Roommates 2026 full English movie #Roommates #RoommatesMovie #SadieSandler #ChloeEast #NatashaLyonne #NickKroll #StormReid #SarahSherman #BillyBryk #IvyWolk #AidanLangford #JaneaneGarofalo #CarolKane #JoshSegarra #BaileeMadison #MartinHerlihy #AdamSandler
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00:00:00Want it to be in your life.
00:00:04What?
00:00:06August!
00:00:07August, what are you doing?
00:00:09You fucking psycho!
00:00:10Wake up, Luna, you can't call people psycho anymore.
00:00:12Oh, well, you're literally throwing my shit out of the window.
00:00:15That is textbook definition of psycho!
00:00:17You took a video of me while I was sleeping!
00:00:19To show you how loud you snore, you legit have sleep apnea!
00:00:22That can't be any worse than you leaving your bloody pads in our open trash can.
00:00:26Our entire room building a fucking Italian sub!
00:00:29August!
00:00:31Now, anything but the air fryer, you use the shit more than I do.
00:00:34And you don't even ask!
00:00:35Stop!
00:00:36I have a Chipotle delivery for Steve.
00:00:38Ow!
00:00:41Greetings!
00:00:41My office, now!
00:00:46Oh, my God, you are, like, nasty!
00:00:48And you are trash!
00:00:49You're a fucking pick-me-ass bitch!
00:00:51I need her to move out!
00:00:53Shut up!
00:00:54Ladies, when you two moved in together at the start of the year,
00:00:57you were inseparable, remember that?
00:00:59It worked!
00:01:00You hung out, you laughed, you partied.
00:01:02Okay, but that's before I found out that she's awful.
00:01:04You literally have no good qualities!
00:01:06Oh, my God!
00:01:07Hey, guys, guys!
00:01:07It's October.
00:01:08You got the rest of the year ahead of you, okay?
00:01:10If you don't figure out how to coexist now in that tiny little dorm room,
00:01:13things are going to escalate into a very bad situation.
00:01:16There's no getting worse than her!
00:01:17I'm in hell!
00:01:18She's annoying!
00:01:18I'm in hell!
00:01:19I'm in hell!
00:01:21God, trust me!
00:01:25I've seen it.
00:01:26I hate you.
00:01:27Shut the fuck up!
00:01:28Shut the fuck up!
00:01:28It can get so much worse.
00:01:30Shut the fuck up!
00:01:31You shut the fuck up!
00:01:34It all started with a student who was, um...
00:01:37How can I describe her while still remaining a professional?
00:01:41She was a hard worker, but, uh...
00:01:43A low-key pussy.
00:01:45It's time to welcome your valedictorian, Rebecca Anderson.
00:01:53Wait, that's not her.
00:01:55That's her.
00:01:56You didn't think she was the valedictorian, did you?
00:01:58I mean, Devin was smart, and people were always happy to see her,
00:02:01but they also didn't notice when she wasn't around.
00:02:03For me, school was more than just the classes,
00:02:06the football games, and, of course,
00:02:08everybody's least favorite lunch.
00:02:09Like, why taco bagels?
00:02:13Blooming.
00:02:14What I'll remember most
00:02:16are the friends that I made here.
00:02:18Friends that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
00:02:21And in the words of the greatest orator of our time,
00:02:24how lucky am I
00:02:25to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
00:02:29And that
00:02:30was Winnie the Pooh.
00:02:36Me too.
00:02:38Hi, I see you.
00:02:39Hi, honey.
00:02:40Aw, you were the best one.
00:02:42Oh, did you want us to take a picture of you with anyone?
00:02:43No, no, I think I got a bunch before the ceremony.
00:02:45Okay.
00:02:45I'm sure your Snapchat looks pretty lonely.
00:02:47Oh, well, that was cute, that one.
00:02:49It's sort of the same.
00:02:49And then the last one was late.
00:02:50Put it down.
00:02:51Okay.
00:02:53I actually see my friends, so.
00:02:55Oh, so let's go say hi.
00:02:56No.
00:02:56Oh, my God.
00:02:57I'll just meet you by the car.
00:02:58Okay.
00:02:58Okay, bye.
00:02:59Hey, Bella, Ella, Emma, Ava.
00:03:01Hi.
00:03:01Hey, Devin, jump in.
00:03:02Oh, sure.
00:03:05Aw.
00:03:06Do you mind if we get one with just the core four?
00:03:08Yeah.
00:03:09Yeah, yeah.
00:03:10Sure.
00:03:12That's kind of brutal.
00:03:13Oh, Devin, wait.
00:03:14Yes.
00:03:14We need to officially add an honorary fifth member.
00:03:18Senor Michaels!
00:03:21Uh-oh.
00:03:22Better get my good side.
00:03:24Do you mind taking it?
00:03:25Yeah, yeah, no problem.
00:03:27Now go full sluts.
00:03:29And hit angle, butt, and hon.
00:03:33Can you go a little bit higher?
00:03:33Yeah, just sorry.
00:03:34I'm like 40.
00:03:44Hey, do you want a tea?
00:03:45Yeah, baby.
00:03:46Sleepy time.
00:03:46Hey.
00:03:47What's going on?
00:03:48Women's party's at 10.
00:03:49It's 9.45 already.
00:03:50Uh, yeah.
00:03:51I'm not going.
00:03:53Your hair and makeup is all done.
00:03:54It seems like at some point you are going.
00:03:56Well, now I'm in sweatpants, so it would be physically impossible for me to leave the house.
00:03:58Oh, right.
00:03:59That makes sense.
00:03:59That does actually make sense.
00:04:00What are we, uh, cooking here?
00:04:01Honey, that's not for you.
00:04:02You already ate.
00:04:02I know.
00:04:03I'm just curious what is so delicious that it's keeping our daughter from going to the party.
00:04:07Honey, are you sure you don't want to go?
00:04:09I just feel like it's a really big night.
00:04:10Yeah, high school was a waste.
00:04:11I still make friends in college.
00:04:13Yeah, but you love your high school friends.
00:04:15There's Ella, Emma, Enema, Anemic.
00:04:17Not their names.
00:04:18I don't understand.
00:04:18Didn't Emma invite you to her party?
00:04:20She invited me to the party that literally every senior is invited to.
00:04:23Then after that, everyone goes to an after party with their actual friend group.
00:04:26Bella's having a sleepover, and I didn't get an invite, okay?
00:04:29Well, that's just because they were going to be doing Special K and Horse Stranks to celebrate,
00:04:32and they didn't want to do it in front of you because they know you're better than that.
00:04:34Skipping the party, huh?
00:04:35Good for you.
00:04:36Fuck them.
00:04:37Yeah.
00:04:38Yeah, fuck them in the ass.
00:04:39I'm glad I never learned their names, these stupid fucking cunts.
00:04:41What the fuck is going on with you?
00:04:43Yeah.
00:04:43What?
00:04:44Don't say that.
00:04:45Someone get down some ketamine, he's losing it.
00:04:47Maybe we should all do some ketamine.
00:04:51So, uh, when's your orientation thing?
00:04:54Couple weeks.
00:04:54Okay.
00:04:55Soon.
00:04:56Yeah.
00:04:58Here's a question for you.
00:05:00If it's to orient you to Walton, why's it in the woods?
00:05:05Probably because it's about bonding and not school.
00:05:07Well, you're super outdoorsy, so that'll be great.
00:05:10Hmm.
00:05:13I'm just excited to start fresh.
00:05:16Yeah.
00:05:16Totally.
00:05:17I don't need to make, like, a zillion friends at school or whatever.
00:05:19I just, I really want, like, a best friend, you know?
00:05:22Dude, I'm your best friend.
00:05:25I'm outside of this house.
00:05:30Just try not to put too much pressure on it.
00:05:32People can tell when you're thirsty.
00:05:35Isn't that so pathetic?
00:05:36Like, I'm about to go to college and I've never had a best friend before.
00:05:39Oh, that's not nearly as pathetic as watching you pretend to smoke a joint.
00:05:43What?
00:05:43I, I'm, I'm doing it.
00:05:45I don't know.
00:05:46You have to inhale to feel.
00:05:48I'm not even kidding.
00:05:48I felt it.
00:05:49I promise you.
00:05:50Okay.
00:05:50I feel something.
00:05:53Yeah.
00:05:54Not, nothing.
00:05:55That's good.
00:05:59Hi, guys.
00:06:00Um, I'm Ellie.
00:06:00Welcome to Orientation.
00:06:02Just remember, this is for you guys to have fun and to get to know each other.
00:06:04The only expert here today is your adventure guide, Goose.
00:06:07What's up, everybody?
00:06:08Thank you, Ellie.
00:06:08Goose, that's me.
00:06:09I didn't go to Walton because I didn't have it like that.
00:06:11I work here.
00:06:12Let's get to it.
00:06:12So when you're out on the ropes, you're going to have, like, an instinct and urge to touch the bar.
00:06:16Do not.
00:06:17Don't.
00:06:18Touch the metal bar.
00:06:19I'm telling you, you will gash your motherfucking hand.
00:06:22All right?
00:06:22Final destination type shit.
00:06:24Also, remember, you got a harness, all right?
00:06:26But honestly, like, just pretend like the harness isn't there because even when the harness falls ain't comfy, bruh.
00:06:31We haven't had any deaths out here.
00:06:32We had one lady turn into a vegetable, but she's in really good spirits right now.
00:06:35Y'all can smoke out here.
00:06:36You can drink out here as long as you share it with the Goose, baby.
00:06:38Goose is loose.
00:06:39Any questions?
00:06:40Sorry, I'm late.
00:06:40Are you part of this group?
00:06:42Yeah.
00:06:43You just missed the whole spiel, dude.
00:06:45I can figure it out.
00:06:47What's your name?
00:06:48Goose.
00:06:50That's hilarious.
00:06:51What's your name?
00:06:53Celeste.
00:06:53That's hilarious.
00:06:56Every freshman knows that you will be fucked if you don't make friends in orientation.
00:07:00Devin was determined to find the thing she wanted most, a college bestie.
00:07:05Are people hanging out tonight or what's the deal?
00:07:06This one girl started a big snap group.
00:07:08I can add you.
00:07:08Can I get on that chat?
00:07:09But the harder Devin tried.
00:07:11Yeah, sure.
00:07:12Okay.
00:07:12I'll find you later.
00:07:13The more desperate she seemed.
00:07:14I'm scared the shit out of you.
00:07:16Ah.
00:07:17As the day went on, Devin was convinced that she was going to be exactly who she was in high
00:07:21school.
00:07:22A girl with no friends.
00:07:25Oh, no.
00:07:28Okay.
00:07:28Try holding on to this thingy.
00:07:31Okay.
00:07:34Hey!
00:07:35Oh, my God!
00:07:36What the hell?
00:07:37Bro!
00:07:38You have a fucking brain!
00:07:40I like your tattoos.
00:07:41It's not my dick!
00:07:42Jeez.
00:07:43Let's go!
00:07:46What's up, big time?
00:07:47You scared?
00:07:47You look scared.
00:07:48Yeah, well, you look like you just lost custody.
00:07:51Ooh!
00:07:51Well, that's hilarious!
