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Taskmaster - S19E02 - An Invisible Jump Rope [Full Movie] [Full Series]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:02This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello! Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:36I'm Greg Davison. I suit things.
00:39I suit this throne. I suit this suit.
00:41I suit the title of Taskmaster and I suit the power it affords me.
00:46What can I say? I suit things.
00:48I suit boots. I suit fruits. I suit flutes.
00:51And once I was in cahoots with some mute-newts
00:53about a car boot in beaut.
00:56Proof, if it was needed, that the writing of these introductions
01:00is becoming increasingly challenging.
01:02LAUGHTER
01:02No matter, let's take the focus off me
01:05and train the glaring, judgmental super trooper
01:08into the frightened eyes of some human bunnies.
01:11Please welcome...
01:13Fattier El Ghori!
01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16Jason Mandzukas!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19Mattie Baker!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22Rosie Ramsey!
01:23And Stevie Martin!
01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, a man whose hobbies include bird-spotting,
01:33writing songs and his absolute favourite,
01:36having extra-marital affairs.
01:38LAUGHTER
01:39Hey, little Eliton!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:45Hey, everyone.
01:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:47Let's get on with the prize tax.
01:49And the category this week is...
01:52The snootiest thing.
01:54Ooh!
01:55There will be five points for the snootiest,
01:58one point for the least snooty,
01:59and the episode winner will go home with some really juicy snooty booty.
02:02Greg, honey, take it away.
02:04LAUGHTER
02:04Stevie, have you got some snooty booty?
02:06Yes.
02:07There are, like, canvases you can get made of your pet.
02:11Erm...
02:12And, er...
02:12I got one made of my pet.
02:15Here is a picture of Stevie's pet.
02:17It's on my wall in my kitchen.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:21There she is!
02:25And I don't think they've done a tortoise before,
02:28so, like, the neck is very bent at a weird angle.
02:31Where is it there?
02:32And where's the shell?
02:32How did they get her in the uniform?
02:35LAUGHTER
02:36They're so...
02:37Americans are so naive, aren't they?
02:40LAUGHTER
02:41And is that her actual rank?
02:44LAUGHTER
02:46OK, cool.
02:49OK.
02:49Fatty, you all right?
02:50Yeah, I'm all right. How are you?
02:51Pretty good.
02:52What have you brought in?
02:54My snooty prize is...
02:56..Swiss chocolate.
02:57Here is the bar of Swiss chocolate she's put up.
02:59The snootiest of all the chocolates.
03:01Yeah.
03:01Ooh!
03:03Yeah, exactly.
03:04See how snooty look at that?
03:05Yeah.
03:06But if you look at the chocolate adverts,
03:08the Swiss ones are so extra,
03:10they've got a little chef and a little hat,
03:12and he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15The old French Swiss chef.
03:19And he's all doing that, and they're like,
03:21and there's all this music,
03:23and they live in...
03:24They've got a nice kitchen.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:26Yeah, they do.
03:27They do.
03:28It's ridiculous.
03:29So you bought a bar of chocolate in, yeah?
03:31Yeah.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:32Jason, what's snooty in America?
03:34Here's the thing.
03:35This was actually very hard for me,
03:37because in America, snootiness is not a really thing,
03:40so I kind of was at a bit of a loss
03:43to come up with a snooty thing,
03:44but I had a good idea.
03:46I asked my butler what he thought.
03:49Geoffreys, get out of here.
03:51Oh, nice.
03:52APPLAUSE
03:53Let's go, let's go.
03:57As my butler, Mr Geoffreys,
03:59asked him what was snooty,
04:00cos he's British,
04:01and he had a great idea.
04:02Show him what you got under there.
04:02Open it up, come on.
04:04Yes.
04:05Butler for a day.
04:06So, if you win this prize,
04:08he'll come and he'll buttle for you for the whole day.
04:11Wow.
04:11That is one snooty prize.
04:14Right?
04:14Well, a round of applause for Mr Geoffreys.
04:16Well done, Mr Geoffreys.
04:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:20I have brought in the Oppidon's cap
04:24from the wall game at Eton College.
04:27Here it is.
04:29Oh, my God, that's so snooty,
04:30I don't even understand it.
04:32The wall game is only played one day of the year,
04:37St Andrew's Day,
04:38and it's only played at Eton College,
04:41the snootiest of all the schools.
04:43Did you go there?
04:44No.
04:45How did you get a cap?
04:46It, I acquired it from a friend.
04:49Is your friend Tom Hiddleston,
04:51Hugh Fernley Whitting Stool,
04:53Bear Grylls,
04:53or Alan Shearer?
04:54All alumni.
04:56And it must be one of those.
04:57Hang on, Alan Shearer?
04:58Alan Shearer?
04:59I didn't believe in either when I wrote it.
