taskmaster s21e04 skyfire

Laplaya

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Transcript

00:02Don't look away

00:16I might just do this all day

00:36I sweat I sweat when I eat I sweat when I sunbathe I sweat when I you know when I

00:42sweat

00:44But most important of all I sweat the small stuff the decisions that will make or break the spirits of

00:49a comedian

00:50So put some more water on the sauna coals and bring me some lemons because things are about to get

00:57hot

01:00Please welcome Amy Gledhill

01:01A man who told me recently in confidence that whenever he walks a dog in his local neighborhood

01:22He never cleans up her poo and I quote him. What do I care if people get poppy shoes they

01:28should watch where they're walking

01:30Yes

01:44Okay for a little team bonding activity up for up. Yeah, just drink it. How I drink it ready. Yep.

01:50Here we go. Hit it

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23:18Do you want me to tell you who was the slowest?

23:24Yes.

23:25The slowest just was Kamel. 35 minutes 56 seconds. 35 minutes I did that?

23:33And 56 seconds and weirdly you've done it pretty well.

23:36Oh

23:39Amy asked twice as many questions as you but she asked a question every 11 seconds.

23:4533 minutes and 25 seconds.

23:48Wow.

23:49Well now for two super switched on guys. There are Mando and Joel.

23:55Is it?

23:56Is it meat?

23:58Is it bird based?

23:59It is. Yes.

24:02Is it an egg?

24:03No.

24:04Wait, wait, what did you say no to?

24:06Wait, what did you say? Wait, wait, wait, wait.

24:08What did I ask?

24:09Have you ever thought about simplifying the rules?

24:11Yes, cabbage.

24:16Is it chips?

24:17Yes.

24:19What was my last one?

24:20Yes, it's chips.

24:22Is that a question?

24:23Is it trifles?

24:23Yes.

24:24Is it ice cream?

24:27Nothing to do with trifles.

24:29It's trifles then.

24:30No similarities.

24:32LAUGHTER

24:35What?

24:36Put it back on.

24:37You still don't know exactly what it is.

24:39Keep going.

24:40Do you enjoy them with vinegar?

24:43Yes, it's chips still.

24:46It's chips?

24:48Yes.

24:51No, what are you doing?

24:52Oh, what?

24:54I thought I was supposed to say what it was in an ovilish.

24:57You have seen it now.

24:59No, I haven't.

25:00Will this stop if I...

25:10Is it custard?

25:12No, if you stab your eye with a fork, we'll carry on.

25:24No.

25:28No.

25:31No.

25:42Oh, God.

25:44Oh, God.

25:46Is it custard in one bowl and mustard in another bowl?

25:50Yes.

25:57It's custard and mustard.

25:59Is this a flour?

26:00No, it's definitely not.

26:02So that's yes, so it's mustard and custard.

26:05You can now open the cloche and eat it.

26:09I've stopped the clock.

26:12Oh.

26:13Oh.

26:14I think I need to, like, seriously go back to school or something.

26:25What I don't understand was it got harder after I'd seen it.

26:30Yeah.

26:30That's the bit...

26:31You were both quicker than the outside, too.

26:34But they looked at the food.

26:36Yeah.

26:36Exactly, yeah.

26:37Armando looked at it after ten minutes and got it right after 21.

26:41LAUGHTER

26:43Joel looked after six minutes and got it right after 26 and a half minutes.

26:47LAUGHTER

26:48Neither of them got it right in the end.

26:50They both looked again to get it right.

26:52So they get nothing?

26:53I imagine so.

26:54Yeah.

26:55Time for a break.

26:56Put that phone down.

26:57No doom scrolling.

26:58Stand up, stretch your legs, go into the garden and shout,

27:00I am alive, into the night sky.

27:02I mean it.

27:03Do it now.

27:10APPLAUSE

27:14Hello!

27:15Yes, it's part three and there's an incredibly irritating Tuscan play.

27:19All the contestants have to do is work out what food is under the cloche,

27:23whereas I have to answer their previous question incorrectly.

27:26Hashtag hard for horn.

27:28And...

27:28LAUGHTER

27:30There's just one person left.

27:33LAUGHTER

27:33It's the final page.

