- 5 hours ago
The Cheap Seats Season 6 Episode 3
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Here are your hosts, Melody Bracewell and Tim McCollum.
00:04Good evening, thank you for joining us in the Chiefs League.
00:08Great to have you company, so much to get through.
00:11A busy week of news.
00:12Let's start overseas with that royal visit to the White House,
00:16which began with Camilla not knowing where to stand.
00:19And ended with Camilla not knowing where to stand.
00:23It's awkward though because the King can only sort of move one step forward, left or right,
00:28but the Queen can go anywhere.
00:30Exactly.
00:31In Camilla's defence, the name tag on the bottom read Diana, so she was a bit confused.
00:35That's very confusing.
00:36A bit confused.
00:36This was the state visit of Charles and Camilla to the United States.
00:40And the royals were welcomed in style.
00:42There was a traditional viewing of the troops, a 21-gun salute.
00:4622 if you count the assassination attempts.
00:49He's fine, they're all fine.
00:51Charles then addressed a joint setting of Congress.
00:53And I love how US TV introduced the King to Americans.
00:57When the King speaks, you should think of him as if he were Gandalf in Lord of the Rings
01:01or Dumbledore in Harry Potter.
01:05Of course the difference is Dumbledore loved Harry.
01:07Yeah.
01:11The royal trip continued and it was then on to the lavish state dinner.
01:15The King's gift, the bell from HMS Trump, a British sub that defended Australia in World War II.
01:22Did you ever need to get hold of us or just give us a ring?
01:26The royal bell for the royal bell end.
01:28It's beautiful.
01:29No, that is the original Taco Bell, which Trump is very keen to have.
01:34By the way, the King's just doing prop gear?
01:36Prop comedy.
01:37The lowest form of comedy.
01:38The lowest form of comedy.
01:40Let's move on.
01:41Excited Americans got a glimpse of royalty.
01:43As the King and Queen's motorcade departed tonight, a hand emerged from a limo and waved.
01:50But whose was it?
01:51There's no way of knowing.
01:53Well, it wasn't the King's hand because we've got that here.
01:59The lowest form of comedy.
02:02High five.
02:03Oh, God.
02:04Let's move on.
02:06And the President was next in Florida.
02:08And forget King Charles.
02:09Trump welcomed TV royalty.
02:11One of the things that President Trump does is he tries to solve problems that nobody else is even working
02:17on.
02:19Because he's the one starting the problem.
02:21No.
02:22No, he's solving problems.
02:24The President is solving problems every single day.
02:27A lion, a giraffe, a bear and a shark.
02:31They say, which one is the bear?
02:35Madagascar 5 sounds awful.
02:37Sounds terrible, doesn't it?
02:38Look, he's obsessed with these cognitive tests.
02:41You know, I'm the only President.
02:43I'm the only President to take a cognitive test.
02:46That's not a brag.
02:47That's not a good thing.
02:49I'm the only President to take an eye test.
02:51That means I have the best eyes in the world.
02:53If you think taking a cognitive test is a brag, that's why you need a cognitive test.
02:58In fairness to the President, though, these questions, they're tricky.
03:00These are tough questions, you know.
03:02They say, take a number, any number.
03:04Okay, I'll take 99.
03:05Okay, 99.
03:06Multiply times 9, okay.
03:08Times 9, okay.
03:09Divide it by 3, good.
03:11I'm getting confused.
03:12Add 4,293, that's good.
03:15I need a calculator.
03:16Divide by 2.
03:18Let's start again.
03:20Subtract 93.
03:22Divide by 9.
03:24What is your answer?
03:26Sorry, can you repeat the question?
03:28Sorry.
03:29You actually worked it out, didn't you?
03:30What did you get?
03:30I worked out that you can, um, you can write boobs.
03:36What do we say about prop comedy?
03:42Let's move on.
03:43The situation in the Middle East continues to bubble over, and an interesting update this
03:47week from Iran.
03:48They're contemplating measures like suicide dolphins.
03:51Kamikaze dolphins.
03:54Pretty sure those are the dolphins John West rejects.
03:57Look, we did get this update from Iranian state television.
04:01Our negotiations with the United States are not conventional or ordinary.
04:06Speaking of not conventional.
04:08Why are they coming to us from Hogwarts?
04:10Yes.
04:11Directed by Wes Anderson.
04:12It's amazing.
04:13It's one of the rooms being revealed this week on The Blockade.
04:19So, with the war in the Middle East, the fuel crisis, and next week's federal budget,
04:24there are naturally a lot of questions for the Prime Minister.
04:27Spicy or mild?
04:29I don't like hot food.
04:31Extra garlic or no garlic?
04:33Sorry to interrupt your Uber Eats order.
04:35Yes.
04:36There are things going on in the world.
04:38Let's see.
04:39And also, extra garlic or no garlic?
04:41Surely there's a middle ground.
04:43Yes.
04:43Some garlic.
04:45Some garlic.
04:45Look, there are some very serious questions.
04:48Changing gear.
04:48Maths or White Lotus?
04:49What are we doing?
04:51What are we doing?
04:52What are we doing?
04:52The garlic is good.
04:53It keeps Pauline Hanson away.
04:55Perfect.
04:56The fuel crisis is affecting everyone, even...
04:59A circus troupe is walking a tightrope of its own as the industry is squeezed by high
05:04fuel prices.
05:05Surely you could fit quite a few clowns in one tiny car.
05:10Let's move on.
05:11And there are other issues on the agenda.
05:13Exactly.
05:13Not the only sector affected by the fuel crisis.
05:16The world's biggest condom maker says it's going to have to increase prices by up to
05:2130%.
05:22Now, when they say the world's biggest condom maker, do they mean they make the most condoms?
05:28No, they're enormous.
05:29They make one enormous condom.
05:32Well, enormous for some.
05:35Look, this begs the obvious question.
05:37Tiramisu or Viennettos?