00:07:53I don't even have a wife.
00:07:54Um, sorry.
00:07:55Is there a way to go slower?
00:07:56No.
00:07:57So, when I get the okay signal, that's when you step down, and that's when you go.
00:08:00Okay, so go now.
00:08:01No!
00:08:01No!
00:08:01What am I supposed to do?
00:08:03Ah!
00:08:05Oh, my God!
00:08:06Oh, my God!
00:08:07Oh, my God!
00:08:08Oh, my God!
00:08:08Oh, my God!
00:08:09Oh, my God!
00:08:11You kicked me in my titty!
00:08:13I'm sorry!
00:08:14That girl needs training wheels.
00:08:16All right, everyone!
00:08:22Hey!
00:08:23All right!
00:08:24Hey!
00:08:25Eyes up here!
00:08:26Hey!
00:08:27So, we will now be splitting up into teams of two for the scavenger hike.
00:08:31Uh, the winning team gets these awesome unisex hoodies.
00:08:33Woo!
00:08:33Yeah, really exciting.
00:08:34So, pick a partner wisely.
00:08:43Whoever doesn't have a partner can partner up with me, and I will take the time with you
00:08:46to bitch about my open relationship.
00:08:50Want to be partners?
00:08:51Heads up, I suck at scavenger hunts.
00:08:54Got it!
00:08:58For five points, take a photo of someone waxing their legs.
00:09:01Yeah, I'm not going to do that.
00:09:02Yeah, no.
00:09:0380 grand a year, and they couldn't just give us the hoodies.
00:09:06Where are you from?
00:09:07Montclair, New Jersey.
00:09:08You?
00:09:09Stanford, Connecticut.
00:09:10But, like, the shit part.
00:09:11Whatever.
00:09:11Maybe stronger.
00:09:12What are you going to major in?
00:09:13Architectural design?
00:09:14Maybe with a minor in construction management?
00:09:16Same.
00:09:17Really?
00:09:18God, no.
00:09:18No.
00:09:18I'll do fashion merchandising.
00:09:19Or comms, I think.
00:09:20I don't know.
00:09:21Whatever's easier.
00:09:21I'm, like, the first person in my family to go to college, so the stakes could not be lower.
00:09:25Wow, that's a big deal.
00:09:25You should be, like, really proud.
00:09:29I'm sorry.
00:09:30When I said you should be proud, I didn't mean to tell you what you should be.
00:09:32I'm sure you feel very proud without me telling you to feel proud.
00:09:35Stop worrying.
00:09:37If there's one thing you need to know about me, I don't give a fuck.
00:09:40Now, Dr. Schilling, you know the people who say they don't give a fuck.
00:09:43Give the most fucks.
00:09:44No, Celeste truly did not give a fuck.
00:09:47Can I figure out?
00:09:48Like, boobie Melissa, of course you can.
00:09:50Hey, cutie-foot-tootie, it's so cute.
00:09:52Oh, just the fuck up with this baby shit, and please let the lady finish her story.
00:09:56I have a brow tint at four.
00:09:57So fucking rude.
00:09:58Okay, four o'clock tint.
00:09:59Respect.
00:10:00Might want to get a little tweeze while you're at it.
00:10:02Okay, even though orientation was only a couple days, you would have thought Devin and Celeste had been best friends
00:10:06for years.
00:10:07They went boating, they French-braided each other's hair.
00:10:10I mean, there was so much girl-on-girl intimacy, it was giving lesbian period peace.
00:10:14Wait, were they?
00:10:16No.
00:10:17Ugh, boring.
00:10:18But, on the last morning of orientation, Devin decided to pop the big question.
00:10:22Hi.
00:10:23Do you need a ride?
00:10:25Oh, uh.
00:10:26No, my parents are going to come pick me up.
00:10:27Aw, family girl.
00:10:29Yeah.
00:10:29That's cute.
00:10:30Hey, I was going to ask you last night, and then I was like, don't be thirsty.
00:10:33By the way, I don't say that word, thirsty.
00:10:36Devin, stop.
00:10:36We're good.
00:10:37Okay.
00:10:37Um, would you want to be roommates with me?
00:10:42I have honors housing, so it's on the main campus, and we'd have our own bathroom.
00:10:46Yes.
00:10:48Okay.
00:10:48Okay, okay.
00:10:49Yay.
00:10:50Oh, my God.
00:10:50Uh, I'll text you and stuff.
00:10:52We can figure out who wants what side and everything, and have a mini-fridge.
00:10:54Well, this is my dad's mini-fridge, but my mom told me I could take it.
00:10:57That's sick.
00:10:58Yeah.
00:11:00Hey, so you know, I'm not looking for just a roommate.
00:11:03I'm looking for a ride-or-die.
00:11:05I've had fake friends before, and I do not need that.
00:11:08You know what I need?
00:11:10I need someone who will bury the body.
00:11:12Will you do that, Devin?
00:11:14Covering the lime and the duct tape and the hacksaws and the ponchos.
00:11:17Fuck yeah, you thirsty little freak.
00:11:20Thirsty.
00:11:20Okay, Celeste, I was going to ask you.
00:11:21I already have a roommate.
00:11:22Okay, bye.
00:11:23Phoebe.
00:11:24Bye, Deb.
00:11:25Bye.
00:11:33Two weeks had passed since Celeste agreed to be Devin's roommate.
00:11:36At first, the girls had talked constantly, but recently, Celeste had gone silent over text.
00:11:41Packing up for college, Devin was spinning out.
00:11:44Was Celeste even going to show up?
00:11:46Here's what this is.
00:11:48Okay.
00:11:49All right.
00:11:51Pumpkin spice is all packed up with everything in the house.
00:11:55Here are the keys to your car that I have packed entirely with no help from you.
00:11:58Sorry.
00:11:59Are you sure that you don't want us to drive you up to school?
00:12:00We could help you decorate your room.
00:12:02No, no, I don't think anyone's parents are doing that.
00:12:04That's what literally every other parent is doing, but you're the boss.
00:12:07Yeah.
00:12:08One final thing.
00:12:11No, Dad, I have the money I made this summer.
00:12:13Okay, get the fuck out of here with that.
00:12:15This is for emergencies, and booze is not an emergency.
00:12:18Okay.
00:12:19Neither are edibles.
00:12:20Thanks, Dad.
00:12:21I appreciate it.
00:12:21All right, hold on.
00:12:22One more thing.
00:12:24Yeah, my girl.
00:12:28Mom, no, I'm going to break them.
00:12:30They're too nice.
00:12:31Yeah, they break them, they break them.
00:12:32Just don't put them in the microwave.
00:12:33Great.
00:12:34Now I've got to repack the whole trunk.
00:12:35It's going to be a thing.
00:12:37Oh.
00:12:38Wow.
00:12:38Oh, you're bringing a slowpoke.
00:12:39Yeah, of course.
00:12:40Cute.
00:12:43No heart attacks.
00:12:44Let me do it.
00:12:44I got it, I got it, I got it.
00:12:45I think they're just a good idea.
00:12:46Okay.
00:12:53Um, I don't have class for like a week, so maybe I just stay here, and then I go next
00:12:57semester or something like that.
00:12:59Honey, honey, you're spiraling.
00:13:00It's going to be amazing.
00:13:02Yeah, but what if I don't make any friends?
00:13:04You will make friends.
00:13:05If you don't, fuck them.
00:13:07Yeah.
00:13:07And let slowpoke watch you fuck them.
00:13:09Ew.
00:13:10Don't do that.
00:13:10What?
00:13:11He's a pervert.
00:13:12You're so gross.
00:13:12Look, he's a family friend, but he's a pervert.
00:13:35Oh, my God.
00:13:39Um, just be careful with that.
00:13:41Hi, welcome.
00:13:42Hi.
00:13:42I got you.
00:13:43Okay.
00:13:43Okay.
00:13:45You guys work very quick.
00:13:55I'm so gross.
00:13:57I don't know.
00:13:59Okay.
00:14:06I'm so gross.
00:14:07I'm so gross.
00:14:08I'm so gross.
00:14:21I know what you said!
00:14:23I can't believe it either!
00:14:26Very exciting!
00:14:27Hi! You scared me!
00:14:29Do we have a fucking pink toilet?
00:14:30I don't know. Did you see the toilet?
00:14:33Oh my god, it's beautiful.
00:14:34Oh no, look at it. It's a pink toilet!
00:14:36It's a pink toilet! It's a pink toilet!
00:14:38It's a pink toilet!
00:14:38It's a pink toilet!
00:14:38It's a pink toilet!
00:14:38It's a pink toilet!
00:14:39It's a pink toilet!
00:14:39What?!
00:14:48Everything you need to know about me is in these four posters.
00:14:51Really? Good to know.
00:14:58By the way, you can put whatever you want in the mini fridge.
00:15:00It's like both of ours.
00:15:01Your dad's mini fridge.
00:15:03I wonder what else dad's getting us this year.
00:15:08This will be my kombucha palace.
00:15:12Those are really pretty.
00:15:14No, my mom made them.
00:15:16Wait, no. We should have them out.
00:15:19Yeah. Great.
00:15:20You know what would be my worst nightmare?
00:15:23What?
00:15:23If you had shown up and immediately started stringing hundreds of tiny Polaroids.
00:15:26Do you know what I'm talking about?
00:15:27Yes! With the twinkly lights?
00:15:28It's so desperate. Like, okay, you have friends. You don't need an entire shrine to them in your dorm room.
00:15:32And it's also low-key a fire hazard.
00:15:35Okay, Smokey the Bear.
00:15:36Such a good point.
00:15:37Oh, my God. What an ugly, ugly dog.
00:15:40Fuck you, man.
00:15:41That is crazy.
00:15:44Um, what time do you typically go to bed?
00:15:46Um, like 3 a.m.
00:15:49You?
00:15:51I kinda go to bed now.
00:15:52We didn't do a bad job, but I got in the motherfucking house!
00:15:55Is that okay?
00:15:57If I go to bed now?
00:15:58Spin the bottle.
00:15:59Cousin edition!
00:16:04Oh, my God.
00:16:15Do you mind if you turn your light off? If that's possible?
00:16:19Yeah.
00:16:21Not bad.
00:16:22But I don't mind.
00:16:24Good night, Devon.
00:16:26Have a nice sleep.
00:16:26Seven things from Sephora that are easy to shoplift.
00:16:28Number one.
00:16:29Gaslighting is back.
00:16:30Unless the person you're gaslighting is a-
00:16:32Seven minutes of crazy hours out.
00:16:39Can you sleep okay?
00:16:40Yeah, not bad. How about you?
00:16:42I don't know. I feel like many blackout curtains.
00:16:44I just said that!
00:16:46Oh, hi. I'm Amber.
00:16:48Um, I guess we're neighbors.
00:16:49I'm really sorry that we were, like, kinda loud last night.
00:16:51I was trying to put up a shelf, and Olivia was-
00:16:53I'm practicing for fall auditions, so.
00:16:56Yeah.
00:16:56I'm Celeste. This is Devon.
00:16:57Hi.
00:16:58You guys wanna see our room?
00:17:02It's cute.
00:17:05Told you this shit was stupid.
