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00:26Welcome back to the third exciting new season of Gone Well Gone
00:31Oh thank you. We did it baby. We're number three. It's new in that the words and contestants on display
00:39have not graced our studio before. And exciting in that we have three burly inmates on temporary release from prison
00:45in our studio audience this evening.
00:50It's great to have you in tonight lads. And under their watchful eye four fantastic comedians from Australia and the
00:57world will do battle in the form of spelling with an eye to winning this.
01:01An enormous call through ticket to appear on another episode of our show. And while they hold their glory aloft
01:08another speller will be given an opportunity to sit and reflect on where it all went wrong.
01:13As they take a seat on our custom built reflecting stool and don our custom built reflecting hat.
01:22It is a horrid little corner of the studio. And now we're all up to speed let's meet our spellers.
01:29Please welcome Andrew Denton.
01:33Michelle Brazier. Phil Wang. And returning season two champion Julian Cosgrove.
01:45But it's not just new spellers who we're welcoming this evening. With a heavy heart I must inform you that
01:51my trusted assistant Aaron Chen will not be with us this season.
01:54As he has chosen to prioritise his marriage, mental wellbeing and career opportunities in the North Pole.
02:02In his stead we have recruited the sharpest mind and snappiest dresser in Australian show business since Paul Hogan sold
02:08cigarettes in a tuxedo.
02:10So will you please welcome my new assistant, it's Sam Campbell!
02:24Hiya Sam.
02:25Guy I have a confession to make.
02:27Oh!
02:28Oh goodness.
02:29Oh this has been eating me alive.
02:31What's going on?
02:31Oh Guy this has been weighing heavily upon me.
02:33I just have this feeling that we can expect to see amazing words, bigger scores and even bigger laughs and
02:42so much chummy fun this season on the spelling bee!
02:46Is that okay?
02:48Sam, Sam stop!
02:50That's perfect, that's great, we love that kind of thing.
02:53Oh Mr Montgomery, thank you.
02:55Oh Mr Montgomery is a kind, kind man.
02:58I can't believe you, thank you so much.
02:59And we're going to see lots more of Sam as the season goes on.
03:03But in the meantime, let's get spelling!
03:10While we've got a brand new assistant, it's impossible not to notice we've got the same old first round.
03:15The spelling round.
03:17In front of me are three vessels absolutely brimming with words and possibility.
03:21Words from family favourite The Coward's Cup are straightforward spelling words.
03:25Take one of these and spell it correctly, you'll be rewarded with one point.
03:29Words taken from the slightly more polarising person's purse are more challenging.
03:33The type that kids and dense adults might struggle with.
03:36And as such, a correct spelling of one of these will earn you two points.
03:40Words from the often maligned bucket of bravery are for people with a burning desire to look stupid on television.
03:46Choose one of these and spell it correctly.
03:48Well congratulations my friend, you've proven me wrong and earned yourself a whopping three points.
03:53And up first is a published author, two-time Gold Logie nominee and a familiar face not just to ABC
03:59audiences, but also and especially Mr and Mrs Denton.
04:03It's their progeny, Andrew Denton!
04:07Thanks so much for coming on the show, how are you feeling?
04:10Well I was good until you mentioned my parents, both of whom are dead, Guy.
04:15But no, let's not bring the evening down.
04:17Well you should update your Wikipedia man.
04:20So you actually, you appeared on this show in the last season offering words of encouragement for Julia Zamero.
04:26Yes.
04:26Now did she offer any words of advice to you before your appearance?
04:29Yeah, she said if they place me nearest you, that's because you're the old guy and hard of hearing.
04:35So thank you.
04:36Thank you for doing that.
04:37It's no trouble at all.
04:38Sorry?
04:39No, I said it's no trouble.
04:44Andrew, it's such a pleasure to have you with us.
04:46Which receptacle would you like to select from?
04:48None of them, Guy.
04:51No, look, you look bad if you go for the Coward's Cup, so I'll go for the Bucket of Bravery.
04:56The Bucket of Bravery.
05:00From the Bucket of Bravery, Andrew, your word is pulchritudinous.
05:07Now before you spell, remember you can ask for a language of origin, a definition or to hear the word
05:11in a sentence.
05:12Could I have it in a sentence please, Guy?
05:14I was taken aback by her taut, pale skin, her perfectly smooth, nipple-less breasts and realistic thigh gap.
05:22She was absolutely pulchritudinous.
05:26And yet I knew I could never have her, because for reasons that still remain unclear to me,
05:30Zara, do not let you buy the mannequins.
05:38Could you just say the word one more time please, Guy?
05:41Pulchritudinous.
05:42P-U-L-C-H-T-R-I-D-I-N-O-U-S.
05:48That is incorrect.
05:51Pulchritudinous is spelt P-U-L-C-H-R-I-T-U-D-I-N-O-U-S.