05:00Wow.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:05LAUGHTER
05:09Can you give us a vague idea of the rules?
05:11As far as I can tell, it's a rugby scrum up against the wall.
05:15And where does the snooty hat come in?
05:17That's the hat that the Oppidons team wear.
05:20The Oppidons?
05:21Yes.
05:22It's so snooty.
05:24So snooty.
05:24It's beyond language, isn't it?
05:26Very posh.
05:27Rosie?
05:27My snootiest thing is a red wine decanter.
05:31I believe that you've started to drop your north-east accent to introduce this.
05:35Sorry, what?
05:36LAUGHTER
05:36I don't know what you're talking about.
05:38Val and Shearer went to Ethan, then so did I.
05:41I brought a red wine decanter.
05:43OK, here it is.
05:44Because not many people have these.
05:45I go to friends' houses and they just pour me red wine out of a bottle.
05:50LAUGHTER
05:50And I think, you haven't got a decanter.
05:54LAUGHTER
05:54Have you got a decanter?
05:56I've got three.
05:59OK, well, that is everyone great.
06:00It's really tricky, actually, because one of them I don't understand.
06:04Still.
06:05I remember the Swiss chefs are making their chocolates in kitchens.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:13I'm trying to work out who I'm going to give one point to.
06:15Not me.
06:16It's going to be the chocolate or the decanter,
06:18but I just can't work out which is the least snooty.
06:21You can buy Swiss chocolate in any shop.
06:23You can, like in a supermarket.
06:24Yeah, no, but you can make a decanter.
06:26All I have to do is get a plastic bottle and chop the top.
06:29That's a decanter.
06:31LAUGHTER
06:32I won't have it!
06:34I won't have it!
06:36Swiss chocolate is made in Switzerland.
06:38Switzerland!
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40And that, my friend, is the final nail in the coffin.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:45One point to the chocolate.
06:47One point to the chocolate?
06:48Yeah.
06:50Rosie's decanter, two points.
06:51OK.
06:52We'll have the hired butler with three points.
06:54OK.
06:55I love the snooty tortoise.
06:57Right.
06:57And Matthew's thing is so snooty I still don't know what it is.
07:01It's got to be the snootiest thing.
07:02So, five points to Matthew.
07:03There you go.
07:04Well done.
07:05APPLAUSE
07:08Half time!
07:09Oh, yes, it is.
07:11And just like Dr Dre, we're going down to the lab to lay down some cool tracks
07:15and generally have a really nice time while we're there.
07:18MUSIC
07:28Hi.
07:29Hi.
07:31Hello.
07:32Hi, Jason.
07:34What's up?
07:35Welcome to the booth.
07:37This is good.
07:38This makes me feel a bit at home.
07:40Commentate on yourself achieving something really tricky.
07:44Then achieve that really tricky thing.
07:47Most iconic really tricky thing achieved wins.
07:51You have five minutes to record your commentary.
07:54Then 15 minutes to achieve that really tricky thing.
07:59RTT is what I'm going to abbreviate it for it from now on.
08:02Your time starts now.
08:04You're going to commentate on yourself as if you're watching yourself on that telly.
08:08Right.
08:08But you're commentating on your future self.
08:10Ooh.
08:11So whatever you describe, you've then got to do.
08:13I've got to do.
08:14But it's got to be really tricky and iconic.
08:16What tricky things can you do?
08:17I'm thinking about escapology, but I mean...
08:22I can't actually do that.
08:26LAUGHTER
08:27Can you do anything tricky?
08:29I was going to just lie down.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:33APPLAUSE
08:36So, RTT, I enjoyed that abbreviation.
08:38I like an abbreviation, do you?
08:39You do. You do.
08:40You do.
08:41LAUGHTER
08:42He does.
08:43Let's see some tricky stuff.
08:44So, they had to commentate on themselves doing a really tricky thing
08:47before they did the really tricky thing.
08:49Stevie and Rosie are up first, i.e.
08:52are the last two letters of their names.
08:54And remember, they chose to do these things.
08:58OK, the moment we've all been waiting for.
09:00Here she is, Mrs. Rosemary Ramsay.
09:03We've been waiting for this all year.
09:05She's making her way into the dome.
09:07Now, you may not know this at home, but Rosie has a very, very special way
09:10of getting ready for the competition.
09:13If you've seen her before, you'll know.
09:14There she is.
09:15What she likes to do...
09:16Well, you're gonna see it in a minute.
09:17She likes to have a little sniff of the air.
09:19Yeah.
09:19Good old scratch of the genitals.
09:21Yeah.
09:22From and back.
09:23Oh, that's a new one.
09:24That's a new one.
09:24She's never done the back before.
09:25All right, she is ready for this competition.
09:27OK, OK.
09:28And it's coming.
09:29Yes, there it is.
09:30There it is.
09:31Every time.
