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S02E02 >>> https://dai.ly/xa7d9ak
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00:04I'm nervous. I'm going to take it one step at a time. I'm absolutely petrified.
00:10Twelve virgins are travelling to a unique island retreat that could change their lives forever.
00:18This has made me the strangest day of my life.
00:21Being a virgin at the age of 22 feels very lonely. I've just sort of given up all hope.
00:28In a world saturated with sex, more young adults than ever are caught in an intimacy epidemic.
00:35The thought of having sex with someone scares me. It gives me the ick. I don't feel confident.
00:40I'm missing out. Terrified of the thought of it. Nerve wracking. Gut wrenching. Embarrassing.
00:45All I think about is what I'm going to get wrong. Can you point to the outer labia? Nope.
00:55Now, they're getting a crash course in intimacy.
00:59Social media, porn, dating apps. There are so many negative messages and we can help them blossom.
01:06Use it by stimulating the area.
01:08Guided by a team of experts.
01:10You see yourself as...
01:12Propulsive.
01:12They'll confront their insecurities.
01:15I'm hiding. How upset actually do you feel?
01:18Exploring intimacy.
01:21In every form.
01:23Yes, yes. Good.
01:26And maybe...
01:27Do you want to put a condom on?
01:29...have sex with a trained therapist.
01:31Desperate times call for desperate measures.
01:35Or even one another.
01:36Why are you nervous around me?
01:38I don't know.
01:39That's so good.
01:41I really do need to change my life.
01:43The question is...
01:45Get a room, guys!
01:46Who will finally be ready...
01:48Just, like, get a bit anxious.
01:51...to go all the way...
01:52Touching the hoopoe?
01:53Mm-hm.
01:54...on Virgin Island.
02:04It is such a beautiful day to show up on the island.
02:08It's perfect.
02:08For the next three weeks...
02:10Hi!
02:12Hi!
02:13This groundbreaking retreat will be home to 12 young people.
02:17Would you like a hug?
02:18Yeah, go on then.
02:20From all over the UK...
02:22Hello!
02:23You must be a T-girl.
02:24Yes.
02:25...who need help.
02:26Well, I didn't fall in the sea,
02:27so I've done better than I thought I was going to do.
02:30I've never kissed anyone.
02:32I've never dated anyone.
02:33I've never had sex with anyone.
02:34I am a grade A virgin.
02:37My life just can't go on like this.
02:39I just need to take your phone.
02:40Yes, of course.
02:42The retreat's rules include a full break from the pressures of technology.
02:46So you can just, like, dive in.
02:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:49You see sex everywhere.
02:51Sex sells is the old cliché,
02:53be it from social media, porn.
02:56But all I think on my mind is that I can't get an erection.
02:59Being a virgin at the age of 28,
03:01I feel almost a failure in many ways.
03:07The group will live on the island for three weeks.
03:10Oh, this is your recommendation.
03:13Totally cut off from the distractions of modern life.
03:16Go ahead and get settled.
03:17OK, there's clothes there.
03:20Including the pressures of their appearance.
03:22Oh, wow.
03:23They're giving off jungle vibes.
03:25I've always hated my body,
03:27and I've got badly bullied over it in the past.
03:30I'm terrified to be naked in front of someone.
03:34It does make me cry when I think about it.
03:37Yeah, it makes me really upset.
03:46Before the course begins,
03:48the group have a chance to get to know each other at the hangout.
03:51Hello.
03:53Callum.
03:54I'm Katie. Hi. Nice to meet you.
03:56Where are you from?
03:58Blackpool.
03:59From Peterborough.
03:59Peterborough?
04:01Yeah.
04:03Shithole.
04:05I literally don't do anything
04:07other than sit on my computer 24-7.
04:10I'm definitely addicted to gaming.
04:13I don't really interact with any girls.
04:15It makes me feel alone.
04:19Where are you from?
04:21Oh, so, born in the UK, but raised in South Africa,
04:24but live in the UK.
04:25I instantly don't trust men.
04:29Alex, nice to meet you.
04:30Hi.
04:30It makes me a bit sad,
04:32and I don't really know what to do about it, to be honest.
04:36So, how old are you?
04:38I'm 28.
04:39You're 28.
04:40I'm 23.
04:41I'm 22.
04:4226.
04:43I'm quite robotic with women.
04:45I've had no girlfriends.
04:48That's just a bit sad, isn't it?
04:49We've got another person.
04:51Hi.
04:52Oh.
04:52Hiya.
04:53With sexual intimacy, I feel a little bit broken.
04:58I can't have sex.
05:00I have a condition called vaginismus.
05:02If somebody tried to touch my vagina,
05:04it would be pain and it would be discomfort,
05:06and I'm living life in fear.
05:08The way that you're seen as a woman who can't physically have sex is like, what's the point?
