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مسلسل Animal Control مترجم - Episode 2
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00:03What is gout?
00:04Are you a 15th century British monarch?
00:06No.
00:07You don't have it.
00:09God, there's like 5,000 questions.
00:11You're a city employee now.
00:13Half your life is going to be paperwork.
00:14Congrats.
00:15Hey, is it okay if I put you down as my emergency contact?
00:19Well, since I'm the guy most likely to harm you,
00:21it seems like a conflict of interest.
00:23Truck 12, resident reporting problem with rabbits,
00:26907 Maple Lane.
00:28Question, have subjects been observed as wascally?
00:34Are you going or not?
00:35Yes.
00:36We'll hop right on over.
00:38That's it.
00:39Get out.
00:40What?
00:41We talked about this.
00:42Two lame jokes before coffee.
00:43Get out.
00:43Wait, really?
00:44You were serious about that?
00:45That's a heart attack.
00:47Okay.
00:48Come on.
00:49You're taking this too far, Frank.
00:52You can come back!
00:54I learned my lesson!
00:57No jokes before coffee!
00:59No jokes before coffee!
01:07No jokes before coffee!
01:29so i've been microdosing mushrooms for anxiety but my rabbits have gotten into my special
01:35chocolate bars oh that was faster than i thought this gentleman's bunnies ate his drugs they've
01:41been acting really aggressive they look pretty chill to me yeah but in a circling the wagons
01:49conspiratorial sort of way look at them plotting something evil okay so the rabbits are handling
01:57their hive better than their owner but sure we'll take them in for observation hey hippies
02:02sorry summer love's over time to sleep it off downtown what is happening hey ow jeez my god
02:13come on ow retreat retreat jeez i told you they're in a very bad headspace what the hell
02:20did you put in those chocolates i used to be a cop i busted international primates i'm getting
02:26hey i thought you were brave you guys know about this taco truck up the street the breakfast
02:30retos four stars what's over the first aid kit it's uh killer bunnies on recreational drugs bro
02:36really what kind you know like basic floppy eared no no no the drugs what kind of drugs i think
02:42it's like psychedelic mushrooms the homeowner makes his own chocolates really did he mention
02:48if it was straight or if it was cut with purity tested mdma did he mention this isn't bonnaroo
02:53these rabbits are higher than my uncle at thanksgiving and they're calling the shots
02:57everybody relax okay i got a couple rabbits at home i speak fluid bunny
03:04i mean you might want to film this could be a valuable teaching tool
03:08hey guys how are you doing you know i have two rabbits at home snowball and batman yeah we let
03:16the
03:16kids name them and they are just as cute and adorable as you uh-huh that's phyllis she's the mama
03:26oh aren't you a little love muffin
03:31oh get off me you man you bitch hey shred you're always trying to be smarter look up hoisted on
03:37one's
03:37own petard and it will literally be a picture of this get out
03:42okay uh should we call for backup bunny backup dude do you have any idea the ridicule that will come
03:47our way no we got this cuddle time is over
04:07hey so we're gonna need to collect the medicated chocolate for our vet so she can calibrate an overdose treatment
04:15right of course anything to help and um look i know i shouldn't be messing around with drugs
04:21i'm gonna turn over a new leaf right now yeah drugs uh bad uh make sure you get all of
04:27them
04:29you should be ashamed of yourself no i'm not not even a little bit i suspect his bars contain psilocybin
04:36and 2cb that combination is known to give you orgasms and make you feel like you've been launched
04:41into outer space and rabbits have no business experiencing pleasure like that okay just remember
04:46you promised to watch the kids this weekend okay they're very excited they picked out a movie and
04:49everything freaky friday it's a silly premise but uh motion really sneaks up on you yeah it does i will
04:55be there the chocolates are for tonight do you remember that guy i met in costa rica yeah the yogi
05:00or the
05:00surfer the yogi so he's in town but he's only free for one night he's really flexible just like not
05:07with
05:07his time right anyway what are you guys up to for your big date oh we're actually gonna go eat
05:11swedish meatballs at ikea and test out futons i know it sounds pathetic though i'm actually really
