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Jimmy Kimmel Live - Season 24 - Episode 110: Goldie Hawn, Asif Ali, Saagar Shaikh, Duran Duran, Nile Rodgers
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00:00From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:04Tonight, Holdi Han from Deli Boys, Asif Ali and Sagar Sheik,
00:10plus music from Duran Duran featuring Nile Rodgers with The Cletones!
00:17And now, Jimmy Kimmel!
00:33Thank you for joining us here at our home in Hollywood.
00:44We are very pleased to welcome you, especially those visiting us from outside the United States.
00:50You are in royal company. The royals are here in the U.S.
00:54King Charles and Queen Camilla spent the day in New York today shooting rats.
01:01Last night, they were honored, the king and queen, with a lavish state dinner at the White House.
01:05About 100 guests enjoyed a garden vegetable velouté, handcrafted spring-herbed ravioli,
01:12a Doversolle mounier bathed in a nutty brown butter, spring ramps, snow peas, a potato pave,
01:18and a deep-fried Twinkie for dessert with Jell-O on it.
01:23Glad to get some American stuff in there.
01:26So, King Charles is here to try to mend the fractured relationship between the United States
01:32and everyone, really. Everyone in the world has a...
01:35We are about as popular as scabies right now.
01:38Our special relationship with England is on the rocks,
01:42but that wasn't the only special relationship on display last night.
01:46Our first couple, Donald and Melania, who lately have seemed closer than ever,
01:49and I like to think I played a part in that.
01:53I like to go...
01:56Watch them here and...
01:59Watch their hands, if you will, as they enter with the king and queen,
02:03because the hands say so much.
02:07Melania's wearing gloves.
02:09There's the king and the queen.
02:12And here we go.
02:20Yeah, maybe...
02:22Anybody else coming?
02:26Hello?
02:29A little tap.
02:35And...
02:36Yeah, all right, okay.
02:39Uh, yeah, there you go.
02:41You know what, considering the week I've had with the first couple,
02:44I'm just gonna say that it's a completely normal way
02:46to interact for two people who are very much in love.
02:56Maybe that's why his hands are all bruised from Melania swatting them away.
03:01This is a big night for Trump.
03:03He absolutely loves being alongside the royals,
03:06and the idea that they have to kiss his ass
03:09is as bigly as it gets for him.
03:12The king, he laid it on thick.
03:14He came bearing exactly the kind of gift Trump loves to get,
03:18a big gold thing with his name on it.
03:20Speaking of submarine alliances,
03:22there was one particular AUKUS predecessor.
03:26Her name?
03:29HMS Trump.
03:31So, tonight, Mr. President,
03:33I am delighted to present to you as a personal gift,
03:37um,
03:39the original bell,
03:41which hung on the conning tower of your valiant namesake,
03:46may...
03:47may it stand
03:48as a, uh, testimony
03:51to our nation's shared history
03:53and shining future.
03:55Yeah.
03:56Unfortunately,
03:56the only bell Trump likes is the taco one.
03:59So...
04:00But that's smart.
04:02You give him an olden bell
04:04from the Trump submarine.
04:07What if he starts wearing it?
04:09Jingling his way around the white?
04:10Could be a game changer for Melania at night.
04:13You know?
04:14The king told the president to cherish the bell
04:17and ring it
04:18whence do you run low on tomato ketchup.
04:21And then it was time for his majesty
04:23to offer his prepared remarks.
04:25He leaped in some commentary
04:27about the royal mess he's made in Iran.
04:29We're doing a little Middle East work right now,
04:31too, if you might know.
04:32And we're doing very well.
04:34We have militarily defeated
04:36that particular opponent.
04:38And we're never gonna let that opponent
04:41ever...
04:42Charles agrees with me
04:43even more than I do.
04:45We're never gonna let that opponent
04:46have a nuclear weapon.
04:48Wait a minute.
04:49How does someone agree with you
04:50more than you agree with yourself?
04:54It's...
04:54Charles agrees with me 400.
04:56Some are saying 500.
04:58Even 600%.
05:00And I thought it was very interesting.
05:02I don't know if you caught it.
05:04And he now keeps saying
05:06we've militarily defeated Iran.
05:08It's the war version of conscious uncoupling.
05:11We are now on day 60 of this war.
05:14The White House...
05:15The other day issued a statement
05:16saying the United States
05:17will not negotiate through the press.
05:19And last night I made a joke about that.
05:20I said, right,
05:21we exclusively negotiate
05:23through Truth Social posts
05:25from the president's toilet
05:26in the middle of the night.
05:26And then, sure enough,
05:28a few hours later,
05:29early this morning,
05:30he posted this.
05:32Iran can't get their act together.
05:34They don't know how to sign
05:35a non-nuclear deal.
05:36They better get smart soon.
05:38No more Mr. Nice Guy.
05:40He posted this at 4.05 a.m.
05:43So much for toning down
05:45the rhetoric, I guess.
05:46Can we maybe get him
05:47one of those bricks
05:48that locks him out of his phone
05:49between hours of midnight and sick?
05:52Maybe one of those yonder pouches
05:53they have in conscious.
05:56Because...
05:58I mean...
06:01How are the Iranians
06:02supposed to react to that?
06:04Is it supposed to...
06:04Is it supposed to scare them?
06:06Wait, where am I?
06:06Is this supposed to scare them?
06:09Best case scenario,
06:10they go,
06:11you know what?
06:11The old man's lost his marbles.
06:13He can't sleep.
06:14He's cosplaying as fat John Wick.
06:19I think we need to call his kids
06:21to make sure he's okay.
06:22Does he really think
06:23that this image
06:24will strike fear
06:25into the beards
06:26of those hardcore
06:27religious zealots
06:28running around?
06:29After two months
06:30of being bombed,
06:31they're going to
06:31open their laptops,
06:32they're going to look
06:32and they're going to go,
06:33oh, Mushtaba,
06:35get in here.
06:35This time he means business.
06:38He looks like Rambo
06:39and Dumbo
06:40at the same time.