05:18One of the reasons that people are not having sex is there's just a lot more self-consciousness.
05:22Everybody's being watched all the time, you know, by their parents, by social media, by their friends.
05:27Hello.
05:28So we're seeing a lot more people just not getting out there and connecting.
05:32There's lots of fear around being cancelled, and they're terrified of failing.
05:37But we got amazing results last time, and I have really high hopes for this new group of virgins.
05:44Hi, everyone.
05:45I'm Ellen.
05:46Nice to meet you all.
05:48How old are you?
05:50Um, 35.
05:52Wow.
05:53Only just.
05:54I don't want to get to 40 and still be the virgin.
05:59The expectation of, you're married, you've got kids, and at 35, I haven't got those things.
06:05I feel like a freak, really.
06:08And, like, I've, you know, let people down.
06:12Yeah.
06:13So is anyone else in the LGBTQ plus community?
06:17Obviously.
06:18Yeah, you can't look at me the only gay on the island.
06:21Trust me or not.
06:22I grew up in a very traditional town.
06:25There wasn't a lot of open queer people.
06:27When I knew I was bi, I didn't tell my parents.
06:31I was actually quite scared.
06:32I identify as bisexual, but I'm quite a late bloom.
06:37At school, it was a discussion about masturbation.
06:41I thought it was a game show.
06:43I thought it was mastermind.
06:45Hello.
06:46Hey.
06:47Hello, hello.
06:47My name's Ed.
06:48What's he?
06:49Do you want to know first?
06:50What's your star sign?
06:53That's always a question.
06:56I feel like an outsider a lot of the time.
06:58The big part of that is my disability.
07:01I was born without a right pectoral.
07:03Restricted movement in my wrist and my arm.
07:05It has impacted the way I am.
07:08I wouldn't have the confidence to talk to girls.
07:10I find it really hard.
07:14Well, hey.
07:15You're the last one.
07:16Oh, my name's Will.
07:17I've just turned 30.
07:18I'm a virgin.
07:21Being a virgin, it's like something I'm proud of.
07:23Something I experienced when I was younger is premature ejaculation.
07:27I fear that may still be an issue now.
07:29So I think when I have sex for the first time, it's going to be really quick.
07:34The idea of having sex is a faraway dream for me.
07:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:39I've never had a girlfriend ever.
07:40Same.
07:41One of the nicknames I have is Posh Bertie.
07:46I'm a very well-spoken individual.
07:49I've not told anyone that I'm a virgin, but I think people would guess, yeah, he's a virgin to me.
07:57Definitely feel one step behind everyone.
08:01Yeah.
08:02The group knows the weeks ahead won't be easy, but they have a determination to change their lives.
08:08Breathe into your own body.
08:12This unique course has been created by pioneering sex therapists Celeste and Danielle.
08:19And let it out.
08:22The ethos at the retreat is very supportive.
08:25There's so much for them to learn.
08:27We have new exercises, new experts and some special surprises.
08:35Supported by a team of sex therapists from across the globe.
08:40Trained in a range of touch-based therapies.
08:43Which finger would you like to enter me with?
08:45They'll address the group's anxieties.
08:48She is terrified of lowering the mask.
08:52And push them to their limits.
08:54Amazing.
08:57Hidden away on the island are dedicated therapy spaces.
09:01And private bedrooms where they'll begin to explore intimacy.
09:06I'm hoping that everybody gets to find out who they are as a sexual being, regardless of being a virgin.
09:12But it is going to be a huge challenge.
09:16Each phase of the course will challenge the group like never before.
09:25As they take their first steps towards...
09:30Sexual connection.
09:39And it all starts here.
09:41Oh my God.
09:43I'm so nervous.
09:44Yeah.
09:45Oh, welcome.
09:46By confronting one of the biggest barriers to intimacy.
09:54Shame.
09:57Welcome to Virgin Island.
10:00We're so excited to have you here.
10:02This phase is all about shame.
10:05Shame really interrupts pleasure.
10:09And so we are shame warriors.
10:12We want to wipe away the shame that gets in your way.
10:17If I could shake off the shame of being a virgin, I'd feel a lot happier in myself.
10:23I feel judged.
10:24And it's not something that I talk about, really.
10:31First, Celeste and Danielle will perform an intimate demonstration.
10:35Designed to reveal the group's level of awkwardness and shame.
10:39So, this demo is called Pillow Talk.
10:42Oh, God.
10:44There's a bed.
10:45Oh my God.
10:46I'm starting to feel a bit sick.
10:47Yeah.
10:48Terrified.
10:48We want to find out who's comfortable watching intimacy and the different kinds of talk and touch
10:54that come with romance, that come with passion, that come with erotic energy.
11:01Oh my God.
