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00:00:11You
00:00:37After the three of us finished filming in Zimbabwe,
00:00:42we thought we'd never work together ever again.
00:00:46But because Amazon's lawyers are better than our lawyers,
00:00:50here we are!
00:00:53We are literally propelled onto your screen by small print,
00:00:57which I didn't read.
00:00:58I couldn't read the small print. I can't read anything.
00:01:01Exactly. Anyway, listen, here's the deal.
00:01:05Amazon's lawyers have told us that we must come together once more
00:01:10and reminisce about all of our exploits and adventures on the Grand Tour.
00:01:17But there is a bit of a problem with that,
00:01:19because my colleague here, my former colleague,
00:01:21well, my current... my colleague again, let's say, Mr Hammond,
00:01:24has no memory at all.
00:01:27None.
00:01:27Or have you?
00:01:29I can't remember.
00:01:30I don't remember anything.
00:01:32I know we worked together.
00:01:34Yes, we did.
00:01:35But I have no recollection of doing genuinely nothing.
00:01:39Do you remember which one you were?
00:01:41Which supermarket we worked in? I don't know.
00:01:43Anyway, we're all here together now in an old people's home.
00:01:46We're going to reminisce, and you're going to try and keep up.
00:01:49Can you remember, for example, going to Morocco?
00:01:53Uh, drove down a ski slope in Jaguars?
00:01:58No, that wasn't Morocco.
00:01:59You were in an MX-5.
00:02:01In Morocco?
00:02:02Yes, and I was in that thing that went... that company that went bust.
00:02:06And the orange one.
00:02:07Yeah.
00:02:07Anyway, yes, there was that.
00:02:08So, in an MX-5 in Morocco?
00:02:10You're getting muddled up.
00:02:11We were in Colorado.
00:02:13Telluride.
00:02:15In an MX-5?
00:02:16No, that's the Jaguars going down the ski slopes.
00:02:18In Morocco?
00:02:19No, in Colorado.
00:02:22Go back to the beginning, the very beginning.
00:02:25Can you remember driving through a desert, and we all had Mustangs, slightly different Mustangs, all specials?
00:02:33We got to an enormous event.
00:02:34There was a band on the stage.
00:02:35Yes, exactly.
00:02:36Hothouse Flowers.
00:02:37Yes.
00:02:37I can see clearly now the rain has gone
00:02:45I can see all obstacles in my way
00:02:51Gone off the dark clouds that had me blind
00:02:57It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:03:05Think I can make it, now the pain is gone
00:03:12All of the bad feelings have disappeared
00:03:18Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
00:03:23It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:03:28Oh, it's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:03:42I can see clearly now the rain has gone
00:03:48It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:03:55Oh, it's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:04:00Take it away
00:04:07guitar solo
00:04:19guitar solo
00:04:48guitar solo
00:05:19guitar solo
00:05:27guitar solo
00:05:35guitar solo
00:05:38guitar solo
00:05:43guitar solo
00:05:49Hello, everybody!
00:05:53Oh, hello.
00:05:56Mate! Mate! Thank God you're here!
00:06:00What's the matter with him?
00:06:02Well, for the first time in my life, I'm rather glad you're here
00:06:06because he thinks he's discovered an ancient civilization
00:06:09and he got very excited and I couldn't say, no, Hammond, it's not real.
00:06:13It's a film set.
00:06:15That is where they filmed Astrid Snoblix
00:06:17and that is where they filmed Game of Thrones.
00:06:29I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what this place has never been used at.
00:06:32What?
00:06:33A racetrack.
00:06:36Right, are we ready, James May?
00:06:38In three, two, one, begin!
00:06:49Oh, where's the bend?
00:06:52Oh, where's the bend?
00:06:56Oh, balls.
00:06:57Do you know what worries me, most of all, is the poor little man who's mortgaged his house to start
00:07:02Xenos.
00:07:03And that he's lent it to us on the television all over the world.
00:07:06And which one's driving it?
00:07:08Oh, no.
00:07:12Heading for Nazareth, I think.
00:07:19Whoa!
00:07:21All over the place.
00:07:29Round and round the thingy.
00:07:32Round and round the thingy.
00:07:38Fast, faster, faster.
00:07:51Well, this only goes up to 999 hours, sadly.
00:07:56Right.
00:07:56But it's okay, you were just in that time.
00:07:59Awesome.
00:07:59James, did you manage to drive whilst dragging your face along the ground?
00:08:04A lot of dust comes in.
00:08:05Why don't you wind the windows up?
00:08:08You're funny men.
00:08:12In three, two, one, go!
00:08:21Let's make this count.
00:08:38Sideways in linen.
00:08:48Sideways in linen.
00:08:53Open the throne, sir.
00:09:03Understeering.
00:09:05Turn, turn!
00:09:09Come on, let's get that turbocharger singing.
00:09:13Pin it now.
00:09:26Well, he arrived.
00:09:27Ready? Yes.
00:09:29In three, two, one, go.
00:09:34Right, this is it.
00:09:53Can't afford a single error.
00:10:10Oh, this is a hot map.
00:10:22Here he comes.
00:10:25Oh.
00:10:40Don't look over that edge.
00:10:42But there's a bit of lead that gets really steep.
00:10:46People do this for fun, yeah?
00:10:47Not in old jags.
00:10:48Oh, yeah, you're right.
00:10:53We set off gingerly.
00:10:59Just an ordinary drive.
00:11:01Just an ordinary drive.
00:11:04Oh.
00:11:12It's in case I need to bail out.
00:11:16Steering wheel's working a bit.
00:11:23Oh, God.
00:11:24What you'll be wary of is losing the back of the car.
00:11:29Oh, Christ.
00:11:31Practice braking, practice braking.
00:11:34Nothing.
00:11:37I'm just going to write a book while we don't stop.
00:11:40Yeah, here we are, still not stopping.
00:11:42Picking up speed.
00:11:43Oh, my God.
00:11:45Can't no control now.
00:11:50Oh, my giddy heart.
00:11:52This is quick now.
00:11:59I'm going to change up again.
00:12:00That was a mistake.
00:12:02That was a massive mistake.
00:12:07Just going a straight line, you bastard.
00:12:13Let's turn, turn, turn, turn, turn.
00:12:18But none of us died, and then jack skiing started to come together.
00:12:34Oh, yes.
00:12:35This is...
00:12:35I'm slalom skiing now, is what I'm doing.
00:12:37And I'm doing it well.
00:12:42Yeah-ha-ha!
00:12:47Eventually, we started on the final leg down into the town, and Richard and I got into a bit of
00:12:53a race.
00:12:55Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:12:57Give me a little bit more go.
00:12:58Come on, come on.
00:13:01Whoa!
00:13:02That was a biggie.
00:13:03Meanwhile, a little further back...
00:13:08Oh, no.
00:13:09I've got a brake warning light on.
