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Celebs Go Dating Season 15 Episode 2
Get ready for another dose of dating drama as the latest episode of Celebs Go Dating unfolds! This week, our famous singles navigate the tricky waters of modern romance, facing hilarious misunderstandings and unexpected breakthroughs.
Watch as the celebrities tackle new dating challenges designed to push them outside their comfort zones. Will they find genuine connection or stumble into more awkward encounters? Tune in to see the sparks fly and the real emotions surface.
This episode dives deep into the complexities of modern dating, offering a raw and often funny look at what it takes to find love in the public eye. Prepare for surprising twists and turns as the dating agency works its magic.
#CelebsGoDating #DatingShow #RealityTV
Get ready for another dose of dating drama as the latest episode of Celebs Go Dating unfolds! This week, our famous singles navigate the tricky waters of modern romance, facing hilarious misunderstandings and unexpected breakthroughs.
Watch as the celebrities tackle new dating challenges designed to push them outside their comfort zones. Will they find genuine connection or stumble into more awkward encounters? Tune in to see the sparks fly and the real emotions surface.
This episode dives deep into the complexities of modern dating, offering a raw and often funny look at what it takes to find love in the public eye. Prepare for surprising twists and turns as the dating agency works its magic.
#CelebsGoDating #DatingShow #RealityTV
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Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm proud of...
00:00Gentlemen.
00:01Steven is a nightmare.
00:03Ooh!
00:04Elderly ladies have got very close to him.
00:07Absolute granny magnet.
00:09Dates were then dished out.
00:11He has chucked me!
00:13Dating!
00:14Meow.
00:15And tonight...
00:16Hi!
00:17We get deep.
00:19I was very much abandoned.
00:20We get direct.
00:21You're right, bitch, now.
00:23And we get dirty.
00:24Go on, suck a fart out your ass.
00:26He's got some cheek.
00:28That's our Celebs.
00:29Three, some, four, some more songs.
00:31I'm never going to go on, y'all.
00:33Dating!
00:34Um...
00:34I need more ta-boom-boom.
00:37You might have a kissy.
00:38I don't know.
00:38Can you play the drums?
00:46Welcome to Celebs Go Dating.
00:48Romance rehab for any star lacking a little ooh-la-la.
00:52Come on.
00:52Let's get all your juices on your nose.
00:54And Tom's playing with his penis again.
00:56Sorry, read that wrong.
00:58Tom's playing with his pens again.
01:00Ardor.
01:02Meaning...
01:02To burn with passion.
01:06Someone who always makes me a little ardor.
01:09And the only man who can pull off a leather gilet outside the village people.
01:13It's Paul the big doll Brunson.
01:17Oh, my best charm.
01:19Look at the size of those trouser legs.
01:21Hello, my love.
01:22Hello.
01:23Oh, my goodness.
01:24What?
01:25You have a chalkboard.
01:26Yes, very high-tech, Tom.
01:27I love it.
01:28So, every day are we going to get a word?
01:30Well, if you'd like.
01:32Yes.
01:32I mean, the thing is, I could use it for admin as well.
01:35Oh, no.
01:36You'd prefer that etymological stimulation.
01:38I knew you would.
01:42Well, if there's stimulation of any kind going on, saucy sexpert Dr T is going to want to be a
01:47part of it.
01:50Hi, friends.
01:51Hi.
01:52Hello.
01:53Good morning.
01:55Good morning.
01:56And you know, eh, doves won't want to be left out in the rain?
01:59Should have hung Paul's trousers up as a canopy.
02:01Could have kept the whole postcode dry.
02:05Oh, no.
02:06Oh, bloody hell, it's quite cats and dogs.
02:08Oh, you look so good.
02:10I'm very wet.
02:11Oh.
02:11Ever the over-sharer.
02:12Such a wet day, but such an exciting day.
02:15After yesterday.
02:16After the back of yesterday, yeah.
02:17That was, can I say, that was the most phenomenal opening event I think we've ever had.
02:23Beautiful and insightful.
02:25Someone that surprised me was Colleen.
02:28Colleen's someone who's so prominent in the UK media.
02:32So, in my head, I thought she would be a bit of a diva.
02:36But, oh, absolutely not.
02:38Wow.
02:38So warm, kind, and nice.
02:40I don't know.
02:41I've seen her ride her.
02:42A bowl full of lemon sherbets and a can of dandelion and burdock, or she won't turn up.
02:45From a negative, it was Gabby.
02:48Yes.
02:48Here is someone now who is a rabbit in her headlights.
02:51Yes.
02:52And I think this is going to be a real challenge for Gabby.
02:55Very exposing, I thought, for Gabby.
02:57What do we think of Lucinda?
02:59Oh, I mean, I think she's exactly, like, what you see is what you get.
03:02Yeah.
03:02When she signed up to join the agency, immediately I was a bit apprehensive because she does consider
03:10herself an expert in this category of love and relationships.
03:14And I thought, wow, will she be open enough to actually hear us out?
03:19Who surprised you the most last night?
03:22Steven, without question.
03:24Mm-hmm.
03:24Because I feel like he was also one of the leaders.
03:26He set the tone by being vulnerable.
03:28And that allowed the entire group to be vulnerable.
03:30Yes.
03:30So I applaud that.
03:32Yeah.
03:32Because if he set the tone by being jokey or by being dismissive, everyone would have followed
03:38through.
03:38Yeah.
03:38Yeah.
03:39All right, Paul.
03:39Some of us pay the mortgage being jokey and dismissive.
03:43Anyway, you'll be pleased to know, first in the agency and in need of some expert coaching,
03:48after a while out of the dating game, is golden voice Steven, a man who's so pro-green
03:53that he'll wear all the ugliest shades of it.
03:55Hello, Steven.
03:57Come in, dude.
03:58It was meant to be a one-night king.
04:00Nothing more than a little one-night fling.
04:02Now when I'm in need, you're the one-night ring.
04:04I need you tonight.
04:08Entree?
04:09Hello.
04:09Hello, you.
04:10Look at that noisy jacket.
04:12How are you doing?
04:13Oh, I'm swell.
04:15Good.
04:15You look great.
