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Ghosts US S05E07-9 [Full Movie] [English Subs]Full EP - Full
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00:02¡Gracias!
00:30I'm starting to worry that Joan's not coming back, that maybe she doesn't like me anymore.
00:35Uh, is that crazy?
00:37No!
00:38He's obsessed with you.
00:39Great, so should I go back out there and wait, or?
00:42Absolutely!
00:43Okay.
00:44Although, maybe you should try waiting at the bench at the back of the house.
00:47If memory serves, I believe last time she arrived from the south.
00:49Yeah, good call.
00:50Okay.
00:51Thanks, guys.
00:52Poor schmuck.
00:53Somebody should really say something.
00:54Oh man, last night was rough.
00:56Well, the dishwasher broke at my age and then Sass came into my dreams to whine about Joan again.
01:01Sass isn't here.
01:02Oh boy.
01:03Sorry for bending your ear, Jay.
01:04Oh, also, Natalie Portman was in his dream last night.
01:06Again.
01:07You know, Sass, now that Jay has so callously brought it up, it does seem like Joan might not be
01:11coming back.
01:12Yes, it's obvious. I'm sorry. I know that's difficult to hear.
01:15You guys are right. I'm such an idiot. Why is love so hard?
01:18Guess who's getting married?
01:20Oh my god, Eric proposed?
01:21No, but he's going to imminently.
01:23Get this, he called me, asked me if my nails were done.
01:24Ann said he's coming to visit tomorrow, and last week he asked me for my ring size.
01:28I'm so happy for you.
01:29Oh, let me also note that there are no employee or family discounts for weddings at the mansion.
01:33Jay.
01:33Jayla, I'm so excited for you.
01:34It is kind of a bummer. I know what's coming, though.
01:36I guess I just always imagined that my proposal would be a surprise.
01:38Well, your proposals don't always go the way you expect them to go.
01:41When I proposed to Sam, it was a bit of a mess, but ultimately it didn't matter because it's not
01:45about the proposal.
01:46Uh-huh.
01:47Oof, that hotel's a center.
01:49So, have you given any thought to a maid of honor?
01:51You know what's crazy? I've never even been one.
01:53Seriously, Sam? So thirsty.
01:55Yeah, I don't actually know if we're going to do wedding parties.
01:57Incredible! That question was so uncomfortable, it caused Bailey to abandon wedding parties completely.
02:01Oh, I would be so born to be a ghost in the house of a socially adept living.
02:04We are lucky.
02:06Life's hard in the basement, Peter.
02:07Those freaks sleep standing up.
02:09Well, no one's forcing you to live down there.
02:11I have to establish residency.
02:12I lost the upstairs primary.
02:14Now my only chance of winning the ghost representative election lies in my securing the nomination of the basement ghost.
02:18How do you sleep standing up?
02:20I don't. I haven't.
02:21And the only thing worse than the nights are the days.
02:24With the wall-to-wall water heater talk.
02:25You heard that gurgle?
02:26Oh, that's a pretty good gurgle.
02:29Isaac, why are you doing this to yourself?
02:30Even if you win, the position doesn't even mean that much.
02:32It means everything, Peter.
02:33I'm an elected official who's never won an election.
02:36Okay, maybe you can get Sam to move a cot down there for you.
02:38No, no, no, no.
02:39If I'm to win their vote, I need to show that I'm one of them.
02:42A man of the people.
02:43You see, Peter.
02:48Isaac.
02:50Isaac.
02:50Yes, gurgles. Heard the gurgles.
02:53And the order for the new dishwasher has been placed, which is the least exciting thing I've ever spent money
02:58on.
02:58My dishwasher slept with my husband. Quit your complaining.
03:01I'm such an idiot.
03:02What happened?
03:03Eric's not coming. There's no engagement. I got completely sassapist.
03:07What was that? Sassapist?
03:08Some people are using it as a sort of catch-hole for experiencing profound romantic disappointment.
03:12What's going on?
03:13Eric just called and said he's canceling his trip. He said he had an architecture emergency.
03:17This term made the leap to the livings?
03:19When something's catchy, bro, you should be flattered.
03:21And get this. The reason he asked my ring size is because he's getting us his and hers bowling bowls.
03:26Well, you know. Oh no, Jay's terrible at Silver Linens.
03:28It's almost the weekend.
03:29That ain't even connected. What is wrong with him?
03:31I can't believe I thought he was gonna propose. I just paid a woman $100 to put snail mucus all
03:34over my face.
03:36Snail mucus, Jay!
03:37In my day, we powdered our faces with lead and arsenic. We didn't know. We didn't care. We looked incredible.
03:42I'm gonna go watch some bowling tutorials. Cause that's my life now.
03:45Just a sad bowling lady with great skin and a well-fit ball.
03:48TGIF!
03:49Just stop.
03:50She's gonna be so surprised.
03:51Wait, what are you talking about?
03:52Eric didn't cancel. He just pretended to cancel so he could surprise her.
03:55I called him and gave him the idea.
03:56Babe, I don't think this is something you should be getting involved in.
03:58Oh, come on. I just want Bela to love her proposal. It's something that only happens once. It's a big
04:02deal.
04:02Does this have something to do with our proposal?
04:04No.
04:05That's a yes.
04:05Okay, first of all, obviously I wasn't planning on doing it on the tarmac at JFK after a baby puked
04:09in your lap.
04:10What the hell?
04:10I was gonna do it in the Bahamas, but then I pulled out a napkin from my pocket and also
04:14accidentally the ring and then you saw the ring.
04:17And then you said a bunch of swear words and you said, I guess you know I want to marry
04:19you.
04:20And I love that that's our story, Jade. I really do.
04:22But we have a chance to give Bela one that makes her really happy. So why not try?
04:27Okay. You know what I had planned was pretty cool, by the way. Mark, the contractor, he proposed in a
04:31Rite Aid.
04:32So now he's just listing worse proposals. This is not where you want to be, bro.
04:44Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
04:54Well, well, well. A gal goes out for an evening cheese sniff and what does she find? A stinker.
05:00I can explain.
05:00Oh, you're not one of us. You're a lay down cushion boy and you're never gonna be our ghost representative.
05:05No! I'm a man of the people.
05:06Oh, you're a man of the couch.
05:08Oh, Nancy, wait. I was just resting my eyes. I loathe being prone. Nancy!
05:22Oh, it's so beautiful! And it fits! The bowling ball fits!
05:28Hey there, Bela. Um, I'm Sass.
05:30Sass? What are you doing here?
05:32I can go into people's dreams. It's not a big deal. But it is a dear one power. Anyway, I
05:35just came to check on you.
05:37I heard about the whole engagement disappointment.
05:39That's really nice of you.
05:40Look, I get it. I've been going through kind of a tough time myself.
05:47Tomorrow is gonna be so fun. I can't wait to see the look on Bela's face.
05:50Yeah, I just, I hated seeing her so upset.
05:52Jay, it's one night. Then she'll have the rest of her life to be happy.
05:55Nothing bad is gonna happen because of one night of disappointment. I mean, maybe he'll never propose.
05:59Well, he'd be an idiot. Because you're awesome.
06:01Oh, you're awesome.
06:05I'm so lonely.
06:06Me too.
06:11Good morning, babe. Anybody get engaged yet?
06:14All Eric would say on the phone is that it's definitely happening today and it's gonna be incredible.
06:17Hey, uh, Sam, can I talk to you?
06:18Absolutely. Sass isn't here.
06:19Um, okay, don't really know how to say it, so I'm just gonna come out with it.
06:22I hooked up with Jay's sister.
06:25What? How?
06:26What's happening?
06:26In her dream. I went in there to commiserate and, you know, one thing led to another.
06:30Sass and Bela hooked up in her dream.
06:31Oh, God! That crazy bitch did it. She finally hooked up with the ghost.
06:34This is bad. This is very bad.
06:36Well, hold on. Nothing really happened. It was just a dream.
06:39Interesting.
06:40Okay, I want to go on this journey with you because it makes my sister less crazy.
06:43And mitigates his Natalie Portman problem.
06:44But I also have to point out that none of this would have happened if you hadn't meddled in her
06:47engagement.
06:48What's he talking about? What engagement?
06:49Bela said that Eric's not proposing.
06:50Bela was mistaken because our friend Sam engineered a delay in the proposal for the purpose of setting up a
06:54surprise.
06:55Oh, my God. I'm a homewrecker.
06:56Conversion to homewrecker in a matter of months. What a journey.
06:59I'm sorry, Jay. And Sass.
07:00But I do believe we have a bit of a loophole. Some moral wiggle room, if you will, with the
07:04whole hooking up with a ghost in a dream thing.
07:06Okay.
07:06I can't believe I wasn't the first ghost to hook up with a living. It was my destiny.
07:09But what if Bela feels guilty and tells Eric? That'll blow up the whole proposal.
07:13So let's get ahead of it. We'll talk with Bela and reassure her that she's done nothing wrong.
07:16Wrong? No. Weird. Yes.
07:18And then everything will be back on track, and Bela and Eric will be engaged, and I'll be the maid
07:21of honor, and I'll push for a fall wedding because I'm in Autumn.
07:25Her eyes went black when she said that. It was terrifying.
07:28All right, Isaac. We discussed your situation and came to a decision.
07:31There was a large contingent that wanted to kick you out of the basement.
07:33But we think you deserve a chance to prove yourself.
07:36Of course. Anything. Name it.
07:37Okay. If you want to stay in the basement, then you've got to participate in one of our most cherished
07:41rituals.
07:42Fight club.
07:43Fight club? You don't know about fight club? It's the best.
07:46I'm sorry you've been, Peter? Yeah. I never miss it.
07:51Finish him!
07:56God, I love Bloodsport.
07:58So, are you in?
08:00I... Yeah, sure. I am in. I will watch fight club and cheer with great fervor.
08:04Oh, you're not watching, buddy. You're fighting.
08:07What?
08:08Mmm, so this is a new dishwasher.