06:42But I do want to commend him.
06:44What happened
06:44at the Correspondents' Dinner
06:45on Saturday
06:46was very scary
06:47and he waited
06:48three whole days
06:49before posting a picture
06:50of himself
06:50holding an assault rifle,
06:52showing a lot of restraint.
06:54And when he's not
06:55posting crazy stuff
06:56in the middle of the night,
06:57the president is busy
06:58putting his name on things.
06:59A few weeks ago,
07:00we learned he's planning
07:01to put his signature on money
07:02and now the State Department
07:04is reported
07:05to be finalizing plans
07:06to put Trump's beautiful face
07:08on U.S. passports.
07:10This is the mock-up
07:11for what they call
07:13a limited edition passport
07:15to honor America's
07:16250th birthday.
07:17There's a photo of Trump
07:19on the inside.
07:21The back side
07:22is a portrait
07:22of the founding fathers
07:23complaining about it.
07:24And what an expression.
07:27Go into that.
07:27This is the look
07:28he has on his face
07:29when his secretary tells him,
07:30I have Eric on line one.
07:35Imagine the warm welcome.
07:37You will get
07:38when you hand this
07:39to a foreign customs agent.
07:41And read the fine print there.
07:43It says,
07:44not for use
07:45in whole country.
07:47I'm not exactly sure
07:48when this offer
07:50for this passport
07:51will go into effect,
07:51but if you need
07:52to renew your passport,
07:53do it tomorrow morning.
07:56Because it lasts
07:57for 10 years.
07:58The next time
07:58you'll need to renew it
07:59is 2036,
08:00and there's only
08:01like a 50% chance
08:02he'll still be president
08:03by then.
08:04At the White House today,
08:06the president welcomed
08:06the astronauts
08:07from Artemis II.
08:08This was a chance
08:09for the administration
08:10to celebrate
08:11their historic achievement
08:12of reaching
08:12the far side of the moon
08:13and for the president
08:14to take credit
08:15for them reaching
08:16the far side of the moon.
08:17Trump had a lot
08:18of positive things
08:19to say about this trip
08:20to the moon,
08:21which is funny
08:22because during his first term
08:23as president,
08:23he said,
08:24for all the money
08:25we're spending,
08:26NASA should not be talking
08:27about going to the moon.
08:29And now he sent
08:30them to the moon.
08:31And he was very gracious
08:32in receiving both
08:33the astronauts
08:34and NASA Administrator
08:36Jared Isaacman.
08:37Are you considering
08:38relocating NASA's headquarters
08:40out of D.C.
08:41once the lease is up?
08:42States like Texas,
08:43Ohio, and Florida.
08:44Well, the best man
08:45to tell you that
08:46is the man standing
08:47right over here.
08:47You heard that question?
08:49With those beautiful
08:49ears of yours?
08:51He's got great hearing
08:52in him.
08:53He's got super...
08:58This guy's probably
08:59a genius
09:00and he's making...
09:01Let me tell you
09:02what that was
09:02because I know
09:03exactly how his brain works.
09:04I've studied him
09:05like Jane Goodall
09:06in The Chimpanzees,
09:07okay?
09:09Trump spent
09:10the whole day and night
09:12with King Charles
09:12yesterday
09:13looking at his ears
09:16and he couldn't say anything
09:17because he's the king.
09:19So then this poor guy
09:20sashays in
09:21and he gets Mickey Mouse
09:23right in front of everybody.
09:25And then we have
09:26this absolutely
09:27pigeon-brained vendetta
09:29against former
09:29FBI Director
09:30Jim Comey
09:31who they indicted
09:32on bogus charges
09:34once in September.
09:35Those got thrown
09:36out of court
09:37and so now
09:38they're going
09:38after him again.
09:39This might be
09:40the most egregious
09:41move they've made yet.
09:42Jim Comey,
09:43first of all,
09:44is a lifelong Republican.
09:45He was FBI Director
09:47under Obama
09:48and Trump.
09:49He oversaw
09:50the investigation
09:50into Russia
09:51collusion-palooza
09:52which Donald did not like.
09:54So yesterday
09:54the Justice Department
09:55came up with
09:56a new indictment
09:57against Comey
09:58claiming he posted
09:59a death threat
09:59against the president
10:01on Instagram last year.
10:02Now if you've not seen it,
10:04this was the death threat.
10:06It is a photo
10:07of seashells
10:09and some rocks
10:10on the beach
10:11arranged to read
10:1286-47.
10:14And that could land
10:15Jim Comey
10:15in prison
10:16for 10 years.
10:18Now 86
10:19is a restaurant term
10:20for when you cancel
10:21an order
10:21and Trump
10:22is the 47th president.
10:24But Trump
10:25took this
10:26conveniently
10:27in a very different way.
10:28And the rumor is
10:29that part of the reason
10:29Pam Bondi got the axe
10:31is because even she
10:32didn't think
10:33this was worth pursuing.
10:34But Acting Attorney General
10:35Todd Blanche
10:36is very eager
10:37to get the job
10:38permanently
10:38and so now
10:39he has to go out there
10:40and defend this
10:41with a straight face.
10:42Jack Paskovic posted
10:43on X
10:4486-46.
10:46He did not take it down.
10:47He did not apologize.
10:49Mr. Comey has done
10:49both of those things.
10:50Will the Justice Department
10:52pursue that case?
10:53Because they sound
10:54very similar.
10:55That's just completely
10:57not true.
10:57That's not how
10:58a grand jury
10:59does its work.
11:00They don't just look
11:00at a single image
11:01and then say,
11:02okay, yes,
11:03we'll indict
11:04or okay, no,
11:05we won't indict.
11:05They do an investigation.
11:07So the answer is no.
11:09They do an investigation.
11:11They leave
11:12no seashell unturned.
11:14Of course it's serious
11:15when you threaten
11:16the President
11:16of the United States
11:17and anybody
11:17that tries to put forward
11:19some narrative
11:19that this is just
11:20about seashells
11:22or something
11:22to the contrary
11:23is missing the point.
