I think it went wrong.
27:37You can't have two stars, because you have them competing for the floor space all the time.
27:46That explains why no-one's seen Richard and Judy in the same room for 30 years.
27:51In the past, he's been extremely popular.
27:54I mean, I've seen at rugby matches where elderly ladies have gotten very close to him.
28:00What are your hopes for James at the end of this process?
28:04He needs someone that can see.
28:06We'll tell him to stop with the elderly then.
28:08The softness of him.
28:11Oh right, I thought he meant eyes.
28:13Coupled with quite a brilliant intellect, because he's written seven books.
28:19Wow, quite the offer.
28:21And I think three of them were on the Times best-selling list.
28:25Who's counting? I am.
28:28I've got copies for everyone.
28:30Has he got pictures? Because if not, it'll be hard pass for David.
28:34Okay, up next.
28:35Stephen, you seem so keen.
28:37When you walked in, I was overjoyed.
28:40I mean, look, I'm not here to throw you under the bus or nothing though.
28:42But like, Stephen is a nightmare.
28:45Oh, wow.
28:46He's not just thrown him under the bus, he's reversed it back over him.
28:50You've been unlucky in love, and yeah, I think you've got your work cut out.
28:54And then driven over him again.
28:56So you think about Stephen on a date.
28:59I can't, I don't even want to imagine Stephen on a date.
29:01It's ghastly.
29:03Don't be fooled by the tattoos and the lyrics.
29:05I think it's a little bit, a bit clumsy, a bit clunky, but quite cute.
29:10Give us an example of that.
29:11Oh, not the C word.
29:12Louis, tear me a new one.
29:14Thank you, Louis.
29:15Cheers, mate.
29:16Appreciate it.
29:17So, let's go to Lucinda here.
29:19Okay, with Tommy.
29:20So, I'm curious.
29:22What do you believe Lucinda needs in her life?
29:26A man.
29:28A man-man.
29:29Lulu is looking for love.
29:32Genuine love.
29:33And has been for a long time.
29:36Lucy is a big character, which is wonderful.
29:40And we don't want someone to shrink Lucy's personality, but match it.
29:45Lulu has said that she has explored with a woman before.
29:50Naughty.
29:54That's what lockdown does to you.
29:57David Potts.
29:58He falls in love quite easy, does David.
30:01Like, at least once a week, I'll be like...
30:03They know that.
30:04I fall in love.
30:05I'm a sucker for love.
30:06Well, that's good.
30:07Do you know what I mean?
30:08I'm a sucker for love, guys.
30:10He's got his type.
30:11He's like, well, I want him to be this and that.
30:12If he's a bit shorter, and I know what you're thinking,
30:16give him a chance.
30:17He could be the love of your life.
30:19Ellie, if he's not even able to get on the rides at a theme park,
30:23he isn't going to be the love of my life.
30:25Next up, we have Gabby and Lyle.
30:29Oh.
30:29You know, she has a lot to offer.
30:31And, you know, anyone who knows her knows she's got a lot of layers there,
30:35but we don't necessarily see it enough because she's obviously terrified of what might...
30:39Judgment.
30:40The judgements.
30:41That it, Lyle.
30:42Fair play.
30:43Long on air, short on chat.
30:45We would love to know, Maureen, a little bit more about Colleen.
30:49Colleen has just got so much to give.
30:52The problem is that when she meets someone, she falls in love so easily
30:57and gives so much immediately.
31:01Sometimes comes back to bite her on the ass a little bit.
31:05I kind of like that.
31:08Do you find sexual connection important?
31:11Yes.
31:12Is that something that you're looking for as well?
31:14Well, I didn't think I was.
31:16And I'd heard all this thing about menopause,
31:18how women lose their sexual libido when everything goes like the Sahara Desert.
31:23And it's gone the complete opposite for me.
31:26I don't know what's happened.
31:29Susie.
31:32Oh, God.
31:33Susie, for James' sake, will everyone say nothing?
31:37Can I just say I'm loving James' face with his mother sitting next to him in this conversation?
31:43Torture.
31:44This is torture.
31:46So now, celebs, your night is not over.
31:50But friends and family, your night is.
31:56Right, so now the celebs in a circle have stitched them up.
31:59They're off to drink the free bar dry.
