- 6 hours ago
Taskmaster - Season 21 Episode 3 -
A Creepy Bit Of Advice
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A Creepy Bit Of Advice
tele: https://t.me/TopFilmUSA1
#film#shows#usa#usashows#hot#filmhot
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:33Hello and welcome to Taskmaster
00:36Five comedy show ponies put through their paces at the Gymkhana of laughs
00:41The Grand National of juggles, the dressage of mirth
00:45Who will get off to a good start on firm ground today?
00:48Who will refuse at the first jump?
00:50And who, God forbid, will have to be humanely destroyed?
00:54Let's find out now!
00:56Please welcome Amy Gladhill!
01:00Armando Iannucci!
01:03Joanna Payne!
01:04Joel Domecht!
01:06And Kamel Nanjani!
01:11And next to me, a man who is surprising in so, so many ways.
01:16He loves to paint, for example.
01:17He's a keen bird watcher and he has a tattoo on his lower back
01:21that simply reads, Free Britney.
01:24LAUGHTER
01:27Little Alex Hall
01:30I just think it's about time.
01:32Better have.
01:34How are you going to irritate me in the first two minutes of this show?
01:37I'm not going to irritate you.
01:38I've got something that I'm going to show you that you're going to love.
01:41Mm.
01:41Because I got my very first smartphone.
01:44LAUGHTER
01:46You want to see it?
01:47Yeah!
01:48It's a smartphone.
01:49Oh.
01:50It's a smart...
01:51Look, there's a little face.
01:53A smartphone.
01:54It's all dressed up smart.
01:55Right.
01:56Yeah?
01:57I thought you'd like that.
01:58I mean, I think two things.
01:59I'm irritated because that will be the end of the joke.
02:01There'll be no...
02:02Right?
02:02Or you think there should be more?
02:03Is there a follow-up?
02:04I knew...
02:05I knew you were going to say that.
02:06Note to self.
02:06Make sure you think of a follow-up to the really funny smartphone.
02:10LAUGHTER
02:12I sort of think there's something in that.
02:13I think sort of moronic teenagers would buy that, wouldn't they?
02:16Well, I've got three, so, yeah, maybe I'll ask them when we get home.
02:18Put the face up again?
02:19It's my face.
02:20Whee!
02:21LAUGHTER
02:26That's a thing, isn't it?
02:28Copyright.
02:29Copyright!
02:29LAUGHTER
02:30On with the prize task.
02:32What have they brought in this time?
02:33Well, Greg, we've still got loads of good ideas for prize task categories,
02:37but this week they've brought in the most fun thing to drag behind you
02:40on a piece of string when you go for a walk.
02:42LAUGHTER
02:42We all drag string behind us when we go for a walk,
02:45but what's the most fun thing to be on that string?
02:48Well, the owner of the thing judged to be most fun
02:50will be given five points by you, Greg.
02:51And also, this is important...
02:54No, actually, I'm done.
02:54LAUGHTER
02:56That was it.
02:58You've been quite funny today.
03:01Hello, Kamal.
03:02Greg, I'm a 47-year-old man, Greg.
03:05Yeah.
03:05And, to me, nothing is more fun than going to bed at a reasonable hour.
03:10So, what I would love to drag behind me on a piece of string
03:13is an early-to-bed kit.
03:16Let's look at it.
03:17OK.
03:18LAUGHTER
03:19It's a...
03:19It's a clock without an alarm set,
03:22melatonin,
03:23sleep mask
03:24and a diary
03:26with...
03:27One plan
03:27that they cancelled on me on!
03:30Oh, I'm getting hurt just thinking about it.
03:33LAUGHTER
03:35This is one sweet bit of kit.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:37You and I should hang out more often.
03:39LAUGHTER
03:40One giant bed.
03:42Yeah.
03:42Biscuits.
03:435pm dinner and then to bed.
03:45Joel, what's your fun thing to drag around on a bit of string?
03:48A parachute attached to your hip, right?
03:53Here is a video of me dragging such a thing behind me.
04:04You might have noticed, the sort of eagle-eyed amongst you,
04:07that there was some writing on that parachute.
04:09Prepare yourself, Greg.
04:10You're going to absolutely love this.
04:11Here we go.
04:12Shoot from the hip.
04:13It's a play on words.
04:14It's a play on...
04:14Don't like play on words.
04:16LAUGHTER
04:16I know you don't.
04:17Don't like it.
04:18I know you don't, but I was really...
04:20It's not clever.
04:20Puns aren't clever.
04:23Not a fan of the Masked Singer, I assume.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26I have not missed an episode.
04:30LAUGHTER
04:30I don't mind the play on words.
04:32I love you having a parachute,
04:35because you're far too healthy and fit and bouncy and happy,
04:38and I like the idea of you being slowed down occasionally.
04:41Nice.
04:42Amy, you're next.
04:43What have you brought in?
04:44Well, I brought a projector on wheels,
04:49projecting a fun video.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:52And it is a fun video.
04:55I shall be the judge of that.
04:58LAUGHTER
04:58This is what Amy brought in.
05:03LAUGHTER
05:06LAUGHTER
05:10That's just constantly playing.