00:13:11I don't know what that means.
00:13:12Padware, system failure, God knows.
00:13:18there's the town they're coming in hot and stylishly and we wouldn't have to walk to the
00:13:26hotel in silly boots we'd simply drive there oh hello oh there's been an accident
00:13:48ah damn right only we no look we meant to park them there they look good
00:13:59oh no well just keep working brakes for another 10 seconds or so exactly where we wanted them to be
00:14:08and that's where they are and that's good uh anyway the thing is that we got here well there
00:14:15without a single problem and with a very definite conclusion by an xjr whoa no hang on the whole
00:14:23point of this exercise was to demonstrate jaguar's reliability as a make yes but we have and we've
00:14:28lost it oh
00:14:35that opening in the desert we set a very high bar with that didn't we yep so high we never
00:14:41got
00:14:41we never got near it again if we're honest no we didn't we really didn't no it is amazing though
00:14:49when we're forced to sit here remembering and reminiscing what has stuck in the mind
00:14:57rationing is it amazing yeah ordinarily you go through a day and you're not thinking about what
00:15:04you've done with your life but when you're forced by amazon's lawyers to do it lots of things stick
00:15:11yeah there was an old car factory in detroit where we had muscle cars yeah you've got to remember that
00:15:18no he does you designed a race track stupidly actually because we were their muscle cars were
00:15:23going in a straight line and you designed this ridiculous wait wait yes i do i do and then we
00:15:29couldn't get off a beach and we were towing skiers and the queen was in the back of the car
00:15:33what a day
00:15:37because the track had been built by the world's most accident-prone driver
00:15:42we thought it best that the god-fearing exorcist should christen it
00:15:56it's so bumpy
00:16:00what the hell is this
00:16:10what's that some sort of chicane he's put in there
00:16:16whoa slippery that's slippery as hell
00:16:20that's unbelievably narrow what's he thinking of
00:16:30oh hello
00:16:33here he comes
00:16:38after his run james couldn't wait to give hammond some constructive feedback
00:16:43i just want to say hammond you witless dishcloth that is the worst race track i've ever been around
00:16:49it's slippery it's full of holes it's full of obstacles for you to crash into
00:16:53it's narrow challenging is it technical it's not challenging it's only about that much bigger
00:16:57than the car and it's made of butter and it appears to be full of asbestos waste
00:17:03oh it is full of asbestos oh well thank you sorry yeah close your window
00:17:14all of us then set about our practice laps on hammond's death trap thin bits oh god
00:17:24let's see bloody thing
00:17:29my own car doesn't fit around my own race track
00:17:33what have i done
00:17:36despite the peril though we gave it everything
00:17:43and by the end of the session there was nothing in it between the demon and the exorcist
00:17:51the mustang though that was in a league of its own
00:18:04it's not that i don't need more
00:18:0756.4
00:18:12yes you're fastest well of course it's the fastest it's a muscle car that handles
00:18:18however these were just unofficial practice laps now it was time for the one shot winner takes all
00:18:27real thing
00:18:28it's three two one begin
00:18:49massive bump oh god
00:18:58and here he is here he comes
00:19:12i pooped myself
00:19:13a funny noise however the trouser accident had clearly been worth it
00:19:21you've just broken your own record
00:19:23well that's remarkable 59 66 really yeah i'm happy with that and i haven't hit any famous musicians or bits
00:19:30of old car factory
00:19:34next it was the turn of corporal crash
00:19:39where's the fire engine gunner's over there ambulance is oh we're all comedians today
00:19:45yeah yeah yeah remember if you lose to james may it's more humiliating it's it's it's worse than
00:19:51you're the good news
00:19:52in these
00:19:53in three two one go
00:19:59looking for grip turning unique crisp by the edge
00:20:03oh he's gone over the edge
00:20:07Again.
00:20:14Hammond's lap's going well.
00:20:15Yeah, isn't it?
00:20:24Is that Madonna? That's Madonna.
00:20:26Yeah, I don't know.
00:20:28And we're in the open.
00:20:32Oh, Christ!
00:20:36Yes, Luke, Yeltsybob's got a bit of understeer there.
00:20:42That felt good.
00:20:43It felt like a quick one.
00:20:48I don't know how to put this to you, but...
00:20:53No.
00:20:55No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:20:570.4 of a second slower than James May!
00:21:02This is what death feels like.
00:21:04Yeah, okay, get out of the demon.
00:21:05We've done the demon and the exorcist.
00:21:07It's time for the blue nun.
00:21:10Blue nun?
00:21:10Yeah.
00:21:15Totally pointless waste of time, then.
00:21:18We've established the Mustang is the fastest
00:21:20by an enormous margin.
00:21:25But I'll go and do it, I suppose.
00:21:29Jeremy Smug in My Little Pony.
00:21:32Are you ready?
00:21:33In three, two, one, begin!
00:21:43Oh, yes.
00:21:45This is a properly sorted track car.
00:21:48That's what we're looking at here.
00:21:51Properly sorted, it may be,
00:21:53but I had a plan that would spoil its afternoon.
00:21:58You're running!
00:21:59I know, but you'll see.
00:22:00Got to get down to this corner before he gets back.
00:22:03Help me tip this over.
00:22:05What is it?
00:22:06It's organic palm oil, very slippery.
00:22:08It's the revenge of the urban farmer.
00:22:13Into the blind, then, there is Stevie Wonder.
00:22:19You do know it's palm oil that's ruining life
00:22:21for the world's orangutans.
00:22:23Only this one.
00:22:24Come on! Come on!
00:22:26The sword's shifting into the herd.
00:22:32Ooh!
00:22:33Ooh!
00:22:34Ooh!
00:22:35Ooh!
00:22:36Ooh!
00:22:37Ooh!
00:22:40Right, we've just got to find a bit
00:22:42where we can get inland
00:22:44before the tide comes in.
00:22:51That is getting closer to that.
00:22:53When that happens, we're about to.
00:22:59But as we thundered along,
00:23:01the dunes refused to open up and let us in.
00:23:06That's the sea!
00:23:08It's the sea, then.
00:23:11Oh, it's coming at me.
00:23:15I still say we can't get out here, look.
00:23:18No left turn at the moment.
00:23:23This is where you need a V8!
00:23:28Oh, shit!
00:23:31Oh, Jeremy's in trouble!
00:23:34That is not looking good!
00:23:37Come on, come on!
00:23:38Whoa!
00:23:40Oh, shit!
00:23:47Oh, shit!
00:23:49I'm in the sea!
00:23:52I'm in the sea!
00:23:53Because it was a bit of an emergency,
00:23:54my colleagues decided to help for once.
00:23:56So, James, count us in.
00:23:59Three, two, one, away!
00:24:07Yes!
00:24:07Right, let's go!
00:24:14Jesus Christ.
00:24:17Ah, it's coming in!