11:24The point is
11:25Trump's got his hand
11:27up my ass
11:27like a sock puppet.
11:29Do you think...
11:30I mean...
11:33I wonder...
11:34I probably should
11:36have looked this up
11:36but do you think
11:37a U.S. Attorney General
11:38has ever said the words
11:39this isn't just about
11:40seashells before?
11:42So today Trump
11:43was asked to explain
11:44this silliness
11:45which gave him
11:46a chance to play
11:47his favorite part,
11:48innocent victim.
11:49Do you really think
11:50that he was endangering
11:51your life
11:51or threatening your life
11:52with that?
11:52Well, if anybody knows
11:53anything about crime,
11:57they know 86.
11:58You know what 86...
11:59It's a mob term
12:00for kill him.
12:02You know?
12:02You ever see the movies?
12:0486 him.
12:05The mobster says
12:06to one of his
12:07wonderful associates,
12:0886 him.
12:09That means kill him.
12:11It's...
12:12I think of it
12:12as a mob term.
12:13I don't know.
12:14People think of it
12:15as something
12:15having to do
12:16with disappearing
12:17but the mob
12:18uses that term
12:19to say
12:20when they want
12:20to kill somebody,
12:21they say,
12:2386,
12:24the son of a gun.
12:26That's right.
12:26I think we all remember
12:27that famous quote
12:28from The Godfather
12:29when Don Corleone said,
12:3186,
12:32fix the son of a gun
12:34and do it
12:35with seashells.
12:37Poor James Comey.
12:39This guy.
12:41He has to hire a lawyer.
12:43He has to defend himself.
12:44And if he loses,
12:45he might go to prison
12:46because Donald Trump
12:47watched Goodfellas
12:48on TBS this weekend.
12:50When is enough enough already?
12:52Even Republicans
12:53are starting to speak out
12:54about these vendettas
12:55coming after talk shows,
12:57Instagram posts.
12:59This is not the behavior
13:00of a well man.
13:01But the good news is,
13:03help is a Trump Rx
13:05prescription away.
13:06Nobody said
13:07getting older was easy.
13:09You're struggling
13:10to stay awake.
13:11Your memory is fading.
13:13Our great first lady
13:14who's here someplace.
13:16Let's see.
13:17I think this is
13:18our first lady.
13:19Your dear lifelong friends
13:21are dead.
13:22And no matter what you do,
13:24you just can't
13:25get your pole up.
13:27It's time
13:28to make yourself
13:29great again
13:30with Resign.
13:32Go back to doing
13:34the things you want.
13:35No more intelligence briefings,
13:37questions about
13:38the way you started,
13:39or shaking hands
13:40with the French.
13:44Resign will lift
13:45the weight of the world
13:46off your cankles
13:48so you can grab life
13:49by the p***y again.
13:51Ask your conscience
13:52if Resign
13:53is right for you.
13:54Side effects include
13:55spontaneous celebrations,
13:56loss of ballroom,
13:57and firm global erections
13:58that will last for years
13:59to come.
14:00Get your life back
14:01and give us hours
14:03with Resign.
14:06I'm J.D. Pence,
14:07and I approve
14:08this message.
14:10We have a big show
14:11to ride.
14:12The Deli Boys are here.
14:13We have music
14:14from Duran Duran
14:15with Niall Roberts,
14:17and we'll be right back
14:18with Goldie Hawn.
14:26Hi there.
14:26Welcome back to the show.
14:28Tonight, they are the funniest
14:29convenience store workers
14:30on television.
14:31Their show is called
14:32Deli Boys.
14:33Asif Ali and Sagar Sheik
14:35are with us,
14:36and then later,
14:37they have been in our lives
14:39and ears for more
14:40than four decades.
14:41This is their latest song,
14:42Free to Love,
14:43Duran Duran,
14:44with Niall Rogers.
14:46You can see Duran Duran.
14:48Headlining the Beach Life
14:50Festival in Redondo Beach
14:51this weekend here
14:52and also at Hyde Park
14:55in London on July 5th.
14:56Tomorrow night,
14:57our guests will be
14:58Meryl Streep
14:59and from The Daily Show,
15:00Desi Lydic.
15:01So please join us for that.
15:02Our first guest tonight
15:03is an Oscar-winning movie star,
15:05a world-class giggler,
15:07and best-selling author, too.
15:09This is her first book
15:10for kids,
15:11The After School Kindness Crew.
15:12It comes out May 5th.
15:14Please say hello
15:14to Goldie Hawn.
15:36Welcome, welcome.
15:40How are you?
15:41How are you?
15:42How are you?
15:43How are you?
15:43How are you?
15:45Everyone loves you, right?
15:46There's nobody that doesn't like you.
15:47Is there anybody
15:48that doesn't like you?
15:49I don't know.
15:50I don't think so.
15:51I've never heard anyone
15:53say anything bad about you.
15:54Well, I don't want them to.
15:57Yeah.
15:57So maybe that's why.
15:58I don't want people to,
15:59but they're doing it all the time.
16:03How's everything?
16:04Everything is great.
16:05Can I tell us
16:06about a personal interaction
16:08that we had
16:08that I thought was very interesting?
16:10Yeah, I'd love that.
16:11So I think I had just hosted the Oscars,
16:14and you and I were talking about
16:15when you won the Oscar
16:16in your first movie,
16:18which is crazy to start with.
16:20Crazy, crazy.
16:20And I was asking you about it.
16:23Cactus Flower.
16:24Yeah.
16:251970, and I was asking you
16:27about your experience,
16:28about when you won.
16:30And you said,
16:31well, I wasn't there.
16:32I wasn't at the ceremony.
16:34No.
16:35And then I asked you
16:36if you said
16:37you were in London.
16:39Well, I was making up
16:40my second picture
16:40with Peter Sellers.
16:41Uh-huh.
16:42And I just forgot
16:43they were on television.
16:44You forgot the Oscars were on.
16:46I forgot the Oscars were on.