09:31This is what she does.
09:32Projectile vomiting.
09:34Here she is.
09:35Martin.
09:36Stepping up to the plate.
09:38Is she behind the line?
09:39Yes.
09:40Quick check.
09:41She's behind the line.
09:43She bends.
09:44She has a few bends.
09:46I think that's too many bends.
09:48Ah, sick from Martin there.
09:50Alex looking pretty frightened.
09:53Here we go.
09:54She's ready for the question.
09:57The adjudicator is ready.
09:59All right.
10:00There we go.
10:00Nine times nine.
10:02Come on, Rosie.
10:03You can do this.
10:04She's getting her fingers out.
10:05Sadly, Rosie didn't do very well at school.
10:07So she's gonna use the tactic that she was taught in year five maths.
10:12This is it.
10:12This is it.
10:13Come on.
10:13Come on.
10:14Come on.
10:14We're ready.
10:15Come on.
10:15What is it?
10:15What is it?
10:16You know this.
10:1881.
10:2081.
10:21She's done it.
10:22She's done it.
10:2581.
10:26Oh, she's vomiting.
10:27It's not.
10:28Yeah.
10:28It's okay.
10:29She's gonna have nothing left.
10:30Well done, Rosie.
10:31Brilliant.
10:31Brilliant.
10:33She's flexing.
10:34She's flexing her arms.
10:36And you can see her flexing her arms.
10:37She's going.
10:38And she's off.
10:39She's off.
10:39She's over.
10:40And she's headed right into the top corner.
10:43Let's see that again.
10:44I'm presuming there's a free play.
10:48Yes!
10:57Yes!
10:58Yes!
10:58Oh, wow.
10:59Look at her go.
11:01Quite an intense celebration there from Martin.
11:04Ah!
11:05She's doing a forward roll.
11:07Oh, her and Alex high-fiving.
11:08Yes!
11:10I'd love to see it.
11:12Yes!
11:12Yes!
11:13Yes!
11:18What is this sport?
11:21So, I've never done a leapfrog before.
11:24So, I wanted to do that.
11:26I've also never scored a goal.
11:27So, I thought I could do both simultaneously.
11:29And crucially, while I was in the air,
11:31I thought that would be quite tricky.
11:32I mean, you landed perfectly on his back.
11:35Yes!
11:36Scrambled his head around.
11:37But it was genuinely impressive.
11:39Now, Rosie.
11:40Yes.
11:40As far as I can work out, the sport is...
11:43tricky numbers.
11:44Yes.
11:45Well, that's the way you might describe it.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:49I mean, literally, what I saw was a woman touch her privates...
11:52LAUGHTER
11:53..and then round her back.
11:54Yeah.
11:55You vomited.
11:56Yes.
11:56You did a rudimentary maths sum.
11:58Yeah.
11:59You vomited again.
12:01LAUGHTER
12:01Tricky numbers.
12:02All right.
12:03Classic RTT.
12:04Tricky...
12:05Do you know the trick of the nine times tables?
12:07On your hands?
12:08I mean, I think probably everyone in the room can do this.
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Let's see how fast you are.
12:12Seven nines?
12:1463.
12:15LAUGHTER
12:16Must be another one.
12:16But I'm not impressed, really.
12:19You can't go over nine for this system.
12:22So I can't say 11 nines?
12:24Oh, no.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:27OK, time for a break.
12:29Here we are, Alex.
12:30That's it.
12:31Good boy.
12:32LAUGHTER
12:46Welcome back, everybody.
12:48Yes, and it really is high from me too.
12:51Before the break, the task found our athletes having to commentate on themselves, achieving something really tricky before achieving that
12:57really tricky thing.
12:58Now for the attempts of Fatia L. Gauri and Matthew L. Bainton.
13:02LAUGHTER
13:03I can record two commentaries so that I've got a backup.
13:08Today we get to see the magnificent athlete, Fatia L. Gauri, fly a plane through the Taskmaster dome.
13:15And here comes Bainton with the iconic 19 vest.
13:21Let me warm up.
13:22Ready to take on the really tricky thing of keepy-uppies with a tennis ball.
13:30He's got, funnily enough, 19 to beat to take home the goal.
13:36And in her hand we see A4 white paper.
13:40So this looks very tricky because she's got really little fingers.
13:44We're very worried that she might get a paper cut, but she's been working with Andy Murray's coach.
13:49And at this point it's almost certain that he's done ten keepy-uppies!
13:56Nine that time.
13:58No!
13:5920 keepy-uppies!
14:0230 keepy-uppies!
14:06Iconic.
14:07And here we go, any minute now.
14:09Here we go, here we go, here we go.
14:10Oh, and there it is!
14:12Well done, Bainton.
14:13She is the best.
14:19Can we go closer?
14:20Good idea.
14:21This is your 50th attempt.