04:15I forget how lofty you are.
04:17You're like a great sequoia.
04:20What's a sequoia?
04:20You know, like those redwoods.
04:22You're forgetting he's not actually a professor, Tom.
04:25Those ones that sort of stretch up to the skies almost interminably.
04:28Very tall trees.
04:29Yeah, he could have just said that.
04:31I was in the jungle recently.
04:33Oh, really?
04:34You should mention it more often.
04:35Do you know what?
04:35You had such a good bunch in there.
04:36I met H recently, and he's a...
04:38Oh, H is sublime.
04:39He's a gorgeous human.
04:40Yeah.
04:41Do you know, in a funny old way, I think you and H are very similar.
04:44Are they?
04:44Because you're very, very...
04:46We're both white and we wrap.
04:49Awkward.
04:49Change of subject, Tom.
04:50I'm glad that your lucky mastoid is popping out again.
04:53How can you see that when his legs are crossed?
04:55It's always out there unless I've got a scarf on.
04:57Oh, he means his toe.
04:59Oh.
05:00Do you have any names on you?
05:01I've got a couple.
05:02The most recent one is half of my son's name.
05:05His name is Slimane, which is the Arabic Solomon.
05:08Got slim on me in his handwriting.
05:09I've got fat on me in my wife's handwriting.
05:12It's a bit of fun.
05:15Hey, I think it's time for a good date.
05:17What did you say?
05:18One thing that's no joke is how seriously Gabby takes getting ready for a date.
05:22The geezers are fishermen Gabs just chucking some waders and reel him in.
05:26Most people say less is more, but I like more is more.
05:31Flipping heck.
05:31Is she Rob 2 and Carmoon?
05:33The more jewellery I can wear, the better.
05:35I feel like it makes an outfit.
05:36And also, this is the most organised I've ever been for any date in my whole life.
05:39Surprised you're making any effort after the way you went on at last night's dinner party.
05:45Oh, I don't fancy him.
05:46I spend my days handling carp.
05:49Is that fish?
05:49It is.
05:50That doesn't turn me on.
05:51Really? I'm getting a semi.
05:52Can we have another one?
05:53You can, but he handles trout.
05:55All I know about him is that he handles carp on the daily.
05:59Just think of all the Omega 3 Gabs.
06:01I need to maybe broaden my horizons and not be so set in my ways
06:05and think that I know what I want when that might be where I'm going wrong.
06:10Alright, well that sounds begrudgingly positive. Well done.
06:13You know, if I really fancy somebody then I can kind of just ignore all the red flags
06:16just because I think they're really fit.
06:19So, maybe I need to do it the opposite way round and get to know someone first
06:22and then really like them.
06:24Yeah, that's the spirit.
06:26I don't ever put this much thought into it.
06:28It's just intense.
06:30It's a lot.
06:32There's so much you have to think about.
06:33Let alone the bloody, what dress I'm going to wear.
06:35Does it actually even matter what I wear at this point?
06:39Huh.
06:39And we're back to Negi energy again.
06:41It was good while it lasted.
06:44Far more excited is Anna who's fangirling hard after calling Pro Green up for his consultation.
06:49I don't think we've ever had a celebrity quite as cool as Steven, Professor Green.
06:55Dean Gaffney's going to be fuming.
06:57This is what I loved about him at the dinner party.
06:58He says that everyone thinks he is this, yeah, quite hard man, cool, because he's a hip-hop star.
07:04Yes.
07:05But he doesn't see that.
07:06And even his friend Lewis was like, he's clunky, he's awkward, he's chaotic.
07:10He actually called him a nightmare.
07:11So I think what's going to be brilliant is shining a spotlight on Professor Green, Steven, in a way that
07:18nobody has ever done before.
07:20Come on in.
07:21Come on in.
07:24Steven.
07:25Hello.
07:26Hello.
07:27Steven's openness at the dinner party made him an early contender for teacher's pet.
07:31I'm relatively newly separated.
07:33My situation is difficult.
07:36Everything works backwards from being a father.
07:37So I would like to get under the, I'd like to get under my hood.
07:41Find out a little bit about me.
07:42And first to try and get underneath said hood is Viv.
07:45We have some envelopes.
07:46These are your first dates.
07:48Shit's real.
07:49Shit just got real.
07:50Well, if Viv is even half as keen as Anna, he'll be set.
07:53I'm never with you, Steven.
07:54I need you tonight is constantly on in my kitchen.
07:58Well, on that subject, it clearly is a true story.
08:00For all my fans that thought I was just playing a character, that was a song about a man who
08:03was hopelessly in love, wasn't it?
08:05Yes.
08:05Yes.
08:06Look, we've had plenty of musicians come through the celebrity dating agency doors, but Steven is the first bona fide
08:12rapper.
08:13And as a hip hop fan coming from the birthplace of hip hop, Queens, New York, I can't tell you
08:19how excited I am that he is here.
08:21Did you ever break dance?
08:22Hell no.
08:24Alright, so in full disclosure, do you know this?
08:25Can you break dance?
08:26Something tells me we're about to find out.
08:28So.
08:29Hang on, I've known this man in 10 years.
08:31No, no.
08:31Ready, Dan?
08:33Oh, you get...
08:34Smooth.
08:36Oh, so he can't break dance?
08:40You have to commit to your best break dance move.
08:44Sorry to be boring Bobby, but can we commit to finding Steven a date and stop mucking about, please?
08:48Go on then.
08:49Are you ready?
08:49My tits might fall out.
08:51Oh, I suppose there's no harm in one more move.
08:53Sorry, Steven.
08:57She wasn't joking.
09:00What are you doing?
09:01She's making a well-respected rapper feel very uncomfortable, P-Dog.
09:04That's what she's doing.
09:05We want to applaud you for the dinner party because of how you started and how you opened.
09:11I quite often dive head first.
09:14Here I am.
09:14Here it is.
09:15But in this instance, I'm really happy I did if it gave people permission to put forward what they might
09:22not have otherwise.
09:22What is it that you believe we can help you most with?
09:26I've never had objective opinion on how I communicate in the setting of a date.
09:34And, you know, hands up, I've been completely honest, I don't know if I'm even ready to date.
