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Bob's Burgers - Season 16 Episode 11 - The Keyboard Kid
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00:19Hey Jimmy Jr. Hey Shana. Are you excited for the eighth grade academic improvement reward
00:24field trip? You've got to believe it. I developed better study skills this semester and I'm ready
00:28to be rewarded with a field trip and it's so cool that it's at that indoor rock climbing place
00:33vertically challenged. Yeah I looked it up. You get a partner and one person belays while the other
00:37person climbs and the belayer stands underneath the climber and holds a rope and just makes sure
00:42everything's safe up there in the harness area. So want to be belay buddies? Oh okay. Yes. I've been
00:49doing pull-ups to get ready. Working on those biceps and trapeziuses. Man I hope the harness is
00:54comfortable. I did zip lining last summer and the harness was super tight. Well I gotta go meet
01:00Z. He found a sponge and we're gonna go kick it around. Okay see you belayder. Just gotta keep
01:06that 2.8 GPA to be eligible for the field trip. You mean like metaphorically? No like a 2.8
01:12grade
01:13point average. Oh okay. Do I have a 2.8 grade point average? No. Did you think you had a
01:192.8 grade
01:20point average? I don't know. Jimmy Jr. has one. He's developed very strong study skills this semester.
01:26Yeah I've heard. Sorry. So I just need to judge my old GPA up a few notches. Um I was
01:31hoping I could
01:32maybe sign up for one of those super cool easy classes. I think they're called electives. You know
01:37less taxing more chillaxing wink wink. Yeah I think Peter Pescadero got an A in robotics for taping a
01:43battery to a cup. Okay what about typing? Typing? Mr. Grant teaches typing. The new term started this
01:50week but I can still sign you up. My fingers have tickled a few keyboards in their day. Let's do
01:54it.
01:54You want to go to that indoor climbing gym. I get it. There's nothing like being 12 feet off the
01:59ground
01:59to make you feel like you're 20 feet off the ground. I'm kind of excited about the belay thing. She
02:04wants
02:04to look up at Jimmy Jr.'s butt and kind of control it with a rope. Like it's a float at
02:08the Macy's
02:09Thanksgiving Day Parade. Hey Teddy. Hi Teddy. Hey guys. I'll have a burger of the day and extra fries.
02:16Extra fries. Check you out. Yeah I just landed a big job. I'm custom building a high-end grill for
02:22this
02:22rich guy's outdoor kitchen. A grill? Really? What kind? A gaucho grill. Wait seriously? You're building an
02:27Argentinian gaucho grill? That's like my dream grill. I thought I was your dream grill. Ha! Yeah the rich guy
02:33Elliot. He's super into Argentinian cooking. He's actually on some sort of food pilgrimage in Patagonia
02:38right now. I'm working while he's gone. Wait Teddy. Do you know how to build a gaucho grill? I mean
02:43how hard can it be? It's a grill right? And then you slap some Argentinian on it. No Teddy. You
02:47got
02:48to have a firebox. You got to have an adjustable grill grate so you can control the distance between
02:52the meat and the flame. Whoa Bob. Slow down. I don't speak grill nerd. Ha! He is a grill nerd.
02:57It's just
02:58it's more complicated than some normal backyard barbecue. It needs to be done right. Hey it's more
03:03complicated. That's you Bob. Ha ha. It needs to be done right. Ha ha. I don't like either
03:10of you. The Constitution. Romeo and Juliet. The Bible. Ever heard of them? Well they were
03:16all typed on computer keyboards. Wait what? Everyone in this classroom has the ability
03:22to type. But right now your fingers are clay. I will mold that clay. And I swear to God and
03:27qwerty that by the end of this term you will be typing up to 45 WPM. WPM?
03:34Words per minute. How fast do I type? Sorry I thought someone asked how fast I type. The answer
03:38110 WPM. I guess that's why it's on a certificate over there on the wall. I want to type in
03:44competition.
03:45Fastest 13 year old in the county that year. No big deal. Except that it was a huge deal. Yeah.
