- 4 hours ago
High Hoops - Season 2 - Episode 04: The Two Queens Zone
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TVTranscript
00:00MUSIC
00:18Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!
00:22OK, so this might take a bit of explaining.
00:25CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:31But it's going to have to be quick. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:35CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:36Sorry about this.
00:38CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:39Here comes the rewind.
00:41CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:44CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:46Tommy and Jess are currently having a free throw comp.
00:48Just a bit of fun that I absolutely must win.
00:55Yes!
00:57Oh, yeah.
00:59That's five all, Aoife. Next one to miss, loses.
01:02Stay at the obvious much?
01:04Yes, I do, Nyla.
01:06Now I'm going to score.
01:10Now Aoife will miss and lose the bet we made.
01:13Aoife?
01:16What bet?
01:18How about whichever team loses has to change their team's name to...
01:22the losers, for a whole week?
01:25Hmm.
01:27Hurry up and lose, Mipha.
01:30Like I'm going to miss.
01:44Oof.
01:50So now everyone's calling us the losers, and there's nothing we can do about it?
01:55You kids exaggerate a billion times a day. I'm sure it's not everyone.
02:00Losers!
02:01Losers!
02:02Losers!
02:03Losers!
02:04Losers!
02:05Losers!
02:06Losers!
02:08Losers!
02:08At least it's just for a week.
02:10But what if it sticks?
02:12It took ages for the Vipers to put respect on our names.
02:15And now it's gone, thanks to Jessica.
02:18And me, I suppose.
02:20But I just need to smash this loser tag!
02:24This Jessica!
02:25And these eggs!
02:27If it's a fight you're after, we've got a battle re-enactment as part of Interactive History Week.
02:32No thanks.
02:33Sounds well weird.
02:34There is nothing weird about playing a historical character in full costume to educate your fellow students.
02:41It's like you can't see himself.
02:42Your brother is using his big history brain to play the Queen's special little advisor.
02:49Just special advisor, Mum. Stop adding little.
02:52The lads think it sounds daft, but they'll change their tune when they see my Venetian breeches.
02:57I think I'll wear my own breeches, thank you.
03:01I'm awesome being myself.
03:03Yourself?
03:04You mean a loser!
03:08Sign up, will you, love?
03:11Not many people have and Jim's nervous because Mr Holt's on holiday and left him in charge.
03:16You'll be the boss of everyone if you play Queen Victoria.
03:18Victoria?
03:19Jim, this whole week's about Queen Elizabeth I.
03:23Who's he?
03:24Oh no.
03:25Connor Lecturing coming.
03:27Elizabeth I ruled over this country's golden age.
03:30She inspired my sweet threads, revitalised art and literature.
03:34Her ships defeated the mighty Spanish Armada in an epic battle.
03:39This could go on for a while.
03:41She kept her own cousin, Mary Queen of Scots, prisoner for 18 years.
03:46Which seems harsh, but family can be annoying.
03:49Rude.
03:53But she does sound like a legend.
03:56And this boaty battle thingy, that's on Friday, yeah?
04:00Thursday, Jim.
04:01We're recreating Queen Elizabeth's epic victory on the playing fields.
04:07So this Queen Elizabeth person gets to be Connor's boss, have their own captive and win a battle in front
04:13of the entire school?
04:15Hmm.
04:16The Vipers are winners! Say it!
04:19Winners!
04:20Winners!
04:21Winners!
04:23Winners!
04:24Winners!
04:25Winners!
04:26Winners!
04:27Winners!
04:28Winners!
04:29Winners!
04:29Winners!
04:29Sign me up, Jim.
04:31I'm playing a queen.
04:35Which queen was that again?
04:36You know.
04:37You know, what Connor said, the prison one with the cousin?
04:41Right.
04:42Oh, and make sure there's a jail cell and that Jessica plays the other cousin.
04:48Other cousin.
04:49Right.
04:50Hmm.