09:39But there's more pressure than needs to be on it by saying it's a date.
09:42Because ultimately it's two people sitting down and having a conversation.
09:45That is a major statement, hands up, I may not be ready to date.
09:50That's one that we definitely have to unpack a bit in this session.
09:55There's going to be feelings of guilt around all of this.
09:59Is it guilt because it's very fresh coming into the dating world?
10:02Because obviously we are aware that you have very recently come out of a relationship.
10:07And is that the source of guilt?
10:08Absolutely, that is the source of guilt.
10:10It's really hard to step confidently into something new
10:14when what came before it is still so close in the rear view.
10:19And when there is a child involved, it is made ever more complicated.
10:24Not least of all because they are front and centre and priority in all things.
10:29I am still grieving.
10:31The loss of a relationship?
10:32Yeah, absolutely.
10:34Of course.
10:34And not just for me, for our family, for our son.
10:40For those feelings of confusion that we're impacting him with,
10:42it feels like a hell of a lot.
10:45Yeah.
10:46Yeah.
11:00Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where a bong's a little beauty is heading in for some pointers
11:06after getting paired up with a date at last night's dinner party.
11:08I think the first tip should be, don't marry the lad at first sight.
11:12Oh, it's true!
11:13Hey!
11:14Hello, Celebrity Dating Agency.
11:17Hello, gorgeous Tom.
11:18It's Lucinda.
11:19Leave yourself on this double step.
11:25Baby, don't you?
11:28Come in.
11:29Oh!
11:32Sartorial sorceress you are.
11:34Well, then you should tell her her wizard sleeve's hanging out.
11:37Having recently delved rather extensively down under, I have returned to Blighty with
11:43a hankering for more.
11:45And Lucinda more than satisfies that hankering.
11:49You look to me like somebody in her prime.
11:52You just radiate light.
11:55That is very sweet.
11:56You know, Lucinda means light.
11:57It means the sparkle on the champagne.
11:59You are like a vintage champagne.
12:01You're suffused with gold.
12:03Do you know what I got out of that is vintage, which I like?
12:06Because it's true.
12:07I'm middle-aged now.
12:08Oh, no, no!
12:08No!
12:10Oh, Lucinda, what have I seen?
12:12Pretty sure you said she was old and dusty like forgotten fizz.
12:15That's what we heard.
12:18Upstairs, an uncorked Stephens continuing to open up to Anna and Paul about his relationship troubles.
12:23I've never been very good at letting go.
12:26I really struggle.
12:26Even when things aren't good for me or good for us or good for, you know, anyone involved.
12:32And I don't know if that comes from my having been abandoned early on.
12:38Everyone always goes back to childhood, right, to try and find the reasons for things.
12:41That's correct.
12:41But I was very much abandoned and felt as such.
12:45Despite having such a solid family unit by way of my grandmother, my great-grandmother and my uncles.
12:49And I think that potentially makes me not want to abandon someone else because I'm very aware of that feeling.
12:56Right.
12:58Stephen is clearly feeling very fragile and understandably so.
13:02He has been through a lot of challenges in his life ranging from his early childhood right up until recent
13:07relationship breakdown.
13:09But he does seem to be very open to working through a lot of those emotions, which will be immensely
13:13helpful.
13:14What we want you to do is use this opportunity to help you grieve your relationship.
13:19And I think when it comes to the dating side of things, to help you with some of your challenges.
13:25Mm-hm.
13:27Communication, interpersonal skills, confidence, self-esteem.
13:31I feel like some of that has been eroded.
13:32Right.
13:34My posture isn't always, you know, I don't have people pick up on it.
13:37Right.
13:37And I carry things, you know, and I don't, I'm not very good at hiding that.
13:43And at 42, having recently been diagnosed as autistic and trying to get my head around that, it's so weird
13:50getting to this age and being like, who am I?
13:56Have you dated within the last year?
14:02No, not like, let's go to a restaurant, let's, this could be something, no.
14:06Are you still open to going out on dates?
14:09It's, yeah, I have to reframe it as something other than to be comfortable with it, but yeah.
14:13Wait.
14:13What works for you?
14:14Meet up?
14:15A drink?
14:16I don't know.
14:18How about meet up?
14:19Nah, celebs go meeting up, sounds world shit.
14:21They do that on Amsterdam.
14:23But does that feel more comfortable for you?
14:24Yeah.
14:24Perfect, because that really is all it is.
14:26The pressure is off.
14:28I think it's going to be a really good first step for you with Viv.
14:32I will just try and follow your lead and trust you.
14:36Super.
14:37Steven, thank you.
14:38All right.
14:40We're going to have a really fun time, I promise you.
14:42See you later.
14:42Bye, love.
14:43See you.
14:43See ya.
14:45Man, gosh, I tell you, he's perfect.
14:49What a brilliant chap.
14:51Yes.
14:52I mean, he is very complicated, he's very deep, he's very self-aware.
14:56And I think it's very brave of him to want to be vulnerable with us to explore his romantic life
15:03as well.
15:04So, while Steven has the night to ready himself for tomorrow's day, sorry, meet up with Viv.
15:15A judgmental Gabby has been told to be a bit more accepting going into her first date at the agency
15:20with fisherman Johnny.
15:22I'm actually really nervous about my dates.
15:24On first impressions, I wasn't instantly attracted to him.
15:28He's obsessed with fish.
15:29And listen, I need my man to be more obsessed with me than anything.
15:32So that's one thing that we might have to work through.
15:35Come on Gabs, cut him some slack.
15:37There's more to the man than just fish.
15:38So on way down, I've called past fair, right, and I've played a bit of hook and duck and I've
15:43only gone and bought her a goldfish from fair.
15:45So I'm going to see how she likes a little pet goldfish.
15:48Okay, so maybe he's a little bit obsessed with fish, but at least he didn't bring a carp.
15:52I wasn't initially attracted to Johnny, but you know, things can change.
15:55He might have great craft.
15:57Or he might have a fish in a bag.
15:59He's meant in it.
16:05Oh my God.
16:06What are you saying my last year?
16:08I can't bet you've never ever ever seen this in your life, have you?