16:47There's a big time difference,
16:48obviously, in London.
16:49I know, but I was sleeping,
16:50and I got a phone call,
16:51and they said,
16:53and I didn't know
16:54it was like a publicity person,
16:55I guess,
16:56but they said,
16:56you won.
16:57And I went,
16:57I won what?
16:59I mean, I had no idea,
17:00and I won the Academy Award.
17:03Yeah, you won the Academy Award.
17:08And then I asked you
17:10who accepted it on your behalf.
17:13Right, and it was Raquel Welch?
17:15Raquel Welch was the answer.
17:16I didn't know.
17:17But you had,
17:18you told me you had never seen it.
17:20You did not know.
17:21You never watched it.
17:22No, I didn't.
17:23And so then I found it
17:24and sent it to you,
17:26and you watched it, right?
17:28I, and cried.
17:29You cried?
17:29Okay, good, good.
17:31I'm glad I made an impact.
17:32You did.
17:32You made an impact on me.
17:34Yeah, yeah.
17:34But it was really,
17:36he was my idol.
17:37And I didn't know why.
17:39Well, I,
17:39Fred Astaire was the presenter,
17:41right?
17:41You're talking about?
17:42Exactly.
17:42Yeah, right.
17:42So he was the one,
17:43sorry,
17:44that said my name.
17:46And,
17:46and he was my total idol.
17:48And when I got the,
17:50uh,
17:50a telegram,
17:51because then,
17:52I got telegrams back then,
17:54is that he,
17:55he,
17:55he,
17:56he,
17:56he congratulated me.
17:57And I thought,
17:58gosh,
17:58Fred Astaire
18:00congratulated me?
18:01I had no idea
18:02that he actually
18:03said my name
18:04when he opened
18:05the envelope.
18:06It was him.
18:07That's pretty crazy,
18:08right?
18:08And you,
18:09you shared that with me.
18:11I'll never forget that.
18:12Yeah,
18:12well,
18:13you know,
18:13I mean,
18:14you know you've done
18:15a lot in your life
18:16when you never think
18:17to go on YouTube
18:18and Google
18:18your own
18:19Academy Award.
18:20I did not.
18:23That's,
18:23I think,
18:23a good sign.
18:25Your daughter,
18:27Kate Hudson,
18:28was nominated
18:28for an Oscar,
18:29as you know,
18:30earlier this year.
18:31And,
18:34you were her date
18:35to the Oscars.
18:36I know,
18:36she asked me
18:37to be her date.
18:38That had to be
18:39very exciting.
18:39So I was really honored.
18:41Of course I'll be your date.
18:42Yeah.
18:42It was like a big deal.
18:43That's got to be
18:44much better
18:45than being nominated
18:46yourself,
18:47right?
18:47Oh,
18:48it's completely different.
18:49I mean,
18:50there's no,
18:50I can't,
18:51I can't talk about it
18:52without crying.
18:53I mean,
18:53if it was me,
18:54I wouldn't be crying,
18:55you know.
18:56But with my daughter,
18:57of course,
18:57it's like,
18:58and she's so brilliantly talented.
19:00Yes.
19:00And very sweet.
19:02And sweet
19:02and a good person
19:03and,
19:04you know,
19:04all of the,
19:05all of the above.
19:06But it was one of those nights
19:07that we kind of knew
19:08she wasn't going to win.
19:10And we said,
19:10Mom,
19:11and I said,
19:12no matter what,
19:13we're just going to have
19:13a great time tonight.
19:15And that's what we did.
19:16We all went.
19:17The family was there.
19:18Of course,
19:19you know,
19:19we go everywhere together.
19:20You guys do.
19:21I do.
19:22I think your family's
19:23been on this show
19:24more than any other family.
19:25I'm not sure
19:26if there are any families
19:27that have been on,
19:27besides mine.
19:30Your daughter,
19:31Kate,
19:31Oliver,
19:32Wyatt,
19:33your daughter-in-law
19:34has been here,
19:35Meredith.
19:36I know.
19:36And of course,
19:37your long-term roommate
19:39slash lover,
19:40Kurt Russell.
19:40Exactly.
19:41Exactly.
19:43And what I've noticed,
19:45because we almost always
19:46talk about your family,
19:48is it seems like you guys
19:49are having a lot of fun.
19:51Well,
19:51first of all,
19:52we miss someone,
19:52and that's Boston.
19:53Now,
19:54I would say Boston
19:55is Kurt's firstborn.
19:56He was one of the great gifts
19:58that Kurt brought me
19:59in my life.
20:00And a Boston Russell.
20:01And he's a psychotherapist.
20:03He's a psychotherapist.
20:04So on top of everything,
20:06I got also someone
20:07who does and is interested
20:09in the things that I am.
20:11It's what this part
20:12of my life is all about.
20:12Yeah, you are.
20:13I know you are,
20:14and I know that's why
20:15you wrote that book.
20:16Exactly,
20:16and why we're here
20:17and so forth.
20:18But, you know,
20:19it's a great,
20:19we laugh.
20:20I remember when the kids
20:21were little,
20:22and we would go
20:24on vacation together,
20:25and they said,
20:25can we not invite anybody else
20:27but just our family?
20:28Oh.
20:29And it meant so much,
20:31you know,
20:31it's like we just,
20:33and, and, and...
20:33My kids go,
20:34just our family?
20:38Aren't there going
20:39to be any kids there?
20:40But, but, but,
20:41but there's another part
20:42of it is,
20:42is that Kurt is really a kid,
20:44and I don't think
20:45I've fully grown up.
20:46So I think that our children
20:48actually,
20:49well, we model for them,
20:50right?
20:51So that's what we did.
20:53You, um...
20:56One thing that
20:57a lot of the members
20:58of your family
20:58seem to have in common
20:59is that you've had,
21:01of sightings
21:02of unidentified flying objects.
21:05It's really...
21:05No, no, no.
21:06Yeah.
21:07Kurt has?
21:08Yeah.
21:08You have?
21:09Yeah.