05:11You have to charge the battery for 15 minutes,
05:13and it will play that for an hour.
05:14LAUGHTER
05:17It's, er...
05:18It's, er...
05:19I sort of think a phenomena of some kind.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23That it's only the long breast I can concentrate on.
05:26LAUGHTER
05:26I thought, what's fun?
05:32So you started with a blank canvas.
05:34Well, that blank sheet paper...
05:35What's in life, what's fun?
05:36What's fun?
05:37Circled it.
05:38Yeah.
05:38And then put a little circle in the middle of that circle.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:42And an even smaller one.
05:44LAUGHTER
05:45And then wrote fun bags.
05:47Fun bags.
05:49Fun bags.
05:49Literally fun.
05:51One of those bags isn't fun.
05:53Joanna.
05:54I have brought a hip flask in the shape of a fish full of sherry.
06:01Yes.
06:02LAUGHTER
06:03At last.
06:05Sensible voice.
06:06Now, my love of sherry started when I was about seven.
06:11LAUGHTER
06:13Because...
06:14Shrapping.
06:14So I lost my appetite after chicken pox.
06:17My nan, who was a matron in a hospital, told my mum the best way to get my appetite back
06:22was to give me sherry.
06:23It's funny how medical standards have changed, though, for you.
06:26LAUGHTER
06:26So my love of sherry started then.
06:28It then continued when we got our first dog, a spaniel...
06:32Oh, no.
06:32Hang on.
06:33LAUGHTER
06:35You weren't eight when you got the dog, were you?
06:37I...
06:37No, I was about eight.
06:38We're not going year by year.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41We used to take our dog for a walk down Park Mill,
06:44which was this lovely place in the woods,
06:46but there was a pub and then a big car park,
06:49and then you'd walk out the back and there'd be the woods.
06:51My dad would get the dog out, and then they'd go into the pub,
06:54get me a glass of sherry, and I'd have my glass of sherry,
06:57and then we'd go for our walk.
06:59And so that is why I think everything in life is better
07:02with a glass of sherry.
07:04So if I'm going for a walk, I would have a hip flask full of sherry.
07:09It's funny, isn't it?
07:10Not only have I had time to write down Joanna one point, I've...
07:13LAUGHTER
07:15I've drawn two flowers either side.
07:18Armando.
07:19Right.
07:20Fun.
07:20I thought, a person who you'd be surprised to meet,
07:25but then when you saw her you'd think,
07:26oh, yeah, that is fun, which is Lorraine Kelly.
07:28And I thought I could drag her on an improvised trolley.
07:32OK.
07:33Which is what I've done.
07:34Yes?
07:34No!
07:37APPLAUSE
07:43So the winner of the episode gets this cardboard cutout
07:47of Lorraine Kelly on a trolley.
07:49I don't know who that is.
07:50How dare you?
07:52That's like me asking you who Thomas Jefferson is.
07:55Lorraine Kelly drew up our constitution 200 times.
07:58LAUGHTER
08:01APPLAUSE
08:03And every morning defends it on air.
08:06LAUGHTER
08:06I really liked all of those,
08:08and it feels very mean to give Joanna one point,
08:11but there we are.
08:13LAUGHTER
08:14One point to Joanna.
08:15If you hadn't stuck the pun on it, it'd have been right up there.
08:17Two points to Joel, OK.
08:19Honestly, I think you'd be at the top of the pile
08:21if it wasn't for the long breast.
08:23Oh!
08:23Just three points.
08:24OK.
08:25A man after my own heart, four points.
08:27But how can I beat...
08:29How can anyone beat Lorraine Kelly being dragged on a trolley?
08:32Of course, five points.
08:34APPLAUSE
08:37What's up first, please, Alex?
08:40Er, well, we have an instruction-heavy task
08:43that will give everyone a brand-new earworm.
08:46Hmm?
08:47LAUGHTER
08:55You must now sing these words with me.
08:59Hello!
08:59Hello!
09:00Are you OK?
09:01Have a seat.
09:03OK.
09:06How are you?
09:07I'm good. Are you comfortable?
09:09Yeah, you're loud.
09:12Oh.
09:13Hello.
09:16OK.
09:17Before you open that...
09:18Yeah?
09:21Ah!
09:23Ah!
09:24Ah!
09:25Ah!
09:26Oh, this is hot.
09:27Bloody shit.
09:31Ah!
09:32Ah!
09:33Ah!
09:35Ah!
09:35Ah!
09:36Ah!
09:36Ah!
09:39It'd be better if the wind was going in a different direction.
09:42They're biodegradable, Joel.
09:44I'm glad you clarified that.
09:45Oh, my God.
09:46I wish I'd put those on first.
09:49I bet it's going to say,
09:50time started when the competitive animal goes off.
09:53I've seen this show.
09:56Nice to see you.
09:57Nice to see you.
09:57It's a lovely day for tasking.
10:00Put on the headphones,
10:02obey the instructions and build the tower.
10:04When you think you have built the correct tower,
10:06you must clap three times.
10:09Fastest correct tower wins.
10:11Your time started when you first blinked.
10:15Yeah, you did blink when the confetti went off.
10:17Oh, OK.
10:18Yeah.
10:19But...
10:19Yeah.