16:12Calm down.
16:12It's a goldfish, not the Loch Ness Monster.
16:15Nobody's ever fetched you a goldfish.
16:17No.
16:19What was your name?
16:20Oh, Johnny's the name.
16:22Yeah, go on.
16:22What would you call it?
16:23I call it little Johnny me.
16:24Normally, bringing a Johnny to a first date would be a bit presumptuous, but this is a whole nother level.
16:28I cannot believe that he's walked in with a goldfish.
16:32It's definitely an icebreaker, but it's not the kind of first impression that I was looking for.
16:38He's cute though.
16:39Yeah, but surely you catch bigger fish than this though?
16:41I don't catch bigger fish than that.
16:43Big carp.
16:43Big carp, yeah.
16:44Big carp.
16:45Have you ever done fishing?
16:47I just thought it was so boring.
16:48He can't wrap his head around that, can he?
16:51What do you mean, is he...?
16:53Don't tell me.
16:54Right, I'll...
16:55Pull it back.
16:57Why fishing?
16:58There's no better thing than being inside at water.
17:00Do you know when you wake up in the morning and you've got water and you wake up to the
17:03ducks, bird life and stuff like that, and then catching a fish is another thing.
17:08That's just a bonus really.
17:09I just like being up one with nature, so we say.
17:11Oh, that's nice.
17:12I know, Gabs.
17:13I'm sold.
17:14Pass me a rod.
17:14Can I take your food out of you?
17:16I'm just going to have a pepperoni pizza, mate.
17:19Are you?
17:19Yeah.
17:20What are you going to have, mate?
17:20I'm going to get a sea bass case.
17:22Cover your ears, little Johnny.
17:23Might be his cousin.
17:24I know we're over in a lot of fish.
17:27I'll be, you know.
17:28Well, this is going better than expected.
17:30I wonder if Gabi's going to end up lakeside with her hands on Johnny's tackle.
17:39Back at the agency, Dr. T and the PCB are hoping to tackle Lucinda's relationship woes.
17:45I'm excited to see her.
17:47I'm very curious why it has been such a struggle for her to date because she's a gem.
17:53So what is wrong?
17:54Great question.
17:55We will find out.
17:57Hi.
17:58Hi.
17:59Oh, my gosh.
18:00Hello, you gorgeous creature.
18:01Lucinda, you're here.
18:03Lucinda brightens and opens up every room she walks into.
18:07And I can't tell you how excited I am that she's walked through the agency doors.
18:12I'm a little bit nervous.
18:14My heart's beating.
18:15She's dragged her sleeve up two floors.
18:17It's a lot on the line, all of this, isn't it?
18:20What is on the line?
18:22I suppose exposing myself to love again.
18:27I'm letting some armor go.
18:29I'm being really real.
18:31And I'm absolutely on the pursuit for my love.
18:36Lucinda, what is the last committed, loving, safe relationship you were in?
18:42The end of 2018, I was with somebody for five years.
18:47He had children.
18:47And I was 38 and really wanted a baby.
18:50And he was just so undecided about it.
18:53And I just walked.
18:55I walked on my 38th birthday.
18:57Wow.
18:57And it was one of the hardest things I've done.
19:00And I was just full of regret and pain.
19:04And I then had a nervous breakdown.
19:07That was a wreck.
19:08Absolute wrecking ball.
19:09It's really brave for Lucinda to open up about this.
19:13Time is of the essence.
19:14And the pressure is really on for us to find a suitable partner for her to take the next step
19:19with.
19:20I think a big point of tension that perhaps you've already worked on it.
19:23I recently worked on it actually is grieving not having children.
19:28It was a big moment for me.
19:30And I'm sure you had to go through a lot of internal emotional rollercoaster of like,
19:35well, but I'm a woman.
19:36This is what I'm supposed to do.
19:37And I think I'm still grieving.
19:41Did you freeze your eggs?
19:42No.
19:43No.
19:44Because I always thought, you know, we'll crack open life into existence if it's meant to be.
19:51Look, I'm a cancerian mama.
19:53I always thought I'd have kids.
19:55And it is still possible that I do.
19:57I'm quite philosophical about it.
19:59I've always sort of left it up to the universe to decide what will be so, will be so.
20:05There's still a tiny piece of me that's like, but you still could know.
20:09Like what if you met somebody you could actually still, at the 11th hour, squeeze in a little nugget.
20:25Whilst Lucinda wishes for a conceivable connection, Gabby's already been on the receiving end of Johnny's Little Swimmers.
20:31Thank you, mum.
20:32Have a dick at size of that, mum.
20:34Have a dick.
20:35I'll have a look, but that's as far as I'll go.
20:38Enjoy.
20:38Thank you so much.
20:40Right, go on then.
20:40Tell me.
20:41What kind of bloke you're into?
20:42You're into a proper chava or you're into a spice boy?
20:45Are we into a sort of one of them pretty boys?
20:49I do like a good-looking face.
20:51And...
20:52A healthy appetite?
20:53Someone that works out.
20:54You look like you work out.
20:55Your train.
20:56Talking about training turns me on.
20:58Here we go.
20:58Talk about an open goal.
21:00Go on, Johnny.
21:00Reel her in, mate.
21:01What you benching, bro?
21:03Jesus Christ, that's fucking red hot, mum.
21:06Mate, come on.
21:07I guess we can rule out the spice boy then.
21:10Is that spicy hot?
21:12Spicy.
21:16How's your face?
21:17It's actually really good.
21:18I don't think little Johnny's happy, you know.
21:20Oh, my God, no.
21:21Don't look, Johnny.
21:23He's all brethrens all cooked up, man.
21:26I wouldn't go as far as saying I fancy Johnny yet, but he's funny.
21:30I'll give him that.
21:31Sounds like keeping an open mind is paying off.
21:33The agents are going to be well smug.
21:36How long have you been single?
21:38I've been single for two years.
21:41Give or take.
21:42I just find it so hard to find someone that I actually really like.
21:45Yeah?
21:45How about you?
21:46Not long.
21:47Not long?
21:49I feel like you're a player.
21:51Player, player.
21:53No?