05:39No, sorry.
05:40Let's move on.
05:41Japan's Prime Minister, Sanae Takeuchi, has arrived in Australia for her first official
05:45visit since taking office.
05:46She was greeted at Canberra Airport by Foreign Affairs Minister Penny Wong last night.
05:51And I'm sure we'll have those pictures for you in a moment.
05:55Would you call that greeting?
05:56I'm not sure that's a greeting.
05:58It was a greeting.
05:59She got welcomed by Harold Holt, which was a lovely touch.
06:01A lovely touch.
06:02Yes, the Japanese Prime Minister is down under.
06:05She spoke at a press conference at Parliament House.
06:14This was a very important meeting with Australia committing to supply Japan with critical minerals, including gallium, nickel and graphite.
06:21Meanwhile, Japan have agreed to continue to supply Australia with Pokemon Ruby, Sapphire and everything.
06:27Critical minerals.
06:28And then it was into the Cabinet Office for high-level discussions on energy, global affairs, the Indo-Pacific.
06:34What else?
06:35My honeymoon destination was actually to the Great Barrier Reef, and I did scuba diving with my husband.
06:42This trip could have been an email.
06:43What is the crap of this?
06:45No, it was huge.
06:46It was even covered on Japanese TV.
06:52Now, if you're wondering what else is on Japanese news this week, this is no joke.
07:11I think we have the translation.
07:15Which one is the bear?
07:16Exactly.
07:17We're going to go and show it for you tonight.
07:18Mr. Glenn Rubens is here, right after this.
07:31Welcome back to the cheap seats.
07:33An official guest is standing by.
07:36This is Christine Keelback, who stepped out of a car following a night out and was swallowed by a sinkhole.
07:42Night out to a night in.
07:44There we go.
07:46Well, to be prepared for any situation, look no further than our sponsor, A-H-M Insurance.
07:53A-H-M Insurance for People Things.
07:55It is so great to have them with us.
07:57It's great to have them on board.
07:58And speaking of being on board.
08:00A person from Florida spotted this dog on a jet ski from their balcony and started recording.
08:06Making it even more unusual is the dog's owner towing the canine on a water jet propelled hoverboard.
08:13It's just good to see a dog on a lead.
08:16You know, under control.
08:18It is a kamikaze Labrador.
08:19It's heading straight to the Strait of Hormuz.
08:21Moving on.
08:22The Liberal Party has retained the state seat of Nepean on Victoria's Mornington Peninsula.
08:28Aha.
08:29Huge news this election.
08:31Yes.
08:31Bad news for One Nation.
08:34They poll pretty well, but their candidate, Darren Hurkus, didn't win in the end.
08:38Let's check in with Darren now.
08:39We'll just go live now to Darren Hurkus, the One Nation candidate in Nepean.
08:42He's about to speak to the function here.
08:44It's been amazing.
08:46You're probably all wondering why I'm holding toilet paper.
08:49Okay.
08:50No, it makes perfect sense to me.
08:53I don't know, Darren.
08:54Why are you holding toilet paper?
08:56It's to give to the Liberal Party for all the crap they've done our man.
09:01Liberal Party leaders are like nappies.
09:03You have to change them regularly for the same reason.
09:06Because there's more tools there in blue than there is at the Bunnings Warehouse.
09:11Boom, boom.
09:13Yeah.
09:14Jokes aside.
09:15Jokes aside.
09:16Jokes aside.
09:17Don't worry.
09:18They were.
09:19He's now replacing Carl Sanderlans.
09:21Yeah.
09:22Hurkus and Jackie O.
09:23It's going to be great.
09:23Can we look at that again, just the picture of it?
09:26Like, he's got a photo of himself like he's performing at his own funeral.
09:30What's going on here?
09:31What a way it was.
09:32He'll be back.
09:33Hey, voters had different reasons for supporting their various candidates.
09:36And the reason is Australian values.
09:39Because I want change.
09:40Just finished golf and had to show up here.
09:43Um, shit round, otherwise good day.
09:45Shit round, otherwise good day would be a great campaign slogan, to be honest.
09:49But it's all about the big issues.
09:51Yes.
09:51Some locals used their democratic right to express themselves.
09:55For no jet ski party.
09:56But you're not actually a candidate.
09:58No.
09:59But I've got ideas.
10:03I love it.
10:05Hey, speaking of big issues.
10:06North Queensland politician Bob Catter has long argued for a cull of the state's rapidly rising crocodile population.
10:13With his crazy like a fox method of getting his message out.
10:16He's going to hit them with jet skis, I think.
10:18In North Queensland, that is a cognitive test.
10:20You've got lobster.
10:21You've got calamari.
10:22You've got...
10:23Bob was out there making his message clear.
10:26While also sporting his new line of shorts.
10:28They carry the slogan, I've punched blokes in the mouth for saying that.
10:34It's interesting, they're made in Lebanon, would you both?
10:35Oh, that is so cool.
10:37Yeah, yeah.
10:37What is that?
10:39Oh, don't say that.
10:40I've punched blokes in the mouth.
10:43Well, here at 10, we've got the big exclusive.
10:45We managed to speak to Bob Catter.
10:46Do you like the taste?
10:48Yeah.
10:49Yeah, and I'll often eat crocodile meat, you know, if it's on the menu.
10:54And as I say, it's low in cholesterol.
10:56It's a very healthy sort of diet.
10:58All right, Bob, great to talk to you as always.
11:01God bless all the listeners.
11:03You're on television, Bob.
11:04What are you talking about?
11:06All right, moving on.
11:07And it's time now to welcome our very special guest.
11:10Mr. Glenn Robin.
11:12That's Glenn.
11:13What was it?
11:13Glenn, there he is.
11:14Mr. Glenn Robin.
11:21Can I do your eyes now?
11:23One.
11:25I'm an aura muscle.
11:27And two, two, three.