10:20I've seen this show.
10:22APPLAUSE
10:24Five grown adults who react to a confetti cannon going off
10:28in the way that normal people would react to being attacked
10:30by a tiger have to build a tower.
10:34Yes, they do.
10:35Shall we, then?
10:35We shall.
10:36And first up, it's the Edinburgh Comedy Award-winning
10:39stand-up Amy Gledhill and also Joel Donaldson.
10:46At the bottom of the tower, there is a red brick.
10:50At the top of the tower, there is a blue brick.
10:53On top of the bottom red brick, there is a yellow brick.
10:56You must hold up two green bricks within the next two seconds,
10:59otherwise Alex will dismantle your tower.
11:02Lovely.
11:03You must now sing blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
11:07Your turn.
11:08Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
11:11Now wink at the camera.
11:14Above the lowest yellow brick, there is a yellow brick.
11:17Above that yellow brick, there are two more bricks.
11:20Then a yellow brick.
11:21You must hold up a blue brick in your left hand
11:23and a red in your right hand in the next two seconds,
11:27otherwise Alex will dismantle your tower.
11:29Very nice.
11:30You've got some confetti in your hair.
11:31OK.
11:32You must now sing these words.
11:34Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
11:36Blue, red.
11:37Yellow, red, red.
11:39Oh.
11:40You can do better than that.
11:40That's close.
11:41From the bottom, it goes red, something, something, red,
11:45something, something, green, something, something, blue.
11:48The bottom brick should be red.
11:50Yes.
11:50Now wink at the camera.
11:53Now wink at the camera.
11:55Now wink at the camera.
11:57Now wink at the camera.
11:58Ah!
12:00Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
12:02That bit's right.
12:03The bottom brick is red.
12:05Yes, I know that.
12:06Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
12:08Is that clear?
12:09Now wave to the camera holding a red brick in your right hand
12:12and a blue brick in your left hand,
12:14otherwise Alex will dismantle your tower.
12:16What was that?
12:17Oh, fuck!
12:18I forgot which way around it was.
12:20No, please don't do it!
12:23She didn't wave to the camera, Charles.
12:24She didn't wave to the camera.
12:26Let's start again.
12:28Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow, yellow.
12:31Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
12:33Yeah.
12:35Now wave to the camera holding a red brick and a blue brick
12:38within the next two seconds,
12:39otherwise Alex will dismantle your tower.
12:45I have to dismantle your tower.
12:48Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
12:51Yellow, red, yellow, yellow, blue.
12:56I'll stop the clock.
12:58I'll stop the clock.
12:59You may remove your headphones.
13:00Is it right?
13:01Looks right to me.
13:04Fuck.
13:05You're annoying.
13:15Amy, I've got a question for you. Have you ever winked before?
13:22I can't do without opening my mouth and sort of doing these horrible things right now.
13:28Can we have a look at Amy's wink?
13:29Oh, no.
13:30OK, here's her wink.
13:33LAUGHTER
13:35Were you annoyed at any point?
13:38Um, yeah, I was.
13:39You were very sad when you grabbed them like a child.
13:41Oh, no!
13:42When you grabbed the tower.
13:43Well, I've never hugged a brick before.
13:45You said you've never held a brick before.
13:47That was the first time that I felt like I'd done manual labour.
13:52LAUGHTER
13:53The times are not that bad.
13:55Joel, 11 minutes 44, and Amy, 9 minutes 53.
13:58In the lead at the moment. Well done.
14:00Very good.
14:00Oh!
14:01How about...
14:02APPLAUSE
14:03Shut up!
14:04It's the end of part one.
14:05You think of what you're talking?
14:06Shut up!
14:10APPLAUSE
14:17Welcome back to Taskmaster, where Alex is tournamenting our cast with his horrible whiny voice.
14:23LAUGHTER
14:24Red, green, yellow, green, yellow.
14:26Oh!
14:26Yes, they just have to follow my simple instructions to stack the coloured bricks in the correct order.
14:31When happy with their order, they need to clap three times to end the task.
14:35I can't stress enough how important that bit is.
14:38And so comes the turn of two guys with very manly names.
14:41It's Armando and Kumail Hunky.
14:44LAUGHTER
14:47That...
14:48There.
14:48At the bottom of the tower, there is a red brick.
14:52At the top of the tower, there is a blue brick.
14:54Blue is the top.
14:56You must now sing these words with me.
14:59Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
15:02Your turn.
15:02Blue, green, yellow, yellow, green, yellow.
15:06Your turn.
15:07Blue, green, yellow, yellow, green, yellow.
15:19Where they go?
15:20From the bottom it goes, red, something, something, red.
15:23Something, something, green.
15:24Something, something, blue.
15:26Oh my God.
15:28Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
15:32Blue, Red, yellow, yellow, red.
15:41Blue red yellow yellow red when you think you have built the correct tower. You must clap three times
15:50Blue red yellow yellow red
15:53The even bricks are yellow red yellow yellow blue yellow red yellow yellow blue
16:02The correct tower you must clap three times right yellow yellow fucking red
16:11Yellow green. Yeah, are you nearly finished? Pardon? Have you nearly finished?
