- 8 hours ago
Game Bros - Season 1 - Episode 05: The Offer
Category
馃帴
Short filmTranscript
00:03This better be good. I stopped cooking for this.
00:06You cook?
00:07Do not confuse me cooking bitches in Call of War with the lady bitch cooking you do in the kitchen.
00:12Okay, it's too early for you.
00:13Oh, you're telling me. My alarm interrupted my wet dream.
00:17It was going to be a wet dream, but then I woke up before it was a wet dream.
00:22Stop saying wet dream.
00:23We were referees, and we were watching Hulk Hogan and Cate Blanchett absolutely ravage my asshole.
00:29I mean toss it like a Caesar salad, like destroy me like an old Italian restaurant.
00:34No more talking until I've had my coffee. And after that, still no more talking.
00:45Why are you so chipper?
00:46Because big things are happening this morning.
00:48Don't talk about my dick in front of Violet. Makes her uncomfortable.
00:51He said big things, not tiny disease-ridden things.
00:54I'm warning people I see, but I'm glad you're here because guess what I got?
00:57Magic sandals!
00:58What? No, I'm not-
01:00Is it a dog? Did you get us all a little dog for like the little office dog?
01:05No. Please stop guessing.
01:07Is it Ninja Stars?
01:08So after we got banned from selling Crime City 7, I thought we were finished.
01:12But then I found these.
01:21Arcades! For passive income!
01:23Wow. Those are so fucking cool.
01:27Really?
01:27No.
01:28Let's get up with the amino acid.
01:36Here we go.
01:37All you know needs to be replaced by Michael Gre Megan.
01:54Let's jump!
01:55Let's jump!
01:57Let's go!
01:57game hey they're not trash okay yeah i did find them on the side of the road but ah the
02:04side of
02:05the road nature's treasure trope you know my mom wouldn't buy me a queen-size bed because she said
02:09give me an ego but then the street provider you sleep on a street mattress dude that probably has
02:15bed bugs oh it definitely has bed bugs don't worry don't worry i'm immune my doctor said that i have
02:21weird blood so even the bugs hate it why aren't we more hyped about this i mean this is like
02:26a sign
02:26from the universe no it was a sign from sanitation that it's trash day idiot okay what makes
02:31us special uh your extra chromosomes no our appreciation for the good old days of gaming
02:38og consoles old school games that's why i decided to make game bros retro why would anyone want to play
02:43these two-bit dumpster fires when you can play an fps and headshot fuckers with an mtz 556 hold on
02:49it says here there's a capacitor problem with these arcade machines leading to a screen malfunction
02:54which caused seizures in some individuals that's pretty cool zach you should play one
02:58that's not a thing you can't believe everything you read on the news jake these are discontinued even
03:02better we're the only ones that have it exclusively retro that's one way to look at it well if we're
03:08going retro then why isn't violet in the kitchen making us sandwiches erin can you do something i would
03:13like a cheese sandwich exactly just when you get a chance a lot of cheese stop
03:20in and out and out through the mouth
03:26feel the air flow into your lungs
03:31and let your muscles hey hunter
03:38you ready for vegas baby i'm not going to vegas am i why would i be going to vegas
03:44because you're about to get a chunk of money we're about to blow it and by blowing i mean
03:51sing it with me go on drugs and hookers drugs drugs dude i don't know what you're talking about
03:57i talked to bruno deal's done man no the deal is not done i told bruno we're not selling i
04:03hate to
04:03break it to you brosif but that is not what bruno thinks did you shake hands
04:11why are you so upset man this is what you wanted i absolutely did not want to be in a
04:17deal with the
04:17albanian mob and i don't want to sell anymore bruno is on his way to you i am working in
04:23here
04:23do i interrupt you when you're the gardener sorry i gotta go
04:31feel the air breathe in flow into your lungs
04:36and out
04:43oh my god lazy i'm night shamala level plot twist if that means i've been dead all along it would
04:51be
04:51the best news in weeks oh poor baby oh god you're making me feel so maternal mama's gonna help you
05:00and i'm gonna give you some motherly advice pro bono everyone everywhere is trying to steal from you
05:11always that's not true it's not
05:16that that's my credit card i lost this last week no i stole it last week
05:24you know once we get these bad boys up and running we're gonna be drowning in quarters
05:30anything nope