05:01I can play that thing with my nose, you know.
05:03That's gross!
05:04The queen commands the following students take part in History Week.
05:08Please not clangour.
05:09Please not clangour.
05:09Please not clangour.
05:11Clangour.
05:11I said please!
05:13And Ben.
05:15Everyone wants a bit of Ben.
05:21I thought we'd be happy I got you out of lessons.
05:23Not when you have us pushing an actual pretend well.
05:25Which I notice you're not doing.
05:27Uh, William Cecil doesn't do manual labour.
05:31Who?
05:32My incredibly high achieving character.
05:35Let's just pretend.
05:36Not this week it's not.
05:37The whole point of interactive learning is living like it's real.
05:41Don't you want to win the battle for your queen?
05:44To recreate the sights, the sounds, the smells.
05:48Smells?
05:49Oh, and that job.
05:51Smells isn't a job clangour.
05:53Revise Queenie to make it one then.
05:55Oh, make us king while you're at it.
05:57She didn't have a king.
05:59Well, Prince then.
06:00My hair's too good to be anything less.
06:04If I do this, you two take part.
06:08And admit that history and, by association, me, are very cool.
06:16I'm taking that as a yes.
06:20Ta-da!
06:23Bow before your queen.
06:25First job, bowing lessons for everyone.
06:27I've been called a loser 15 times today.
06:30Twice by teachers.
06:32All thanks to you.
06:34Thanks to your majesty.
06:36Actually.
06:37Aoife, your stupid bet could mean we're known as the losers forever.
06:41We won't.
06:42Watch this.
06:43Bye!
06:45Your queen requires fizzy drinks.
06:52That was impressive.
06:55That's nothing.
06:56Chair girl.
06:57I wish to sit down.
07:00Oh!
07:01I forgot.
07:02I sent chair girl to go get more chairs.
07:04My point is, everyone has to do what the queen says this week.
07:08Ultimate girl boss.
07:10Exactly.
07:11So when I, and my royal teamies, win the battle,
07:14it'll be like the loser thing never even happened.
07:17In a way.
07:19We'll all be queens.
07:21Yes, queen.
07:22But only me though.
07:25Technically.
07:28So, what do we do then?
07:31I'm so glad she asked.
07:34Nyla, with your no-nonsense toughness,
07:37your queen commands you to be chief jailer and executioner.
07:44One jail, your majesty.
07:47Where's my executioner's weapons?
07:49Weapons, weapons, weapons.
07:51A toilet brush.
07:53You do have an axe, but I lost it.
07:55I'll find it, don't brush me.
07:58And cha, your wicked style makes you a perfect lady-in-waiting.
08:03This dress would look adobe on you.
08:07And hide your muscle feet.
08:08She's right.
08:10They're enormous.
08:12Zara.
08:14You'll be designing and making ships for the battle.
08:17Because of my keen interest in neighbour warfare.
08:20My design credentials.
08:22My geometry scores.
08:24Yeah.
08:25All of that.
08:27It was the only job left, wasn't it?
08:31Oh!
08:32And she'd make some stocks.
08:34Ready for when we chop Jessica's head off.
08:40Aoife?
08:42Why are all the clothes with your name on so...
08:46raggedy?
08:47Jim?
08:48Who's Mary, Queen of Scots?
08:51The one you wanted to play?
08:52The queen with the cousin?
08:54The prison one?
08:58Who?
08:58I explained this.
09:01Queen Elizabeth had a Scottish cousin, Mary Queen of Scots.
09:05Who wanted to be Queen of England too.
09:07So, Elizabeth threw her in jail and she was never let out.
09:11Never?
09:12So, I've gone from being the queen of winning everything,
09:16to being stuck in that thing all week.
09:19No, no, no, of course not.
09:21You get beheaded on Wednesday.
09:23Headless is a bold look.
09:25But I can work with it.
09:27The battle's on Thursday.
09:28How am I supposed to beat Spain without a head?
