- 6 minutes ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Mystery mystery! Suspense and horror and curse and Timu. Today I have a mystery
00:07bag full of cursed items from Timu that you can only open at 3.45 a.m. and right
00:12now it's 2.55 a.m. What is inside my cursed bag? I had someone put this
00:17together for me and I'm ready to just shat my pants. I told them they better
00:20thrill me. Better thrill me. Better impregnate. That wasn't right. Wasn't
00:27right was it? Just feed me. Okay, stop. Wow. Um, middle of the night's really weird for me.
00:34Oh, I see something I don't like. YouTube friendly. Let's pull it. Let's start the box.
00:39Everything feels safe with a box. Always gonna smell it. Not gonna taste it. That's how
00:45something started, I'm sure, along the line. Pickle jar. All right.
00:52Oh my god, they sent me myself. They sent me myself! It is a angry pickle with a dump truck.
01:01Sad in a jar. Why no lid? They said no lid. Why are you upset? You can literally get out.
01:08I found the cursed part. Hold on. Hold on. I can't stop smelling it. I don't like that. That's where
01:15it's cursed.
01:16Rip. Okay. Oh. No! We don't voodoo doll in this family. We aren't supposed to put bad intentions on
01:23anybody. Except for maybe somebody. I have a Mothman research card. I have a little Ouija board.
01:30I have some hand sanitizer. I have a parrot. And I have a whole bunch of bumper stickers.
01:35But for some reason, I don't appear to have a pin. Just a little surgery.
01:39Who are you? Wait, wait, wait.
01:41I did. I'm just kidding. I didn't actually do it. Because I would worry that because I
01:48believed in this, that would happen. And no revenge. No revenge. Because we're a boss bitch now.
01:55No revenge. Have you guys been enjoying Chris and I's new podcast? Comes out tomorrow. I'm so
02:00excited. Oh, they sent gum. Fright Juicy Mint Magic Gum Game. Okay.
02:11That wasn't very nice. But ask me if I'm going to do that to my dad today. I am. I'm
02:15going to see
02:15him and I'm going to do that. Watch that. Watch that. Would you like some gum? Of course I'd like
02:19some gum. Uh-oh. Ha ha ha. Next we have teeth. We have teeth. Like literal teeth. Okay. Cool. Bring
02:29it on, babe. Multi-colored resin teeth. Do I fit there in the middle? Or it's kind of white? Please
02:35tell
02:36me yes. I brush so much. These are nice teeth. Just buy these and glue them to your own. They
02:40look
02:40really human. Oh God. I can hear you yelling at me not to do that. I can hear it. I
02:44heard it in
02:44your brain. Oh, what is this? Oh, I'm going to like this, aren't I? I can already feel it. I
02:50can feel
02:50it in my bones. Okay. I'm going to guess that this is some kind of magnetic powder. And this is
02:56a
02:57magnet. Yes. See now I'm just good. This has been cursed. This is magic. This is the 10 out of
03:0610 on
03:07the scale of I love it. Look at it go. I'm scratching the plastic though. Like this is like a
03:1210 minute
03:12toy. Put that in the Happy Meal. I wouldn't eat it. Oh my gosh. Why am I kind of turned
03:21on? Hold on,
03:22hold on. Close your eyes. And open them. Hi, I'm your babysitter. Want to play escape? Escape my
03:30pants. Did I just say escape my hands or escape my pants? Y'all it's early. It's late, but it's
03:36early.
03:36And what we got? The? Oh, this looks sexy. Something large and in charge. Am I talking
03:43about me? Maybe. Ugh. I'm confused. Don't look. Don't look. I'm a roach. Look at my roach
03:50hands. And my roach body. And my roach antlers. They're not cowed antlers, are they? My roach.
03:59Please tell me. What are they? Antennas. They're my roach antennas. I feel
04:06safe. And I feel beautiful. Cause I'm a roach. And you are not. This is me giving you the
04:16roach finger. Cause that's your deserve. You don't deserve the roach finger. You deserve
04:20the roach love. From me to you. This doesn't. See, an old person would say this is cursed.
04:27Am I a bed bug? Am I a roach? What do the spirits say? Oh lord. I whip my hair
04:33back and
04:35I don't want to take it off. But I should. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's a quarter sip? American eagle
04:42what? Roach no more. I've never seen a cockroach in real life. You want to wonder what's weird?
04:46I thought cockroaches only existed in America. Shh. Stop. I know. I see something cylindular.
04:53Cylindular? Cylinder. Cylinder. Cylinder. Cylinder. The night is long. And the attention
05:00span is thin. And the word remembering is not. Okay. This kind of feels like it could be
05:04a rug. To be honest. Ooh. Okay. I was right. It's a rug. Ooh. Flowers. Oh. It's the other
05:12side. Oh. It's a chalk outline of a person. It's a chalk outline. And it's literally like
05:19as tall as me. Guys. Why is this kind of cute? Vote. Is there something wrong with me? Or is
05:25this kind of cute? And I should leave it on this desk. As like a spot to do things. For
05:29activities. Okay. You guys chose and it stays. Big white box. Nothing more suspicious than
05:35that. What do we have? Oh. It's a light. It's a light. This is a neon sign that says horror.