11:02Your eyes are so beautiful and sexy.
11:07And the way you hold yourself turns me on so much.
11:11I think I'm going to have to smell you.
11:19I feel so lucky.
11:24I feel like I'll touch you.
11:40Any feelings watching it?
11:47It's weird having to watch it with other people.
11:49It's a bit...
11:50Yeah.
11:51I think I just feel like a little bit guilty.
11:53I think, like, the idea of watching this and then being asked to, like, do that.
11:58That's, like, sinful.
12:03Growing up as a Christian, you kind of feel you should be one way, which is usually a very
12:08good way.
12:09I have to be kind.
12:10I have to be soft.
12:13But I have a sexual side to myself.
12:15It kind of brings on these feelings of shame and fear, because you feel you're doing something
12:21sinful for wanting to experience pleasure.
12:23And I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel right now.
12:28We all have ideas and judgment and what we think we should be.
12:32And all those interventions frees us up.
12:36The best way to work your way out of shame is to start to get a different reaction to shame.
12:45To help the group do that...
12:47You are going to get your scratch on.
12:50No.
12:51I ain't doing that.
12:52Celeste and Danielle start with a series...
12:55I am folding my arms.
12:57This is just so awkward.
13:00...of deliberately uncomfortable exercises.
13:03Now, I'm going to be choo-choo trained.
13:09I see myself as very socially awkward and sometimes weird.
13:17Shake it, shake it, shake it.
13:19I was diagnosed with autism.
13:21I get nervous.
13:23I get stressed.
13:24My eye contact goes all over the place.
13:26Being a virgin, you just feel very isolated and you feel very ashamed of yourself.
13:34After the warm-up, Celeste and Danielle raise the stakes with a more challenging physical exercise.
13:41So, I want a brave volunteer.
13:44Somatic therapy is not just focusing on the brain.
13:47It's helping people in a more physical, experiential way.
13:51I'll do it.
13:52Go on, Alex.
13:53Go on, Alex.
13:54For 28-year-old graduate Alex, going first is a chance to face his fears.
14:01Anxiety has played a massive part in my life.
14:03Going to private school, I put myself under a lot of pressure that if I didn't perform my best, I'd
14:08feel I'd let people down.
14:09I never really knew how bad it was until I tried to have sex and was too nervous to do
14:13it.
14:14Anything less than perfect is not good enough for me.
14:17So, I'm going to start by touching you for my pleasure and then you're going to touch me for your
14:23pleasure.
14:23I'm starting by connecting with myself and feeling my body.
14:49Want to try?
14:51Yeah, sure.
15:07Is that OK?
15:08Really feeling it in your body, that's what we're going for.
15:13After Alex's attempt, others step up to give it a try.
15:19You, like, do it a bit harder.
15:21Harder?
15:25While some get to grips with the exercise...
15:30How does that feel?
15:31It feels nice.
15:32Yeah.
15:33...others can't even bear to watch.
15:46Are you OK?
15:49Are you OK?
15:55You can all stand clean if you want.
15:57It's OK.
15:57Are you all right?
15:58Yeah.
16:07Anyone else want to give it a try?
16:13Counting one.
16:15Counting two.
16:18Counting three.
16:20No.
16:22Oh, my God.
16:24That's hard.
16:26Personally, that was a little bit creepy.
16:28I need to be able to be confident in myself to do the whole touching exercise.
16:31I believe the cool kids call it riz.
16:34I need to have good riz.
16:36At the start, like, when they was doing all the...
16:39All that, yeah.
16:40I thought we'd have to do that to each other.
16:42I was genuinely...
16:44Not today.
16:45That's intense for our first workshop.
16:47To throw yourself in as much as possible to experience, like, all these cringe things and embarrassing things was a
16:51struggle.
16:52Joy, if you don't mind me asking, why, um, was it so hard for you, the whole touching thing?
16:57Why did you get, like, a bit of a reaction to it?
17:00Mm-hmm.
17:01You not want to talk?
17:02Yeah, not really.
17:03No, no worries.
17:04That workshop was such an emotionally intense experience.
17:08To come on the island day one and be expected to have some kind of erotic energy is a really
17:13hard thing for me.
17:14I didn't realise how uncomfortable that might make me feel.
17:18Um, next time, I would walk out.
17:31So beautiful.
17:33Yeah, it is, isn't it?
17:34Oh!
17:35Come here, come here, Lizzie!
17:37Oh, my God!
17:38I've never seen Lizzie before.
17:40Eww!
17:41Oh, I don't like it.
17:42Come out at night and nibble you.
17:44I might have to tuck my trousers into my socks in case it crawls up my leg.
17:48Yeah, and he's gone.
17:51It's halfway through day one on Virgin Island.
17:54I don't want to name exact figures, but I think it was, like, one in eight people were virgins at
17:5825.