21:09What was your experience?
21:11I was, um,
21:14in West Covina,
21:15dancing.
21:16I was a dancer then.
21:17I was about 18-ish,
21:20I'm sorry, 19 maybe.
21:21And I literally
21:23was dancing in,
21:24in, in Anaheim.
21:25I thought that was Hollywood,
21:26but I wasn't.
21:27Um, but,
21:28and then I was living there
21:30in a,
21:30in a little apartment
21:31and I went outside
21:32and I literally sat there
21:34and I don't know
21:35where this came from.
21:36I don't know,
21:37except I'm always looking
21:38for things that I can't see
21:39to understand
21:40what's going on
21:40in the world.
21:41I looked up in the sky
21:42and I said,
21:43I know you're up there
21:45and I know we're not alone
21:48and I want to meet you
21:50one day.
21:52And that was that.
21:54And about three months later,
21:55I was now dancing
21:56in West Covina
21:58in the theater
21:59in the round
22:00and I got really sleepy.
22:02Like, I don't know why.
22:03I wasn't out all night.
22:05I was just like,
22:05somebody gave me a shot
22:06of like Valium.
22:08And I said,
22:08could I go sleep
22:09in the back of your car?
22:10And I said this
22:10to one of my dancer friends
22:11named Todd.
22:12I lay down in the car.
22:13I don't remember
22:14anything after that.
22:15And I heard
22:16a high-pitched sound
22:17in my ear,
22:19but it was so high frequency.
22:21And I was lying
22:23in the back of the car.
22:23I remember looking
22:24at my hand and my body
22:26and I couldn't move anything.
22:27I was completely paralyzed.
22:28And I looked out the window.
22:30Two people,
22:32short, whatever,
22:33looking at me
22:34with triangular-shaped
22:36sort of heads,
22:37all sort of silver color
22:38or whatever,
22:39but they were droning
22:40and the window was down
22:43because it was hot.
22:45And I heard the droning.
22:47They were droning
22:47like making a noise?
22:48There was sound
22:49coming out of them.
22:50It was communication
22:51through sound,
22:52not through words.
22:54And they were pointing at me.
22:58So the next part
22:59of this story
23:00is many years later,
23:02I didn't know
23:02what happened to this day.
23:03Was I?
23:04Was it a dream?
23:05Was that really happening?
23:06But then all of a sudden
23:07I just said,
23:07I got to get out of here,
23:08whatever.
23:09I got to get out of here.
23:09Boom!
23:10I came through this
23:10like felt like a force field.
23:12And I was just asking people,
23:15wonder what that was.
23:16I wonder if I really saw anything.
23:17In the 1980s,
23:19mid-80s,
23:19there was a book
23:20that came out
23:20that was writing
23:21about all these
23:22different sightings
23:23that different people
23:23had seen, right?
23:24And I thought,
23:25okay, I'll look.
23:26It's like extraterrestrial
23:27or whatever name
23:28the book was.
23:29And I read it
23:30and when I read into it,
23:31I read that these people
23:33that were abducted,
23:35they all were paralyzed.
23:36And they all had
23:38a high-pitched sound
23:39in their ear,
23:40this high-pitched frequency,
23:42but they were paralyzed.
23:43That's when I put the book down.
23:45I said,
23:46you know,
23:46this really did happen to me.
23:49So now the other thing is this,
23:50and I will share this with you
23:52because I've shared it
23:52one other time.
23:53But,
23:54so a very, very famous man,
23:56he's an astrophysicist.
23:58He's one of the fathers
23:59of the internet.
23:59He wrote a lot
24:00of the algorithms.
24:02I met him.
24:03Turns out,
24:04he's had been studying UFOs
24:06for many years
24:07working with the government.
24:08And he came to my house.
24:10He said,
24:10came to my house.
24:11He said,
24:11I'm spending the night.
24:12He was also coming down
24:13to San Diego.
24:14This is getting shaky.
24:15No, I know, I know,
24:16I know, I know.
24:17But it's not going there.
24:18Okay.
24:19I said,
24:19I told him everything I remember.
24:21It's a long time
24:21to remember this stuff.
24:23And I remember,
24:24he asked me,
24:25what were their mouths like?
24:25What was their mouth?
24:26Do their ears?
24:27Were their things?
24:27Just all these questions.
24:29And it almost took me back
24:30into some sort of thing.
24:31And I,
24:31I,
24:32I,
24:32I suddenly,
24:33he said,
24:33what were their fingers like?
24:35And I saw their fingers
24:36and I remember
24:37these long fingers.
24:38Oh my God,
24:39I'm going to get emotional
24:40right now.
24:40But I do get emotional
24:41when I say this.
24:43I said,
24:44oh my God,
24:45I forgot something.
24:46They touched my face.
24:48And what,
24:50I said,
24:51it was like the,
24:51it was the most benevolent touch
24:53I ever had.
24:54It was like the finger.
24:55I'm sorry to,
24:56because,
24:57you know,
24:57God,
24:57but what am I saying?
24:58The finger of God.
24:59And I got emotional
25:01because it was so beautiful.
25:04But I had not remembered
25:05any of that stuff.
25:06Is it possible
25:07that you and your family
25:09are aliens
25:10from another planet?
25:11Yes.
25:12I swear to God.
25:13I think that's
25:14to win all of our awards.
25:17I think that's so possible.
25:19I mean,
25:20I really wonder,
25:21somebody once read my cards
25:23and said,
25:23you know,
25:23you're from the Pleiades.
25:25I went,
25:25oh really?
25:26Is that outer space?
25:27They went,
25:28yes,
25:28that is.
25:30Pleiades,
25:31Pleiades,
25:32you name it.
25:32Well,
25:33what we're going to do,
25:34I'm going to take a break
25:35and then we'll repeat
25:35that story
25:36in its entirety.
25:37Okay?
25:38Wendy Hawn is here.
25:40Go, go, go, go.
25:46Hey,
25:47I got my shirt.
25:48Lower.
25:49Yeah.
