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00:04I'm nervous. I'm going to take it one step at a time. I'm absolutely petrified.
00:10Twelve virgins are travelling to a unique island retreat that could change their lives forever.
00:18This has made me the strangest day of my life.
00:21Being a virgin at the age of 22 feels very lonely. I've just sort of given up all hope.
00:28In a world saturated with sex, more young adults than ever are caught in an intimacy epidemic.
00:35The thought of having sex with someone scares me. It gives me the ick.
00:39I don't feel confident. I'm missing out. Terrified of the thought of it.
00:42Nerve-racking. Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing.
00:45All I think about is what I'm going to get wrong.
00:48Can you point to the outer labia? Nope.
00:55Now, they're getting a crash course in intimacy.
00:59Social media, porn, dating apps. There are so many negative messages and we can help them blossom.
01:06Use it by stimulating the area.
01:08Guided by a team of experts.
01:10You see yourself as...
01:12Propulsive.
01:12They'll confront their insecurities.
01:15I'm hiding. How upset actually do you feel?
01:18Exploring intimacy.
01:21In every form.
01:23Yes, yes. Good.
01:26And maybe...
01:27Do you want to put a condom on?
01:29Have sex with a trained therapist.
01:31Desperate times call for desperate measures.
01:34Woo-hoo!
01:35Or even one another.
01:36Why are you nervous around me? I don't know.
01:38It's so good.
01:40I really do need to change my life.
01:43The question is...
01:45Get a room, guys!
01:46Who will finally be ready...
01:48Just, like, get a bit anxious.
01:51..to go all the way...
01:52Touching the hoop guy?
01:54Mm-hmm.
01:54..on Virgin Island.
02:01In the first phase of the course...
02:04Shame really interrupts pleasure.
02:07..the group confronted their shame.
02:10Have I got a lipstick?
02:11Now you have a kiss.
02:12Bertie made small steps forward.
02:15What do you think?
02:15Let's go!
02:17But witnessing intimacy...
02:19..stared up Joy's feelings of religious shame.
02:22I literally thought that God cursed me with vaginismus
02:25to stop me from having sex.
02:27..and Alex revealed the extent of his anxiety.
02:30Penny for your sides.
02:32The main overriding thing is still that worry
02:34of not getting an erection.
02:36The phase ended...
02:38For me, shame is feeling ugly.
02:41Oh, sorry.
02:43..with the group letting their shame...
02:44Let it go!
02:46Let it go!
02:47..go up in flames.
02:51Now, things are set to escalate.
02:53Imagine that your cock is going inside my vagina.
02:56..with the second phase of the course...
02:58Good.
02:59..turn-ons.
03:00In society, a lot of people feel ashamed to talk about sex.
03:05It can be very embarrassing.
03:07Take a moment to look at your vulva.
03:09But to have a really fulfilling sex life,
03:11you have to know what turns you on.
03:20Good morning, morning, morning.
03:24It's the morning of day three on Virgin Island.
03:28Oh, here we go then.
03:31And time for the group to discover what's in store
03:34over the next two days.
03:36The next phase is turn-ons.
03:38I think turn-ons might involve a lot of dirty talk.
03:42It is quite a step up from hugging and stroking people's arms.
03:45Talking about, like, what turns you on is a private thing,
03:48but I guess nothing is private on this island.
03:52Good morning.
03:53Good morning.
03:54I'm feeling nervous and tense over this.
03:59It's going to be a very big challenge.
04:03Turn-ons, guys.
04:04Your aim is to find everyone's turn-ons.
04:08The thing is, I know all my turn-ons,
04:10but talking about it feels quite daunting.
04:14If one of the guys gets a boner, like,
04:15they're going to be like, we're so proud of you.
04:17We're so proud.
04:19I'm very nervous.
04:21It just all feels like something I'm not allowed to think about.
04:24Like, oh, my gosh.
04:25No, no, no, no, no, no!
04:31You ready to know your turn-ons?
04:33No.
04:34Do you know your turn-ons?
04:35Harry Styles.
04:37The group may be sexual beginners.
04:40Hi!
04:42But Celeste and Danielle want them to imagine they're experts
04:45and embrace their turn-ons.
04:51People get really confused.
04:52They're like, what turns me on?
04:54Is it positions?
04:55Or do I need to buy a new toy?
04:57But what really turns us on is the feeling that we get during sex.
05:02We call this our core desires.
05:06This is the cornerstone of the whole course.
05:09Everyone should know their core desires.
05:10If you want to have an amazing sex life,
05:12find out what you want to feel during sex and tell your partners.
05:16For me, in sex, it's all about feeling very special.