21:54At least a night, mate.
21:56Do you not get loads of girls in your DMs, mate?
21:57Lodge.
21:58Not going to lie to you.
21:59Come on, tell me what they say.
22:00Tell me what they say.
22:01I'll tell you what.
22:02The worst one were a bit weird.
22:05It says, oh, God, I'd suck a fart out of your arse.
22:08She'd do what now?
22:09And I think to me saying, oh, sucking farts out of people's arses.
22:13Do you know what I mean?
22:13Who's doing that?
22:14I don't know, but when you find out, give them my number.
22:16I've got to backlog here.
22:17What a girl wrote that.
22:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:22And that didn't work.
22:23No, did it fuck?
22:25To be fair, I won't mind having a go on girls anyway.
22:28Fit, haven't you?
22:28Yeah.
22:29Jesus Christ.
22:29He's turned up with a fish in a bag and he wants to suck a fart out of her arse.
22:33What a first date.
22:44Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where Lucinda's been bearing her soul to the agents and surrendering to a process
22:50in a way only someone prepared to marry a complete stranger could.
22:55You are incredibly self-aware.
22:58Do you believe that you're in a space to relinquish the guidance of your love life to us?
23:05Yes.
23:06OK.
23:07I desperately need your help.
23:08The last couple of years, I have been quite dormant.
23:12Oh, sorry to hear that, Luce.
23:14Apart from a couple of affairs and a bit of poly and a very sexy affair in Indonesia last year,
23:20which was just hot to trash.
23:22OK.
23:23Well, that put my hand job last month to shame.
23:25I've been involved in tantra communities.
23:28Oh, she's not finished.
23:30Tried a woman for the first time in my life, and that was incredible.
23:34I have given it all a go, don't you worry.
23:37We believe it.
23:38You've had it all, right?
23:39You've done it all.
23:40I've done a bit of all of that.
23:41Which means that you...
23:42Threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, you name it, yeah.
23:44Sounds like she's done everything except learn what dormant means.
23:47Is it your desire to have one committed partner?
23:52And then, if so, in what form?
23:55Is that marriage or some other form?
23:57I am open to unconventional, but I do love the idea of really sharing my life with somebody for the
24:07next couple of decades.
24:09OK.
24:09I do want somebody that's up for life, you know.
24:13Yes.
24:14That's just got a bit of funk in his soul.
24:17Yes.
24:17Like, I just want a sexy kind of middle-aged dude that's got it going on.
24:22Watch your back, Paul, and your front.
24:23So, what did you think of the letter that you got at the dinner party?
24:29We have some envelopes.
24:30They signify the beginning of your own dating journey.
24:34Aw.
24:37Feels cool.
24:39Neil.
24:40Oh, he seems delightful.
24:41Yes.
24:42All this I really know about him is golfing and surfing.
24:45OK.
24:45I don't know much about golf, to be honest.
24:48All right.
24:48Is he a swinger?
24:49I'm not sure.
24:50Just don't get excited if he mentions a foursome.
24:52It's not what you think.
24:53That's how I got barred from the West Wiccan pitching part.
24:56I've had many friends who've come from married at first sex.
24:59Mm-hmm.
24:59OK.
25:01Traumatons.
25:02A tiny bit.
25:04Yes.
25:05But they often enter relationships very quickly.
25:08I will say, though, you're not there to attach.
25:12You're simply there to observe.
25:13Yes.
25:14I think that's very important, because that takes the pressure off.
25:18This was a great first session.
25:19Loving your vibes.
25:21You guys just suck.
25:22Yeah.
25:22Wicked guys.
25:24See you, Gordo.
25:25See you guys soon.
25:27Take care.
25:28Have fun tonight.
25:31That was so lovely.
25:33Yeah, she's great.
25:34She has an opportunity to truly find a partner in this Asian city.
25:39Who says she'll stick to one?
25:46And speaking of kinks, still reeling from a flirty farty fantasy,
25:50the open mind that Gabby was encouraged to bring to her date with fart hoover Johnny
25:53might be rapidly shrinking.
25:57Imagine going on a date and being pulled out of your fucking head.
26:01I'm so confused.
26:02I like this guy, but it's too much, innit?
26:03I can just walk away.
26:04Wait.
26:05I know what I want and I want what I know, so I'm very forward.
26:08Sorry, I've just got to go the loo and then backdoor it?
26:10Yeah, of course.
26:11Don't tell him to backdoor it, Gabby.
26:12He'll be all over you.
26:14It's fine.
26:17But this is going well for me and you, my last.
26:19I'm still here, so...
26:20Yeah, but how long will she be?
26:22So, if you take me out, where would you take me?
26:25I normally let the woman decide where we're going to go.
26:29I need a leader, though.
26:30Yeah.
26:31I like somebody that's like, I'm going to pick you up at eight,
26:34we'll go in this place.
26:35I'll take you.
26:36Yeah.
26:36Where would I take you?
26:37Curry house followed by yoga.
26:40Yeah.
26:41We can just go to a nice bar.
26:42Yeah.
26:43I'll probably get smashed, yeah.
26:44Yeah.
26:45Get smashed back to a no-town.
26:46Oh, he's off again.
26:48Oh, okay.
26:49Yeah.
26:49First night.
26:50You'll never find a sitter for little Johnny at such short notice.
26:54Depends how you're feeling.
26:56I'm easy me, my lass.
26:58Yeah, we kind of noticed that when you offered to suck a fart out of her arse.
27:01Johnny has got great energy.
27:03He makes me barely laugh.
27:04But he's a lot.
27:05Maybe a bit too much.
27:07I'm just going to go for it to the toilet.
27:09You'll do you, my lass.
27:11You'll do you.
27:12Hold up, where's she going?
27:13Is she going for a back door exit?
27:17She wouldn't leave him with sole custody of little Johnny, would she?
27:22Whilst Johnny waits to see if Gabby's slipped out like a bum bubble,
27:25bubbly Colleen is slipping into the agency under the cover of darkness
27:29to discuss her date with Neil last night.
27:32Hello, celebrity dating agency.
27:34Hi, it's Colleen.
27:35Sexy music on the wall.