03:51Now place your fingers of the index variety on F and J. Just feel for the keys with the little
03:56bumps.
03:56Ew. Oh wow I've always wondered about those bumps. I thought maybe they were the keyboard's nipples
04:00which now that I say it seems wrong. Okay so your fingers are on the home row. The home row
04:06is the
04:06cornerstone of learning to type. Keeps us oriented. It keeps us safe. You lose the home row you're in
04:12the wilderness. Cold. Alone. Waiting for death's sweet kiss. Okay let's hit return to load your first prompt.
04:21Sheila went to the store. Wow this is taking forever. What if I just type how I always type?
04:32Take a quick vacation from home row? Now Sheila can get where she needs to go. Wow Tina you're fast.
04:37I can't even find the L. Is that it? Is that it? Fine I'm just gonna use the Q. Uh
04:43Tina what's happening here?
04:45Your fingers are all over the place. It's like a muppet playing piano. I know but this has been kind
04:50of working for me. You appear to be typing at 50 WPM but I don't even understand what I'm looking
04:55at.
04:55Just go to the home row. Go home. Go home now. Or I just boom. Ugh. Where are the emojis
05:02on this?
05:03Okay mom I typed up your grocery list. All right. Gene I'm gonna print out that letter to Michael
05:08McDonald that you had me type up asking him what a doobie is. We'll get to the bottom of this.
05:13Anybody else need anything typed? Can you crap out a paper on photosynthesis real quick?
05:17No Louise. Fine I guess I'll do my homework like an idiot. Boy that class has got you typing up
05:23a storm.
05:24I know I'm in the zone and I'm kind of the fastest one in there so yeah I'm gonna get
05:28that easy A
05:29which means I'm also gonna get to see a belay full of B. Jimmy Jr's butt.
05:33Yep got it. Hello? Bob I finished the gaucho grill. I did everything they said to do online but I
05:39don't know if I built it right. Can you come over tomorrow and check and look?
05:42Oh now you want my help? Yes please. Uh I don't know if I want to. What?
05:47Yeah maybe I'm busy with my cool life. Come on. I'm sorry I called you a grill nerd.
05:53Just come over Bob. I need you. Okay fine. Great. I knew you would. Nerd. So how's it look?
06:00Hmm. Hmm? What's hmm about it? It just seems like the lowest level for the grill grate is still
06:05too far from the embers. Oh no. No, no, no. I can't lose this job Bob. Rich people make great
06:11clients because of all the money they have. Okay I can help. We can do this. We're gonna fix all
06:16his mistakes and make you perfect. Bob please don't talk about me to the grill. He doesn't understand you
06:22and he never will. Cut it out Bob. Don't listen to him grill. You were my friend first.
06:28Hey belay buddy. Hi Tina. Yeah you are. What? You know it. Well look at Tina. Having witty banter
06:34in the hallway with my belay buddy. Rocking that A in typing class. Now nothing can come between me
06:39and a harness full of hiney. I mean I definitely have an A in typing right? No you're not getting
06:44an A
06:44Tina. What? But I'm the fastest typer in here. I'm pulling down 75 WPMs. Yes you're bizarre and somewhat
06:50grotesque finger waggling seems to work somehow. But I can't in good conscience give you an A.
06:55You're not learning to type the way you should. You're a street typer and frankly it's disgusting.
07:00Okay fine. If you'll get me an A I'll use the home row. C. Typing so fast. Yeah never mind
07:09my fingers
07:10hate this. Oh Mr. Grant I need an A so I can have a 2.8 grade point average so
07:13I can go on the field trip
07:14to vertically challenged. I wish those words meant anything at all to me but they just don't. Listen
07:19my job is to help you not type like a psycho. It doesn't seem fair. If I'm fast it shouldn't
07:24matter
07:25how I do it. Okay what if uh what if I can type that fast? A hundred and ten words
07:30per minute? Yeah
07:31then would you give me an A so I could go on the trip? Tina I'm glad you got big
07:35dreams even when those
07:36dreams are ridiculously stupid. So sure I'll give you an A if you can hit 110 WPM. Yes. Mr. Grant
07:44my
07:44mom wrote me a note. I can't type today. I have type one finger beaties. It looks like my handwriting
07:49but it's not. Definitely should try cherry wood. A true temple of me deserves the best. Are you talking
07:58about your underwear dad? He's texting with Teddy. Can't wait to throw some beef in there. Dad's texting
08:05Teddy have taken a turn. 80 WPMs. Still not fast enough. Hey T you think we can borrow those fast
08:11little fingers of yours to I don't know do restaurant stuff? It's called a work ethic. Heard of it?