05:20I want to feel powerful.
05:22I want to feel like they're lucky to have me.
05:26And for me, I really like to feel like I'm the queen.
05:30People have many different feelings that they want to have during sex,
05:34and all of them are beautiful.
05:35We don't shame any of them.
05:37So you can just lie down, relax.
05:42To get them in the mood, Danielle begins with a visualisation exercise.
05:48I wanted to start thinking about a fantasy that you might be having.
05:54It can be something that you saw in a movie,
05:58or some erotics that you read.
06:01And then start noticing what is the feeling that you want to feel in that moment.
06:10You might want to feel loved, or precious.
06:15You might want to feel masterful, desired.
06:22Whenever you're ready, come back.
06:26Sit at the edge of your mat.
06:29With their core desires in mind...
06:33..the experts want the group to write them down on a stone
06:36and share with each other.
06:39You could just play Noughts and Crosses.
06:41Yeah.
06:46OK, so who feel like they're ready to come up?
06:57OK.
07:01I'm going to go.
07:01Great, wonderful.
07:03For Joy, her desires have always been complicated.
07:07When I was in year seven and eight, I thought it wasn't OK to be gay.
07:12I spoke to a church pastor when he started going on a rant about gay people being really sexual and
07:19slutty and promiscuous.
07:21And I realised myself that I was bisexual.
07:26But sex with a woman is like an undiscovered landscape.
07:30I do feel a bit guilty for wanting to explore it.
07:34So, I put cherished, revered, lost in the moment, free and ultimately ravished.
07:46Yay!
07:47That's my girl!
07:50APPLAUSE
07:51As others step up...
07:52I'll do it.
07:54..some themes emerge.
07:55For me, I think the most important thing is to feel wanted.
07:58Feeling wanted...
07:59I've put wanted.
08:01I've mainly put wanted.
08:02..and appreciated are common desires.
08:05I want to feel loved.
08:06Loved.
08:07Everyone wants to feel loved.
08:08I've only got pampered on mine.
08:09Special.
08:10Praised.
08:11And then we feel, like, nice and safe space.
08:14While some want to be dominated.
08:16I want to feel on edge and teased.
08:19Dominated.
08:19I feel like a little bit of a perv telling you this, but, yeah.
08:22Oh, we love pervs.
08:23We love pervs.
08:27So far, only 24-year-old Bertie hasn't stepped up.
08:33I do a lot of volunteering work in charity fundraising events.
08:38I'm the one to try and get a lot of rich people
08:42to give money for charity.
08:44We're disappointed in it, but...
08:45But when it comes to discussing, you know, sexual things,
08:50I don't see myself as a confident player.
08:54I think turn-ons, especially from the more sexual aspect,
09:01should not be shared in front of everybody.
09:03It should be kept as a secret between you and your partner,
09:07which is why I wrote,
09:09I have turn-ons, but I'm not sharing them in front of everyone.
09:12It should only be a secret between you and your partner.
09:15That's about it, really.
09:30How are we all feeling?
09:32I really liked it.
09:33Yeah.
09:33I was just like, oh, wow, this feels a bit different.
09:37Felt something in my nipples, like, as well, you know what I mean?
09:39Oh, yeah.
09:40Like, it felt a bit...
09:43The turn-ons exercise may have worked for some.
09:46When I go home, if I'm ever in a relationship with someone,
09:49I'm just going to put it by their bedside table.
09:51Turn-ons!
09:55But Bertie is just not feeling it.
09:58I was the only person in the group to not do it.
10:01I didn't want to, like, say things in front of everybody, you know?
10:03I do kind of feel like I've been, like, the odd one out in the group now.
10:08Mm-hm.
10:08I feel like I've just taken a bit of a setback after that.
10:12It certainly wasn't the most enjoyable workshop, put it that way.
10:15I felt a bit of uncomfortableness, like, everywhere, really.
10:24To help the group discover their turn-ons...
10:27Who's got the one-to-ones today, mate?
10:29..they'll all have one-on-ones.
10:31You've got Elil. Elil, OK. Which one's Elil?
10:34She's a sexological body-worker.
10:36Ireland vibes.
10:38Ah, thank you. No, no.
10:40Starting with Alex,
10:41who has struggled to get turned on under the pressure of intimacy.
10:46Sex has been a sense of anxiety for me.
10:49Growing up, my dad was quite emotionally repressed himself.
10:53We had sex education in school at year five,
10:55and I talked to my dad about it, and he said,
10:58Oh, that's rude, don't talk about that.
11:01I then became so embarrassed to talk or think about sex.