27:35It's Joanna.

27:37Right, there's got...

27:37I can lift it and see how heavy it is.

27:39Ooh, it's very light.

27:42BUZZER

27:42I can smell it.

27:44BUZZER

27:45I can smell it, it's savoury.

27:47Is it savoury?

27:48BUZZER

27:49Is it sweet?

27:50No.

27:51Yes, it's savoury.

27:53BUZZER

27:55BUZZER

27:55Ugh!

27:56I don't like it, it's not that nice.

27:58Is it runny?

27:59Yes.

28:00Is it hot?

28:01Ooh, no.

28:04Mmm...

28:06No.

28:07Well, that means it's half and half then.

28:09Is it?

28:10Is it?

28:11Is it?

28:13Yellow.

28:14Yes.

28:14Is it cheese?

28:16No.

28:17What the hell is yellow and runny?

28:19Is it custard?

28:20Yes.

28:21And baked beans?

28:22No, don't lift up the cloth.

28:24It's custard.

28:25It's custard.

28:26But there's some other thing with it, which is savoury.

28:30But it smells.

28:31It smells horrible.

28:32It smells of a bit like salad cream.

28:35I'm just going to say some things.

28:36You're right, it's mustard or something.

28:38BUZZER

28:39You just said something.

28:41BUZZER

28:41I've been saying custard.

28:43And you just said mustard.

28:46I'm making a guess.

28:48It's custard and mustard.

28:50You may open the cloth.

28:53I think you managed to stack them.

28:56God, it stinks.

28:58Will you hold my nose for me, please?

28:59I'd love to.

29:01OK.

29:01Got it.

29:02OK, one, two, three, go.

29:04Oh, my God, roll him up!

29:05Mm-hm.

29:05Oh, my God, I did a...

29:07I'll stop the cloth.

29:08Wow.

29:11APPLAUSE

29:13APPLAUSE

29:17Well, let's say it as it is, someone fucked up.

29:21He sabotaged it.

29:22I was doing so well.

29:23No, he gave you the answer.

29:25He didn't sabotage you.

29:26The shaking system was good.

29:28Mm-hm.

29:28Yeah, the shaking was a good strategy.

29:30You know what was a better strategy?

29:31Having you tell her the answer.

29:33LAUGHTER

29:35I mean, we're going to have to allow it,

29:37because it's his mistake, not Joanna's, so...

29:39Mm.

29:39But how did she do?

29:41She won.

29:41She did really well.

29:42Well done, Joanna.

29:43Yeah.

29:43Of course she did.

29:45APPLAUSE

29:49Amando and Joel both cheated.

29:51Very naughty boys, so zero points each.

29:54Three to Camille, four to Amy, and five to Joanna Payne.

29:56CHEERING

29:59Difficult task, isn't it? Difficult task.

30:00Yeah, yeah.

30:01All you have to do is ask one question.

30:03Yeah.

30:04Cos I had to answer every question incorrectly.

30:06If you'd asked me what wasn't under the cloche,

30:09I would have told you there was mustard and custard.

30:12Done.

30:13Doesn't matter.

30:14Alex...

30:16Alex, you must fuck yourself.

30:21On that, on that.

30:24APPLAUSE

30:25Oh, my God!

30:28Let's task again.

30:29Like we did last summer, but for now we're back in the lab

30:32and it's everyone's favourite type of test.

30:34Multiple choice.

30:36MUSIC

30:47Alex.

30:48Hello there.

30:51OK.

30:54Oh, jeez.

30:55Phil did that one.

30:57Two tasks.

30:58Pardon?

31:01Oh, three tasks!

31:05If you opened this task first, you must pop the balloon,

31:08then open another task.

31:10Am I allowed to open this?

31:11Because I...

31:12You've got a choice of three to open.

31:14If you open this task first, you must spin 360 degrees...

31:19Ten times, then open another task.

31:21Well, I'm not going to do that.

31:22If you open this task first, you must completely cover...

31:26..the balloon in tinfoil...

31:28Then open another task.

31:30What are you thinking?

31:32I'm...

31:33I'm...

31:34I'm not really.

31:35LAUGHTER

31:36I think I've realised that's not really my vibe.