05:33you know someone who's pretty good at this thing is lance i don't need help i i watch six youtube
05:40videos so
05:41well if you change your mind he would come by to help you no thank you got this it's easy
05:46just need
05:47to ow i'm stuck violet i'm stuck i'm calling lance i don't need lance
05:56see got out of there
06:02i'll just explain to him that it's just one big misunderstanding and he'll totally get that right
06:06not likely well i never signed anything so he can't force a sale uh he can okay i'll just call
06:12the cops snitches get stitches okay well how about you help me come up with some ideas then i could
06:16get
06:17you like a completely new identity i actually have a few ready to go how do you feel about the
06:21name diane
06:22next idea have you considered murder i don't know what to tell you those are my best two ideas
06:30elliot there's some npc here for you yeah bring him back do i look like your
06:34fucking secretary do it yourself oh my god bruno whoa enemy dropping in the a.o i told you to
06:40wait your ass out there erin it's it's okay thanks uh you're dismissed bruno just the guy i wanted
06:48to see can i get you a drink i have uh water so uh funny um i don't think we're
06:55on the same page you
06:56see uh we don't have a deal i've decided we're not gonna sell the store yes you are we had
07:02handshake
07:03and the only thing able to remove albanian hand agreement is albanian head removal what i mean huh
07:10what bruno why do you even want this shithole bruno will level with you my family want this place
07:17to launder money oh you could not have picked a better place i mean there is literally zero
07:22traffic physically no sales and history of incompetent management my family want to use
07:29game bro for illegitimate business but but bruno want to use it for legitimate business i love video
07:37games huh shooters stabbers cutesy farm simulators all of it i i have dream to own game store no
07:46don't don't don't oh don't bruno don't do this to me and my brother it's our dream mostly his dream
07:55but also kind of mine too now so if you get your dream we lose ours okay i'm okay with
08:05this i want
08:07my dream and not yours yes oh no no fuck fuck no oh no oh i guess that's just the
08:15way it is
08:16huh well can you let me break it to my brother please that is acceptable you have one hour whoa
08:22uh that's that's not enough time he's uh i need to break it to him gently he's very sensitive i
08:28will
08:28be here until it is finished i just uh can't really have you hanging around the store then we uh
08:33should
08:33start albanian head removal process yes fine that won't be necessary i will be new intern
08:41i will pretend i am here to learn how to game bro when silently i am shaking you down your
08:46employees
08:47will teach me everything i need to know and then i will fire them american dream no yeah i mean
08:52i'm
08:53not really sure how the team will buy the story that's another handshake oh my god the albanian american
09:00international employee cultural exchange i buy it i've watched enough shows on tlc to pretty much
09:06believe anything don't we have to send someone to albania i am not taking any questions right now
09:12look he just needs to learn how to work here so he can show his family how to open up
09:16a store similar
09:17to this one yes very similar to this exact store or he can squad up with zach i don't like
09:24his accent
09:25sounds russian and after the mw2 airport massacre i trust no russian happy to oblige you came at the
09:33right time my friend black friday's right around the corner and we got us to learn oh we all have
09:38this holiday in our country also uh how many witches will we burn we will start with this one big
09:45joker
09:46this guy bruno please don't burn anyone and as for the rest of you get back to work enjoy your
09:54jobs
09:56you never know how long you'll laugh
10:00i don't like you but if you want to set her on fire let me know i'm down
10:06don't look at me fresh meat huh i've been waiting for an underling to come around
10:11you know in pretty much any scenario i'm a bottom but today i'm a power bottom not sure you know
10:17what
10:17that means it means i can control the depth of my penetration yep you get it but no penetration today
10:23you are my bitch and and you're gonna go get me a soda fresh meat bitch fresh meat boy you
10:30are
10:31actually an intern right yes i will go fish soda for sickly child look at us he's in the new
10:40guy
10:40well what should we do next uh should we should we spank his little butt what
10:48these things wouldn't get turned on if your mom was sitting on their face so you're calling my mom