14:22People will say, don't pick something you can't do.
14:25But this has to be really tricky.
14:27And I think I've proved that.
14:29Where are the grapes?
14:30She's rocking a little bit and she's going to throw it any second now.
14:34And it's gone in through the dome.
14:37I mean, I didn't doubt her, but I was a little bit sceptical.
14:41Magnificent athlete.
14:42And here comes Bainton to try and attempt the record for the highest thrown and caught-in-the-mouth grape.
14:53Oh, that first attempt didn't play out.
14:57And there's no rules about how many attempts you're allowed, so that's fine.
15:02Oh, he's really slung that one.
15:04Oh, he's caught it!
15:07Unbelievable scenes!
15:11That's a really tricky thing!
15:15Iconic!
15:20With a whistle of hindsight, knowing how good you are at keeping uppies, was 19 the right goal to set
15:26yourself?
15:26I thought with a football wouldn't be that impressive, it wouldn't look like an RTT.
15:31So I went...
15:33I went tennis ball and I overestimated my ability.
15:37But...
15:38The great thing...
15:40Different story.
15:41But...
15:42Was it an RTT? He did it on his second go.
15:44But it was as high as the...
15:45But it was high.
15:46Yes. Iconic is what we're looking for.
15:48I think it's strong.
15:49OK.
15:50I thought yours was good as well.
15:51Don't play me.
15:52I'm not playing.
15:54Lovely attention to detail.
15:56Andy Murray's coach.
15:57He's jumped over from tennis, why not?
16:01How did you feel about the first attempt?
16:04Awful.
16:05Crushing.
16:05But the second?
16:06I mean, I was surprised by how excited I was.
16:09You want to see someone else?
16:11Yeah.
16:11It's time for the handsome stranger from overseas.
16:14Yes, it's Jason Manzoukas.
16:16Ooh.
16:16And here we are back again at Taskmaster Sports.
16:20Up next, Jason Manzoukas.
16:22He's exiting the Taskmaster house with undue confidence.
16:26But can he achieve an iconic tricky thing?
16:30We don't know.
16:30Alex Horne is following him behind, wondering what exactly is Jason Manzoukas up to?
16:35And oh!
16:36Oh!
16:37He's getting on top of the hunch.
16:39Manzoukas is.
16:40He's got a ladder.
16:41He's got a ladder and he's trying to get it onto the roof.
16:44I've said it, so it is happening.
16:47He's starting to scale the roof.
16:48Alex Horne is freaking out.
16:51Never before in Taskmaster history has anybody gotten onto the roof, but American comedian
16:56Jason Manzoukas is going to be the first person in history.
16:59Oh!
16:59Alex Horne is on the phone.
17:00Alex is shutting it down.
17:02Alex is shutting down the most iconic, really tricky thing that's ever been attempted.
17:07Jason Manzoukas is now being pulled off of the roof by a bunch of people dressed just
17:12like him?
17:14Is this what he makes them do?
17:17Huh?
17:17I'm being told that Jason Manzoukas makes everyone in the crew dress exactly like him
17:21when he's shooting so that everybody knows what it feels like to be great.
17:25His words, not mine.
17:28Well, they've got him down, he's safe, but the really tricky thing has not been achieved.
17:33Another failure for Jason Manzoukas.
17:36What a piece of shit.
17:44Nailed it.
17:46Sure, full-throated commentary.
17:48Oh, yeah.
17:49Lot of excitement from you.
22:29He just looked at me in the middle of the night.
22:33He said he was going to get out of bed.
22:36The only thing he said was he smelled like 15 hours later.
30:18Since 2013, our processes are in peace.
30:19I don't know.
30:24I don't know.
30:31I don't know.
30:41I don't know.
30:42I don't know.
30:42I don't know.
30:46I don't know.
30:47I don't know.
30:49I don't know.
30:52I don't know.
30:55I don't know.
30:56I don't know.
30:59I don't know.
31:02I don't know.
31:06I don't know.
31:10I don't know.
31:21I don't know.
31:24I don't know.
31:26I don't know.
31:34I don't know.
31:38I don't know.
31:42I don't know.
31:52I don't know.
31:55I don't know.
31:56I don't know.
31:58I don't know.
32:00I don't know.
32:02I don't know.
32:03I don't know.
32:05I don't know.
32:21I don't know.
32:21I don't know.
32:23That was a good day.
32:28In the day, we were so excited.
32:30But no, I think we were well.
32:33Why won't we feel that, and I think we're too much?
32:36Because you said to me, it would be something that I could do.
32:40That's what I feel like.
32:41It's a good day, so I feel like it.
32:43I have perfect days with fatigue.
32:44But I don't know.
32:44It's a good day!
32:46It's a good day.
37:40I'll see you here.
37:42I'll see you here.
37:43I'll see you here.
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