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00:15Dave, do I want a steroid power drink?
00:18Absolutely. I'll take a case, please.
00:22No, Ben. It's asteroid power drink.
00:28Wow. Man, they said it came from real asteroids, you know?
00:32But the drink tastes like ass.
00:34But I should text Dave. Is it on the internet?
00:37Yeah, it's everywhere.
00:38Wow, man, I'm famous.
00:45The following is a heightened theatrical take on Ben Johnson's story.
00:48This is the last episode, so if you don't get it by now,
00:51listen, we're just trying to tell the man's story.
00:54Let us cook!
00:55When I got back from Seoul,
00:57it literally became a race of who can fuck me to artists.
01:00Who fucked Ben Johnson's the hardest final beat?
01:05On your mark, get set.
01:09Fuck Ben Johnson.
01:14Sue Minow and Din Bergenberg are off to a great start.
01:18But look, Trey Torvey, who was recently promoted to the VP of Games Committee, is making a move.
01:26Trey, you're on the Games Committee now. You've got to do something about this test.
01:29Yes, I know. I'm working on it, okay?
01:31What we need to do is get you out of Seoul ASAP.
01:33No! No, no, no, no. We'll look guilty. We've got to stay and fight.
01:37There is no way that Ben had stenozolol in his system.
01:41The only thing in on my system is lightning.
01:43Not helping, Ben.
01:44Sorry, Charlie. Sorry.
01:45Don't we get a hearing or anything?
01:47Yes, but will you let me handle it, please?
01:49Okay? You know me. We have been doing this together for years.
01:52I will not rest until Ben is cleared.
01:55But if you show up there, it's going to be a freaking circus, Charlie!
01:58Boparazzi!
01:59Hey! Hey! Get out of her face! You're all trash!
02:02You've got to get out of the country, and you've got to get out now.
02:04Okay? Mm-hmm.
02:05You can trust me.
02:10I trust you.
02:12Should have never trusted her, man.
02:14Man, she went all the way up to, uh, a man by the name of, um, Juan Antonio Samaranch.
02:19You know who that is?
02:20Googling now.
02:22Shit. President of the games committee.
02:24Bingo! There it is.
02:25Goes all the way up to the president.
02:28Got a real problem with drugs, Juan.
02:30I know.
02:31The K-Cops found ten pounds of cocaine.
02:34And all of it was in Jamie Astofan's funny pie.
02:37No. Not that kind of drugs.
02:39I'm talking about performance-enhancing drugs.
02:41Steroids.
02:42Jess.
02:44You need to nip that in the butt.
02:46I think I've got a way forward.
02:47Ben Johnson tested positive, and he foolishly left Seoul this morning before attending his hearing.
02:53Sacrificial lamb, anyone?
02:56Go on.
02:57I'm thinking.
02:58You give me the keys to this thing.
03:00Then I will make sure that no one in the entire world ever does drugs again!
03:07Again!
03:08Again!
03:08Again!
03:09Again!
03:12Well, maybe we should start with the athletes?
03:14Yeah.
03:14Oh.
03:15Okay.
03:16Sure.
03:16We could-
03:17We'll start with the athletes, and then-and then everyone else.
03:21Do you think the rest of the committee will be on board with this?
03:25Who cares?
03:26I am Juan to the motherfucking Esther the Amaranth.
03:29I do what the hell I want.
03:31And I am Trey to the T-Doc.
03:34Everybody does what I say!
03:36See my guidelines, you bitches!
03:39Are you serious?
03:41Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
03:44ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
03:46He are dead!
03:47Juan Antonio Samarach has a burst!
03:52Juan?
03:53Dead.
03:54You've established I don't care what you say about dead people.
03:58Him as a rogue agent?
04:00I'll allow it.
04:02It'll help us stay away from implicating the games committee.
04:10Please tell me this is almost over.
04:12But didn't the games committee have to investigate?
04:17No.
04:18Come on.