10:52hot what no no you just basically said nothing could turn these things on even my mom's sitting
10:58on their face oh my god uninstall jakey boy v said you needed my help with this or uh no
11:06don't don't
11:07know why she called you i have everything under control dude these are some sick cabbies muchacho i
11:12haven't seen mrs muncher in years dude if you get this up and running you're drowning in quarters
11:16yeah that's what i said dope i mean must be why v likes you so much you're a reminder of
11:19me
11:21so uh you've been inside her yet what no no we're just friends she's an employee dude i'm talking about
11:28the machines oh my gosh that is sick though you can manage to be v's friend dude i could never
11:33be
11:33friends with a chick that hot look lance i'm sorry you came all the way down here for nothing but
11:37seriously i i i already figured it all out i was just getting ready to plug it in now so
11:47oh everything turned off why are the lights off oh do you want to play weird as my finger
11:58cock blocked by a robust power grid oh hey um question while you're down here when bruno comes
12:07on do you think that he'll be cool with me going in on this money laundering thing because let me
12:12tell
12:12you what i have come into some money recently and it is dirty stop stop just stop can you just
12:18actually
12:19go you are the opposite of helpful and some of the things that you have said are very concerning
12:24you fight for your rights sweetie
12:28thanks for helping oh dude no sweat i love these things takes me back i mean anytime someone would
12:34have like a birthday party at a bowling alley or whatever i would just park my ass in the arcade
12:37honestly same favorite arcade game ever on three one two three it's a tie between time crisis two and
12:45over capcom two two no way are we best friends i wouldn't go that far i mean that was that
12:51was
12:51crazy but um i guess you're not so bad dude you gotta come party with me and my boys this
12:56weekend
12:56my homie chaz loaded he's got all this banned liquor and a golden toilet you can throw up in yeah
13:01yeah
13:02i'll uh i'll think about it i mean he kind of like needs a head count so
13:10yeah i've been on 13 tours and had over a hundred thousand confirmed kills what's your kitty he's
13:17very impressive i have killed nine people and died zero times zero deaths bro you're a
13:23fucking beast um what are you doing this is skill-based matchmaking you don't belong in this lobby booty
13:31we will rig quarter machine to give two quarters per dollar then when they complain we say machine
13:38gave quarters did not say how many headshot biatch jake's not gonna go for that it's not jake's choice
13:45what do you mean by that bruno what are you doing get over here now king call me i must
13:53continue intern ruse
13:57you did just hear him say ruse and that really weird thing about jake right you are like playstation
14:02ai in the chat no one wants you here fucking leave i've done all i can this thing is
14:11fucked speaking of fucked i'm taking violet to get a smash burger you want to join uh and i'm not
14:17hungry thanks okay see you chaz's later i'll hit you up hey babe let's go smash hey bro got a
14:28sec oh
14:28wait okay you know violet's lame boyfriend he might not actually be lame and i think we might be friends
14:33that'll make it a little difficult for you to cuck him i would not portray somebody that i care about
14:38i want some heartless jerk yeah good guy so what'd you want to tell me um i'm hungry oh great
14:49let's
14:50get some smash burgers oh no no you you don't have to do anything you you at all actually no
14:55i know hey
14:56no onions i got you man no jake you don't have to do that jake
15:07have you betrayed your game brother yet any minute he just needed to eat don't want to break
15:15his heart on an empty stomach you know but soon very soon soon is good bruno is patient man
15:27but bruno is also not patient man
15:41what the
15:52are you crying no just onions on the burger there are no onions on that burger i know
16:02okay i don't really have the capacity for emotion elliot seriously who is that new guy
16:07he's just a new intern okay very legit okay sure i'm just gonna ask jake no no no don't okay
16:12okay i'll
16:14tell you i accidentally sold the store to the albanian mom what it was a misunderstanding and i tried to
16:20stop it but it's the literal mafia and i've lost control of the situation that's the truth and i
16:28haven't told jake yet wow yeah i'm fucked i'm fucking fucked yeah that's a lot