00:17:06Okay, it's fine.
00:17:08Excuse me. Sorry. Hi.
00:17:09Um, do you know how to get to the lower dining hall?
00:17:11Yeah, it's, uh, it's just right there.
00:17:12Closed at 11, though.
00:17:13Wait, what time is it now?
00:17:14It's, uh, 10.58.
00:17:15Shit, okay.
00:17:16Oh!
00:17:17Ah!
00:17:18Back door!
00:17:19Don't take it away!
00:17:21Don't take it away!
00:17:21Don't take it away!
00:17:21Give me the eyes off!
00:17:23Give me the eyes off!
00:17:24Give me the eyes off!
00:17:24Ah!
00:17:25Help me!
00:17:26Quick!
00:17:26Go, lady. Come on.
00:17:28Did you get the bacon?
00:17:30Yes.
00:17:30Can we talk registration?
00:17:31Because I'm a pre-med student, and I need a class I can, like, disassociate through.
00:17:35Yeah, I think I've heard poetry in America is easy.
00:17:37Easy? I'm in.
00:17:38Let's do it.
00:17:39I love poets.
00:17:40They all commit suicide in the craziest ways.
00:17:42Hey.
00:17:43Thanks for us.
00:17:44We missed you last night.
00:17:45We were at, like, 12 different guys' rooms.
00:17:47It was random, but fun.
00:17:48Wow.
00:17:49So, what's up with tonight?
00:17:50Are we going out?
00:17:50I don't know.
00:17:51I have to check with my social director.
00:17:53Do we want to go out?
00:17:57Yeah.
00:17:58Yeah, we're definitely going out tonight.
00:18:02What are you thinking of wearing tonight?
00:18:04I don't really know what the vibe is.
00:18:05Like, do I wear...
00:18:06Hey, Patterson, can I call you back with my roommate?
00:18:09Okay.
00:18:10Bye.
00:18:10Were you on the phone?
00:18:11You don't have to hang up.
00:18:11No, yeah.
00:18:11I was just my therapist.
00:18:12We were at Final Thoughts anyway.
00:18:13He's my crutch.
00:18:15Wow.
00:18:16You guys talk a lot.
00:18:16That's great.
00:18:17Yeah.
00:18:17I have a lot of family stuff.
00:18:19My dad was a janitor at my high school, so I was kind of loaded.
00:18:23Coming!
00:18:27Hey, Kyle from Instacart.
00:18:28Thank you, stud.
00:18:29You get five stars just for being hot.
00:18:30I'm actually gay, so...
00:18:32All right.
00:18:33Blackout curtains are here.
00:18:34And a bunch of other shit.
00:18:38Wait.
00:18:39Wait, what's your Venmo?
00:18:39I'll split this with you.
00:18:40We're roommates.
00:18:41We can't be counting who owes who what.
00:18:43Besides, we're in the same boat.
00:18:44Drowning in student loans.
00:18:47Wait.
00:18:48Devin.
00:18:49Do your parents pay your full tuition?
00:18:51Is that bad?
00:18:52No.
00:18:52Just must be nice.
00:18:55Well, I mean, I worked all summer at Wetzel's Pretzels.
00:18:56And my mom and dad make me pay for books and gas and stuff.
00:19:00I love this smokey eye.
00:19:02Can I do one thing?
00:19:03Uh, sure.
00:19:10Yeah.
00:19:11You got big ass lips.
00:19:12Might as well line that shit.
00:19:14It looks fire.
00:19:162-5-1-1!
00:19:18Friday free game!
00:19:20Who wants the shot?
00:19:21Me.
00:19:21All right.
00:19:21Let's go, girl.
00:19:22Starting at 6.30.
00:19:23Oh, yeah.
00:19:24Oh, is this about to be Devin's core four?
00:19:26Maybe.
00:19:27So, the girls went out that night to-
00:19:29Senior Row.
00:19:30Literally our first weekend.
00:19:31I feel like our night there was kind of a bust, though.
00:19:33Oh, my God.
00:19:34You'd think everything sucks.
00:19:35We went to go get pizza at Chi Chi's.
00:19:37Yeah, and we thought we were sitting next to CeeLo Green,
00:19:38but it turned out to just be a fat gay guy wearing a cape.
00:19:41Anyways, the girls went out that night.
00:19:43Each curating their individual looks.
00:19:48Hi.
00:19:49I'm going to a party, baby.
00:19:50No, I don't know how many guys are gonna be there.
00:19:52Sorry, it's my boyfriend again.
00:19:55What the heck is going on?
00:19:56Why can't we get in anywhere?
00:19:57It's because we're freshmen.
00:19:59Senior girls feel threatened by us.
00:20:00My thing is, like, we're not gonna hook up with your boyfriends, okay?
00:20:03So just let us have your alcohol.
00:20:04What is this?
00:20:04What are you doing?
00:20:05What is this?
00:20:06I don't want you to just stay in your room, babe,
00:20:08because that's sad.
00:20:10Okay, yeah.
00:20:11I'll send you a pic from the bathroom, I guess.
00:20:13Jesus Christ.
00:20:15Again, it's like, no, it never ended.
00:20:17What?
00:20:17What?
00:20:17Oh.
00:20:19Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:20:20This is a closed party.
00:20:22Club Ultimate Frisbee members only.
00:20:23Well, that's perfect.
00:20:24We've been meaning to join.
00:20:25Yeah, totally.
00:20:26Love Frisbee.
00:20:27Yes, it's the ultimate.
00:20:28I was on my high school club team.
00:20:29Oh, y'all can flick it.
00:20:31Then, ladies, come on in.
00:20:32See you at practice.
00:20:34Six-thirty am on Sundays.
00:20:36So, be there.
00:20:38No!
00:20:40I typed the text to a girl I used to see.
00:20:41No!
00:20:42No!
00:20:44No!
00:20:44No!
00:20:45No!
00:20:46No!
00:20:56Holy shit!
00:20:57You should take a photo.
00:20:58Yes, yes!
00:20:59Yes, yes, yes!
00:21:04Can you take one of just me and dad?
00:21:05Oh, yeah.
00:21:06Oh, no, no.
00:21:06Oh, yeah.
00:21:07That's really cute.
00:21:11That's nice.
00:21:12I love you.
00:21:13I love you.
00:21:15Yeah, you want to shake back?
00:21:17Yeah.
00:21:18Is that good?
00:21:19Okay.
00:21:19I love you.
00:21:21I love you.
00:21:24Woo!
00:21:25Woo!
00:21:25Woo!
00:21:27Woo!
00:21:27Woo!
00:21:36Hi.
00:21:37Oh, my God.
00:21:41Take it.
00:21:41Take it.
00:21:42Oh, my God.
00:21:44No, no, no, no.
00:21:47Hi.
00:21:47let's get in. Oh,
00:21:48yeah. Oh,
00:21:50yeah. I'm
00:21:50being a bitch. Oh,
00:21:52yeah. Oh,
00:21:53yeah. Oh,
00:21:53yeah. I'm
00:21:55just a motherfuckin' kid.
00:22:03Oh, I would not use that.
00:22:04The Brita has been in there since, like, last year.
00:22:09What do I smell?
00:22:12Does it smell good or bad?
00:22:13I'm not sure.
00:22:15This is paella.
00:22:16I kind of got obsessed with it when I lived in Spain,
00:22:18and I've been craving it ever since I got back.
00:22:20You want to try some?
00:22:21Yeah, yeah, sure.
00:22:27Oh, my God.
00:22:28It's really spicy.
00:22:30It's bad.
00:22:31Yeah, it's not good.
00:22:32What we have is salt, onion powder, and red chili flakes.
00:22:35When are we in Spain?
00:22:36Last semester.
00:22:37I was doing a gallery seminar in Barcelona.
00:22:39Wait, are you an architecture major?
00:22:40Yeah.
00:22:41Me too.
00:22:41Or I will be when classes start.
00:22:43Oh, you're a freshman.
00:22:45Yeah, yeah.
00:22:46Freshman Devin.
00:22:47I mean, I am a freshman, and my name is Devin.
00:22:51Okay, we're up next for beer pong, and I've got to be honest, I'm really bad.
00:22:54Ow!
00:22:54Who are you?
00:22:55Uh, Michael.
00:22:56Michael, I'm watching you.
00:22:57You fuck with her, you fuck with me.
00:22:59Copy that?
00:23:00No, she's just drunk.
00:23:02Woo-hoo!
00:23:11We're never gonna die!
00:23:15You okay?
00:23:17So that guy was just, like, making rice in the middle of a party?
00:23:20First I thought it was sad, but then I realized it was definitely sad.
00:23:23Yeah.
00:23:23Senior, though.
00:23:25I don't mind that part.
00:23:26Oh, my God.
00:23:27It's because your boyfriend's in 12th grade.
00:23:28Love of my life.
00:23:30Older guys always like younger girls.
00:23:31It's fucking gross.
00:23:33Well, I think he's only 21.
00:23:34Oh, well, then, that's whatever, then.
00:23:36I'm 20.
00:23:37You're 20?
00:23:38Well, I went to USC for a little bit, and then I bailed out to do a gap year.
00:23:42More like thigh gap year.
00:23:44I'm sorry.
00:23:44I'm trying wordplay.
00:23:45It's not working.
00:23:46It's insane.
00:23:47If that's what you think wordplay is.
00:23:49Okay.
00:23:50Oh, my God.
00:23:50I'm chewing over it.
00:23:51I'm still concussed.
00:23:51You're not concussed.
00:23:52You're just stupid.
00:23:53I need you to learn how to drink before we go to Panama City, because I'm not going to
00:23:56babysit your ass while we're out there.
00:23:57Wait, when are you guys going to Panama City?
00:23:59Spring break.
00:24:00You guys should come.
00:24:00Yeah, you should, but you have to buy tickets, like, right now.
00:24:02For April.
00:24:03Everyone from Walton goes to the same resort.
00:24:04It sells out, like, immediately.
00:24:06Yeah.
00:24:06I'm going to send you the link right now.
00:24:07I'm down.
00:24:08I mean, I don't have my card on me, but if you book the flights and stuff, I'll memo you.
00:24:12We'll have to do this.
00:24:13It's going to go.
00:24:14You should do it right now.
00:24:15You're going to pay me back.
00:24:16Oh, my God.
00:24:17Oh, my God.
00:24:17Just shut up.
00:24:18Just buy it.
00:24:20Oh, my God.
00:24:20Oh, my God.
00:24:22Just do it.
00:24:22Florida.
00:24:23Florida.
00:24:24Florida.
00:24:24Florida.
00:24:26I'm still drunk.
00:24:27Let's do it.
00:24:29Wait, wait, wait.
00:24:29We're actually all going to Panama City.
00:24:31Yes?
00:24:31I am so going to make that and get attacked by that.
00:24:34I'm not doing that.
00:24:41Good morning, everyone.
00:24:42How are we?
00:24:44That good, huh?
00:24:46Okay, show of hands.
00:24:47Who completed the assignment for the first day?
00:24:48I see the models of your favorite buildings.
00:24:50Good, good, good.
00:24:50And who did not?
00:24:53And why didn't you?