31:43APPLAUSE

31:44Let's see if I can do some stuff, you.

31:46OK, well, first, just like my third favourite battery,

31:49it's double A, Armando and Amy.

31:51And just so you know, my second favourite battery's a C,

31:54because they're manly, and my favourite's a triple A,

31:55cos they're cute.

31:56Here we go.

31:56LAUGHTER

31:57Yeah, I'm going to do the balloon first.

32:00Complete all three tasks.

32:01Fastest wins, and you must inflect your voice

32:03at the end of every sentence you say.

32:06Fastest wins, and you must end every sentence with the word mate.

32:10Your time starts now.

32:11Mate.

32:12If you open this task first, you must pop the balloon,

32:15then open another task, mate.

32:17Pop the balloon, and then open another task.

32:19Ta-ta-ta-

32:20Open another task.

32:21I'm scared of popping balloons, mate.

32:23All right.

32:24Three!

32:25WHISTLE BLOWS

32:26Mate!

32:27Oh!

32:30Mate.

32:32If you open this task second, you must put the tin foil

32:35and all the dice in the jar, seal the jar, then open another task.

32:40OK, mate.

32:43Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

32:44I've not quite got the inflection.

32:46I've not quite got the inflection.

32:52Two tasks done.

32:54Done.

32:54Two tasks done.

32:56Ah!

32:57If you open this task third, you must eat a yellow sweet,

33:00then you are finished, mate.

33:02A yellow sweet, then you're finished.

33:07Oh, you fucker, mate.

33:09Is it one of these dice?

33:12It probably would be, wouldn't it?

33:14Hang on, I'll do this a bit more carefully.

33:20That was aggressive.

33:21Sorry about that, mate.

33:23Does it look like a yellow dice?

33:27Dice?

33:28Dice is nice.

33:31Oh!

33:33Oh!

33:35Oh!

33:37Oh!

33:37OK.

33:38I have to eat the whole thing?

33:40Yeah, don't choke.

33:41Don't choke.

33:41OK.

33:41Mate.

33:43I'm just going to look for a yellow sweet.

33:46Mm-hm.

33:47Mm-hm.

33:51I've got the point, mate.

33:53Mate.

33:56Where did you go?

33:57Er, I can't remember, but the good news is I found a yellow sweet.

34:02So, er, I'll just eat that.

34:07Where did you find it?

34:10Wrapped round a banana.

34:13For the cock?

34:17You lost your life, didn't you?

34:22I thought, until you found the sweet, Amy,

34:25I thought we'd finally broken you.

34:27There was one mate that I said, not in my accent,

34:30and that's when I knew I was angry, because I said, mate.

34:34What did Armando eat at the end?

34:37It was a yellow sweet.

34:38I mean...

34:39Well, you said it was previously wrapped around a banana.

34:41It was...

34:41It was banana skin.

34:42Banana-flavoured yellow.

34:44You'd scrape the banana skin off and try to pass it off as a sweet.

34:47Wait, so that was not a sweet?

34:49It looked like a sweet, didn't it? Yeah.

34:51Tasted like a sweet.

34:53Well, what was it?

34:54It was banana skin off.

34:55It was banana skin.

34:56Why did you not take a piece of the actual banana?

34:59Why is it the same?

35:02Oh, this is the only non-edible part.

35:05I'll tell you this.

35:06You could make an argument that I should disqualify him for that,

35:09but I'm not going to, because the whole thing broke my heart.

35:12LAUGHTER

35:16Two more?

35:17Two more!

35:17And now it's two stars from the 2020 film Doolittle.

35:21It is Joanna and Kumail, who are both in Doolittle.

35:24What?

35:26I'm going to just do this.

35:27Fine.

35:28Yeah.

35:28Complete all three tasks, fastest wins, and you must say,

35:32I am Kumail Nanjiani at the end of every sentence.

35:35That comes very naturally to me.

35:36I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

35:37And you must exhale and shake your head at the end of every sentence you say.

35:44Your time starts now.

35:47If you open this task first, you must spin 360 degrees ten times,

35:51then open another task.

35:53You must completely cover the balloon in tinfoil, then open another task.

35:56I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

35:58One, two, three, four...

