- 1 day ago
Category
š„
Short filmTranscript
00:02Hey, Gregory, you want to watch a movie together on the plane?
00:04Oh, sorry. I prefer the raw dog flights.
00:06Just stare straight ahead, no distractions.
00:09God, you're cool.
00:10Hello, ladies.
00:11This is great and all, but I don't understand why we couldn't drive ourselves to the airport.
00:15Because, see, this way we don't have to pay for parking.
00:17Although, usually, I just borrowed Captain Rob's fire decals,
00:21and I parked that thing right by the gate.
00:23Well, I'm not complaining, because the school district is sending this mommy to Miami.
00:28Have no fear, I'm here.
00:30As soon as Janine changes, we can go.
00:32I call shotgun!
00:35What are you doing here?
00:36Yeah, Mr. J., this conference is for teachers.
00:38You're forgetting I subbed a few classes.
00:40These kids wouldn't know squat about hip replacements if it wasn't for me.
00:43Well, he did substitute teach, though.
00:46Okay, but the district didn't buy you a plane ticket.
00:48A plane what?
00:49See you later, Mr. Johnson.
00:52Guess I won't be taking my talents to South Beach after all.
00:55I'll take care of my old man.
01:23I'll take care of my old man.
01:26I'll take care of my old man.
01:28I'll take care of my old man.
01:29Is that you?
01:31A fan or a hater? I can never tell.
01:33You're the liaison for District 51. I'm 54.
01:36But people are saying you are a rising star.
01:39Okay, who is saying that?
01:41I want their names so I can hug them.
01:43They'll all be at the liaison's liaison, liator.
01:47Wow, we are at the corny convention.
01:51Liaison, liator. I got you.
01:54Hey, Shumenty and Howard.
01:56Hey, Joy.
01:56Thank you so much again.
01:57Happy pecs to you.
01:58Love the fanny pack.
01:59You guys hear about all these crazy rumors?
02:02I try to avoid rumors because I'm addicted to them spill the beans.
02:06Superintendent got fired from embezzling money.
02:08School of the Future is becoming AI only.
02:11They're shutting down 15 schools.
02:13And after Representative Sloss got slapped,
02:15she's using it as an excuse to get a facelift.
02:17Wait, sorry, 15 schools?
02:18That can't be true.
02:20It was a pretty hard slap, though.
02:21Guys, wait up!
02:23Pecs is full of rumors that always turn out to be unfounded.
02:26Yeah, our jobs will continue to be safe.
02:30Miserable and terribly paid.
02:31So just cheer up, kids.
02:34All right, well, I'm gonna go find the other reps.
02:35I'm sure they want some FaceTime with their rising star.
02:38All right.
02:39You could say I'm the Chase Infinity of the ways.
02:41We're gonna go get our badges.
02:44Ooh!
02:44Putting on this badge feels like putting on an Olympic medal.
02:47Nice.
02:48About feels like a badge.
02:49Come on.
02:50Hey!
02:51Didn't think I see you two here.
02:52Yeah, of course we are.
02:53Well, we wouldn't miss it.
02:54This is so exciting.
02:55You guys should come to this panel with me.
02:57I thought the panels didn't start till tomorrow.
02:59Nope.
03:00Attendance was so high this year that they had to start early.
03:02Oh, okay.
03:06Comedy and sensuality?
03:08Is this a Pexa weekend?
03:09Pexa weekend.
03:11Whoa.
03:11What are the odds?
03:13Nah, I'm here for the Mostly Fans convention.
03:15Oh!
03:16Mostly Fans is here.
03:19Fun!
03:19Oh!
03:20I thought that some of the teachers had a hornier vibe than usual.
03:24And if you're wondering whether I'm a fan or a creator...
03:27I'm not wondering.
03:28Of course, I dip my toes into both.
03:30Oh.
03:30If you catch my drift.
03:31I don't want to catch anything here.
03:32So, are you ready?
03:34Uh...
03:36Oh, isn't that your ex-wife over there?
03:38Which one?
03:41Wait a minute.
03:42How do you know my ex-wife...
03:45It's rare for the school to be deserted even on the weekends.
03:48Teachers like to come in and work.
03:50Because they're strange people.
03:52So, I'm deep cleaning the place why everyone's in Florida having fun without me.
03:56But the joke's on them.
03:59I don't even like Miami.
04:01I love it.
04:03Shoot, I forgot my book in the room.
04:05I'll be right back.
04:06Uh, what are your eyes gonna do with a book while I'm sitting right here?
04:12Well, hello.
04:13Are you on Mostly Fans?
04:16Um, sorry.
04:18Out of your league.