11:05Whenever sex or relationships or anything came on TV,
11:09I used to leave the room.
11:13It's estimated that half of modern men
11:16have experienced performance anxiety.
11:18To help Alex, sexological body-worker Elil plans to get physical.
11:24I want to work with him on receiving touch for me
11:27and recognising when that performance anxiety kicks in
11:31and letting me know what he needs in order to bring arousal up.
11:35So hopefully the erections will come when he has a lot of pleasure.
11:40Hello.
11:42Hello.
11:44The idea of today is for us to do full body pleasure mapping.
11:49Mm-hm.
11:50You're going to be guiding the whole thing.
11:52Whenever you feel yourself starting to worry about performance,
11:56you can just say, like, can we slow down?
12:01So take your clothes off.
12:04I think I'd like to keep my boxes on.
12:06Yeah.
12:07OK.
12:08Pleasure mapping is an exercise where Elil touches Alex
12:12all over his body.
12:13So we can start laying down.
12:16Including his genitals.
12:18So Alex can lie back and concentrate on pleasure.
12:22Is this the touch that you want?
12:23That feels nice, yeah.
12:27I've had three people that I would describe as a girlfriend.
12:33But I never had sex with anyone.
12:36The first time I tried, I had a panic attack.
12:38I was so nervous I couldn't get an erection.
12:40And, erm, I then convinced myself that sex is something,
12:46I guess, scary or nerve-wracking.
12:48It's constantly playing on my mind.
12:51Is this the right speed?
12:53Yeah, that's great.
12:57Very erotic.
12:58So touching close to your underwear line, it's almost like teasing you.
13:03Yeah.
13:04All right.
13:06What are you noticing?
13:08Getting more turned on.
13:10Mm-hm.
13:11Really getting, like, excited.
13:12Mm-hm.
13:14It felt really nice when you were brushing past my genitals.
13:17Would you like me to do that?
13:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:19Yeah.
13:22And I love when you move like that.
13:24It kind of really lets me know that you're enjoying yourself.
13:38Amazing.
13:39All right.
13:42Amazing.
13:43Amazing, amazing, amazing.
13:46I'm going to take my hand off very slowly.
13:51So, did you feel me fully aroused?
13:54Yeah.
13:55Could you feel you fully aroused?
13:57Yeah, yeah.
13:58Amazing.
14:01Have you ever felt aroused like that with someone?
14:04Not like that.
14:05Not to the point where I'm, like, moving my hips and feeling tingly.
14:09You are very, very erect.
14:11Yeah.
14:11You did so good.
14:13Thank you so much.
14:15Bye-bye.
14:16I don't think I've ever felt that sort of level of eroticism before.
14:20She's just had such a calming presence.
14:21So, yeah, feeling really good and sort of inspires confidence going forward.
14:29Hey, guys.
14:30How did your one-on-one go?
14:32Good.
14:33It went into genital touching.
14:34And, yeah, that felt really good.
14:37I bet.
14:48It was really windy last night.
14:50Yeah.
14:51Like, for a while, I think, like, my tent was going to blow away.
14:54Oh, my God, do a Dorothy.
14:55Go to the yellow brick road.
14:57Celeste and Danielle have turned into a tin man and a scarecrow.
15:01I'd probably be the lion because I'm the cowardly one.
15:06It's the afternoon on Virgin Island.
15:09How does that feel?
15:11Yeah.
15:11Yeah, it feels good.
15:12As the one-on-one sessions continue.
15:15Good.
15:16You seem more open to me.
15:18Just baby steps.
15:19The turn-on phase of the course is gathering pace.
15:23May I direct you in touching my breasts?
15:26Yeah.
15:27Yes.
15:28And a little more pressure.
15:30OK.
15:31Yeah.
15:33And the group continues to open up to each other.
15:36When I was at school, all the boys, like, would walk past and be like,
15:41oh, you're all lesbians because you go to an all-girls school.
15:43Yeah.
15:44When I was, like, 12, I remember thinking, oh, my gosh,
15:47why has God given me so many gay friends?
15:49I now have to convert all of them.
15:51It took me a couple of years to realise that I was, in fact, one of them.
15:57Years of sexual anxiety have taken a physical toll on Joy.
16:01I have vaginismus, this physical and psychological problem.
16:05It causes pain.
16:07If I can't insert a finger into my vagina, you know,
16:10how can I physically have sex?
16:12With guidance from Malil, she'll learn how to relax her body around touch.
16:17We can actually practise towards penetration in a very slow process,
16:23creating an alignment between what the head wants to do
16:27and what the body actually feels comfortable with.
16:31Hello, beautiful.