09:31You won't.
09:32Whoever's playing Queen Elizabeth will.
09:36The queen with the cousin.
09:44Oh, Mipha.
09:45The bars really suit you.
09:47Not only she's right.
09:48I'm totally pulling this off.
09:49I wasn't going to get involved.
09:52But then Jim said how much you wanted me to play your cousin.
09:54Oh, great. It's my fault. Again.
09:57How could I refuse such a kind offer from my favourite loser?
10:01You're still our queen.
10:02Actually, losers.
10:04I'm the queen you work for.
10:05And I've got lots of work for you to do.
10:07So you'll be coming with me.
10:09Take her away, jailer.
10:10Do I have to?
10:12Your Majesty.
10:15Yes, please.
10:16Defend my axe.
10:18Enjoy it while it lasts.
10:20Cos I'm totally not taking this lying down.
10:22What?
10:24I kind of think you are.
10:26Cos.
10:27Could this be any more humiliating?
10:30Ha-ha, loser.
10:33Turns out the answer was a very soggy yes.
10:37Yeah!
10:39Says here Mary Queen of Scots was well treated in prison.
10:43Yeah!
10:45The queen thought throwing wet sponges at her would be more fun.
10:48Yeah!
10:49She was right.
10:51Great work, gang.
10:53Yeah!
10:54They literally never miss.
10:56How big must my face be?
11:08Are we allowed to be in Mr Holt's office?
11:11I can go where I please because I am queen.
11:15Of course.
11:16My apologies, your majesty.
11:18What do you want from me?
11:20A favour, your majesty.
11:22If you could make my friend Ben royalty, that would mean a lot to me personally.
11:29And I have been a loyal servant for many years.
11:32And you are?
11:34William Cecil, your special advisor.
11:38Fine.
11:39Tell Jim to make Ben king of Spain.
11:41He can lose the battle to me.
11:43Small detail.
11:44The Spanish king wasn't actually at the battle.
11:47It looks better if I beat the king.
11:49So make that happen.
11:50Okay?
11:51Tell him to cry when he loses.
11:54That's not historically accurate.
11:57Isn't it your job to do whatever your queen demands?
12:00Well, yes.
12:02Yes, your majesty.
12:04Good.
12:05Then stand on one leg.
12:14Now flap your arms like a swan.
12:19But make a noise like a cow.
12:21Uh...
12:26I'm going to enjoy this.
12:27I don't suppose now would be a good time to ask you to appoint a minister of smells.
12:33I mean...
12:35Nooo!
12:36Nooo!
12:38Nooo!
12:38Nooo!
12:41Where are you going in such a hurry?
12:43To resign from my exalted position as special advisor for her majesty.
12:47You?
12:47Same thing.
12:48Just way less nerdy.
12:50There they are.
12:51My two saviours.
12:53So about that, Jim.
12:54I'm trying to save the Vipers' reputation.
12:56I thought this would be a disaster.
12:58But you've got so many people involved.
12:59I feel like I should be paying you.
13:01I can't though.
13:01Because I'm saving up for a new gold tracksuit.
13:04That's great, Jim, but...
13:06Yeah, but listen.
13:07Mr Holt will be well impressed if I pull this off.
13:09And so will I!
13:10Yes!
13:11We can't resign now.
13:13He seems so...
13:15...happy.
13:15Like Clango with a mouldy potato.
13:18Oi!
13:19Jails can't move!
13:20Ow!
13:20Do you have to be so rough?
13:22If I'm gonna play a character,
13:24might as well commit to it.
13:26Well, that's just given me a wee beastie of an idea.
13:32King of Spain!
13:34You're not happy?
13:36Not.
13:37Which is Spanish for no.
13:39You wanted to be royalty.
13:41Well, obviously.
13:43I'm fluent in Spanglish.
13:45And handsome enough.
13:47You still have a better job than Clangor.
13:49Yeah.
14:09You did this to me!
14:16My loyal subject.