04:19B-Y-E-B-B-L?
04:21Hey.
04:24You know what?
04:25Maybe it'll be safer if I go get your book.
04:28Until I return.
04:30Thanks, baby.
04:33Hey, sis.
04:34Thanks for saving me a seat.
04:36Oh, my goodness.
04:38I thought we weren't gonna see you all weekend.
04:40Had to find out if the rumors were true.
04:42And O'Shawn was getting too much unwanted attention,
04:43so I left them in the room with the door locked.
04:46Uh-oh.
04:47Uh-oh.
04:48Flying low.
04:49For some high fives.
04:51Not seeing any yet.
04:52No.
04:53Oh, I got one.
04:54I'll take it.
04:54Uh-oh.
04:55Here we go.
04:56Damn.
04:57It's dangerous.
05:00Hello, Pexa Weekend!
05:05As the saying goes,
05:07Bienvenido a Florida.
05:08Oh, we have so many wonderful things in store.
05:10We have booked an authentic Cuban band from Tampa
05:14for the, uh, famous Pexa party.
05:16There's a caricaturist by the bathroom.
05:19Numerous lectures.
05:20I'm excited to say that we finally have
05:23one of our most tenured teachers,
05:25leading one, tomorrow morning.
05:27Let's give it up for Barbara Howard!
05:29Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
05:31We've been hearing wild rumors,
05:33and we need to know what's going on.
05:35Okay, this is not a Q&A, but sure.
05:37I'll address this one real quick.
05:39It's true.
05:40Superintendent Reynolds has been let go.
05:44But, but, our new acting superintendent
05:46will be here on Sunday.
05:47We are on top of it.
05:48You may sit down.
05:50Okay, so what about AI schools?
05:53These rumors are ridiculous.
05:55I assure you, AI schools are not happening.
05:58We looked into it.
05:59It's too expensive.
06:00Okay, what about the rumor
06:01that 15 schools are closing?
06:02You cannot believe everything you hear.
06:0515 schools are not closing.
06:07I told you.
06:08It's 20 schools.
06:10What?
06:11I know, I know, I know!
06:13But I assure you, it is well thought out.
06:16This has been based on concrete criteria
06:18involving the safety of school buildings,
06:21performance, and neighborhood vulnerability.
06:23It only is partly a money issue,
06:25as we have run out of it,
06:27only partly because of the embezzling
06:28and flying you all to Miami.
06:30Okay, which schools are closing?
06:32Guys, did you hear me say
06:35there are caricatures?
06:37Which schools?
06:38Fine.
06:39I will read the list,
06:40since you all are so concerned.
06:44The 20 schools closing are
06:46Addington Elementary,
06:50Bates Academy,
06:51Cast High.
06:52Wait, he's going in alphabetical order.
06:54That means I happen to say.
06:55Yeah.
06:55All these people are losing their jobs.
06:57Once again, you're welcome.
06:59I hope you all remember my services
07:00when I'm up for re-election.
07:02Ultra Academy,
07:04Vernon Elementary,
07:04and finally,
07:06Abbott Elementary.
07:09What about the list being alphabetical?
07:12Oh, yeah.
07:13It did seem that way, huh?
07:15Funny coincidence.
07:16I can re-read them in that order
07:18if it makes you feel better.
07:19I'm going to kill him.
07:21No, no, no.
07:21No, Abbott Elementary.
07:22I've been shot.
07:23Come on.
07:23Okay.
07:24Bates Academy.
07:25I cannot believe
07:26they're going to shut down Abbott.
07:28I mean, what am I supposed to do?
07:29Not teach at Abbott?
07:31I think that's what we're all
07:32going to have to not do.
07:33Might have to go on unemployment.
07:34And I'm probably going to have
07:35to raise the rent.
07:37I have worked too long
07:38and too hard
07:39to start all over again
07:40somewhere else.
07:42This might be it for me.
07:43Thank God being principal
07:44is my lowest paying job.
07:46Well, I am not going to
07:47take this sitting down.
07:49Or maybe sitting down
07:50is exactly what I need to do.
07:52Jacob, don't do a sit-in.
07:54The pants are white.
07:55Oh.
07:57And we're just supposed
07:58to take this?
07:59No.
07:59Not me.
08:00Nope.
08:01No.
08:01I am going to do something.
08:03I don't know what I'm going to do,
08:04but I'm going to go out there
08:05and I'm going to figure it out
08:06and don't you try to stop me.
08:08I know not to.
08:08There's a 24-hour
08:09naked and afraid marathon on.
08:10For whatever reason,
08:11watching them try to start
08:12a fire in the nude
08:12causes me to do my best thinking.