00:24:55Just because the first line of the syllabus said to read the whole syllabus,
00:24:58and the last line said to discard all assignments for the first day.
00:25:01Yes!
00:25:01First rule of structural design, read the fucking syllabus.
00:25:04For those of us who did make models, will they be graded?
00:25:07They will not.
00:25:08And you should be glad.
00:25:10Everybody, back there is your Section T.A. Michael.
00:25:12And if you are ever getting the urge to email me, email Michael instead.
00:25:16My office hours are Friday from 2 to 4, but email me whenever.
00:25:19I live for your long-winded excuses written by ChatGPT.
00:25:23He's her T.A.?
00:25:25This would go so good or so bad.
00:25:26No, but they can't do anything because the power dynamics are off.
00:25:28Girl, bye.
00:25:29He's still a student.
00:25:30It's totally fine.
00:25:31So did she get that T.A. dick?
00:25:33I'll tell you more about their burgeoning romance outside.
00:25:35Gotta take Melissa for her walk.
00:25:36I see her tushy hole is throbbing.
00:25:38Ew!
00:25:48What molecule carries genetic information?
00:25:49Nucleus.
00:25:50No.
00:25:50What type of blood cells fight infection?
00:25:52Nucleus.
00:25:52No.
00:25:55I feel like shit.
00:25:57Why don't you go to our room and sleep?
00:25:58I can't.
00:25:59I have a paper on the history of Dena dude tomorrow.
00:26:02How much of it do you have written?
00:26:04None.
00:26:05None.
00:26:11I'll do it.
00:26:12You just, you go rest.
00:26:13Don't you have your design midterm dude tomorrow?
00:26:15No, it's done.
00:26:16It's on my desk.
00:26:17I just have to study for art history now.
00:26:19Okay.
00:26:22I promise I'll make it up to you, my little genius.
00:26:25If I were you, I would not sleep in our dorm tonight.
00:26:29You do not want to get what I have.
00:26:31Trust me.
00:26:33Girl, cover your mouth.
00:26:34Oh.
00:26:45367.
00:26:45Did you go to köem?
00:26:50How many are you?
00:26:50How many are you doing?
00:26:50I'm not.
00:26:51Right.
00:26:54I'm not.
00:26:55I'm really doing not.
00:26:55But to see if I know you maybe, I know you're in-
00:26:58I know you're the only thing to me.
00:26:58Do you remember me?
00:27:00See?
00:27:10No.
00:27:10No.
00:27:11No.
00:27:12No.
00:27:12No.
00:27:12No.
00:27:13No.
00:27:13What the fuck?
00:27:13Yo, we studying.
00:27:14I'm sorry.
00:27:16You wanna meet me outside?
00:27:18Yeah.
00:27:19Okay.
00:27:24How did you have my number?
00:27:25I, uh, the class contact form.
00:27:27I'm sorry if that was weird by the way.
00:27:28I was trying to be funny.
00:27:29It was very weird.
00:27:30Yeah.
00:27:31But I liked it.
00:27:33Which way are you headed?
00:27:34Back to Addison.
00:27:35Oh, honors dorm.
00:27:36The only dorm on campus with your own bathroom.
00:27:38Yes.
00:27:39Living the dream.
00:27:39Pooing in my own room.
00:27:41Yep.
00:27:42Yeah.
00:27:43Awesome.
00:27:44So what got freshman Devin into architecture anyways?
00:27:46Actually, my grandma Gigi lives in a Frank Lloyd Wright house.
00:27:48What?
00:27:49Yeah.
00:27:49No freaking way.
00:27:50Well, technically, Mary Mahoney Griffin designed it, but she was a draftsman in this firm.
00:27:54Yeah, I know who she is.
00:27:54That's maybe even cooler.
00:27:56I think I wanna visit Gigi.
00:27:58Well, she loves visitors.
00:27:59She'll make you Negronis and ask you to dance with her.
00:28:01Okay.
00:28:02I'm all in on Gigi.
00:28:03But I have to warn you, if she kisses you on the cheek, it's never gonna come off.
00:28:07Damn.
00:28:08Gigi sounds like my type.
00:28:09Well, she's single.
00:28:10Okay.
00:28:15Okay.
00:28:21Hey, Celeste, I brought you soup and a pe...
00:28:25Hey, you're in my poetry class.
00:28:31Oh, my God.
00:28:33You know, I kinda went down on you, but you did.
00:28:35Get the fuck out.
00:28:36Alright.
00:28:39I'm Theo, by the way.
00:28:42I'll see you in class.
00:28:46Ooh.
00:28:47I pushed the beds together because he was a wrestler.
00:28:49He was, like, kinda huge.
00:28:51Yeah, I thought you were sick.
00:28:52I think it was just allergies.
00:28:53I tried calling you.
00:28:59Okay, um...
00:29:01Here's your paper.
00:29:02Oh, thank you.
00:29:04You mind emailing it to me, too?
00:29:06I might wanna make a couple tweaks.
00:29:08Yeah.
00:29:09Sure.
00:29:16Did we break your thing?
00:29:18Yeah.
00:29:20I'll figure it out.
00:29:24Okay.
00:29:35Who's calling?
00:29:36Devin.
00:29:37Oh.
00:29:38Hi.
00:29:39Hi, honey.
00:29:40Where are you?
00:29:40It looks dangerous.
00:29:41What?
00:29:42I'm in the laundry room.
00:29:43I'm just washing my sheets.
00:29:44What's wrong?
00:29:45What's going on?
00:29:46It's just Celeste.
00:29:47She's so annoying.
00:29:48I thought you liked her.
00:29:49What do you mean?
00:29:49She just...
00:29:50I offered to help her with her paper because she said she was sick,
00:29:52and when I got home, she was randomly way better.
00:29:55Hey, sweetheart, we don't do other people's schoolwork.
00:29:57Oh, my God.
00:29:57Dad, you're missing the point, okay?
00:29:59I'm gonna go.
00:30:00Babe, no, no, no, honey.
00:30:01Don't go.
00:30:01Let's talk about it, honey.
00:30:02Just let us know.
00:30:03What's she doing to you, sweetie?
00:30:04Okay, my entire mini-fridge is full of her stinky kombucha bottles.
00:30:07She doesn't clean the bathroom, ever.
00:30:09She borrowed my new hoodie and I hadn't even taken the price tag off yet.
00:30:11Uh-huh.
00:30:12Dad, okay.
00:30:13Have you tried talking to her?
00:30:16What?
00:30:16No, that would be so weird.
00:30:18Hey, sweetheart, look, we don't talk about people.
00:30:21We talk to them, okay?
00:30:22That's right.
00:30:23Do you understand me?
00:30:23Dad, it's a FaceTime.
00:30:25Take it away from your ear.
00:30:26Ah!
00:30:27He thought it was an ear time, honey.
00:30:28It's fine.
00:30:29I just miss you guys.
00:30:30Sweet, we miss you, too.
00:30:31I miss you, too, and you are coming home, okay?
00:30:33Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away.
00:30:34Okay.
00:30:34While we're talking about travel, I did see a charge for $4,000
00:30:37for plane tickets on the emergency credit cards.
00:30:40God, I'm sorry.
00:30:41That's for spring break.
00:30:42I'll Venmo you once Celeste pays me back.
00:30:43Doesn't she have her own father to take advantage of?
00:30:45Oh, my God.
00:30:46Wow, I can't believe there's machines open.
00:30:48That is nice.
00:30:49Oh, are you on FaceTime?
00:30:50Yeah, I'm just on FaceTime with my parents.
00:30:51Oh, my God.
00:30:53Hi, Mom.
00:30:53Hi, Dad.
00:30:54I'm Celeste.
00:30:55Hi, Celeste.
00:30:56Hey, your daughter is legitimately my favorite part about college.
00:31:00Oh.
00:31:01You know what?
00:31:01She says just the same thing about you, doesn't she?
00:31:03Yeah, she really does.
00:31:04She really does.
00:31:04Celeste, honey, what are you doing for the holidays?
00:31:06Are you going to do anything nice for Thanksgiving?
00:31:07Um, probably stay on campus, um, because I have some family stuff going on.
00:31:11But it'll be good to catch up on some sleep.
00:31:14Wow.
00:31:14Oh, sorry.
00:31:15My therapist is calling.
00:31:17At midnight?
00:31:17It was so nice to meet you guys.
00:31:18It's so nice to meet you, honey.
00:31:21Dev.
00:31:21Yeah, yeah.
00:31:22Invite her here.
00:31:23What?
00:31:24No.
00:31:25She's doing a shrink at midnight, okay?
00:31:26She looks like some sort of a vagabond.
00:31:28Can you say tipsy anymore?
00:31:29You can't, right?
00:31:30It's nice to have a friend.
00:31:31You like her, so just work it out.
00:31:32Did you not just hear what I said?
00:31:33No, I'm not inviting her.
00:31:35Invite her here.
00:31:39It won't stay, but I'll talk to you until it's gone again.
00:31:44Oh my god, I'm so happy to be off campus.
00:31:46Thank you, Dev.
00:31:48Yeah, it's gonna be fun.
00:31:49Um, also, I just wanted to say sorry about that night during midterms.
00:31:55You know, when you do something, then afterwards you realize, like, fuck, like, that was really
00:32:00stupid of me.
00:32:01No, it's all good.
00:32:02I just, I would appreciate if you didn't sit on guys' faces in my bed.
00:32:06That is an incredibly fair request.
00:32:08I can commit to that.
00:32:10I believe in you.
00:32:14Pam, you didn't tell me you were rich rich.
00:32:16We're not rich, we're like middle class.
00:32:18Why do rich people always like to say they're middle class?
00:32:20Hi.
00:32:21Aw.
00:32:23Did you grow?
00:32:23Maybe.
00:32:24Are you taller?
00:32:24Hi.
00:32:25Are we allowed to hug?
00:32:25I don't know what they're okay.
00:32:27Okay, other rules.
00:32:28No shoes.
00:32:29Let's get the cowboy boots up.
00:32:30It's fine.
00:32:30We just don't want this to be normal.
00:32:30Heckin's buzzkill.
00:32:31Hi, girls.
00:32:32Celeste, it's whatever you want, baby.
00:32:34Hi, Devon.
00:32:34Hi, Mom.
00:32:36Hi.
00:32:37You look so beautiful.
00:32:38Welcome home, be back.
00:32:41Hi.
00:32:42Hi.
00:32:42Hi.
00:32:42I'm Alex.
00:32:43I can take your...
00:32:45Look at this gentleman.
00:32:46Chivalry's alive.
00:32:47Yes.
00:32:47Hi, honey, I'm so happy you're here.
00:32:49You too.
00:32:50Brian, we're gonna order sushi.
00:32:52You like sushi?
00:32:52Yes.
00:32:53Love sushi.
00:32:54Okay, let's have some.
00:32:56Whatever happened to fuckin' chicken fingers?
00:32:58No, let's get $200 a eel.
00:33:06First place at the Montclair Junior swim meet?
00:33:09No, I actually came in last place.
00:33:11Aw.
00:33:11But my parents just made me that because they were proud I participated.
00:33:14Look at the inscription.
00:33:15It literally says best try.
00:33:17Wow, your parents never wanted you to feel bad, did they?