17:58So, in a room this big, it's, like, one and a bit people.
18:01Well, I think in this room it'd be four times.
18:04On an island, on a virgin island.
18:15It's very interesting to see how they reacted to different exercises.
18:20Oh, they've got a one-on-one session here, guys.
18:23Oh, my God.
18:25Afternoons are dedicated to individual therapy sessions for those working through specific intimacy issues.
18:32I don't know if I feel more calm or more stressed.
18:35Yeah.
18:37Everybody has this fear, like, oh, my God, it's going to be so scary or uncomfortable.
18:40But you have to completely rewire your brain in order for change to really happen.
18:46Hi there.
18:47Hi.
18:49How do you feel?
18:50Kind of on edge, I guess.
18:52Mm-hmm.
18:53The more you can be honest and drop into your truth without too much humor.
18:57Yeah, I can't promise you that.
18:58That is going to allow us to go somewhere.
19:00Oh, I don't like this.
19:02I don't like crying.
19:03I feel like I just can't relax.
19:05I'm still really scared and I'm not sure why.
19:10Out of all the reactions from this morning, the experts were most struck by our joys.
19:16When Will and Marianne were touching, I could see her, some tears came out.
19:22She really struggled with that.
19:28Some came up for you today in the workshop.
19:30Well, I feel like I have this weight on my shoulders of, like, I'm a Christian.
19:33You have to be good.
19:35Yeah.
19:35And experiencing sexual pleasure for, like, for fun.
19:38Mm-hmm.
19:39How is that good?
19:40Yeah.
19:41But it isn't just feelings of religious shame that are holding joy back.
19:45I know I have a sexual side to me.
19:47Mm-hmm.
19:48But I have vaginismus.
19:51Vaginismus is a condition related to your pelvic floor and also has a psychological fear component
19:58around the idea of insertion or entry.
20:00The moment I realised that I had vaginismus, it was, like, this whole idea of a sector of my life
20:06that could be just closed up.
20:08I can't wear a tampon, I can't do a pap smear, and I definitely can't have sex.
20:13It's just, it's so hard.
20:16At one point, like, I literally thought that God cursed me with vaginismus.
20:20I thought he, like, I thought he did it to me to stop me from having sex.
20:23And I feel like it's hard to, like, undo that feeling.
20:30Maybe that first piece is about pleasure being good.
20:39I'm really tight.
20:40I'm really, like, anxious.
20:42I feel like I'm like, no, it's not, no, it's not, no, it's not.
20:45And that clench happens probably all the way into your vagina.
20:50So I want you to feel all of the tightness and the clenchedness, and then you can feel the contrast.
20:56Let's feel the clench.
20:58And then, ahhh.
21:08Like a little shakiness happened in your, did you feel it?
21:12Yeah.
21:13You know what that is?
21:14What?
21:14It's like a little tiny release of trauma.
21:17Oh, wow.
21:18From all the holding.
21:21You deserve to have that circuit of pleasure.
21:29Shame gets in the way of sexual intimacy, and you cannot get to the other side of shame until you
21:36expose it.
21:37I feel a bit, like, in shock.
21:39It was, it was quite intense.
21:40I just hadn't even realized all the tension I'd been holding in my body.
21:44It just made me realize, like, how much I need this experience.
21:51For a gold star lesbian, my mind's constantly in the gutter.
21:55What's a gold star lesbian?
21:56Gold star lesbian is someone who has never had sex with a man.
21:59Ah, okay.
22:00The thought of a penis going near me scares me in a way that's like, ew, get away.
22:04Nothing to do with you guys.
22:06No, no, it's cold.
22:06I get that.
22:07I'm like, anything below their tummy, I'm like, no.
22:10I mean, you probably all have amazing penises, I'm not saying that.
22:13Oh, my God.
22:15It doesn't matter, succumb so quick, don't matter.
22:22As the group starts to bond...
22:24Oh, this is really, like, giving hippie vibes, isn't it?
22:28Celeste and Danielle aim to push them further in the next exercise...
22:31Hello!
22:32Hello!
22:33..to help release their shame once and for all.
22:37All right, well, as we said, this part of the course is all about shame.
22:41What we want you to do is write in your notebooks
22:45all the negative things people say about you
22:47and all the self-critical thoughts you keep repeating to yourself.
22:52We really need to get them out
22:54so that we can take the power away from them.
23:00Be careful.
23:01The group have been sent off in pairs to share their shame words.
23:06It's difficult.
23:07Yeah, I'm not exactly an open book.
23:10People see me as fat, ugly.
23:13And as they identify their insecurities...
23:16I don't like how I'm not at all that good socially.
23:21It's why I've never been on a date before, really.
23:24Yeah.
23:25Their barriers come down.