08:10Yeah, apparently it has Wi-Fi.
08:12Ah. I don't know.
08:13Uh, Bela. We wanted to talk with you about something. We know about what happened with you and Sass.
08:20And we don't think you should feel bad about it.
08:21But it's fine to feel bad that the hookup was with your backup ghost.
08:23I actually don't feel that bad. I mean, the way Eric canceled on me yesterday, he clearly doesn't care.
08:27Yeah, about that. Eric didn't actually cancel on you. He just pretended to cancel.
08:31Why would he do that?
08:31Because Sam is a psychopath.
08:33Because he wanted to surprise you.
08:34I can't believe this. So I cheated on Eric? With my backup ghost?
08:38Booyah. Suck it, Sass.
08:39Here's the thing. We think what happened between you and Sass falls in this dreamy, ghosty, gray area.
08:45So wait, Eric's still coming to propose?
08:47Yes.
08:47And you don't think I need to tell Eric about this whole hooking up with Sass thing?
08:50Ah, we just feel like it's gonna hurt him.
08:51It does. It hurts.
08:53Eric?
08:54I'm in the box.
08:59Surprise.
09:00Wait, where's the dishwasher?
09:02Oh, uh, I installed it for you.
09:03Oh, dammit, he's a good guy.
09:05I just got an email from the dishwasher. Said it's starting the rinse cycle.
09:09Yeah.
09:11Programmed it.
09:14I can't believe you hooked up with a ghost and I prefer to ask you to marry me.
09:17Past tense. Not looking good, Samantha.
09:19I was upset.
09:20I was expecting a proposal and then it seemed like you weren't coming.
09:23Eric, please, I don't even care about Sass.
09:25I felt like we shared something, but I understand you're making a point.
09:27Babe, the dishwasher's asking if we have any rinse aid.
09:29I'm sorry, Bela, but your attraction to ghosts is really triggering for me.
09:31I need some space to think.
09:37Hmm, so what am I telling the dishwasher?
09:40It's the night we've all been waiting for!
09:44It's Fight Club!
09:46In this corner it's Isaac!
09:50Boo!
09:51We love the boos because they fuel your inner rage demon.
09:53You don't have one.
09:54And in this corner it's the Jerome!
10:01I thought he was a support column.
10:03Help!
10:06Yeah, I can't do this. I can't do it.
10:08What? I can't do it!
10:08Isaac! Isaac! Isaac! Isaac!
10:10What?
10:10You're always telling stories about how you surrendered in this battle with that battle, huh?
10:13But if these people are gonna follow you, then you need to be a leader.
10:15And I know there's a leader in you.
10:16You've got this.
10:18Thank you, Peter.
10:19I guess it's true what they say, huh?
10:20The bigger they are, the harder they fall!
10:27It's so much better as a spectator!
10:35There we go, Mr. Tree.
10:37And we'll give you a happy little friend there.
10:39That's nice. That's very nice.
10:41I love what you're doing there.
10:43Well, great. It's Sass.
10:44But you know what?
10:45Now these are all sad little trees.
10:47I don't know what that means.
10:48But what do you want, Sass? You're interrupting my Bob Ross dream.
10:50I want you to forgive Bela.
10:51Okay, so she had a meaningless hookup in a dream.
10:53Is that really so threatening?
10:54Very much so.
10:54Some women are into pool boys and personal trainers.
10:56Well, mine's got it bad for ghosts.
10:58Eric, don't throw away something just because of a misunderstanding.
11:01Okay, you can still save this.
11:02Why do you care so much?
11:04Because I'm in love with this Roamer ghost named Joan, and all I want to do is tell her how
11:07I feel.
11:07But I can't because I'm stuck here.
11:10I'm sorry, man. That's tough.
11:11It is.
11:12But you can go for what you want.
11:13And that is such a gift.
11:14So if you want to marry Bela, go for it.
11:17Oh, honey. It's beautiful.
11:19You show real promise.
11:20Oh, this is my mom.
11:21Mom, this is a ghost who hooked up with my girlfriend.
11:23Nice to meet you.
11:24Pleasure.
11:26How are you feeling?
11:27Humiliated.
11:28Defeated.
11:29Embarrassed.
11:29A failed politician that rejected a group so reviled.
11:33They were locked away and left to die.
11:35That's us.
11:36Little tip.
11:37If a man's opening a door for you but holding a hammer and shouting,
11:40get in the pest house, that is not chivalry.
11:42What are you doing here, Nancy?
11:43Look, Isaac, obviously you didn't win.
11:45But you showed guts.
11:46Literally.
11:47At one point you ripped out your spleen and held it up like a trophy.
11:49That was so cool.
11:50The trunk's a showman, yeah?
11:52Did you just come here to glory in my defeat?
11:54I came up here to tell you, you earned my respect.
11:56You earned everyone's respect in the basement.
11:58I did?
11:58Sure, the trunk wiped the floor with you, but you took them on.
12:01And you never gave up.
12:02Which is what being a basement ghost is all about.
12:05How so?
12:05I don't know, man.
12:06Do you want to keep living down there or not?
12:09I do.
12:09Well then, enough laying around on this poofy princess pad.
12:12Let's get down to the basement.
12:13Your public awaits!
12:14Did you hear that, Peter?
12:16I have a public.
12:17I'm happy for you.
12:19So, what did I miss today?
12:21Ooh, there was a big gurgle earlier.
12:22We think it may have been Sam shaving her legs in the shower.
12:25About time, right?
12:26Yeah.
12:26Winter months are lean, gurgle-wise.
12:29Bela?
12:30What are you doing here so early?
12:32I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd just start work.
12:34Diving into labor to avoid emotional pain.
12:36This is why our best workers were orphans.
12:37I'm so sorry, Bela.
12:38I just can't believe I have to start all over again.
12:40Even if I met someone tomorrow, then what?
12:42It's a year before we move in together, and then another year before we get engaged,
12:45then we have to plan the wedding, and then it's like three more years before we have kids.
12:48I just don't want to be back at the starting line.
12:51I hear you.
12:52But in all that, I didn't hear you mention Eric's name once.
12:54What do you mean?
12:55I get that it's scary to start over.
12:57But if avoiding that is the reason you want to marry Eric, maybe you're settling.
13:01Maybe.
13:01What's that in dispute?
13:02What if I was settling?
13:04Is that so bad?
13:04Yes, it is, Bela.
13:05Because you're the best, and you deserve the best.
13:08Oh, Jay.
13:11It's too bad these two are siblings.
13:12If they were cousins, I'd really be rid of one.
13:14I guess I have to officially break up with Eric.
13:16Well, that's not going to be a fun conversation.
13:18I'm here again.
13:19Oh, hell no!
13:20Yes, again?
13:25I'm not produce.
13:26I'm so sorry, Eric.
13:27Eric, what do we do?
13:29Did we just stay in here?
13:30Are your parents here?
13:31Yeah, I flew them out for the proposal.
13:35Surprise.
13:35Hey, guys.
13:36Good to see you out and about, Steve.
13:38So, sweetie, what do you want me to do about the hot air balloon?
13:40We should probably let the company know.
13:42Oof.
13:42I've seen bodies get cut to tiny pieces and dumped in the East River.
13:45This is more painful to watch.
13:50Jay.
13:50What is all this?
13:51It's a do-over.
13:53We're in the Bahamas, and we're drinking this.
13:56Okay.
13:57I miss drinking.
13:58Right.
13:58A cocktail and some of my roommate's ADHD pills.
14:01Pretty nice little Tuesday.
14:02Okay.
14:03I think this is going to take too long.
14:04Um, we finish it, and there's a ring at the bottom.
14:07And you're like, oh my god.
14:09What should be like that, or what should be passed out on the floor?
14:11Okay.
14:12So, I had to dig deep into my old Yahoo account to find my original proposal.
14:16Come on, buddy.
14:16We're rooting for you.
14:17We may not have found a Charmander in Pokemon Go, but I found something even better in real life.
14:23A Sam-mander.
14:25And unlike Tom Brady's football in the AFC Championship game, my love for you will never deflate.
14:31Okay.
14:31I forgot how reference-y this was.
14:32Let me just skip to the end.
14:34I love you, Sam.
14:36I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
14:39Will you marry me?
14:41Yes.
14:42And this is the proposal that I had always dreamed of.
14:45But what really matters is I get to spend my life with the most wonderful man in the world.
14:52Jay!
14:52You got fireworks?
14:54Yep.
14:55They were Eric's, but we forgot to cancel them.
14:57Anything for you, babe.
15:04I didn't want to have to be this way.
15:07But it's either you, or me.
15:09No!
15:09Don't do it!
15:15I'm sorry, but this town ain't big enough for the both of us.
15:20What's going on?
15:21Sam's getting an update on the sales of our book.
15:23Well, her book.
15:24Since the news is bad.
15:25So what does that mean, Sharon?
15:26Well, it means we won't do a second printing unless things pick up significantly.
15:30But I have a thought to drum up some publicity.
15:31Here comes the playboy ask.
15:33I think you just do it.
15:34Honestly, while they're still asking.
15:35You did a podcast with Todd Perlman, right?
15:37No, but I did once to acid with a Todd Rundgren.
15:39I'm sorry, do you think you were on this soon?
15:41She's talking about creepy Todd.
15:42Uh, yeah.
15:43The Alberta Haynes murder pod.
15:44It was number 93 on Spotify on jazz-related murder pods.
15:47Not to brag.
15:47Was that bragging?
15:48Well, as you're probably aware, Todd has become a huge deal in the podcast space,
15:51and if you were able to book an appearance on the Todd Pod, it could be a game changer.
15:54Dear God.
15:55The thing is, the last time I saw him, we didn't exactly leave off on a great note.
15:58Sam Codblock, I'm on Todd trying to put movies on Alberta's Descendant.
16:01The last author he had on the Todd Pod tripled her book sales in one month.
16:04Interesting.