00:33:20Oh, yeah.
00:33:20They love me.
00:33:22Like, maybe too much sometimes.
00:33:24What are these?
00:33:26Oh, my God.
00:33:26I am more than my anxiety.
00:33:28No, they're just like little affirmations.
00:33:30No, you can put them up in our bathroom if you want.
00:33:32No, I don't need them anymore.
00:33:35Why?
00:33:35Do you...
00:33:35Do you take something?
00:33:37Uh, I take a fexer.
00:33:39Like a super low dose, though.
00:33:40Why didn't you tell me?
00:33:42I'm just kinda private about it.
00:33:43Well, I told you about my therapist.
00:33:45No, I know that.
00:33:46I...
00:33:46I should have said something.
00:33:47I'm sorry, or...
00:33:48I don't know why.
00:33:49I'm sorry.
00:33:49It's fine.
00:33:49We're fine.
00:33:50It's okay.
00:33:52Yo, Celeste.
00:33:53You play Catan?
00:33:54Uh, you know, I didn't really play board games because I was always popular, but what's Catan?
00:33:58It's actually, like, really fun.
00:33:59You build roads and settlements and stuff.
00:34:03Alex, can we think about it?
00:34:05Uh, yeah, sure.
00:34:07So, when did your brother come out?
00:34:09Oh, he hasn't brought that up.
00:34:11Oh, okay.
00:34:13Well, we should go out tonight.
00:34:15After Catan?
00:34:16I mean, it's kind of a long game.
00:34:17Uh, maybe Catan's a different night?
00:34:19Okay.
00:34:20We can go to the bowling alley.
00:34:22Or the mall.
00:34:23I mean, it closes at 10, but we can go for a little.
00:34:24No.
00:34:25Like a bar.
00:34:26Oh, no.
00:34:27We won't be able to get in.
00:34:28I mean, all the bars are your card.
00:34:31Oh, well.
00:34:33It's a good thing.
00:34:34It's a really good thing that we have IDs!
00:34:45Thank you for letting me borrow this?
00:34:47Yes, of course.
00:34:47You look awesome.
00:34:52Wait, you used my real name?
00:34:54No, you want to use your real name.
00:34:56Or you can still use your credit card.
00:34:58Oh, wait, that's smart.
00:34:59Yeah, it's the home address you want to change.
00:35:01That way, if they take it, they can't track you down.
00:35:03They'll never find you at 126 Crestview Road, Stanford, Connecticut.
00:35:07That's my address.
00:35:08That's my home address.
00:35:09See, I switched down the face.
00:35:10So, technically, it's in my hometown bar, not yours.
00:35:13All right.
00:35:14Penis time.
00:35:16Hey, dude.
00:35:17Yeah, let's see some IDs, ladies.
00:35:19Yes.
00:35:21Yeah, fine.
00:35:22Whatever.
00:35:22What are you drinking?
00:35:24For real?
00:35:25We will get two tequila sodas with lime and six green tea shots.
00:35:28Open or close?
00:35:29Open.
00:35:30Do you have your card?
00:35:32Uh, yeah.
00:35:33Yeah.
00:35:34Devin?
00:35:37Hi.
00:35:38Devin.
00:35:39This is so fun.
00:35:40You're literally the last person I thought we'd see out tonight.
00:35:42Aw, so cute.
00:35:43Oh, uh, this is Ella, Emma, Ava, and Emma.
00:35:48I'm Celeste.
00:35:49I'm Devin's best friend.
00:35:50Oh.
00:35:51Nice to meet you.
00:35:51We know Devin from high school.
00:35:53Oh, nice.
00:35:55Are you gonna introduce yourself, or are you just gonna keep staring at me?
00:35:58Uh, I was just staring at your tattoos.
00:36:00No, you weren't, but that's okay.
00:36:02He wants to do a shot.
00:36:03What?
00:36:04Oh, ah!
00:36:04Got it?
00:36:05Are you serious?
00:36:06It's real.
00:36:07You want one?
00:36:08What?
00:36:08Oh, definitely.
00:36:12Oh, fuck.
00:36:13Devin, which should we cheers to?
00:36:15To not being in high school anymore.
00:36:16That's so real.
00:36:18Cheers.
00:36:21Buy me later.
00:36:22Okay.
00:36:26Yes.
00:36:26Up next is a character who reminds us that it's never too late to try something new.
00:36:31Leo has been here...
00:36:32I almost had to beat up an old lady to get these tiny marshmallows, but I got them!
00:36:36Ha, ha, ha!
00:36:38Oh, Leo, truly inspiring, and, uh...
00:36:42Hey, Dee, you ask your mom if she needs any help?
00:36:45I'm doing the mashed potatoes.
00:36:46Okay, well, that's the easiest one.
00:36:47Can you see if she needs anything?
00:36:49Jesus!
00:36:49Make yourself available!
00:36:51I know.
00:36:51Mick Jagger with the sunglasses?
00:36:53Celeste, you can sit.
00:36:54Oh, no!
00:36:54I insist!
00:36:55Okay, fine.
00:36:56Love you, Brian.
00:36:57Okay.
00:37:01I am annoying.
00:37:04I am fake.
00:37:05I'm not who I mean.
00:37:06Have you ever seen Drag Race?
00:37:08Uh, no.
00:37:11You should.
00:37:13You'd love it.
00:37:13I'm gonna wanna make it that everybody was attacking you.
00:37:15Yeah, I feel very attacked!
00:37:20Celeste seems like a good hang.
00:37:21Did you have fun last night?
00:37:22Uh, yeah, unfortunately.
00:37:24I was in college, and I had a hangover.
00:37:25I'd drink a whole bottle of wine, eat some chicken nuggets, take a nap, and just sleep all day.
00:37:29Mom, that's really sad.
00:37:31Well, all moms are a little sad.
00:37:32You'll see.
00:37:34Hello, my family!
00:37:36Happy Thanksgiving, where he is!
00:37:38Hi, Mom!
00:37:39Happy Thanksgiving!
00:37:40How about the new ponies?
00:37:42Hi!
00:37:42Hi!
00:37:43So good to see you!
00:37:43Happy Thanksgiving!
00:37:46Honey, how is college going?
00:37:48Are you an architect yet?
00:37:50No, not yet.
00:37:51Well, did you tell those professors about the house that I live in?
00:37:54Yeah, I did!
00:37:54That didn't buy you...
00:37:55Uh-oh!
00:37:57Who is this beautiful young woman?
00:37:59Oh, this is my roommate, Celeste.
00:38:01Celeste?
00:38:01Well, I am your Gigi.
00:38:04Oh!
00:38:04Come here!
00:38:05Come here!
00:38:07Here's Brian!
00:38:08Hi!
00:38:10Bula, you grew your mustache back.
00:38:11Just to piss you off.
00:38:12Mission accomplished.
00:38:13D, can you come out and help me with the turkey, please?
00:38:15Want me to get Alex?
00:38:16No, I don't trust him near this.
00:38:17You are a wanted woman.
00:38:18I'll start on the bus.
00:38:19Oh, thank you, honey.
00:38:20Hi, Mom.
00:38:21Come on!
00:38:21I need my girl.
00:38:22Why don't you get it?
00:38:23Okay, cool.
00:38:24I need ice.
00:38:26Can I take you a drink?
00:38:27Yes.
00:38:27Come on.
00:38:28Oh!
00:38:29Oh!
00:38:30Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
00:38:31It's actually good.
00:38:32You can do kettlebell.
00:38:33You can just kind of do your kettlebell exercise like that.
00:38:35You can swing it, too, if you want.
00:38:37I don't want this to look sexual.
00:38:39If it's looking sexual, I'm doing it wrong.
00:38:40It is.
00:38:40Okay, then I'm gonna stop.
00:38:41All right, can I take a picture?
00:38:42Yeah.
00:38:45That's good.
00:38:45For the grid?
00:38:46No.
00:38:47Just for stories?
00:38:48Okay.
00:38:49I'm gonna lower it down.
00:38:50Ooh, listen to that sizzle.
00:38:53Celeste is, uh, she's funny.
00:38:55Yeah.
00:38:56You're funnier, though.
00:38:58Okay.
00:38:59Keep an eye on it, okay?
00:39:00Hey, Dee.
00:39:01Mm-hmm.
00:39:01I love you.
00:39:02I love you.
00:39:19Hey, honey.
00:39:21Hi.
00:39:22You out here all alone?
00:39:23Yeah.
00:39:24No, you're not.
00:39:26You know, your friend in there is so pretty.
00:39:29But the tattoos are so ugly.
00:39:32What is that about?
00:39:32Stop.
00:39:33Don't say that.
00:39:35I'm gonna take a shifter.
00:39:36No, no.
00:39:37Go back inside.
00:39:37I got it.
00:39:38They won't let me do anything in there.
00:39:39Go watch a turkey.
00:39:41You're with your friend.
00:39:42You brought her.
00:39:42Go be with her.
00:39:44Okay.
00:39:45Okay.
00:39:46Bye.
00:39:50When I was your age, I got a tattoo with my college boyfriend, Vern.
00:39:54Oh, my God.
00:39:55Vicki, you were crazy about Vern.
00:39:56She was obsessed with Vern.
00:39:57I mean, in fairness, everything was.
00:39:58And I'll never forget how happy he made me.
00:40:01Fun fact about Vern, he's now married to Whitney Cummings.
00:40:03Get out.
00:40:04Who?
00:40:04Yeah.
00:40:05I know I act like I'm cool with all the Vern talk, but I'm not.
00:40:07Okay.
00:40:08You know, Devin has a Vern.
00:40:09He's her TA.
00:40:10What are you talking about?
00:40:11Really?
00:40:12Oh, my, Devin likes a boy.
00:40:14Okay.
00:40:14Every time Devin's around him, she's like, Michael, hi, I love you.
00:40:18Honey, honey, I don't say that.
00:40:20I don't say that.
00:40:20Something is going on out there.
00:40:21What?
00:40:23Oh, my God.
00:40:24Oh, my God.
00:40:25Mom!
00:40:25Mom!
00:40:25Don't let go.
00:40:26Mom!
00:40:27Mom!
00:40:28Oh, my God.
00:40:29What are we doing?
00:40:29She's on fire.
00:40:30Oh, my God.
00:40:35Oh, my God.
00:40:37Oh, my God.
00:40:38Oh, my God.
00:40:39Oh, my God.
00:40:40Oh, my God.
00:40:41I spilled my drink.
00:40:41Mom, you don't need that.
00:40:42You all right?
00:40:43You okay?
00:40:44I'm okay.
00:40:44You're okay.
00:40:46You're supposed to be watching the friar, huh?
00:40:47She told me to go inside.
00:40:49I don't know.
00:40:49Brian, Brian, it's okay.
00:40:50I knew Devin was out of it today, so I had to be the responsible one.
00:40:53Oh, what size head do you have?
00:40:54I'm going to crochet your hat.
00:40:56Grandma's hats are iconic.
00:40:58Celeste, that was oddball in.
00:41:00He was like a frickin' firefighter.
00:41:05Devin woke up the next morning with a stomachache, knowing she had to spend the rest of the weekend with
00:41:09Celeste.