32:01Bye, baby.
32:03While the experts have yet another surprise in store.
32:06We have some envelopes.
32:08Each one is personalised to you.
32:11Yeah, that's generally how envelopes work, Dr. T.
32:13Otherwise, it's a free-for-all.
32:14These are your first dates.
32:16Woo!
32:17Yes!
32:20Oh, my God.
32:21This is getting real.
32:22I am just ready to lean in and go for it.
32:25How exciting.
32:26Let's go.
32:27David, if you would like to open your envelope, please, and reveal to us all what is inside.
32:33Oh, my God!
32:36Is it the bill?
32:38He has jacked me!
32:40Get in!
32:41David, I moved from Melbourne to London three months ago.
32:46I'm in for a tree.
32:48Remember, don't fall in love.
32:49Oh, my God, I need to chill out, but what the fuck?
32:53Oh, my God, this is love!
32:56Gabby, would you like to reveal who is in your envelope?
32:59Oh, my God, I'm so nervous.
33:04I can't tell from her expression.
33:08Johnny, 34.
33:10It's probably the oldest I've ever got.
33:12Wow.
33:13I spend my days handling carp.
33:15Is that fish?
33:16It is.
33:17I don't know how I feel about that.
33:18Sexy fisherman.
33:19Getting my hands wet, and I'm always up for something a bit naughty.
33:23This is one catch you won't want to throw back.
33:25So, how do we feel about Johnny the fisherman?
33:28That doesn't turn me on, but he likes fish.
33:32Can we have another one?
33:34No.
33:34Shit.
33:35You know what I suspect, is you looked at the photo,
33:38and you weren't interested, so you started looking for negatives.
33:42I'm not being funny, but Paul needs to get off my case.
33:45I just don't fancy the fishy fella.
33:47I'm just in the process.
33:49Yes.
33:49Yes.
33:50Yeah, that's cool.
33:51Lucinda has been matched with Silver Fox Neil.
33:54I'm happy to lean into that.
33:56Splish splash.
33:57Come on, Stephen.
33:59And Stephen has been paired with sexy DJ Viv.
34:01Does it sort of feel like it's got a bit real now?
34:05Shit's real.
34:05Shit just got real.
34:07James.
34:08Kitten 30.
34:09I'm loud, I'm high energy.
34:10If you can handle me, you'll definitely remember the night,
34:13even if parts of it are a blur.
34:15She has a lot to say, and she has great sexual energy.
34:19Meow.
34:20You're excited.
34:20Are you a bit overwhelmed?
34:21I don't really know.
34:22You know what I mean?
34:23I'm sort of not really sure what my reaction is,
34:24because I've never had that.
34:25I've never been on a blind date.
34:26So, yeah, I'm very excited to see what she's like.
34:29Colleen.
34:30Neil P.
34:3260.
34:33I've blown up bridges and raised suns, and if there's chemistry,
34:38let's just say I still know how to keep things running smoothly
34:41longer than lights out.
34:44Ooh!
34:45Neil.
34:46Oh, my God.
34:46Come on, Neil.
34:48Neil looks nice, but I really wanted that reaction
34:51that David's just had.
34:53You are all going on these dates within the next 48 hours.
34:59Except, actually, for two of you...
35:02..who will be going on those dates...
35:08..immediately.
35:08Well, splash my splish!
35:10What?!
35:11No, you're joking.
35:12Those two celebrities are...
35:14Sink washes for everyone.
35:15Get those slits and dicks clean.
35:20Yourself, Colleen?
35:23..and James.
35:24No, you're joking.
35:25You're going on a date right now.
35:27I'm in.
35:28Let's do it.
35:28Christ, I thought I was going out to bed.
35:31Well, Neil might.
35:34Talk about speed dating.
35:35What happened to breaking me in gently?
35:38Bye!
35:39Bye!
35:39Bye, everyone!
35:40I'm so excited, I can't wait to hear all about it.
35:42Hold on a minute.
35:44Why do Colleen and James get to meet theirs now?
35:47Why do I have to wait to meet the gorgeous Mark from Melbourne?
35:50These agents are cock-blockers.
35:56So, before Colleen and James can be shoved into the back of a black cab
35:59and score their dinner party out of ten,
36:02they'll whisk off to the other side of London for their first date
36:04with these lucky, loveless lovelies.