08:14And you'll be prepared
08:15in case we need
08:15to live off the land.
08:16Exactly.
08:18You stay here.
08:19I'll walk the hotel
08:20and when we meet back,
08:21maybe we'll have a solution.
08:24I love you.
08:25I love you too.
08:30I can't believe
08:31I got my spark back
08:32just to lose it
08:32and my job too.
08:37Welcome everyone.
08:38We are Barbara Howard
08:40and Melissa Chimente
08:41from Abbott Elementary.
08:43And this is the joy of teaching.
08:46It should be called
08:47the rage of teaching.
08:48Um, Melissa,
08:49I don't think that...
08:49You know that this woman
08:50has given her whole life
08:53to this job.
08:54For what?
08:55For what?
08:56Once we're taking the nuts.
08:57That's what.
08:58What are we going to do?
09:00Well, there's nothing you can do.
09:02Except you take all you can
09:03while you can
09:04because screw the man.
09:06Screw the man.
09:07Yeah, yeah.
09:07Here's what you're going to do.
09:08You're going to take that
09:09for damn money.
09:10You're going to blow it
09:11all on the mini bar.
09:12Those overpriced chocolates,
09:14lick them,
09:15put them back.
09:15And those tiny tequilas,
09:17bring those to me
09:18because school is out.
09:20Oh, yeah.
09:26Dang.
09:28Got my money
09:28on the water bottle.
09:30Uh-oh.
09:32I sprayed away
09:33the parking lines.
09:34Damn.
09:35Hell no.
09:37We won't go.
09:37Hell no.
09:38Okay, this is our moment.
09:39District's coming.
09:40Okay, he will not pass through
09:41our sit-in
09:42without meeting our demands.
09:43Hi, teachers.
09:44Bye, teachers.
09:48I think he's buckling.
09:52Hey, Janine.
09:53Techs are going well?
09:55Oh.
09:56Morton.
09:56Oh, no.
09:57You haven't heard yet.
09:58Okay.
09:59The district announced
10:00that they're shutting Abbott down.
10:02But that school's home to me.
10:03I know.
10:03For all of us.
10:04No.
10:05It's literally home.
10:06I live there.
10:07Oh.
10:08Hey, Morton.
10:08You ready for the next panel?
10:10Janine, this is Sally.
10:11She's huge on Mostly Fans.
10:13Oh.
10:13I sit on cakes.
10:15Not as weird as it sounds.
10:16I'm fully clothed.
10:18Most of the time.
10:19Yeah.
10:19Anyway, you thinking of joining
10:21Mostly Fans?
10:22Uh, well, I do need to supplement
10:25my income or obtain an income.
10:28Well, then come to the panel with us.
10:30Lots of teachers have to find
10:32other ways to make money.
10:33I guess it couldn't hurt to listen.
10:36There are so many different kinds
10:37of cakes that you could sit on.
10:38I mean, sheet cakes, cupcakes,
10:41mini cupcakes,
10:44bundt cake.
10:45Oh.
10:47He's not a celebrity, you know.
10:49Don't do anything weird with that.
10:51Oh, it's so annoying.
10:53It's just like high school all over again.
10:55We need to, like, ugly you up.
10:56What you think?
10:57Shave my beard?
10:58And release that jawline?
10:59Get out of here.
11:00There are so many different ways
11:01to attract fans.
11:02You can give fitness advice,
11:04cooking tips, share your music.
11:07As for me, I used to think
11:08my farts were worthless,
11:09but they're not.
11:10Now I put them in jars and sell them,
11:12and that's how I bought
11:13a multi-million dollar home,
11:15and you can too.
11:16So I want you to ask yourself,
11:18what's your fart in a jar?
11:20Yeah!
11:21Yeah!
11:22Yeah!
11:23Yeah!
11:23Yeah!
11:24Yeah!
11:25Yeah!
11:26Yeah!
11:26Yeah!
11:26Yeah!
11:27Yeah!
11:28Yeah!
11:28Yeah!
11:35Wow, I'm good.
11:37Maybe too good.
11:38Now I don't know if I can be seen with you.
11:40I feel free.
11:45I've been on a hunger strike
11:46since right after breakfast.
11:48Melissa, do you mind if I just smell
11:49your pigs in a blanket?
11:50Oh, listen, Garni,
11:51I'm telling you,
11:52keep your nose out my food.
11:54Well, it looks like the fire
11:56from your impassioned speech
11:57has been officially extinguished.
12:03Hey, what's the matter with you?
12:04I thought you were gonna get wild.
12:06Reality is setting in.
12:08We're sad.
12:13You know what?
12:15No, not on my watch.