16:39uh actually i'm just gonna let you deal with that and i'm probably gonna just pretend like i don't know
16:45that information
16:51which looks pissed you should burn her before black friday listen bruno about the whole albanian
16:58handshake thing not now i am on very big intern quest do you know where i find the snizzard snizzard
17:05i
17:06need to find this snizzard and bring to pig king or else i know become real game bro zach is
17:11messing with you there's no such thing as a snizzard it's like a made-up creature it's like a prank
17:17do you know what a prank is peaking light to me yeah i'll i'll talk to him he made me
17:23look like an
17:23idiot childhood you know i wish i could go back are you done talking because i called in an airstrike
17:29in the bathroom go clean it up that's bruno's job now yeah i'm not the bottom anymore i'm the power
17:36bottom well then i guess bruno should go clean up all this shit from my power bottom no wow turn
17:43off cold-blooded you fucking creep no no maybe i didn't make myself clear you were clear i found
17:51the snizzard what you did a little well like lizard with the this the wings and the little the little
17:59penis they filmed it what the fuck is this nizzard in our dungeon i mean it's a crawl space but
18:08in my
18:08mind it's a dungeon and that's where sassy little boys go uh so you don't want to end up down
18:13there so
18:13if i were you i'd clean the bathroom sneezered is there oh go i don't need to why are you
18:21touching me
18:22yeah yeah i'll go down because i want to my body my choice no snizzard so this is
18:30say hello to snizzards no no no no no it's gonna hear me it's sound drop here no now you
18:35are sassy
18:36little boy in dungeon no more lies well guess this is what my ancestors went through
18:45uh uh who the hell are you that's a new intern he's got a big fat kd bruno is not
18:51intern
18:51i am boss this is my store whoa bruno man eager beaver over here am i right guys oh man
19:00i smell of
19:01corrosion just tell him jake he owns the store now elliot got in over his head and sold him the
19:09store
19:09what holy we're spawn swapping
19:15i fucked it um in his defense he was actually trying to fuck you over with someone legit he didn't
19:23mean to ruin your life with the albanian mafia yeah how was that in my defense i knew you were
19:29a spy
19:30i never forget no rushing yeah no i say no to you i don't care that you're mafia
19:42doc for sale baby baby i see what you're doing i would hold off on the big dick energy until
19:47you've
19:47heard the alternative because it is beheaded it is done deal this is mine and that and that
19:58you betrayed me game bro slaughtered your dream to make way for the mine so now your dream is my
20:06dream and so is this and that and this is mine it's mine everything was going so well
20:19we had the whole retro thing going for us i made a friend today this is mine i was supposed
20:24to puke
20:25in the gold toilet at chas's house wait you know chas it's mine this is mine
20:33you have to do something stop it dude i've tried there's nothing
20:40oh that's gonna buck his kd well that'll work holy
20:43shit the gang gave him a seizure
20:48jake wait
20:55jake
21:00jake
21:02jake
21:02what do you want to do you want to fight me
21:05i i won't fight back you can just have at it yes elliot i want to beat the
21:08shit out of you okay but every time i turn up my little brother in his place being a dick
21:12somehow
21:13i get in trouble or i get hurt well it's because you fight like a toddler i don't care okay
21:17look
21:18i thought this was going to bring us closer i know i get it i suck i'm a terrible brother
21:22i know
21:23i should have told you about this and that was stupid but i really thought we could make this work
21:27we still can i'm not giving up um if you two are done giving each other blumpkins you should get
21:34your asses in here you're never gonna believe this shit oh no no no pobrecito no es cierto muchacho
21:41es una tonteria
21:46he woke up speaking spanish and remembers nothing why am i not surprised that lacy speaks spanish she
21:51told him he was a customer who passed out in our store and we've never met him bro you called
21:56in a
21:56fucking nuke with that trash arcade it's a fucking sign dude a good one aren't you glad i work here
22:03you don't work here yes top of the leaderboard
22:07whoop hey job biatch
22:14nena hermosa tienes un queso
22:16nena hermosa
22:26what the fuck is that no no no guys guys guys
22:56you
22:57you
22:59you
22:59you
23:02you
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