14:18As you know, I am the best queen that ever lived.
14:22You may now applaud.
14:25Please.
14:27Please.
14:28Take this opportunity to learn more about how incredible I am.
14:31How brilliant life was because of me.
14:35And make sure to book your tickets for this battle with the Spanish Armada.
14:37Join us live for the naval takedown of the 16th century.
14:42When Queen Elizabeth's English fleet takes on the mighty Spanish Armada.
14:47Which I will win.
14:49For you, my loyal subjects.
15:05I love a good bagpipe.
15:11Is anyone hungry?
15:13Because you're talking pure mints, by the way.
15:17Guards!
15:18Seize her!
15:19And take me where!
15:20I'm already in jail, you dozy wee loser queen!
15:25She has a point, you madge.
15:27You can tell who's got the brains in this family, eh?
15:31Silence!
15:32I order you to-
15:34Freedom!
15:37You two, come with me!
15:45Being this, I'm wearing my own hair from now on.
15:48But the real queen's hair was burnt amber.
15:51With a hint of orangutan.
15:52I'm the real queen.
15:54You're the losers.
15:55And you can find me better clothes too.
15:57More modern ones.
15:59And you!
16:00Stop building boats!
16:02But, I'm a boat builder.
16:04Now, you're a jail builder.
16:06I need one with no leg holes or head holes.
16:09A plain box then.
16:12It's what a loser deserves.
16:14No one will be calling us that after what Aoife just did.
16:19On second thought,
16:22maybe not a plain box after all.
16:25Loser Viper Jail!
16:26So much for the name not sticking.
16:28Jessica forced me to make it.
16:30And then she arrested me as a traitor.
16:33Us two!
16:34I totally did.
16:35Because traitors are losers.
16:38Now, where's my minister of smells?
16:42I thought you were a horse.
16:45I got promoted for a special mission.
16:46Go put your pocket cheese in the Viper's loser cell.
16:50Pocket cheese?!
16:51Smells worse than Connor's fee!
16:53Oi!
16:54Thanks.
16:55Oh, before I forget.
16:58As you were so funny earlier,
17:01you can be my new jester too.
17:03And I'll do a funny dance.
17:05Like she's gonna do that.
17:07It's going really well, Mr Holt.
17:08And it looks like Aoife's about to perform a new character.
17:11Listen.
17:17Jiggity-dee, jiggity-doo, jiggity-dah, what's it do?
17:25What?
17:26No, no, I didn't get it, Aoife.
17:28But the kids were loving it.
17:31Aoife.
17:33I can't wait for tomorrow's executions.
17:37There's only meant to be one.
17:39Four stinky losers.
17:40Four executions.
17:42And did I mention we're going to film them for the school website?
17:45She can't do that.
17:47Can she do that?
17:48I totally can.
17:50I emailed Mr Holt about it.
17:52And he thinks it's such a good idea.
17:54So now everyone can watch me winning and you losing forever.
18:01And I can still smell the pocket cheese.
18:07No one could take you to.
18:09Ethan's getting her egg chopped off tomorrow.
18:11So she is. That'll be fun.
18:16We're selling tickets.
18:19I can't let her humiliate us like this.
18:21We'll be known as losers forever.
18:23Losers! Losers! Losers! Losers!
18:26I just want to show the lads that history could be cool.
18:29But Jessica keeps rewriting it.
18:31Maybe we could do that too.
18:33Rewrite history?
18:34Think about it.
18:35Jessica losing the battle would be a crazy plot twist.
18:39Everyone would be talking about it.
18:47I do like that.
18:50But it does go against my principle of doing anything not historically accurate.
18:55Did Mary Queen of Scots really wear this ridiculous thing?
18:59No wonder nobody voted for her.
19:00Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!
19:06I'm in.
19:07Yes! And I've got the perfect plan.
19:11First, I sneak out of myself using a devious lie.