16:05Let's huddle on our end, and we'll circle back.
16:06But, like, what if he won't put me on the pod, Sharon?
16:09Well, then I think perhaps we've reached the end of the line for your book.
16:11Okay, I'll let you know what he says.
16:13Thanks for hopping on.
16:13We appreciate your time, and we look forward to next steps.
16:21What the hell happened to Todd?
16:22His skin glowed like belly of trout.
16:24Oh, I'll tell you what happened to this man.
16:26Money.
16:26It is the great cure all.
16:27Todd, I just want to start by apologizing.
16:29I know we didn't leave things on the best of terms.
16:31Please.
16:31I didn't come all the way from Altoona to tell you that I was still mad.
16:34It's water under the bridge.
16:35In fact, you guys were right to call me out.
16:36I was becoming way too obsessed with Alberta.
16:38He's not the first, and he won't be the last.
16:40Currently afflicted.
16:41I was spiraling.
16:41Truth is, I hit a wall with my research.
16:43So strange.
16:44There's nothing in the historical record about Alberta.
16:46She had a lot of pain prior to 1923.
16:47I know from interviews a bit about her early years, but there's no paper trail.
16:51No record of her arriving in New York.
16:53I mean, she had to live and work in the city.
16:55What was she doing?
16:56Who was she with?
16:56Where did she go?
16:57Yeah, he seemed over you.
16:59But none of that matters now, because I've redirected that energy, and I put it all into
17:03the Todd Pod.
17:04Well, it's paying off for you.
17:05I mean, these guests are getting LeBron, Chalamet, that economist whose episode I also totally
17:10listened to.
17:10Enough with the chit-chat.
17:12Inquire if that's a hair transplant, and then get to the book.
17:14So, like I mentioned on the phone, I would love for you to consider having me on.
17:18How about we grab lunch?
17:19I need to know more about your process.
17:20Your inspiration.
17:22I mean, sure, there's a pod in you.
17:24But is there a Todd Pod in you?
17:26Maybe it's the girl dad in me talking, but I would not go to a second location alone
17:29with this man.
17:30Um, why don't we have lunch at Jay's restaurant?
17:32The food's amazing.
17:32And Jay will be nearby with access to a lot of knives.
17:37Alberta, you have a moment?
17:38Sure, we'll shake a door.
17:39Hell yeah, creepy Todd bring up that he unable to find information about you prior
17:42at a certain date.
17:44Well, that'd get Thor to remember something, because Thor brain...good.
17:48Okay.
17:49You once mentioned that Talbot, not your real name, was throwaway comet, but Thor can't
17:54help but think that maybe two facts related.
17:56So, what if they are?
17:57So tell Thor a secret.
17:59Why?
18:00Because Thor put together pieces, like Columbo or Steve from Blue's Goose.
18:04Why ain't I telling you nothing, Thor?
18:05Then Thor will just remind other ghosts in the house that our bloods are not your real name
18:08and how that line up with what Todd say.
18:11Don't you even think about getting everyone riled up.
18:12I don't want everyone hounding me.
18:14Well then, you know what you must do.
18:16Tell Thor everything.
18:18Okay, fine.
18:19The reason I changed my name is because I killed a man.
18:24And you're ashamed because it's just one person you killed?
18:28Just give it to yourself, okay?
18:29Okay, fine.
18:30You got it.
18:32Alice?
18:32Uh-uh-uh.
18:33I ain't telling you the real name.
18:33You get one secret.
18:34That's all you're getting.
18:35You have my word.
18:37Beth.
18:38Stop!
18:39Wow.
18:40You had Vince Vaughn on the Todd Pod?
18:41Great guy.
18:42I'm actually using his decorator at my house.
18:44Nice, you moved down to your mom's house.
18:45No, I bought the house from her.
18:47But now I live in my basement.
18:48Why won't this man live above ground?
18:50Jay, these samosas are incredible.
18:51Am I tasting a hint of macadamia?
18:54Actually, I fry them in macadamia and nut oil.
18:56What a palate, Todd.
18:57But let's talk colonial vampire.
18:59I am biased, but honestly, it was my favorite book of the year.
19:02Well, he's only read two.
19:03That and the unauthorized biography of Chewbacca.
19:05Difficult childhood, but Chewbacca command on top.
19:08So Sam, why was this the story you were dying to tell?
19:11Well, uh, I like historical fiction.
19:14The vampire thing was just sort of a gimmick to please the publisher.
19:16Oh, I was actually responding to the vampire stuff.
19:18That's not surprising for someone who lives in a cave.
19:20Smith, may I talk to you for a second?
19:21Excuse me, I'll be right back.
19:23Wait, wait, uh, um, speaking of books, have you read the new Chewbacca biography?
19:28Wookie of the Year?
19:29Yeah, I loved it.
19:30Hey, Ola, I'm gonna stand near you to talk to a ghost.
19:32No problem.
19:33Smith, what is going on over there?
19:34That man wants passion, he wants pizzazz.
19:36I know it's hard to wow in that outfit, but that is what the moment demands.
19:38Wait, is that Todd Perlman?
19:40Yeah.
19:40Ugh, that creep asked me out in college.
19:41Oh, right, you went to Penn State Altoona campus.
19:44It was a townie who lived with his mom.
19:45Well, now he's a wildly successful podcaster.
19:47His mom lives with him.
19:48Have you ever heard of the Todd Pod?
19:49That's him?
19:50He must be loaded.
19:51Is he single?
19:52Should have gone to medieval times if they want to have the chance.
19:54And that's why I named the restaurant after my father.
19:56Mahesh.
19:56That's incredible.
19:57Every step of the way, he fought you following your passion.
20:00But it was his risk-taking and moving here that inspired your own bold gamble.
20:03That is a great way of putting that.
20:05These two are really connecting.
20:06It's nice when men can talk about their feelings.
20:08Except for Gordon Lightfoot, who never shut up about them.
20:11Sorry about that.
20:12Ahem.
20:12Now where were we?
20:13Oh, that's right.
20:14A tale about bats and blood.
20:15Tea and taxation.
20:16Razzle.
20:17Let me stop you right there.
20:18I am going to do my next Todd Pod here.
20:20Yes!
20:21That's amazing.
20:22But not about you.
20:23Or your book.
20:23What?
20:24This next Todd Pod is going to dive deep.
20:26Into Jay.
20:28The razzle came too late.
20:29Too late!
20:34What the hell was that, Jay?
20:35I'm so sorry, Sam.
20:36There's no way I could have seen that coming.
20:38What's happening?
20:38Jay charmed the pants off of Creepy Todd, and now it's about he whom Todd wants to pod.
20:41There's a simple solution here, babe.
20:42I'm just going to tell him I don't want to do his podcast.
20:44He came here to feature you, and that's what's going to happen.
20:46There you go.
20:47Jay jumps on the grenades.
20:48Sam gets her pity pod.
20:49Everyone's happy.
20:50Well, I don't want a pity pod.
20:51Yes, we do.
20:52Need I remind you that without this podcast appearance, our book is finished.
20:55And with it, my story.
20:56And with that, any chance of an eventual garish Broadway musical based on my story.
21:00Sticks couldn't be high.
21:01You know who'd be really good for the musical version?
21:03Hugh Jackman?
21:04No.
21:04We're not subcusting it with movie stars.
21:06I have integrity.
21:06Now, let's suck up to that creepy Tonya Collector and secure that pity pod.
21:11Hello there, Pete.
21:12I brought out some interesting news that he just learned, but he promised Sobleta he not saved.
21:17Oh, okay.
21:17I respect that.
21:18On the other hand, the last promised Sobleta made it to Thor she'd break.
21:21I speak, of course, of the saga of the Revenge Bear.
21:25Sorry, is this going to take a while?
21:26Because the queen bee just left the colony and the worker bees are going nuts.
21:29Peter, your girlfriend, Alberta.
21:32His mother.
21:33Sort of.
21:34Of just one man.
21:35What?
21:35Also her real name, not Alberta.
21:37Or Alice.
21:38Or Beth.
21:38So don't bother trying to kiss those.
21:40I can't believe this.
21:41She told you this?
21:41Yeah.
21:42Then she told Thor not to tell anyone.
21:44But Thor have other plans.
21:46Revenge bear.
21:47Revenge.
21:51So this is where it happens.
21:53This is the genius's lair.
21:55That dude's going to bang this kitchen.
21:56Can I help you?
21:57Oh, hi.
21:58Todd Perlman.
21:59I'm going to be featuring Jay on an upcoming episode of my Todd Pod.
22:01No way, that's you?
22:02You had Colin Farrell on recently.
22:03Colin Farrell?
22:04I'd put that penguin on a leash.
22:06Todd!
22:06Hey, we need to talk.
22:07Oh, hi, Mark.
22:08Great news on the pod, Jay?
22:10Yeah, about that.
22:11While I am deeply flattered, I don't think I'm going to be able to do it.
22:13What?
22:13Seriously?
22:14Sounds like a huge opportunity.
22:15Oh, hey!
22:16I didn't know there'd be anyone in here.
22:18Wait a second.
22:19Todd?
22:19From Altoona?
22:20Bela Arendaker.
22:22That's my maiden name, which I still have.
22:24Single.
22:25Oh, she's good.
22:26Oh yeah, Bela's my sister, and she also works here.
22:28Anyway, I really appreciate the offer, but I think you should stick with the original plan
22:32to interview Sam.
22:33Okay, there was no promise to interview Sam.
22:36I came here with an open mind, but I wasn't moved.
22:38You moved, Nietzsche!
22:39He'll do the pod.
22:40What?
22:40What is there even to think about?
22:41This could be huge for the restaurant.
22:43And that's good for Sam, too.
22:44It's actually good for all of us.
22:45Oh, Mark is making some really strong points.
22:47I mean, yeah, I guess that's true.
22:48Great, then it's settled.
22:49Awesome.
22:50I'll have my guys come in and set up the equipment.
22:52Bela, it was nice to see you on this side of the horseshoe curve.
