00:00I decided to put together my top five favorite things about this year's NFL draft.
00:05Well, this is great.
00:06And I think it's because we're not going to sit here and go,
00:08I think the Titans should take Jeremiah Love and, like, we'll react to it.
00:13And we'll tell you what we think about it afterwards.
00:15Like, do you take a running back top five?
00:17That kind of stuff.
00:18It has more to do with the positioning than the player.
00:21My name is not Mel Kuyper.
00:23And he doesn't know.
00:23And I'm not going to pretend like it is.
00:25And he doesn't know.
00:25And I will react to it after the fact.
00:27And we'll do all that tomorrow, okay?
00:30But for now, I want to give you my five favorite things about the draft.
00:34Let's start with number five.
00:35Throw number five up there, please, because I don't have it in front of me,
00:37and I may have forgotten.
00:39Oh, it's what I was just saying.
00:41NFL experts claiming to tell all about the players they've never really seen play.
00:45Never seen play.
00:46Right?
00:46Oh, that guy had a great pro day.
00:48Oh, that guy's great.
00:49He's a great edge rusher, except his fingers are too small.
00:53Like, let's just watch it together like we're watching American Idol.
00:57Right?
00:58Like, I can't believe they voted Sanjay off.
01:00That guy can sing.
01:01Whatever it might be.
01:02Right?
01:02That's number five.
01:04Number four.
01:05Favorite thing about the NFL draft.
01:07The commissioner might be the whitest guy in America.
01:10Yes.
01:10And I say that as a white guy.
01:12All right?
01:13His attempts of dapping dudes up and, you know, pounding them on the back and man-hugging
01:19them is so awkward that it's like a car crash you can't turn away from.
01:25Right?
01:26Yeah.
01:26Like, hey.
01:27And he's almost like, you almost hear him whispering, my brother.
01:30He does.
01:30He's like, yeah, congratulations, brother.
01:32My brother.
01:33Like, what?
01:34My brother.
01:34Like, welcome to the club.
01:36Not everybody gets a whole pass in a hood.
01:39And Roger Goodell does not deserve one, okay?
01:41And I don't think he likes getting picked up the way he acts like.
01:44No, it's emasculating.
01:45Yeah, he doesn't enjoy it, but what's he going to do about it?
01:47But I'll tell you this, if you mic'd Roger Goodell up, I would not be shocked when a
01:52big lineman picks him up like you see in that picture.
01:54If you don't hear this from Roger Goodell's mouth, whee!
02:02A grown man saying we like that.
02:04Whee!
02:04Come on, you're a grown man, Roger.
02:06You're in your 50s.
02:07Come on.
02:08Whee!
02:09By the way, that's how people knew about Bruce Jenner.
02:11All right, number three favorite things about the NFL draft, NFL insiders treating the
02:19pick out before they get announced.
02:22Now, the NBA has that, too, to be fair, but there's no reason to even watch the draft, right?
02:27They try to crack down.
02:29Well, they crack down now.
02:30Now you have to say they're efforting or all such.
02:32The Dallas Cowboys, like last year it would have been, you know, the Dallas Cowboys are
02:37drafting Joe Jablonski out of Michigan, and then, like, nine minutes later, after Dan
02:44Olofsky's like, there's no chance of taking Jablonski, he doesn't fit their system.
02:49The Cowboys just took Jablonski.
02:52Every time.
02:52So, I like that.
02:53Look, it's a problem in the NBA also, but, you know, it's like, you almost want to put
02:58your phone away during the NFL draft.
03:00Yeah, I actually tried not to see.
03:02Watch the show, as opposed to getting that alert, oh, the Jets just took Arvel Reese.
03:08Great.
03:09Right.
03:10Meanwhile, Mendoza hasn't even been picked yet.
03:12He hasn't even gone up to the podium yet.
03:14You already got.
03:15Yeah.
03:15Number two favorite things about the draft, no matter who they draft, even when they get
03:21it wrong, and they show you the video inside the NFL draft war room, you see a bunch of,
03:26like, pocket-protective math majors in bad suits and bad clothes, like, you know, awkwardly
03:32high-fiving each other, like they're Elaine from Seinfeld dancing.
03:35Yeah.
03:36Woo!
03:36Yeah.
03:37Hey, we got our guy.
03:39High-five, Billy.
03:40Way to go, Judge.
03:42You know what I mean?
03:43Yeah.
03:43Hey, Steve, way to break down that tape.
03:45And everybody has to come over.
03:47And then, Howie Roseman, one guy, wouldn't give him a fist bump.
03:50So, you know what Howie Roseman did after the draft?
03:52He fired him.
03:53Because he didn't get a fist bump?
03:55He didn't get a fist bump about a player.
03:56He's cold-blooded.
03:57Cold-blooded dude, Howie Roseman.
03:58But, yeah, everybody else was excited.
04:00It was Milton Williams.
04:00So, Howie was right.
04:01He had to play.
04:02Went to the page.
04:02It's so funny.
04:03Doing this right now, I just had a weird moment mentally.
04:06As I was driving into work today, and I admit this, I shouldn't do this, but I admit
04:10that I do.
04:11I was watching some videos driving in.
04:14Listening to some videos.
04:14Yeah.
04:15Listening to videos.
04:15No, no.
04:16I watch movies driving.
04:17Listening to videos.
04:18No, no, I admit it.
04:19Like, if you have YouTube Premium, you can listen to it without watching it.
04:22That's like listening to a book.
04:23I need to watch it.
04:25I need to see it.
04:25All your books are very popular.
04:27I was watching The Last Mission Impossible for most of my drive-in today.
04:30That's not comfortable.
04:32Anyway, go ahead.
04:32Go ahead.
04:33I re-watched the racial draft from The Chappelle Show.
04:36It's tremendous.
04:37And I forgot one of the lines, though, that when Tiger Woods is drafted by the black group
04:44with the first overall pick, and the Chinese are very unhappy, right?
04:48I forgot the part where Tiger Woods' Dave Chappelle goes back to the microphone and goes,
04:56fo' shizzle.
04:57Fo' shizzle.
04:57I always wanted to say that.
04:58Because he says, goodbye, fried rice, hello, fried chicken.
05:02And then he leaves.
05:02Yeah, at least.
05:03When he comes back, he's got the big-ass teeth.
05:05He goes, fo' shizzle.
05:06And then he walks off.
05:07Yeah.
05:08And then later, the Chinese draft Wu-Tang.
05:10Yeah.
05:11To get it back.
05:12For the thing.
05:12They draft Wu-Tang to balance it out.
05:14And by the way, I think The Chappelle Show might be coming back.
05:16Yeah, that's cool.
05:17Also, our graphic.
05:19Jamarcus Russell, fine.
05:20Riley, fine.
05:21Kyle Brady, he was a fine pro.
05:24Well, it's because they didn't take Warren Sapp.
05:26And Kyle Brady got drafted instead of Warren Sapp.
05:27That's pretty bad.
05:28All right, number one.
05:29My number one favorite thing about the NFL draft, when the coach of my least favorite
05:34team blows off the last eight picks because he got caught banging an NFL insider.
05:42That's your favorite thing about the draft?
05:44My favorite thing about the draft is when the coach of my least favorite team blows off
05:50the last eight picks his team has because he got caught with banging the NFL insider.
05:56Yeah.
05:57That's always my favorite part of the draft.
05:59Man, I hope there's not more footage.
06:01Listen, here's the two biggest...
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