00:24:19It's coming in!
00:24:22Come on!
00:24:24Come on!
00:24:24Come on!
00:24:26Come on!
00:24:28Come on!
00:24:35Oh!
00:24:37Oh!
00:24:38Oh, it's bad!
00:24:43Shit!
00:24:49Come on, baby, come on!
00:24:53Mercifully, the dunes finally started to fall away,
00:24:57and we were saved.
00:25:02And we're through!
00:25:03We are. We are.
00:25:05That's a relief.
00:25:08So nearly got stuck, then.
00:25:21We were going to see which of our cars was the best at skioring,
00:25:25a sport in which you race round a frozen lake
00:25:28while towing the skier.
00:25:31Mad?
00:25:32Ha!
00:25:33You don't even know the half of it.
00:25:37One of them has only got one leg.
00:25:39What?
00:25:44But did he lose the other one doing this?
00:25:47Good afternoon, gentlemen.
00:25:48Hello.
00:25:49Good afternoon.
00:25:50Hi, good afternoon.
00:25:51There then followed a typically verbose Scandinavian conversation.
00:25:56Do you do it here because there aren't very many mountains to ski on?
00:25:59Yeah.
00:26:01How do you win?
00:26:03The fastest wins.
00:26:08Soon, though, the chat started to flow.
00:26:11How fast do you normally go?
00:26:14120.
00:26:15What?
00:26:15What?
00:26:16120.
00:26:17I wouldn't do that without a ski.
00:26:18That's kilometers an hour, yes?
00:26:19Kilometers per hour.
00:26:20But it's still...
00:26:20That's still 70.
00:26:22Yes.
00:26:22That was 70 miles an hour.
00:26:23Yeah.
00:26:24Closer to 80.
00:26:25What?
00:26:26Yeah.
00:26:26Well, what?
00:26:27We've never done this.
00:26:28Yes.
00:26:28So we won't go that fast, but you can still enjoy it.
00:26:31Well, that's sort of up to us, really.
00:26:32That's the problem.
00:26:32It's up to us.
00:26:34We have done a little bit of driving around this track.
00:26:36Well, I have, though.
00:26:37And when you're following the other one, he doesn't know what he's going to do in the corner,
00:26:41how he's going to do it.
00:26:42Is he going to turn early inside?
00:26:43I don't know what the car's going to do.
00:26:44Yeah, but your cars are intact.
00:26:47I mean, not...
00:26:47No, his is...
00:26:49Yeah.
00:26:49But your cars.
00:26:50Yeah.
00:26:51He just looked at the middle pedal and thought,
00:26:53No, I don't need that.
00:27:00Here we go.
00:27:06There's a man in the rearview mirror, and he's keeping up with me.
00:27:10That's alarming.
00:27:15Where does it go?
00:27:22Oh, what bollocks, that?
00:27:28Oh, sorry.
00:27:3365 miles per hour.
00:27:35And he's still there.
00:27:45And that's 80 miles an hour we've just achieved.
00:27:49I want to catch Jeremy more than anything else in the world,
00:27:52but I don't want to kill someone else doing it.
00:27:58Herman's gaining.
00:27:59He is gaining.
00:28:00He wants me to go faster.
00:28:02He's bloody nuts.
00:28:05I went blind.
00:28:07No!
00:28:08No!
00:28:12I had the lead.
00:28:18That's a mistake.
00:28:24Shit.
00:28:25I've lost him.
00:28:28Right, last lap.
00:28:30Through the chicane-y bit.
00:28:35Come on!
00:28:37Mapping's good, but it doesn't mean cubes.
00:28:41And I have a lot of cubes.
00:28:51Come on!
00:28:53The power of the V8 is mighty!
00:28:56Yes!
00:28:57Ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:29:00Oh, I forgot to check.
00:29:01He's still there.
00:29:09Good.
00:29:10I'll have that.
00:29:11Thank you very much.
00:29:14Having finally got the queen into the car,
00:29:17we were now faced with a perilous drive to the embassy.
00:29:22However, this did at least mean I could get back to my day job.
00:29:27Can I talk you through the car?
00:29:29This is the S8 Plus.
00:29:32And the Plus means it has 80 more horsepower than the standard car.
00:29:36That means 0-60 in 3.8 seconds.
00:29:40Top speed, 190.
00:29:43That's very interesting.
00:29:48The immense power is harnessed not only by all-wheel drive,
00:29:52but also by ceramic brakes.
00:29:55And an electronic differential.
00:29:58There's a time and a place for talking about that stuff, mate!
00:30:01Sitting behind a six-foot five-inch driver means that rear legroom
00:30:04isn't rather at a premium.
00:30:06Having said that, however, for a high-performance saloon,
00:30:09the ride quality is really rather good.
00:30:11Will you two stop reviewing the car?
00:30:16Do you have an opinion of the queen?
00:30:18Not now!
00:30:23Hold it steady, I'm gonna shoot them!
00:30:28Shoot him in the face!
00:30:32Have you come far?
00:30:57What's the top speed of that thing, James, do you reckon?
00:31:00What, 90 miles an hour?
00:31:01Well, here is a top tip for Hollywood heroes.
00:31:06If you're being chased by a car which is slower than the car you're in,
00:31:10simply drive faster than it.
00:31:15See, that's what Nick Cage ought to have thought about, really, in The Rock,
00:31:18and that man in Rome with the SA chasing the Citrus.
00:31:21Stop talking about films!
00:31:24There's a bogey waxing our tail.
00:31:26Oh, God!
00:31:26We're gonna shoot it to petrol tank.
00:31:28James, there's no point shooting his petrol tank.
00:31:30Petrol only blows up in films.
00:31:40Well, that's not strictly accurate.
00:31:43Where the bloody hell is the embassy?
00:31:45Put on here.
00:31:47That is promising!
00:31:48There it is! There it is!
00:31:51Right, you get the Queen to safety.
00:31:53I'll cover you.
00:31:54Okay, I'm on it.
00:31:55Right, good.
00:31:56Go, go, go, go, go, go!
00:31:57Your Majesty!
00:31:59Really quick, Major!
00:32:03We can't see!
00:32:18Come on, Jeremy! Come on!
00:32:20You win the best!
00:32:24Oh!
00:32:24With the blast!
00:32:26It's so low!
00:32:27I just keep moving!
00:32:31They've done it again!
00:32:33Jake, you're mad!
00:32:34You cannot modernize the royalty because royalty is, at the very best, a medieval concept.
00:32:45That's gonna scare him!
00:32:46It's still going!
00:32:48Keep going!
00:32:49Find the binds!
00:32:56It's still going!
00:33:20James, he's dead!
00:33:23And, wait a minute! He's going again! He's moving again!
00:33:26Jeremy, come on, you can do it!
00:33:29Come on! Keep going! Come on! This is it!