36:04Cool.

36:05One done.

36:06One.

36:06I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

36:08Nine.

36:08Ten.

36:09I'm impressed.

36:11OK, I'm going to go for this one.

36:13If you open this task second, you must spin 360 degrees 20 times,

36:19then open another task.

36:20I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

36:21If you open this task second, you must put the tinfoil and all the dice in the jar.

36:30Oh, my God.

36:31I'm assuming it...

36:33Ah!

36:34Ah!

36:35Ah!

36:39One, two, three, four, five.

36:42Oh, and I just found a sweet, but it didn't say to put the sweet pen, so I'm keeping that,

36:46because I probably need that for later on.

36:49I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

36:51I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

36:53I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

36:56I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

36:58I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

36:59If you open this task third, you must wrap the yellow sweet in the tinfoil, then you are

37:06finished.

37:08You must eat a yellow sweet, then you are finished.

37:12I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

37:16Oh, that's not a yellow sweet, is it?

37:18I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

37:20It's a pink sweet, right?

37:22Right.

37:22So I'm going to suck this one, because it might be a changing one.

37:28Where's sweet?

37:30There's a sweet somewhere, but where?

37:34Where is it?

37:42Even an idiot would have to agree that's a yellow sweet.

37:45I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

37:46I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

37:47I'm totally gone.

37:48This is weird.

37:52Right.

37:54I'm going to take this apart.

37:56Oh, my God.

37:57I'm sorry.

37:58I'm quite astounded by my own thinking.

38:00I am absolutely an utterly chap.

38:03I've stopped the clock.

38:04Flipping it.

38:05I'm chapped.

38:06I'm chapped.

38:07I'm chapped.

38:08I'm chapped.

38:12I couldn't quite tell what sort of mood Joanna was in at the end of that.

38:16No, I didn't know.

38:16Yeah.

38:17It was utter relief.

38:19Yeah.

38:19I think I went in, like, cameramen's pockets and stuff.

38:22I was searching, like, everyone.

38:24Kumail.

38:26Greg.

38:26Were you asked to say your name in the style of Roger Moore?

38:31I can't help it.

38:32I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

38:35OK.

38:35Time for the final ad break.

38:37Today's episode will end with somebody celebrating on stage with a jammy kebab and a prosthetic tongue.

38:43Oh, I love jam.

38:45He does.

38:46He loves jam.

38:47See you later.

38:57Hello.

38:59It's the final part of the show and we need to finish what we've started in the lab.

39:03Our guys had to complete three tasks which they could tackle in whichever order they liked.

39:08One person left.

39:09He's part man.

39:10He's part egg.

39:11He's Joel Domlet.

39:17Complete all three tasks.

39:19Fastest wins.

39:20And you must repeat the last two words of every sentence you say, you say.

39:24Your time starts now, starts now.

39:26Must pop the balloon, then open another task, another task.

39:33You must eat a red sweet and then open another task, another task.

39:39Red sweet.

39:40Mm-hm.

39:40Red sweet.

39:42Is there a red sweet in here?

39:44You're looking for a red sweet.

39:45I'm looking for a red sweet.

39:46Hmm.

39:46Red sweet.

39:50You're thinking about eating the wax?

39:52I'm thinking about eating the wax.

39:56That's your red sweet, is it?

40:02That nice.

40:04Mmm.

40:05OK, so we're saying you've done two tasks.

40:07Yeah.

40:07Can't wait for that waxy poop.

40:09If you open this task third, you must spin 360 degrees 30 times then you're finished.

40:15Yes!

40:15I love this stuff.

40:17Here we go.

40:20I've just seen the red sweet.

40:28One.

40:29Two.

40:30Three.

40:31Four.

40:32Five.

40:33Six.

40:33Seven.

40:34Four.

40:35Six.

40:36Five.

40:37Twenty-six.

40:38Twenty-seven.

40:39Twenty-eight.

40:40Twenty-nine.

40:41Thirty.

40:43I can't stop.

40:44I can't stop.