11:29We are so excited to welcome Australian Comedy Royalty, Mr. Glenn Robin.
11:39I'll kick your head.
11:46Sit down.
11:47Sit down.
11:49That's all the time we have.
11:51You can see Glenn on.
11:52Thank you so much for joining us.
11:54God, I'm a legend, aren't I?
11:55Just watching that tape.
11:56I'm good.
11:57I'm really good.
11:58Thank you for bringing those highlights in.
11:59Yes.
12:00I did some maths last night.
12:03Did you?
12:03Put your two ages together and I'm still older than you.
12:07Wow.
12:08Wow.
12:08Well, it's not hard.
12:10Tim is 12.
12:12Well done.
12:13We'll put the abacus away for a second there and say, it's a good opening.
12:16I've started out well.
12:18More of that to come, folks.
12:19It's just, you know.
12:20No, Glenn, we have been trying to get you on our show.
12:23No, you haven't.
12:25It's a running joke that you haven't invited me on.
12:28I was on day one with you in the office in your little typewriter.
12:31I was back there and I said, that boy, that boy, get into my dressing room straight away
12:36and I'll make sure he has a career and look where he is now.
12:41Yeah.
12:41And thank you for your mentoring.
12:44That's what we like to call it.
12:45No, we have been trying.
12:48Stop trying to cancel yourself.
12:51We have been trying to get you on for a while because you are one of our favourites.
12:54You're one of this country's favourites.
12:55We have so much to chat to you about.
12:56I'm excited.
12:57Not just in your back catalogue, but what you've got on currently.
13:00Because, ladies and gentlemen, Glenn Robbins has a brand new show.
13:01Glenn and Mick, Celebrity Intervention.
13:04And good on you for promoting Cross Network.
13:07I mean, this is the 10 Network.
13:09Yes.
13:09And I'm on the 7 Network.
13:10It's a different network.
13:11Now, for those of us who can't stand Channel 7, what is this?
13:15Well, for those of us who haven't seen it, what is the show all about?
13:18It's an intervention.
13:19It's a bit, this is your life.
13:21A little bit roast.
13:22It's a little bit because it's on Channel 7, Dr Harry.
13:27So, there are celebrities out there who are doing some things that need an intervention.
13:31I go out and get them.
13:32I hold their hand and we take them through it.
13:34And they come out a better person.
13:36It's a community service.
13:36It's a community service.
13:38A bit like what you do.
13:41You might not be saying that at the end of this.
13:43Because we've been watching, haven't we?
13:44Yeah, it's great.
13:45And we saw this.
13:46Okay.
13:47That's across there like that.
13:48Like that.
13:48Lift up.
13:49And.
13:53No, there we go.
13:54Now, let's just go around the set.
13:56So, there's nothing on the set.
13:57Nothing on you.
13:58Nothing on me.
13:59All right.
14:00You make this.
14:06Ball went in.
14:07Pants down.
14:09I'm not going to.
14:11I don't feel good.
14:13Do I just say, all out of context.
14:16You don't know what the lead up is.
14:17You don't know what the joke is.
14:19I'm having sex with Dr Chris's leg.
14:21You know.
14:22In context, that would have been a lot funnier.
14:24Seriously.
14:24It is very funny.
14:26We do notice something in that package.
14:27And it's something that's.
14:28Something in that package.
14:30Specifically your package.
14:32Because there is a theme in your body of work, Glenn.
14:34That your body makes a lot of appearances.
14:37Laugh.
14:38Tear.
14:40Oh.
14:43Oh, Cass.
14:45Quick.
14:47Wow.
14:48Can I say, that arse paid my mortgage.
14:51And bought me a new set of golf clubs every year.
14:54So, I don't mind.
14:55To be honest, we think if anyone needs an intervention.
14:58Look out, I can feel that.
15:00It might be.
15:00Oh, look out, look out.
15:01Can you stick around?
15:03Let's stick around and do a bit of an intervention with me.
15:06We've got to take a break.
15:07Actually, before we do take a break, speaking of commercials.
15:10Yeah.
15:10You got your start in a commercial.
15:12I did.
15:13I hope you haven't got it.
15:13We do.
15:14We do have a.
15:15You know, there's more to just jeans than just dinners.
15:17I did just jeans stretch cords.
15:19That's right.
15:20Stretch cords.
15:21From top names like Nemo and Cohen Lee.
15:24Now, great looks are one thing, but great fit is another.
15:27All right.
15:33I am very good, aren't I?
15:35Can we see that final shot again?
15:37Please.
15:38That is a porn star in the making.
15:41Seriously.
15:42I just love it.
15:43Stretch cords.
15:44That's right.
15:44Stretch cords.
15:45No one's going, what?
15:46Stretch cords?
15:48Do they still make stretch cords after that ad?
15:51That was 1983.
15:53Wow.
15:53Yeah.
15:53Take us back.
15:55What was it like in the olden days?
15:57Because the year before our cords were so uncomfortable and not flexible, but then along came stretch cords.
16:03Along they came and there I am and I'm wearing them tonight.
16:06Yes.
16:07Sit down, sit down.
16:08Sit down, sit down.
16:09We're just glad you're wearing clothes, Gwen.
16:10We are just glad.
16:11Can you stick around?
16:12Yes, please.
16:13I'd love to.
16:14We'd love to.
16:14More with the wonderful Glenn Robbins on the other side of this.
16:28Welcome back.
16:28That's all the cheap seats and we're joined by Glenn Robbins.
16:32Glenn, let's go right back to the beginning.
16:35Oh, please.
16:36Where did it all start?
16:38Can you remember your first time performing?
16:40I did those commercials and then I did a thing on Prisoner.
16:45Would you remember that program?
16:47It was a classic Australian drama series.
16:49Yeah, yeah, and my acting was so bad they shot me in the end.
16:54Really?
16:55Yeah.
16:55Well, no, I was meant to be shot.