22:56Oh my god, Todd.
22:57That was a hilarious Altoona reference.
22:59You should be a stand-up comedian.
23:00The way she debases herself to land a rich husband.
23:03I respect the hell out of it.
23:05So, I had a sort of interesting conversation with Thor.
23:08I don't know how else to say this.
23:09He said that you killed a man?
23:12Damn it, though.
23:13Revenge, bear!
23:14Revenge!
23:14Ha!
23:15Penny, bitch!
23:16What's going on?
23:18I don't want to talk about this, Pete.
23:19Look, I know you lived a colorful life and that you hung around with some no-good nicks,
23:22but you're not a murderer.
23:24Are you?
23:25Pete, you're missing a lot of context.
23:26So then, share it.
23:27I don't want to.
23:28Can't we just move on?
23:29Alberta, look, my marriage was riddled with secrets.
23:34I was a cuckold, I was an unknowing front for the mob.
23:36I can't be in another relationship where someone's keeping secrets from me.
23:39If I tell you, it won't change the way you see me forever.
23:41I just want the truth.
23:43Fine.
23:44I'll tell you the story about how I became...
23:48Alberta Haynes.
23:49I'm a little nervous, but I love the dramatic pause.
23:52What's all this?
23:53Todd's guys set this stuff up to record the pod.
23:56Jay's talk with Todd must have worked.
23:57You know what?
23:57I'm coming around on Jackman.
23:58Great a showman?
23:59Maybe not, but he's solid and he puts butts in seats.
24:01Hey.
24:03Didn't love the sound of that hang.
24:04How'd it go with Todd?
24:05Well, I told him I didn't want to be on the show, but he wouldn't take no for an answer.
24:08Seriously, Jay?
24:09I was trapped.
24:10Mark was there and he insisted that I do it because of the publicity.
24:12I can't believe this.
24:13It's all slipping away.
24:14At this rate, we'll be lucky to get Kevin Clyde.
24:15Do you think I want to spend four hours recording with creepy Todd?
24:20He was sensually stroking my kitchen counter.
24:22It was unnerving.
24:23Ugh.
24:23Todd is the worst.
24:24I hate that we need this freak's help.
24:26Hello?
24:27Hey, Todd.
24:28I was just talking about my favorite kind of ice cream, which is vanilla.
24:31Okay, so this is why I wrote and she typed.
24:33Save it.
24:34I heard everything.
24:35Hot mic.
24:36Todd, we can explain.
24:37No need.
24:38You think I'm creepy.
24:39Obviously, the podcast is off.
24:40Furthermore, I will be instructing the Todd mob...
24:42That's what he calls his fans.
24:43...to take you down with an avalanche of one-star reviews.
24:46Oh, an avalanche once, but to snow.
24:48They'll destroy your book, your restaurant, your B&B, your hopes, your dreams, and your Uber rating.
24:52Todd, please, can we just talk?
24:54You had your chance to talk.
24:55On the pod.
24:56But now that chance is gone.
24:57And don't even think about using my code to get a discount on the mattress.
25:00He's gone full scorched earth.
25:01Does anyone want to sweat this out tuna-style pizza with me?
25:04Oh my god, Todd.
25:06I didn't even know you were here.
25:12Complete debasement to live in his basement.
25:15So good.
25:19Alright, here we go.
25:20Hold on to your arrow, Pete.
25:22As you know, I came to New York to pursue my dream of being a famous jazz singer.
25:25But I wasn't an overnight success.
25:27And I still had to pay the bills.
25:28So you cleaned houses?
25:30You waited tables?
25:31No, Pete.
25:32My real name is Esther Green.
25:34And I was...
25:36a ventriloquist.
25:37What?
25:38You have to understand.
25:39At that time, ventriloquism was all the rage.
25:41Every day, buses from all over the country arrived in New York full of people with a dummy and a
25:45dream.
25:46Did you have to book a second seat for the dummy or was it like a laugh child?
25:49Sorry.
25:49Travel Asia Brain, continue.
25:50So when singing wasn't panning out, I gave ventriloquism a shot.
25:53Turns out, I was a natural.
25:56Okay, Murray, if you're so smart, tell me what you see in the future.
26:01Well, in about 15 minutes, I see a bunch of people asking for a refund.
26:07Murray, you're terrible.
26:08Ah, says the woman with her hand up my tongue.
26:11But the more successful Esther Green and the magnificent Murray got, the further away I was from getting my dream.
26:16I tried to pivot, but the public doesn't like a pivot.
26:18Alright, I think it's time for Murray to have a time out.
26:21Okay, for something a little different, I, Esther Green, will be singing my rendition of A Good Man Is Hard
26:26To Find.
26:28My heart is sad, cause I'm all alone.
26:32I knew if I didn't do something drastic, I'd be known as one half of Esther and the magnificent Murray
26:36for the rest of my life.
26:37I never get to sing.
26:38I never get to live my dream.
26:40I knew I had to make a clean break.
26:42I didn't want to have to be this way, but it's either you or me.
26:46No!
26:47Don't do it!
26:48From that day on, I left Murray and Esther behind.
26:51I took on the name Alberta Haynes, and I never looked back.
26:54Alberta, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
26:56You threw away a successful career to go after what you really wanted.
26:58That takes guts.
26:59I appreciate that.
27:01But promise me you'll take this to your grave.
27:03Well, you know what I mean.
27:04I'm proud of Alberta Haynes, and I never want anything to jeopardize her legacy.
27:08Okay.
27:09I promise.
27:10So, last question on this.
27:12Um, are you open to any ventriloquist dummy role play?
27:14I don't think so.
27:16Cheerfully withdrawn.
27:17Todd, please, can we just discuss this?
27:19Why would you want to discuss anything with a creepy freak?
27:21I mean, if you don't want to be painted with that brush, maybe don't collect toenails.
27:23Todd, you thought those were insults?
27:25Creep and freak?
27:26No, those are just terms of endearment.
27:28Yeah, like, hey, let's eat brunch, you creepy freak.
27:30Yeah, yeah, meet you there at noon, you terrifying psycho.
27:32Just stop it.
27:32The podcast is off, and my followers are going to ruin all that you two hold sacred.
27:36What's going on here?
27:36They call Todd creepy and how he vowed to exert revenge.
27:39Todd, please, there has to be something we can do.
27:41There's nothing you two have that I want.
27:42Oh, Samantha and Jay, their business is ruined, their dreams shattered.
27:45Sam, tell him you know my real name.
27:47Are you sure?
27:48No, but if it will help, Samantha, I'll do it.
27:50Also sorted out by Isaac.
27:51Don't talk me out of it.
27:52I'm out of here.
27:53Todd, wait, I know Alberta's real name.
27:55What are you talking about?
27:56That's why he can't find any record of me before 1923.
27:58I'll change my name.
27:59The reason you can't find any record of her before 1923 is because she changed her name.
28:03Why?
28:03Why would she do such a thing?
28:04Oh, we will be happy to tell you.
28:05If you call off the Todd mob.
28:07And you do the podcast about Sam.
28:10No.
28:10About both of us.
28:11That's right.
28:12The couple that bribes together thrives together.
28:14No.
28:15After Jada and Will, I promised I would never do another couple's episode.
28:17Besides, I'm over Alberta.
28:19I'm no longer obsessed with learning every juicy detail of her fascinating life and legacy.
28:22Are you sure?
28:23Cause it's a doozy.
28:25I don't like how he's twitching like that.
28:27Okay, tell me!
28:28I gotta know!
28:28Oh, there's that creepy Alberta obsessive we all know and love.
28:32I'm a powerful drug.
28:34And that's how Esther Green became Alberta Haynes.
28:36But where's Alberta Haynes now?
28:37That's the real mystery.
28:39What a brave choice, my Alberta.
28:41Giving up the safety and stability of ventriloquism to test the unknown waters of jazz singing.
28:45See, I told you it was brave.
28:46Look, I found an old picture of Esther Green.
28:49Hey, that's Alberta!
28:50I know from the tattoo on Todd's back, which is not creepy.
28:52Wow!
28:53Incredible!
28:54Wait, Alberta, is that your current hat on the dummy?
28:56Yeah, I took it from Murray's splintered corpse after the attack.
28:59Even though I wanted to bury my past, I couldn't totally let go.
29:01The truth is, Murray will always be a part of me.
29:04That's really sweet, Alberta.
29:06So, wait here.
29:06Hat.
29:07Literal.
29:08Hat for dummy.
29:08Okay, Thor.
29:11This is best day of Thor Afterlife!
29:13Okay, get it after your sister.
29:14What dumber!
29:15The tiny dumb hat!
29:16Literal hat for dummy!
29:18Thank you, Alberta!
29:19It's an incredible gift!
29:24For absolutely one night only, I present Esther Green and her little pal, Pinecone Pete!
29:31Heh!
29:32Why do I get sick and Dilly?
29:33Ah!
29:33Cause you're the dummy, dummy!
29:34This is deeply weird.
29:36Wait, Pete's voice sound different.
29:37Yeah, that's cause Alberta's doing the voice.
29:39But her lips not moving.
29:41Looks like we got a second dummy here tonight!
29:42Watch your words, Pinecone Pete.
29:44Mip me!
29:45I will.
29:46Cut at me!
29:47I dare you!
29:48Alberta, what are you doing?
29:49AHHHHH!
29:49And now Thor is chopping Pete in half repeatedly.
29:52Ouch.
29:53Oh, that sounds like a tough watch.
29:55Not so funny now, Pinecone Pete!
29:57AHHHHH!
29:57STOP!
29:58IT'S NOT ME!
29:59Oh, what's going on?
30:01Sam and Jay are on high alert for another Christmas possession, so they're playing it safe
30:03and not going to hear any electronics this year.
30:05Which I'm trying not to take personally.
30:06I'm the reason your mother-in-law likes you now, you ingrate!
30:09So, you just want me to plug this Christmas village in?