23:27Ugly, unattractive to girls.
23:30Have been able to get a date in years.
23:32My anxiety, particularly around intimacy and interacting with women.
23:37I worry that I'm just not good enough.
23:44But 23-year-old Katie...
23:46Bad things people are saying about me.
23:48..is writing more than most.
23:51I was once labelled the ugliest girl in school.
23:53Oh, my God.
23:54Um, a whale, fat slash obese, ugly.
23:59A liar, monster disappointment.
24:02And frigid, because I've never gone with anyone before.
24:06Yeah.
24:08OK.
24:10I know how it feels to have something horrible said to me.
24:13Sometimes I look in the mirror to make myself upset,
24:17because I need a good cry, and it works.
24:20I don't think there's ever been a time
24:22where I truly have felt good in my looks.
24:27Ever.
24:28No.
24:29Are those things people have actually said about you?
24:31To my face or online, where I've seen.
24:34Online?
24:35Yeah.
24:35People that I know in person.
24:37Oh, my God.
24:37In my life.
24:38Yeah.
24:38I've commented publicly.
24:41Yeah.
24:42Oh, my God.
24:43I'm so sorry.
24:53Figuring out the words, though, is only half the exercise.
24:57How did you find that...?
24:59It was quite challenging.
25:00I was going to say the same.
25:01Yeah.
25:02It was quite hard.
25:03So, Joy, this one's for you.
25:05Now the experts want them to write their words down on a T-shirt
25:09to confront and let go of their self-doubt.
25:12I'm going to invite you to narrow down from all the things that you've written
25:17which ones hold the most emotion,
25:19so that you can create a T-shirt that's a symbol of all of that.
25:24Mm-hm.
25:27I'm scared that I'm going to get upset.
25:29Thinking back about all the memories and stuff from school
25:32and all the bad things that I got told
25:34and I say to myself, it's quite difficult.
25:40But I really do want to be able to get as much out of this as I can.
25:46It's scary, though.
26:03Good morning.
26:04Morning.
26:04Good morning.
26:05Good morning.
26:06Hey, you guys, how are we going?
26:07Morning.
26:08Ooh, we've got raisins.
26:10Don't tell me you're eating a lemon.
26:12I like lemon.
26:13Ah!
26:14It's the morning on Virgin Island.
26:18I'm really nervous today.
26:20And the sessions are set to become even more revealing.
26:23As we go through this phase,
26:25I do feel quite a big shame over myself.
26:29So I'm a little bit apprehensive.
26:32I was so nervous at first workshop.
26:33My heart was going.
26:34I didn't realise how nervous I was.
26:36Sex and intimacy are meant to be natural
26:38and experienced by lots of people and enjoyed,
26:40whereas me, I sort of feel scared of them.
26:42Let's go.
26:44I have no idea how far I'm going to go with this.
26:47You know, it's only going to get more intense from here.
26:53Having faced many hard truths...
26:55Hello!
26:57..Celeste and Danielle's next exercise
26:59will challenge the group even further.
27:02Oh, dear, was that bad?
27:04Oh, no.
27:06..with some exposure therapy, Virgin Island style.
27:10Society gives these negative messages to us
27:13about what it means to be a sexual being,
27:15so it's really important
27:16to get comfortable with intimacy.
27:21Today, you're going to be exploring erotic life drawing.
27:25Oh, darling.
27:27We're going to invite our lovely models.
27:30There they are.
27:31Here they are.
27:33The only time that I've seen vagina or boobs
27:36is off, like, Sticky Vicky when I went to Benidorm.
27:39That is probably the only time
27:40I've ever really seen it in real life.
27:43I've seen some images online
27:45and I'm like,
27:46oh, actually, penises are a bit ugly.
27:49I know the different parts
27:51and the names of the female anatomy,
27:54but, do you know,
27:55I genuinely don't think I've seen one in person.
27:59I'm the most white meat virgin
28:01you could possibly meet.
28:04Don't hide.
28:05Keep your eyes open and be curious.
28:23Oh, my God.
28:25So many naked parts right now.
28:27So I don't want you to worry
28:29about showing off your artistic talent.
28:31It's really about looking at a naked body
28:33and letting yourself feel the sensuality of that.
28:37Oh, my gosh.
28:38Oh, my gosh.
28:40Just roll.
28:43It's not a way to start this.
28:46Neither do I.
28:46Oh, we got this.
28:48We're expecting to see some discomfort,
28:52embarrassment,
28:53to be exposed to naked bodies.
28:56We can really see the comfort level.
29:00Stop making me laugh, Jason.
29:04Embarrassing.
29:08I can't tell you what's wrong.
29:11All I can see is vaginas and boobs.
29:17Whilst the sight of naked bodies
29:19has everyone giggling awkwardly...
29:21I really feel uncomfortable.