16:56The year is 1984, so one year after the discovery of stretch cords.
17:01Incredible, incredible.
17:02And here we are in Prisoner.
17:04You played a policeman out on a stakeout.
17:07Let's take a look.
17:11It's going to be a long bloody night there.
17:13Yeah.
17:13They don't get too many good looking swords around here, do they?
17:23That is acting, ladies and gentlemen.
17:28Have you still got it, Glenn?
17:31I have.
17:31If I went to take a shot and went...
17:34Now, did you notice in that take...
17:36Yeah.
17:37We did notice.
17:38We did notice.
17:39Something that I did get a bit more airtime on my head.
17:42Watch this again and just note that even after Glenn had died,
17:45he was still trying to find the camera.
17:49It's tied that way and then...
17:51Whoa!
17:55That's a classy move.
17:57That is good.
17:59Well, speaking of lovable characters,
18:01you then went on to create some of this country's most iconic,
18:03beloved faces.
18:05Kel on Kath and Kim.
18:07Unbelievable.
18:13Like one of this country's most loved pieces of television,
18:16what was it like being part of that ensemble?
18:17Oh, fantastic.
18:18Girls are wonderful.
18:20They used to struggle a bit with breaking up,
18:26and Peter and I would not know what they were talking about,
18:29and they would just start laughing hysterically.
18:31I would only lose it when I would dance with Kath.
18:36And I would have to turn around and dance the other way.
18:40I was laughing so much at her dancing,
18:42because when you dance with Jane Turner,
18:44it's just...
18:45You can't control it.
18:46So, yeah, but that was the only time.
18:48But, yeah.
18:48I think we have some vision of that dancing scene.
18:57They are turning away.
19:00But those legs...
19:08What are you doing?
19:12Wow.
19:13What the...
19:13Incredible.
19:15Kel was getting his mojo back,
19:18and that was the time that he found her attractive again.
19:22Thank God for the stretch cords, am I right?
19:23Because you were able to move.
19:25Unbelievable.
19:26You've had so many iconic characters.
19:28There was, of course, Russell Coyne.
19:29Exactly.
19:30Absolutely iconic.
19:33Which, of course, you worked on with...
19:35Tom Gleisner.
19:35Tom Gleisner, a friend of the show, our executive producer.
19:38And how did you and Tom get on?
19:39Because that was a match made in heaven.
19:42Well, Tom was...
19:42Partly because of the fact that you both died 20 years ago.
19:46And Tom and I got on very well.
19:49There was only one time we had a disagreement.
19:51Really?
19:51Yeah.
19:52Yeah.
19:53Over money?
19:54OK, two times.
19:57It was where the script said I had to shoot a scientist
20:03in the face with an extinguisher.
20:06Right, OK.
20:07And I went, Tom, I don't think that's funny.
20:09I think it's funnier if we shoot her in the vagina.
20:13Because you've always...
20:14Whoa!
20:16Because you've always been a champion of women.
20:18Yeah, it's OK.
20:19And Tom said, we don't know...
20:21We had an argument about which way it was going to go.
20:23I think we don't know if it's a failure of the paper.
20:25Oh, my God.
20:27Why don't we let her decide?
20:29Yeah.
20:31So, I just went, I reckon I can do the double.
20:35Oh, a trick shot.
20:36I can do a trick shot, and I got both in one take.
20:38Let's have a look.
20:39This is the activating button here.
20:41But first of all, you must pull the safety pin.
20:44Ooh, ooh, ooh.
20:45What happened there?
20:50A double.
20:52A true professional.
20:53He gets a challenge and he delivers.
20:57You made it sound like a trick shot, but when we watched that,
20:59that is a very deliberate...
21:02I've got the tone of the show down a bit, haven't I?
21:05Well, you and Tom worked out a lot of the scenes together,
21:08and often you'd improvise and things would come to you.
21:12Is there a story about a time where you had a crocodile?
21:15You'd discovered a crocodile?
21:16Oh, no, we were in the car after a long day's shooting,
21:19and Tom said to me,
21:20tomorrow we can have a four-foot frozen croc.
21:23What do you want to do with it?
21:24And I was a bit tired, and I said,
21:26how about Russell get spitting on the cock?
21:27And Tom went...
21:29He's like, I reckon it should be the face.
21:31It should be the face.
21:33And Tom went, done.
21:35And the next day I was in a...
21:37They put a lump of wood down my pants,
21:39and then Susanna Mott, the producer,
21:41was sewing a crocodile onto my groin,
21:44and the rest is...
21:45It feels like it's the breach of the Geneva Convention.
21:48But can we take a look?
21:50Just got to wait.
21:52Just move back.
21:53I'll draw into the shore a little bit.
21:54Draw back.
21:56Draw back.
21:57I'll just see if I...
22:05Oh, my God!
22:08Yeah.
22:09That was the same croc that we used in another shot
22:13where it was meant to die and roll over,
22:15and we couldn't get it to roll over,
22:17so we had to take it down to the petrol station
22:19and get it pumped up.
22:21We had the gun stick...
22:21With air?
22:22Yeah, yeah.
22:24Got a bit of petrol
22:25and pumped a bit into the crocodile,
22:27took it back for the shot,
22:28and it worked perfectly.
22:30What's the correct PSI for a reptile?
22:33Just imagine for a second
22:35that you're at the petrol station filling up
22:36and you see in the corner
22:37Glenn Robbins and Tom Gleisner
22:39air compressing a dead crocodile.
22:42That's unbelievable.
22:43Let's do it now!
22:44We've got a croc.
22:46Well, that's the thing.
22:46Sometimes things go wrong
22:47during the filming of Russell Coyne.
22:49Yes.
22:50Yes.
22:50Yes.
22:51Are you leaning towards something?
22:53I am leaning towards something.
22:54Because we do have this scene,
22:56and I'm told, reliably told,
22:57that this scene doesn't unfold
22:59the way it was supposed to.
