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Watch Free Bert Season 1 Episode 1 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:05Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rob, happy birthday to
00:22you.
00:31Thank you guys so much for celebrating me tonight. It means the world to me. But now, the entertainment
00:38part of the night. America's favorite party boy comedian, the genius Bert Kreischer!
00:53Rob Lowe, everybody. Right? Right?
01:05Thank you. Thank you. It's so nice to celebrate Rob's birthday with you guys. I absolutely adore
01:11this man. He's one of the greatest guys I've ever- Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
01:18Do it again. Do what?
01:21The shirt thing. Just put it back on, take it off again. You want me to do it again?
01:24Yeah, yeah. It's my birthday. It's your birthday.
01:28Who's with me?
01:33Okay.
01:42Now.
01:43Let's get that shit out of here. Let's get it off.
01:48Take it off.
01:49Take it off!
01:51Take it off!
01:53Take it off!
01:54Take it off!
01:56Take it off!
01:57Take it off!
01:58Take it off!
01:58Take it off!
01:59Take it off!
02:03Take it off!
02:04It's all they wanted on?
02:05They flew me out of here for this so I can take my shirt off 15 fucking times?
02:08I'll catch up with y'all in a second.
02:10I'll see you at drop-off, Brie.
02:11Hi, girl.
02:12Are you even listening to me?
02:13What are you doing right now?
02:14I met a new parent orientation, Bert.
02:16This place is so incredible.
02:18Especially the LD department.
02:20Isla is going to thrive here.
02:21This is what I'm talking about.
02:23I should be there with you guys.
02:24Helping the girls get situated.
02:26Partying with other dads and shit.
02:27No, it's okay.
02:28Really, I got it.
02:29And I'm missing it for this?
02:30To be a stripper for Rob Lowe?
02:32Hey, Dasha.
02:33Leanne.
02:33Are you sure we met at drop-off the other day?
02:36No?
02:37Did you just get dissed by another mom?
02:38Yeah, these bitches don't mess around.
02:40I hate to say it, honey, but we might have to up our game if we want to fit in
02:44here.
02:44Up our game?
02:45Ho, ho, ho.
02:46We are who we are and we have to embrace that.
02:48If they don't like us for who we are, then fuck them.
02:50I don't know.
02:50Sometimes you gotta get along to get along, honey.
02:53But we gotta maintain our dignity, right?
02:55Pretty boy!
02:55You got one more shirt rip in ya?
02:57Jesus Christ, this guy's insatiable.
02:59Yeah, sure thing, Rob.
03:00Give me one second.
03:00I'm just wrapping up.
03:01Alright, I gotta go.
03:02I love you.
03:02Yeah, I...
03:03Hello?
03:05Man, thank you so much for coming up.
03:06You crushed it.
03:08Of course, dude.
03:09Happy to do it.
03:09Oh my God, you are a funny, funny man.
03:13If you take that shirt off, oh my God!
03:17How did you come up with it?
03:20The shirt?
03:21Yeah, yeah.
03:23Well, you know, I guess I'm more comfortable without a shirt.
03:29Why?
03:30Makes no sense, right?
03:32Here's what I'm wondering.
03:34What if you cut all the other stuff way down?
03:38You mean the jokes?
03:39The filler.
03:40Yeah.
03:41I mean, is it really necessary?
03:43I mean, it's really just a race to get the shirt off, no?
03:47And then a race again to put it back on so you can take it off again?
03:51Yeah, I don't know if I ever looked at it like that.
03:53I mean, I don't know why you're not busting that motherfucker off 20 times a show.
03:58I don't know if my whole set could be that.
04:00Can it not?
04:01I mean, that's what's got them rolling in their seats.
04:04And you know why?
04:05Because it's universal.
04:08Shirtless fat guy.
04:09I mean, it transcends language, transcends culture.
04:14It's funny in China.
04:15It's funny in Indonesia.
04:17It's funny in a random mud hut in Mozambique.
04:19Yeah.
04:20Yeah, that's true.
04:22But I think people are coming to see me for more than me just taking my shirt off.
04:27Hmm.
04:27Maybe.
04:28Maybe.