27:38Sexy music on the wall.
27:41Sexy music on the wall.
27:42Sexy, sexy music.
27:45Oh, hello you.
27:49Oh, welcome, welcome.
27:52Good to be here.
27:54I'm so happy to have a veteran songstress and professional jabberer at the agency.
28:00It's not every day that I'm allowed to probe a loose woman.
28:03You were magnificent last night, by the way.
28:06I just have to tell you.
28:07You came in like a Madagascan movie.
28:11And I just thought, my God, she's doing this with a plum and panache.
28:15Are those her sisters?
28:16There's too many of them to remember.
28:19Oh, God.
28:19I do.
28:20An awful lot of gentlemen might think that in very short order, too.
28:23Oh, well, fingers crossed.
28:25You're touring again, aren't you?
28:26Yeah, but this one is more of, um, like an audience with.
28:30But might there be a song?
28:31Oh, there has to be at least one song.
28:33Have they got more than one?
28:35Oh, Colleen, yes.
28:37They could not be.
28:38They'll be sitting there waiting for it.
28:40Oh, my God.
28:41Get up.
28:41Let me teach you don't make waves.
28:43Don't make waves?
28:44I'm in the mood for dancing, Colleen.
28:45Give the people what they want.
28:47People remember this more than a song.
28:49No one remembers the song.
28:53Don't, don't make waves.
28:56Ooh.
28:57Ooh, you've become the...
28:58Ooh, I clicked then.
28:58Did you hear that?
28:59So embarrassing.
29:00Fair play, Colleen still moves like someone half her age.
29:03Tom dances like my nan, though, and she's on her full flip.
29:15And hippie Lucinda is looking to put the moves on a middle-aged dude
29:19with funk in his soul.
29:20Could that be Golf Pro Neil?
29:22I'm actually really excited to meet Neil.
29:24I think he looks like a really kind, lovely, open kind of guy.
29:29Well, he's going to have to be open to quite a lot to keep up with you, Luce.
29:31He's got a good vibe.
29:33I haven't been on any dating apps or anything like that for the best fight of six years,
29:38and now I've thrown myself into this.
29:39So what could go wrong?
29:41You could end up in a polyamorous foursome in Indonesia, for all we know, mate.
29:48Hi.
29:50How are you?
29:51Very well, thank you.
29:51Yay.
29:52How are you all?
29:53Lovely to meet you too.
29:56So brave.
29:58Not the most reassuring thing to open with.
30:03Um, yes.
30:04Where did you come from just now?
30:06Oh, Bournemouth.
30:06Yes.
30:07Yeah.
30:08Have you been there before?
30:08I have been to Bournemouth.
30:09I was there last year.
30:10One of the affairs, no doubt.
30:12Yeah, it's cute.
30:13It's not bad.
30:13I love all the beach boxers.
30:15Yes.
30:17Well, actually, do you know something?
30:19Mm.
30:20That would be the first beach huts in the UK.
30:25Something tells me Neil's not a part of the tantric sex community.
30:29Oh, Neil is such a lovely guy and a really handsome guy.
30:32I can tell he's nervous.
30:34I hope he loosens up.
30:36Um...
30:38You're from Australia?
30:40I'm from Australia.
30:41Whereabouts?
30:41I'm from the Great Ocean Road, which is super surfing.
30:44Nice.
30:45It's got massive surf culture.
30:47Do you surf?
30:48No.
30:48I'm in the ocean all the time, but not so much on the surfboard.
30:53Yeah.
30:54Okay.
30:55You're a golfer as well?
30:55I teach golf as well.
30:57Oh, you teach golf?
30:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:59Cool.
31:00Okay.
31:01Um...
31:02So while Lucinda and Neil tried to find their way out of the rough...
31:07The agents are keen to hear how Colleen's dating journey teed off last night.
31:12Golf stuff.
31:13Hello.
31:14Although I'm at the right door.
31:16Colleen, welcome.
31:18During the dinner party, Colleen opened up about her struggles with loneliness.
31:22This sounds pathetic.
31:24This year was the first time that I've ever had to put Christmas decorations up on my own.
31:28Mm-hmm.
31:29And then went straight out to meet former army engineer, Neil.
31:32So I've never actually blown up a bridge, but I taught people how to do it.
31:36Backseat driver.
31:37There's no one to tell about my day.
31:40Oh, my God, that's me.
31:41After a promising start, the ex-soldier went in for the kill.
31:44I would really like to see you again.
31:47I hope you feel the same.
31:48Yeah, that'd be lovely.
31:49Really, Colleen.
31:51Welcome to the agency.
31:52Welcome to your safe space.
31:54Oh, absolutely.
31:55I'm genuinely here for your help to hopefully meet someone.
32:00Because I'm just not doing a very good job of it.
32:03I'm trying.
32:05Is it possible for us to go into unpacking your date?
32:10So, Neil.
32:11I can't fault him on being a really nice man, because he was.
32:17But as time went on, I just didn't feel any connection.
32:21I don't know, I just didn't feel attracted.
32:23And then...
32:24Go on.
32:25He asked me if I want to see him again.
32:27OK.
32:28What did you say?
32:29I went, oh, yeah, that'd be nice.
32:33Wow.
32:33Oh, Colleen Nolan.
32:36He was so nice.
32:37How can I say to someone no?
32:39No.
32:40That's the epitome of people-pleasing.
32:42This is it.
32:42I don't think it's a people-pleaser.
32:44I just don't want to hurt people.
32:45Right.
32:45That's a people-pleaser.
32:47And people-pleasers are lovely, lovely people.
32:50I used to be one.
32:51Not anymore.
32:52She goes, no, you're right, bitch.
32:54Now.
32:56Whoa, suck the fart out of that one, eh, Dubs?
32:59Yes.
33:00Yes.
33:01That is the truth.
33:02I knew I loved you.
33:03That is the truth.
33:05That is the truth.
33:05Finally someone speak the truth.
33:06I hope I end up like you at the end of this.
33:08She might be a Nolan sister, but she's the daddy now.
33:24Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where fart fan Johnny's anxiously waiting to see if
33:29Gabby's given him a taste of his own medicine and done a runner.