36:07I don't think I've even met a celebrity before in my life,
36:11so this is going to be a totally new experience for me.
36:14Calm down, Neil.
36:15You're having a drink with Colleen Nolan.
36:16You're not going to the NTAs.
36:19I'm feeling so excited about my date.
36:21I've never heard of James, but they showed me a photo of him
36:25and he was topless.
36:26He had abs for days.
36:28You cook great cheese on that.
36:30And I absolutely love cheese, so I'm ready.
36:32Well, Derry Lee, dunk my arse.
36:34She's ready, people.
36:35Take me to Cathedral City.
36:44Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
36:46where our new bunch of pampered personalities
36:48have been suitably wined and dined,
36:50and then, because it's us,
36:52forced to spill the tea on their pitiful private lives.
36:55And if that wasn't bad enough,
36:58we've slung these two out for their very first date,
37:00with James off to meet 30-year-old admin assistant Kitten...
37:04Meow.
37:06..and for Colleen is retired arm instructor Neil,
37:08who's no doubt going commando.
37:11Dick on trouser.
37:12Hello.
37:13Colleen, hello.
37:14Neil.
37:14Yes.
37:14Hello.
37:15Hi.
37:15Lovely to meet you.
37:17I took the liberty of getting champagne to start with.
37:20Fuck you.
37:21Cheers.
37:22What's this dating like at 60?
37:24I don't know.
37:25I don't know.
37:26What do you do?
37:27Exactly.
37:29Hello.
37:29How are you doing?
37:29Hey.
37:30Nice to meet you.
37:31Nice to meet you.
37:32How are you?
37:34That's not awkward.
37:35I love the tattoos.
37:37You too.
37:37I saw online that you have a leg injury.
37:40Yeah, I do.
37:40I'm limping everywhere.
37:41I was happy about that though,
37:43because she tried doing a backdoor now.
37:45Sorry, what?
37:47Yeah, I know.
37:48I wouldn't do that anyway.
37:49I'm too much of a gentleman.
37:50That's what they all say.
37:51Where do you live?
37:52Where are you from originally?
37:53The place that I'm from is really big for rugby though.
37:55Are you a rugby fan yourself?
37:57I've never watched rugby.
37:58OK.
37:58And they were like, do you know who he is?
37:59And I was like, I'm not going to lie, no.
38:01But they showed me a photo of you topless,
38:03and obviously I saw the abs and I was like,
38:05well, I want to know him.
38:07Well, yeah.
38:07I mean, I'm not sure I'm really in the ab phase at the moment.
38:09I look like surgery.
38:10I'm trained a lot.
38:11You look like you are.
38:11Well, thank you.
38:12I appreciate it.
38:12I mean, you look great too.
38:15I embrace my personality instead of pretending to be someone I'm not.
38:19So I've always had people call me crazy and stuff.
38:22Oh, really?
38:22But it's who I am, so I embrace her.
38:24And now my kind of like brandiness, I'm like, yeah,
38:26I'm the crazy tattooed woman.
38:29I have a question for you.
38:31Yeah, you can ask whatever you want.
38:31So usually I date non-celebrities.
38:34Or like 99.99% of the population.
38:37So what do you think you can bring to the table as a rugby player
38:39that a normal man can't?
38:42Kitten's definitely lovely,
38:43but this is beginning to feel like a bit of an interview, I think.
38:47All I'm bringing to the pie at the moment is a body
38:49that doesn't work particularly well and a limp everywhere.
38:51And a limp.
38:51A limp, yeah.
38:52If you're into guys with limps, then I'm all over it.
38:55I feel like the main thing for me is personality.
38:57Yeah.
38:57And emotional intelligence,
38:59because I can't deal with these younger men
39:01who don't know how to use a washing machine anymore.
39:04Actually, I'll be honest with you, I look very manly,
39:06but if you want me to, like, install your bathroom
39:09or, like, rewire a plug, I'm a bit used to that kind of stuff.
39:13But he will drink piss from a rugby boot,
39:15so swings and roundabouts.
39:18Hopefully, Colleen's ex-army guy, Neil,
39:20has more useful life skills.
39:21I did 15 years in the army, I was in the Royal Engineers,
39:23and I used to teach demolitions.
