The Miniature Wife S01E06 (2026)

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Transcript

00:22If I was mom, what would my password be?

00:36Darling Daughter by Lindy McMichael Littlejohn, what if I told you I spent nine months building

00:42a jail, only to sentence myself to a lifetime in prison?

00:46That I've discovered is what motherhood actually is.

00:51From her adorable baby's face, those demonic eyes stare out, laughing at me.

00:56Yes, she's saying, I've ruined your fucking day again.

01:01Mommy, she cries, her voice a razor blade to my ears.

01:04I want her to call out for me, I want to be there for her, I want my maternal instinct

01:08to kick it.

01:09Why won't I?

01:10I dream of a life without a daughter sucking up the teat of inspiration, preventing me from

01:15being fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

01:20Fuck.

01:22Mom hates me.

01:35But I thought I'd ask you just to say, what are you doing New Year?

01:44I got your invitation.

01:47A New Year's Eve brunch for me?

01:50I mean, I'm honored, but what, what, what profit is?

01:55A new perspective.

01:57Oh.

01:58I'm embracing my six-inch self, and I realized I've been kind of a jerk.

02:05Hey, a jerk is strong, given the circumstances.

02:08See, you've been nothing but kind, Richard, and I wanted you to know I am grateful for

02:16you and your company.

02:18The course of true love never did rinse, no Shakespeare.

02:21No.

02:23New Year.

02:24New me.

02:25I'm sorry.

02:26Mama, he says, it's never too late to begin again.

02:30Oh, your mom.

02:31So wise.

02:33Right?

02:33It's a new beginning.

02:34You know what else my mom will say?

02:36Should we eat?

02:36It's just gonna get cold, I think.

02:38Okay.

02:39Okay.

03:02A tremendous success.

03:03Subjects expanded to regular size and stabilized for 2 minutes and 3.3 seconds.

03:08An increase of 1 minute and 32.7 seconds.

03:12Yes!

03:12Science progress!

03:14Yeah!

03:15Oh.

03:16Well done.

03:17Great job.

03:18Great job.

03:19Well done.

03:19Yeah, slowing the reaction down.

03:21Way, way down.

03:21Help.

03:22Yes.

03:22The nuclei need time.

03:23Yeah.

03:24Which is acceptable.

03:25Yes.

03:25To form stronger bonds.

03:27Yes.

03:27It's fundamental to, yes, for those fragile to cement those connections.

03:32Or alliances.

03:33Yes.

03:34Yes.

03:35Yes.

03:35Yeah.

03:35Are we talking about science?

03:37Yes, Hilton.

03:39We're always talking about science.

03:40This is a lab of science.

03:42Okay.

03:42Well, I heard a bang and then there was like a chill of release, so my mind went there.

03:45Where's my head?

03:46Is there good news?

03:47It was a big win.

03:48Yes.

03:48Slowing the expansion of the corn mitigated the molecular disequilibrium.

03:53Yes.

03:54Translation, it's remarkable progress.

03:56Fuck yeah.

03:57We should celebrate.

03:58I'm having a New Year's Eve shing dig tonight at my place.

04:01It's going to be amazing food, crazy guest lists, and you are all invited.

04:05Wait.

04:05It's New Year's Eve?

04:06I can't go.

04:08It's my anniversary.

04:09Oh, just bring Lindy.

04:11It would be great to see her again.

04:12Well, well, I only organize fantastic parties.

04:18You gotta come.

04:20Done.

04:20Set.

04:20Happy.

04:21See you all there.

04:24Woo!

04:26Translation, see you all there means less only.

04:29And you can't say no.

04:35Do you think you'll bring Lindy?

04:36Um, I don't know.

04:38I mean, it's, uh, I don't know.

04:42Hey, I've done a lot of thinking, and I'm embracing my six-inch self, so new year, new

04:48me.

04:49I forgive you for shrinking me on purpose.

04:51Meet me in the dollhouse.

04:53I have an anniversary surprise for you.

05:00Oh, the missus.

05:02She left.

05:03Was she mad?

05:05She had two glasses of wine and left.