16:36So our intention for today is if you feel comfortable,
16:39we can explore the opening of your vagina.
16:42Sometimes that's been hard because it all, like, closed up.
16:46Yeah.
16:46Maybe we can see it today.
16:51I want you to just start by maybe putting your hands on your vulva.
16:57Would you like to have a look where you're touching?
17:00Elil encourages Joy to explore her body.
17:03Oh, my gosh, that's so weird.
17:04Can you see?
17:05And in doing so, change the way she feels about it.
17:09Take a moment to look at your vulva and connect to her.
17:12Mm.
17:14She's beautiful.
17:16It's weird because I feel like she looks ugly.
17:18When I was 12, I had this realisation that I had been masturbating.
17:24I went to Christian camp, and there was this call to come to the front for prayer for sexual sin.
17:31I felt convicted.
17:32Like, oh, my gosh, they're speaking about me.
17:34I've sinned.
17:35And I told my youth pastor, and then she staged an intervention.
17:41Yeah, it's stuck with me.
17:43It's been hard to get that out of my head.
17:45And now I want to be free to explore a sexual side to myself.
17:49I want to enjoy my life and accept myself.
17:54So what part are you curious about?
17:57I think I want to just touch the outer labia.
18:01Awesome.
18:02You can do like that.
18:04You can, like, bring a little bit of vibration.
18:09That's quite nice.
18:10Bit of rousing.
18:12Yeah.
18:12Yeah.
18:13Do you want to try it with oil?
18:14Yeah.
18:17Put it all over your vulva.
18:22It does feel totally different.
18:24Yeah.
18:25Can you see your opening?
18:27You can see a tiny dot there?
18:28Yeah.
18:29So that's your, that's your clit.
18:31Oh, that's so interesting.
18:32The clit is like a miniature penis.
18:34You will feel there's like a shaft.
18:36Oh.
18:37See if you can feel the shaft.
18:38OK.
18:41Sexological bodywork includes one-way touch.
18:44Can I?
18:45Yeah.
18:46Yeah.
18:47Oh.
18:49Allowing a lil with consent to help Joy discover pleasure.
18:54So how does it feel?
18:55It feels really good.
18:57I can feel arousal.
18:59That's new.
19:06Awesome.
19:07Thank you very much for giving me this experience.
19:11It's such a precious feeling.
19:13It feels really.
19:14Really special.
19:17It's like, it's like she's safe.
19:19She's safe.
19:20She's good.
19:22You got her.
19:24Yeah.
19:25And I know what she looks like now as well.
19:34Hiya.
19:35How was your thingy?
19:37Um, it was really good.
19:39Was it?
19:40Yeah, it was really good.
19:41She was like, you need to focus on what feels good for you.
19:44Yeah.
19:44The thing is just like, really?
19:46I'm allowed?
19:48I feel really good.
19:49I feel really good, yeah.
19:51I just keep learning all these things about myself.
19:53So proud to really connect with my body and so pleased that I felt like we just had
19:57this breakthrough.
20:01Joy has leapt forwards, but not everyone is riding high.
20:05Bertie, would you like to join us slash would you like a blanket?
20:08Um, go on then.
20:10What, go on then to the blanket or go on then to joining us?
20:13I'll see what I'll do.
20:15I'll see.
20:15See how you feel?
20:16Yeah.
20:16I think it's quite a chill convert at the moment.
20:18Yeah, I'll see what I can do.
20:19Lovely to talk to you.
20:21Lovely to talk to you.
20:22Yeah.
20:22I can socialise, don't worry.
20:23I know you can.
20:24I'm just inviting you to.
20:25I'll see.
20:28Do, do, do, do, do.
20:32Do, do, do, do.
20:42Here are the clipboards.
20:44It's late afternoon.
20:46This questionnaire is multiple choice.
20:48Please choose all that apply.
20:50To help the group explore the type of person that turns them on.
20:54I've got boobs so far.
20:56The experts have handed out a list of questions.
21:00Body hair.
21:01I like my girls with a full beard, mate.
21:04Face shape.
21:05I've never thought about this.
21:07What's mine?
21:08Squids.
21:10Are you calling me a squid?
21:12I don't think the colour of hair or the colour of eyes matter as long as the hair looks presentable.
21:21Great hygiene.
21:23Yeah.
21:24Clean hands.
21:25Clean nails.
21:26And they've got to have, I'm going to put, banter.
21:31You know, a bit of banter.
21:33Yeah.
21:34For Marianne, the questionnaire proves revealing.
21:38Ideal first date setting.
21:41I just want to go hiking and then have a picnic somewhere.