05:15excited maya and i we haven't been alone together in like months yeah yeah don't be insulted but i'm
05:20so glad i don't have your life well you're tempting fate because we could end up accidentally eating
05:26magic fortune cookies and end up switching places is that what happens in the movie i don't want to
05:32around it for you you just did that you just you like told me the ending maybe i didn't though
05:38or maybe i did
05:43oh at least it's donut wednesday
05:49what abomination is this whose day is it i want answers i want revenge
05:54okay but is it okay if i have some jicama because i love jicama
05:58no i want revenge shout it with me revenge revenge revenge make it sound playful pull some
06:04fury behind it revenge revenge revenge revenge revenge i'm on the phone with my daughter's teacher
06:14there's been a horrible accident i gotta call you back
06:16revenge revenge revenge revenge
06:20probably take responsibility donut wednesday dolores it's a sacred tradition
06:25handed down to us by the romans you defiled this holy tabernacle with your crew this is our
06:30tabernacle dolores okay this office has a serious case of the late morning sugar blues and someone
06:36had to intervene how dare you act unilaterally it's america it's donuts
06:42shred throw that away oh come on it's just a jicama mistake throw it away spit it out it's very
06:47disappointing how's my favorite underperforming precinct doing oh you sad sad man you drove across town just
06:55make fun of us for the rabbits what rabbits i didn't hear anything about rabbits because there
06:59were no rabbits hey emily got your speech ready who told you about that she's giving the keynote at
07:06the aaco luncheon today whoa i don't know what it stands for but congrats why didn't you tell us i
07:11i just i get a little nervous so i just wanted to keep it under the radar that's why i'm
07:15here i spoke
07:16last year and whoo stressful and i know how much you hate public speaking so yeah but i've been
07:23practicing so i think i'll be good of course no worries only a couple hundred people in the
07:28audience and uh they film it and post it on their website and it's up there forever so nobody looks
07:33at it yes they do i watched your speech templeton several times so funny big fan what kind of truck
07:40does a pig drive a ambulance that line killed anyway uh happy to step in for you and i promise
07:49you
07:49the audience will not be disappointed thank you so much um but shouldn't you be on patrol or something
07:54heading out now oh what's that looks like i have an email that is stuck in my outbox
08:04boom fixed it enjoy a gleefully vindictive message from officer templeton dutch that jerk got a hold of
08:13body cam footage oh he did know about the river look at you guys running away from the little rabbit
08:20we were regrouping are you are you are you kidding me what what are these green peppers okay i support
08:26healthy choices dolores but it is donut wednesday i am stressed and i need sugar so you need to fix
08:33this
08:35revenge revenge
08:42hey hey try not to let templeton get in your head oh yeah uh too late uh he is uh
08:47he is in there
08:48okay listen i used to get really nervous before big competitions like it got bad so i remember my coach
08:55hooked me up with this sports psychologist who gave me some cool relaxation techniques if you want to try
08:59okay yeah okay because my heart is um really pounding okay um so close your eyes okay take a deep
09:08breath and imagine yourself on a mountain now you're about to start a race against this big ass swiss dude
09:15wait no sorry visualize yourself giving the speech confident calm looking superfly in your business suit
09:23and the crowd is loving it they're chanting your name emily emily emily emily well it's it's a professional
09:33conference so there's not really a whole lot of chanting no chanting no that's too bad okay then just
09:41visualize yourself absolutely crushing the speech okay how's your heart rate
09:50it is actually better you're gonna meddle for sure
10:00oh um remind me in my outfit you said i looked um superfly superfly okay
10:16okay okay only one big question left who's going to step up and be my emergency contact
10:23don't you have family you can ask my dad died my mom moved to florida but she's got a sweet
10:28condo on
10:29the beach and she says anytime i want to bring down my emergency contact for a little sand and
10:33see she has a room waiting oh well i hope you and that guy without boundaries have fun with your
10:38mom