05:07Oh, she was mad.

05:08Maybe disappointed.

05:10That's worse, isn't it?

05:13Happy New Year!

05:15Charlie, what's happening?

05:21He shouldn't be alone right now.

05:23Let him go.

05:24Wait.

05:25Let him be.

05:26Hi.

05:31Hey, Lindy.

05:32Hey, Les.

05:35Happy anniversary.

05:38It's okay.

05:39Lay into me.

05:40I deserve it.

05:41You do.

05:45But I understand.

05:49You do?

05:49You're caught up in your work.

05:51And when you're in it, you can lose track of birthdays, holidays.

05:56I know I do.

05:57Did.

05:59You supported me in the way I needed it.

06:02So...

06:04I'm supporting you.

06:08Okay.

06:09So I was mad.

06:13I mean, I was alone in a restaurant on New Year's Eve.

06:19But then I came home and I got cozy.

06:22And I was gonna watch the ball drop with Lulu, but she won't come out of her room.

06:25Probably something to do with Steffi.

06:27And so I opened up a bottle of your do not touch until never wine.

06:33And now I feel better.

06:37I love you.

06:45I love you too.

06:49Feel free to apologize profusely.

06:51And maybe next time bring me those chocolates I like from the drugstore.

06:54I am sorry and I apologize profusely for, um, disappointing you and for forgetting our anniversary.

07:03I forgive you.

07:15It's like the big box.

07:17Yeah.

07:18Well, happy anniversary.

07:20Happy anniversary.

07:22All right.

07:23Well, it's forgiven.

07:27I think you dropped this.

07:29Fuck you!

07:31Are you top dancing?

07:33No, fuck you!

07:35Hey, hey, I think this is down far enough!

07:38You know what, Richard?

07:40I think you're right.

07:48Hold on.

07:54This is not good.

07:56Oh, you think?

07:56You think?

07:57I can't believe you did this on purpose.

07:59On purpose?

08:00Why would you do that?

08:01Yeah!

08:01Richard!

08:02Hey, hey, hey!

08:03This is not about you.

08:03Where's my mom?

08:06No!

08:08Richard!

08:08What?

08:09Liz?

08:09We gotta talk about this.

08:10Liz, please.

08:11No man could have resisted the siren song.

08:14That woman.

08:15The beguiling webs she weaved.

08:17The hypnotic allure of that brunch.

08:19She deceived me.

08:20She deceived both of us.

08:21No.

08:23You deceived me, Richard, for six and a half months.

08:27We share thoughts.

08:29We share science.

08:30We do not share...

08:32My wife.

08:32Liz, I'm sorry.

08:33Nothing happens between us.

08:35Okay, you're squeezing kind of tightly.

08:38Liz.

08:40Please.

08:41Where are we going?

08:43No, no, no, no, no.

08:44Hello, Delores.

08:46Liz, please.

08:47Liz, please.

08:48Liz, please.

08:49Liz.

08:51No, no, please.

08:52Liz, please.

08:52Liz, no, no, no.

08:54Ah!

09:00No!

09:01Ah!

09:02Oh, my God.

09:04Well, I think I'm gonna throw off this head.

09:07Ah!

09:11Please, in the name of science!

09:13How dare you blaspheme science!

09:15No, no, no.

09:15On top of everything else.

09:16Ah!

09:17Please!

09:18You need your name, Playmate?

09:19What have you heard?

09:20His name is fuck you.

09:22I want to play with the bird.

09:23I want to play with the bird.

09:24I want to play with the bird.

09:25Oh!

09:26Oh!

09:28Oh!

09:29Oh, my God!

09:29Oh!

09:32It's, uh...

09:33Delores, right?

09:36Good thing.

09:37Good birdie.

09:39Good birdie.

09:40Oh!

09:41Oh!

09:42The pen...

09:43Is the pen truly lighter than the sword?

09:46Holy God!

09:49I'm scared.

09:50I'm scared.

09:51I'm scared.

09:52I'm scared.

09:55I'm scared.

09:57Shit.

09:59Oh, I have seen jumping.