21:45But then I don't really necessarily want to be alone with a guy hiking on the first date.
21:48Yeah.
21:49It depends on how safe I feel, you know.
21:53A lot goes on in my head all the time.
21:57Because I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was about four.
22:00And there's just a lot of emotions.
22:01Like I'm never not thinking about safety.
22:04Like when people do one night stands in my head I'm like,
22:06X, Y, Z could go wrong.
22:08How are you going to an unknown place with this?
22:09Because my brain goes sort of into overdrive.
22:13I don't trust men.
22:16Right.
22:17You're done.
22:17Dusted.
22:18High five.
22:19Cool.
22:21Yeah.
22:21I know it is me.
22:23But I don't know how to move forward.
22:28Marianne is very much in her head.
22:31She's trying to manage her boundaries so she won't get hurt.
22:37And in that way she's holding herself back from fully experiencing life.
22:44Good to see you.
22:46Danielle wants to try and help Marianne confront her barriers.
22:51What do you want for yourself in the retreat?
22:54When it comes to sort of entity I always just have, I'm just, my first thought is just safety.
22:59So a lot of what you're trying to do now is really like, keep yourself in check.
23:06If, like, it just feels like I'm all alone and I have to put up a guard.
23:12I'm just saying sort of no to everything.
23:13And I think my yourself feels quite sad that I'm still stuck with that feeling.
23:28I feel like I had a lot of issues growing up in South Africa.
23:31In school I was one of three mixed race girls.
23:35And we didn't really know how to fit in because we weren't, like, black enough for the black guys, white
23:39enough for the white guys.
23:41I get viewed as this exotic thing.
23:45Sweetheart, it's okay if I put my hand on my hair.
23:48It's fine.
23:49It has been sort of like a competition of guys.
23:51They would never be in a relationship with us but they just want to, like, get our clothes off.
23:54And so it's really, really hard for me to, like, trust men.
24:01I just feel...
24:03Yeah.
24:04...that I'm missing out on things and I can't differentiate, like, what's actual fear and what's just, like...
24:10Protection.
24:11Yeah.
24:12Can I please have a hug?
24:14Aw, I would love to.
24:20Marianne needs to learn to trust that men don't necessarily want to take advantage of her.
24:27And working with men to deal with all those issues, that's her biggest challenge on the island.
24:42Thank you so much.
24:44My pleasure.
24:46I knew I was going to be emotional but everything sort of hit me.
24:58It was nice to have this session because, like, I can just think more clearly about what's to come.
25:05But that's quite daunting.
25:20Good morning.
25:21Good morning.
25:22Good morning, Marianne.
25:24Another day begins on Virgin Island.
25:28Ooh, got hot dog down my boot.
25:31That'd be a treat for someone later.
25:35And it's the turn-ons phase of the course.
25:38Nothing like a proper cover.
25:39This phase is pretty intimidating.
25:43I always thought myself as dead playful, dead flirty, but I started being really sheltered.
25:49So I do feel like I've got a lot to learn.
25:53I personally feel a bit deflated, a bit dejected. I'm lacking behind. I know it's a marathon and not a
26:01sprint, but some people are running. I'm trudging.
26:08The phase is exposing deep-seated fears.
26:14When it comes to younger people, around intimacy and touch, there's just a lot more self-consciousness.
26:20A lot of people are afraid, you know, oh, maybe I'm going to get cancelled or cross a boundary.
26:24Nowadays, there is a lot of risk in saying the wrong thing. Like, if I make a weird, stupid mistake
26:30talking to a girl, that's done, isn't it?
26:33I don't want to do something wrong. I don't want to do things too fast or too slow.
26:38If I do come across as a creep in any way, shape or form, I don't mean to.
26:42I'm so scared of the thought of that happening.
26:44What do you think we're going to do?
26:46I have no idea.
26:49Having already worked on discovering their turn-ons...
26:52Oh, this is so scary.
26:55Celeste and Danielle now want the group to feel it in their bodies.
26:59This is a really safe place that we can practice touching all over each other's bodies.
27:04This exercise can definitely get people aroused and, frankly, I hope it does.
27:13Okay.
27:14One of the things that really gets in the way of us feeling our turn-ons is inhibition.
27:20And today's workshop is all about letting out your inner animal.
27:29So we're going to do a little demo, and then you'll get a chance to practice with each other.
27:35Sex doesn't have to be this thing that is very curated.
27:39It can be animalistic and fun.
27:41Animal game, you don't need much to be good at it.
27:44It's more about connecting with your own impulses and unleashing your inner animal.
27:52There's another animal just next to you.
27:58And you can smell...