10:39no no no no no no no no guys who ate one of my chocolate bars there were three and
10:46now there's two
10:47and they were hidden way at the back with my freaking name on it if your name's on it that's
10:51sacrosanct
10:52you can look that word up shred sacrosanct although i did eat patel's ice cream bar what i was saving
10:58that for my end of the week treat oh you were intolerable yesterday it demanded a response why
11:03because i said the mariners don't have a shot this year say it again you can kiss your tuna sandwich
11:07goodbye the mariners don't have a shot this year oh that tuna sandwich is gonna taste great don't
11:11have a shot right you don't have a shot okay i think we're done here i need to know who
11:14ate my
11:15chocolate bar shred check the waste baskets now thanks great uh those chocolate bars released with
11:20high-grade hallucinogenics have you seen double rainbow someone's about to be ten times more like
11:25that guy than that guy was hey did emily make it back uh i'm not sure i was gonna give
11:32her a ride
11:32but she ran off after her presentation um came this way it's just we're in the middle of a bit
11:37of a
11:37crisis it's just weird because her speech went so well she was funny talking off the cuff she even sang
11:44at one point oh god emily ate the chocolate all of it it looks that way yeah code red my
11:54thin mints
11:55are missing gone without a trace she's binging actually i threw the cookies out you'll thank me
12:00later actually i will not thank you i will not thank you dolores i want my own refrigerator okay
12:07dolores i want my own refrigerator
12:13so who's your emergency contact my father oh i didn't know you were close with your dad we're not
12:18i hate that son of a bitch then why did you choose him well if something happens to me he's
12:22on the hook
12:23with any luck i'll be a vegetable requiring 24-hour care that makes me sad bro my dad was my
12:29best
12:29friend yeah of course he was my only regret is i never got to tell him how much he meant
12:33to me
12:34i mean he probably knew because i told him i loved him every day except when my phone died which
12:38happened
12:39a lot when i was competing in europe because i didn't have the right plugs point is don't leave things
12:44unsaid call your dad you know they make those three-in-one adapters they have for years really
12:54now i have two regrets chuck 12 pet python escaped its enclosure 7276 south kenwood and get this it's jt
13:02wallace's house holy crap jt wallace oh who's that are you serious the wide receiver for the seahawks
13:10in what world could i have been your emergency contact get out really we're doing this again
13:15nah i can't even look at you
13:22don't look at me
13:26how the hell are we gonna find it i don't know it's just like looking for someone's lost mind oh
13:31so we
13:31put out some beef strips and stand behind a bush i know you're kidding but do you have beef strips
13:35everything i was gonna eat today got senselessly ripped away from me no i don't eat gassy foods on
13:39six days oh how's it going with the yogi by the way do you like him as a person he's
13:45done so much
13:45healing he's healed himself right out of an actual personality but in bed and i say this as someone
13:51with a sufficiently large sample pool uh he's detail oriented i used to be detail oriented that was before
13:58i was tired all the time maybe you should try some of this i'll give you a little no i
14:05can't eat that
14:05yes you can give it a shot it makes everything feel amazing and you're not really doing anything
14:09different it's almost like cheating my life's not built for that every night i'm taking a kid to the
14:14er or talking another one down from a nightmare last night it was global warming i can't discuss
14:20polar ice caps all high and horny oh my god is that emily
14:38even see how colors
14:42she she almost beat me yeah asher knows all the shortcuts hey good luck with your girlfriend
14:47buddy i sincerely hope everything works out thank god you're here hurry
14:54he was cleaning the cage holy crap it's huge frank have you ever dealt with something like this before
15:01no and i can't tell you how much but something that's not nothing just slipped out of me into my
15:05underwear it's getting tighter just remain calm we're gonna unwind it from you shred grab the head
15:11i'm not grabbing the head man it's scary and gross the seahawks have a very shallow depth chart
15:15now grab the head i'm not touching that thing i was led to believe this job was mostly dogs help
15:19him