10:09What?

10:11What?

10:14What is that?

10:16Shut the fuck up, space anus.

10:26Live in darkness.

10:52Richard?

10:55Richard?

10:57Richard?

11:14Ritchie!

11:21Ritchie!

11:27Ritchie!

11:29Ritchie!

11:31Where are you?

11:33Ritchie!

11:34I'm sorry!

11:36I know this is all my fault!

11:39Oh, fuck.

11:40That is a lot of text.

11:44Wait.

11:48What?

11:51No!

11:52Oh, my God!

11:53What is she?

11:56Good morning.

11:57We recently featured Pulitzer Prize-winning author Lindy Littlejohn on the Read With Jenna segment of our show.

12:03We've learned Lindy's been accused of plagiarizing her recently published New Yorker short story, Untitled On Purpose.

12:09The shocking allegation originated from an unexpected and personal place, a viral TikTok video posted by the author's own daughter,

12:17Louise Littlejohn.

12:18So, my mom is a, quote, successful writer, unquote.

12:23Woo!

12:23She wrote one book 150 years ago.

12:26Anyway, this week, out of nowhere, mom drops a short story in The New Yorker, and everyone loses their shit

12:34over it.

12:34Well, I'm going to let you in on a big secret.

12:38My mom didn't write it.

12:41She stole it from one of her students.

12:44What?

12:44The actual fuck?

12:46She spends her days watching Housewives and making fake Paris Review accounts so she can shit-talk other writers.

12:52We were unable to reach Lindy Littlejohn directly for comment, but we were able to reach the author's mother, Diane

12:59McMichael Jones,

13:00who is widely suspected to have inspired the mother character in her daughter's Pulitzer Prize-winning debut novel, My Rainbow

13:07Starts With Black.

13:08No, I have no comment.

13:12Except to say, I haven't read Lindy's little story, but I will say I didn't care for her portrayal of

13:18the mother character in her novel.

13:20The real crime is that Lindy made me out to be a terrible mother, which I'm not.

13:27What a wild, unexpected turn for Lindy Littlejohn.

13:31We'll continue to follow this story and keep you updated as it develops.

13:40My mom didn't write it.

13:43She stole it from one of her students.

13:46The truth is, my mom doesn't even write anymore.

13:48She spends her days watching Housewives and making fake Paris Review accounts so she can shit-talk other writers.

13:55Oh, sorry, I didn't hear my name.

13:57I didn't call it. I wanted to bring it to you personally.

14:00Oh.

14:01Okay. Thank you.

14:03I also have a complicated relationship with my mother.

14:06Here. Here. The cake pop. On me.

14:09I hope you like vanilla.

14:12Thank you, St. Lulu de Lulu.

15:05Here's to us.

15:05I thought you were bringing in us.

15:07Fuck that us. New year, new less.

15:09Wow. Who knew?

15:11Hey!

15:12No Lindy tonight?

15:14No, no. She's at home under a blanket. Not in the party.

15:16Oh. Well, I can't say I blame her. That interview turned into quite the Greek tragedy.

15:22But you can tell me. I won't tell anyone other than everyone.

15:27You should do it. Plagiarize the story.

15:30Oh. I don't know. What? I don't know.

15:32Right answer.

15:33Deny, deny, deny, deny.

15:35All set for tonight?

15:36Everything is in place.

15:37Great.

15:38Oh, general.

15:40And a word.

15:40Oh, of course.

15:42Looking forward to the party trick.

15:44Party trick? What?

15:45A performance.

15:47There are several important private equity investors here that Hilton would love to impress with a preview of your tech.

15:52Absolutely not. I am a scientist.

15:55I'm not a party clown.

15:57You know the tech is incomplete. What am I supposed to do? Fake it?

15:59No.

16:00It's just a preview.

16:01Short and sweet.

16:02The corn is small.

16:04Ta-da.

16:04The corn is big.

16:05Ta-da.

16:06End of story.

16:07It's fraud.

16:08It's sales.

16:08It's my ass in prison is what it is.