16:19Thanks, how's it going? I mean, I'm miserable you must clap three times
16:27Blue green yellow green yellow your turn blue green yellow green yellow
16:44I forgot I could stop it at any time. I thought I had to listen to all of this
16:48Yeah, I enjoyed that. Hmm. I'm glad you enjoyed it
16:52You finished it half your time ago, so I did this for twice twice as long as I needed to
16:58exactly that. Yeah
17:04I mean absolutely textbook apart from forgetting the three claps. Your wink was incredible
17:10Oh my god
17:12Nice one of the loveliest winks I've ever seen. Yeah, well when I was very young my dad told me
17:17you should be able to wink
17:18So that only the person you're winking at knows you're winking
17:21What a creepy bit of advice
17:30Yes, do you have a good time doing that one part my brain I was enjoying myself
17:35And another part I was thinking why yeah, oh, I mean just reordering colored bricks. She's died weirdly
17:44I don't know why I thought I thought maybe it's because I saw that thing about how it helped someone
17:48and who wants to be a millionaire
17:57That is wrong way it sort of felt like we were watching someone playing a game in an old people's
18:02home. Yeah, I
18:04Have taken it the wrong way
18:10Yeah, well, I mean obviously Camille would have been the fastest so far by quite a long way
18:15Really? Had he clapped when he was told to clap
18:18But 12 minutes 06 literally couldn't be closer to Armando's because he was 12 minutes 30. Oh couldn't be closer
18:24Who's next? Finally it's time to see Joanna Page stacking it
18:33Okay, that's for the top
18:36Blue red yellow yellow red what the hell is that it's green
18:43Then a yellow brick then another brick the top is blue so that must be green this is it's not
18:50right
18:50It's not right. Is there anything else that's going to show me?
18:56There!
18:57There! That's where it is! Right!
19:01Right!
19:03Okay, right!
19:05I've stopped the clock!
19:07I mean I genuinely probably would have kept going all day!
19:10Yep, I think so. You were nowhere near getting it right.
19:22Well done. Well done. Well I didn't trust you. I knew something was up and also I just couldn't follow
19:27the song.
19:28She was getting nowhere near. Yeah.
19:29It took her 8 minutes 50
19:31Oh!
19:32Oh!
19:33If we went by who did the tower first I would have had the shortest time.
19:37Hugh Giff, you did it the best and the second one.
19:39It's life there isn't it?
19:40If I hadn't consistently eaten pies my whole life I'd be able to run.
19:46LAUGHTER
19:49Unfortunately, Armando, you're last with one point. Kamel, you get two points because you were so slow in the end.
19:54Don't!
19:56Joel was third, three points, four points to Amy but Joanna Page gets the full five points!
20:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:03Feels like it's scoreboard time, is it?
20:05It is and it's so close at this stage. Armando, Joanna and Kamel in joint second on six points.
20:11Amy's in the lead with seven points.
20:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:17Give me more task!
20:19Yes, and just like our relationship, this task involves an equal amount of hugging and grunting.
20:24Mmm.
20:27MUSIC PLAYS
20:28MUSIC PLAYS
20:31MUSIC PLAYS
20:36Ooh, look, right, here's the donkey.
20:39Oh, my God, he's got plasters on his bum.
20:41Hello, Joel.
20:42Hello.
20:42Hello, Amy.
20:44Hey.
20:44Hello, Kamel.
20:45Please don't touch that or look underneath it.
20:46Sorry.
20:47Shall we...
20:48Yes.
20:49Let's have a look.
20:50Paint the best painting of the painting while hugging.
20:55Right.
20:55Excellent.
20:55That must be the painting.
20:57One person must always look at the original painting and hug the other two people with both arms.
21:05The other two people must always look at the new painting.
21:09The hugger may only grunt.
21:12Did you write this?
21:14The painter may ask questions for one minute.
21:17Then for the rest of the task, they may only say colours, shapes or directions.
21:23Colours.
21:25Ten minutes.
21:26Your time starts on the whistle.
21:29I can't draw for toffee.
21:31I don't mind.
21:32Do you want to have a go?
21:33OK, I'll paint, yeah.
21:34OK.
21:34I kind of want to paint.
21:35You want to paint?
21:36You want to paint?
21:36All right.
21:37I might actually put my hands under there.
21:40Yeah.
21:40I'm going to get a paintbrush in each hand.
21:43OK.
21:44OK.
21:44Are you looking at the painting?
21:46Oh!
21:51I have no idea, on top of all your many talents, that you could do impressions.
21:57Who's that?
21:58Oh, well, you didn't know your own impression.
22:01Let's see it again.
22:03Oh!
22:04Painting, I am.
22:08Let's see them do some painting.
22:10Yes, here they all are, painting and grunting and holding each other tightly.
22:16Is it a human?
22:17Uh-huh.
22:18It's a human.
22:19Is it the Prime Minister?
22:21Uh-uh.
22:22Is it an animal?
22:23Uh-huh.
22:24Yes, it's an animal.
22:25Is it a horse?
22:26Is it a donkey?
22:28Uh-huh.
22:28Is it a donkey?
22:29Uh-huh.
22:29No, a horse.
22:31Uh-huh.
22:31Is it a man?
22:32Uh-huh.