30:11Uh-huh.
30:11That's right.
30:12Better safe than sorry.
30:13This puppy draws a lot of current.
30:14You know I'm gonna have to charge you my regular rate, plus the holiday surcharge.
30:16Yes, we are aware of that.
30:19Alberta, what are you doing?
30:20I'm getting behind Mark in case he gets shot, then throw a Mac.
30:22You're trying to possess him?
30:23But this is our first Christmas together as a couple.
30:25Oh, we'll be together.
30:25I'll just be a Mark.
30:27Man, it would be so cool to possess someone.
30:29I've had the munchies for like half a century.
30:31I'm a pacifist, but I'd murder somebody for a Pringle.
30:33Okay.
30:34There goes nothing.
30:38Huh?
30:39Damn it!
30:40Mama wanted a Sazerac.
30:41Okay, so I'll send you guys a bill.
30:42Merry Christmas, Mark.
30:43Look, Trevor, way in the back, the orthodontist has a little menorah in the window.
30:46I don't want to say that's an offensive stereotype, but he looks a lot like
30:49Dr. Rosenblatt.
30:50Is this dope?
30:51Seriously buying gifts on December 23rd that can be here by tomorrow?
30:54It's like this every year.
30:55When's he going to learn?
30:56Okay, you are not going to believe this.
30:58I just got off the phone with a publisher, and apparently a booker on All Day USA listened
31:02to my Todd Pod interview, and he wants to include my book in a segment on last-minute gift ideas.
31:06It's crazy how long some people wait.
31:08He didn't get you the Jenny Kane sweater because it was already sold out.
31:10Hope you enjoy your Best Buy gift card.
31:12Samantha, this is huge for our book.
31:13Me, a stocking stuffer.
31:15Huzzah!
31:15This is an incredible name.
31:16I'm so proud of you.
31:17And we hope she'll be able to witness the interview in person for it.
31:19She'll take place here in the mansion that I built.
31:21I mean, you didn't actually do any of the labor.
31:23I married the man that signed the checks that paid for the gruel that fueled those young
31:26child workers.
31:27Sort of a sad little nursery rhyme.
31:29I'm so nervous and so excited.
31:30I mean, national television.
31:32What am I going to wear?
31:33Maybe see what they have at the women's department at Best Buy.
31:38It's so cozy.
31:39Everyone has hot cocoa in Christmastown.
31:41Even that baby.
31:42That don't seem safe.
31:43We all have questions about gifts for flower.
31:47What the hell?
31:48Can I do that?
31:49Step back for a second, Thor.
31:50I want to see something.
31:52Okay, now come closer again.
31:55This is wild.
31:57Thor, your ghost power must be interacting with the electrical grid in Christmastown.
32:00Yes.
32:01Thor, your power surge in your body.
32:05Ow!
32:06Okay, let's get you away from this thing before you burn down the whole house.
32:08Yeah.
32:09Wait, were you asking something about a Christmas gift for flower?
32:12Yeah, I really want to wow her but not know what to get.
32:14Well, what are you going to ask to you?
32:15Coupons for intercourse and candles.
32:17So yeah, all set pretty high.
32:19Okay, has flower mentioned anything particular that she wants?
32:21Mmm, world peace and also food.
32:23She'll have to mention how she had munchies for many years.
32:26Unfortunately, there's no way to enjoy food or Sazerac short of possessing a living.
32:30Interesting.
32:31So you're saying Thor should help flower possess living for Christmas?
32:33I mean, if you could pull that off, that'd be a pretty amazing gift.
32:36Yes!
32:36Then it is decided.
32:37Thor will get flower and living for Christmas.
32:39And sex coupon because...traditional.
32:43Hello all!
32:44Hi!
32:45You have got to learn how to enter a room, woman.
32:47I see it's not just the downstairs.
32:49This room also reeks of Christmas.
32:51What are you so upset about?
32:52Uh, the tree, the decorations, the general merriment that is so clearly afoot.
32:57Wait, the merriment is afoot?
32:58Huh.
32:59So Stephen Stills had a merriment fetish.
33:01I'm confused.
33:02Don't Puritans love Christmas?
33:03Puritans love Christmas?
33:05Oh, I would laugh were that not the trick the devil uses to enter thine body.
33:08No, there is only one proper way to celebrate Christmas, which is not at all.
33:12You see, Puritans believed that to revel was a gateway to sin.
33:15Couple lap, it's time for another depressing history lesson.
33:17So, on Christmas there was no mirth in sight.
33:20Shops remained open, work continued unabated, and you would be fined if we're doing anything even close to celebrating.
33:26Ah, it was wonderful.
33:27Well, you've given us all a lot to think about.
33:29And then came the tinsel.
33:30Oh, it's still going.
33:31Fun.
33:33How are you feeling, babe?
33:34You ready?
33:35Today's a big day.
33:35I'm freaking out, Jay.
33:36You should be nervous.
33:37This interview is huge for both of us.
33:39National television.
33:40Thousands of people could be watching.
33:41It could be millions.
33:41My god.
33:42The fifteen colonies must be bursting at the seams.
33:45Hey, you got this, babe.
33:46You can put the toothbrush down.
33:47The mayor's car is clean.
33:49Why do you think he drives such a fancy car?
33:51You think he's taking bribes for permits?
33:52Peppermits?
33:54Is this helping, Sam?
33:55No.
33:55I'm sorry, Jay.
33:56I just really need to collect my thoughts.
33:57Alright.
33:58You're gonna do great, babe.
33:59You think?
34:00I know it.
34:02Oh!
34:03Peppermits!
34:03That's good.
34:04Yeah, I get it.
34:05Sam!
34:06You got a moment?
34:07She's kind of in a mood.
34:08I'm a little busy, Thor.
34:09Just need a little help with Flower Gift who wanted to ask your opinion.
34:12I'm sure whatever you have in mind is perfect.
34:13Okay, but Thor wants to tell you and then have extensive conversation where you tell Thor how you feel about
34:17the idea.
34:17You know what, Thor?
34:18Why don't you just let us all be surprised so we can experience the gift, whatever it is, along with
34:22Flower?
34:22Yes!
34:23Great idea, Isaac.
34:23Surprise Flower, surprise me, and have a Merry Christmas.
34:26Okay.
34:27And, uh...
34:28Flower!
34:28Come in here!
34:29Oh, it's happening right now.
34:30Hey, Flower. What's up?
34:31Stand there.
34:32Bye, Samantha.
34:33Okay.
34:35What's going on?
34:38Four?
34:39Merry Christmas, Flower!
34:42Oh, dear.
34:46Whoa.
34:47Am I wearing a bra?
34:49Hey, who shaped my pits, man?
34:53Okay.
34:54Something very weird is going on.
34:55Is it less pink in here?
34:57Does it smell less like patchouli?
34:58Flower, you are inside of Sam.
35:00This giant animal used his ghost power to channel electricity from the Christmas Village and hurl Sam's body through you,
35:05thus far away.
35:05It's resulting in yet another Christmas possession.
35:09Thor?
35:09You did that for me?
35:10Aw.
35:11No!
35:11Not aw!
35:12Samantha has a very important interview about her book and we need you out of her body post-haste.
35:15And so you were, uh, Thor not your body?
35:18Thor!
35:18What did you do?
35:20Samantha?
35:20Yeah, it's me.
35:21And you're in big trouble.
35:22But you tell Thor to surprise you.
35:23Yes, because I didn't think you meant this.
35:25Okay, so you were surprised.
35:26Sort of seemed like commission accomplished.
35:28Now that that misunderstanding is cleared up, we can take care of this.
35:31Right.
35:31Okay, Flower, I'm gonna drive you over the boundary and get you out of my body.
35:33Wait, Flower have munchies for many years.
35:35Please just let her eat one thing.
35:37Make Thor's Christmas gift complete.
35:40Fine.
35:40Flower, you can have one thing.
35:42But then I want my body back and I can't keep saying this every Christmas.
35:46Okay, Flower.
35:47It's your time to shine.
35:50Did it used to be more pink in here?
35:52Bah!
35:52Take a bite of cookie and satisfy munchies.
35:54Okay.
35:57Mmm!
35:58Wow!
35:58That is so good!
36:00What's going on?
36:01Flower possess Sam bought a very generous Christmas gift from four.
36:07Okay, Flower, you've had your fun, but it's time to go.
36:09How long has you been in there?
36:10Don't blow me, Nancy.
36:11What? That's not long enough.
36:12Samantha has a very important interview in an hour and she needs to focus.
36:15An hour? That's plenty of time.
36:16Flower, listen to me.
36:17Run to the light and shut the door behind you.
36:19No, no, there's not a time.
36:22Whoa.
36:23Hey, Nancy. How's it going?
36:24Please excuse my hairless pits.
36:26Okay, Nancy, you're not being helpful right now.
36:27I'm just looking after my girl.
36:29When you possessed that workman back in the 1800s, you were in that dude for days.
36:33I do.
36:34What side of a dude is none of your business.
36:35Everyone, stop!
36:36This is no problem.
36:38Flower can have a fun, then before interview, she leaves Sam's body.
36:40Right, Flower?
36:42Wait.
36:43Where'd she go?
36:44Flower's absconded with Sam's body.
36:45Hell yeah!
36:46Drive it like you stole it, Flower!
36:48Whoa!
36:49Whoa!
36:50You disgust me, fat man.
36:52Oh, hey, Patience.
36:53Oh, you left just in time.
36:55They're upstairs singing the 12 Days of Christmas.
36:56I had to get out of there.
36:57Trevor, also have disdain for the vile celebration of this holiday?
37:00I don't want to say anything in front of the others.
37:01I prefer to let you corner the wet blanket market.
37:03Oh, thank you.
37:04Just kind of my thing.
37:05But if I'm being honest, I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas either.
37:07Really?
37:08I was like the only Jewish kid in my town growing up.
37:09And so when the holidays rolled around, I was sort of a little like I didn't belong.