08:16Cause Gene and I are all about it. Yeah. Sorry I can't. I've only got a week to hit 110
08:21mores per
08:22minute if I want to go to vertically challenged and uh you know. See Jimmy Jr's butt in the harness.
08:26Yes we know. Dad I was gonna say get to do some fun indoor climbing. Oh sorry. And also yeah
08:31see that butt.
08:32Hmm.
08:49110 WPMs. I did it. What the? I mean good. Good for you. Wow. Tina types so fast. She doesn't
08:58even type the way you showed us.
08:59It's like everything you taught us doesn't matter at all. Maybe Tina should teach the class. She kind
09:04of looks like an old lady already anyway. Thanks Jocelyn. The last part I didn't like but.
09:10Mr. Grant your face is weird. Are you pooping? I'm not pooping Jocelyn. So I get the A right? I
09:18can
09:18go on the field trip on Friday? You can go. Yes. Mr. Grant just go to the bathroom. You're gonna
09:24have an accident and
09:25it's gonna be a real distraction. Wow it turned out great. We made something beautiful didn't we Teddy?
09:31We sure did Bob. Linda I'm glad you could come too even though you didn't help at all. Well I
09:35wasn't about to work at the restaurant while you two beef boys had to test out the grill party.
09:39I was only gonna be gone a couple hours. Also it's not a party Lynn just because I brought really
09:44good
09:45meat and wine and the perfect pineapple. Ed Toons. Bluetooth is a go.
10:03All right that A in typing got you your 2.8.
10:07Yay. Tina's gonna be the first person in our family to graduate eighth grade.
10:11And I'm making a note in the system that you will be absent from class to attend the vertically challenged
10:15field trip on Friday. Yep I'll be busy belaying my buddy. Uh huh. Okay bye. Hmm that's odd. What?
10:22Someone put another note in here for something on Friday. Is it to remember not to come to school on
10:27Saturday and Sunday? A mandatory typing test has been scheduled for Friday at the exact same time
10:33they'll be loading up the bus for the field trip. A mandatory typing test? It says anyone who misses
10:37this test will get an automatic F which could drop some people's GPA below 2.8 rendering them field
10:42trip ineligible. Well that's specific. What? I'm gonna go all caps on his ass. You. Me? Me what?
10:51You know what. I'm just going into the faculty lounge so I can enjoy my posture from last night
10:56and the night before. Don't try to impress us with what you eat for lunch. What's this BS about a
11:01mandatory
11:01typing test at the same time as we're loading the bus for the field trip? Oh that right. Well it
11:06just
11:07felt like a good time for a mandatory test that's all. But I deserve to go on that field trip.
11:11I worked
11:11hard for that A. Yeah which is not something we usually do pal. Look if you refuse to learn the
11:17home
11:17row method then you'll never be a great typer or succeed at anything at all ever. I'm as good a
11:22typer
11:23as you and you were my age. I bet I'm even a better typer than you now. That's hilarious Tina.
11:29You are
11:30not a better typer than me. Yes I am. Well maybe the only way to settle this is a typing
11:36battle. Huh?
11:37A typing battle? After school. Tina versus Mr. Grant. Student versus teacher. Teen girl versus late 50s
11:44man. How dare you? Look I can't have a typing battle with a student. We're supposed to help students.
11:50Not demolish them and leave them in a puddle of their own blood. He's scared. I'm not scared. Scared of
11:55typing battle? Scared of intimacy? I'm not scared of either of those things. Well half scared of one.