33:33She's here, man.
33:35Do you know what?
33:35I thought you'd done them in my last.
33:36I thought you'd fucking backdoe me.
33:41No, I'm sorry.
33:42I'm sorry.
33:43Sorted?
33:43Yeah.
33:44She's a lot lighter on her feet now.
33:46What would be your ideal first date?
33:47Where would you want to take me?
33:49Erm.
33:49I doubt she knows many tackle and bait shops.
33:51Or second date.
33:52In fact, fuck that.
33:53We were going on a third date, my lass.
33:54We were going.
33:55He's not letting her off the hook here, is he?
33:57Should have expected that from an angler.
33:58I just love a nice restaurant with a good wine.
34:02Although, I like a good steak.
34:03Do you?
34:04How'd you have it?
34:05Medium.
34:06Not too much blood, but...
34:07No.
34:08I don't like it dripping, man.
34:10No.
34:11Same.
34:11Medium rare.
34:12It makes everything else go soggy around it and that.
34:14That's true.
34:15Do you know what I mean?
34:15Just a bit pink.
34:16I'm not bothered about things going soggy.
34:19Unless...
34:20This guy is something else.
34:24Here's your beer.
34:25Here, I'll take that wine, mate.
34:27Are you sure?
34:27Do you want to go halves?
34:28Yeah, 100%.
34:28No, you're right.
34:29I'll take that.
34:29He don't do anything by halves, this guy.
34:31100% commitment to every thought that ever enters his head.
34:36Oh.
34:36That's very kind of you.
34:37Oh.
34:38This is probably a date that I'm going to remember for the rest of my fucking life.
34:41Oh, that's what you say.
34:42Tom.
34:43So will we, my lad.
34:44So will we.
34:45Thank you so much for dinner.
34:47We'll definitely be in touch.
34:48You'll be in touch, will ya?
34:50Aren't you forgetting something?
34:51Fish.
34:52Don't forget your fish.
34:53I forgot my fish already, sorry.
34:54Don't forget your fish.
34:55Little Johnny, big Johnny.
34:56Come on, then.
34:56Little Johnny.
34:57It was a first date like I've not had before.
35:00Moving forward, I don't know whether I would pursue him romantically.
35:05Thank you for tonight.
35:06I had so much fun.
35:07Absolutely amazing, my lass.
35:09And next time, I am coming home with her.
35:12You wish.
35:13She's a proper fit little thing she is, man.
35:16She took me by surprise.
35:18I feel like something out of a fucking movie man.
35:21And I spent a lot of money on a good old outfit to impress her, so it wants to be
35:24worth it and done it.
35:26So, but yeah, I'd go on a second date with her.
35:28Who's going to tell him?
35:29Hats off to him.
35:30I think he will be perfect for somebody that, I can't even say what I was going to say, that
35:35likes farts being sucked out of their arse.
35:39But he also said he'd suck a fart out of my arse, which, I mean, I think is a compliment.
35:44Never heard that one before, but I'll take it.
35:47That's how it starts, Gabs.
35:48Then before you know it, you're the piggy in the middle of a human centipede.
35:51Worst second date ever.
35:55Just across the way, Lucinda was pretty gassed to meet up with Neil, but he's yet to really let rip
36:00in the banter department.
36:01Come on, buddy, relax, you've got this.
36:03Cheers.
36:05Cheers.
36:06Thanks for being here.
36:07Pleasure.
36:08Pleasure's mine.
36:08So tell me a little bit more about you, you know, your family or what, I don't know, what else
36:13are you passionate about?
36:14Um, so...
36:16All right, Neil, here's your chance.
36:17Art, music, tantric sex.
36:19Yeah, um...
36:20Golf is my passion, I guess.
36:22Oh, Neil.
36:24I'm looking for that passion and spark.
36:26I mean, I love that he loves what he does, but, yeah, maybe not quite me.
36:32What do you look for in a woman?
36:34I think, um...
36:35A good grip that's soft on the shaft?
36:37Chemistry.
36:40And...
36:41And...
36:41Passion.
36:42Bingo, that's more like it, Neil.
36:44How about yourself?
36:45Yeah, I suppose just a reciprocal enjoyment of each other.
36:50Good banter.
36:51Yeah.
36:51I think we've got that.
36:52We've got that.
36:53I think we've definitely...
36:54Early days.
36:55Early days.
36:56No, I'm enjoying you immensely.
36:58Yeah.
36:58Did you want to try any ceviche in?
36:59Yeah, let's go with that.
37:00Oh, sharing food.
37:01Nice.
37:02I might have to get a bit closer.
37:03Okay.
37:04Oh, bit of body language.
37:06Go on, Neil.
37:06So, what, do you want me to feed you?
37:08Yes, please.
37:08Okay.
37:09Much better, yes.
37:11It's like they've both just remembered how to flirt.
37:14That's good.
37:16Nice.
37:17I'm enjoying being quite close to Neil.
37:20This is a bit more me.
37:21This is good.
37:22Feeling the energy and just being in this little container.
37:25I can get my flirt on now.
37:27How did you go with your sherbet drink?
37:29Yeah.
37:30That went down very well.
37:31You didn't lick all the sides?
37:33No.
37:33Can I?
37:34Go for it.
37:34Alright.
37:35I just really want to lick your bars.
37:39Wow.
37:39Who had first date rimming on their bingo card?
37:42I was all in on the Gabby date for that one.
37:44Gimme, gimme, gimme more.
37:46Back at the agency, people pleaser Colleen is looking to rediscover her dating mojo.
37:51With the help of Paul and that right bitch, Anna.
37:53Her words, not mine.
37:54If you were to break down the areas that you believe we can most help you, what would
37:58those areas be?
37:59I think me, mainly.
38:01I think I'm the problem.
38:05I don't know why.
38:07I've kind of been through a lot relationship-wise.
38:09You know, I've had two marriages and I've had relationships since then.
38:12And I think I want something and then I get it and then I think, oh.
38:15And I almost back away from it and think, no, I don't want it.
38:18I don't want that.
38:20So in the last few months, I've kind of sat there and thought, I don't know what I want.
38:24Really.