04:29But I think you need to ask yourself, would they still come if you didn't?
04:36Anyway, food for thought.
04:58Liyaa!
05:13All right, girls, come on, get your stuff, let's go.
05:16Hey, what the fuck's going on here?
05:18Where are you guys going?
05:19Uh, we have school.
05:20Oh, wow.
05:21I heard Rob Lowe treated you like a piece of meat.
05:24He didn't treat me like a...
05:26Who told you that?
05:27Mom.
05:28Well, I didn't say it in so many words.
05:30I think I used more of, like, a dancing monkey analogy.
05:32Thanks, hon.
05:33You're not so upset about that, are you?
05:35I'm not upset, but I'm just in my head about it.
05:37It's like, he flew me out, we had drinks, he laughed hysterically,
05:41he says I'm his favorite comedian, but I don't think he knows I do stand-up comedy.
05:45Hey, hey, hey, don't let Rob Lowe get in your head.
05:48But is that how people see me?
05:49Is that why they come to my shows?
05:51You know what?
05:51You're spinning out.
05:52You just need to get out of your head, take a break, focus on something else.
05:57Like what?
05:58I don't know, anything.
05:59Like you guys?
05:59No.
06:00I mean, yeah, sure.
06:02Yeah.
06:02You're like, hang on, that does make sense.
06:04When you think about it, there's a lot going on in this house.
06:07New school and stuff.
06:08Well, I don't know if that's the specific.
06:10No, when you're right, you're right.
06:11It's a good point.
06:12Here's what I can do.
06:12Get more hands-on with the family, right?
06:14Dump all this manic energy on you guys.
06:16Oh, what?
06:17Yeah.
06:18Wait, why do you look hot?
06:19I told you I'm up in my game.
06:21We need to fit in at this school, okay?
06:24I'm going to get involved.
06:25We're going to make friends.
06:27We're all going to play nice.
06:28What's the fun in that?
06:30Do you want to learn how to read?
06:31Yeah, like ever.
06:34Wow, we're going there.
06:36I have a learning disability.
06:38Oh, here we go.
06:39And you guys are shaming me for it.
06:41What the actual fuck?
06:42Hey, hey, hey, we've got to tone that back.
06:44And we've got to go.
06:45We don't want to be late for drop-off.
06:46Hold on.
06:47Can I do it?
06:48Let us leave.
06:49Please, I need this.
06:50Okay, I've got it.
06:52Look, you're exhausted.
06:53No, I want to go.
06:55Oh, you don't want me to go.
06:57You guys didn't even wake me up.
06:58You were going without me regardless.
07:00You think I'm going to fuck it up, don't you?
07:02I just don't want to mess up a good thing, you know?
07:04It's like with any relationship.
07:05You leave with your best stuff,
07:06and then once you get in,
07:07you slowly reveal the ugly side.
07:10On the ugly side?
07:11Obviously.
07:12Guys, guys, what are we talking about right now?
07:14This is fucking drop-off.
07:16How can I fuck up drop-off?
07:17I'm sure I can find a way.
07:18Yeah, you'll figure it out.
07:20Stop it.
07:20I'm going.
07:21I'm doing drop-off.
07:22I can do this.
07:23I will do this.
07:24Can I please do this?
07:26Please, can I do drop-off?
07:27No.
07:28Please, come on, come on, come on.
07:29I should drive at this point.
07:30Give me the keys.
07:32No, no.
07:34Are you fucking serious?
07:35Do I need a shirt?
07:36Yes.
07:36Yes.
07:37Oh, my God.
07:38Yeah, you need a shirt.
07:42Oh, wow.
07:43This school is fucking nice.
07:45Isla, how much is tuition?
07:47Mom told me not to tell you, so I can't.
07:48Sorry.
07:49Should I follow this around?
07:50Yeah.
07:51Oh, cool.
07:52There's a black kid.
07:54Oh, all right.
07:56Do I get out, or is this it?
07:57This is definitely it, Tash.
07:59Okay.
08:00I'm getting out.
08:11What's going on with her?
08:13Why's no one talking to her?
08:14Because she's a major loser and has no friends.
08:16Really?