00:33:32Hammond!
00:33:32There's the finish line.
00:33:34Am I going the right way?
00:33:35More or less. You could maybe roll over it. You could do it.
00:33:39Yes! We have done it.
00:33:45Have you come far?
00:33:51The really strange thing is, we, all of us, loved making that film.
00:33:57When we were doing it, we were going, this is brilliant.
00:33:59We got back, and it was edited, and we saw, well, this is fantastic.
00:34:03And it was only the second programme we'd done, wasn't it?
00:34:06It was. It was the second ever Grand Tour.
00:34:08And then it went on television, and everybody hated it.
00:34:11Literally everyone. They did.
00:34:13With the amount of people, if that's what the Grand Tour's going to be like,
00:34:16we're never going to watch it ever again.
00:34:17But we were so proud and excited, and I do remember filming it.
00:34:21I remember the day. I remember it was huge fun.
00:34:23And we said to the world, what do you think of this?
00:34:25And the world says, we hate it.
00:34:27I think the fundamental problem is that the ladies and gentlemen at home
00:34:33don't really enjoy it when we're having fun.
00:34:37I think they prefer it when we're miserable.
00:34:42Yeah, and there's been plenty of times when we have been.
00:34:44Oh, yes.
00:34:54He's not going to do it.
00:35:00Hold on.
00:35:13I need a tow.
00:35:14A tow.
00:35:17This is me saving James, mate.
00:35:21It's not ideal, but...
00:35:25Jeremy is ready.
00:35:30Keep going.
00:35:35What is that noise?
00:35:43That's my gearbox.
00:35:45No, no, stop!
00:35:46Oh, you pillock.
00:35:57Ready, steady, and brake testing, James, mate.
00:36:06No.
00:36:09You're not helping with the transport of live fish.
00:36:12This is supposed to be a group effort.
00:36:14Oh, someone's fallen over in the road.
00:36:16Nothing I can do.
00:36:21Oh, no, red dust.
00:36:23Oh, God.
00:36:24Here we go.
00:36:28It doesn't look like anything much,
00:36:30but this soft red sand sits on a very hard subsurface,
00:36:33and it is simply impossible to ride the bike over.
00:36:38It just has no grip.
00:36:42Shit.
00:36:47Front end got away from me.
00:36:50There's only another hundred blocks for this, Raymond.
00:36:54Oh, for fuck's sake.
00:36:58Oh!
00:36:59Oh!
00:37:02Come on, stop it!
00:37:04Oh, fuck!
00:37:08Shit!
00:37:10Oh, here we go again.
00:37:13Yep.
00:37:13No.
00:37:14Yep.
00:37:14Good bush.
00:37:15Do you know, James,
00:37:17it's actually possible to get bored
00:37:19with watching Hammond fall off a motorcycle.
00:37:23Oh, fuck!
00:37:24Ow!
00:37:25Bullocks!
00:37:26Let's find out what lies in here for you.
00:37:28Come on.
00:37:36Oh, deary me.
00:37:37Hey, I think you've drowned your hog.
00:37:43As the afternoon wore on,
00:37:46the roads became even worse.
00:37:52Come on!
00:37:53And the human terrapin was really starting to slow me down.
00:38:02Oh, bollocks!
00:38:07Ha-ha!
00:38:08I can go in the middle, you see?
00:38:12Oh!
00:38:22Yes!
00:38:23The Green 1, 89th!
00:38:26And the Green 1, 90th!
00:38:30We are screaming along now!
00:38:32Oh, no!
00:38:40Come on!
00:38:44Come on, come on, come on!
00:38:46Come on!
00:38:50Come on!
00:38:51Come on, come on!
00:38:55That's cold, man.
00:38:56Yeah.
00:38:58But what happened there is, basically, we missed a train
00:39:00because you don't know to slow down when it says
00:39:03finish across the road.
00:39:05Oh, nice!
00:39:05I'm sorry to put it bluntly like that,
00:39:06but that's exactly what happened there.
00:39:08Yeah.
00:39:08Come on!
00:39:21James!
00:39:24Nothing.
00:39:25Don't worry.
00:39:26What?
00:39:26Nothing.
00:39:29Ow!
00:39:30There's nobody else disabled down here.
00:39:32Oh, I'd be better if I could sit in that special seat.
00:39:34It's reserved for me.
00:39:37It's reserved for disabled people.
00:39:39Like me!
00:39:39But you're not disabled.
00:39:41Temporarily, yes, I am.
00:39:42Yeah, so you're not disabled.
00:39:43You've had a playground injury as a result of your own
00:39:45half-wittedness.
00:39:47That's not disabled.
00:39:48I'm surprised you don't do more charity work
00:39:50with the differently abled.
00:39:55Oh, look.
00:39:59Oh.
00:40:00Oh, that's not worked, has it?
00:40:06Oh, that bloody noise, honestly.
00:40:08Well, what can I do about it?
00:40:09Put some springs in them or something.
00:40:27You do realize this is not a self-propelled one.
00:40:30It hasn't got the big wheels.
00:40:31You'll have to push me.
00:40:31Yeah, that's all right.
00:40:33Cool.
00:40:33It's better than listening to that clink, chink, clink, chink
00:40:36noise for the rest of the day.
00:40:37Yeah, you've really suffered, mate.
00:40:39I don't know how you've put up with it.
00:40:44You've got everything from out of your pockets,
00:40:46for you to come down.
00:40:51We'll have a mat patted down.
00:40:53What's it?
00:40:53Pat down.
00:40:54Yeah, OK.
00:40:55All right, so I'm going to go ahead.
00:40:56I'm going to give you a pat down today, OK?
00:40:58All right, so the pat down consists of me starting from the top
00:41:01all the way to the top of your feet.
00:41:03For your sensitive areas, I have to use the back of my hands
00:41:06in a sliding motion, from your waist going down,
00:41:09over your groin, and across your groin as well.
00:41:11I'm going to go up and down, OK?
00:41:18I'm going to go up and down.
00:41:19I'm going to go up and down.
00:41:24Ow!
00:41:25Sorry.
00:41:25Has he got to go in that?
00:41:26Yes, he is.
00:41:31OK, Steve on board.
00:41:35Hello, welcome aboard.
00:41:36Hello.
00:41:38Oh, God.
00:41:40Dang.
00:41:47OK.
00:41:55How's it going in the Germany?
00:41:58It's just, like, honestly, it's a walk in the park.
00:42:01What about you?
00:42:02It's a bit squeaky, but it keeps going.
00:42:06But what I'd love to know is what's happening in the catering.
00:42:11Oh, Jesus.
00:42:15That is turds.
00:42:17Jesus.
00:42:21The water's like a bath that someone's had diarrhea in.
00:42:29Bullets.
00:42:39Oh, shit, he's dead.
00:42:41I'll just adjust the temperature down to, you know, 22 degrees.