28:00Salve...
28:02No.
28:02No.
28:09No...
28:11No.
28:15Oh, ah.
28:38Laugh-gasm.
28:39Laugh-gasm.
28:47I'm looking for a brave volunteer
28:55I've got an injured foot
28:57I know it sounds like a lame excuse but with like my foot and everything
29:02Okay anyone else?
29:04Can I do it with you Marianne?
29:05Yeah I'm going to go with Marianne
29:06Great wonderful
29:10Joy takes the opportunity to practice with a woman
29:15So just take some nice deep breaths in and out
29:22When you feel ready start exploring each other with your hands
29:32Good I love the way you're staying with the sensation and with your own bodies
29:52And how was that for you?
29:54Marianne made me feel very safe
29:56Same it was very fun
30:00As more of the group step up
30:03Just follow what your body wants to do
30:06Their animal instincts start to emerge
30:13Touching and sensing
30:23Anyone else?
30:28Fuck it
30:29Yes Bertie
30:31Up until now Bertie keeps holding back
30:35If I don't do it now I'll regret it later
30:38I think this is the worst time to be a young adult
30:42Because if you're someone like me who struggles with approaching and talking to women
30:49It's near impossible
30:51It's near impossible
30:51I constantly think about what I could do wrong
30:55Rather than what I could do right
30:58But I have to do this
31:00Because I want to improve my life
31:05Start noticing
31:06Seeing that there's an animal inside you and you can rub against them
31:16I can hold
31:17I can hold
31:18Are you okay?
31:19I'm good yeah
31:20Yeah?
31:21You sure?
31:22Yeah I'm fine
31:23You're getting comfy position
31:24Yeah
31:31That's okay
31:32That's fine
31:33Let yourself feel how good it feels
31:48I think we're done
31:49Yeah
31:49Me too
31:49Yeah
31:53Amazing
31:54You want to share a little bit?
31:56I was a bit apprehensive about doing it at first
31:57I mean I thought you were doing a good job
31:59It just all felt natural and not really nice
32:01You've got nice hair to touch as well
32:03All that wax has come in handy
32:04That's what it is
32:07Nice
32:10There we go
32:11Well done to you
32:12Thank you
32:19So how was that?
32:22I was still in that like ooh
32:25Like frisky mood let's say
32:26And I was like okay
32:27So I'm going to just have to calm myself back down
32:29And start from Bertie's level
32:32All right Bertie
32:33Hello
32:34How did you find it?
32:35Good good
32:35You had the right amount of pressure on me that I like
32:38It felt so natural and I was like this is
32:41Yeah
32:42Oh
32:42Like to say this is one of the bravest things I've done
32:45Would be the understatement of the millennium
32:48This isn't peer pressure or anything like that
32:50I just feel like I kind of have to participate
32:54Because if I am going on this island to be the same old person that I was for all my
33:01life
33:01What am I doing here?
33:05As the course is going on I can see people learning and changing
33:09Everybody's trying new things
33:11But for some people therapy is very slow and totally goes at the pace of the client
33:22Bertie may be working things out but discovering turn-ons for some is slow progress
33:28Guys do you like hairy vaginas?
33:31I actually don't care
33:32Yeah
33:33Each to their own
33:34And it starts coming out of their nicker line and you're like oh god you need to shave
33:38Oh no
33:40I don't really look after myself very much but no one's seeing it so
33:45After this that won't be true
33:50Intimacy is challenging for everyone on the island
33:53But for 21 year old Callum it's also linked to tragedy
33:58My dad passed away two years ago
34:00He was an alcoholic
34:06I don't really know how to respond to it
34:10I'm living on my own in his house where he used to live
34:13And probably spend oh
34:16It's probably about 16 hours a day gaming
34:19Erm
34:19I suppose it is a way to escape everything in the world
34:23I struggle to meet people in person
34:26It makes me feel
34:28Alone
34:32The experts want Callum to tackle his grief
34:37Hi
34:37Hello
34:38With clinical therapist Abby
34:43Are there times in your life where you felt uncomfortable talking about these things?
34:49Yeah I think so
34:50I'm never really honest or open
34:52I think it was when my dad passed that I really started to notice a lot of the stuff about
34:56myself
34:56Talk to me a little bit about that
35:01I really punished myself about everything
35:04Yeah he got admitted to hospital because he'd fallen
35:07He was on the floor for two days and he couldn't get up
35:09He couldn't reach his phone to tell anyone
35:12Yeah
35:12And the next day being told that you know he's not got long left to live
35:17So
35:18He died within two weeks
35:20Yeah
35:20He got
35:22It's okay
35:25Liver cirrhosis
35:25Talk about the feeling that comes up around that
35:28I still feel like I failed him
35:31That's not
35:32It's not for you to take on
35:34Hmm
35:38Is it reasonable for you to take responsibility of that?