22:32Is it just his head or is it all in his body?
22:35Uh-uh.
22:36Uh-uh.
22:37It's a...
22:39He's on a horse.
22:40Uh-huh.
22:40He's on a horse.
22:40Was that grunting?
22:41Yeah, yeah.
22:42He's on a horse.
22:43Uh-huh.
22:44It's a horse with a jockey.
22:45Is it Putin?
22:47Uh-uh.
22:47OK.
22:52Is the horse brown?
22:53Is the horse brown?
22:53Uh-huh.
22:54I'm gonna start on a brown horse.
22:55Is there anything?
22:58Colors, shapes and directions, please.
23:00Is it blue?
23:01Is it red?
23:02Is it red?
23:02Is it red?
23:02Is it yellow?
23:03Is it yellow?
23:04Orange?
23:04Uh-uh.
23:05Uh-uh.
23:06Uh-uh.
23:06Uh-uh.
23:06Skin color, white?
23:08Uh-uh.
23:08Skin color?
23:09Is that a shape?
23:12Colors, shapes and directions.
23:13Running?
23:15No.
23:16Uh-uh.
23:19Any squares?
23:20Uh-uh.
23:20Square?
23:21Uh-uh.
23:22Any circles?
23:23Circles?
23:24Any triangles?
23:25Triangle?
23:26Diamonds.
23:27Uh-uh.
23:30What other shapes are there?
23:32Rhombats?
23:33Uh-uh.
23:34In the sky?
23:37Green?
23:38Uh-uh.
23:39I've done quite a lot of green.
23:41Get round down?
23:43Oh!
23:43Oh!
23:45Oh!
23:48Oh!
23:49Oh!
23:49Oh-oh!
23:49Oh!
23:50Oh-oh!
23:51Oh-oh!
23:51Oh-oh!
23:51Oh-oh-oh!
23:52Oh-oh-oh!
23:55Will you stop painting?
23:56Do not look back.
23:59Come out, you can look at what they did.
24:03Honestly, I... It's not bad.
24:06Ahh!
24:14You did some interesting grunting, Amanda.
24:16I've never heard anyone grunt, he's on a horse.
24:20There was a bit of flexibility on the rules.
24:22They also said leg as a shape, and I guess a leg is a shape.
24:26Well, no, it isn't. Is it not?
24:27No, it isn't a shape.
24:29Is it not? No!
24:31If someone told you to draw a leg shape, you'd know exactly what to draw.
24:35That's true. Very clever.
24:40We'll see their paintings after you have watched some adverts
24:43and Alex has flossed me.
24:46Bring forth the Gooch floss!
24:57Welcome back to Taskmaster and an ultimate team task
25:00involving painting and grunting.
25:02Oh, yes.
25:03One person from each team could look at the original painting
25:05while the painters held them and asked questions.
25:08The answers could, of course, only come in the form of grunts,
25:11or in Armando's case, quite a lot of words.
25:13Let's see the team of three's picture, first of all.
25:17This is what Joel, Amy and Kamel came up with.
25:26Who used to say that Freddie Mercury didn't ride horses?
25:31We don't know. R.I.P.
25:33Look at all those beautiful leg shapes.
25:35Yeah.
25:36And look at the direction of the horse as we compare the two.
25:39Yeah.
25:40Oh.
25:41The only thing that's laid it down. It's pretty good.
25:43It's not bad. It's quite a coquettish back leg from their horse.
25:48LAUGHTER
25:50May I?
25:53You might not think it's quite as good when you see
25:55what the team of two managed to come up with.
25:56Let's go.
25:57Ready? They did this.
26:10That was with Armando saying full word.
26:13Yeah.
26:14I think I made the mistake by facing the man forward,
26:18because that's what Putin does in the photo I've seen of him.
26:22So, the man's forward, but the horse is sideways.
26:25What is the horse?
26:27Where's the horse?
26:28Where's the horse?
26:29It's years are done this way.
26:30The only way he has the horse is if it was painted
26:33seconds after it was hit by a bazooka.
26:36LAUGHTER
26:38I haven't said this in 20 series,
26:40but I sort of think you should be removed from the show.
26:43LAUGHTER
26:46Let's have a look at all three.
26:47OK, all three, and then some points, please, Greg.
26:50It says something when that painting of Freddie Mercury
26:55sitting on the back of an anteater is by far the best thing.
26:59LAUGHTER
27:00So, is that five points for the team of three?
27:02Of course!
27:03Right.
27:03Of course.
27:04And now it's...
27:06How low do we go, I suppose?
27:08LAUGHTER
27:09So, I was going to give you two points.
27:11I do need to be penalised for Armando's flagrant cheating,
27:14so you'll have one point and you'll thank me for it.
27:17LAUGHTER
27:17It's one for the team of two, it's five for the team of three.
27:20APPLAUSE
27:23Let's get on with the next task, please.
27:25OK, and Taskmaster gets all classy now
27:28as this task involves ascension via a gilded royal staircase
27:32upon which there are boobs.
27:35LAUGHTER
27:47Alex?
27:48Kamal?
27:50LAUGHTER
28:03Like the echo.
28:04Me too.
28:05How are you?
28:07Good.
28:10There's so many boobs.