25:51Hey, really.
25:53Oh.
25:54Oh.
25:55Oh, my God.
25:57Oh, my God.
25:58Oh, my God.
25:58Oh, my God.
25:59Oh, my God.
26:02Hi.
26:04Oh, my God.
26:05Oh, my God.
26:07Give me that applause.
26:08Oh, my God.
26:10Oh, my God.
26:11Hey, help.
26:12All right.
26:17That's Goldie Hawn
26:20in the Goldie Hawn special
26:22from 1978.
26:24You're a really good basketball player,
26:26it turns out.
26:26Well, so well,
26:27but it'll help.
26:27I mean, you beat five guys.
26:29Incredible.
26:30What I liked
26:31was that butt tushy bump.
26:33I mean, that was like,
26:34I forgot it was that,
26:36you know, intricate.
26:37We don't see stuff like that anymore.
26:40You know, it's a shame.
26:41Like, I love that.
26:42They're like, all right,
26:43who's popular?
26:43The Harlem Globetrotters.
26:45Let's get them
26:45in a sketch with Goldie.
26:46Exactly.
26:47That's George Slaughter
26:48who created Laugh-In and all of that.
26:50The great producer,
26:51George Slaughter, yeah.
26:54I do want to mention your book.
26:56This is called
26:57The After School Kindness Club.
26:59Crew, sorry.
27:00The After School Kindness Crew.
27:01That's what I do all the time.
27:03You say club?
27:04Yeah.
27:04Because I think of, yeah,
27:05like chess club and-
27:06Yeah, exactly.
27:07But I think-
27:08Get beat up in the parking lot club
27:10in a school.
27:12And you've written this
27:13with Lynn Oliver
27:14who works with Henry Winkler
27:15sometimes as well.
27:16I know, yeah, a lot.
27:17She's great.
27:18And this is something
27:18that I've spoken to you
27:20a lot about
27:20because you do a lot
27:22of charitable work
27:23with kids
27:24and their mental health
27:26and their brains.
27:27You really are,
27:28like, you want children
27:29to learn about their brains.
27:30That's right.
27:31That's right.
27:32I did that 23 years ago,
27:34if you can believe it.
27:35That's how long-
27:36You started it 23 years ago.
27:36I started it.
27:37I dreamed it.
27:38I said,
27:38why aren't children
27:39learning about their brain?
27:40I made this happen.
27:41I put the people together.
27:43It's like I produced a movie.
27:44You know, same thing.
27:45Like, you know,
27:46except the script.
27:46I had to get the writers
27:47and all that.
27:49Similar thing.
27:49And part of it
27:50is some kind of meditation
27:51that is tailored
27:52specifically to young kids, right?
27:54It's a brain break.
27:55But it's actually-
27:56A brain break is for everyone.
27:58Oh, for everyone.
27:59Yes.
27:59How long is a brain break?
28:00A brain break is anywhere
28:01from three minutes
28:02sitting in a car
28:03before you go see your kids
28:05after you've been working all day
28:06to pull yourself together
28:07and quiet your mind.
28:09These are really important things
28:11to do to turn on
28:11your executive function.
28:13So that's what the children
28:14are learning.
28:15And, honey, 23 years-
28:17Can I show you one
28:18of the photographs here?
28:19Or drawings here?
28:20This is Mrs. Gold.
28:23Is that-
28:23Is she modeled after you?
28:25Well, I don't know.
28:27You don't know.
28:27I mean, they did say gold,
28:29so it is kind of a clue.
28:31Well, she is a really cool character.
28:35Because that's where you go-
28:37The kids go to get creative
28:39and to get calm.
28:40And they learn how to do
28:41a brain break in this.
28:42And this is one of four books
28:44that are coming out.
28:45Four books?
28:45There's four books.
28:46And this book is to-
28:48And the reason I love this book
28:50is because I remember my childhood.
28:52And it was so much fun.
28:54There were no tablets.
28:55There was nothing there.
28:57I'd sit on the curb.
28:58I'd say to my girlfriend,
28:59what do you want to do now?
29:01She'd say, I don't know.
29:01What do you want to do?
29:02And I think, why don't we get rocks
29:05and crack them open
29:06and see what's inside?
29:09We had-
29:10Where we understood
29:11that we got in trouble.
29:13We had the kids together.
29:14We didn't have anybody
29:16looking at us, following us.
29:18You know, we were alive
29:20and figuring out having the best day.
29:23And I will never forget it.
29:25And kids aren't doing that today.
29:27And this shows how kids can be together,
29:30relating together,
29:31solving problems together,
29:33which, by the way,
29:33is how you create more grit
29:35and, you know, critical thinking
29:36in your prefrontal cortex.
29:38And they learn how to calm themselves down
29:40when they feel anxious.
29:41And this is-
29:42This book is not a teaching book.
29:44It's full experiences.
29:45But if we could remember
29:48how free we were
29:49when we were in our backyards
29:51and playing and, oh,
29:53I made the best mud pie
29:54you could possibly imagine.
29:57And so that's-
29:59That's this book.
30:00Boy, I wanted that alien
30:02when it touched your head.
30:04It really gave you some wisdom there.
30:06I thought about that.
30:07When you got face fingered
30:08by that alien.
30:10So much came out of it.
30:12This is the book,
30:13The After School Kindness Crew,
30:15Pooch on the Loose
30:16by Goldie Hawn and Lynn Oliver.
30:18It comes out May 5th.
30:19You can pre-order it now.
30:20The great Goldie Hawn, everybody.
30:22Thank you, Goldie.
30:23And we're back with The Gun Boys.
30:30Tomorrow on Jimmy Kimmel Live,
30:33Meryl Streep and Desi Leiden.
30:35Join us next week with guests
30:37Steve Carell, Jelly Roll,
30:39and John Mulaney.
30:41Plus music from Social Distortion
30:43and Avent Paddy.
30:47Hi there, welcome back.
30:48Music from Duran Duran
30:49with Niall Rogers is on the way.