12:17Mm-mm.
12:19Uh, pardoname.
12:21This is an emergentia.
12:25Okay, listen up, everybody.
12:27I know you're upset,
12:29and I know it isn't fair,
12:31but if this is gonna be our last hurrah,
12:35let's turn this place out!
12:42And it's an open bar!
12:45No, it's not.
12:47Oh, yes, it is.
12:49An open bar!
12:52All right, screw it.
12:53My mom's a teacher.
12:57Now is the time for civil disobedience.
13:03Let's burn the place down!
13:06Let's burn the place down!
13:13You into what with who?
13:15I know!
13:16I was desperate!
13:18Oh, my God!
13:19Look, you know what I learned?
13:21The gig economy is hard work.
13:23I can't hack it!
13:25I don't wanna put anything in jars.
13:27I'm glad I don't know what that means.
13:29Gregory, I just want to be a teacher!
13:32But what if the universe doesn't want me to be one?
13:35The universe wants you to be happy.
13:38More importantly, that's what I want.
13:42I promise you, when we get back,
13:44we'll figure all of that stuff out, okay?
13:46But now, let's just...
13:48Let's just have fun.
13:50All right, I'm gonna go help Jacob.
13:52I warned him not to starve and dance.
13:54He's gonna pass out.
14:02I'm glad you're here.
14:03No, I'm glad you're here,
14:05because you know what?
14:06We gotta spend more time together.
14:07I love you!
14:09I admire you!
14:10I'm serious!
14:11I actually am happy!
14:12Wait, wait, wait!
14:13I got an idea!
14:14Let's call Ma and tell her you're pregnant!
14:17Ha ha ha ha!
14:18Push your many scissors back!
14:20Push your many scissors back!
14:22Here we go!
14:24Who wants you to be pregnant?
14:25So walk my plank with Sivabra!
14:28Woo!
14:29Permission to come aboard!
14:31Permission denied!
14:36How you holdin' up, man?
14:38This Abbott news is crazy!
14:40I'm tryin' to stay positive for Jadine,
14:42but honestly, I'm freakin' out.
14:45Mmm.
14:46My life is finally coming together.
14:50Teaching was goin' well.
14:52Honestly, no offense.
14:53I was hopin' that one day,
14:54end up with your girlfriend's job.
14:55Aw, nah, you don't want that smoke,
14:57but I could see you as a principal.
15:01Everything's just so up in the air now.
15:04What are our lives gonna look like now?
15:06I mean, we just got through this huge fight
15:09and was stronger for it.
15:11It made me realize I wanted to take things
15:13to the next level, but now...
15:16Alright.
15:17Next level?
15:18You mean, you mean like...
15:27Nice!
15:28Alright, Miami!
15:29I'm about to jump off this stage!
15:33Who's gonna catch me?
15:36Who's gonna catch me?
15:37Who's gonna catch me?
15:38Who's gonna catch me?
15:39Who's gonna catch me?
15:40Who's gonna catch me?
15:43Who's gonna catch me?
15:45We need to, like, hydrate lots of electrolytes.
15:49I just wanna thank you all
15:50for not allowing me to jump into that crowd last night.
15:53Barb, you did jump into the crowd last night.
15:55Alright.
15:56Look alive, everyone.
15:57Meeting with the new superintendent.
15:59This might be our last chance.
16:00Hey, you know what?
16:03Let's not go.
16:05What?
16:06I had so much fun last night,
16:08and if that's gonna be my final memory
16:10as a teacher at Abbott,
16:12then I wanna hold on to it.
16:15Yeah, me too.
16:15Yeah.
16:16Not gonna fire me twice.
16:17They already fired you twice.
16:19Well, third time ain't gonna be the charm.
16:21Alright.
16:21Well, I just can't let this go yet.
16:26You got this, Jacob?
16:27We're with you.
16:28Round of shots for when he comes back defeated.
16:31Purple.
16:32Yeah.
16:32Hair of the dog.
16:33Okay.
16:34Ava, it's just the way.
16:36Ava.
16:36For the most part, these teachers will stalk you all the weekend.
16:39Excuse me.
16:40Oh, here we go.
16:41Hi, I'm Jacob Hill, one of the liaison reps.
16:43Are you the new superintendent?
16:45Acting superintendent.
16:46Derek Collins, nice to meet you.
16:47We have to get going.
16:48I'm sorry, but I just have to speak up for my school
16:51that you are closing, Abbott Elementary.
16:53We have gone through so much this year.
16:55A teacher fell through the ceiling.
16:57We were in a mall for a month after our furnace broke.
16:59Which cost a fortune to fix.