19:15and while the vipers gain support to the revolution mary queen of scots is busy
19:21looking at memes as she often did in 1567 on her wooden phone
19:32don't care if it's not practical i want a gold boat gold and then we plot to overthrow the evil
19:41queen
19:52what's that secret meeting who put that there
20:05connor
20:15pretty clever if i say so myself and i do okay this is kind of cool and a plot to
20:22overthrow the queen
20:23is entirely accurate historically speaking you're ruining in it clangily speaking i'll go drum up
20:31more support when jessica tries to execute me and the vipers i'll give the signal to our supporters
20:37they'll set us free and everyone will follow us to the battle where the vipers will show the entire
20:42school how to win with style why should i go along with this because i'll make you look good
20:52i don't need help with that he does jessica's just trying to beat you quickly so she can do a
20:58boring
20:59speech i'll give you a hero's death pure hollywood what about me what do i get
21:09i'm sure the king is in need for a master of smells
21:14nothing can stop me now
21:17the scottish queen appreciates your support
21:24it's all very exciting oh mr holt wants me to film the event for him that's good isn't it
21:29if it's not historically accurate he'll make me do all the rubbish jobs no one else wants
21:33like what lunchtime detentions spell checking graffiti stopping birds doing the toilet on his car
21:41what's that hawkey you're so hungry you could eat 50 pigeons
21:47i wouldn't have time to coach bouncy ball it's going to be great jim
21:51especially with ifra and connor helping out well mainly connor
22:00isn't that right connor how do you know i'm here because i'm your mum and also you breathe really
22:07loudly there's a lot resting on this for jim and the vipers it is gonna go well isn't it
22:16only if i can get to eat from time
22:24mary queen of scots aka ether queen of losers
22:30not for long i hereby sent you i reject your sentence now now is the time to rise up against
22:39this evil queen follow me into the battle and i will defeat the spanish king for you
22:46my people now who's with me
22:52i said who's with me
22:57seriously who's with me
23:03looks like your little revolution has failed
23:07we can't get the history wrong connor said we'd lose jim as a coach we'll have no choice
23:29and this is where we came in
23:37hey that's my axe
23:44sorry about this
23:52can't lie look pretty awesome as a king and these stink bombs are absolutely reek sniff
23:58i'll take your word for it does this mean that he was right that history and connor can be cool
24:07all right but we can never tell him agreed
24:22where's ether
24:24jessica's won again and we've lost we're officially the losers
24:32forever this really is the worst of times but the best of times for a roundup
24:41so it all started when we had to call ourselves the losers because someone made a bet it doesn't
24:47matter who so then i tried to change the past in more ways than one but then i'd realized we'd
24:52lose
24:53jim and nobody wanted that so now jessica's gonna win again and we're gonna be stuck with these stupid
24:59nicknames forever
25:04unless
25:07guys it's not over yes it is the battle's just beginning like our battle's just beginning
25:13what are you going on about i was wrong we can't change what's happened but we can change what does
25:22happen starting now how jessica wins like always
25:29but she doesn't queen elizabeth does
25:48yes come on smash them oh no no no what
25:56oh here are mr holt jessica's queen elizabeth is just about to defeat ben's spanish king oh no
26:03oh uh not king uh duke very well dressed duke with uh with the king's uh hat on
26:10i thought ether would have at least come out to watch well how she's not gone ahead
26:23oh
26:31what no this is good
26:34no matter what queen elizabeth will win oh all right vipers time to show everyone who the real
26:40queens of mid-veil are
26:45you have to lose to me lie down nah not my style smells master let's go out in glory
26:53no
26:55no
26:59no
26:59no
26:59no
26:59no
26:59no
27:02Yes! Yes! Yes!
27:27Very cool.
27:29That's how winning's done, Haltibaby
27:31Vipers style
27:32You can cut that last bit out, right?
27:38But it's a live stream
27:40Did she just call me Haltibaby?
27:43It'll grow on him
27:58Did she just call me Haltibaby
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