12:01Then say yes. If I win there's no typing test on Friday. And if you lose which you will. I
12:06guess you
12:06get the pride of having beaten a child at something. How about if you lose there's still a test on
12:11Friday and you have to clean every single keyboard and typing class. And trust me you're gonna see
12:16some stuff that'll haunt you forever. You're on. I will crush you. But not this afternoon because I'm
12:22getting a thing lasered off. But tomorrow afternoon I will crush you.
12:26Tina. Which your mother and I are hoping is totally normal. Thanks. Our girl's ready. And
12:32you should find a spot for Mr. Grant's head. Cause we're coming home with it. Don't bring it home.
12:37I want to declutter. You got this, Tina. Yeah I do. Good luck, Tina. You're fighting for all of us,
12:42girl. Thank you. I am. I hope you win today, Tina. You deserve to go on that trip. Even though
12:47you
12:47kind of game in the system. Thanks. I'll be there rooting for you. With my mouth, not my arms. I'm
12:52pretty sore from all the upper body stuff I've been doing to get ready for vertically challenged.
12:56That's why I keep rubbing this cool tone cream on. Whoa. That's potent. I didn't know we were allowed
13:02to bring creams to school. This changes everything. You really gotta rub it in. Oh, I feel so good on
13:09my
13:09muscles. Oh, that's just tough. Damn. See you later. Tina. Mr. Grant. Just keep walking,
13:17Tina. We'll see you after school at the type-off, Mr. Grant. And also, Tina will probably see you
13:22during the regular scheduled typing class, which may be a little awkward today. But yeah. I can't
13:28believe you were dumb enough to agree to battle a student. Yeah, what's next? A kid challenges me
13:32to a running competition? I threw my back out pulling up my shorts today. Guys, cool your muffins.
13:38I'm gonna win. You better win, Grant. I'm out learning all the state capitals no matter how many kids
13:44want to battle me. Guys, I'm freaking out. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's got security footage. He's gonna
13:50see everything. What? What are you talking about? What security footage? Elliot, the gaucho grill guy,
13:55apparently has a security camera in his backyard. Oh. Uh-oh. He texted me asking about the grill. He's
14:01just got cell reception back. He's getting on a plane in Patagonia and he's excited to watch the
14:05footage of the grill being built on his way over in Miami. So he's gonna see... I was having a
14:11big old beef
14:11party in his backyard. Oh, boy. He'll never hire me again. Also, what if he doesn't even pay me for
14:17this job? I dropped a lot of money into that grill. You just hand-dabbed the pineapple grilling
14:21hook, didn't you, Bob? It came with the sausage hook. It was the set, Teddy. Bob, Teddy, calm down.
14:26We'll figure something out. Should we just go smash the security camera? No, no. It's all online.
14:32Okay, okay. Um, well, right now, when he watches the footage, you're gonna be the bad guy who had an
14:38unauthorized beef party with this brand new grill. Yeah. But, what if you were the good guy who
14:44heroically saved the grill? Saved it from what?
15:23Okay, standard type-off rules. We go three rounds. Fastest typer wins the round. Best out of three
15:29wins the whole damn thing. Oh, and keep it down. We don't want principal spores finding out about this.
15:34We're not quite sure where he stands on teacher-student battles. Hey, what? Try not to cry too hard when
15:40I whoop you. Actually, you can use your tears to clean off these filthy keyboards. Ah, just stretching out
15:46my right pinky, because I'm about to delete you. Ho, ho, ho! Yes, you went there. Type his hat off,
15:52Tina! Yeah! Okay, people. Prompt one!
16:07Who are you rooting for? What? Tina. Same. Mr. Grant, 111 words per minute.
16:14Tina, 108. First round goes to Mr. Grant.
16:19Oh, man. Come on, Tina. You can beat him. School that teacher.
16:23Yeah! Serve him a typing hot mug of defeat. Prompt two!
16:29There she is. There's our freaky-fingered gal. Look at those fingers bang!