05:59Oh, pulchritudinous.
06:00Oh.
06:01No point awarded. I'm sorry, Andrew, but it's a joy to have you with us.
06:06And our next speller is a musical comedy superstar and published author.
06:10Half woman, half white, shallow pan with a tight-fitting lid designed for slow-cooking food and liquid,
06:14it's Michelle Brazier!
06:19I'm sorry, you probably get that all the time.
06:21I get it all the time. It's actually on my Tinder bio.
06:25That's where I got the joke.
06:27Well, it says here, you've published a best-selling memoir,
06:32starred in musical theatre, sold out international comedy tours.
06:35I'm over here thinking, is there anything you can't do?
06:37And I've realised the answer is yes.
06:40Help an Aunty Donna sketch pass the Bechdel test.
06:45So my question is, would you and Gillian like to have a quick chat now to break the cycle?
06:50Yeah. Hi, Gillian.
06:51Hello, I just wanted to thank you for that time where you got trapped in LA
06:54and I got to be in the Aunty Donna sketch.
06:56Yeah, they called the other girl.
06:57You talked about me and you failed the Bechdel test.
07:03So close.
07:04Let's give you the chance to do some spelling on TV now.
07:06Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
07:08A bucket of bravery.
07:09Really?
07:14From the bucket of bravery, your word is actually supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
07:20OK, I've never been in Mary Poppins, but my partner has,
07:25so I'm hoping it is sexually transmitted, the info.
07:28Um, S-U-P-E-R-C-A-L-I-F-R-A-G-I-G-L-I-S-T
07:43-I-C?
07:45E...
07:48Wait.
07:49Wait, you're halfway.
07:50You're halfway, keep going.
07:52Wait, oh, it's expialidocious, the whole thing?
07:55The whole thing is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
07:58Yeah, sorry.
07:59OK.
08:00E-X-P-I-L-A-D-I-O-U-S.
08:09Um, diddly-lum, diddly-lum, diddly-lum.
08:15That is incorrect.
08:21Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is, of course, spelt S-U-P-E-R-C-A-L-I-F-R-A-G-I-L
08:31-I-S-T-I-C.
08:33Had all that in hand.
08:34Well, that's where I thought we were stopping.
08:38E-X-P-I-A-L-I-D-O-C-I-O-U-S.
08:45A fine effort, but sadly, no points awarded.
08:48And our third contestant this evening is a published author.
08:51You may know from Netflix, Taskmaster, and even the blockbuster movie Wonka,
08:54please welcome Phil Wayne!
09:02It's a pleasure to have you be listening.
09:03Now, you're a very well-educated man.
09:05You, of course, went to Cambridge University.
09:06Man, it must really brass you guys off
09:08that Oxford have a way more famous dictionary than you guys.
09:13This year, I thought we had a good team this year.
09:16They got it again.
09:17I also have a tidbit here, which says,
09:20while you were at Cambridge, you also met Stephen Hawking.
09:23I bumped into him at a chocolate shop.
09:26I went to a chocolate shop in Cambridge
09:28to buy some chockeys for myself as a little treat.
09:31And then Stephen Hawking entered,
09:33and there was a big hustle and bustle.
09:36People were very excited.
09:37The manager said,
09:38hi, Stephen, thanks for joining us at the chocolate shop.
09:40And then an intern came over very nervously
09:42with a tray of samples.
09:43And I swear to God, Stephen Hawking said,
09:47mm, freebies, I swear.
09:53He's allowed to do the voice because he's Malaysian.
09:58Well, Phil, how are you feeling about spelling tonight?
10:00It's been brutal watching these two
10:02get absolutely eviscerated by the bucket.
10:04So which receptacle would you like the spell from?
10:06Person's purse, please.
10:07Very sensible choice.
10:08Everybody check.
10:10And from the person's purse, your word is...
10:13Pageant.
10:14Oh.
10:15Pageant.
10:16Can I have it used in the sentence, please?
10:18As I asked the tenth man in the auditorium
10:20which of the children were his,
10:21and he also explained he was just here to enjoy the show,
10:25I realised this was perhaps the last pageant
10:27I would enter my daughter into.
10:33OK, let's give it a go.
10:36I think it's P-A-G-E-A-N-T.
10:45That is correct!
10:48Two points for Phil Wang.
10:50Congratulations.
10:51And our final scholar this evening
10:54hasn't written a book in her goddamn life.
10:57But we'll forgive her for that
10:58as she is our carryover champion from season two.
11:01Make her feel very welcome.
11:02It's the undefeated Jillian Colescreate!
11:07So good to see you again.
11:09Now you managed to knock off the Kirstie Wiebeck juggernaut
11:12to be with us this evening.
11:13So tell me, how long do you expect your reign to last?