23:00Just because you're out in the bush
23:01doesn't mean you can't enjoy
23:03some of the creature comforts.
23:04What we've got here
23:05is a bush shower.
23:06Now, I filled it up with warm water.
23:08But this stuff didn't...
23:10The shower was meant to come straight off
23:12and go all over me,
23:13and I couldn't get it off.
23:14So watch what happens here.
23:15I try to stay low
23:16so I don't reveal myself,
23:17but I had to try and get up.
23:18And then I turned it,
23:20and it wouldn't come off.
23:20So I start smacking it.
23:22Now I start smacking it
23:23because it won't come off.
23:24And then my arse comes out,
23:26and then all too much.
23:30Wow.
23:33Yes.
23:34Brilliant.
23:35And that paid for my annual golf fees
23:39for that year.
23:40So the one time your arse
23:42was not meant to appear.
23:43That's right.
23:43It wasn't meant to appear.
23:44Yes, yes.
23:45So we see Russell
23:46getting into a lot of trouble sometimes,
23:48and the question that gets asked
23:49by a lot of people all the time is,
23:51do you do your own stunts?
23:53I do most of my own stunts, yes.
23:55At my age, it's amazing, isn't it,
23:56that I still do them?
23:58Yes, I'm quite proud to say that...
24:01So all of these stunts here, for example,
24:03this is all you.
24:04There's always one more 40-thistle
24:06to be sprayed
24:06before we knock this job on the head.
24:11That's you.
24:11That's you.
24:14That's you.
24:17That's you being impaled, is it?
24:19That's you.
24:20That's definitely you.
24:22I think I know where you're hitting here.
24:23Yeah, I think you do too,
24:25because in a Cheap Seats exclusive,
24:28we can reveal that Glenn Robbins
24:29does not do any of his own stunts.
24:31Those stunts are performed by
24:33the Russell Coit dummy,
24:36which has joined us on set.
24:38Wow.
24:40Wow.
24:42Sorry, I was just laughing
24:46because they were trying to shield it
24:47from the audience,
24:48and they had a pillowcase over his head
24:50that looked like they were bringing in
24:51a hostage job.
24:53This is a life-size
24:55Glenn Robbins,
24:56Russell Coit dummy.
24:57Yep, and we've had some times together.
25:03That's so amazing
25:04to have something like that.
25:05I know, it's weird.
25:05When I first saw it,
25:06I couldn't stop looking at it.
25:07It's bizarre.
25:09Who's funnier?
25:11I don't think you want to know
25:12the answer to that.
25:15Partly because it's dressed
25:16as Chris Lilley at the moment.
25:21Can we, can we, can we...
25:23Can we get him to talk?
25:24Is that what you're learning towards?
25:26Would that be all right, Glenn?
25:27Yeah, maybe, maybe...
25:28Are we wrapping it up fairly soon?
25:29Fairly soon.
25:30Yeah, fairly soon.
25:30About five minutes ago.
25:32Maybe do a close-up of Russell Coit.
25:35And I'll...
25:35Hey, Russell,
25:36can you give us one of your classic
25:37all-Aussie catchphrases?
25:39Time to hit the road.
25:43What, Glenn?
25:44And...
25:44Oh, God.
25:47Thank you,
25:48not only for joining us on the desk,
25:49but for bringing so much light
25:51and laughter
25:51to the lives of so many Australians.
25:53I could be dead soon,
25:54so what are you going to do?
25:54What's going on?
25:55We thought,
25:56what better way to honour
25:58an incredible career
25:59than with this amazing piece
26:01of memorabilia
26:01of some of your body of work
26:04together at last.
26:07I'm incredibly touched,
26:08and that will go in
26:09a very, very special place.
26:11Ladies and gentlemen,
26:12would you please thank
26:13the wonderful Glenn Robbins?
26:31Time to talk all things showbiz.
26:33Would you please welcome
26:34the wonderful Mel Trasina?
26:38Hello,
26:39lovely to see you.
26:40Lovely to see you both.
26:41Big day for showbiz.
26:43Oh, my gosh, huge.
26:44It was fashion's night of nights,
26:46the Met Gala.
26:48The theme for this year
26:49is costume art,
26:52and the dress code is fashion is art.
26:55Whatever happened to smart casuals?
26:56Exactly.
26:58Let's look at some of the outfits.
27:00So this is Jordan Roth
27:01smuggling in his plus one.
27:03Okay.
27:04It's giving kidnapping.
27:07I thought that was Glenn Robbins'
27:08dummy for a moment.
27:10Then we have Michael Braun
27:12modelling an apron I got
27:13from Big W.
27:15Mine says kiss the chef.
27:17But all eyes were on Katy Perry.
27:20Yeah, when you've got
27:21the Met Gala at one,
27:22but fencing practice at two.
27:24So this was Katy Perry's look,
27:26and all the media outlets
27:28were scrambling to capture
27:29the moment she revealed
27:30her face.
27:31The ABC nailed it.
27:32When, you know,
27:33you can take inspiration.
27:34Oh, here we go, here we go, here we go.
27:35Oh!
27:35Oh!
27:36Oh!
27:38What a tease!
27:39That is Katy Perry.
27:40That is Katy Perry.
27:43The red carpet arrival
27:44caught my eye.
27:45So I find this really interesting
27:46because this year's theme
27:47is costume art
27:49and the dress code
27:50is fashion is art.
27:52What is going on?
27:54I think that's a robot.
27:54I think it is.
27:55Wow.
27:56Educating.
27:56Analysis.
27:58Fun fact,
27:59that robot uses less auto-tune
28:01than Charlie XCX does.
28:02Wow!
28:03Can we see that robot again?
28:04Yeah.
28:05It's giving Panasonic.
28:07Am I nailing the fashion terms?
28:11It's giving up.
28:15The celebrities looked incredible.
28:17I would say
28:17they did not disappoint.