08:17Mom didn't tell me about that.
08:19Oh, Mom.
08:20Bless her heart.
08:21She tries her best, but she doesn't have your fastball.
08:22No.
08:28The fuck?
08:33Who's this bitch?
08:36That's Kirsten Vandersal.
08:38Pretty much runs the joint.
08:41Miss Barkley, it's three years running.
08:43Sounds important.
08:45Who's the stud with her?
08:4612 o'clock.
08:47Zach Hodge Kiss.
08:50Model looks, but personality, total dead.
08:52They've been together since 6th grade.
08:55Hmm.
08:56Wow.
08:56Blowing right past her.
08:58Does anyone at this school know I'm her dad?
09:00Maybe I should take a lap.
09:01No, no.
09:02I don't think that'll move the needle at all.
09:04Is there any other dad here that's been on Kimmel six times?
09:07Look, obviously, I love your shit.
09:09I talk you up in every circle.
09:11But these kids, man, they live in a different world.
09:14Operate on different platforms.
09:15Okay.
09:16I'll call my agent.
09:17Get on a Twitch, get on a live stream, talk her up, make her popular.
09:20Bob's your uncle.
09:20It's not that easy.
09:21Even if you could get on one, you'd have no idea what you're doing.
09:24It's a whole different animal.
09:25Please.
09:25You don't think I can handle it?
09:26Okay.
09:27Say I didn't warn you.
09:28Okay.
09:28Hey, have a great day.
09:29I love you.
09:30I love you!
09:31I fucking love you!
09:33I fucking love you!
09:34I fucking love you!
09:36Drop off successful.
09:40The Nappy Boy Radio Podcast, live with your boy.
09:45Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
09:48So, have we started?
09:50Huh?
09:51Is this it?
09:52Is it streaming?
09:53Oh, yeah, for about 30 minutes now.
09:55For real?
09:56Oh, yeah.
09:56I appreciate you putting me on, man.
09:58You're really big over at Barclidge Academy, where my daughter's at.
10:01What's that?
10:02My daughter's just, we should probably talk a little bit about her.
10:04Oh, shit, I just got a text.
10:06Eighth grade, Georgia Chrysler.
10:07Hold on, yep, send him in.
10:09Hey, send him in.
10:10We got a guest coming in.
10:12Hey, what's up with my boy?
10:16How you doing?
10:17Absolutely.
10:18You know what the game's all about.
10:20Everybody's all about it.
10:20Hey, man, y'all already know Pac-Man up in there.
10:23Big for real, though.
10:23Smelmy!
10:24Hell, yeah.
10:25Pac-Man, you know Park, right?
10:26Hell, yeah.
10:27How you doing?
10:27I'm a comedian.
10:28You know what I'm saying?
10:28Nice to meet you, brother.
10:29Big fan.
10:30I'm a huge fucking fan.
10:31You guys got kids?
10:34My daughter had just transferred into Barclays, eighth grade.
10:37Cool.
10:37Remember those days?
10:38Good luck, my boy.
10:39Right.
10:40Walk right in there.
10:41Handjobs, 13th, and break.
10:44That's the way it starts.
10:45You know what I mean?
10:46I don't know about that.
10:47Can we edit this?
10:49No, this is live.
10:50This is live.
10:51Just give me a second, because we've got to switch gears.
10:52I've got to ask him a question.
10:54Like, what's the shirt situation?
10:55God, it's so funny.
10:57I'm actually going through, like, a little bit of a questioning.
11:01I did a private party for Rob Lowe, and he, do you know what I'm saying?
11:05I almost fired.
11:06I have no idea who the fuck that is, but do not listen to fucking Rob Lowe.
11:09Don't listen to Rob Lowe.
11:10Yeah, fucking Corey Feldman told me to stop doing cocaine.
11:13You think I did that?
11:13No, the fuck you talking about?
11:15The fuck is wrong with you?
11:16Hey, but on the real, though, don't question that shit, bro.
11:19It's fucking gangsta.
11:20For real?
11:21Yes, bro.
11:21That's what I need to fucking hear.
11:23You ain't got no fucks to give.
11:24Zero fucks.
11:25No fucks.