11:16Truthfully, with Andrew Denton here
11:18I'm worried that I'm just going to start
11:19spelling out childhood memories.
11:22You just look into his eyes and you want to tell him stuff.
11:25She's saying she used to watch you on TV.
11:34Who are you all?
11:37You know, it's so good to have you back with us.
11:39Thank you for coming back to defend your title.
11:41And which receptacle would you like to spell from?
11:42Well, now that Phil Wang has safely made it okay,
11:45I would also like the person's purse, please.
11:46A fine choice from the person's purse.
11:52Your word is rudimentary.
11:54Rudimentary.
11:55Okay.
11:55May I hear a definition?
11:57Pretty basic.
11:58Like that outfit, girl.
12:02Obviously, you prepared that joke for a different contestant.
12:06No, I rifted that one.
12:10Um, rudimentary.
12:12R-U-D-I-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y?
12:16That is correct!
12:18Two points for Gillian.
12:20And we are off to a promising start.
12:23But if you'll indulge me,
12:24a third season is an enormous milestone
12:26in the life of any spelling-based comedy panel show.
12:29And so, to mark the occasion,
12:31we thought we'd throw ourselves a little party.
12:38And what is a party without entertainment?
12:41So, to help kick things off,
12:42please welcome our very own party clown,
12:44it's Sam Campbell!
12:55Hello, children.
12:58Hiya, Sam.
12:59It's a pleasure to have you with us.
13:01Sure beats living down in the drains.
13:04You live in the drains?
13:05Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
13:07And can I just say,
13:08I'd love for a certain Andrew Denton
13:10to stop flushing wet wipes!
13:15Contestants, if you survey the party area,
13:17you will see we have four party games
13:19set up for you to play.
13:20And in this round,
13:21we'll first go down the line
13:22as you select which game you'd like to play.
13:25Once you've all made your choice,
13:26we'll get into it.
13:27So, Andrew, starting with you,
13:29which of the four classic party games on display
13:31would you like to play?
13:32I never had parties as a child.
13:35I'm sorry to hear that.
13:36Because, as mentioned,
13:37my parents were dead.
13:42I didn't know this,
13:44but it sounds like they died
13:45in a very comical fashion.
13:48I'll go the pinata.
13:50You choose the pinata?
13:52Pinata selection.
13:53Michelle, what party game would you like to choose?
13:55I can see the donkey.
13:56What are the other two games
13:57or is it a secret?
13:58What else do you see?
13:59Parcel.
14:00Yeah.
14:00And in the centre,
14:02sort of...
14:03What is going on in the centre?
14:04Are you serious?
14:05Mother's puppet?
14:06I want to play that.
14:08You want to play Mother's puppet?
14:09Everyone knows Mother's puppet.
14:11OK.
14:14Phil, two party games left.
14:16Which do you choose?
14:17Just because it's so coquettish,
14:18I'll go put the tail in the donkey.
14:24And finally, Jillian,
14:26that leaves you with...
14:27Pass the parcel.
14:27Perfect.
14:28A fine choice indeed.
14:30So, moving on.
14:31Andrew, we're going to start with you.
14:32You've chosen the classic party pinata.
14:35Why don't you head on over to the party zone?
14:36Sam will help you get set up.
14:38These are your blindfold glasses.
14:46And just to clarify,
14:48God did design this pinata.
14:50It's not a pinata.
14:51I just want to be clear.
14:51That's an effigy.
14:53I...
14:54I so want to get out of here.
14:56Yeah, I think.
14:57Oh!
14:58Oh!
15:00Oh!
15:01Oh!
15:01Oh!
15:02Oh!
15:03Oh!
15:03Come on!
15:08I was nominated for a low,
15:10and now this!
15:13Hey, Andrew.
15:14Yes?
15:15I won one.
15:22Less talk, more smackin', boys.
15:26Oh!
15:27Oh!
15:28Oh!
15:32Oh!
15:36You got him.
15:37You got him.
15:37You got him, Andrew.
15:39You got him, Andrew.
15:39You got him.
15:41Alright, let's see what's inside.
15:43Tip it upside down.
15:43Let's have a look.
15:46Oh, my gosh!
15:48Why, that looks like...
15:49It's 30 pieces of silver.
15:52You know, that's the very same price paid to Judas Iscariot
15:56in the Bible for his betrayal.
15:58Your word is Judas Iscariot.
16:04Judas Iscariot.
16:05J-U-D-A-S-I-S-C-A-R-I-O-T.
16:10That is correct!
16:11Yeah!
16:13Thank you, Sam.
16:19Welcome to the scoreboard, Andrew.
16:20One point for your correct spelling.
16:22Well done.
16:23And let's see what's next on the party agenda.
16:26Step right up.
16:27It's donkey time.
16:29Oh, that's right.