16:11I've already got a journalist poking around the lab asking questions about Bobby Explainer's medbot brother-in-law.

16:16What's to stop Niels exposing me?

16:19Let me worry about Niels and your ass.

16:22It is one worth saving.

16:24Tonight, the only thing on your mind should be...

16:28Nobel.

16:29Nobel?

16:31Nobel.

16:36Do you see what I say?

16:42It's Dr. Emil Schofhausen.

16:45Nobel Prize recipient and current committee member. Chair, in fact.

16:49I did my postgraduate work on Dr. Schofhausen's theory of entanglement swapping. He is a bona fide science genius.

16:55Yes, yes, yes. Just imagine what the support of a man like that would do for your crew.

17:00It's just a preview.

17:01Short and sweet.

17:04Short and sweet. Small and big.

17:08Ta-da.

17:24Hey, why are you here?

17:25Why are any of us here?

17:26Oh, God. Is this where we are? Um, well, everyone else is down the hall getting drunk as hell watching

17:32the tourists in Times Square freeze their asses off.

17:33We're doing a shot every time a police force takes a dump.

17:37I need something different in my life.

17:44What's this?

17:46Something different.

17:52Did you open this?

17:53No!

17:54Yes. It's my job. My eyes than yours.

18:08Oh, fuck!

18:10What do I do?

18:12Oh!

18:13It's him! I know it!

18:14You answer it!

18:15You answer it!

18:16You answer it!

18:16It's your job!

18:18I'm actually off the clock, so you answer it.

18:21Fuck!

18:28Hello, this is Terry.

18:29Yeah, it's me!

18:30It's Lindy. Oh, I'm not missing a shit show.

18:32Your phone is off.

18:34For just this reason.

18:36You're hiding from me because you failed me.

18:40No, no, no, no, no. You failed me. What happened to do nothing, say nothing?

18:45You don't understand.

18:46I am so small. I needed something.

18:53Well, you're about to get smaller.

18:56Lindy, the damage has been done.

18:57The Pulitzer Committee is meeting, and there's talk of rescinding your award.

19:01No.

19:02No, not really. No, they can't.

19:05They can, and they most likely will.

19:08But...

19:09But why am I without it?

19:14A former client.

19:18Terry.

19:20Brutal.

19:20But warranted.

19:21Lindy, I tried. I really tried, but I'm somehow still clean in this, this, this...

19:25Shitstorm, shit sandwich, a shit needle.

19:27Shit, Nado.

19:29I warned you, Lindy, and you chose Jenna over me.

19:32Over our friendship, our partnership.

19:36I can't believe I'm saying this, but I...

19:45I'm officially cutting ties with you.

19:48Terry.

19:50Please, no.

19:52Please, no.

19:52Please don't leave me.

19:53I...

19:54I have no one.

19:55I am totally alone here.

19:58I...

19:58My...

19:58My own mother.

19:59My daughter.

20:00My husband.

20:01Les fucking hates me.

20:02It is truly over between us now, and I can't lose you too.

20:08Who?

20:11I'm sorry it's come to this.

20:24Hey, you had to.

20:26I know it's hard.

20:26I'll miss her too.

20:28Oh, um, Miss Oldham.

20:30Happy New Year.

20:30Nothing happy, nothing new.

20:32Why did you offer a Jackie Baldwin a six-figure book deal when I've seen no Jackie?

20:37No book, no email, no proposal.

20:39Sid, she is the next big thing.

20:41Yeah, well, you better hope so.

20:42No Lindy, no Jackie, no imprint.

20:47Love the top.

20:50Paper's real.

20:51You're unclean.

20:53So are you.

20:55Farrah.

20:59No.

21:00No.

21:13No.

21:14No.

21:14I need a volunteer.

21:20Sir.

21:35That's fantastic.

21:37That's wonderful.

21:40Korn has been miniaturized into what appears to be one-tenth its original size.

21:46One-twelfth, to be precise.

21:48And now.

22:33I was just saying to, um, Dr. Schofhausen, who was expecting an explosion,

22:37how clever it was that we mitigated the explosion by storing the exothermally generated energy on a subatomic level.