11:25Zero gang.
11:26No shirt gang.
11:27I'm fucking fucking fucking.
11:30No, no, no, no, no, no.
11:57No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
12:00Georgia, is it?
12:01Um, yeah.
12:02Kish and Vanderthal.
12:03This is Cameron, Lexi, and Fiona.
12:05Hi.
12:06Some hot gossip going around about you.
12:08Word is you've never given a handjob.
12:11What?
12:12What are you talking about?
12:13Where'd you hear that?
12:15Oh my God.
12:16Wait, she doesn't know.
12:19Know what?
12:31my daughter does not jerk dudes off I can promise you that if someone broke in our house
12:48wow there's a lot of rules what is this mind comp I know but it's so good for them especially
12:55Isla they
12:56have this mindfulness mobility program where they teach them how to meditate Isla meditate in complete
13:03silence good luck with that you went on a live stream and said I've never given a ham job are
13:09you kidding me oh boy well you haven't have you that's not the point maybe it was a joke yeah
13:15I
13:15think as a comedian he should be free to go there painters gotta paint thank you okay well I hope
13:20it
13:20was worth it because Kirsten Vanderthal and all her little friends are crushing me about it a lot of
13:24my friends are laughing about it too really it's playing with the younger crowd fuck yeah nice well
13:29no Vanderthal is in the Vanderthal Foundation the Vanderthal Equestrian Center yes yes yes my life
13:36is over okay you think any guys gonna want to talk to me now well it's actually not the worst
13:40thing in
13:41the world if guys are looking elsewhere for handjobs such bullshit Kirsten posted to fuck with me and now
13:45everyone's sharing it wow wow thank you dad well hang on that's crossing a line no no you crossed a
13:52line with your big fat mouth hey hey hey hey I think we're all crossing some lines here no babe
13:59this
13:59is a clear violation of the school's cyberbullying policy says so right here in the handbook con
14:04what do you think of big man how should we fuck with her start an online campaign and turn all
14:08our
14:08friends cancer and trash reputation no no popper on sires I like that no he's done enough I can find
14:14out where she lived and let's go keep your house no no I she's right we gotta do something
14:17Hila stop encouraging him or hey hey maybe we just leave it alone we don't want to rock the boat
14:23since when has Bert Kreischer left anything alone we're cutting his balls off here guys Hila you don't
14:28even know what that means so okay listen please just stay out of it okay I'm begging you the last
14:34time
14:35you got involved you got us kicked out of the school no we didn't get kicked out they asked us
14:39not to
14:40return very different well after they threatened us with their lawyers and stuff no no no no the family
14:44threatened us with lawyers the school was totally fine we had lawyers also this is so what
14:50make the call they're obviously too emotional but I'm thinking clearly thank you Hila wow oh she's
14:55right she's right yeah she's right
15:05you know what we're gonna play this one by the book I'm gonna call the school get the principal
15:11parents kids sit down and we'll get that little shit to take that fucking post down that's how
15:16we're doing it hey you don't need to go yeah that's a pussy man no that's not why I guys
15:21they wrote the
15:22rules all we're asking them to do is follow them new science lab looks good Miriam thanks to your
15:31generous donation oh we feel beyond blessed to be able to give back in such a significant way
15:36it's humbling oh so humbling and the uh tax write-off doesn't suck either oh I bet
15:43okay let's get to it I don't want to waste any more of Dr. Vanderthal's time yeah we certainly
15:48don't want to delay someone's ass lift oh he's joking well thank you both for meeting with us
15:57we wanted to talk to you because your daughter has maybe been approaching the line of what some might
16:05consider bullying might consider bullying please okay let's call it what it is I mean if we're okay
16:12with it and not write some rule in the handbook that we're not going to enforce because then
16:15what are we saying then really rules are just suggestions and we get to pick which ones we give
16:20a fuck about and don't give a fuck about because lady I cannot give a fuck way quicker than I
16:23can
16:23get you to give a fuck I can assure you no one's okay with bullying Mr. Kreischer yeah of course
16:29no
16:30he wasn't suggesting all I did was post a clip of my favorite comedian okay how is that bullying I'm
16:35having a hard time seeing that as well wait I'm your favorite comedian I was talking about T-Pain