04:19Investigate?
04:19You think this is?
04:21Murder she wrote?
04:22No investigation.
04:24Literally by the time I get back to Canada, I was...
04:27I was guilty.
04:29Shit.
04:29Yep.
04:30So Juan and Trey set you up?
04:31Faster than a hundred meter dash.
04:33That sucks, dude.
04:34I know.
04:35Then Canada hired Charles Dubin to put on a whole less inquiry.
04:41I'm here, Canada.
04:42Rest easy.
04:44It's Dubin time.
04:47Oh, looks like Ontario Appeal Court Chief Justice Charles Dubin is getting into the mix.
04:54Anyway, Canada wanted to be the first country to tell on themselves so that other countries would follow.
05:01And what do you mean?
05:02What do I mean is that they thought if they got rid of their athletes doing steroids that the other
05:07countries would follow them too.
05:08And then everyone would race clean together.
05:12Well, how many other countries did inquiries?
05:14None.
05:15None.
05:17And then Canada told the truth of themselves!
05:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:27That's just funny.
05:28That's just funny.
05:31Canada.
05:31Oh, my God!
05:32Oh, my God!
05:35Oh, my God!
05:36Oh, my God!
05:37Oh, my God!
05:37Okay, so what did Dubin do?
05:38He tried to go after my team.
05:40Okay?
05:40Anyone.
05:41But Charlie?
05:43Charlie didn't give him a time of day.
05:45Dubin, I wouldn't give you the time of day.
05:49You see, most people that Dubin tried to talk to checked in with me first, because they were smart.
05:53But one person wasn't.
05:55One person only.
06:02Steroids sommelier, how can I help you?
06:05Jamie Astafan, did you assist Ben Johnson in doping at the games?
06:08Who's asking?
06:09The Government of Canada.
06:10Did we do an interview?
06:12Oh, I didn't show up with that.
06:13Is this gonna be on the news?
06:14What just happened to your voice?
06:16It was I, Dr. Jamie Astafan, who turned Ben Johnson from a talented sprinter into a world-ranked athlete.
06:22As a master steroid doctor, I had-
06:26We have no proof that, uh, that he-
06:31Oh.
06:32Wait.
06:33He did say that.
06:35What?
06:36Oh!
06:38Oh!
06:39Oh, no!
06:40Fuck off!
06:42Power down, power up!
06:43You did it!
06:44Dr. Jamie Astafan, the steroid sommelier, enters the fridge!
06:50Even though dude bent at Jamie, nobody's willing to talk.
06:53Then Ed Futterman came into my life.
06:54Out of nowhere.
06:56Oh, great.
06:56You're up.
06:57We gotta get working on your defense for this inquiry.
06:58I have a few plans.
06:59Are you getting in my house?
07:00A window.
07:00I'm your new lawyer.
07:02Ed Futterman?
07:02Never hire a lawyer.
07:03I hired myself on your behalf.
07:05That's what great lawyers do.
07:07I saw you on TV and I said to myself,
07:09there's a rich man that could use my help.
07:12How do you want your eggs?
07:13Sunny side up.
07:14Love the positivity, Ben.
07:16Now, I've got three good plans and two bad ones.
07:18We gotta convince the world you're too stupid to have knowingly done this.
07:22Hold on.
07:22Not stupid.
07:23Shut up and let me do the dog, kid.
07:25Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
07:28Welcome to the party.
07:29Ed Futterman, hit that nitro.
07:31Ben, how does it feel to bring shame to all of Canada and Jamaica?
07:34Ben, is it true that you're a mama's boy?
07:36Any comments on testing positive for steroids
07:38and throwing Canada's track and field legacy under the bus?
07:40Ben, just quickly, how tall are you
07:41and would you go on a date with me?
07:43Quiet.
07:43Quiet.
07:44Oh, sorry.
07:45Listen up.
07:46My friend Ben is confused, very confused.