16:30Children's classic Pin the Tail on the Donkey,
16:33usually played by many attendees,
16:34with the tail closest to the butthole winning a prize.
16:37Good luck, Phil.
16:38You may approach the donkey.
16:39Oh, man.
16:43I'm a little nervous.
16:44I saw what you guys did to the last Asian guy that came up here.
16:49OK.
16:51OK.
16:52OK.
16:53Yeah, alright.
16:53That's pretty good.
16:57Oh.
17:02Oh.
17:03Oh.
17:06Oh!
17:08Oh!
17:09Oh!
17:11Oh!
17:14Oh!
17:15Oh!
17:16Oh!
17:16Well done!
17:19Thanks, everyone.
17:21Well, based on your successful placement of that tail,
17:24your spelling word, you'll be pleased to hear, is ASS.
17:29I'm going to go with the classic A-double-S.
17:33That is correct!
17:41Another point for Phil Wayne!
17:46And now, what does our party clown have lined up for us next?
17:54Win one of our seats!
17:56There you go!
17:59There's a lot of gadgets behind here!
18:01Am I opening it?
18:02Pass this parcel up and down the line and if the music stops while you're holding it, unwrap it.
18:07We'll unwrap until one person wins the prize, a maestro if you please!
18:27MUSIC
18:42Sam, you've got a spot.
18:43I'm doing the argument.
18:44Sorry.
18:48Let's see what he won!
18:52It's nothing!
18:56Maestro!
19:03OK, OK.
19:05It's nothing again!
19:18Go for it!
19:20Lucky girl!
19:23Yeah, it's still nothing!
19:32It's nothing!
19:32Oh wow!
19:34Well now that is some good fortune, it was your game to play!
19:37I'm back with Jackson!
19:40Oh no!
19:41Oh no!
19:43Oh!
19:44Well, well, well!
19:45You've unwrapped the world's most famous three-dimensional combination puzzle.
19:49A Rubik's Cube!
19:50Fun to look at, fun to play, yet somehow not a surefire way to impress the ladies at the Year
19:559 School Disco.
19:57The inventor of the cube and your spelling word is Erna Rubik.
20:03Um, E-R-N-E-R-R-U-B-I-K?
20:09That is incorrect.
20:10I'm sorry.
20:11It's bound to be.
20:12Erna spelled E-R-N-O-R-U-B-I-K.
20:16No point awarded, but the cube is all yours.
20:19And finally, Sam, it's time for our last game.
20:22What have you got for us?
20:23Mother's Puppet.
20:24Oh, that's right.
20:25Yeah, it's Mother's Puppet.
20:27What is Mother's Puppet?
20:28It's for when no-one comes to your party and even your own mother has to duck out to see
20:33Jonathan.
20:35But don't worry, Mother's Puppet will always be there to supervise and save the day.
20:40Guy, it's Mother's Puppet!
20:46Have you played Mother's Puppet, Michelle?
20:48Plenty of time.
20:49Oh, okay.
20:50Well, please head on over and show us how it's time.
20:57Hello, Michelle.
20:58Hi, Sam.
21:00How are you?
21:01You know I was better before.
21:03Yeah.
21:04Oh, well, what are you waiting for?
21:06Chuck on Mother's Puppet.
21:14Michelle, okay, so here's how it works.
21:16I'm me and you're Mother's Puppet, and I'm up in my room.
21:18I'm playing, and I haven't put away all my toys.
21:22But luckily, Mother's Puppet is there to make sure that I'm very tidy, because Jonathan does not like me!
21:28He doesn't like it!
21:31Um, hey there, remember to put away your toys.
21:36Jonathan would be very sad.
21:40Maybe he'll let you go.
21:41Sorry, Michelle, but that's just not right at all.
21:44Mother's Puppet is way more malevolent.
21:47Okay.
21:48And she has a deep smoker's voice.
21:51Listen to me, kid!
21:52Oh, that's good.
21:52If you screw this up one more time, I'm going to take your mum, and I'm going to take your...
21:57Even Mina, even...
21:58I'm going to take your mum, and I'm going to tell you why your dad really left!
22:04You filthy little clown freak, you'll never be having shit!
22:08It's Mother's Puppet!
22:14Wowee!
22:15Well, thank you, Sam, so much for sharing, and Michelle, so much for playing.
22:20You showed remarkable mental and physical dexterity under what I would describe as challenging circumstances.
22:27And your spelling word is puppeteer.
22:30Okay!
22:31P-U-double-P-E-T-double-E-R.
22:37That is correct!
22:43A point is yours, and so concludes our third birthday party.
22:49Thanks so much for all your help, Sam.
22:51Any plans now?
22:51I'm going to get cleaned off.
22:53Can you believe this studio only has showers?
22:56Mother's Puppet likes to bathe!
23:00Give it up to Sam Campbell!
