00:00I used to actually review music for another place that I'm not going to name.
00:04I got some reps in.
00:07I'm going to do so good that y'all are going to actually probably hire me on the spot and
00:10then be like, yo, listen, before we hire you, you got to get your nose pierced first.
00:13Join the Polycule and we in there full time.
00:17Pitchfork, I don't know.
00:27Pow, Don't Be Dumb by A$AP Rocky.
00:29This one bangs.
00:30Shout out to Rocky.
00:31It's been a while since you put out music.
00:33I feel like you did a lot of weird stuff in this rollout, which was cool because you're
00:37a fashion guy and things like that.
00:39But there's a couple of bangers on there.
00:416.9, good record, a few issues, but worth your attention if you're into the genre.
00:45That is exactly this.
00:46Wow.
00:46Shout out to Pitchfork for having a very specific rating system.
00:50It's not like a front to back flawless album, but there's some joints on there.
00:58Pitchfork gave it a 6.8.
01:01Pow!
01:02See?
01:02Look at that, y'all.
01:04See?
01:05That was me pulling up for the logo.
01:07That's the sound of me.
01:09Nothing but net.
01:10Splash.
01:11I'm ready.
01:12Just listen.
01:13Just stop putting shit in my office.
01:14I like Funko Pops.
01:16Put it in my office right now because I start tomorrow here at Pitchfork.
01:18This is Oasis, Be Here Now.
01:21Shout out to Oasis because they are seminal UK rock bands.
01:27You know what they used to sound like, you know?
01:29Maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me.
01:32Can we hear it?
01:38That sounds like a Nintendo game.
01:42All old men.
01:43Very old and crotchety and they got beef with each other.
01:46Noel and the other guy.
01:48They don't like each other at all, you know?
01:50Sometimes they do, but most of the time they don't fuck with each other at all.
01:53It's reflected in the music.
01:55As a Pitchfork editor, just put Deceptive Piercing in post.
01:59I'm gonna give this a 5.
02:00Not a total disaster, but very, you know, kind of like run-of-the-mill guitar rock.
02:05You know, does the job.
02:07Like Jersey Mike's or something.
02:08It's not great, but you know, fuck it.
02:13Pitchfork, give it a 5.3.
02:16Right there.
02:17Right there.
02:185, 5.3.
02:19I think I took off the .3 because I myself have a brother.
02:22And sometimes we get along, sometimes we don't.
02:25Much like Noel and Liam.
02:29Lateralis by Tool.
02:30You know what I'm saying?
02:32Tool.
02:33I am going to go right ahead and give that a 1.5.
02:37Because I hate motherfucking Tool.
02:39God damn them motherfuckers suck, boy.
02:41Have you ever listened to any shit?
02:43Like for real, for real?
02:44If I gave you a Pokemon and I was like, eat this shit alive, try to enjoy it.
02:48You'd be like, no, there's no way I can enjoy this, man.
02:50This is Tool, man.
02:53Bad name says it all.
02:54I hope y'all also gave Tool a 1.
02:571.9.
02:58Ah!
03:00See?
03:01Keeper P.
03:01Whoever did that was being nice.
03:03They might know Scott Stapp.
03:06You know what I'm saying?
03:06Oh no, that's the guy from Creed.
03:07My bad.
03:08See?
03:09They're so ass that they are interchangeable in my mind.
03:12Creed and Tool are both interchangeable in my mind because they're so ass.
03:15It's Maynard.
03:16Maynard.
03:17Maynard James Keenan, some shit like that.
03:19He has a weird ass Civil War era name.
03:21I'm sorry, man.
03:21If you put your heart and soul into this shit, I apologize.
03:24But this shit is ass.
03:26Ho ho!
03:27Pow!
03:28This is Jamiroquai Automaton.
03:30Let me hear this real quick.
03:38I knew that beat drop was going to be crazy.
03:40That's what Jamiroquai does, bro.
03:41They wear silly hats and they have ill beat drops.
03:44I want to keep a pitchfork.
03:45You know, when I say keep a P, I mean keep a pitchfork.
03:47Keep a P?
03:48We got seven.
03:49Very good record.
03:50You know?