22:44Yes, it was an explosive discovery.

22:51To an explosive new year!

23:07I hit rock bottom.

23:13It's all fucking gone.

23:17What is the point?

23:28Richie! You're alive!

23:30Oh my god!

23:31No, no, no. You disgust me.

23:34I'm me and I'm disgusted.

23:37It consumes me.

23:38My heart, my mind, my soul.

23:41Everything hurts.

23:42Richie.

23:43Oh god, I'm so sorry, but I-

23:45But.

23:46Well, but-

23:47But!

23:49A true apology should never include a qualifier.

23:53You're right.

23:55I'm sorry, no but.

23:57What I did was inexcusable.

24:01I had no idea Les was gonna react like that.

24:03I didn't think it through.

24:05I-

24:05I suppose a reaction of that magnitude couldn't have been predicted.

24:09I-I need you.

24:12Now more than ever, you have no idea what has happened to me.

24:17I-

24:17What happened to you?

24:19Yeah, the-

24:20The-

24:21I have the floor.

24:23Okay.

24:24I'm gonna finish my monologue.

24:26Of course.

24:27I was forced to do unspeakable things to one of God's beloved creatures.

24:32I was coerced into abandoning my moral code and playing a part in your marital folly, but I am not

24:38above reproach.

24:41I am guilty on two counts.

24:43One in the name of love, and the other in the name of science.

24:49I believe in Les.

24:50I believe he'll solve the restoration formula before his 30 day deadline, and I will bank him to forgive me.

25:00Then I will throw myself at the mercy of science in the hopes of being restored to my regular size.

25:10Did you say 30 day deadline?

25:14That is what you heard?

25:16No, no, I heard it- I heard it all.

25:18The folly, and the Les, and the but-

25:22But?

25:23But what the fuck is the 30 day deadline?

25:26According to the contract, Les has 30 days.

25:29The sold the formula, or he's fired and the tech reverts to Hilton.

25:33He has 22 days left.

25:38He only ever had 30 days.

25:41And now he only has-

25:4222.

25:43Oh my god.

25:44Oh, it's closer to 21, actually.

25:48Another fucking lie!

25:50Oh my golly.

25:51Right?

25:52No.

25:52Wait, where are you going?

25:53I need space from you.

25:56Okay, but-

25:57I'm getting my own place.

26:02Oh.

26:04Fucking less.

26:06He is gonna pay for this.

26:13What kind of monster makes a horrible TikTok video about their own mother?

26:17You are a spoiled child, and a lying liar.

26:20Whoa!

26:21Mommy mad?

26:22If you thought that was crazy, wait until you hear...

26:26DJ Todd's remake!

26:32You're marked up!

26:33Marked up!

26:34Marked up!

26:48Marked up!

26:49You're a spoiled child.

26:52You're a spoiled child.

26:53You're a spoiled child.

26:54You're a spoiled child.

26:57Who are you?

26:59What?

26:59Who are you?

27:01I don't recognize you.

27:03I'm Saint Lulu to Lulu.

27:05You gotta have that right.

27:07Hey, I read the book.

27:08How fucking Lindy was my move?

27:11Very.

27:11See?

27:13I think you missed the point.

27:15That was the point.

27:18Want another drink?

27:20Sure, boss.

27:21Me too!

27:22Face yourself to Lulu.

27:33Can I fucking help you?

27:35I don't want your help.

27:37Wow, judgment from the shirtless wonder.

27:39She's your mom.

27:40She's a liar.

27:42You'll regret it.

27:44Fuck that!

27:45I am her literal regret.

27:48You sure are living up to that title, aren't you?

28:10You good?

28:12I'm peeing.

28:15You're scrolling.

28:18Fuck off, Tarzan.

28:20No one made you come here.

28:22My bladder made me come here.

28:23You think you're so clever.

28:25I know you came here tonight to see me.

28:27Yes, this is the guy who followed me into the bathroom.

28:31What if I did?

28:32What if I did?

28:32Is that for I knew?

28:34A little.

28:37Did you buy that?