35:41Maybe not
35:44What are the thoughts running in your head?
35:49Regret?
35:50Yeah
35:55I just want to make him proud and not flatten his name
36:02You're making him proud
36:04You're making him proud
36:11It's really emotional because a lot of it is shit basically that I hate dealing with
36:17But I've never really had that emotional response
36:19And I spoke properly with someone who understands it
36:23And it's kind of a fuzzy feeling
36:25I just feel...
36:27I feel like I'm a little off steam
36:29I want to run around
36:36Hello!
36:37Hello!
36:37Hello!
36:38How did it go?
36:39Very emotional
36:40Looking at shit from a different angle I suppose
36:43Do you feel good that it's been light off your chest?
36:46Mmm
36:47Tell you what though, it's so hot in the teepee
36:49I sweated it all out, so...
36:51It wasn't tears, it was just sweat coming at your eyes
36:54Yeah, yeah, yeah
36:54It wasn't tears, no
37:04I don't know
37:05Are you going to bomb it in?
37:08Yeah, yeah, yeah
37:09It's late afternoon
37:11We just, like, glided in
37:13And many of the group are embracing island life
37:17To be a man, hey
37:18Get your hair wet and just, like, come out and be fine
37:20Yeah, yeah, no moisturiser
37:23Not need to, like, shower
37:25Well, I think men need showers
37:26I hope, I hope they shower
37:30As some take a dip
37:31The experts have decided it's time for others to immerse themselves
37:36In the retreat's most advanced therapy
37:39Undertaken by three specialists
37:42Surrogate partner therapy works with the surrogate partner and the client
37:46Practising with everything from different kinds of touch
37:49Through genital touching, oral sex or even intercourse
37:52So that people can practise the full range of sexual experiences
37:57First is 35-year-old Ellen
38:00Hello!
38:02While all surrogate partner therapy is supported by clinical therapist Abby
38:07What I do is therapeutic, emotional discussion
38:11Kat will be Ellen's surrogate partner therapist
38:14So I do the relationship side
38:16Doing touch work and relational works, like, completely led by you
38:20Okay
38:21And hands are, like, really important in lesbian sex
38:25Yeah
38:26Meanwhile, Tegan will work with surrogate partner therapist Rizden
38:30And notice the sensation
38:33Of me touching you
38:38How did that feel?
38:39It felt good, it felt really nice
38:41Okay, great!
38:42But before Marianne can consider a surrogate relationship
38:45She first has to learn to trust men
38:49It gets to a point where I need to feel the energy
38:52You can feel they want more
38:53And I can't cross the boundary
38:55Just can't
38:56My brain just gets stuck
38:58I really want to challenge myself
38:59I want to do it with a guy and see how I feel
39:06Trust is everything
39:07Out of all my friends, I'm the only virgin
39:10And I do feel lonely
39:11But I do want to be in a relationship with someone
39:15If I haven't figured it out by 26 years
39:18Then clearly I do need some help
39:21First step for Marianne
39:23Hello
39:24Is simply being comfortable in the same room
39:27As potential surrogate partner Andre
39:31How are you feeling now?
39:33A little bit anxious in my stomach
39:34Um, and that's just because
39:36Just of unknowns and things
39:38Yeah
39:39Working with Marianne, it's very important
39:42That we start slowly
39:43To build the trust in myself
39:47I'm going to be moving around the room
39:50And you're going to be noticing how your body is reacting to where I am
39:55The idea is just to learn how someone being close to you can potentially feel
40:00Yeah
40:01Okay, so go ahead and close your eyes
40:10And so I've moved
40:13You might feel I'm further away
40:20See if there's any noticeable change in sensation
40:27Growing up, I really never saw
40:31How a relationship should be
40:33My dad just wasn't there
40:35And seven, eight years ago I found out I had a new half-sister
40:39My dad was sort of collecting mini-families
40:43Yeah
40:46Just noticing what's happening in your body
40:50So anything that reminds me of my dad, you're instantly vetoed
40:53Trust-wise, I'm very sceptical
40:59What was, like, kind of going on in your head?
41:02By the end, I liked it
41:06Hmm
41:06It just felt warm
41:08By the end
41:09I felt, if I'm being honest, more sort of turned on with the second one that was there
41:14For some reason
41:15Wonderful, okay, great
41:18I feel a lot more relaxed here
41:21Okay
41:22After the exercise
41:23What a hug
41:24I would love a hug
41:26Marianne is clearly calmer
41:28It helps that you smell like salted caramel
41:31Mmm, do I really?