07:49He doesn't know what happened in Seoul
07:51and he would like to make a statement.
07:53Ben is officially backing away from his previous strong denial
07:56that he had ever taken steroids.
07:58Are you saying Ben is admitting to taking steroids?
08:01Ben Johnson is not denying steroids were present in his body
08:05when he won the Olympic 100 meters final
08:07in a since disqualified world record 9.79 seconds.
08:10He is simply stating that he, Ben Johnson,
08:14did not know they were there.
08:17Stop.
08:18No lawyer in his right mind would, uh...
08:23And I jumped the gun again.
08:26He very much said that.
08:30Ben didn't know what was going on,
08:32but there were other people who knew exactly what was going on.
08:35One guy was calling the shots.
08:37I'll give you a hint.
08:38His name is Charlie.
08:40Do you care to comment?
08:41Who is this Charlie?
08:42Is it a woman?
08:42I hope it's not a beautiful woman.
08:44One guy was calling the shots.
08:45I'll give you a hint.
08:46His name is Charlie.
09:04Doobin, I'm ready to testify.
09:07If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try and...
09:10I should probably dial first.
09:14I mean, you know what Ed did?
09:16You know what he did?
09:17He had me take an IQ test.
09:18Okay?
09:19And he attempted to show all the people at the inquiry
09:22how stupid I was.
09:24What?
09:24Bro, you need to fire his ass.
09:25I can't fire him.
09:26You don't understand how fast it happened after the games.
09:29Okay?
09:29Ed tricked me to signing over my career
09:32and all my finances.
09:40This is great, Ben.
09:41You're making the right decision putting your life in my hands.
09:44Hold on.
09:44Where's all the deals you promised me, Ed?
09:46Everywhere.
09:47Everywhere.
09:47We just got in an offer for something big.
09:50Big.
09:51Callie?
09:53Meet your new sports agent, Ben.
09:54Hello.
09:55Where I'm come from?
09:56A crazy, bored billionaire wants to offer you and Carl
09:59three million dollars to raise each other again.
10:02Each.
10:03Three million each?
10:04Easy take.
10:05Oh, I'll turn it down.
10:06What?
10:07You have any idea what the taxes are on three million dollars, Ben?
10:11Come on, man.
10:12Think.
10:12Don't be crazy.
10:14You know what's crazy?
10:15These split-ins.
10:18Callie's also my hairdresser.
10:20Hairdresser?
10:20This one's bloody tragic.
10:24Aye, that's trifling.
10:25Trifling, I know.
10:27I mean, it wasn't even worth it.
10:28You just let them railroad me.
10:31Dear diary, today I injected Ben's ass with drugs.
10:34I hope one day it'd make me famous.
10:37Mr. Astephan, are you reading from a goddamn journal?
10:41Objection!
10:43I need to go to the bathroom.
10:46Idiot.
10:47This is hilarious.
10:50Go get him, Canada.
10:51No, Carl wasn't at the inquiry.
10:54He had so many better things to do.
10:56He was, you know, continuing track career, burgeoning musical career.
11:00He was probably hanging out with Matthew Johnson and Arsenio Hall.
11:03You know, the other people are pretend.
11:05I don't care what you do with them.
11:07Get him, Canada.
11:09This is playing just how we planned it.
11:13It is a close one.
11:15It is anybody's race.
11:19Why'd they only come after you if other athletes confessed?
11:21Other athletes suffered too.
11:23But I was the most famous and the most handsome.
11:25So they need to put me on a cross so the whole world can see.
11:28Whoa, so now you track Jesus, huh?
11:30Whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:31Jesus, are you kidding me?
11:32I mean, Jesus, when it comes to sacrificial lambs, he is the goat, okay?
11:36Mm-hmm.
11:38But then there's me.
11:39I'm the skate goat.
11:42Bars.
11:44Yes.
11:46I gave my athletes drugs.
11:48Boom!
11:48We win.