00:42:45I think it would be better.
00:42:47Adjust the lumbar support using this button down here.
00:42:53How much more of this is there?
00:42:56Oh, Jesus.
00:43:00Things were so bad that at the next ferry crossing,
00:43:03it looked like he was going to try and make the far bank without a boat.
00:43:11Wouldn't you?
00:43:12Yeah, I would.
00:43:13I mean, if somebody said to me,
00:43:15yes, there are sharks in there,
00:43:17I'd still say, I don't care.
00:43:19I don't care.
00:43:23As we left the ferry, James was much happier and cleaner.
00:43:28Oh, I'm feeling pretty good now.
00:43:33Oh, God.
00:43:38Give me strength!
00:43:44Can I just say...
00:43:46What?
00:43:46The misery there that you talked about was mainly mine, wasn't it?
00:43:50Not yours.
00:43:51And a little bit of his.
00:43:52Yeah, it was yours.
00:43:53It was quite rare that all three of us were miserable at the same time.
00:43:58Generally, it's one or two miserable.
00:44:00But how about, for a combination of misery and terror,
00:44:05do you remember the South China Sea?
00:44:12God, come on, this is just awful.
00:44:22I'm going to throw up at this rate, not because of seasickness,
00:44:25but because of the amount of salt water in the back.
00:44:33I'm going to throw up at this rate, not because of seasickness,
00:44:35F***!
00:44:41No!
00:44:52Oh, this is a lot worse than I thought it was going to be.
00:45:03Jesus Christ!
00:45:05One big wave goes in there, I'm going to get very nose-heavy,
00:45:08and I cannot realistically get up there to put it back.
00:45:14Meanwhile, I'd finally managed to put my roof up.
00:45:18Oh, yes. There's a chance. There's a chance.
00:45:22Which was time well spent.
00:45:26Holy shit!
00:45:30Oh, bollocks!
00:45:40Stop doing that!
00:45:44The good news is, Hammond, it can't be worse than that.
00:45:52But it did get worse.
00:46:04Oh, f*** the Lord!
00:46:11Jeez! This is stupid!
00:46:15It's got a snap!
00:46:27I just pissed myself standing up where I was.
00:46:31Anything else is not an option.
00:46:35Oh!
00:46:36Jesus!
00:46:37It worked!
00:46:40Oh!
00:46:45One of our camera boats was in very big trouble.
00:46:50Bloody hell!
00:46:50We're taking too much water.
00:46:52It's been a bad.
00:46:54We'll never get there at this rate.
00:46:57And James had completely lost control of his antique.
00:47:01No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
00:47:03Oh, no!
00:47:24I mean, it was a bit miserable, I'd met, but I wasn't very frightened.
00:47:27Not for me.
00:47:28I was utterly miserable and terrified.
00:47:31I was miserable and terrified.
00:47:32I hated it.
00:47:33I wasn't, so that's not all three of us.
00:47:35For terror, I would go for driving that Aston Martin...
00:47:42...DB4, you know, the newly built vintage...
00:47:45Oh, yeah, old chassis number.
00:47:47...around that very banked circuit in Spain.
00:47:51I just had a sense all the time that this is going to go wrong.
00:48:02Oh, yeah.
00:48:02Oh, yeah.
00:48:06Oh, yeah.
00:48:0860 miles an hour as I approach.
00:48:11Whoa, big pothole there.
00:48:13The first corner.
00:48:16Whoa, steering's not very weird.
00:48:20The bumps are so unnerving.
00:48:24Jesus.
00:48:26Apparently, some of them are so violent they can make the car jump...
00:48:31...four feet to the right.
00:48:38Right, this is it.
00:48:40Let's see how fast I can make this thing go.
00:48:58Oh, my God, giddy on.
00:49:00That is Jesus Christ.
00:49:09That's bumpy.
00:49:10Shit, you .
00:49:13Oh, me!
00:49:15Ah!
00:49:28That's one of the scariest things I've ever done in a car.
00:49:32Ever.
00:49:34Terror and a sense of it could go wrong.
00:49:37Was that as terrifying as driving a gigantic pickup truck...
00:49:40...over a spindly bridge in Colombia?
00:49:50Oh, God.
00:50:00The only way I can do this is by looking at the driver's side tire...
00:50:02...and keeping it as close as I can to that edge...
00:50:05...and hoping to God that gives me enough.
00:50:07Oh, Christ.
00:50:15Oh, Jesus.
00:50:17I'm shaking all over.
00:50:19I can do this.
00:50:21I'm just going to look at the wood.
00:50:22Not at what's below.
00:50:23Just look at the wood.
00:50:27Oh!
00:50:32Jesus Christ, no, I'm too close to the edge.
00:50:42Oh, my God.
00:50:47Oh, my God.
00:50:51Oh, my God.
00:50:53I think I might be sick.
00:50:55I will get there.
00:50:57Crossing this bridge is just part of my journey.
00:51:04Who is that clippity-clopping across my bridge?
00:51:07Oh, God.
00:51:12Not the Billy Goat grab game.
00:51:14Mm-hmm. I will move my Jeep out of your way.
00:51:17If you can answer this simple prog rock question.
00:51:21Let me off the bridge. I'm going to be sick, please.
00:51:23I was gripped with it. It was horrid.
00:51:26I was quite scared driving a panda over the spindly bridge.
00:51:29No. Wait. I've got it.
00:51:32That pond bug that you two built, the three-wheeler aqua car.
00:51:39Oh, yes.
00:51:40Yes, you...
00:51:41Oh, yes, he said enthusiastically.
00:51:43No, I'm thinking the bomb bug turned into a...
00:51:44into a hydroplane thing.
00:51:46Yes, and then you two built it.
00:51:47Mm-hmm.
00:51:48And then you said to me, you drive it, and while you're at it,
00:51:51set a new water speed record for amphibious cars.
00:51:55We gave you all the glory.
00:51:57That's right. We did the work.
00:51:59You got the prize.
00:52:12Visor down.
00:52:16It's on the plane now.
00:52:18We're on the plane.
00:52:19It's very spray-y.
00:52:21It's a badly designed hull.
00:52:25Jesus Christ, this steering.
00:52:27What are you doing?
00:52:29God!
00:52:32It's a nightmare.
00:52:35I can't steer it.
00:52:37I literally cannot steer it.
00:52:40I think he's experimenting with it.
00:52:42I think he's sort of testing.
00:52:44Oh, my God!
00:52:47God!
00:52:49It looks pretty good.
00:52:50It looks fabulous.
00:52:51I bet it handles like a dream.
00:52:52Oh, come on!
00:52:54The crash into the bloody safety boat.
00:52:58Look, he's making birds.
00:52:59That looks tremendous.
00:53:00Yes!
00:53:02Three times I tried to get the pond bug pointing in the right direction.
00:53:09Absolutely impossible.