29:24..Ellen is struggling the most.
29:30Growing up, my parents would never talk about sex.
29:34And at the time, there wasn't the internet
29:36as there is now.
29:37I'm in my 30s.
29:39I am gay.
29:40And I've not had a relationship
29:42and I've not had experience around sexual intimacy.
29:46Sex, it's something that...
29:48..I feel anxious about.
29:53Don't want to do it.
29:55No-one is seeing mine
29:57because it is absolutely terrible.
29:59You don't have to show me what you don't want to do.
30:01One-second sneak peek.
30:02Done.
30:04Can I have a two-second sneak peek?
30:05No.
30:06So we really want to thank
30:08our beautiful models here.
30:13Do you have any thoughts that you want to share?
30:19I was instantly like,
30:20oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh,
30:21I shouldn't be watching this.
30:22I felt the discomfort of that.
30:24Yeah.
30:30It felt like you were literally watching, like, a group porno.
30:32I was like, oh, I want to look,
30:34but I was like, oh, it feels wrong to look.
30:35Yeah.
30:36Nudity felt a bit too soon for me.
30:40Despite being the oldest of the group...
30:43When you kiss someone,
30:44do you do it with your eyes open or your eyes closed?
30:47Please don't be that person.
30:49Ellen's lack of experience is clear to everyone.
30:55She was having a hard time to look at you.
30:57Yeah.
30:58I'm excited to have a session with her
31:00to introduce her to the first steps of intimacy.
31:04With a storm approaching,
31:06Ellen's feeling a little blustered.
31:09Hello.
31:10It's windy.
31:16Ellen.
31:17You have a sexy smile.
31:21Okay.
31:23Louie had a tiny, tiny little exchange of erotic energy.
31:27Yeah.
31:28Yeah.
31:28Okay.
31:28Did you feel it?
31:29Um, no, but I guess I don't know what that feeling is
31:34because I've not experienced it before.
31:37Yeah.
31:37Yeah.
31:44You know what I love?
31:46Awkward silences where you just look at each other.
31:49Okay, yeah.
31:56A lot of times that's what happens right before a kiss.
32:00Yeah.
32:02But I don't want...
32:04I don't want that to happen.
32:06No, we're not doing that today.
32:07We're just talking in a flirtatious way.
32:11What do you think?
32:13Um, I'm thinking I'm fine as long as you're on that chair
32:16and I'm on this chair.
32:17I'm staying over here.
32:18Don't worry.
32:24Bye.
32:28How was that, Ellen?
32:29Um, in my head I was like,
32:31okay, I'm going to jump in.
32:32And then when I got in there,
32:33I was like,
32:33all of a sudden,
32:34just like my body closed up.
32:38I don't like the idea of someone coming into my personal space.
32:43That's why I'm here.
32:44Like, I've never been very good at it.
32:46And I feel like a failure.
32:56Oh!
32:58So, are you into females, then?
32:59Oh, fine.
33:00I am a straight, heterosexual male.
33:03Nice.
33:04You are...
33:05You're bisexual, aren't you?
33:06Yeah, yeah.
33:08Do you know what?
33:09It was so weird.
33:10I had a dream last night of you guys.
33:11Mainly Alex.
33:12Weird.
33:14I can't wait to tell Alex.
33:16Hello.
33:17Did you know Katie dreamt about you last night?
33:20No, that's not really weird.
33:23So, what happened in the dream peak?
33:25She doesn't really know.
33:26I don't remember at all.
33:29Though Katie was dreaming of Alex,
33:31Alex, for him, yesterday's workshop was a nightmare.
33:35I demoed with him yesterday.
33:38I felt he was really frozen.
33:41He can be a little in his head.
33:43So, I'm curious if we're going through exercises,
33:46if he's just going to perform them,
33:48rather than, like, actually experiencing sensation and emotions.
33:52Yeah.
33:53What did it feel like when you, like, touched him?
33:56Panicky.
33:57I don't know how calm it looked, or how I looked,
34:00but, yeah, my heart was going, I was shaking a bit.
34:06So, Danielle's decided to dig deeper.
34:08Hello.
34:09Come on in.
34:10Into what's holding him back.
34:12I feel your heart beating all the way to here.
34:16Sex for me has always been quite a nervous thing.
34:19I've always had anxiety.
34:20I've always had performance anxiety, sports, homework, whatever.
34:23And so, the first time I tried to have sex,
34:25I couldn't get an erection because I was just too nervous.
34:27Mm-hmm.
34:28Not being able to get an erection,
34:30it's constantly playing on my mind.
34:32It feels embarrassing even to say it because it's like,
34:34oh, this is something that old people deal with.
34:37But I just feel, like, defeated by it.
34:41You spend a lot of time trying to control your body from your head.