03:51Recommend checking it out.
03:52Pitchfork.
03:53Keep it a 7.0.
03:55Pow!
03:56Look at that!
03:56Come on.
03:57Lucky seven.
03:58This is what I do.
03:59Keep a P.
04:00Yo, listen.
04:00I'm playing lotto after I get out of here.
04:03You understand what I'm saying?
04:04I'm killing it right now.
04:05Oh.
04:07Addison Rae.
04:08You know what I'm saying?
04:09It's called Addison.
04:10Self-titled.
04:12Eponymous.
04:13I kind of want to hear the vocals.
04:14I want to be reminded of the vocals real quick.
04:16Because also, there's Tate McRae out there in the world, right?
04:22And there's a lot of rays.
04:35It was very like funky.
04:37But like funky, like I'm at Forever 21 going crazy.
04:40You know what I'm saying?
04:41I'm just sitting there buying like merchandise.
04:44Oh, they got a Wu-Tang crop top.
04:45Ooh, that's hard.
04:47You know what I'm saying?
04:47Like, and this is playing in the background.
04:48You know what I mean?
04:49I'm asking people for help.
04:50They're like, I don't work here.
04:51It's giving that.
04:52I give it like a, a 5.6.
04:57Decent record.
04:58A few things going for it.
05:00This is very kind of like innocuous type of music.
05:04Like, I'm not going to turn this on and like crash the car.
05:07Because it's so ill.
05:08But I am also, you know, just going to be transported to a mall.
05:13We gave it an 8.
05:17What the fuck?
05:21Y'all threw me a curveball.
05:23Okay.
05:23All right.
05:24Okay.
05:25Uh, cool.
05:27I guess, listen, a lot of y'all must shop for denim at, uh, you know, Charlotte Russe.
05:32All right.
05:33Oh, yeah.
05:35This is some rap songs about Earl Sweatshirt.
05:38Earl, what up, baby?
05:39You know what I'm saying?
05:40Listen, I'm gonna tell you right now.
05:43That goes crazy.
05:45Earl is a rapper.
05:46You know what I mean?
05:47Earl be rapping his ass off.
05:48And I am going to give this album a 9.1.
05:52A monument.
05:53An instant classic.
05:54It sounds ahead of its time.
05:55It sounds timeless.
05:56Even though he still sounds like Earl, Earl is forever.
06:00You know what I'm saying?
06:02The sweatshirt is eternal.
06:04Pitchfork gave it an 8.8.
06:07Ah, see?
06:08You know what I mean?
06:09They gave it an 8.8 so they could keep you humble.
06:11You know what I'm saying?
06:12But you know what?
06:13I'm gonna give you your flowers, champ.
06:15This is a banger.
06:16This is a classic.
06:17This is canon.
06:18All right?
06:18Get me your Earl Sweatshirt Funko Pop.
06:21Oh.
06:23This is...
06:25Cold Visions.
06:28Blade?
06:29Bloody?
06:30Bloody?
06:31It's Blade.
06:32Blade.
06:32With two E's.
06:34The last one.
06:34Both of them are silent.
06:35You thought it was one that was silent.
06:37Both of them are silent.
06:38I am familiar with Blade.
06:39The Marvel character.
06:43He's a rapper from Sweden.
06:45A rapper from Sweden?
06:48Yo!
06:48Look at this cover.
06:50I was very much expecting to hear some heavy guitar.
06:54You know what I'm saying?
06:55Type of energy.
06:56But this is a rapper from Sweden.
06:58Okay.
06:58So let's hear Swedish bars.
07:02Wake up, filthy.
07:07Oh, shit.
07:08Okay.
07:10Okay, Sweden.
07:11All right.
07:12I was not familiar with your game.
07:14That was tough.
07:14That was tough.
07:15I like that.
07:16It sounded kind of like fried-ish.
07:18My trade pitchfork here is telling me that this is somewhere between an 8.6 and a 9.
07:24Pitchfork gave it an 8.3.
07:26See?
07:27There you go.
07:28Okay.
07:28Easy money.
07:29That's not that big of a spread.
07:31Okay?
07:31So I think with Blade, we did what we had to do.