00:41:17Immediately, she felt better.
00:41:19Hey, D, you up yet?
00:41:20Come have some breakfast.
00:41:21I'm making waffles.
00:41:22Don't fart him, Dad.
00:41:23Too late.
00:41:25Devin returned back to the dorms just in time for her 19th birthday.
00:41:41Happy birthday!
00:41:42God.
00:41:44Thank you so much.
00:41:45This is so nice.
00:41:46Of course.
00:41:46You like it?
00:41:47Yeah.
00:41:47I mean, I can't believe you did all this.
00:41:48So I'm thinking for your birthday.
00:41:50Mm-hmm.
00:41:50The four of us, we go to ABBA.
00:41:51It's like Mediterranean, but then they also have a hookah lounge?
00:41:54That sounds awesome.
00:41:55Nice.
00:41:55Okay, I'm gonna shower.
00:41:56Yeah.
00:42:00Um, is that my bra and underwear?
00:42:03Yeah, they were in my drawer.
00:42:20Celeste's actions had moved Devin from anxious to full-blown paranoid.
00:42:23She needed a second opinion, so she went to the smartest woman on campus.
00:42:27Hey, girly pop.
00:42:28Wait, you're in this story.
00:42:30Why do you have a fucking bull cut?
00:42:31It was a bob.
00:42:33And how are you seeing that anyway?
00:42:34That's weird.
00:42:35Wow.
00:42:36These are awesome.
00:42:37My mom's a ceramicist.
00:42:38Oh, nice.
00:42:39Yeah.
00:42:40The welding studio is like a 20-minute walk away, so I was like, fuck walking.
00:42:43Is the school okay with that?
00:42:45No.
00:42:47What's up?
00:42:48You're just here to admire my decor.
00:42:51I guess I was wondering what the process is for switching roommates.
00:42:54Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:42:56Switching roommates is a last resort.
00:42:58The school only allows that in extreme circumstances.
00:43:00She'd have to be, like, threatening your life or...
00:43:02I'm just, I'm having a problem with boundaries, if you have any advice about that.
00:43:06The thing about communication is that you're not gonna get what you want unless you ask for it.
00:43:10So just be direct.
00:43:13Hey Celeste, can I talk to you about something?
00:43:15Not now.
00:43:16After we watch Coolis.
00:43:17Oh my God.
00:43:18I cannot believe you haven't seen this fucking movie.
00:43:21You were so sheltered.
00:43:22Trivia fact, Stacey Dash was 30 when she filmed this.
00:43:2630?
00:43:27It's close to your age.
00:43:30Whoa, what the fuck?
00:43:32Sorry, I, um, I just have to charge my computer.
00:43:35I was about to die.
00:43:39Go back.
00:43:40Yeah.
00:43:41Did you get your report card?
00:43:43Yeah, I'm choked.
00:43:44How'd you do?
00:43:44I totally choked.
00:43:45My father's gonna go ballistic on me.
00:43:47So, I have really enjoyed reading all your poems this semester.
00:43:51I loved it so much that I think the entire class should get a chance to hear them before winter
00:43:55break.
00:43:55Oh, come on.
00:43:56Who's gonna kick us out?
00:43:57Anybody?
00:43:58Don't everybody jump up at once.
00:43:59I'll go.
00:44:00Celeste!
00:44:01All right, come on down.
00:44:07My poem is called, The Girl Who's Barely There.
00:44:12It's 8am.
00:44:13The girl methodically puts together an outfit that precisely zero people will notice.
00:44:19It's almost as if that's her goal, to be imperceptible, inoffensive, insignificant.
00:44:27She's the girl who's barely there.
00:44:31It's noon.
00:44:32The girl laughs too hard at a joke of a handsome senior.
00:44:36He's a kaleidoscope.
00:44:37She's beige, yet also clear.
00:44:41She's the girl who's barely there.
00:44:44It's 10pm.
00:44:45The girl waits for someone to make plans for her.
00:44:47She wonders, do I exist merely to refract the brilliance of others?
00:44:52Am I like a glass wall, so translucent that someone might walk straight through me?
00:44:57Crash!
00:44:59Sweep!
00:45:00Trash!
00:45:01Gone.
00:45:02She's the girl who used to be there.
00:45:12Great job, Celeste!
00:45:13I love your use of imagery and how you play with form.
00:45:16All right, let's open it up.
00:45:17What else did people notice?
00:45:18Mara?
00:45:20Celeste did a great job of capturing the emptiness of the character.
00:45:25We all know this girl.
00:45:27And you just want to go up to her and say, you're not the victim.
00:45:30You just suck.
00:45:33See you about my ex.
00:45:35That was inappropriate.
00:45:36Anyone else?
00:45:38Theo?
00:45:40Um, I thought we had to rhyme.
00:45:42No, you're not supposed to rhyme.
00:45:44Okay, not every poem is a rhyme.
00:45:45If you ever wrote a poem about me like that, I'd fucking kill you.
00:45:47Oh, well, you did that already?
00:45:48Remember when you sang that song at open mic night at the Delvin basement?
00:45:52Oh, wait, I didn't write that.
00:45:53That was a Brandi Carlisle song.
00:45:54Really?
00:45:55Yeah, you dumb bitch.
00:45:56See, look, we're finding out about things.
00:45:58We're starting to heal.
00:45:59Oh!
00:46:00Oh, no!
00:46:01I'm so sorry, Dr. Schilling.
00:46:03It's all good, George.
00:46:03Hey, Peaky!
00:46:05That was a great toss, you fucking piece of shit!
00:46:07You're a fucking amateur!
00:46:09Oh, my God!
00:46:11Am I tripping or is that the same, George?
00:46:12Oh, that's George.
00:46:13He keeps getting degrees so he can keep playing frisbee.
00:46:16All right, where was I?
00:46:18Right.
00:46:18Ah, winter break.
00:46:20A gift from the college gods that comes right when you need it most.
00:46:23Devin spent her first few weeks at home obsessing over Celeste's shitty poem.
00:46:27And Michael slid into her DMs on New Year's.
00:46:29Ooh, Michael.
00:46:30As she talked to Michael more and more, Devin put the focus back on school.
00:46:34Maybe this semester wouldn't be so bad after all.
00:46:37Hey, Professor Zeman.
00:46:38Devin's here?
00:46:39Oh!
00:46:40Ms. Weiss.
00:46:41Hi.
00:46:42Hi.
00:46:42Listen, over the break I had dinner with the department head and I showed him your work on
00:46:46the structural analysis problem sets.
00:46:48And he could not believe you were a freshman.
00:46:50Really?
00:46:50Yeah.
00:46:51Have you considered submitting to Walt and Conn?
00:46:53Is that a TED Talk thing?
00:46:54Good God, no.
00:46:55It's this annual campus-wide competition where a student from each major presents a project
00:46:58based around improving campus life.
00:47:00And Michael and I...
00:47:01We're talking, yes?
00:47:02Yes.
00:47:02And we feel you should submit.
00:47:04Wow, that's awesome.
00:47:05Yeah, I'll definitely think about it.
00:47:07Okay.
00:47:08I thought about it?
00:47:10Yes.
00:47:10I'm in.
00:47:11Great.
00:47:12You know, I see myself in you.
00:47:14Not in a weird way.
00:47:15Just the regular way.
00:47:24Hey.
00:47:25Hey.
00:47:26What's up?
00:47:27Uh, what are you up to?
00:47:29What are you up to?
00:47:30I just finished my office hours.
00:47:32It's gonna go work out.
00:47:34Me too.
00:48:02Ah! Why'd you stop? Keep singing!
00:48:05Don't worry, I'm not gonna post it.
00:48:07I think.
00:48:08Oh, my God, Olivia's been talking full volume to her boyfriend until, like, 4 a.m.
00:48:12That's unhinged. Like, go somewhere else.
00:48:14I know, and this morning I'm on Zoom for biology,
00:48:16and my entire study group can hear her and her boyfriend having FaceTime sex.
00:48:202-5-1-1!
00:48:24Hello? Party's arrived.
00:48:25Alex!
00:48:26Sorry, thought I always wanted to say that. Hi.
00:48:27Hi.
00:48:28Hi.
00:48:29What are you doing here?
00:48:30That's Celeste inviting me.
00:48:31For the party.
00:48:31We thought it'd be a fun surprise.
00:48:33So you brought a fit for trailer trash, though, right?
00:48:35Wait, what?
00:48:36I didn't know that we were supposed to have a costume.
00:48:39Oh!
00:48:40Okay.
00:48:41Good morning, guys.
00:48:42Pretty good.
00:48:42So good.
00:48:43It's really good.
00:48:43Can you guess ours?
00:48:44Dougie.
00:48:47Hillbilly hoes?
00:48:48No.
00:48:48Alex, no.
00:48:49No, the Simple Life.
00:48:50Nicole in Paris.
00:48:51We don't have the wigs because they're, like, 30 bucks.
00:48:52Excuse me.
00:48:53J-Y would like to start drinking.
00:48:55Okay.
00:48:55The Jersey Shore.
00:48:56This one I know.
00:48:57I don't need pity.
00:48:59I need a paycheck.
00:49:02Have none of you seen Erin Brockovich?
00:49:16College is so cool.
00:49:18There's, like, so many assholes in high school, you know?
00:49:21Tell me their names.
00:49:21I'll fuck them up.
00:49:23Let's go, dance!
00:49:24Yeah?
00:49:24Okay.
00:49:24No problem.
00:49:31He's cute.
00:49:32You should dance with him.
00:49:33Dance with him.
00:49:34No.
00:49:34Yes.
00:49:35Oh, well, look at who it is.
00:49:37The Lion Sisters.
00:49:39Y'all never come to practice.
00:49:40I bet you thought I was never going to say something because you guys are gorgeous.
00:49:44Meanwhile, I'm just a bag of Funyuns with a runner's butt.
00:49:46So look at that.
00:49:46Guess what?
00:49:47Look at the time.
00:49:48It's getting the fuck out of my house o'clock.
00:49:49Whoa, George.
00:49:50George.
00:49:50It's okay.
00:49:50It's okay.
00:49:51Do it with me.
00:49:52Oh.
00:49:52Uh-huh.
00:49:53Sorry.
00:49:54Um, I'm going to do some mushrooms then.
00:49:56Hey, share those with your teammates.
00:49:59Hi.
00:50:00Hi.
00:50:01You look nice.
00:50:02What are you, like a trailer park lawyer?
00:50:04Oh, no, I just got back from the funeral.
00:50:06It wasn't a joke.
00:50:07I really, I just got back from the funeral.
00:50:08Oh, God.
00:50:09I'm sorry.
00:50:10It's okay.
00:50:10It's like my dad's friend.
00:50:12I didn't mean to tell you.
00:50:13I've been working on my Walton Kong project.
00:50:14Devin, I think you're going to crush it.
00:50:16When I did mine, I got so nervous, I just started talking crazy fast.
00:50:20And I finished my entire 10-minute presentation in, like, 45 seconds.
00:50:22Nice.
00:50:27Are you sure you don't want to change?
00:50:28It's okay.
00:50:29I don't really have a costume.
00:50:30Come on.
00:50:31I'm sure we can figure something out.