37:12And in elementary school, every Christmas pageant, they made me stand up alone and sing dreidel, dreidel, dreidel.
37:16Ugh, Patience understands.
37:18It's like that winter when I was spared from the great pox, but all of my siblings perished.
37:23Why not me?
37:25Yeah, um, not exactly the same?
37:29Thank you for talking with me, Trevor.
37:32Patience is...enjoying herself.
37:34Yeah, but not too much, right?
37:36Val gets it.
37:37So, yeah, Flower's running around in a brand new Sam suit.
37:40Oh, that lucky son of a bitch.
37:41Mark, that could have been us.
37:43Hi, Mark.
37:43Hey, David.
37:45Is that woodstone?
37:46That looks amazing.
37:47I hope Bill did.
37:48We've been working on it for the last few weeks.
37:49Mikey wants to be a contractor, so we started with the gingerbread house.
37:52What do we say after we're done?
37:53We'll send you an invoice.
37:54Oh, that is so cute.
37:56You're not really charging me, right?
37:57No, it's a gift.
37:57Merry Christmas.
37:59Hi.
38:00Gary from AlldayUSA.
38:01We're here to introduce Sam Arendaker.
38:02That's gonna be difficult.
38:03Great.
38:03Well, I'm Jay.
38:04Sam's husband.
38:05Uh, yeah, she was around here.
38:06Sam!
38:07Sam!
38:08I'll just go look for her.
38:09Follow the smell of burning bras!
38:11You'll find her!
38:13Amanda, you're an amazing person.
38:15And the love that you put out into the universe is gonna come back to you tenfold.
38:18Wow.
38:19Thank you.
38:20I had no idea you were so spiritual.
38:22Yeah.
38:22I once slept with a Dalai Lama's brother.
38:24What is happening right now?
38:25I'd say Samantha got into my laudanum, but I don't think it has that kind of shelf life.
38:29Oh.
38:29Hey, Gabe.
38:30How's it going, man?
38:31Good.
38:32Say, listen.
38:33Do you know anywhere that someone could score around here?
38:35Oh, I just cook.
38:36Oh, come on, Gabe.
38:37I'm cool.
38:37I heard pot's a lot stronger these days.
38:39I haven't smoked any since the sixties.
38:40How old are you?
38:42Oh, my God.
38:43Crazy bastard did it.
38:44Flower, is that you?
38:45Yeah, it's me.
38:45Hey, guys.
38:46What?
38:47Oh, sorry.
38:47I was just talking to my friend who used to be a virgin, but he's invisible to you.
38:51Okay.
38:51I want what you have.
38:52Why is the virgin thing, Jermaine?
38:53What is going on?
38:55The Lord wanted to help Flower possess someone for Christmas, and I guess he did.
38:58Oh.
38:58So, can you hook it up or not?
39:00Look, I have something, but it might be a little intense.
39:03Dude, I used to party with Bobby and Jerry.
39:05I hugged a bear after Woodstock and lived to talk about it.
39:07No?
39:08No, you didn't.
39:08The point is, I can handle it.
39:10Okay.
39:11It's called mistletoe.
39:13Whoa.
39:13You just put this under your tongue, and when you see God, tell him Gabe said,
39:16What's up?
39:17Flower, here comes Jay.
39:18Who?
39:19Um, God?
39:20Our Heavenly Father?
39:21There you are.
39:22We gotta get you back to the house, Sam.
39:23What are you doing back here?
39:24Oh, I was just getting drugs from Gabe.
39:26It's hilarious.
39:27Come on, let's go.
39:30We should probably go watch this.
39:31Oh, hell yeah.
39:32So then, I said to Goody Mather that I could finish the quilt by sunrise.
39:35Oh, my candle did burn low that night.
39:37I love it.
39:38You've got that grind mentality.
39:39You know it.
39:40I gotta say, patience.
39:41Even though this is not my favorite season, I'm having a pretty good time.
39:44I guess it's true what they say.
39:45Misery loves company.
39:46Oh, indeed.
39:47She also loved making little corn husk dolls and saying the Lord's Prayer.
39:50Misery was a woman of many hobbies.
39:52Ha, ha, ha.
39:53You're Mishigana.
39:53What's that?
39:54Oh, it's a Yiddish word.
39:56Yiddish is sort of like Hebrew.
39:57I've always had an interest in Hebrew.
39:59You know, the language he spoke.
40:01Well, I don't really know that much Hebrew.
40:03I can count to ten.
40:04Oh, I would very much like to hear that sometime.
40:07It's cool that you're so interested in Jewish stuff.
40:08I know a little about Puritan stuff.
40:10I went on a field trip to a colonial village in the fifth grade.
40:12My favorite part, the butter churning.
40:15But I can never quite get it.
40:17Oh, you're not going to get butter like that.
40:19No, it's less of a circular motion.
40:21More like this.
40:22One, two, three.
40:23It's important to keep a rhythm.
40:25One, two, three.
40:26Perhaps count with me in the language of your people.
40:29If that's what you want.
40:32Echad.
40:32Echad.
40:33Shalosh.
40:35Echad.
40:36Stein.
40:37Shalosh.
40:37I think this butter is firming.
40:39I heard it.
40:41You know, makeup is just a tool the patriarchy uses to keep women down, man.
40:45Are you okay, babe?
40:48Oh, wow.
40:49Your beard is so soft.
40:51Okay.
40:51Oh, very happy you like Christmas present, but time to let Sam do interview now, Flower.
40:55And she's asleep.
40:57Babe.
40:57Ready for you, Sam?
41:00Sam!
41:01You ready?
41:02Yeah, man.
41:03Groovy.
41:05This is going to be a train wreck.
41:07Here we are.
41:07Walter.
41:08This is Sam.
41:09Hey, Walter Storm.
41:09All day USA.
41:10Very nice to meet you.
41:11I have them set us up here in front of this gingerbread house.
41:13Pretty cool, huh?
41:14Cool.
41:15Okay.
41:16Babe.
41:17You got this.
41:18Someone get him out of the shot.
41:19Jay!
41:20Flower's inside me.
41:21Do something.
41:21Oh, hey, actually, can we just have five more minutes?
41:24Nope.
41:24We're live in five, four, three.
41:28And we're live here with author Samantha Arndegar to talk to her about her historical fiction book about vampires.
41:33Oh, no!
41:34Not vampires.
41:35They're scary.
41:38What kind of historical research did you do for the novel?
41:40Um, seven.
41:42What?
41:42Teen.
41:44Seventeen.
41:45I'm sorry?
41:46Tell him you unearthed previously undiscovered primary source documents.
41:50I found something in the Earth.
41:52Was that good?
41:54Uh, moving on to theme.
41:56What was it about vampires that, uh, piqued your interest?
41:58Whoa.
41:59Is that a giant cookie house?
42:04What is she doing to the gingerbread house?
42:05Uh, I don't know.
42:07Thor, the Jimmy tastes amazing!
42:09Okay, sweetie.
42:10I think that's enough.
42:10Hey, get to go to the cookie house, man!
42:14It's like watching Godzilla trample Candyland.
42:16Okay.
42:17The book is Isaac Higgins, The Colonial Vampire.
42:20Available online in a bookstore's mail.
42:21Pick up yours today.
42:23Impressive composure under difficult circumstances.
42:25He's a pro.
42:27You made out with patience?
42:28There was Hebrew and churning.
42:29Things got out of hands.
42:30We just couldn't stop ourselves.
42:31This is a wild turn of events.
42:33And now I'm freaking out because, you know, it's patience.
42:36Puritans don't do casual hookups.
42:37She probably thinks we're engaged now.
42:38Trevor, we need to speak.
42:40I wanted to talk about what happened earlier.
42:42About our sensual union.
42:45I should go.
42:46Please stay.
42:47I have prayed on it, and I have come to the conclusion that we cannot be together.
42:51Oh, I mean, oh, no, why not?
42:54I do not want to hurt you, but we come from two different worlds.
42:58I do not think it could ever work out.
42:59Oh, I was hoping for something serious, but if that's how you feel.
43:03I wish there was some other way, for I am sad as well.
43:07Goodbye, Trevor.
43:10No harm, no foul.
43:12Yeah, except you just got dumped by patience.
43:14Any chance that stays between us?
43:15Well, would it be embarrassing for you if it got out?
43:17A little.
43:18I know.
43:19Okay, Sam.
43:20I need flour.
43:20Here we go.
43:27Yay!
43:28They're back!
43:30I said I was sorry, Sam.
43:31I don't want to hear it, flour.
43:33And you!
43:33I can't believe you, Thor.
43:34That was not cool, big guy.
43:35Cool, very cool.
43:36Sorry, sorry, but maybe somehow this helped book sales.
43:39Maybe now some sort of hot to a girl books.
43:42You guys knew today was a big deal for me.
43:44Why didn't anyone do anything to help?
43:46Oh, but Samantha, what could we do?
43:47We're ghosts.
43:48You know we love you, Sam.
43:49We screwed up.
43:50But can't we just get to the part where you forgive us and we can all have a Merry Christmas?
43:52No.
43:53Not this time.
43:54Because that interview aired.
43:56And just like you guys, it'll be around forever.
43:57Don't know why we need to drag our immortality into this.
44:00Babe, let's just go to sleep and calm down and tomorrow's another day.
44:03Exactly.
44:04It's another day of living with this curse.
44:06Another chance for a ghost to ruin something that's important to me.
44:08God, I wish I had never gotten this power.
44:10I wish I had never been able to see ghosts.
44:16Did flour at least like Christmas gift?
44:18What'd you get me?
44:20You don't remember possessing Sam?
44:22What?
44:23No.
44:24Oh, but that would have been amazing.
44:25I have had the munchies for like 50 years.
44:37Jake?
44:41Hey guys.
44:43Oh.
44:44Okay.
44:45I see.
44:45Giving me the silent treatment.
44:49Don't mind Joel.
44:50We're not sitting there.
44:53What the hell?