15:20this thing is super strong grab something shred okay but i'm closing my eyes this is a bad time to
15:25tell you that i'm a big fan yes okay well it would just seem phony if i didn't say anything
15:31right
15:31that's it man you get this thing off me i'll sign anything you want really yeah how about a football
15:35yes how about a jersey yes my helmet yes what about one of those breast cancer awareness hats
15:40anything yeah collectible oh yeah i thought i was gonna die okay guys yeah it's on me now
15:53if i don't make it beat the rams oh my god emily hey hey how's it going girl oh man
16:04you were
16:04really good out there weren't you playing high school yeah what are you guys doing here oh we just uh
16:10we just came to take you back to the office to the office oh no i'm not going back yeah
16:18i'm i'm never
16:19going back bye oh my whole body's buzzing i've never felt more alive dude that snake had plans for
16:34you i'm going to brush with death on an encounter with a world-class athlete okay that's obviously a
16:40little bit hurtful like i came in seventh at pyeongchang but i know it's a niche sport listen
16:44don't get needy but you were pretty good back there really you're already being needy i won't
16:49say another word except that after this i can't imagine being in battle with anyone else snake
16:54brothers forever 100 did this to myself again give me those forms what what did i do give me those
17:01forms you'll be my emergency contact gave them to me don't get hurt because i'm pulling the plug for
17:11anything
17:11i mean i went to vienna once but i mostly just stayed in the hotel like what was i afraid
17:35of
17:37i can't do this i am afraid of so many things what does that mean you can go this is
17:43my fault
17:44anyway and i've done this like a hundred times but listen if you need anything anything at all just
17:49don't call me bye emily whoa you have gorgeous teeth thank you okay wait wait did you know
18:02i can name every country in south america no no okay um i can Venezuela yeah Ecuador i deserve this
18:11Colombia Paraguay
18:18well look what the cat dragged in it's nice to see you too dad look um i had a near
18:25-death experience
18:25today and i don't know i don't want to die with things left unsaid i'm listening anyway i just want
18:34you to know that you're a terrible father who never had my back and i want you to rot in
18:39hell
18:43so that's it those are the two items
18:47well look uh you came this far at least come in and have a beer did you just hear what
18:52i said yeah
18:53bad father and uh the rotting thing you want a beer or not
18:58what kind you got right there i've been drinking a saint beer since i was 12. you
19:04too good for rainier now i've always been too good for rainier what are you like a hundred now
19:10french guyana regular guyana chili argentina hang on i have to get that wait no please no no you'll
19:18be fine you'll be fine eat your cereal sorry i don't have any milk i know it's dry
19:23okay hi i'm so happy to see you yeah you too as a tantric exercise i've abstained from sex for
19:29three months i intend to focus all of that stored up energy on you
19:33surname i forgot surname who's that is she going to participate or just watch no there was an office
19:41fridge mix-up and now she's in another dimension uh i'm gonna have to stay here and take care of
19:46it but when she comes down i could text you three months is a really long time and i have
19:54a few
19:54other friends in seattle but i'll be back in august bye victoria okay bye cool
20:02can i tell you something yeah of course i only got my job because of connections in the mayor's office
20:10so i don't deserve that i'm a fraud that's not true that's the drugs talking everyone thinks you're
20:16great really yeah you're great you're my best friend oh really okay that's that's really nice
20:28hello you were right these chocolates are a game changer maya called her mom she picked up the kids
20:34we got the whole night to ourselves wait are you seriously calling me post six yeah post pre pre pre
20:41you never know oh victoria you're gonna need to hold me i'm starting to panic about climate change
20:47oh my god we ate the fortune cookies oh and they were mighty delicious freaky friday baby
20:55always count on me hello mr mayor keep shining oh keep smiling knowing you can always count on me
21:06everybody for sure oh i'm going really really wide with this that's what friends are for adopt these dogs
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