34:44I want to invite you to start to let your body control
34:47as opposed to the opposite.
34:48Yeah.
34:49So, what I want us to do now is for you to touch me.
34:53Mm-hmm.
34:53And really let yourself enjoy.
34:56And do what feels good, yeah.
34:57What feels good to you.
34:59This time, Danielle wants to see if Alex
35:01can fully immerse himself in his sensations.
35:04Are you OK for me to start?
35:05Yes, please.
35:07OK, I'm going to start with your arm.
35:09Mm-hmm.
35:28Let me move down to your chest.
35:46Mm-hmm.
35:48Penny for your thoughts.
35:51The main overriding thing is still that worry
35:53of not getting an erection.
35:55but this is, like, the building blocks.
35:58So, I really want us to have soft goals
36:00as opposed to hard goals.
36:02No pun intended.
36:04Right?
36:05Because your full body is, like, a big erection.
36:08You know, like, a full body is a pleasure tool.
36:12It's not only your cock that's a pleasure tool.
36:16Do you get it?
36:17Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
36:18Yeah.
36:25What did you do?
36:26Just, yeah, mutual touching, really.
36:29But I think I went into it thinking,
36:30oh, yeah, she'll cure me
36:31and I won't feel anxious ever again around women.
36:34But you're not going to get cured on the first session.
36:36Yeah.
36:40Oh, well, you do it like that.
36:44Really?
36:44I thought it was like that.
36:46Whilst the others start to embrace island life,
36:49Bertie is finding it harder to adjust.
36:52OK.
36:53A mixture of all nerves.
36:55I don't like you sitting by yourself.
36:56I'm OK.
36:58I do feel like the weak link and the odd one out
37:01because I'm not very sociable.
37:03I'm still cautious.
37:04I'm still nervous.
37:06You OK, Bertie?
37:07I'm good. You all right?
37:08I'm all right.
37:08Yeah, I was going to go brush my gums and do a dance.
37:11But what on earth am I going to be like
37:13in the days to come
37:15when it gets more challenging and more intense?
37:19This whole island is...
37:22It's not just Virgin Island.
37:24It's unpredictability island.
37:36You know what most women say is the length
37:39they want to have sex for?
37:42Four and a half minutes.
37:44Four and a half?
37:45Yeah.
37:45No.
37:46They want to have sex?
37:47No, surely not.
37:48Yeah, they want sex, the actual P and V,
37:51to be four and a half minutes.
37:52Really?
37:52What's P and V?
37:54Penis and vagina.
37:56Oh.
37:57That's good to know.
38:02It's mid-afternoon on Virgin Island.
38:06Bertie!
38:06Are you all right?
38:07I don't know.
38:08When everyone's all together,
38:09it just gets a bit awkward for me, you know.
38:11I like my...
38:12Oh, my God, I nearly fell off.
38:13I like my...
38:15My space a bit more.
38:16I'm just going to just take it easy for a bit, yeah?
38:18OK, I'll see you soon.
38:19No worries.
38:20In terms of sex, I've got no clue,
38:23which is pretty embarrassing
38:25coming from someone who's 24 years old.
38:28But I don't want to be alone in my whole life.
38:31I just want to be able to live normally
38:34and just find more confidence in myself.
38:40Hi.
38:41Celeste aims to start Bertie's route to intimacy
38:44by helping him with connection.
38:47Hello.
38:48Oh, hello.
38:52How do you feel about eye contact?
38:55Ah-ha, I knew that was going to come out.
38:56I am terrible at it.
38:57Yeah.
38:58My eye contact goes all over the place,
39:00no matter who I'm talking to.
39:02Well, I do feel like you think a lot.
39:05I am an overthinker.
39:06So I want to slow it down a little bit,
39:07like let your brain relax a moment
39:10and then see what it's like
39:11to come back more deliberately
39:13and connect and look at me.
39:24This is a bit awkward, isn't it?
39:25Intimacy is super awkward.
39:27I know.
39:27That's not going to go away.
39:28Yeah.
39:29So let's just be awkward together.
39:42It's hard to take it seriously.
39:44It is.
39:44And you don't have to take it so seriously.
39:46You can think,
39:47we're just having fun together.
39:49Yeah.
39:49Yeah.
39:55Yeah.
39:57You've got some good sexy eye contact.
39:59You might not know it.
40:02And now you're looking at me so much more.
40:05I feel connected to you.
40:09After Bertie perfects the sexy eyes.
40:11Great.
40:12So if you want to scooch over a little bit.
40:14Yeah.
40:15Celeste decides to increase the intimacy.
40:20What if I like came in right there for a second?
40:25I mean, that would be weird, but okay.
40:27Yeah.
40:32Oh, that's so nice.
40:33You just perfectly like invited me and cuddled me.
40:36Wow.