23:04And if he's going to be a new Sam, I think I might become a new guy.
23:13Nicknames, or Nicholas names, are the affectionate names we coin for those we love.
23:18Sharon becomes Shazza.
23:19David becomes Davo.
23:20The man I waved through in traffic this morning who didn't acknowledge me becomes the most ungrateful c*** alive.
23:27For too long, I've been known only by my stage name, Guy Montgomery, and I think I'm ready for something
23:33snappier.
23:34Contestants, your job is to coin a new nickname for me.
23:38The best correctly spelled nickname wins one point.
23:41Pens on pads?
23:42Oh.
23:43Get into it.
23:44And while they're doing that, let's hear from tonight's sponsor.
23:47Tonight's episode is brought to you by...
23:49Conjunctions!
23:50Yeah!
23:52Short sentences, just not cutting it.
23:54Wanting to tell someone you're doing two things today in one efficient sentence?
23:58Well, why not try conjunctions?
24:00The glue of language.
24:01We promise they'll revolutionise your use of language or your money back.
24:06Which is a conjunction, by the way, yeah.
24:08Not the part where I said your money back, but the part where I said or.
24:13And now also the part where I said but.
24:15And most recently, both times when I said and.
24:18They really are the Pringles of language.
24:21And then once you pop, you simply can't stop.
24:24Conjunctions.
24:25The glue of language.
24:29Alright.
24:31That's your time.
24:32Let's find out my new name.
24:34And we'll start with Jillian.
24:35I wanted to give you a nickname that feels relatable and comforting,
24:39but also vaguely like a Mexican franchise.
24:42Okay.
24:42Um, so I've gone for Guzzy Moz Guzzy.
24:49Lovely.
24:50Inspired by any restaurants you can think of?
24:52I couldn't possibly say.
24:53Okay.
24:54Phil, what have you got for me?
24:56Well, I find with nicknames around surnames, especially in Australia,
25:00they always centre around the first syllable, like Monty,
25:03or the end syllable.
25:05But the middle letters don't really get much of a look in.
25:08So I've got, I've gone for the middle ones.
25:10I'm the gay.
25:12Yeah.
25:14Never seen it before.
25:16Rolls off the tongue.
25:17Michelle.
25:17Okay.
25:18So you know how in Australia we usually will use like slang for things
25:21that rhyme, like tomato sauce, dead horse.
25:24You've heard that.
25:25It's normal.
25:26So, just on the topic of dead things, I've gone guy, guy rhymes with die.
25:31And so I've gone, like, who's dead?
25:33And so I've gone, Andrew's dad and mum RIP.
25:39For...
25:44Andrew, how are you doing there?
25:46Um, not so well.
25:49I, uh, I've come not to like you a lot tonight, guy.
25:54And, uh, so I haven't really gone with your surname
25:57so much as who you are.
25:59I guess it's picking up on a theme.
26:00I just went with old parent-killing guy.
26:08You mean to tell me when you arrived at the studio tonight
26:11your parents were alive?
26:13Will you stop bringing up my parents?
26:16Okay.
26:17So going down the line again.
26:18Hold them up for us all to see.
26:21They're all awful.
26:23But, for some reason,
26:25Ontki feels the most like a nickname.
26:27So well done, Phil Wayne.
26:28You've won yourself a point.
26:31Courtesy of old Ontki over here.
26:33And now, I'd like to make an offer to each and every one of our contestants.
26:38And it's one that you can refuse.
26:45For this game, I have prepared for each of you
26:47a word that is bordering on unspellable.
26:50If you somehow spell that word correctly,
26:52you'll earn yourself a healthy two points.
26:55So far, so straightforward.
26:57Well, slow down there, cowboys and girls.
26:59Before you try to spell your effortful expression,
27:02I'm happy to give each of you an offer you can refuse.
27:05That offer being a comically straightforward spelling word.
27:09To access this easy word, all you'll have to do is open the manila folder in front of you
27:13and read whatever you find inside straight down the barrel of the camera.
27:19And what exactly is in the folder?
27:21Well, there's only one way to find out.
27:23Once you've opened the folder, there are no takesies-backsies.
27:27The only way forward is through.
27:29First up, it's Andrew Denton.
27:31And Andrew, your spelling word is...
27:35...praesiodymium.
27:37You better make that statement, Denton.
27:45Is that the person that killed my parents?
27:51I will take the statement, thanks, Guy.
27:55Wow, it's long.
27:58I'm Andrew Denton and I've been robbed.
28:02In 2008, and again in 2009, I was robbed of a gold logie.
28:08I could handle losing once but twice in two years?
28:11And both times, to a woman?
28:18I love women, adore women.
28:21Some of the people who laugh hardest at my jokes are women.
28:25And when they aren't busy laughing, they make for exceptional cooks,
28:29cleaners, nurses...