28:19Dickie put it a little more harshly.
28:21Sam Smith has arrived
28:23bringing some...
28:24I'm here they have.
28:25Sammy bringing some 1920s glamour.
28:27He never fails to disappoint.
28:30Never fails to disappoint.
28:32I'm not angry, Sam.
28:33Just disappointed.
28:35It's giving oxymoron.
28:38Well, there was one disappointing look
28:41that we noticed.
28:42Amanda Seyfried was another one
28:44that I saw just kind of wearing
28:45a pink dress
28:46and sorry,
28:47that's just not good enough.
28:48A pink dress.
28:50I'm sorry,
28:51that's just not good enough,
28:53Maldrassina.
28:55It's not good enough.
28:57You know me,
28:58I never fail to disappoint.
29:01There's tissues in here.
29:04No, it's lovely.
29:05I'm just glad you survived the crash
29:06and that the airbags worked.
29:10You're not allowed to comment
29:11on a woman's airbags.
29:13Sorry.
29:13Sorry.
29:14Yes.
29:15Sorry.
29:15Yes, sorry.
29:16It's giving HR.
29:20Let's move on.
29:21Okay, moving on from the Met Gala,
29:23let's take a look at the new season
29:25of SAS,
29:26Australia vs. England,
29:28which is my version of the Ashes.
29:30It's over on 7.
29:31There's a new batch of celebrities
29:33tackling intensive army training
29:35and representing Australia.
29:36We have singer and actress
29:37Natalie Basingflate,
29:38former maths bride Jessica Power.
29:40How did they get them?
29:44So busy.
29:45No, but there are some big names,
29:46including friend of the show,
29:47Ryan Maloney.
29:48And of course,
29:49we all remember him
29:50from Neighbours,
29:51playing the lovable Toadie Rebecki,
29:53and he's just as lovable on SAS.
29:55Use your cups to drink in here
29:57so you've always got
29:58a full fucking bottle.
30:01Okay.
30:02Why is he doing an impression
30:03of my mum?
30:07Now Neighbours was a hit
30:09in Australia and the UK,
30:10so naturally he became
30:11highly respected by his campmates.
30:13What's your name again?
30:15My name is fucking pissed off
30:17because now I've got
30:17two fucking wet things of clothes
30:19because people haven't
30:20fucking filled up
30:21their water bottle
30:21when all day
30:22I've been saying to do it.
30:24So yeah, I'm pissed.
30:27And is there a
30:28Mrs fucking pissed off?
30:32Also joining this season's cast
30:34is retired Olympic swimmer
30:36Mack Horton
30:36and I am busting
30:37and I am busting to see
30:38how he faces challenges
30:39this season.
30:40Keep very still.
30:42Don't move.
30:51Fucking hell.
30:53Pissing like a rhinoceros.
30:57Is pissing like a rhinoceros
30:59a phrase?
31:02Technically they piss backwards.
31:05Rhinos?
31:06Rhinos, they piss backwards.
31:07Whatever, I'm cultured.
31:09I just know these things.
31:11And now for some music news.
31:13The Billboard Women in Music Awards
31:14were on over the weekend.
31:16It's an annual event
31:17held to celebrate female artists.
31:19Tiana Taylor,
31:20who's portraying Dionne Warwick
31:21in an upcoming biopic,
31:22was presented with
31:23a prestigious Visionary Award.
31:25Let's see her acceptance speech.
31:27Can I get the telepromp?
31:37Can I get the telepromp then?
31:41It's so inspiring.
31:44It's good to see women
31:45talk their truth.
31:47Clearly a man was in charge
31:48of the teleprompter.
31:50Okay, so she couldn't read her speech,
31:51but she handled the situation
31:52with grace,
31:53even when someone suggested
31:54that she ad-libbed.
31:55Ad-libbed?
31:56My speech is cute.
31:57They're going to pull up
31:57this goddamn speech.
31:58Where's my speech?
32:00Oh, it says,
32:00Tiana Taylor,
32:01we have no script for you.
32:03Everyone exit stage right.
32:05Oh, no.
32:08She should have just said,
32:09God bless all the listeners.
32:10Yes.
32:11Exactly.
32:13I do want to give
32:13an honourable mention
32:14to the show's host,
32:15Kiki Palmer,
32:16who did a great job
32:17padding time
32:18when all of this
32:18was unfolding.
32:19Anyway,
32:20that's my little story.
32:20How much more
32:21do y'all need me to tell?
32:25How is it going
32:26for y'all with dating?
32:27Let's get real.
32:31I was trying to do
32:32the Seinfeld theme song.
32:33Don't, don't, don't.
32:34That doesn't matter.
32:36One of the trickier
32:37theme songs.
32:39In my head,
32:39it's like perfect,
32:40but I can't say it.
32:42Mel Trasina does
32:42her own stunts.
32:45Just before we go,
32:46what other animal facts
32:47do you know?
32:47Because the rhinos
32:49that only pee backwards,
32:50that's an interesting fact.
32:51That is an interesting fact.
32:51And I want to know more
32:52and where did you find that out?
32:53What other animal facts
32:54do you know?
32:55Off the top of your head.
32:56Off the top of your head.
32:57About weeing?
32:58No.
33:00Anything?
33:01About anything
33:01in the animal kingdom.
33:03Hippos don't actually swim.
33:05They run along
33:06the bed of the river,
33:07the bank of the river.
33:10Did you know that?
33:11Did everyone know that?
33:13They don't swim.
33:13They run.
33:14Yeah, because they don't
33:15have a life raft
33:16like you think.
33:18They're not wearing floaties.
33:21Anything else, Mel?
33:23Or is that your week
33:24in arts and entertainment?
33:25Um, Mel,
33:26we have no script
33:27for you.
33:27Exit stage.
33:28Ladies and gentlemen,
33:29on that note,
33:29would you please
33:30thank Mel Trasida?
33:42Welcome back
33:43to the Chiefs, please.