07:35Shout out to Blade.
07:36Maybe drop one E off.
07:37Actually, no.
07:38Add another.
07:38Keep the E's.
07:39That's why you did the two E's.
07:41For SEO.
07:42That's what it was.
07:43Because the motherfuckers type in Blade, anything could come up.
07:45Just regular with one E.
07:47You could get a knife.
07:49You could get Wesley Snipes as a vampire hunter.
07:51You could get a lot of different shit.
07:52But if you put two E's, you get the Swedish rapper.
07:54So shout out to him.
07:56Or her.
07:56Or them.
07:57You know what I'm saying?
07:57I don't know.
07:58This is Los Tutanacas.
08:02With their self-titled album, Los Tutanacas.
08:06Listen, since I'm a Pitchfork employee, I went to the Pitchfork holiday party.
08:10Where the Tutanacas was performing live.
08:13And when I walked in there, I was like, what the fuck is going on here?
08:20I was like, yo, you know what?
08:21I did some of the drugs.
08:22I do all the drugs.
08:23So I'm having a hard time understanding this.
08:25But after a while, I was there standing next to my good friend Ben Tran on one side.
08:31And on the other side, John Karamanica of the New York Times.
08:34And then over there, there was a guy who seemed to be leaning on fentanyl.
08:37And I was like, yo, you know what?
08:39I totally understand this now.
08:42Totally understand this now.
08:43So as a Pitchfork employee, I'm going to give this a 9.1.
08:47A Monuments.
08:48An instant classic.
08:49Sounds ahead of its time.
08:50I don't understand it.
08:51So therefore, it is ahead of its time.
08:53And this is the type of album that you give a 10 to.
08:56Because you never know what's going to happen in music.
08:58You know?
08:59You never know what's going to trend up or trend down or what's going to blow up.
09:01And the weirder and more abstract the shit is, the higher it goes.
09:06You know what I'm saying?
09:07That's what we do over here, Pitchfork.
09:08Keep repeat.
09:09This is so fucking weird that you could just roll the dice on this.
09:12Hey.
09:14Oh, shit.
09:15Jackpot.
09:15Yo, I have very good taste.
09:19Pitchfork gave it a 9.3.
09:24You know why Pitchfork gave that shit almost a 10, bro?
09:26Because you got to go to Bolivia and buy it out of a trunk of a car.
09:29You can't hear them on any streaming services because they're that cool.
09:33They're not on Apple Music.
09:34They're not on Spotify.
09:35None of that shit.
09:35Not Tidal.
09:36Fuck you, Jay-Z.
09:37They don't want to go on Tidal either.
09:38You got to go buy a hard copy of a CD in Bolivia out of a trunk.
09:42What I listen to on a daily basis probably changes from day to day.
09:46You know what I mean?
09:46Sometimes I'm into like, yo, I want to hear some house music, man.
09:49Some UK Garage, Jack Marlowe.
09:51Sometimes I'm like, yo, I want to listen to French Montana talk about strippers for hours on end.
09:55Music critics are very important.
09:57Art critics in general.
09:58But especially music critics.
10:00Because you might sit down with an album that has a run time of like an hour.
10:04And if it's ass, you just wasted an hour every time.
10:07You know, you don't got time to do all that.
10:09So, you know, you want to curate your music and listen to people that know what they're talking about.
10:14You feel me?
10:14Like, my drunk uncle, I don't go to him for financial advice.
10:17I go to my accountant.
10:18So for music advice, I go to Pitchfork.
10:20I do not go to my drunk uncle.
10:21Because he just says BDP every time.
10:24No, we do not have free Mountain Dew at the Pitchfork office.
10:28I quit.
10:29I quit.
10:30I put my two-week notice in right now.
10:33Tyson, wrap me up.
10:35Take this mic off me.
10:35I'm out of here.
10:36No free Mountain Dew.
10:38What are we doing?
10:39Hott et g1o �1.
10:40I quit.
10:40I'ts.
10:42I quit.
10:43I quit.
10:43I quit.
10:43Hey, man, I quit.
10:43I quitique.
10:43I quit.
10:43You keep.
10:43It's Mr.
10:43One way.
10:43Mate.
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