28:34..and smoking hot models.
28:38But for anyone to think a woman could in any way
28:41be better or more popular than me beggars belief.
28:44Kate Ritchie?
28:46More like Kate Pitchy.
28:50Rebecca Gibney?
28:51More like Rebecca, give me back my logie.
28:55I lost to her?
28:57Rebecca, sweetheart, do the right thing
28:59and courier that trophy to my house.
29:02I'll be waiting and if you want to deliver it by hand,
29:04that wouldn't hurt either.
29:14Thank you for using your time on our show to speak your truth.
29:18Andrew, your word is gold.
29:23Gold. G-O-L-D.
29:26That is correct!
29:28Two points are yours.
29:30How are you feeling, Michelle?
29:33Trepidatious.
29:35Your word is...
29:37Dolly cocephaly.
29:39No, it's not.
29:42What's it going to be?
29:45Yeah, go on.
29:46Everybody give it up for Michelle.
29:51Don't read ahead, just take it from the top.
29:54OK.
29:55Woof, woof.
29:57Dogs, we all know them.
29:58We all love them.
30:00And no one loves them more than the hard-working men, women
30:04and they-them's who train greyhounds.
30:11Greyhounds are like Bruce Springsteen.
30:13They are born to run.
30:15They love it and I should know I've got 20 of them.
30:20That's right, I have 20 greyhounds and they're all rescues.
30:24Rescued from the monotony of living in a suburban environment
30:28and safely returned to their natural habitat, the racetrack.
30:34The cuck leftists who control the media and parliament have been running a smear campaign against
30:41so-to-the-earth Australians like me to try and wipe out our livelihood and I'm not having it.
30:47Also, if they die during a race, why aren't we eating them?
30:52LAUGHTER
30:56Talk about leaving meat on the bone, I waive the remainder of my time.
31:02APPLAUSE
31:05Thank you, Michelle. Such passion.
31:08Yeah.
31:08And as a reward for your passion, your word is dog.
31:12D-O-G.
31:13That is correct!
31:16Two points are yours.
31:18All right, Phil.
31:21Let's do this.
31:22OK.
31:22Your spelling word is...
31:25Fremiceton.
31:27I'd love to spell that word.
31:30But there's something I need to get off my chest.
31:37OK.
31:39This one goes out to my boy, Timmy Chalamet.
31:44Have I done something to piss you off, brother?
31:47You asked me to be in Wonka to help the box office and I was happy to oblige.
31:51Sure, it was only one scene, but I think we made movie magic.
31:55I broke my arm for that movie and you said, while I was being put in the ambulance, that if
31:59I have any problems, I could come to you.
32:02Well, guess what? My arm might be better, but last time I checked, hemorrhoids are a problem, Tim.
32:10A massive problem.
32:12Encasing my grunt hole.
32:16I'm standing right here, telling you, begging you, message me back.
32:23If you want me to stop sending pictures, I'll stop.
32:28If you want the pictures more zoomed in, I'll zoom them in more.
32:33But the one thing I won't do is give up on you.
32:37Now, Gillian, get your sweet ass over here and help Papa Philly rub in his cream.
32:48Phil, your word is ow.
32:50I'm going to go ow.
32:52That is correct!
32:56Two points to Phil.
32:58And last but not least, it's the famously upbeat Gillian Cosgriff.
33:02Now, your spelling word is deepness sophistai.
33:06How upset would you be if I just try and spell...
33:09I'm not going, I have to know.
33:10I have to know.
33:12It's up to you, all right.
33:12Gillian Cosgriff.
33:16From the top.
33:19No!
33:23Not to be a bitch, but I'm not going to say my name because everyone already knows who I am.
33:30While many of you may know me for my legendary career as a musical comedian,
33:33a lot of others will also recognise me from my time in the cast of Harry Potter and The Cursed
33:38Child.
33:40During my three years stealing the show, I was lucky enough to play Moaning Myrtle and later Delphi.
33:44Two incredibly powerful female characters
33:48who could only come from the mind of one of our greatest creative thinkers
33:53and foremost cultural critics.
33:56Shout out JK.
34:03Hey, ABC social media person, clip this next bit up and post it context-free on Instagram.
34:13JK Rowling is a queen.
34:16The J stands for just and the K stands for nose.
34:20She just knows stuff.
34:22I'm actually going to dinner with her and clavicular when we finish so I better wrap this up.
34:27Free speech is the most important cause in the world and I have the clarity of mind to think this
34:32because I'm not vaccinated.
34:34LAUGHTER
34:37Hey, yeah, yeah.
34:40Thank you Guy for platforming me.
34:45Yes!
34:46Right over there!
34:49Thank you Gillian, your word is lady.
34:55L-A-D-Y.
34:56That is correct!