33:44Hey, so much happening
33:45in sport across the country.
33:47Oh, boy,
33:47it almost ended up
33:48there.
33:48Yes, New South Wales
33:49winning game one
33:50of the Women's State
33:51of Origin.
33:53I'm going to say
33:53well done to Millie Elliot,
33:54who's back in the side
33:55after giving birth.
33:56You've been telling
33:57everyone that childbirth
33:58is so much harder
33:59than footy.
33:59Do you still feel like
34:00that after that game?
34:01You actually forget
34:01about childbirth.
34:02That was really hard.
34:04So...
34:05Sorry, can we just
34:05see the full shot?
34:07You actually forget
34:07about childbirth.
34:08That was really hard.
34:09Interesting.
34:11Meanwhile, in the
34:12Men's NRL,
34:13there's a lot happening.
34:14Tough week for the
34:14Melbourne Storm.
34:15Geron Luai is the first
34:16player to join the
34:16P&G Chiefs.
34:18While the commentators
34:18are grappling with
34:19secret messages.
34:20Have a look at the
34:21bottom right-hand corner
34:22of the scoreboard.
34:23By the way,
34:24what game,
34:24Brady,
34:24have been trying
34:25to work out
34:262304-2026.
34:27There's always a hidden
34:28message here with a
34:29pat at the date.
34:31Wow.
34:32The Da Vinci Code,
34:33it's incredible.
34:33Wow, he's inside the
34:34minds of these commentators.
34:36Can we see that
34:36number again?
34:36No, he's right.
34:37That is the number.
34:392304-2026
34:40when you times
34:4199 by 9
34:42and add 4297
34:43divide by 2.
34:44Oh my God,
34:45we got our answer.
34:45We got it.
34:46We got it.
34:51It's a win for
34:52arithmetic.
34:52Yes.
34:53Let's head to the
34:54AFL now.
34:55Whiteboard.
34:56Whiteboard gate.
34:57Whiteboard fiasco.
34:58Whiteboard picture.
34:59Confidential notes
34:59on a whiteboard.
35:00We're leaked online
35:01showing the strengths
35:02and the weaknesses
35:02of Essendon players.
35:04OK, this was huge.
35:06And what was
35:07on the whiteboard?
35:08Under weaknesses,
35:09the Lions identified
35:10Ben McKay was low
35:11on confidence,
35:12while Zach Merritt
35:13and Kyle Langford
35:14were labelled selfish.
35:16Wow, and if we look
35:17at that number,
35:17is that a secret code?
35:19No, that's their
35:19jumper number.
35:20No jumper number.
35:20That's their jumper number.
35:21OK, that said,
35:22opposition whiteboards
35:23aren't new.
35:24That's right,
35:25and they're not just
35:25in the AFL.
35:26We also run a whiteboard
35:27on our opposition
35:28with their strengths
35:30and weaknesses.
35:31Got to be prepared.
35:32Let's run you
35:32through the board.
35:33So, my Renault rules.
35:36Strengths.
35:36The Bondi vet's jaw.
35:38It's a good jaw.
35:38It's a good jaw.
35:39That is a strong jaw.
35:40Under weaknesses,
35:41asbestos.
35:41We're not sure.
35:43We're not sure.
35:44We can't be sure.
35:44What else have we got?
35:45The floor.
35:46The strengths are
35:47the floor.
35:49The weaknesses are
35:50the rest of the building.
35:52Of course.
35:53And then under big brother,
35:55yet to find any strengths.
35:56Can we see that?
35:57No strengths at the moment.
35:59We've got a slight weakness,
36:00though.
36:00The host and the lack
36:01of a roof.
36:04So, this is our whiteboard.
36:05We'll update that
36:06throughout the year.
36:06Back to you, Mel.
36:07Thanks so much, Tim.
36:08Let's go back to sport.
36:09Sorry, just one more.
36:11Prop comedy is the lowest
36:12form of comedy.
36:15Have a year, Mel.
36:16All right.
36:16Let's go back to sport
36:18and let's head to the States.
36:20Three times a Grand Prix winner,
36:22Kimi Antonelli wins
36:23the Miami Grand Prix.
36:25Yes, well done to Kimi Antonelli
36:26winning the Miami Grand Prix.
36:27Ozzy Oscar Piastri
36:28was P3 on the podium.
36:30But what can we...
36:32A mild applause from that.
36:34That's amazing.
36:35But what can we say
36:36about the winner,
36:37young Italian Kimi Antonelli?
36:38Look at those calves.
36:39Better than mine, aren't they?
36:40Hey, Simon?
36:41Good calves, Antonelli.
36:43Bravo.
36:45Right, sorry.
36:45I got distracted.
36:46Fair enough.
36:47Fair enough.
36:48That is my friend Ted Kravitz
36:49absolutely losing it.
36:51You have been following
36:52the GP, though, Jim.
36:53There's been some rule changes.
36:55Yeah, after the break
36:56due to the Middle East
36:57and there have been
36:58some changes
36:58to the technical regulations.
37:00Pretty complex stuff
37:00but we'll let veteran
37:02expert commentator
37:03Martin Brundle
37:03break it all down.
37:04It's like your favourite
37:06slice of toast
37:07all hot
37:08and ready to be eaten.
37:10You put some butter
37:11on it out of the fridge
37:11the butter won't melt
37:13and it's frustrating.
37:14You slice the butter up
37:15a little bit more
37:16spread it around
37:17now you've got some
37:17delicious toast
37:19and hot butter.
37:22If anyone needs
37:23a cognitive test
37:24I reckon
37:24it might be
37:25Martin Brundle.
37:26He's smelling
37:27burning toast
37:27after that.
37:29Well, there's my
37:30lamp caught my eye.
37:31It's fair to say
37:31the camera crew
37:32got a little distracted
37:33after the race.