39:25So I've never actually blown up a bridge,
39:27but I taught people how to do it.
39:29I guess not, but you never know when that could come in handy.
39:31You know, this is okay, actually.
39:33It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be,
39:34and Neil's really good company.
39:37Do you miss the army?
39:38I miss certain aspects of it.
39:40You've never killed anyone.
39:41Colleen, you can't ask him that.
39:43It's like I'm asking you about auto-tune.
39:46Seriously though, Neil, who was on the bridge?
39:48Oh shit, has he killed someone?
39:52Actually, there's a bit of story there.
39:55Oh God, this is awkward.
39:57My bum all sucking and pulsing like a thirsty bath plug.
40:04You know you see one of these guys on Remembrance Day,
40:06with a whole chest of medals?
40:08Oh yeah.
40:08Yeah, go on.
40:10I did 15 years.
40:12What?
40:12Has he been banged up?
40:13But I haven't got one...
40:17God damn medal.
40:18Oh, thank God for that.
40:19I thought he killed loads of pensions on a bridge.
40:21He's just moaning about medals.
40:23Why are we crap?
40:24I didn't...
40:27I'm going to give you a medal unless you deserve it.
40:29No, but you've got to be sent.
40:30I was never sent anywhere.
40:31And did you want to go?
40:32If you're in a unit that goes,
40:34you kind of want to be part of the team.
40:36But did your unit go?
40:38Yes, and the unit went,
40:39but I'd already left to go somewhere else.
40:41Idiot.
40:42No, well, you know,
40:43it was when I got sent back to Sandhurst as an instructor.
40:45And we were like,
40:46get back out there and get us a medal.
40:47You might just have to settle for a poppy.
40:50Are you good driving?
40:51I don't drive.
40:52I was in driving lessons for two years.
40:54Right.
40:54And I just couldn't do it.
40:55They said that the only person worse than me
40:57didn't speak English.
40:58What couldn't you do?
41:00Everything.
41:01You can't not do everything.
41:03I was in driving lessons for two years
41:05and, like, over 100 hours of lessons.
41:09Kitten's definitely got some energy about her,
41:11which I'm enjoying.
41:12She has described herself as a bit crazy
41:14and I'm beginning to see some of those traits come through.
41:16Do you have a non-negotiable?
41:18Non-negotiable would be
41:19someone who doesn't have drive,
41:20someone who doesn't work.
41:21I think I need people who are secure as well,
41:24which is challenging
41:25because everyone's got things that they eat,
41:27blind spots that they have
41:28and things that they don't want.
41:29Yeah.
41:30It's when people just offload it all onto you
41:32and then you're like,
41:33ugh.
41:34So what's your usual type?
41:36Because I've had a weird thing
41:38that my entire life people have always told me
41:41that they can imagine me with a rugby player.
41:43Oh, really?
41:44It's getting a bit intense.
41:46Probably need a bit of time out at the moment.
41:48Can you excuse me?
41:48I'm just going to go to the bathroom.
41:49Is that right?
41:49Yeah, that's fine.
41:50And when I say go to the bathroom, I limp to the bathroom.
41:53Sorry, mate.
41:54Sorry to butt in.
41:55Oh, you...
41:56God, James, come on.
41:57How are you?
41:57Can I steal your...
41:58Of course.
41:59How can I argue?
42:00You've let me go so easily.
42:02Oh, sorry.
42:02Do you put up a fight?
42:03You've got the ball there.
42:05Story of his life.
42:09So, what do you think?
42:10So far, so good, yeah?
42:12Good.
42:13So talk to me.
42:13How's it going?
42:14It's going really well.
42:15Really?
42:15Really nice, yeah.
42:17Has he made you laugh yet?
42:18I mean, not ballet laugh yet, but yeah.
42:20Oh, just picky, picky, right?
42:21He seems lovely.
42:22He's very polite.
42:23He's very charming.
42:24And it's made me realise that I am willing
42:28to give it a go.
42:30Go on, girl.
42:31That's the spirit.
42:32You've got to be in it to win it.
42:33Moving on to you.
42:35Do you know what?
42:35She's really, really nice.
42:37I think with very different people.
42:39Would you see her again?
42:40My mentality is, listen,
42:42I've been single for two and a half years.