44:56Oh.
44:57Oh.
44:57What the hell was that?
45:02Hello?
45:04Jay?
45:08Surprise!
45:09Carol!
45:10What are you doing here?
45:11You got sucked off.
45:12You're right.
45:13And I've been having a blast up there.
45:14I can't say too much, but they have pickleball.
45:17That's it.
45:17That's all I'll say.
45:18Carol, what is happening?
45:19I'm your little Christmas Carol.
45:20You see, around Christmas, we Carols are given special powers, including the ability
45:24to grant wishes.
45:25Oh, also, we can give out candy canes.
45:29I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding.
45:31I didn't make a wish.
45:32Oh yes, you did.
45:33You said, and I quote, I wish I had never been able to see ghosts.
45:38Okay, so why are you here?
45:40I'm here to show you what your life would be like if you'd never tripped on that base,
45:44if you had never fallen down the stairs, if you had never gained the ability to see ghosts.
45:48Wow.
45:49So let's get this started.
45:50Sam, you're coming with me.
45:53Well, I was supposed to whoosh us away, but it's my first time.
45:56Hey, I need to get some steps in anyway.
45:57Let's go.
45:59You know, Carol, I'm actually feeling a little silly about this whole wishing not to see ghosts thing.
46:02Holy crap, am I day drinking with Sasha and Libby?
46:05Sam, this eggnog is delicious.
46:07And these gingerbread men you made.
46:08So cute.
46:08Not to brag, but I think this one is flirting with me.
46:11Look at you.
46:12Just enjoying a little Christmas Eve tipple with two of your closest gal pals.
46:15But I don't get it.
46:15Sasha thinks I'm crazy.
46:16No, Sasha thought you were crazy because she called you performing a seance for the ghosts.
46:20And she thought you and Jay were murderers.
46:21But that was because of the ghosts.
46:22In this world, none of that happened.
46:24So she thinks I'm sane.
46:26Yep.
46:26And not just sane.
46:28Funny.
46:28Short, bald, and covered in crumbs.
46:30I'm sorry, is this a gingerbread man or the guy I dated before Jay?
46:34Sam, you are hilarious.
46:35Without the ghosts interrupting you all the time, you're actually a much better conversationalist.
46:39Man, I love to see these ladies in bikinis.
46:41How does this place not have a hot tub?
46:42Ugh, disgusting.
46:43Right?
46:44But you can't hear him, so you don't care.
46:45I hate to say it, but we've gotta run.
46:47Next time at my place?
46:48Uh, do you have mine?
46:49Of course.
46:50Then yeah, I think I'll be there.
46:54So, what am I doing now?
46:56Oh, just sitting there.
46:57Since you're not always taking care of the ghosts, you actually have time to yourself.
47:00Whoa.
47:01I can't remember the last time I just sat and read a book.
47:03And look at me, I don't even mind that Trevor's reading over my shoulder.
47:06I'm pretty sure he's trying to look down your dress, but hey, you don't know, so who cares?
47:09Stupid camisole, I'm getting nothing.
47:11So, if I have all this free time, I guess that means the B&B still isn't doing very well.
47:15Are you kidding?
47:16Without the ghosts to worry about, you've really been able to throw yourself into making
47:19this place a success.
47:20The B&B is thriving.
47:23Oh, come on.
47:25Whitstone B&B, how may I help you?
47:27Freddie!
47:27He used to work here, he was incredible, but he quit.
47:30He quit because of the ghosts, but now he's all in on Whitstone.
47:33I'm so sorry we don't have any availability until January 17th.
47:35Hold on, the B&B is sold out?
47:37Great, we'll see you then.
47:39Who keeps searching Girls Gone Wild on this thing?
47:41I should've gone to Arizona State.
47:43I'm home!
47:44Hey Freddie!
47:45Jay, I missed you!
47:46I missed you too!
47:48Uh-oh, mistletoe!
47:52She could do so much better.
47:53I gotta admit, this life looks pretty great.
47:55Trevor seems pretty much the same.
47:57How are the other ghosts doing?
47:58Well, why don't we find out?
48:00Huh?
48:00It's still not working.
48:01Looks like we're huffing it again.
48:03And that concludes my lecture on different kinds of knots.
48:05Tomorrow Thorfinn will be giving a talk on trout.
48:07We'll be similar to hang next, but more trout-focused.
48:09I'm in hell.
48:10Okay, so this all seems pretty standard.
48:12I guess the ghosts are just doing the same kind of stuff they did before I met them.
48:14So, Alberta, are you excited for our upcoming wedding?
48:17Aw, Alberta and Pete are getting married, that's sweet.
48:19Yeah, that may not get to sing, which would be a nice little treat for everybody.
48:21Although I may be a little surprised they're finally going through with it.
48:24Oh, so it's not Pete and Alberta.
48:26You know what? If they're happy, I'm happy.
48:27Well, one of them is definitely happy.
48:29Carol, who are they talking about?
48:30Hello all!
48:32Oh, we look forward to seeing you at our naturals this afternoon.
48:35Yeah?
48:35Huzzah!
48:36Isaac and Hetty?
48:37But that is impossible.
48:38And yet in this world, it's happening.
48:40Your wish.
48:41We just wanted to remind you that the ceremony is to begin promptly at 2 o'clock.
48:44Weather permitting, of course.
48:45The wedding is sent to us now?
48:46Right, right, right.
48:47There'll be a tornado.
48:48No, no.
48:49The only tornadoes should be tonight.
48:51In our marriage.
48:58Wait, wait, wait, wait, Carol!
48:59What is going on?
49:00Isaac can't marry Hetty?
49:00He's gay.
49:02Why did you whisper that?
49:03I don't know.
49:04It seemed like a weird thing to shout.
49:05Here's the thing.
49:06Isaac only came out because you were there to support him.
49:08Without you, he still hasn't figured out who he truly is.
49:11Oh, I guess I did have kind of a big effect on him.
49:13You've had a big effect on all of them.
49:15Without you, Alberta never found out who killed her.
49:17Though we're still having his night terrors, and Pete never learned he could leave the property.
49:20He never even tried?
49:21He was told he couldn't, and the man loves rules.
49:23He won a goldfish at the state fair once and reported it on our taxes.
49:27Let me guess.
49:28He also tried to report a free sample from the grocery store.
49:31It's actually the other Sam that's funny.
49:32Come on, have a watch, Shoga.
49:34Christmas is always one of the toughest times to be dead.
49:36Wondering about my family.
49:37Are they doing okay?
49:39Do they even think about me?
49:40They do.
49:40Your daughter, Laura, named her son after you.
49:42Pete doesn't know that.
49:44In this world, you never invited me here to dedicate that weird bench.
49:46Pete never watched Laura get married.
49:47He doesn't even know little Pete.
49:49We'll also miss his family.
49:51Leave behind young son.
49:53We'll never get to know what he likes, ma'am.
49:55No, Thor.
49:55Your son is like a hundred yards away.
49:57Tragic.
49:58I hope he grew up to be a great warrior.
50:00Kill many Danes.
50:02Never eat best friend.
50:03What?
50:03Nothing.
50:04Random example not taken from Thor's life.
50:06The nice thing about the holidays is that the girls on the dating apps are lonely as hell.
50:10I'm talking like six separate livings right now.
50:12One may fly in from Miami.
50:13Tell me about it.
50:13What do you hope happens when she gets here?
50:15I don't know.
50:15Maybe she'll choke on something and die.
50:17It happens.
50:17I get it.
50:18Sex with women, yeah.
50:19Nothing like it.
50:20Which I know because of it.
50:2143 times.
50:22Oh, that's right.
50:22Sasa's still hiding the fact that he's a virgin.
50:24This is painful.
50:25Has anyone found love?
50:26What about Thor and Flower?
50:27Not even close.
50:29Flower fell into the well two years ago.
50:30Flower's in the well?
50:31Well, she was until you filled it with cement.
50:33So now she's lost in the dirt.
50:34A fact she keeps forgetting and then quickly rediscovers in an endless cycle of horror.
50:38Okay, so is that it?
50:39Or do you have more bad news to show me?
50:41More bad news.
50:42The basement ghosts are really upset about your shiny new water heater.
50:46Wait.
50:47Everyone shut up.
50:48I think I heard a gurgle.
50:50Oh, there it is again.
50:52Sorry, that was my tummy.
50:53Oh, damn it, Stuart.
50:54You got our hopes up for nothing, you toad's ass.
50:57This newfangled water heater hasn't made a peep since that blonde witch put it in.
50:59God, I hate her.
51:01She's very rude.
51:02Last week I saw her drop a piece of pizza on the ground and pick it up and eat it.
51:05And it fell cheese side down.
51:08I think we can move on.
51:11What's going on here?
51:12Hedy, I need to talk to you about the wedding.
51:13Are you still waffling on a best man?
51:15I do agree, slim pickings, but Sasani's probably presents the most handsome stage picture.
51:20No, it's more than that.
51:22Oh my gosh, is he gonna tell her?
51:23Could you just watch?
51:24You'd be a very annoying person to go see a movie with.
51:26Maybe we push it.
51:27What?
51:27Why rush a wedding in the dead of winter when spring is just around the corner?
51:31We were supposed to get married in spring.
51:32Last spring.
51:33And you wanted to push till summer, citing the April racket of the birth.
51:36But then summer was too hot and then fall came around and you started whining about
51:38how it's the season when you're most sleepy.
51:40I've always been very sleepy in the fall, everyone knows that.
51:41Isaac, what's wrong?
51:43If there is something else going on, just tell me.
51:47Well, actually.
51:48Come on.
51:49Isaac, tell her.
51:50She's your dearest friend.
51:52You can trust her.
51:55Wedding prank.
51:55I'm sorry.
51:56What?
51:57You've been wedding pranked.
51:59Huzzah!
52:00Hello?
52:01Score one for Higgintude.
52:02You should've seen the look on your face.
52:03You were freaking out.
52:04Indeed!