30:51Our next guest star as brothers
30:53whose lives are thrown into turmoil
30:55when their father dies
30:56and leaves them
30:56his convenience store criminal empire.
30:59You know, we lost two dealers
31:00to the Favros.
31:01Mm-mm-mm.
31:02And Resident needs his down payment
31:03soon for the golf course.
31:05Oh, Jesus.
31:06Well, I have something
31:07that'll cheer you up.
31:08Look at this.
31:08Jimmy M***ing Chibble.
31:11So, his real name is Raj,
31:13but the internet has been calling him
31:14the F-me felon
31:16based on this attractive mugshot.
31:18Now, this is how the legal system
31:20works in America.
31:21You're innocent until proven ugly.
31:24That's me.
31:25TVQ of Deli Boys premieres
31:27May 28th on Hulu.
31:28Please welcome Asif Ali
31:30and Sarger Sheikh.
31:53What's up?
31:54Thanks for having me on your show.
31:56You know, we're glad to have you.
31:57We're glad to have you back.
31:59I had you on my show.
32:00You put me on your show.
32:01I don't get that courtesy
32:02extended to me very often.
32:04We really like you.
32:06Thank you, Ari.
32:06And I like you guys, too.
32:07From the moment I met you,
32:08I feel like we hit it off
32:09like instantly when we met you.
32:11It's true, it's true.
32:11And the last time I saw you,
32:12do you remember what the last time was?
32:14Yeah, don't...
32:15You're going to remind me.
32:16You know?
32:16You guys were contestants
32:17on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire,
32:19which I host,
32:20and you were doing,
32:22as I recall, very well.
32:24We were kind of killing it
32:25for a while.
32:26You were.
32:26You made a mistake, though,
32:28that contestants make
32:29from time to time.
32:31You were hoarding your lifelines.
32:33I think you were up
32:34to $125,000.
32:35Yeah, and we really thought
32:36like the plan was
32:37we're going to get to a place
32:38and then we're going to rip
32:40with the lifelines
32:41and then become millionaires.
32:42We really thought
32:43we were doing something.
32:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:45You saved three
32:46out of your four lifelines.
32:47You remember the question
32:48that you asked?
32:49I have it here on the phone.
32:50I just remember the answer
32:50because I see a Telluride
32:51on the road all the time
32:52and it pisses me off.
32:54The answer was Kia Telluride.
32:55It was a complicated question.
32:57It was mixed geography
32:58and automotive details,
33:01but your family,
33:03who was your lifeline for that?
33:04It was Hasselman Hodge.
33:06Oh, Hasselman Hodge.
33:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:08And do you think
33:08he would have known
33:09the answer to the question?
33:10At the time,
33:11I was thinking no,
33:12but now I'm like,
33:14why?
33:14He knows so many things.
33:15Why wouldn't he know the answer?
33:17My dad was like,
33:18why didn't you call me?
33:20Did you think your dad
33:21really knew the answer?
33:22Because everybody claims
33:23they know the answer
33:24after they've been told the answer.
33:26Is your family reaping the benefits
33:28of your success, your television?
33:30We've been so busy
33:31working on the show.
33:32I have a brother
33:33that looks just like me
33:34and he's a pharmacist.
33:35And so he will constantly
33:37send me videos and photos
33:39of fans because they'll go in
33:40and be like,
33:41I just need to get
33:41my prescription filled.
33:42And then they look up
33:43and they go,
33:45why is a guy from Deli Boys
33:47working at this pharmacy?
33:49And he goes,
33:50hey, man, Hollywood's hard.
33:51I told him to say that.
33:55Hollywood's hard.
33:56Sonny, you are now
33:57teaching as well, right?
33:59Yeah, that's right.
34:00Where do you teach?
34:01At the University of Texas
34:02in San Antonio.
34:03How did that come to pass?
34:04We were promoting the show
34:06at South by Southwest last year
34:08and I ran into this kid
34:10who had a fancy camera
34:12and I told him to take
34:12a picture of us
34:13in front of our truck,
34:15our activation.
34:16I was never going to ask
34:17him for the photo.
34:18I just wanted him to have it,
34:19you know?
34:19Yeah.
34:20And he said
34:21he works for the Paisano
34:22and I was like,
34:23that's our UTSA,
34:24you know,
34:26like newspaper.
34:27He's like,
34:27yeah, I go to UTSA.
34:28I'm a film major there.
34:30I was like,
34:31UTSA has a film department?
34:32That didn't exist
34:33when I went to school there.
34:34He's like,
34:34yeah, you know,
34:35I'm really excited to be there.
34:36It's new.
34:37It's two years old.
34:38And I told him,
34:39I was like,
34:39if you want,
34:41I'll come to a panel
34:41at UTSA.
34:44And he asked his professors
34:45and they emailed me.
34:46There was like seven professors
34:48like emailing me at once.
34:50They set up the panel.
34:51I did a Q&A.
34:52He was a moderator.
34:53The kid was.
34:54And at the end of it,
34:55I joked.
34:55I was like,
34:55if you guys want me
34:56to come back next semester
34:57to teach,
34:57let me know.
34:58And they did.
35:00Wow.
35:01Is that fun for you?
35:03Yeah, it's great.
35:04You know,
35:04it's a nice little bit
35:07I'm doing.
35:08Yeah, yeah, right.
35:09Yeah.
35:09Do you work hard on it
35:10and trying to...
35:11I actually really do.
35:12Yeah.
35:12It's way harder
35:13than I thought
35:14it was going to be.
35:16And some of the kids
35:17are amazing.
35:20Some of them
35:21really piss me off.
35:22Oh, they do?
35:23Really?
35:23You know,
35:24those are the ones
35:24that I really care about.
35:25Oh, interesting.
35:26I really want them
35:27to do well, you know,
35:28because like,
35:28this industry is really hard
35:30and who gets to have
35:32like a working actor
35:33as their professor?
35:34Nobody.
35:35During class five,
35:36I asked,
35:36I was like,
35:37who here has seen
35:38Deli Boys?