11:49Silence, Mr. Futterman.
11:51Although I did give Ben Johnson drugs,
11:54there's no way he could have failed a drug test for stenozolol.
12:00I'd been giving him a different steroid altogether.
12:03Foolishness.
12:04Ed was always yelling all kinds of foolishness.
12:06All kinds of foolishness!
12:12I could tell that Charlie wasn't really trying to hurt me.
12:16But Ed fucked up everything so much.
12:19So when did you decide it was finally time to tell your truth?
12:22There's only one person in the whole world that can get me to speak.
12:32Mommy.
12:33Mommy.
12:46You want to make you proud, Mommy?
12:50What do you want me to do?
13:16It's hard, Mommy.
13:18Yeah.
13:19I think my people are stronger.
13:21It's hard.
13:21It's hard, Mommy.
13:22You will be better on the other side.
13:27Hallelujah!
13:36You heal it, Mommy.
13:40You heal it.
13:47You heal it.
13:48It's hard.
13:49You heal it.
13:50I feel it.
14:01You heal.
14:05Everybody would have noticed when Gretzky got traded and would have been sad.
14:09Carl Lewis, no, they wouldn't have anybody to push him.
14:13He probably would have got bored, quit track, and become a full-time musician.
14:19Imagine.
14:20They would have used music for torture prisoners.
14:26He's an idiot singer, you know.
14:28And not to mention,
14:31Canada track,
14:33only exists
14:37because of the money mimic them.
14:41Without me, there'd be no future athletes. None!
14:46You would never have names like
14:48Donovan Bailey,
14:51Bruni Surin,
14:53or even Andre de Grasse,
14:56or Mia the Blueprint.
14:58It...
15:00I...
15:02am...
15:06Ben Janssen.
15:10Oh?
15:14I don't know those names yet. It's 1989.
15:18Ben, you're right.
15:21You changed the face of Canada forever.
15:25And for that,
15:27we find you guilty.
15:29You are hereby charged with a two-year ban.
15:31What?
15:32You know something?
15:33A chance coming.
15:36Ed, walk on.
15:37We never asked for someone new to love.
15:40We already have Terry Fox.
15:43He got my zero.
15:44Watch me get you outside.
15:46Terry Fox would never question him.
15:49I love Terry Fox.
16:00Not only did Canada not protect me,
16:03they celebrated my downfall.
16:06In the 1980s, a Canadian hero was born.
16:09The game's 100-meter sprinter, Ben Janssen.
16:13He was electric on the track.
16:14We love you, Ken.
16:15You're a winger.
16:17We love you.
16:18We love you.
16:18We love you.
16:21But it all came to a halt at the 1988 Soul Games,
16:24where Ben was disqualified for doping.
16:27A sad day for Canadians.
16:29Or rather, Jamaicans.
16:31Because that's when we realized Ben Janssen was born in Jamaica.
16:35I suggest you consider moving back to Jamaica.
16:39And when we stop liking you, you're from Jamaica again.
16:43This Canadian moment was brought to you by Canada.
16:46We're nice, till we're not.
16:48I lost.
16:49My gold medal, gone.
16:51Money, gone.
16:53All my friends, gone.
16:56And the ladies...
16:59The ladies never left.
17:02So what happened to all these people? Where's Jamie at?
17:05Jamie.
17:05Oh, eventually, he ended up back and sick kids and died.
17:09Hmm.
17:14Could've been angels.
17:16Go to your eyes.
17:18Could've been good kids.
17:23Anyways...
17:23Okay, so what about your boy Spike?
17:25He wasn't in the Fuck Ben race.
17:26Oh, yeah, but he was there.
17:28Definitely there.
17:30Spike spiked my drink,
17:31so I would test positive for Stanazolaw.
17:34He's the reason I lost everything.
17:36I'm a mess with your life!
17:37If he had just stepped up and did the right thing
17:40any time in the last 40 years,
17:42oh, man, my life would've been so different, you know?