28:39I kind of wanted to.

28:40Is that bad?

28:43Kind of?

28:45You kind of liked it.

28:48You did.

28:49You followed me in here.

28:52Busted.

29:00Lindy.

29:02Lindy.

29:04Guess who's getting his big prize?

29:10Hello.

29:14This is an open bottle.

29:15But not to be open, never.

29:17Me.

29:20Oh.

29:21That's...

29:22Richard.

29:23Richard?

29:25Doors?

29:26Richard?

29:27Oh, God.

29:28Oh, God.

29:32Is that blood?

29:33Who's blood?

29:35No.

29:36Is that human flesh?

29:37No.

29:38Oh, God.

29:38Richard?

29:39Richard?

29:41Richard, I'm...

29:42I'm sorry.

29:44I'm sorry.

29:45I...

29:46Richard?

29:47I was angry and I was hurt

29:48and I thought a few pecs would even score.

29:52Richard?

29:56Richard?

29:58Please.

29:59Please, Richard.

30:00Reveal yourself.

30:06You're dead.

30:07You're dying of a man?

30:08You're dead.

30:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

30:12What?

30:16We all die.

30:17Let's die.

30:18Black, you're dead and you're dead, man.

30:20We're dead, man.

30:21We're dead.

30:26What?

30:26No, no, no, no.

30:30I killed him, man.

30:32I'm not a science schoolhouse.

30:44Are you anonymous?

30:46That is the only way this works.

30:54Okay.

30:57I'm not used to the Hulk-luckin'-tagger routine.

30:59I'm not scientific American.

31:01Do you know who I am?

31:03Yeah, you're...

31:05Anonymous.

31:07You passed.

31:09Drive.

31:18Who were I?

31:24Richard!

31:26Janet!

31:27Happy New Year!

31:28Happy New Year to you two.

31:30Oh, what happened to your head?

31:33Oh, I just...

31:34I had an altercation with a bird.

31:36On the farm?

31:37Yeah, something like that.

31:39So, listen, I just wanted to say thank you for the quill pen.

31:44It, um, saved my life.

31:46Well, the pen is minier than the sword.

31:49I can attest to that.

31:51Where are you?

31:52I'm at the lab in the creepy basement, uh, here to reboot the, uh, thermal energy tank.

32:00You drew the short straw again?

32:02Mm-hmm.

32:03The Bob should have stepped up.

32:05Oh, yeah, it's, it's okay.

32:06I was, um, I was out anyway.

32:08Oh, you on a date?

32:11No, no, I, I was, um, it was a work event.

32:14You wouldn't guess where.

32:16Tell me everything.

32:18It was Hilton's mansion.

32:20He invited all of us, me and the Bob's.

32:22Well, not the Bob's.

33:10Oh, fuck!

33:12Oh, fuck!

33:19Happy New Year, lad!

33:22Whoa!

33:33Where's Richard?

33:35Who knows?

33:36Weren't you the last one to see him?

33:38How's the formula coming, huh?

33:40What, have you got 22 days left, or is it technically 21 now?

33:45Lindy!

33:45Either way, I bet you're so close!

33:49Make that the epitaph of my tiny headstone fucker.

33:53I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to worry you!

33:55And I'm not worried!

33:58I've accepted!

33:58You can't solve the formula!

34:01I will solve the formula!

34:02Fuck you!

34:02You lie even to yourself!

34:04Ha ha!

34:05I've made peace with being six inches tall!

34:08I even kinda like it!

34:10And I plan to make the next 21 days of your life a living hell!

34:14What?!

34:16What?!

34:16Why?!

34:17Careful, sweetie!

34:18Your ass is on fire!

34:32Oh god!

34:33I've created a tiny monster!

34:39Oh!

34:40Oh no!

34:46The stars have claimed one of their own!

34:52It's been an hour space cradle!

35:06What?

35:08What?

35:12What the fuck?

35:16I'll see your tiny cat, Dr. Littlejohn, and raise you a tiny, silenced reporter.

35:27Whoa.

35:28Ta.

35:30Ta.

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