00:50:32Single, single, single, single.
00:50:33You know it's gonna be hard just to tell you.
00:50:34It's not easy to study if you can tell.
00:50:36It's not like great, it's so good.
00:50:38He may not have to go out.
00:50:39He may not have to go out.
00:50:39He may not have to go out.
00:50:40He may not have to go out.
00:50:40He may not have to go out.
00:50:42He may not have to go out.
00:50:48He may not have to go out.
00:50:50That's my favorite shirt.
00:50:51I didn't say I didn't like it, I just said it's very on the scene.
00:50:53Okay.
00:50:54Do you think any flip-flops?
00:50:56Okay.
00:50:57What is this?
00:50:58That's, um, that's not just mine.
00:51:01We all take turns wearing it at away tournaments.
00:51:03Well, it's in your closet, which means you wear it the most.
00:51:06Yeah.
00:51:09How do I look?
00:51:11Great, yeah, yeah.
00:51:13It fits perfectly.
00:51:14Yeah.
00:51:15Do you ever get hot in this thing?
00:51:16Oh, all the time?
00:51:17Yeah.
00:51:17Yeah, extremely.
00:51:18But, uh, I just dump baby powder in there.
00:51:20It keeps it fresh.
00:51:21Do you want me to help with the zipper?
00:51:22Yeah, yeah, sure.
00:51:24Yeah.
00:51:25Is that okay?
00:51:26Yeah.
00:51:27All right.
00:51:33What?
00:51:33Put the head on.
00:51:35Yes.
00:51:35Okay.
00:51:36There you go.
00:51:38Yes.
00:51:39Okay, there he is.
00:51:40I'm just careful because it's kind of hard to see him.
00:51:41Oh!
00:51:42I'm sorry!
00:51:43That's all right.
00:51:43Are you okay?
00:51:44No, I'm fine.
00:51:45Okay.
00:51:45I'm sorry about that.
00:51:47Wow, I didn't realize how cute I must look while I'm in Wally mode.
00:51:49Because you look adorable right now.
00:51:51I can't hear you.
00:52:07Kevin!
00:52:08You need to take Alex home.
00:52:09Yeah, he said he took something.
00:52:11What?
00:52:13What?
00:52:14Fuck!
00:52:15You okay?
00:52:16What's that, man?
00:52:16What's going on?
00:52:17What did you take?
00:52:19Um, Celeste gave me Molly.
00:52:21The hell?
00:52:23No, go ahead.
00:52:24I got him.
00:52:24Yeah.
00:52:25That's good.
00:52:26Yeah, get it out.
00:52:26Get it out of you.
00:52:28Oh, okay.
00:52:30All I get it's Joe Exotic.
00:52:33Hey, did you kill my brother Molly?
00:52:35Hey, what?
00:52:36He's puking right now.
00:52:37Why would you do that?
00:52:38You think I drugged your brother?
00:52:39Yeah, I do.
00:52:40That's actually so fucked up.
00:52:42He said the room was spinning, so I gave him Dramamine.
00:52:44I told him it was Molly, so he'd fucking take it.
00:52:45Celeste, I think Devon's just, like, really stressed.
00:52:46Stay out of it, Amber.
00:52:47Okay, Jesus.
00:52:49Fuck.
00:52:49Hey, baby, I'm still at the party.
00:52:51I don't know.
00:52:51I don't know.
00:52:5220 guys.
00:52:52Why are you mad at me?
00:52:54I hope you know I was down here babysitting your brother while you were doing, I don't
00:52:58know, whatever the fuck this is.
00:53:00That's the second time.
00:53:00Second time I've saved one of your family members.
00:53:02Maybe I deserve a fucking thank you.
00:53:06Thanks.
00:53:07Yeah, whatever.
00:53:13There wasn't anything fun-yin about that conversation.
00:53:18Okay, so does she give the brother Dramamine, or does she actually drug him?
00:53:22Hot sauce is in the bag.
00:53:23Thanks, sexy robot.
00:53:24Oh, I'm actually gay.
00:53:25Okay, okay, Dr. Schilling, so did Devon finally request a room change?
00:53:28She couldn't.
00:53:29She had two non-refundable tickets to Panama City.
00:53:31Five.
00:53:36Oh, my God.
00:53:44Oh, my God.
00:53:51Next up, we got Carter G. Carter G will be singing Driver's License.
00:53:55Wow.
00:53:55Hey, bring the mood down, Carter G. All right.
00:53:59I got my driver's license last week, just like we always talked about, because you were
00:54:05so excited.
00:54:07Levon!
00:54:09You guys, really feeling it?
00:54:11Yeah.
00:54:13I want to talk to you.
00:54:15Of course.
00:54:16Yeah.
00:54:20That night, your brother came to visit.
00:54:23He came out to me.
00:54:25What?
00:54:25It was actually really cute.
00:54:27So, he was telling me about this guy, Peter Kupowski, who he has a creature crush on?
00:54:31Wow, yeah, this is Peter's best friend.
00:54:33Yeah, that's what he said.
00:54:36Anyway, I just thought you should know.
00:54:39Thank you for telling me.
00:54:40I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.
00:54:47By the way, you still owe me two grand for the hotels and the flights?
00:54:53I owe your dad, which, obviously, I don't have it right this second.
00:54:57So, you know what?
00:54:58Yeah, thank you for making me feel so good about it.
00:55:01Are you mad at me?
00:55:02Nah, just talk about it later.
00:55:04I'm going to get us a drink.
00:55:05It is scary how sober I am right now.
00:55:07Well, you have enough money for drinks.
00:55:22There are like a hundred guys in the pool here.
00:55:24So, you seriously want me to ask them all to get out?
00:55:27What are you doing here?
00:55:28I thought you had job interviews this week.
00:55:29Well, I just said, fuck it.
00:55:31It's my last spring break.
00:55:33Oh, plus I couldn't resist a 14-hour car ride with the worst driver in the world.
00:55:37Oh, shut up, you drama queen.
00:55:38I only fell asleep twice.
00:55:40I can't let him behind the wheel.
00:55:41Sure.
00:55:42Are you staying here?
00:55:44I don't know.
00:55:44We'll see where the night takes from you.
00:55:45Next up to the stage, we have Devin coming.
00:55:49Devin, Devin.
00:55:51Oh, shit.
00:55:51Devin, you signed up?
00:55:53No, I don't think that's...
00:55:54Devin Weiss of Walton Youth.
00:55:55Devin Weiss.
00:55:56Looks like somebody signed you up.
00:55:58Devin Weiss.
00:55:58Hey, that person's right here.
00:56:00Come on.
00:56:01Come on.
00:56:01Come on.
00:56:03Come on.
00:56:03Come on.
00:56:06Come on.
00:56:10Give it up for Devin.
00:56:11Come on, Devin.
00:56:12I didn't take the sentence.
00:56:14I didn't do this.
00:56:14I might as well do it.
00:56:15No, I don't even know the song.
00:56:16See the lyrics right there.
00:56:17Everybody, give this girl some encouragement.
00:56:19Come on, man.
00:56:24Come on, Devin.
00:56:25I'm having my cage and I'm doing just fine.
00:56:27Thought I got to be dumb because I want it all.
00:56:29Started out as a kiss.
00:56:30How did it end up like this?
00:56:32It was only a kiss.
00:56:33It was only a kiss.
00:56:34Now I can fall asleep.
00:56:35There's no one in the cap.
00:56:37Molly's having the smoke and she's taking the drive.
00:56:39And we'll go to bed and my stomach is sick and it's on my head.
00:56:43But she's touching it.
00:56:44Yes, now he takes off her dress.
00:56:47Now let me go.
00:56:50Hey!
00:56:51Oh, give her a go!
00:56:51Give her a go!
00:56:52Isn't that the girl that kicked through the tape?
00:56:54Still fucking hurts.
00:56:56It's killing me and taking control.
00:57:03I got you!
00:57:04Jealousy, turning saints into the sea.
00:57:07Swimming through state lullaby.
00:57:10Choking on more alibis.
00:57:13But just the price I pay,
00:57:15Then the knee is calling me.
00:57:17Open up my eager eye.
00:57:21I missed the price I pay.
00:57:24Go get it!
00:57:26Go get it!
00:57:27Go get it!
00:57:28Go get it!
00:57:30Go get it!
00:57:31Go get it!
00:57:31Go get it!
00:57:31This is awesome!
00:57:35I never...
00:57:40I never...
00:57:41Yeah!
00:57:41I never...
00:57:46I never...
00:57:50I never...
00:57:50I never...
01:00:52I just hope it doesn't, like, change what you think of me.
01:00:56Are you kidding?
01:00:57No, I think it's great.
01:01:00By the way, you're back to being my best friend.
01:01:02Yeah, they all come crawling back.
01:01:04Yeah, they do.
01:01:06Love you.
01:01:07Love you.
01:01:07So what are you doing?
01:01:07I'm going to be right back.
01:01:09I'm going to be right back.
01:01:09So what are we going to do about Celeste?
01:01:11Oh, well, you think because I'm a gay guy and all gay guys are just vengeful bitches that I'm going
01:01:15to know what to do?
01:01:17Well, you're right.
01:01:26If you tear me and I'm going to be right back.
01:01:29If you tear me and I'm going to be right back.
01:01:30If you tear me and my horse down, aren't you showing me the same intolerance I am being accused of?
01:01:36Nay, don't drag me into this.
01:01:39Hey, confederate statue, we don't need you on our campus.
01:01:43You're so fucking done.
01:01:49Jesus fucking Christ.
01:01:57Very nice.
01:01:58Very nice dramatic over-the-top work.
01:01:59I will say, for what it's worth, that statue is not of a confederate.
01:02:03He was this school's first lacrosse coach.
01:02:05And he just, he had a horse.
01:02:08Anyway, it is my honor.
01:02:09Good luck, Devin.
01:02:11Try not to talk too fast.
01:02:12I'm good.
01:02:14Hands together for Devin Woods.
01:02:22That's so good.
01:02:23So good.
01:02:24Thank you, Professor Zeman.
01:02:26This competition is all about helping students solve problems in their daily lives.
01:02:29When I think about the hardest problem first-year students face, it isn't dealing with a demanding
01:02:32course load or balancing our work and social lives.
01:02:35It's trying to coexist with your shitty-ass roommate.
01:02:39But I think structural design can help with that.
01:02:43Now, a standard double dorm is 170 square feet.
01:02:46Not too big.
01:02:47And it can feel even smaller when you're sharing the room with a total sociopath.
01:02:52This is my roommate, Celeste.
01:02:54Should I have not used her real name?
01:02:56I'm sorry.
01:02:56I'm off my meds, so I'm just not thinking straight.
01:03:00And this doll is me.
01:03:02If this doll seems traumatized, it's because I am.
01:03:07Now, Walton's dorms feature side-by-side closets, which aren't very private.
01:03:11Ooh, look at all these clothes that don't belong to me.
01:03:14Ooh, I can't wait to wear them without asking.
01:03:16Shout out to my brother Alex in the tech booth providing the voice of Celeste.
01:03:21So, by raising the closet, it becomes a little harder for this sticky-finger klepto to reach.