38:24Very honest.
38:25Very honest.
38:26And also for me, going out feels like work.
38:28The last couple of years, all my kids have moved.
38:30So you go through the empty nest and for a while it was bliss.
38:34I'm not going to lie.
38:35I thought, wow, you know.
38:36And now they're all very settled and they've all got kids and, you know, I see them every
38:41day, really.
38:41But then they all go home, you know, and I think I said at the dinner party, this was my
38:45first Christmas putting decorations up on my own to the point where I hated it.
38:49I didn't even feel Christmassy.
38:51And then it hit me where I thought, I don't know if I'm ready to just be on my own.
38:57I really appreciate and commend Colleen's honesty.
39:01She is really brave to share this with us.
39:03Empty nest syndrome is actually really common.
39:05And I reckon there are a lot of people who can relate to this.
39:09Going back to the dinner party.
39:11It's interesting.
39:12There was one word that you said that stood out above all of the other words that every
39:16other celebrity said.
39:17And that is, is when you were talking about the Christmas tree and you called it pathetic
39:22that you were doing it.
39:25And there was a lot of hurt behind that word that you would call yourself that in a moment
39:31that for many would, would be beautiful.
39:34But you thought that was pathetic.
39:35That was me feeling lonely on my own.
39:37That was, yeah.
39:38That was sad to hear.
39:40Yeah.
39:40And what I realized and today really cemented it is that you do what many people do.
39:47And that is, is you negative self talk.
39:51You place contempt upon yourself, which is disrespect.
39:57It saddens me.
39:58You're a beautiful, beautiful woman.
40:00And you're so down on yourself until that changes.
40:04It's going to be really difficult to find you someone deserving of everything that you
40:09have, because to Paul's point, we need to discover all of that and help you stand on
40:14that, stand on your own pedestal and instead of feeling pathetic putting up a Christmas tree,
40:19feeling goddamn titty tassels swinging on the flipping Christmas tree fairy going,
40:23I'm a boss bitch Colleen Nolan.
40:26That's where we need to get you to.
40:27Nice to know I'm not the only one who wears titty tassels when I put the Christmas tree up.
40:31So goddamn pleased that you've come to us.
40:33I am.
40:34You've got a bloody amazing future ahead of you, if you choose to believe it.
40:38Yeah.
40:39Thank you so much for coming in.
40:41And most importantly, thank you for calling Anna a bitch.
40:44Oh, absolutely.
40:45Yeah, thank you.
40:46Colleen, can I just say, if there's anybody who I would love to be their bitch, it's you.
40:51Honestly.
40:51So you can be my bitch.
40:53I'm Colleen.
40:54I'm Colleen Nolan's bitch.
40:55I'm going to channel her all the way through this.
40:57See?
40:58Now that is an honour.
40:59Well, Colleen, we've loved this session.
41:02I have too.
41:03Thank you so much.
41:04Bring it in.
41:09I think she's a lovely lady.
41:11Oh my goodness.
41:12I think there's a lot we can do with her.
41:13We're blessed to have her here.
41:14This is going to be one hell of a journey that she goes on.
41:18It's going to be one hell of a journey home now.
41:20She's packing up the people pleasing.
41:22Hi Colleen, can I get a selfie?
41:23Fuck off.
41:29Two people who seem a lot more pleased by one another than they did at the start of their
41:33day are Rimlik Lucinda and a bit of Sherbert Neal.
41:36Good hanging out with you.
41:37It's been a pleasure.
41:39The British fellas are so lovely.
41:42Good.
41:42Your mum has a brain still well.
41:44Oh, thank you so much.
41:45We appreciate that.
41:46Hello.
41:46We're at the Comfortable Silence Talk With Your Eyes stage.
41:49It's a far cry from the talking shite, trying to fill the gap stage we had earlier.
41:54Oh, I like beach huts.
41:55Grow up.
41:56All right.
41:57We're out of here.
41:59Wasn't Neil lovely?
42:01Like, I can't fault him as a human.
42:03He was so lovely.
42:05But I think I need a little bit more challenge and banter.
42:09Probably need a bit more ba-boom-boom.
42:12You know.
42:13Not sure I do.
42:14But never mind.
42:15It was a valiant effort, Neil.
42:17You are beautiful.
42:18Oh, thank you.
42:20That's so sweet.
42:21Do you mind having a kissy?
42:22Whoa, hang about.
42:24Go on, Neil.
42:25Look at that.
42:26Come on now.
42:28Do this just for me.
42:30Only one.
42:31Give me love.
42:32Give me love.
42:33Give me love, baby.
42:37That was great.
42:38I really enjoyed that.
42:39She's very open.
42:40She's intelligent.
42:41And a kiss as well.
42:42Woo!
42:44Neil, you dark horse.
42:45Where the fuck did that come from?
42:47I've been sorry for poor Neil.
42:49Because I taste so much like ceviche and macarilla.
42:53That I can only taste myself.
42:55And I don't think it's prime condition for kissing.
42:59I just went to the bathroom and just exploded.
43:02We've all been there.
43:03Just laughing at my life.
43:05Ridiculous.
43:06But thoroughly entertaining.
43:07Now you're done.
43:08Because you're not the only one who needs to explode in the toilet.
43:11Stand in instant coffee.
43:12The arse is screaming.
43:14See ya.
43:15Tomorrow night.
43:17Hello.
43:18There's emotion.
43:19It's kind of embarrassing.
43:21What's embarrassing?
43:24Interrogation.
43:25Was there an effect?
43:28Impersonation.
43:29It's been bloody lovely to be here with you today.
43:32Urination.
43:33There was literally a dog doing a wee hap a tree behind you, sorry.
43:36Um, yeah.
43:37And integration at the first mixer of the series.
43:40You've got the gays here.
43:41You've got the gays here.
43:42Okay.
43:42Sorry everyone.
43:43As our celebs.
43:45Where do we even start?
43:46Go.
43:47I can flex my chest.
43:49I need to lie down now.
43:50Dating.
43:50This is hap.
43:53You're welcome Gabby.
43:59This is hap.
44:03This is hap.
44:20You're welcome Gabby.
44:20Bye.
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