17:46Quick pop-in here.
17:47We're hearing about, uh, Ben's relationship with Spike from Ben.
17:51Just a quick reminder,
17:52nothing can be independently corroborated
17:54from a third-party source.
17:56Spike ain't no snitch!
17:58Precisely.
18:00Spike,
18:01he definitely wins the race.
18:03Yup.
18:04He spiked my drink,
18:05let me go to Vegas,
18:08missed my mom dying,
18:11but at least I got to see Charlie, you know?
18:17I'm sorry.
18:18I couldn't have been a better father to you, Ben.
18:23I want you to know, uh,
18:26that this was about more than just racing for me.
18:31Me too, Charlie.
18:33Me too.
18:37Thank you
18:39for being my white father.
18:45Thank you for being my black son.
18:50I know that's racist,
18:54but it's the good kind of racism.
18:57I know.
19:12Rest in peace, quiet daddy.
19:28Charlie's a real one.
19:29He was.
19:31You know his training program?
19:33It's still used by athletes all over the world.
19:35Still.
19:35Okay, so I'll run down everyone else.
19:37Okay, so Maxine, my ex, we're cool now.
19:41Um, my daughter, you know, things are a little complicated,
19:44but I love her.
19:46And I still get to see my grandkids,
19:48which is really good, you know?
19:49What about Ed?
19:50Ed?
19:50Oh, I tried to sue Ed Futterman for $37 million,
19:53but that motherfucker died before I can get justice.
19:58What's subpoena?
20:04What about Carl?
20:05Dead, dick exploded,
20:06shrunk because of too much doping,
20:07it's gone, boom, explosion.
20:09First of all,
20:10I don't understand this obsession with Carl's penis.
20:14Second,
20:15Carl Lewis is alive and well.
20:21There is no evidence to suggest that his dick exploded.
20:26Allegedly.
20:29Should've been a fucking dentist.
20:32I gotta say, man, chopping up what you has been cool.
20:35Any last words?
20:36Um, the world will know the truth now.
20:39Yes, my story.
20:41The Ben Johnson story,
20:42but Ben Johnson.
20:44Don't hate the player.
20:46Hate the game.
20:49Okay, I think that's it.
20:51Wow, it's a wrap.
20:52It is, it's a wrap.
20:53I've always wanted to say that.
20:54That's a wrap.
20:55It's a wrap.
20:57It's a wrap.
21:08That's green.
21:09All right.
21:10Let's go.
21:13Yo, where's my cat?
21:17Hey, champ.
21:19Ready to see what we've been working on?
21:21Been ready.
21:28This one not gonna make it.
21:30We got malaria.
21:32You don't take one from me, are we?
21:34Let me have this one.
21:36This is the story of Ben Johnson by Ben Johnson.
21:41He was a complicated man who loved running,
21:45women...
21:45Jezebel.
21:46...and his mama.
21:48If you want to be the best,
21:50you have to beat the best.
21:53Yes, ma'am.
21:54And Ben was the potential to do great things.
21:57Perfect fit.
21:59With the support of both friends and foes,
22:01he pushed himself to be the best.
22:05Hey, Canada.
22:06You...
22:07You...
22:09Ben had celebrators.
22:11Charlie!
22:12You're a guan chocolate guy.
22:15But had plenty of haters, too.
22:20Doesn't that feel good?
22:22We all want to say we wouldn't have doped.
22:23But if you had the opportunity to win gold,
22:27what would you do?
22:31Ben made mistakes,
22:33and they cost him dearly.
22:38So now it's time for you to block Canada.
22:41But through it all, he remained our Canadian hero.
22:46I...
22:48am...
22:52Ben Johnson.
22:55What the fuck is this?
22:56It's everything you told us, ma'am.
22:58It's your story.
22:59Really?
23:00Word for word.
23:31Hate is all I hate.
23:33Hate is all I hate.
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