52:05Oh, it's funny.
52:07I don't want to have this talking yet.
52:08Oh, sounds like the show's about to start.
52:09Come on.
52:09It's Christmas Eve.
52:10You can't go back into the city already.
52:11You just got home.
52:12I don't know what you want me to tell you.
52:13I have to work.
52:14These two back at it.
52:15Classic Santa Jay fight.
52:17It's like tips between Whoopi and Megan.
52:18But they can't get the commercial.
52:20We get to see everything.
52:21Wait, why is Jay working in the city?
52:22Jay never wanted to move out here, remember?
52:24He only stayed because of your accident.
52:26But in this world, you were just pulling him away from his cooking,
52:28and his friends, and his career.
52:30Didn't he open his own restaurant at the B&B?
52:32Without the ghosts, the idea from Haitian never came up.
52:34So Jay's resentment built until he finally took a job back in the city.
52:37Oh, Sam's mad.
52:38There goes the pain.
52:39Can't you just call in sick or something?
52:40I don't want to call in sick.
52:41I love my job.
52:42Yeah, but you're never here.
52:43I never wanted to be here.
52:45You dragged me here.
52:48Not nice to drag people places.
52:49Skin on back of headwear way quicker than you think.
52:52This one time.
52:53I don't want to hear with the wall.
52:54We seemed so happy together this morning.
52:56A performance for your assistant, Freddy.
52:58He's seen so many of your fights,
52:59so now you guys overcompensate in front of him.
53:01Okay, let's give this one more shot.
53:04Isaac Higgintoot and Henrietta Woodstone.
53:06Holy crap, it worked.
53:08Oh, it's the wedding.
53:10Fun.
53:11My sincere hope is that the two of you enjoy a marriage as loving and as loyal as what I
53:15had with Carol.
53:15Whoopsie.
53:16Now if anyone here sees any reason why these two should not wed,
53:19then now would be a great time to pipe up.
53:21Nothing?
53:22Really?
53:24Captain Higgintoot.
53:25Lieutenant Colonel Chasm.
53:26You've come.
53:27Yes.
53:27I know we've had our differences, but I couldn't let you get married without saying.
53:32Come on, Nigel.
53:33You've got this.
53:34Congratulations.
53:36Okay.
53:38Well, I guess there's nothing left to do.
53:39Except continue.
53:42Unless...
53:42Anyone?
53:44Look at me.
53:45I'm 15 feet away from this train wreck and there's nothing I can do.
53:48Why do I look so happy?
53:49Jay and I just had a huge fight.
53:50Well, you're not going to want to hear this one, but with you and Jay growing apart,
53:53you started an emotional affair with someone you met online.
53:56What?
53:57Who?
53:59No.
54:00No, no, no.
54:05No!
54:06Okay, I'll call you when I get to the city.
54:08No.
54:08Jay, don't go.
54:09Okay.
54:09Hedy, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
54:13I do.
54:13You've got to stop this.
54:14None of this is right.
54:15I'm sorry, Sam, it's too late.
54:16What do you mean?
54:17Isaac, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
54:19You made a wish and I was sent you to grant it.
54:21I do.
54:22But this isn't what I want.
54:24Hedy, I'm Isaac.
54:25I now pronounce you husband and wife.
54:26Isaac, you may kiss the bride.
54:31That's it.
54:32The tour's over.
54:33This is now your life.
54:34Merry Christmas, Sam.
54:39No!
54:41Oh, great.
54:41That's not a joke.
54:43I mean...
54:43I love ya.
54:44Oh.
54:46Harold?
54:47Harold!
54:48Come back!
54:48What's wrong with Sam?
54:49I want things to go back to the way they were.
54:51I want Pete and Alberta to be dating again.
54:53Me and Pete?
54:53How does she know our names?
54:55Sass shouldn't be hiding the fact that he's a virgin.
54:57A virgin?
54:57Okay, I told you that's all my SassFed customers.
54:59And I want to live in a world where Isaac is proud to be gay.
55:02Gay?
55:02A red-blooded billy goat like me?
55:04Ha ha ha.
55:05You just...
55:06Most of all, I want Jay back.
55:08I don't care if things aren't perfect or if our life is complicated sometimes.
55:12I just want to face it all with him.
55:14I wish things could go back to how they were.
55:17I wish I could see ghosts again.
55:21That's my girl.
55:22Welcome back, Fiona.
55:28I can see you.
55:29Eddie, can you hear me?
55:30Alberta, can you see me?
55:32What's with Sam?
55:32She sounds like Yendl.
55:33Oh, thank God.
55:34I made a terrible wish that I couldn't see ghosts.
55:36And then Carol granted it.
55:37My Carol?
55:38Yes, but she was Christmas Carol.
55:40And everything was messed up.
55:41You were there, Isaac, but you were marrying Hedy.
55:43And you were there, Thor, but you didn't know your son.
55:46Was I there?
55:46I don't really remember.
55:48The point is, I regret what he said.
55:49I'm sorry.
55:50I'm so happy I could see you guys.
55:52I was just upset.
55:53Hey, uh, I was just talking to that guy, and I'm a...
55:57Whoa.
55:57What was that for?
55:58For everything.
55:59I love you, Jay.
56:03Whoa.
56:03I think I fell asleep for a few minutes, but then the smooching woke me up.
56:07Hey, man.
56:07It's Flower.
56:08What?
56:09What's happening?
56:11Jay, it's me.
56:13Flower possessed me.
56:14Thor did it as a gift to her.
56:15Next year, we'll only give sex coupon.
56:17It's enough.
56:17What?
56:18Okay, well, we gotta get Flower out of you before this interview.
56:20What interview?
56:20I thought I blew the interview.
56:22What are you talking about?
56:23The interview hasn't happened yet.
56:24You were just getting your makeup done.
56:25There she is.
56:26It's showtime.
56:28Hey, man.
56:29Aren't you that guy from TV?
56:31You know, I was on TV once.
56:32I flashed the second basement at a San Francisco Giants game.
56:35Cool.
56:35Maybe we don't mention stuff like that on the air.
56:37Huh?
56:38This way, please.
56:39Flower?
56:40Sam?
56:41Okay, he's right over here.
56:42Cool.
56:43Guys, you know what?
56:44Actually, I think Sam needs to go outside for just a minute.
56:47Sorry, we're about to go live.
56:48We need to buy Sam some time to regain control and get to the boundary.
56:50I got this.
56:55Uh, Walter, just a minute.
56:56I'm picking up a weird room tone.
56:57Guys, can we fix this?
56:58Now?
56:59Tiny camera.
57:00Feel Odin's run!
57:02Oh, we lost picture.
57:04Unbelievable.
57:04Alright, we need a battery to change our camera one.
57:06This is incredible teamwork.
57:07And if it were Sam Patrick's Day, I'd be jumping in with a contribution of my own.
57:13Whoa, what the?
57:14Hey, hold the world.
57:15Let's get this cleaned up.
57:15Alright, we're taking a Type 2 and we're going live.
57:17Take control, Sam.
57:18This is your moment.
57:20And back.
57:21No, go!
57:22Get to the boundary!
57:24Run!
57:24Look, there's a sale at Old Navy!
57:33Man, the Pringles were good.
57:35Sorry about all that possession stuff, Sam.
57:37All good!
57:38She's back!
57:39Alright, then we're good to go.
57:40Camera's ready?
57:42You good, babe?
57:43We're live in three.
57:46That's right, Jill.
57:47I'm here in New York's Hudson Valley with the author of Isaac Higgintooth, Colonial Vampire.
57:51Hey, Sam.
57:51Thanks for being here.
57:52Thank you so much for having me.
57:54And so this is a book where you can have a laugh, maybe a cry, and hopefully learn something
57:57about the origins of our nation.
57:59Well, I certainly enjoyed when George Washington turned into a bad.
58:02Did that really happen?
58:03I'm kidding, of course.
58:04Well, anyhow, thanks, Sam.
58:05Jill, back to you.
58:07Oh, you crushed it, Sam!
58:08And if I had money and the ability to turn pages, I would buy your book for sure.
58:11Babe, you were amazing.
58:13Thanks, Jay.
58:13I couldn't have done it without you.
58:15Without any of you.
58:16I just feel so lucky to have all of you in my life.
58:18Even Thor?
58:19Yes, Thor.
58:20Even you.
58:21And not to relate to Gabe, but you did sort of say to surprise you.
58:25Believe it that.
58:26I know the possession wasn't ideal, but it was a really groovy gift.
58:29I mean, I got to take drugs for the first time in 60 years.
58:31I'm sorry, what do you mean you took drugs?
58:33The mistletoe.
58:33The drug I got from Gabe.
58:34I took it, well, we took it, on my way back from the restaurant.
58:37Wow, look at that.
58:38You were high as a kite.
58:40I suppose that explains this whole visit from Carol nonsense.
58:43I guess it does.
58:44Okay, I can't help it.
58:45I gotta watch it again.
58:46I'm so proud of you, babe.
58:51Trevor, help me out with the scratch and sniff Sam got me for Christmas.
58:56Come on.
59:00Wow.
59:01A piece of paper with cartoon eyes and a pepperoni bow tie.
59:03That's pretty good.
59:04Greetings.
59:05Every time.
59:06Patience.
59:07What's up?
59:08I come with good news.
59:10Your disappointment at our parting gave me pause.
59:12What?
59:12What are you saying?
59:13I'm saying that I now believe that we should be together.
59:17Yeah, but different worlds.
59:20Oh.
59:21Sometimes that first thought is the best thought.
59:23Oh, but that can be remedied.
59:24I have met your friends and you can meet my people.
59:26Where's this going?
59:27Trevor Lefkowitz.
59:28Fellow of the Overground.
59:29Son of Abraham.
59:30Holder of my heart.
59:31Allow me to introduce you to the others.
59:37Oh, holy night.
59:38Is this a Economist?
59:38Oh.
59:39Oh.
59:39Oh.
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