28:13Greg did the high ones.
28:15LAUGHTER
28:17It's the alphabet.
28:19Nothing gets by me.
28:20Get to the top of the staircase.
28:23You must take one step at a time.
28:27On each step you must discard a letter
28:30and say at least one word.
28:33You must not use a word...
28:35I'd love to start it again because I'm not listening to what I'm saying.
28:39LAUGHTER
28:39Get to the top of the staircase.
28:42Get to the top of the staircase.
28:46Feels like a bit of me, this.
28:48You must take one step at a time.
28:49On each step you must discard a letter and say at least one word.
28:55You must not use a word containing a letter you have discarded.
29:00And you must not repeat any words at any point.
29:03No, that's not a bit of me.
29:04Really not a bit of me.
29:06You must not repeat any words at any point.
29:09Otherwise you must start again.
29:11Highest step reached wins.
29:14You have ten minutes.
29:15Your time starts on the whistle.
29:18Do you understand?
29:19It's very condescending.
29:21LAUGHTER
29:22Yes, I understand.
29:24It's pretty simple.
29:26All the information's on the task.
29:28LAUGHTER
29:28If you want to put on the alphabet gauntlet.
29:31Er...
29:33Look at this.
29:35This is going to go badly.
29:37There are 25 steps.
29:40Are there 25 letters in the alphabet?
29:43There are, right.
29:44Are there?
29:45Roughly.
29:51So, early on you said,
29:52this is a bit of me, this is.
29:54Right?
29:55And then later you went,
29:56actually, this is not a bit of me.
29:58What happened to change your mind that this was a bit of you?
30:01I realised that when I said,
30:02oh, this is a bit of me...
30:03Yeah.
30:04Er...
30:05It was just steps.
30:06Right.
30:07LAUGHTER
30:08That's what I'm intrigued.
30:11So...
30:12So, the thing that's a bit of you is walking up steps.
30:15Yeah.
30:16And I'm always interested in, er,
30:18digging into an actor's method.
30:20Your method is to say the words,
30:23but not think about them.
30:25LAUGHTER
30:25LAUGHTER
30:28Yes!
30:30LAUGHTER
30:31Yes.
30:33Right, who are we going to see first?
30:35First up, it's Ian, Dom and Paige.
30:37That's Ian Ucci, Domit and Joanna Page.
30:48Hi.
30:49Just say the letter and then the word, that would be crazy.
30:51Said hi.
30:52Hi.
30:53Yep, hi.
30:54OK.
30:55You've now said yeah as well.
30:56So, just...
30:57Let's not say yes again, please.
31:00I'm discarding the letter X.
31:04Fruit.
31:05I'm discarding the letter Z.
31:09DRAMATARY.
31:10DRAMATARY.
31:11DRAMATARY.
31:12DRAMATARY.
31:12G.
31:13HAMPSTER.
31:14N.
31:15MOUSE.
31:16T.
31:17BUZZARD.
31:19Back.
31:20What's the letter?
31:21T.
31:21T. Back.
31:22OK.
31:23What's the letter?
31:24O.
31:27What's the letter?
31:29R?
31:29Yep.
31:31Po.
31:31Po.
31:32Po.
31:332.
31:33J.
31:34Po.
31:34P-O-O-L.
31:36S.
31:37Helicopter.
31:37Yeah, you've got a T in a helicopter, unfortunately.
31:40Yes, but you can't use words using any of these letters.
31:44Yeah, it's hard when you thought it was
31:47Same
31:49Pardon same well. I don't think you can say that really because what was the one you just put down
31:53Free them all up and start again. I understand enough. Yeah, don't say anything else. I get it. Okay. We're
31:58in yeah, let's go
31:59Okay, I'm discarding the letter
32:04W be you oh
32:08Lovely
32:09We're halfway through the alphabet. Yes. Well, you can't really say yes. No
32:16Sorry about that. Can I ask a question do I have to say I'm discarding the letter? I don't know
32:20why you're doing that
32:24This changes everything G house B new
32:28one
32:31Oh
32:33No, I'm sorry. Yeah, why?
32:39X soppy soppy you've had why those just are again. Oh
32:47This is where we got to last time
32:55You're saying why don't I start again
32:57Yeah, there's a W
33:01Also not appropriate
33:02One minute 30 left
33:03Oh, no
33:04Two
33:04Fuck
33:05Say
33:06Peace
33:07Still got a minute 20
33:08Hey
33:09Balance
33:09Eagle
33:10Oh
33:13I
33:1444 seconds
33:19Nail
33:20How are we spelling nail?
33:23Is it with an eye?
33:25No
33:28We spell it wrong
33:36Oh you can just like look at this yeah, we've only got 15 seconds now just look at this and
33:41like spell stuff off that well you said that twice so start again you've got 10 seconds
33:45Should I just take this 10 seconds just to think for like a moment just enjoy the fact that we're
33:50in a beautiful place yeah
33:51Yeah, let's have a look around
33:58B
34:01Finn
34:03And that is your time up your language in the last one wasn't great. Yeah, okay. I'm just gather NLF.