37:34Whichever way
37:34it stacks up, though,
37:36the job that's been
37:37done over the winter
37:38was not what
37:39we were expecting.
37:41No.
37:42Wow.
37:42Oh, look at those
37:44cars.
37:45I know.
37:46Those are some
37:46beautiful cars.
37:47And still the best
37:48overtake of the weekend
37:48so well done.
37:50Well done.
37:51Oh, moving on
37:53and staying in America.
37:55Here's Golden Tempo.
37:57Golden Tempo
37:58and Sheree DeVoe
38:00make history
38:01in the Kentucky Derby.
38:03Golden Tempo
38:04amazing
38:05went from last
38:05to first
38:06winning the Kentucky Derby
38:07the first female
38:08trainer to win the Derby
38:09and 24 million
38:11Americans
38:11tuned in to watch
38:12the action,
38:13the fashion
38:13and the fans
38:14at the track.
38:15It's the mayor
38:15of the infield.
38:16How are you?
38:19Sorry, that's one
38:22of Glenn's new
38:23characters.
38:24Sorry.
38:24Sorry.
38:26Hey, just finally.
38:27Well, if basketball
38:28and netball
38:28aren't your thing
38:29there is an alternative.
38:31An ancient ball game
38:33played over 3,000 years ago
38:35is making a comeback
38:36in Mexico City.
38:37Hard to get a group
38:38chat together
38:39to start that chat,
38:40doesn't it?
38:41Yeah.
38:41I'm just so glad
38:42that 10 finally
38:43have the rights
38:43to an exclusive sport.
38:45This is great.
38:45Forget the AFL,
38:46the NRL,
38:47this ancient game.
38:48How do we play?
38:50Players use their hips
38:51to hit a heavy rubber ball
38:52across a court
38:53with the members
38:55of one team
38:56traditionally decapitated
38:58after the game
38:59to appease the gods.
39:02I'll stick with netball.
39:04You should do that
39:05on the weekend
39:06in your social netball.
39:07You decapitate
39:08the losing team.
39:09Hair if you need,
39:10wear the machine.
39:11Look,
39:12thankfully,
39:12the rules have changed.
39:14Fortunately,
39:15that rule
39:15has been disregarded.
39:17Oh,
39:17has political correctness
39:18gone mad?
39:20The woke agenda
39:21has gone out of control.
39:22You can't behead
39:23someone without
39:23someone asking questions.
39:25Exactly.
39:26What happened
39:26to this country?
39:28Mind you,
39:28not the weirdest contest
39:30we saw this week.
39:31That is on the other side
39:32of this
39:32as we wrap things up
39:33from the Chiefs.
39:34Thank you so much
39:47for watching us this week.
39:48And before we go,
39:49let's head to Adelaide.
39:50Lord Darth Vader
39:51marched into Rundle Mall
39:53today to conquer
39:54once more.
39:55I'm Lord Vader.
39:56I'm taking the
39:56mall's balls
39:57in my new bedside.
39:59How did we not
40:00get to this earlier?
40:01How did we not
40:02get to this earlier?
40:03Someone came to Earth
40:04and visited Adelaide?
40:06Come on!
40:07That's incredible.
40:08Speaking of mall's balls,
40:09I think we saw
40:09Glenn Robbins' mall's balls
40:11a few times tonight.
40:12This was yesterday.
40:13Star Wars Day.
40:14May the 4th be with you.
40:15In a council
40:16far, far away,
40:17stormtroopers
40:18Jim and Jason
40:18transform their
40:19garbage truck
40:20into a makeshift
40:21space cruiser.
40:22Time to take out
40:23the galactic waste.
40:26Except it's
40:27galactic recycling week
40:28this weekend.
40:30Do you think
40:30Ewoks are rubbish
40:31or are they
40:32in the fogo bin?
40:33What's a fogo bin?
40:34What's a fogo bin?
40:36Oh, I forget
40:37you have staff
40:37who put out your rubbish.
40:40It's food
40:41and organic
40:42food
40:42organic
40:45greens
40:48and
40:49organic.
40:50Organic.
40:51It's like
40:52where your compost goes.
40:53It's fair of guessing out.
40:55It's where we'll be
40:56putting these scripts
40:57in the not-too-distant future.
41:00What else is happening
41:01in the world?
41:02Yes.
41:03170 contestants
41:04taking part
41:05in a power napping competition.
41:07Wow.
41:08Do you want to
41:09pick up your script now?
41:10Probably.
41:12Oh, I just saw
41:12the balls balls.
41:16All right.
41:19Hey, people are waiting
41:20for the late news.
41:22People need the news.
41:23No, they need this news.
41:25No, they need the news.
41:25I mean, they don't need it
41:26urgently to watch it
41:27at five o'clock
41:27but they need the news
41:28and this is the news.
41:29This is a napping competition
41:31in South Korea.
41:32Let's meet the competitors.
41:33I usually don't sleep well.
41:35I struggle to fall asleep
41:36and wake up easily.
41:38It's hard to know
41:39what the issue is
41:41with their sleeping arrangement.
41:44No, this is a power
41:45napping competition.
41:46Exactly.
41:47And speaking of which,
41:48it is about 9.40.
41:49Which means
41:50it's getting quite late.
41:51Can we check in
41:51on our audience?
41:52How are they going?
41:53Oh, they've entered
41:54the power napping competition
41:55as well.
41:56Sorry, that's the
41:57Studio 10 audience.
41:57My apologies.
41:59It's so unbelievable.
42:00They either found that
42:01not funny at all
42:02or they are doing
42:03a great job.
42:04Actually, can we just check in?
42:05Speaking of napping,
42:06can we check in
42:06with the green room?
42:07Oh, that's lovely.
42:09That's beautiful.
42:10On that note,
42:11a big thank you
42:11to Glenn Robbins
42:12for joining us.
42:14Thank you to Glenn Robbins
42:15and I will see you next week
42:16right here
42:17in the kitchen.
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