35:00And now we know what these people stand for, why don't we partner them with some members of the general
35:05public?
35:10A show without an audience is a cry for help.
35:13And an audience without a show is what you all were in the lobby 40 minutes ago.
35:17But what happens if you bring these two disparate things together?
35:20Well, to help us find out, please welcome back to the studio, making his debut as a man going out
35:25into the crowd, it's Sam Campbell!
35:32Thanks Guy, appreciate it, appreciate it a lot.
35:35What's going on there, brother? You're looking a little worse for wear.
35:38Come with you Guy.
35:40We used the wrong paint and they put on the wig so tight, they said they're going to need to
35:45cut it off when the swelling goes down.
35:48You have a great team, but the de-clowning process has made fools of us all.
35:54You look awful.
35:57Are you sure you want to do this?
35:59My paws are screaming no.
36:01But the show must go on!
36:06Contestants, in this round you'll direct Sam to find an audience member you think has a name you'll be able
36:10to spell.
36:11Sam will usher them to the stage, they will tell you their first and last name and then you'll have
36:15a crack.
36:16Can't say much fairer than that.
36:17Sam, away you go.
36:24And Phil, as you are currently leading, you have the honour of first choice.
36:29Um, that guy looks really sweet actually.
36:31This fella?
36:32Yeah.
36:32Oh, please stand up.
36:33Here we come.
36:34Here we go.
36:38Well, I'm hoping that top is from your business.
36:42I am a generic white guy.
36:44Not quite that generic, I'm so sorry.
36:47Beautiful stranger, what is your name?
36:49My name is Dylan McGillivray.
36:53It was looking so good.
36:55Do your friends call you Dylan McGillie?
36:57They do.
36:58They also call me Dildo, it's a sad life.
37:01My friends call me Aunt Gee.
37:05OK, so Dylan, I'm going to try D-Y-L-A-N.
37:14McGillivray.
37:15So I'm going to say M-C-G-I-L-L-I-V-R-A-Y.
37:23That is...
37:24Correct!
37:28Oh my God!
37:30Well done Phil Wang, everybody give it up for Dylan McGillivray!
37:36Unbelievable, what a pull that was.
37:38What a thrill, I've never felt this alive.
37:40Very impressive.
37:41OK, moving on now to second place.
37:43That would be you currently, Jillian.
37:44Who would you like to spell?
37:45Am I allowed to pick one of the prisoners?
37:47I don't see why not.
37:49I would love to pick far right.
37:51You, my friend.
37:51Yes, hello.
37:52Hi!
37:53He might be far right.
37:54All right.
38:00Oh my God!
38:03Such a good scene with you two, yeah.
38:09Hello, my friend.
38:10What is your name?
38:11Nash A Church.
38:13And is that tattooed anywhere on your body?
38:17First name isn't, but the last name is.
38:19Oh, how interesting.
38:21And can I get a look at the ick?
38:23Anywhere, anywhere vaguely?
38:23Is it on the small of your back?
38:25No, it's on me face.
38:27It's on the face?
38:28Yeah, it's on the face.
38:29May I approach the prisoner?
38:32I guess, I see why not, yeah.
38:38How are you?
38:39How are you?
38:39How are you?
38:40I'm very well.
38:41Oh, and I'm so glad I came over because I was going to get it wrong.
38:44OK, your name is Nash A Church.
38:46Yes.
38:46This looks like what I imagine a polyamorous sort of household.
38:52You're our nucleus.
38:57Nash A Church.
38:58A Church, yeah.
38:59N-A-S-H.
39:00Yeah.
39:01A-C-H-U-R-C-H.
39:03Yeah, that's correct.
39:04Yeah.
39:06Thank you very much.
39:08Come on.
39:09Congratulations, Jimmy.
39:10And a quarter of yours.
39:11Thank you very much.
39:14All right.
39:15You are currently tied for third place, but Michelle, I'll let you select first.
39:19Who would you like to spell?
39:21OK, you look so excited.
39:23Could I have you, my friend?
39:25Oh, Brett.
39:26Excitable boy.
39:27Hello.
39:28How are you doing?
39:34If my granddad's watching me on TV right now, love you Frank.
39:37Oh!
39:40And that's better.
39:42Hi, honey.
39:43What's your name?
39:43Well, my name isn't honey, but...
39:52My name is Daniel Cridland.
39:56OK, Daniel Cridland.
39:59Yes.
39:59And is that with an A or a...?
40:01What's that?
40:03D-A-N-I-E-L-C-R-E.
40:10D-L-A-N-D.
40:13You were so close.
40:15Well, I was joking.
40:16I was just joking.
40:17I heard because that was an E.
40:20That is incorrect.
40:21So how do you spell your surname?
40:23C-R-I-D-L-A-N-D.
40:28Daniel Cridland.
40:29Give it up for Daniel, everybody.