34:09Yes
34:10right
34:12I'm off for some ice cream
34:21I
34:21Wrote down that Joel Joel and Armando are very different man aren't they and my evidence for that was that
34:28your opener was high and his was dromedary
34:34Would you all like to see a grown man say a word that he knows he shouldn't be saying
34:39Look at that
34:55What should we do next you're like?
34:59Why?
35:01I
35:02You'd start going fucking bitch
35:05I shouted bomb which I just thought no I know I just I wrote down something when you started bomb
35:11I wrote
35:12Armando has started to look like a politician having a breakdown in Westminster
35:17Jolana was most confident in her decision
35:20I had a system and it was animals and that's every third word you said was an animal was a
35:26strange pattern of vocabulary
35:27She got the highest out of these three except for Armando
35:34I'll take that I'll take eight
35:38Yeah, I'll definitely take that and I just enjoyed the stairs
35:43Right that's the end of part three in part four someone will wear the hip flask a parachute some melatonin
35:49a video of a lady dancing in the
35:51Nud and a trolley with Lorraine Kelly in it it sounds like one hell of a night out
35:55Get me in
36:05Welcome back to the final part of the show on the task which feels like a sad metaphor for the
36:10ageing process
36:11Yes, I suppose you're right they're struggling to get up the stairs then forgetting what they're doing and heading back
36:16down again
36:17And they seem to have lost the most basic of vocabulary
36:20It's a laugh though isn't it Greg? It's a laugh
36:22Simple rules
36:23Simple rules lose a letter every step don't repeat words or say words that contain the lost letters
36:28Just two people left to go it is Amy and Kamel
36:34Box
36:36Put it on the floor
36:38Wherever you want
36:40Right now pick it up and start again
36:44You've discarded X and then use the word box which has an X in it
36:47I wanted to do the other way around didn't I?
36:50Zed
36:52Hello
36:52Hello
36:53X
36:55Hi
36:55Hi
36:57Box
36:58No you said Fox you can't repeat words
37:03On the step
37:04No you've got to be on the step
37:08You can say X that would be helpful
37:10X
37:11Great
37:12And what word are you going to say?
37:14Cheese
37:17W
37:18Ice cream
37:19J
37:19South
37:20G
37:20North
37:21L
37:21East
37:22F
37:22Bop
37:23V
37:24Loaf
37:29Chup
37:30Plum
37:31Watch
37:31Head
37:32Sob
37:32Whale
37:33Mend
37:33Hide
37:35C
37:37Hour
37:39Hour
37:40Spending
37:40Hour
37:41H-O-U-R
37:42H
37:43Hour
37:44O-U-R
37:45U
37:46Bar
37:47S
37:48Tam
37:48E
37:49M
37:50T
37:50M
37:51E
37:54I
37:55H
37:56H
38:05H
38:06H
38:07H
38:07H
38:07H
38:08H
38:08H
38:08H
38:09H
38:17What a performance from both, really?
38:19Strong.
38:20Wasn't it?
38:20Apart from the double box nightmare.
38:22Oh, yeah.
38:23I didn't quite get it and then I got it.
38:26Then you got it.
38:26Then I got it.
38:27And I knew you were sure when you got to the word loaf.
38:30You said loaf so threateningly.
38:33Loaf.
38:33Loaf.
38:34Very whole.
38:35Yeah.
38:36I never thought I would see a grown man discard a child's play letter
38:41and say aye and internally go, aye, so cool.
38:47I feel like that was the best I ever did on any of the tasks.
38:50Well, you say that.
38:51There's a slight...
38:52Oh, no!
38:53Don't do this!
38:53Yes!
38:55Yes!
38:56And I don't what?
38:57Sorry!
38:58Hey, hey, hey, hey.
38:59Ten seconds ago I was saying how cool you were.
39:02Yeah.
39:03Can I say something?
39:04LAUGHTER
39:06Wiggle your boobs.
39:08Well...
39:08Oh!
39:09CHEERING
39:13The thing was, you ended up with two letters
39:15and Amy ended up with one letter when they got to the top.
39:1925 steps, 26 letters, but you still had two letters.
39:21Imagine if I did better.
39:24LAUGHTER
39:24Nowhere near, John.
39:26Nowhere near.
39:27LAUGHTER
39:28There's no way wank boys beat them.
39:31LAUGHTER
39:32We love about this episode.
39:34It's tied with someone struggling with a wink
39:35and ended with someone struggling with a wank.
39:37Yeah!
39:39Right.
39:39Isn't it right?
39:40That's right.
39:43APPLAUSE
39:44Oh, that's...
39:45That's a lovely bit of work.
39:46LAUGHTER
39:47Once you've all gone, we'll re-record that with me, Sagan.
39:51LAUGHTER
39:53Well, we couldn't understand what happened with all the letters,
39:56so have a look at this.
39:58H.
39:59Our.
39:59O-U-R.
40:01S.
40:02Rib.
40:03U.
40:04Was it rib or rip?
40:06Buh.
40:06R-I-B.
40:09U.
40:10U.
40:13BUZZ
40:16BUZZ
40:17BUZZ
40:18BUZZ
40:20Thank you. Congratulations.
40:22I know the alphabet.
40:24LAUGHTER
40:26You didn't discard the U on a step until you took a second step
40:29with the U.
40:30So you...