41:32Yeah
41:33It's very like...
41:34I like that
41:36I'm feeling a lot more reassured working with a guy
41:40He's very lovely and I felt very relaxed
41:44It has helped my brain not be as fearful
41:50I'm really proud of myself
41:55Hi!
41:56Hi Marianne
41:56Welcome back
41:57How did your one-to-one go?
41:59It was good
42:00Hell yeah
42:01Nice to meet you
42:02How many people can actually fit in this bed? That's a real question
42:04Bertie, do you want to come join us in the bed?
42:07Um...
42:08Actually, please do
42:09It's an open invitation
42:11All right, no worries
42:14After getting back on track earlier, the experts don't want Bertie to lose momentum again
42:20Bertie jumped up, I thought he was going to use his foot as an excuse but he didn't
42:24And he was so good
42:25He seemed so sensual, so like, um, animalistic
42:30It's really important that he feels successful
42:32Yeah
42:34When it comes to dating and sex, I just want to be able to be more confident in myself and
42:42know what I'm doing
42:42Because the thought of me approaching a woman and asking them out, it would make them think, oh God, this
42:51is embarrassing
42:51What have I done to deserve being asked out by Bertie?
42:57To help boost his confidence
42:59Good afternoon
43:01Celeste wants to push Bertie's boundaries
43:04How was the workshop for you?
43:06I know I got a few things wrong, but that was the first time I didn't really feel uncomfortable
43:11I was super proud and impressed
43:13And I think we can use this session to just do more kinds of practices that will be helpful for
43:18you
43:18Sounds good
43:19To get more technique together
43:21It's a good job I brushed my teeth then
43:27Celeste starts
43:28To try to, like, lay me back
43:30Like this?
43:33Simulating the missionary position
43:35How am I going to do this?
43:36It'll be awkward at first, so don't worry about that, okay?
43:40Teaching Bertie the basics
43:42And then you want to line up so that your dick is connected to my pussy
43:47Of course, okay
43:48Okay
43:50Right?
43:51Like this?
43:52Yeah, exactly
43:58And you'll need to hold up some of your weight
44:00Yeah, sorry
44:01No, it's okay
44:02And if you want me to show you what I mean, I'm happy to do that
44:04That's fine, you can if you want to
44:06Let me lie down
44:09Okay, so if I'm on top of you
44:11Yeah
44:11See how, like, I'm not all the way down here
44:15Yeah, no
44:15Because it's just a little too much pressure on the chest
44:17Yeah
44:17Yes
44:23When you thrust, I want you to imagine that your cock is going inside my vagina
44:27Like this
44:28Like this
44:28Yes, exactly
44:29Yes
44:33You want to try that?
44:34Let's try it
44:35Okay
44:38Then you get between my legs
44:39Yeah
44:40And you pull me up
44:42Exactly
44:43You can kind of be all the way up
44:46Yes, yes, yes
44:48Good
44:50Yeah, like that
44:54Thank you very much
44:56I feel lightheaded
44:57Oh, yes, I bet
44:59You are an absolute miracle worker
45:01I ain't leaving
45:02Thank you very much
45:03I'm just going to be rooting you on in every moment
45:06Ooh, yeah
45:07Oh, Bertie boy
45:13Hiya
45:14Hello
45:14How was it?
45:15Good
45:15Celeste
45:17It's taught me how certain sexual positions work
45:20Wow
45:21So, er
45:22Yeah
45:23I feel very happy at the moment
45:26It's amazing what a
45:27What a bit of, er
45:29Rolling around on the floor
45:31Doing different sexual positions can do to one's mentality
45:34But, er
45:35I've made progress
45:36And I'm proud of myself for that
45:38And I'm thankful for everything that Celeste has taught me
45:42Oh, my God
45:46All that thrusting has made me hurt my bollocks
45:51It's because I have to sleep on my back tonight
45:54Christ almighty
45:56Next time
45:57Look at my pussy
45:59I'm definitely a lesbian
46:00The dating phase panics Ellen
46:02I just don't feel like I'm good enough
46:05Alex ups his game
46:07Do you want to see how hard you are?
46:09And things heat up
46:11Cheers
46:11With island dates
46:13I'm so nervous still
46:14Why?
46:15I think it's because it's you
46:18Music
46:38Orden
46:38Oh, wait
46:38Brilliant
46:39If you were every interview
46:39Well wait
46:39Whatever
46:39That is
46:42You loser
46:43Tú
46:46It's not