40:40Hmm.
40:44I really like it when you kind of rest your cheek against my forehead.
40:49Yeah.
40:49You're very natural.
40:51It feels natural.
40:51It feels natural.
40:52Exactly.
40:53It feels good.
40:56It's not long before Celeste's technique boosts Bertie's confidence.
41:03I'll see me giving you a little kiss on the forehead.
41:05I felt that.
41:06I love that.
41:08What about, can I give you a...
41:09Go on.
41:10Yeah.
41:14Well, I've got a lipstick.
41:15Now you're having a kiss.
41:17You're having a kiss.
41:21Thank you very much.
41:22Love you, bye.
41:23Okay, bye.
41:26So, Celeste was just brilliant.
41:29And this has happened.
41:31And I feel a lot more relieved.
41:34And a lot more at ease with everything.
41:37That was a bit of a confidence boost for me.
41:39Hi, Bertie.
41:40Hello.
41:41You okay?
41:42You want to know how it went?
41:43What do you think?
41:44Let's go.
41:46Let's go.
41:47Let's go.
41:48Let's go.
41:48Bertie's not going to wash his cheek.
41:58As the sun sets on the retreat, the first phase of the course draws to a close.
42:05The first phase of the course has been really intense.
42:09Getting rid of shame is foundational to being able to have a pleasurable sex life.
42:13But the way that they have taken it on, it's unprecedented.
42:18They all have challenges.
42:19They all have traumas.
42:20But every individual is beautiful and unique.
42:23And the sky's the limit in terms of what's possible here.
42:27To move forward, the group must let go of their negative emotions.
42:31Oh, my gosh.
42:32That's a fire.
42:34Hello.
42:36Hello.
42:36So the experts have arranged a ceremonial bonfire to burn away their lifetime of shame.
42:45We've asked you to face your shame directly.
42:48You have talked about it, put it on your t-shirts, and now it's time to let it go.
42:54The hope is this ritual marks a turning point and the start of the rest of their lives.
43:00So for me, shame is feeling ugly.
43:04Um, sorry.
43:09Um, yeah, I felt ugly, like, most of my life.
43:14And I felt ashamed of myself for, you know, putting on weight.
43:21So brave.
43:22Are you ready to let it go?
43:24Yeah, it's going in the fire.
43:26Yes!
43:27Let it go!
43:29Let it go!
43:30Let it go!
43:34Physical appearance is a common theme.
43:36I look at everyone else around me and I think they're far more attractive, never getting matched
43:40than dating apps.
43:41And it's, it makes me feel really crap about myself.
43:44Fat and ugly.
43:46Unlovable.
43:47And I take up too much room, quite literally.
43:49I actually got voted ugliest girl in the whole school.
43:53My God!
43:54And depending on the people, I can be too loud or too quiet with, so...
43:58Let it go!
44:00Let it go!
44:01Let it go!
44:03Woo!
44:06NGE is not good enough.
44:08I always feel like I'm falling short of a lot of things.
44:11Deep-rooted issues around self-worth are also shared across the group.
44:16I feel as though, like, I might be perceived as childish and that I'm a bit unambitious.
44:23I've been told I'm too loud, basically just I'm too much for some people.
44:27And then that kind of leads on to the second point, which is that I'm unlikable and I'm
44:32unlovable.
44:33I've not had an adult relationship at all.
44:36I feel terribly unwanted.
44:39I seriously do.
44:40Are you ready to let it go?
44:42Yeah.
44:44Let it go!
44:45Let it go!
44:47Let it go!
44:50Let it go!
44:52Let it go!
44:53Let it go!
45:00It's okay to play.
45:03I think I've been, like, carrying with me some feelings about myself since I was about 12.
45:11And I think having these horrible thoughts that I'm a horrible person and that people don't
45:17like me and that I'm really dirty and sinful.
45:22Let it go!
45:23Yeah.
45:24Let it go!
45:25Let it go!
45:27Woo!
45:30Writing it down on the t-shirt was one thing, but to actually speak it out was liberating.
45:37Yeah.
45:38I found it really difficult to throw my top in the fire.
45:41I'm just hoping I can become more at one with myself.
45:46Shame is something that I specifically struggle with a lot.
45:49I feel a lot lighter.
45:51All my worst things I think about myself are finally, like, out there and I burn them.
46:00Next time...
46:01Your dick is connected to my pussy.
46:03Of course.
46:03It's the turn-on phase where the group discover their animal instincts.
46:08There's another animal next to you.
46:11Oh, no.
46:13Emotions are laid bare.
46:15Quite sad that I'm still stuck with that feeling.
46:20And for some, things are on the up.
46:22It felt really nice when you were brushing past my genitals.
46:25Would you like me to do that?
46:26Yeah.
46:26Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:55Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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