42:44I've done dates like that.
42:46I don't feel like, you know...
42:48Yeah, this waffle sounds like a definite no to me.
42:55What star sign are you?
42:57Aquarius.
42:59Oh, are you?
43:00Oh, what does that mean?
43:02Oh, that's nice.
43:03Are you really?
43:04I'm Pisces.
43:05I know nothing about this.
43:08Pisces are dreamers.
43:10Just everything's a movie and romantic and soft.
43:13Is that what you want?
43:15Right.
43:15Yeah.
43:16I have a feeling I know what James wants.
43:18Shall we go?
43:19Yeah.
43:20Yep.
43:20An early night.
43:22Go for it.
43:23Go for it.
43:24Don't expect it back though.
43:25Shall we get the bill?
43:26Yes.
43:27Can we get the bill please?
43:28Well, thank you so much for a lovely date.
43:30It was nice to meet you.
43:31It was really nice.
43:32Hopefully see you again.
43:33See you soon.
43:34Bye.
43:34I really enjoyed the date actually.
43:36And I feel like he had really good chat and we bounced off each other.
43:40Slightly unresolved.
43:41I'm not sure if he wants to see me again.
43:43I mean, does he?
43:44He didn't actually say.
43:45He did to Killeen.
43:46Look, as dates go, I think I showed my personality.
43:51She was very complimentary, which obviously is a good thing.
43:54But for me, there wasn't quite that spark in terms of wanting to go further with her.
44:05Thank you for that.
44:06I really appreciate it.
44:07It's been really lovely tonight.
44:11Yeah.
44:11Because I haven't felt once.
44:13Awkward.
44:14Awkward.
44:14At all.
44:15No, it's been really nice.
44:17You might want to tell your face that.
44:19No.
44:20So, um...
44:21Cheers.
44:22I would really like to see you again.
44:25Oh, God.
44:27What am I going to say?
44:28It's so nice, but I'm just...
44:30I'm just not sure if there's a spark.
44:33I hope you feel the same.
44:38That'd be lovely.
44:39Mmm, say it like you mean it, Killeen.
44:41Had a fabulous time.
44:43I thought we were a really good match.
44:45It was a really good exploratory first date.
44:48All right, Neil.
44:49It was just a drink, not a reconnaissance mission in Basra.
44:52Ooh!
44:54God, it's a bit lasty, isn't it?
44:55Yeah, lovely to see you.
44:56Lovely to see you.
44:57To meet you.
44:58See you again soon.
44:59Yeah, definitely.
44:59See you later. Bye.
45:01He was such a nice guy, and we do seem to match on what we want in a relationship, which
45:06is good, but it didn't make me laugh, and that's high up on my list.
45:10You know, I do want to meet someone, but you know what?
45:12It's so hard.
45:13It can't be everyone else.
45:14Some of it's got to be me.
45:16I'm obviously doing something wrong or expecting too much.
45:20Why is it so complicated now?
45:22Don't worry, Colleen.
45:23We'll find you someone.
45:26Still to come.
45:27The agency throws open its doors.
45:31Entree.
45:31And I'm not talking about Tom's back ones.
45:33Hello!
45:35What's there on the phone?
45:36It's kind of embarrassing.
45:38Hashtag orcs.
45:40The celebs go dating.
45:42There was literally a dog doing a wee up a tree behind you, sorry.
45:44Okay.
45:45I don't care.
45:46That'd throw me, to be fair.
45:48And the shit chat's back.
45:49God, suck a fart out of your ass.
45:51Literally.
45:52Things heat up at the first mixer.
45:54You are outrageous.
45:56I love her.
45:56This thing that is naughty.
45:57I was sandwiched between two men, and I was like, no, we're not you.
46:00Sorry.
46:01Dude's got no game.
46:02Understatement.
46:03What do I do?
46:04Oh, show me, bro.
46:05After that whole exchange, it came across as very rude.
46:10And the temperature keeps rising as the celebs land in Tenerife.
46:15You're about to get torn left, right and centre.
46:19Hopefully I will on my date.
46:20Oh, Kaleem.
46:21Once I had sex, I'll betray it.
46:24Oh, great!
46:25Splinter my sphincter.
46:26We all go.
46:57You're wrong.
46:57I'll be wrong.
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