40:52You started so fast, I know

41:00Yeah, this exercise I think we've

41:03We've learned there's a lot of things. I'm not good at and

41:07Spinning I'm good at that

41:09Really good. I mean you were so good you spun more than 30 times

41:12Did you have to say that last two words for the whole thing? He was meant to your right come

41:16out and after eating the wax seal

41:17He stopped saying the end of the sentence again, but I imagine Greg didn't mind because he liked the spinning

41:23so much

41:24I'll just chicken. He just do you mind about him not repeating the word?

41:27I don't mind because he um, spanned so many times

41:31So it doesn't matter if you do the task or not not really, okay

41:38Oh

41:39Joanna you were actually the slowest 11 minutes 30. So it's one point for you. Armando next 9 minutes 12

41:45including banana skin

41:48Will allow it Amy gets three points six minutes five seconds. So it's between Kamel and Joel

41:54One of you took five minutes 40 the other four minutes 57

42:02Joel you get five points you

42:05four minutes 57 and Kamel gets four points in second place

42:17That does seem grossly unfair

42:21Please make you wait to the stage for the final dance for the show

42:32Hello

42:34Well then my boy who will be reading out the task. I'm your baby boy Amy Cladhill. Thank you, baby

42:40boy

42:42Be the first to communicate the item to your team

42:46You must not make any noise

42:49You must use your pencil and ball and you must stare at both throughout

42:54You must stay on your spots at all times

42:57Best team of communicators after five rounds wins

43:02Fantastic

43:03Okay

43:03Is this a task where we have to follow the rules?

43:10We're going to come over and show Amy and Joanna the first item. This is the first one. Ready?

43:17It's like charades

43:18It is charades

43:21So remember no noise you must use your items and stare at them. Ready? Ready

43:27WHISTLE

43:30Dog

43:31Dog

43:31Bowling

43:32Dog's right!

43:32Austin!

43:34Oh!

43:34Right, it's a quick one and they're 1-0 up

43:36Yeah, good

43:40Ok

43:40Ok, ready

43:45Ha ha, ha ha don't look

43:47Right

43:49Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

43:49Different reactions

43:51Round two. 1-0 to the team of two

43:53BANG

43:53Shout it out

43:54Canoe

43:55Rowing

43:56Oh

44:17We are actually checking it because hey, yeah, we're all about the rule

44:24We have analyzed the footage and the fastest team was

44:29Joanna and Armando

44:33Please put it down again

44:36One more will get you the win, but how big were the win? Oh hello again. I'm bad at this

44:42You can do this

44:45I'm ready go

44:54Stay on your spot Kamel the rules

45:00Nice and silent

45:04There is your items please

45:15Incredible

45:18Amazing

45:19Just about

45:21Switch around it's 2-1 they're back in it switch around

45:23Oh right back in it

45:25Hello Armando. Hi Alex. Don't give anything away when you see it. Is that all right?

45:31Thank you

45:39Okay, please look at your items

45:41Cool

45:42Craig Davis

45:43Yes!

45:45It's 2-2!

45:47Oh!

45:48That was amazing!

45:50Wow!

45:52Right!

45:53Remarkable!

45:54Back in the game

45:54Okay, well it's the final one

45:56Okay

45:57We can do this

45:58We can do this

45:59We can do this

46:00We can do this

46:01We can do this

46:11OK

46:13Javlin

46:13Scrushing your teeth

46:15I've gotten

46:16Monster

46:18You

46:19Heart

46:21Education

46:22Family

46:23In your right

46:24Wax

46:25Feel

46:25A bird

46:29Vampire

46:30Yes it is vampire!포

46:34fab

46:36LAUGHTER

46:38OK, we'll add those to the final scores. Come down and join me!

46:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

46:51Well, five points for the team of three,

46:54and then how many for the team of two?

46:55Well, they did OK. Three points.

46:58OK, so three for the team of two, five for the team of three.

47:00APPLAUSE

47:04How's that affected the final scores?

47:05Well, Armando, you won't believe it,

47:07is in last place with ten points.

47:09The other two boys are at the top.

47:11Kamel's got 18 points, but the winner of this episode,

47:13the first time he's won a show, is Joel Dobbin!

47:15No way!

47:18Joel Dobbin wins!

47:22Please go and have your celebrations

47:24with the best combination!

47:37APPLAUSE

47:37AND APPLAUSE

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