40:31I'm sorry.
40:31Thank you, Daniel.
40:32Sorry, Daniel.
40:34You should be ashamed.
40:35I'm sorry.
40:38OK.
40:39OK.
40:40Andrew, the final selection.
40:42Who in this audience would you like to spell?
40:44Well, the gentleman with the cane.
40:46The very fancy cane.
40:47OK.
40:48Very well.
40:48Welcome to the stage.
40:49The gentleman with the cane.
40:55You should do a summer song.
40:56OK.
40:58Easy.
41:00How are you going?
41:00Oh, yeah, really well.
41:01How are you?
41:03I'm all right, except for the cane.
41:04Oh.
41:06Andrew, do you want to get involved in this?
41:08No, I don't want to interrupt the conversation.
41:11You know, what is your name, sir?
41:13Andrew, I always thought you were a smart man, but you've gone out on a limb tonight, mate.
41:18Oh, no.
41:19The name is Greg Young.
41:22Oh!
41:31G-R-E-G-Y-O-U-N-G.
41:36Very close.
41:37Oh!
41:39Exactly right.
41:44Good up for Greg Young!
41:49Andrew, the point is yours.
41:51And a huge thank you to all our audience members for braving not just the spotlight, but also the company
41:56of Sam.
41:58And if I look at the scores, we currently have Michelle on three, Andrew on four, Jillian on five, and
42:04Phil Wang out in front on seven points!
42:06Yay!
42:08Not that any of that matters, though, because it's now time for our final round.
42:18Buzz!
42:19It's what all of you are generating online for your brave statements from two rounds ago.
42:23But for the next five minutes, it's what you'll be doing with your buzzes.
42:27The buzz round is our all or nothing finale, in which I will read words at a pace from a
42:31themed list, and you will buzz in if you think you know how to spell them.
42:34Spell the word correctly, that's plus one to your name.
42:37Spell it incorrectly, we'll remove a point.
42:40Michelle, you need help the most, so I'll give you the agency of choosing which theme you'll be spelling from.
42:46Will it be pasta, green, famous mice, or the elderly?
42:55Famous mice, please.
42:56We'll start upon my reading the first word and end when we are instructed to do so.
43:03Mickey.
43:03Andrew.
43:04M-I-C-K-E-Y.
43:06Correct.
43:07Speedy Gonzales.
43:08Gillian.
43:08S-P-E-E-D-Y-G-O-N-Z-A-L-E-S.
43:12Correct.
43:13Jerry.
43:14Phil.
43:15J-E-R-R-Y.
43:17Correct.
43:17Despero.
43:18Andrew.
43:19That is incorrect.
43:22Despero?
43:23Despero.
43:23D-E-S-P-E-R-O.
43:25Incorrect.
43:26Ratatouille.
43:27Gillian.
43:30R-A-T-A-T-O-U-I-L-L-E.
43:35Correct.
43:37Deadmau5.
43:38D-E-A-D-M-A-U-5.
43:41Correct.
43:42Stuart Little.
43:43Phil.
43:44S-T-U-A-R-T-L-I-T-T-L-E.
43:48Correct.
43:49Norman the doorman.
43:50Andrew.
43:50N-O-R-M-A-N-T-H-E-D-O-R-M-A-N.
43:55Correct.
43:56Gus.
43:57Gillian.
43:58G-U-S.
43:59Correct.
43:59Beatrix Potter.
44:00Andrew.
44:01B-E-A-T-R-I-X-P-O-T-E-R.
44:04Correct.
44:05Mouseketeers.
44:06Andrew.
44:07M-O-U-S-E-K-E-T-E-E-R-S.
44:10Correct.
44:11Rat.
44:12Michelle.
44:17R-A-T.
44:18Correct.
44:19Looney Tunes.
44:20Andrew.
44:21L-O-O-N-E-Y-T-O-O-N-S.
44:24Incorrect.
44:25Oh, no.
44:26What?
44:27Itchy.
44:27Salt City.
44:29I-T-C-H-Y.
44:31That is correct.
44:33And that's it.
44:35That's all we're allowed to do.
44:36And congratulations to Phil.
44:39You've just won our first episode for the season.
44:47And give it up for the man on debut, it's Sam Campbell!
44:54Now, with less vigour, will you please accompany Michelle
44:57to sit upon the stool of reflection?
45:01APPLAUSE
45:13That's it. That's our first episode.
45:16Please once more for all your contestants tonight,
45:18Andrew Denton, Michelle Brazier, Phil Wang and Gillian Kitesgriff.
45:24Join us next time as Phil Wang takes on Frank Woodley,
45:27Shibana Aziz and Sarah Kiewicz.
45:29For now, you can call me Guy Montgomery
45:31because that's the name I was given at birth.
45:33Good night!
45:41APPLAUSE
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