17:01I'm so sorry to hear that, but unfortunately my hands are tied.
17:03Have a good day, Jacob.
17:04Yeah, but...
17:05What's that about money for a furnace?
17:07It was so expensive.
17:09Hey!
17:10Y'all wanna see a dead body?
17:12I mean, who doesn't?
17:13Anyway, now that I have your attention,
17:15I got a little proposition for you.
17:16Hey, how'd you do?
17:20Well, RIP Abbott Elementary.
17:22Oh, well...
17:25We had some good times at Abbott.
17:27Yeah.
17:27Yeah, we did.
17:28Remember when I set the school on fire?
17:29Yup.
17:30And I met the love of my life at Abbott Elementary.
17:33Aw, Captain Rob.
17:34No sweet cheeks, but also Captain Rob.
17:36And I met the love of mine, yeah, in a bathroom,
17:40covered in pee, standing next to a reverse seat toilet.
17:43We should come up with a new story of how we met.
17:45Yeah.
17:45Yeah.
17:45Oh, I'm gonna miss our kids.
17:47Yeah.
17:47Oh, you snakes.
17:49How much you bribing?
17:50What are you talking about, Looney Tunes?
17:52They just made an announcement on stage.
17:54Abbott got spared.
17:56What?
17:56Oh, what?
17:57Oh, no.
17:59Oh, no.
17:59Okay, come on, come on.
18:02Man, this is not worth five bucks.
18:05Seriously.
18:06Hopefully.
18:06Hope you take travelers checks.
18:10Oh.
18:10Yes.
18:11Hi.
18:12Um, excuse me.
18:13What happened?
18:14You said there was no way Abbott would be safe.
18:15I did, but I received some new information that changed things.
18:18Was it our test scores?
18:19At a rate of improvement.
18:21Uh, no.
18:22No.
18:23Actually, it was your furnace.
18:24What?
18:25Yeah, it doesn't make sense for us to close a school that we've already put that much money
18:27into.
18:28The only fiscally responsible thing to do is to keep it open, so you're open.
18:31Woo!
18:32Oh, my God, I can delete my mostly fans.
18:35Your what?
18:35Now, there's some housekeeping to do.
18:37In order to make this work, we're going to have to let some people go.
18:39We're going to need those funds to hire an assistant principal to share the load of
18:43a bigger school.
18:44I know just the person.
18:46Oh.
18:48My friend Lena needs a job.
18:49Yep.
18:50Okay, and we kind of like to keep it in-house, if possible?
18:53Yeah, well, our first grade teacher, Gregorietti, was briefly interim principal.
18:56I did an excellent job.
18:57Yes.
18:58Well, that'll work.
18:58I still think y'all sleeping on Lena, but Gregory, I guess you're my assistant principal.
19:05So, I came to Miami.
19:06I lost my job, my future.
19:08My girlfriend became a cam girl.
19:10Then I got a promotion and a raise, and Janine's a teacher again.
19:14And I also got to watch that episode of Naked and Afraid where that guy loses 37 pounds
19:17and gets a flesh-eating bacteria.
19:18So, I'd say it's been a perfect trip.
19:24My disguise must be wearing off.
19:26No.
19:27I'm starting to think maybe they can, since you have a good heart or whatever.
19:32Oh, my God.
19:33Stop fishing.
19:35So much for burning it all down.
19:38That was just an expression.
19:39Well, I set my room on fire.
19:42You do you, girl.
19:43Yeah.
19:43Good for you.
19:48You know, this whole thing's got me thinking I should get more involved with the district.
19:52Maybe I could, like, make things better.
19:55Yeah, I think you'd be really good at it.
19:56You're the kind of guy we need down there.
20:00Okay, the humidity has made me a sappy son of a bitch, all right?
20:03So what?
20:06Congrats, assistant principal.
20:07Yeah.
20:09Hey, you and Ava gonna make a great team.
20:11You think so?
20:12Just don't interrupt her nap time.
20:13You'll be good.
20:14Oh, yeah?
20:16Assuming your big life plans are still on, our help set up Wi-Fi on Jewelers Road could get you
20:23a discount if you're interested.
20:33Yeah, I think I might take you up on that.
20:42What the hell?
20:44Is it me or are these parking spots getting smaller?
20:47Who painted this a blind man?
20:48Careful.
20:49What?
20:50Jacob!
20:51Oh!
20:52Don't hit my car!
20:54Oh, okay.
20:58Now what?
21:01The one day I drive.
21:05Alright.
21:08Oh!
21:10Morning.
21:12Good morning.
21:14Eh, let's go.
21:17The one day I forget my bag.
21:23Delicious.
21:25Delicious.
Comments