16:40T-Pain's not a comedian hold on what are we doing here this is a bullshit I'm wondering if there
16:46might
16:46be some sort of a compromise here compromise on rules that's the whole point of a rule if we don't
16:53follow the rules then what kind of message are we sending to our children that if you're white
16:56and you donate a library and a Pilates studio that your daughter gets to do whatever the fuck
17:00she wants this jokes just kill me um Miriam I'm feeling a little triggered by all the money
17:07shaving yeah it's pretty egregious is that a violation in the handbook it might be I'm starting
17:12to think I'm the only one that read the goddamn handbook if I may I think emotions are running a
17:17little hot and maybe we should take who the fuck's this guy this is Dr. Jeff our school therapist
17:22oh sorry yeah specializes in unhinged parents excuse me what's up did you hear that I missed it
17:31the point is your daughter has unintentionally I'm sure humiliated Georgia hmm well actually I think
17:40your husband might have beat her to it when he talked about her waxing knobs on a podcast no I
17:45said she had never waxed a knob that's what I said and that is what I do I'm a comedian
17:49well
17:50you're not much of one with your shirt on anyway no seriously it's a great gimmick you know so much
17:56easier than relying on something silly like talent yeah oh you're trying to bully me now swing away
18:04sister you've never seen skin this thick well that's for sure was that a fat joke no no no I'm
18:09sure
18:09she didn't mean it like that did you Kirsten no no your mom's right I mean I was just being
18:15honest
18:15you know I've literally never seen skin ethic on a person before like ever in my life I'm sorry
18:22you think that I am his mom okay I'm a little lost on what the issue is it seems like
18:28Kirsten
18:28simply posted something she found amusing I don't see any reason why she has to take it down okay I
18:34think we're done here we're definitely done here I feel like this could have been an email let's go
18:38sweetie hi they're just gonna leave yeah great job dad you really sold that that was really good
18:45thank you oh Georgia Georgia Georgia you okay Mr. Kreischer yeah gangbusters look like Kirsten
18:57rattled you there a bit please I don't get rattled by middle school girls okay okay maybe I'm off
19:03yeah but if I'm not my door is always open I'm cool I'll start therapy at 50. well I don't
19:11think it
19:11would be a terrible idea for you
19:31so how'd it go today guys get Kirsten and take down that post not yet Ilo not even close he
19:37just
19:38made everything worse actually I haven't even been at the school what a week and you've already managed
19:43to ruin my life twice you think you're the only one hurting they called me fat they trashed my
19:49career and they insinuated that your mother was what in your mid to late 70s yep something like
19:54that those animals look I really think that we just need to drop it and try not to draw any
20:00more
20:00attention to ourselves I am all for that as soon as we get little miss Vanderkunt to come to her
20:06senses
20:06and if she doesn't what then you're gonna call her down to the headmaster's office again make more of a
20:12joke of yourself maybe maybe I will you got some problems dude you need to talk to somebody work
20:18your shit out they're all running a train on me in the principal's office and it's all led by this
20:25prick plastic surgeon dude you ever see a plastic surgeon's wife holy fucking shit what a cheat code
20:31you go to fucking school so you can marry a four and turn her into an eight you ever see
20:35a guy who has a
20:35passion project like a truck he works on that's his wife you know this guy who's home and tinkers with
20:40their titties there's not enough just a little more and tight fucking lips I guarantee you when
20:46she sucks his dick tight lips and a hallway of a throat I think it's sad that she got that
20:52much work
20:53done if you come in her face there's no surprise just no expression I bet sex with him is like
21:00getting
21:00your ears pierced you feel a little prick and it's over what is she jerk him off like this just
21:05grab it
21:07and rub the top just staring at him with that dead picture how can you tell if she consents during
21:17sex
21:17she can't move her fucking face is it okay if I fuck you in the ass can I put a
21:24finger in your ass
21:27I'm sitting in the principal's office with these two fucking cunts thinking where's a school shooter
21:31when you need one
22:10a you
22:13you
22:15you
22:15you
22:30Oh
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