00:53:11And then I thought, sod it.
00:53:13Put my foot down and went for it.
00:53:20Oh, Christ!
00:53:21It's only my skill that is keeping this pointing in a straight line.
00:53:30I've got a GPS speedo, but I can't read it because there isn't any GPS.
00:53:39Why have they given me such shoddy workmanship?
00:53:42I can't read it.
00:53:44Oh, heavens!
00:53:49Oh, Christ.
00:53:51That's the worst thing I've ever done.
00:53:53Ever.
00:53:53And now I've got to turn around and do it again.
00:53:57And I've got to wait for my own wash to die down.
00:53:59That's what did for Campbell.
00:54:00He went back too quickly.
00:54:06Here we go.
00:54:12That is my foot pinned to the floor.
00:54:18Jesus!
00:54:19It's starting to trainwalk!
00:54:23It's really bad!
00:54:29Oh, God!
00:54:29And then...
00:54:30Oh, my God!
00:54:32Oh, no, we've got a power problem!
00:54:34I'm losing power!
00:54:37May and Hammond have built a piece of shit here!
00:54:42It sounds a little bit inconsistent.
00:54:46That's maybe him feathering the throttle.
00:54:47He's possibly finessing it to keep it on the plane.
00:54:52Oh, no, clever!
00:54:54Oh, no!
00:55:02Jesus!
00:55:03A lot of smoke.
00:55:05Well, that was a disaster.
00:55:07I've got no GPS, so I don't know how fast that was.
00:55:10And the engine is cutting out all the time.
00:55:15Basically, it was time for a stern word with the engineering department.
00:55:21Right, you two.
00:55:22Yeah?
00:55:22Not only have you built something ugly and complicated...
00:55:25It's not!
00:55:25No, it's rubbish and lethal.
00:55:27In what way?
00:55:28The worst thing is the steering.
00:55:29You cannot get it going in a straight line.
00:55:32The steering is a horrible compromise,
00:55:34because it's got to work the steering wheel and it's got to steer the bay.
00:55:36No, a horrible compromise is a way of describing it.
00:55:39Lethal is another way.
00:55:41It looks great.
00:55:43Great out there.
00:55:43Did it?
00:55:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:55:44I was doing about four miles an hour.
00:55:47Well, that's a start.
00:55:47Right, C group 46 for Bomberg.
00:55:50Bomberg.
00:55:50Pilot, Jeremy Clarkson.
00:55:52Yeah.
00:55:53South, 47.362.
00:55:57It says 48.274.
00:56:00Average 47.81.
00:56:03Which is a new national record.
00:56:07We did it!
00:56:09What do you mean, we did it?
00:56:10Would you have swum it?
00:56:11I did it!
00:56:14My case there's...
00:56:15We did it!
00:56:16Wait, but you said going into that bit of film, you said, both of you, I had all the glory,
00:56:21but you went, we did it!
00:56:22Was it really that scary?
00:56:24Yeah, it was scary.
00:56:25Can I say?
00:56:25I do remember that.
00:56:27And I did feel something while you were doing it.
00:56:29It wasn't concern.
00:56:31Arousal.
00:56:31A relief.
00:56:33That it wasn't you?
00:56:34Absolutely deep.
00:56:35Oh, this is brilliant.
00:56:36We're doing something cool, but I'm not having to do anything dangerous.
00:56:39He is.
00:56:39Just moving on, if I may, from Coniston Water.
00:56:45You threw a very expensive walkie-talkie into the South China Sea.
00:56:51I can see it!
00:56:58That was a strop.
00:57:00It was a strop.
00:57:01It wasn't a strop.
00:57:02I was trying to talk to the viewers.
00:57:03It was a strop.
00:57:04It was a responsibility or was.
00:57:07And somebody.
00:57:08Well, he's no longer with us, but it was Mr. Wilman.
00:57:11Just kept interrupting.
00:57:12When I'm irritated by people interrupting on walkie-talkies,
00:57:15I simply.
00:57:16What, you still don't anymore.
00:57:17Just turn them off.
00:57:18I don't go...
00:57:19They're talking at me and throw it out of the window!
00:57:21I had a lot of other things to do.
00:57:23Let's not get bogged down.
00:57:25They all lost their temper over in the South China Sea.
00:57:29But it was you. It was you.
00:57:31I think what the ladies and gentlemen would like to see now
00:57:34is some gratuitous driving round corners a little bit too quickly while shouting.
00:57:39Yeah. Here we go.
00:57:53Can't forecast for you like me!
00:58:01Sweet Mary, mother of Jesus!
00:58:08This is not a particularly cultural thing to do.
00:58:12But it is very good fun!
00:58:16Yes!
00:58:21Holy crap!
00:58:25What a toy box today!
00:58:35Push launch.
00:58:39Full throttle.
00:58:41Boost building.
00:58:42Boost ready.
00:58:43We're going!
00:58:48More to 60 in 2.7 seconds!
00:58:53That's 120!
00:58:55150!
00:58:56100!
00:58:57Jesus!
00:58:58Thank Christ!
00:59:02We'll actually do 186 in 18 seconds, and flat out it's 208.
00:59:09That's really alarming.
00:59:12I'm gonna be sick now.
00:59:15Whoa!
00:59:18Whoa!
00:59:20Whoa!
00:59:21Whoa!
00:59:21Ha-ha!
00:59:27Can't-strew!
00:59:29That is insane!
00:59:31Ha-ha!
00:59:32Forgot dust in my face!
00:59:44What the hell?!
00:59:47Ha-ha-ha!
00:59:48Whoa!
00:59:49What the hell?!
00:59:55Ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:59:55Ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:59:57There she is!
00:59:59There she is!
01:00:05The bell has sounded, the race is on.
01:00:11Now we'd find out what's what on our specially designed track.
01:00:18Right round the bell end.
01:00:28You should be able to get her, heaven's sake. Come on!
01:00:43The horse has gone wide! Is there a chance here? Come on!
01:00:48Come on, you can have her! Now! Now!
01:00:57When it gets on some...
01:01:02Oh, dear!
01:01:10Whoa!
01:01:13Oh, shit!
01:01:24That's what Lamborghinis are all about.
01:01:28Oh, my word.
01:01:30Oh!
01:01:31Sit rep. The entire tyre has been consumed by the heart of the monster.
01:01:37It has.
01:01:38Do you know the thing was, the tyre pressure warning light came on.
01:01:42What could that have meant?
01:01:43Well, it meant that on this, it was specifically telling me there was a problem with this tyre.
01:01:47So I ignored it.
01:01:49Yes. It's a good job you're not an airline pilot.
01:01:52Yes.
01:01:53You really are useless.
01:01:56No! No, let's be fair.
01:01:59Because I was just thinking, who was that really old man that taught me how to do that sliding stuff?
01:02:05I don't know, but he didn't do a very good job, did he?