40:30You took one extra step.
40:32You had already got to 20 at that point.
40:34I just want you to know...
40:36LAUGHTER
40:37..that I did not cheat on purpose.
40:39That was an oversight.
40:40I would never cheat.
40:42That's what Nixon said.
40:44LAUGHTER
40:45I am not a cheat.
40:47So, points-wise, eight steps for Joel, one point.
40:50Joanna got to 11, two points.
40:51Amanda, 12, three points.
40:52Camille, you got to 20 steps, you get four points.
40:54But the winner, 25 steps, all of them, and five points to...
40:58APPLAUSE
40:59APPLAUSE
41:01We're going to put the scores down, shall we?
41:03Yes, I think we could have our first look at the series scoreboard,
41:07an early look at that.
41:08We have three men in their 30s.
41:09Camille's on 37, Armando, 36, and Joel, 35.
41:13Two women in their 50s.
41:15GASP
41:17Joanna's got 50 and Amy's got 53 at this point.
41:24Yes, and also...
41:26Oh, for God's sake.
41:29LAUGHTER
41:29Take it out!
41:31Take it out!
41:32Take it out!
41:35Take it out!
41:36Take it out!
41:36Take it out!
41:36Take it out!
41:37Take it out!
41:37Take it so long today!
41:39Oh!
41:40Just in time.
41:41Just in time.
41:41Just in time.
41:43OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
41:48APPLAUSE
41:57Hello, you delightful cherub!
42:00Hello, Greg.
42:00These are available at just $19.99.
42:03LAUGHTER
42:03Who will be reading the task out?
42:08Armando Iannucci.
42:10The Colonel.
42:13OK, here we go.
42:15Transfer Greg's balls from your bucket to your beaker.
42:20You must wave with one hand at all times,
42:22and that hand must not touch balls or snooker cues.
42:25Also, your snooker cue must balance with one end touching the table at all times,
42:30and you can only touch your snooker cue with your non-waving hand.
42:35For every one of Alex's balls that ends up in your beaker,
42:39three of Greg's balls will be subtracted from your score.
42:43I'm already questioning this as I'm reading it.
42:45You have 100 seconds.
42:47Most Greg's balls wins.
42:49They had to be Greg's balls, did they, for this task?
42:52Everyone likes them.
42:53Really?
42:55You can all grasp your cues now, as Armando is.
42:58OK.
42:59And have one hand ready to wave.
43:01So they must be waving at all times.
43:02Greg, if they don't wave, we need to be on them.
43:04Oh, I'll be on them like a puma.
43:06It's better than go.
43:07Start waving and start transferring balls.
43:11They're off.
43:40AAARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARAR
43:42Hello, I mean.
43:44Hello.
43:46Oh, Amanda.
43:49Your balls are everywhere, Greg.
43:52Oh, my God.
43:53Right, right.
43:5415 seconds left, everyone.
44:01Eight seconds left.
44:03Wave.
44:05Waving.
44:08Three, two, one.
44:15You got some Alexey.
44:17I got some Alexey.
44:20Well, Greg, I'm going to have to count out how many Alex balls
44:22there are in there. Beakers. Yes.
44:25I'll be honest, halfway through, I forgot which one was
44:28supposed to be in there.
44:29Oh, my God. Which one were you supposed to have in?
44:32Greg. Greg's balls. Greg, Greg.
44:35Well, it was fun.
44:38Listen, we'll add them up, we'll add it to your final scores.
44:40Come down and join me.
44:42APPLAUSE
44:48Well, well, well, well.
44:50Exactly, I didn't say that. Well, well, well.
44:51Well, the balls in tubes, were they the right balls?
44:54Well, interesting.
44:55I mean, Amy and Joel both got 11 balls in tubes.
45:00Oh, Joel's like a machine, James.
45:02Was like a machine.
45:03But was he like a good machine?
45:04LAUGHTER
45:05Six of me, five of Greg's, that's a score of minus 13.
45:09LAUGHTER
45:09LAUGHTER
45:10Oh, wank.
45:13APPLAUSE
45:19Amanda and Joanna both put four of Greg's balls in the bucket correctly.
45:23Kamel put eight balls in.
45:25One was an Alex, which means you get a score of five.
45:27You're in second place.
45:28But the winner, five points, 11 of Greg's balls.
45:30Amy Gledhill again.
45:32APPLAUSE
45:35You want to hear the final scores, then?
45:39I want to hear the final scores, then.
45:40In joint fourth, Joanna and Joel with 12 points,
45:43but in joint first, by herself, it's Amy Gledhill with 22 points.
45:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:48Amy Gledhill wins the episode.
45:51Please head up to go silly with your string, The Pools thing!
45:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:59So, what have we learnt today?
46:01Well, we've learnt a lot about people.
46:03Some actors don't think about what they're saying,
46:06they're just saying the words.
46:07Some people cough in words.
46:09Some people think that skin colour is a shape.
46:12LAUGHTER
46:12It's been a funny old show.
46:14It started off with someone struggling with a wink.
46:18LAUGHTER
46:18And ended with someone struggling with a wank.
46:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:41We're off again, but here's your winner,
46:43it's Amy Gledhill!
46:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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