16:37Mr. Grant, 112 words per minute. Tina, 113. This round goes to Tina.
16:46Last round, last prompt. Winner of this wins the type-off. Oh, my God. It could be either of them.
16:53You got him on the ropes, Tina. Now finish him. Sweep the fingers!
16:57Vertically challenged. Here you come, Tina. High ten.
17:01Huh. That's a pretty wet high ten. No judgment. Wait, my hands feel weird. My God.
17:08Ah, my fingers are getting all tingly. Uh-oh. It's the cool zone stuff from my sore muscles.
17:13Ah! Ah, they're numb! My fingers are numb! I can't feel the keys!
17:16That's not good. I'm so sorry, Tina. I was just trying to give you a supportive high ten.
17:21Ah! I can't feel anything! Well, now you know how teachers feel.
17:26Final prompt! Wait! Wait! Wait! Stop! Hold on the prompt!
17:29I got cool zone on my hands, but now my fingers are numb. I'm not gonna be able to type.
17:33Oh, wow. Let me head over to my filing cabinet and file that under not my problem.
17:38I gotta wipe it off! I gotta wipe it off! It's not working! Quick emergency bathroom trip!
17:48Why won't he just text the call already? I'm so nervous. I can't even eat.
17:52It's gonna be okay, Teddy. It was a good plan.
17:55Mmm, not really.
17:56Oh, oh, this is him.
17:58Hello? Hey, Elliot. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's us on the...
18:04Yes, we grilled. We were just making sure it worked at the...
18:07Well, I wouldn't call it a party. I guess there was some dancing.
18:12Yep, that was a few cannonballs, but I'm really so...
18:16Oh, yeah, that car came out of nowhere. And the guy with the bat, he must have been one of
18:21those angry vegetarians I've been hearing about.
18:23They hate grills. Yeah, I know. The twists and turns of life, huh?
18:28Uh, okay. Great. I'll come over tomorrow. We can settle up. Bye.
18:32Yes! He bought it!
18:34Yeah! Seriously? Hello?
18:35Oh, God. Hey, sorry. I'm at an auction and a guy bought a thing. A very famous pair of pants.
18:41Gotta go. Bye.
18:43I couldn't wash it off. Would it kill this school to have some warm water or soap in these friggin'
18:47bathrooms?
18:48Soap? Ooh la la.
18:50I'm so sorry, Tina. Damn you, cool zone. In what zone is this considered cool?
18:55Can we, um, reschedule? You can't reschedule a type-off, Tina.
19:00Anyway, isn't it your little field trip tomorrow? So yeah, we finished this today.
19:04Sorry, Tina. Third prompt!
19:08I don't know where my fingers are.
19:10Aw, bet you're wishing you'd just learn to use the home row now, huh, Tina?
19:14But you just had to go your own way, didn't you? Blaze your own trail with your freakish freestyling.
19:20Well, you know what can happen to trailblazers? They go up in blazing flames.
19:24Yeah, that was a burn burn.
19:26Tina, don't let anyone tell you where home row is.
19:29You make your own home row, you crazy SOB.
19:32I can't. I'm gonna lose.
19:34Come on, Tina. Weird freakish typer.
19:37Come on, Tina. Weird freakish typer.
19:41Come on, Tina. Weird freakish typer.
19:45Come on, Tina. Weird freakish typer.
19:52Come on, Tina. We're freaking typer.
19:57Mr. Grant, 115 words per minute.
19:59Tina, 116.
20:01Tina wins.
20:02What?
20:03No, no, no, no, no!
20:05Damn it!
20:06Freaking Grant.
20:07Yes, yes, yes.
20:08Mwah, mwah, mwah.
20:10Okay, my lips are mine.
20:12So, did you say we got to that handhold, Tina?
20:15Oh, I saw.
20:16I saw the whole thing.
20:18Looking good up there, buddy.
20:21Peria gaugia, peria gaugia, ha spendito fuego, dentro de mi corazon, templo de la corne,
20:43Siempre te adorare per la gaugia.
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