01:02:07It was at Kemble Airfield, where British Airways now store all its old jets near Siren Sester.
01:02:11Yes.
01:02:12And we had a Lamborghini Murcielago, and I couldn't make it slide to save my life.
01:02:16And this old man said, I'll show you how to do it.
01:02:19Well, whoever he was, he would have died decades ago, and he was no good, because you really are useless.
01:02:23Really nice chap.
01:02:25Anyway, no, I miss him. No, I've just remembered him.
01:02:28But just back to my point, he didn't do you any good, because you are useless.
01:02:33You are a human being for whom there is no discernible, detectable use at all on the planet in any
01:02:39function whatsoever.
01:02:41It's only some freak set of circumstances by which you happen to invent a context in which you could operate.
01:02:48Namely, this and nothing else.
01:02:51Because essentially, left to your own devices, you can do nothing.
01:02:59Now, look.
01:03:00Now, look what?
01:03:01Hurry up. Don't let us distract you, Professor. Doctor.
01:03:04Listen, I have worked this out all by my own.
01:03:07The gearbox is overheated.
01:03:09Okay? So I'm going to put some fluid in it.
01:03:11How much do you need to put in?
01:03:14I don't know. How much do you need to put in?
01:03:16Just put enough in.
01:03:17Yeah, put some in.
01:03:18Go on.
01:03:21It's like watching a really, really old drunk pour himself a scotch.
01:03:27Just another one.
01:03:29That concentration phase is coming out. There it is.
01:03:32Good to see man operating at his absolute limit.
01:03:37Right. I'm going to pop it into gear now. You may hear this a little bit.
01:03:45Good. First.
01:03:46Uh, foot on clutch.
01:03:49And now it's time to fire up the seven litre V12.
01:04:07It's quite normal.
01:04:13Oh, that could keep you occupied for hours.
01:04:16Why won't it go on? That's ridiculous.
01:04:19The last thing I knew was I was in my thirties.
01:04:22Yeah.
01:04:22Late thirties, admittedly.
01:04:23And then suddenly I'm standing in a field still watching.
01:04:26How is this possible?
01:04:26Good boy.
01:04:29Oh, this is brilliant.
01:04:32Oh, wow. What a sense of achievement.
01:04:45I'm 57.
01:04:49No! No! No!
01:04:58Where are you going?
01:04:59Oh, chaps!
01:05:09What balls this up completely?
01:05:13It's his Ferraro Rocher.
01:05:14Oh, my God.
01:05:17Okay. That is...
01:05:20That's not very ambass...
01:05:21These people are trained to be suave.
01:05:24They're smart and cool.
01:05:25And you've knocked over their tower of Ferraro Rocher.
01:05:28Are you cretin?
01:05:40Let's just get this straight.
01:05:42When we get over the building,
01:05:44we leap out of the door
01:05:46and grab the rope slide down it.
01:05:48Pretty much, yeah. That's it.
01:05:49That's how it goes.
01:05:50You can be leader.
01:05:52Get out there, show us how it's done.
01:05:54We will follow.
01:05:55I don't want to.
01:05:57I've never climbed a rope or gone down one in my life before ever.
01:06:00Lead by example.
01:06:02Be an inspiration to your men.
01:06:04Yeah, exactly.
01:06:05How high will it be?
01:06:0730 feet?
01:06:09You'll be fine.
01:06:10What happens if you fell 30 feet?
01:06:13Would you be going home with a head wand?
01:06:15You'd be going home in this helicopter,
01:06:16but not in that seat.
01:06:17You'd be in a bucket in the corner.
01:06:27Okay.
01:06:28Here it comes.
01:06:29Let's do this!
01:06:36Whoa!
01:06:37Jesus Christ, stop!
01:06:39Oh, shit.
01:06:41I'm very scared.
01:06:42Wait, that's not the attitude.
01:06:44Go on, then.
01:06:45I don't like it.
01:06:46Go down the road!
01:06:46I don't want to do it.
01:06:47Loosen your hands a bit.
01:06:48I don't want to.
01:06:49Do you want me to tickle you?
01:06:51You're going?
01:06:51No, no.
01:06:52Well, go on, then.
01:06:58Robert!
01:07:00Yeah?
01:07:00My trousers have fallen down.
01:07:03Ladies and gentlemen, Chuck Norris.
01:07:08They're all down now.
01:07:11Oh, yes.
01:07:13Have you ever in your home life seen any new...
01:07:21Ah.
01:07:25I mean, that is it.
01:07:26My arse is that far out of the seat.
01:07:28Oh, dear.
01:07:30Is there a bigger one?
01:07:31No.
01:07:33This is the...
01:07:34So this is the biggest?
01:07:37I won't be able to do it.
01:07:39Oh, come on.
01:07:40You'll miss out on a day out.
01:07:41What do you want me to do?
01:07:42Be less fat.
01:07:44It's quite easy.
01:07:46Oh, God.
01:07:54I genuinely can't get out.
01:07:56Yeah.
01:07:57Oh, dear.
01:07:59Could you...
01:07:59Could you help...
01:08:00Can you help me get out?
01:08:01I have to dismantle the car around you.
01:08:04They are going to have to dismantle the car around you
01:08:08to get...
01:08:11We're peeling it off him like a diving suit.
01:08:17It would have been easy just to paint a race car on him.
01:08:20And then wipe it off.
01:08:29Handbrake!
01:08:36Oh, shit.
01:08:37Let's do this!
01:08:41Oh, shit.
01:08:43I may have clipped something there.
01:08:46Damn.
01:08:47Sorry about that, Phil.
01:08:51The gate.
01:08:52Take two.
01:08:54And turn and flick.
01:08:56Oh, deary me.
01:08:58He's done it again.
01:09:00What a massive twat.
01:09:02You just can't do it.
01:09:03I can.
01:09:03You can't.
01:09:04Well, I clipped it once.
01:09:05I'm getting better.
01:09:06It's still not going through something, is it?
01:09:08Give me...
01:09:08Could you just rebuild it once more, honestly?
01:09:12Gate.
01:09:13Take three.
01:09:16And handbrake!
01:09:17Oh, shit!
01:09:18That's not bloody!
01:09:19Oh!
01:09:25Nothing.
01:09:29I'll just get these stragglers.
01:09:32Don't go...
01:09:35Come on!
01:09:36Oh, shit!
01:09:40You've done one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven sheep.
01:09:46And broken the windscreen.
01:10:09Sorry!
01:10:10What a prick.
01:10:15The funny thing is, I'm struggling to think of any other TV show where the host is so appallingly useless
01:10:23of what it is he's supposed to be doing.
01:10:26No, there isn't one.
01:10:26I mean, Gordon Ramsay, oh, I'm burnt and he's ruined.
01:10:29Oh, no, this detail's on fire.
01:10:31It's just, no, we're not.