35:38And I heard like a,
35:40whoo!
35:42And I was like,
35:43wait a second.
35:44Raise your hand
35:45if you haven't seen
35:45Deli Boys.
35:46And I have 25 students
35:47and I swear,
35:48there was about 20 of them
35:49that raised their hand.
35:50And I was like,
35:51you know what, guys?
35:52The rest of the class,
35:53we're not doing anything.
35:54I found my laptop.
35:56I took it out.
35:57I logged into Hulu
35:57for the first time
35:58on my laptop.
36:00I didn't remember
36:01my password.
36:02So I had to try
36:03a couple of times.
36:04I had to hit,
36:04you know,
36:05forgot my password.
36:05And then I finally
36:06got it on
36:07and I cast it
36:08on the screen
36:09and I made them
36:09watch the pilot
36:10right in front of me.
36:11And then did they
36:12on their own
36:13go and watch
36:14the rest of the show?
36:15I made it
36:15an assignment.
36:17Mark.
36:18Because I can do that.
36:20Oh, sure.
36:22You know,
36:23if you could take
36:23on more students,
36:24you could have
36:24the number one show
36:25in the world.
36:26You're right.
36:27You're right.
36:28I made it an assignment.
36:29I'm doing a Deli Boys quiz
36:31at the end of the semester.
36:32Very good.
36:32I don't blame you.
36:33So it's an extra credit,
36:34you know?
36:34Now, is the show
36:36picking up
36:37where last season
36:38left off?
36:39Yes.
36:40Yes.
36:40And it's even crazier.
36:42You know,
36:43we have all these
36:43amazing guest stars
36:44and we...
36:45Yeah, who are the guest stars?
36:46Besides, well,
36:47obviously,
36:48you've got a real big one.
36:48Our number one guest star
36:49is right here.
36:50Yeah.
36:50Man.
36:51Yeah.
36:52Big guest.
36:55We got Tan France back.
36:57We got Andrew Rannells.
36:59We got Lily Singh
37:01and we got Kumail Nanjiani.
37:03Great.
37:03Fred Armisen.
37:04Armisen, of course.
37:05Oh, man.
37:06The best.
37:06Yeah.
37:07Robin.
37:08Yeah, Robin Bede.
37:08Robin Bede.
37:10It's that.
37:11It's fun.
37:11Is everybody fitting in?
37:13Everybody's behaving themselves?
37:14Yeah.
37:15They did good.
37:16They did good.
37:16Yeah.
37:16Getting along with Fred
37:17and Kumail?
37:19Love Fred.
37:20Yeah.
37:20Love Fred.
37:20Love Kumail.
37:22Unless it's ping pong.
37:23Unless it's ping pong.
37:24Me and Kumail
37:24got a little bit
37:25of a ping pong beef
37:26going on.
37:27Oh, do you?
37:27Yeah.
37:28And you know what, Kumail?
37:29I challenge you, man.
37:30Who's better at ping pong,
37:31you or Kumail?
37:32Oh, not even close.
37:34It's me.
37:35I mean, it's pretty close.
37:36It's pretty close.
37:37I'm not going to lie.
37:38He's good.
37:38He's good.
37:39He's good.
37:40Is Fred Armisen
37:41invited to play ping pong?
37:42He can watch.
37:43Oh, yeah.
37:46All right.
37:47Well, it's great
37:47to see you guys.
37:48I'm glad everything is here.
37:49I mean, you got another season.
37:50Yeah.
37:50You're teaching.
37:52We're so stoked.
37:52Your brother sells drugs.
37:53It's incredible.
37:54And we're really hoping,
37:55we're really hoping
37:56to get a season three.
37:58And Jimmy,
37:58I really wanted you
37:59to say something
38:00that Anne Hathaway
38:00said on TV the other day.
38:02She said,
38:02inshallah.
38:03And I want you to say
38:04that, you know,
38:05we get a season three.
38:07Inshallah.
38:08Come on.
38:08Inshallah.
38:13And I'll see you again soon.
38:15Inshallah.
38:16In season two
38:17of Deli Boys
38:18premieres May 28th
38:19on Hulu.
38:20We'll be back
38:21with Duran Duran
38:22and Niall Rogers.
38:28Thanks to Goldie Hawn
38:30and the Deli Boys.
38:31Apologies to Matt Damon.
38:32Nightline is next for first
38:33with the TV debut
38:34of their new song
38:36Free to Love.
38:37With help from
38:37Niall Rogers,
38:38Duran Duran.
38:50Free to Love.
39:00We're at the intersection
39:04Potential in all directions
39:08Ready for a connection
39:12Maybe I'm skin to skin
39:16That thought is so delicious
39:20The thought of my situation
39:24Who tempt us superstitions
39:28To bring this black hat in
39:32Free to love
39:33Free to win or lose
39:36Free to love
39:37What you want to do
39:40Free to love
39:41Free to see it through
39:44Out there and free to love
39:48Out there and free to love
39:54Until this moment only
39:57One of the time
39:59One of the lost and lonely
40:01Now you ride a hot star pony
40:05Across the galaxy
40:08We're under the sea
40:09We're under the sea
40:12We're under no illusion
40:13We're chasing the dream
40:15And all the confusion
40:18There's no substitution
40:21To be the best that we can be
40:25Free to love
40:26Free to win or lose
40:29Free to love
40:30Do what you want to do
40:33Free to love
40:34Free to see it through
40:37Out there and free to love
40:49Out there and free to love
40:59Out there and free to love
41:01Out there and free to love
41:03Out there and free to love
41:04Out there and free to love
41:04Out there and free to love
41:04Out there and free to love
41:04Out there and free to love
41:05Out there and free to love
41:06Out there and free to love
41:08Out there and free to love
41:09Out there and free to love
41:11I've been free to love
41:17To love
41:20To love
41:27I've been free to love
41:30To love
41:36To love
41:39To love
41:42Be free
41:47To love
41:48To love
41:49To love
41:51To love
41:57To love
41:58To love
41:58To love
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