01:03:26Ooh, ooh, I can't reach.
01:03:27I just want to wear your bras and underwear.
01:03:31Next up, let's look at the typical layout of the beds.
01:03:34Who here has come home to find your roommate eating food in your bed?
01:03:38Yeah.
01:03:39One time, I came home, and I found my roommate getting eaten out on my bed.
01:03:49Wait, you hooked up in her bed?
01:03:50Anyways, by installing Murphy beds, we increase deliverable space, and it becomes a lot harder
01:03:55for Celeste to run-train on a short king while I'm writing her papers.
01:03:59Oh, man, can you taste the kombucha?
01:04:04Why is that Celeste doll literally me?
01:04:06So far, this design only benefits me.
01:04:08So, I ask myself, what does Celeste mean?
01:04:12It's hard, because she had humble beginnings growing up in this house.
01:04:19What the fuck?
01:04:21So, here it is.
01:04:22This is a soundproof partition wall.
01:04:25So, now I don't have to hear any more lies about Celeste's dad being a janitor
01:04:28when he's actually the CEO of Staples.
01:04:31Oh, my God, dude.
01:04:34Staples? The restaurant?
01:04:35You're telling me she's a fucking Nepo, baby?
01:04:38Yeah.
01:04:39Oh, and one more thing.
01:04:40Just for Celeste's side.
01:04:42Twinkly lights with Polaroids.
01:04:44Oh, my God.
01:04:46Oh, she must have caught it from me.
01:04:47Thank you for listening. Go architecture.
01:04:58By the way, maybe T.A. shouldn't use a class contact sheet as a dating service.
01:05:10Devin!
01:05:10That was insane.
01:05:11But, like, in a good way, of course.
01:05:13Thanks.
01:05:13And where did you get that tiny furniture?
01:05:15I made it with my brother.
01:05:17Oh, are you going to be okay in there?
01:05:19Yeah.
01:05:20I'll see you guys later.
01:05:21Oh, drain me.
01:05:24Clothes that you gave me to fit me.
01:05:28But you squeezed me until I took crap.
01:05:33You made it with my soul.
01:05:38You turned my soul into your heart.
01:06:17Dude, I called you like 15 times.
01:06:19What's going on?
01:06:24I'm confused. Did you do that?
01:06:26No, dude. Can you just come home, please?
01:06:29I have my final this afternoon, but I'll pack up and go home right after. I'm so sorry, Alex.
01:06:34I wasn't there yet.
01:06:38Stress and strain. Stress is internal force.
01:06:41I don't understand. She never even tried to talk to me.
01:06:46Instead, she made this presentation about what a shitty roommate I am to the entire school.
01:06:51It was so humiliating.
01:06:52Yeah, I can understand how that could be challenging, but you have-
01:06:55All because she had a crush on a guy who liked me.
01:06:58Like, it's not my fault.
01:07:00Oh. Oh, come here. Come here.
01:07:03What the hell?
01:07:05Devin, hey. Um, this is a temporary solution to resolve-
01:07:08Are you staying here?
01:07:09It's okay. I got this.
01:07:14What's up, Devin?
01:07:15Did you go to my brother's school this morning?
01:07:16I'm sorry. What are you trying to accuse me of now?
01:07:21Show me your bag.
01:07:39Did you actually take my mom's bowls?
01:07:41Oh, my God.
01:07:42Devin, why are you obsessed with these ugly-ass bowls?
01:07:44Your mom is not good.
01:07:45Oh, whoa, whoa.
01:07:46Hey, ladies, let's take a deep breath, okay?
01:07:47Let's-
01:07:48Hey, stop coming for my family.
01:07:49You need help. Maybe tell your rich dad to get you a new therapist.
01:07:52No, no. De-escalate. Let's go.
01:07:55You!
01:07:57Soap!
01:07:59Toil!
01:08:00You live in a $20 million house!
01:08:02I saw the Zillow. It has an elevator.
01:08:03Okay, good job.
01:08:04All right, you're all making great points,
01:08:06but the bowl throwing is fucking dangerous,
01:08:07and I think I got some shrug on my eye.
01:08:09I can't believe we used to be friends.
01:08:11Friends? You made out with the guy I liked.
01:08:15You think we just made out?
01:08:17No. No, um, I fucked him.
01:08:19Yeah, no, I-I fucked him on spring break.
01:08:22I fucked him on winter break.
01:08:24When you showed up in his little office
01:08:25to ask him to hang out with you,
01:08:26yeah, I was under the desk.
01:08:28Because we had just fucked.
01:08:31So, you're disgusting.
01:08:33Oh, hey, let's not-
01:08:34So let's shame anyone.
01:08:35He didn't like you. Just get over it.
01:08:37You give off kid sister vibes.
01:08:43Hey! Oh, you don't have a license to operate that!
01:08:45No, no, no, no!
01:08:47Everybody chill.
01:08:51My posters!
01:08:53You're the firefighter, right?
01:08:54You put it out.
01:08:54Uh, lack of my feelings, hey!
01:08:56God damn it!
01:08:57Put the shit out!
01:09:04We have to get out of here!
01:09:08Fire, guys! Come on!
01:09:09No, no, no!
01:09:10Fucking fire!
01:09:11Oh, God!
01:09:13This is mine!
01:09:14So?
01:09:16Hey, damn it!
01:09:17Damn it, let's talk!
01:09:18Hey!
01:09:19You wanna talk?
01:09:19Let's talk!
01:09:20Why are you lying about being poor?
01:09:22Because when you're rich,
01:09:22people think your life is good.
01:09:24In my life, my life is not good.
01:09:26My mom has Alzheimer's,
01:09:27and my dad's a poor-stirming married girl
01:09:28that's two years older than me.
01:09:29And you have been rubbing
01:09:31your perfect fucking family
01:09:33in my face all year!
01:09:35You could have told me that,
01:09:36and I would have been there for you,
01:09:37because that's what friends do,
01:09:39you fucking psychopath!
01:09:41You guys, stop it!
01:09:42We need to evacuate!
01:09:43Shut the fuck up, Olivia!
01:09:45What did I do?
01:09:46You don't know how to eat the room!
01:09:47Okay, well, there's the fire!
01:09:48Oh, yeah!
01:09:49You got me, you two little stuff,
01:09:50you know, ready to go!
01:09:51Stop!
01:09:52Give it to me!
01:09:54Oh, my God!
01:09:58Give it to me!
01:09:58Give it to me!
01:09:58Give it to me!
01:09:58Give it to me!
01:09:59Give it to me!
01:10:01And I'm sorry to say,
01:10:02but that is how Devin killed Celeste.
01:10:05Whoa!
01:10:06I'm kidding,
01:10:06but Devin did burn the dorm down.
01:10:17Whoa, whoa!
01:10:18Who is this guy?
01:10:19Why is he touching you?
01:10:20He's a fire!
01:10:20Okay, I'm begging you guys to break up,
01:10:22like, right now.
01:10:23Break up right now.
01:10:23She outed my son very publicly in his high school.
01:10:26We always knew what he was probably gay,
01:10:27but it wasn't her place to do that.
01:10:29Also, she owes me $2,000.
01:10:31We're just not a foreign right now.
01:10:32We owe you $2,000.
01:10:33Oh, we like that.
01:10:34No, nice.
01:10:35It's not my skin.
01:10:37Did you?
01:10:38You didn't?
01:10:38You don't answer any questions.
01:10:39But she didn't do anything.
01:10:40Come on, come on.
01:10:41I don't resist.
01:10:43I'd like to be here.
01:10:47I'll see you.
01:10:54It's like USC all over again.
01:10:55Sir, you can't park this.
01:10:56I'm good.
01:10:57I'm good.
01:10:57It's so nasty.
01:10:59I'm sorry we're late, baby.
01:11:00It took forever to get the lawyers on the line.
01:11:01We're so glad you're okay.
01:11:03Thanks, Katie.
01:11:05John, he's still hungry.
01:11:06Can I go feed him in the car?
01:11:08Yeah, go do your thing.
01:11:09Did you tell mom?
01:11:11Uh, no.
01:11:13Why?
01:11:16What school would you like to go to next?
01:11:18This one burned down.
01:11:19I don't need to go to another school.
01:11:21I need fucking rehab.
01:11:22I have PTSD.
01:11:24You got a fucking venereal disease?
01:11:27Whoa.
01:11:28Yeah.
01:11:29That was really intense.
01:11:30And that, my friends, is the power of good storytelling.
01:11:34Now, everybody get the hell out of here.
01:11:37That's it?
01:11:39That's it?
01:11:41Okay.
01:11:44Hey.
01:11:45I'm sorry for saying you smell like an Italian soap.
01:11:48I'm sorry for filming you sleeping.
01:11:51Thanks.
01:11:52I miss us liking each other.
01:11:53Yeah.
01:11:56Bye, Melissa.
01:11:58So cute.
01:12:00Thank you, Dr. Schilling.
01:12:03This was great.
01:12:04Very healing.
01:12:05So glad it helped.
01:12:06Um, whatever happened to Celeste?
01:12:10Well, Celeste ended up getting kicked out of two more schools.
01:12:13So her dad finally cut her off financially.
01:12:15And now...
01:12:18That's hilarious.
01:12:21Oh, my God.
01:12:22That's you?
01:12:23You work at Staples?
01:12:25Now, that's hilarious!
01:12:28Oh, man!
01:12:29You work at Staples!
01:12:31You work at Staples!
01:12:33You work at...
01:12:33Shut the fuck up!
01:12:35Karma's a bitch.
01:12:36I just wish the end of that story wasn't such a bummer for Devin.
01:12:39Oh, my God.
01:12:39I know.
01:12:40It fucking sucks.
01:12:41What happened to her, anyway?
01:12:44She's got a new roommate.
01:12:57Okay, boys.
01:12:58This is you.
01:13:02Enjoy your home for the next two months.
01:13:06Mmm, nice.
01:13:08Fresh meat.
01:13:10What's your name?
01:13:12Chuck.
01:13:13Because I grind motherfuckers like you into prime-grade beef.
01:13:17Yeah, okay.
01:13:19Let me go over a few things with you.
01:13:21One, don't touch my stuff.
01:13:24Two, don't wear my clothes.
01:13:27Three, don't have sex in my bed.
01:13:29You follow these three rules.
01:13:31I won't light you on fire when you're sleeping.
01:13:35I was just kidding.
01:13:37Dang!
01:13:38It's all good, baby.
01:13:39Relax.
01:13:40So, I'm Louise.
01:13:42Welcome to the pen.
01:13:43Okay?
01:13:44I have a little cooler over here.
01:13:45I got refreshments in there.
01:13:46Would you like some LaCroix?
01:13:48No, no.
01:13:48I'm good.
01:13:49Okay, of course, of course.
01:13:50You got a family?
01:13:51I have a brother.
01:13:52He actually just came out.
01:13:54Of prison?
01:13:55Out of the closet.
01:13:57Well, damn, that must be like a very huge weight off his shoulders.
01:14:00Yeah, I think it is.
01:14:02Okay.
01:14:02Where y'all from?
01:14:03Montclair, New Jersey.
01:14:04Montclair?
01:14:05Girl, I'm about four, George.
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