01:10:33David Attenborough.
01:10:34I've trodden on it.
01:10:36That was the last egg.
01:10:38How did this happen?
01:10:40I don't know.
01:10:41And, and, I'm gonna be honest with you, it's not just me.
01:10:46Because you're pretty useless as well.
01:10:48No, you are.
01:10:49You are.
01:10:50Fairly.
01:10:53Come on!
01:11:08Back at the finish line, my colleagues were not impressed with me.
01:11:12There's oil everywhere and coolant.
01:11:15All you had to do was go around pretending it was a bit dramatic.
01:11:18Exactly.
01:11:18And proving that a Jaguar worked properly and was durable.
01:11:21Smash through a window.
01:11:22Boot lid.
01:11:24No other words.
01:11:25Off.
01:11:26Does it actually start?
01:11:37I think he just threw a rod.
01:11:39And it's all fixable.
01:11:43I'd been on the go for ten hours.
01:11:45And as I was heading for another late night, I decided to stop and grab something to eat.
01:11:53We've been given these sort of emergency ration packs.
01:11:57So what I do is take the top off there.
01:12:00And that's the food, which is, I don't know, beans and sausages.
01:12:04That goes in there.
01:12:06And then I add a little drop of water.
01:12:11I presume this triggers some sort of chemical reaction with whatever it is in the little bag of stuff.
01:12:20I don't think that's working.
01:12:22There's no heat.
01:12:22I'd get more out of a hand warmer.
01:12:25Oh, wait a minute.
01:12:26It's inflating.
01:12:27Oh!
01:12:27Oh, no!
01:12:28Oh, my God!
01:12:29Oh!
01:12:29No, there's...
01:12:30Ah!
01:12:31Ah!
01:12:32Ah!
01:12:33It's out!
01:12:34Oh!
01:12:35Oh, that's so hot!
01:12:36Oh, I'm burning my balls!
01:12:38Oh!
01:12:39Are you ready?
01:12:41Right.
01:12:42Perfect.
01:12:43Now, pull me along.
01:12:46Go!
01:12:47Go!
01:12:47Power!
01:12:54Oh, give me strength.
01:12:56You pulled the bloody fishing rod holder off.
01:13:00Why did you tie it to the fishing rod?
01:13:01Why did you tie it to the fishing rod?
01:13:02I didn't tie it to the fishing rod, you blithering idiot.
01:13:05Right.
01:13:06Are you ready?
01:13:07We're setting off.
01:13:19That one's gone upside down again.
01:13:27What the f...
01:13:29Oh, jeez. How has he done...
01:13:43I'll pull you in.
01:13:49You know, I'm going to let you into a little secret about...
01:13:52when he sank that poor man's boat in.
01:13:55He was wearing, as you may have noticed, a life jacket.
01:13:59What didn't you do when you went upside down again?
01:14:03What I didn't do was pull the cord that inflates it.
01:14:06So it was just an extra weight round the deck.
01:14:09And I did say, thank goodness I was wearing this.
01:14:12And somebody else pointed out, no.
01:14:15I hadn't inflated it.
01:14:16He hadn't inflated it? Yep.
01:14:18Yep, that's a true fact.
01:14:19You didn't say that right. You said when you sank that boat.
01:14:21You mean when you sank that poor man's boat that he'd spent his life savings on?
01:14:25No, I think it was his children had bought it.
01:14:28Oh, no, you're right.
01:14:30After he'd had a pretty bad diagnosis at the doctors.
01:14:33They'd said he was riddled.
01:14:34Yes.
01:14:35They bought him that boat and some fishing rods.
01:14:37So, because he loved fishing.
01:14:38Yes.
01:14:39And he loved his boat.
01:14:40He adored it.
01:14:41And then Richard Herman said, can I borrow your boat?
01:14:44I'm not good with boats.
01:14:45And then, it isn't just that we sink boats and crash and wreck tires.
01:14:49We never mastered the art of standing up.
01:14:54Not really.
01:15:12Oh, hello.
01:15:14Goodbye.
01:15:14Goodbye.
01:15:15Ah!
01:15:16Ah!
01:15:17Shit!
01:15:18Ah!
01:15:19Oh!
01:15:23Oh!
01:15:31All right.
01:15:55Now, of course, we can all laugh about old men falling over.
01:15:59But sometimes, the laughter has to stop.
01:16:06I detect a lack of sincerity.
01:16:09I'm channeling my inner wansho.
01:16:20Okay, you ready?
01:16:21Yes.
01:16:22James May is ready, and we'll be setting off very shortly.
01:16:25Brace. Brace, brace.
01:16:27Right, I've got the deck chair out in a good book.
01:16:32In your own time, begin.
01:16:38That was a brisk start for a James May.
01:17:07Big one.
01:17:08Big one.
01:17:09Big one.
01:17:10Big one.
01:17:11Big one.
01:17:36Big one.
01:17:37Big two.
01:17:39Oh, I'm quite nervous.
01:17:42Okay, here we go. Give your best shot, Rich.
01:17:44Yeah. Watch this.
01:18:22Quick!
01:18:43Oh, my God.
01:19:11Is that why you got a helicopter license?
01:19:13So you could fly yourself to hospital?
01:19:15I'm a frequent flyer. I don't need to.
01:19:17I've got a gold card.
01:19:18I mean, you've moved in here.
01:19:20Obviously, it's easier.
01:19:21But how many years went by
01:19:23without you ever having to take your own trousers off
01:19:26when you got home from work?
01:19:27Quite a few.
01:19:28Generally, somebody would cut them off with scissors for me.
01:19:30Exactly.
01:19:31And then they'd be gone.
01:19:32It was extraordinary, wasn't it?
01:19:33It's remarkable to see you with a pair of trousers on, actually.
01:19:37Something occurs to me.
01:19:38Hmm?
01:19:39Over all the years we made that show,
01:19:41you were the only one who was never grievously injured.
01:19:44What?
01:19:50Oh!
01:19:51F***!
01:19:55I was actually acting.
01:19:57Were you? That was pretend.
01:19:58It was pretend, grievous injury.
01:20:00It was.
01:20:00Anyway, is that it?
01:20:02I think we're finished.
01:20:02No.
01:20:03What?
01:20:03No, no, no.
01:20:04The lawyers.
01:20:06What?
01:20:06The really small print.
01:20:07The small print of the small print.
01:20:09What?
01:20:09We've got to do three of these.
01:20:11Well, we've got to do two more?
01:20:12Yes.
01:20:14Two more of these best ofs?
01:20:15Yes.
01:20:17And on that terrible disappointment,
01:20:19we'll be back soon with more of this.
01:20:24See ya.
01:20:24Four more of these.
01:20:35We'll be back.
01:20:37Bye, пока!
01:20:38Bye, John.
01:20:44Bye.
01:21:13You
01:21:29You
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