05:42Horror. Horror. That's an inside joke that you'll eventually one day get. This is nice. And
05:47I'll put this up in my bathroom above the toilet. Because you know what you do. You know. Honestly,
05:51I'm just excited about that. What's this? Oh. These are even cursed. These are funny and
05:55kind of dark and kind of gross. Which is the way that I like to go with things. How's the
06:00McShit going? Are we on the bathroom theme here? Imagine this over this. How's the McShit
06:05going? See, these are those moments where it's like, I'm having a challenge. Can I put
06:08this up still? Parents. Can I put up the McShit sign? Tell me yes. Because I'm probably
06:15gonna do it anyways. What is this? It looks like a dress. But it has piping. Maybe it's
06:23a skirt. It's a hat. It's a hat. It's a fancy witch's hat. For your favorite Christian witch.
06:30I'm not very erect, am I? This feels like I should just be naked and just wearing this.
06:34Is she a lamp or is she a witch? You keep just getting things out of this. Stop licking
06:40things. You don't know where this was. Oh, it feels good. I like that. I like it. I'll wear
06:44it. All day, every day. Oh, accurate. Accurate. Uh, not even for me, though. I need to send
06:51this to my manager, Frankie. Here's a picture of Frankie. Runs my life. An icon. Look, a little
06:58desk plate and it says chaos coordinator because he coordinates my chaos. He does. We love you,
07:04Frankie. Oh, oh, is this just like a bog-wit shirt? Oh, Selena will wear this. Did I just talk
07:12in third person? Did I just say Selena will wear this? Selena likes this? Moving on. That
07:17was creepy. That was the 10 out of 10 curse thing was me talking in third person. Can we
07:21make sure I never do that again? Look, there's literally velvet on this. I'm gonna wear this
07:25with just a black bra underneath and a little black skirt and big black hooker boob and I'm
07:30just gonna look like a little hooker boob lady. Why does it all smell like someone smoked
07:35on it? Uh, this is probably how people wish I was. Does it look good? I feel like I would
07:42be one of these people in COVID. I wasn't because I just didn't go out because I was like, great
07:45excuse. Who would wear the masks that look like a mouth where they'd be like, put your mask
07:49on and you'd be like, I'm wearing one. That is pretty cursed looking. That looks like Megan's
07:54mouth from the Megan movie. See this? This looks a little suspicious. Suspicious. Oh, hold
08:03on, hold on, hold on. Probably cost a couple dollars when you couldn't stick these on. Probably
08:08because they'd fall off. Guys, I hope all your hopes and dreams are coming true. Sorry,
08:13that was really random. Anyways, hold on. Coraline, come hug your other mother. Wow, that was also
08:18felt really a lot more curse than the glasses were. But for real, I hope all your dreams are
08:21coming true. I hope things are going nice for you guys. I had a good day. I have this,
08:25my book deal coming out, which is amazing. I can't wait for you guys to reread Paulo if you haven't
08:29read it. It's been like, when I say reread, I'm like, it's not the same book. There are tons of
08:33edits done and a whole bunch of new parts in it. And I just, it became such an amazing thing
08:38with
08:38such a team behind it. And it's going to be coming out in January. And I think you're going to
08:42die.
08:42Look at these. I don't know what they are. There's holes in them. This is the complete thing. It was
08:45just
08:46two things. They look like teeth. You could put them on your cupboards. I don't know. It feels cursed
08:50because I feel like I don't know what it is. Oh, hold on. I read it.
09:00Wow, that feels better. That's not cursed. It's exciting. And I'm going to do that at the bar.
09:12I'm going to do that at a party I'm going to this weekend. So be ready for that. Oh,
09:16what is this? It looks like a towel. Don't know how cursed a towel can be. Wait,
09:21what does it say? Does this towel smell like chloroform to you? What? You know,
09:29Chris was here the other day and her and Adam were talking about how I lack the thing in my
09:34head that
09:35says danger. And like, maybe I shouldn't do that. I just don't have that in my head. I don't. I
09:40just do
09:41the things that are the dangerous. You heard that too, right? Yeah. It's the middle of the night.
09:51No one's here. So yeah. Next up. What are these? Socks? Socks with skeletons on them. We got blue
10:01and brown and purple and gray and black and another set of each. Wow. That's actually,
10:08I would wear the shit out of those. All right. Time to go back into got baby summer as I'm
10:12wearing
10:12like my like white shirt that says, I hope your dog likes me. Have you ever seen something that's
10:16more me? No, I didn't think so. What is this? Is it a snack? Oh my gosh. Do they some
10:22candy now
10:22from Timu? That'd be the perfect pick me up. Yes, they do. Sweet. It's a hundred percent natural.
10:33Did you hear me almost die? I almost died. I think it was the sound effects. Thanks. I'm
10:40gonna leave that in a public restroom for someone else. Ooh, we have a spoon. You have been poisoned.
10:46Ha ha. Can you imagine giving that in someone's tea? And then we all just laugh and have a good
10:51time and then they die. Moving on. Ooh. What is this? Oh shit. Pop that stress away. Wow. Bubble
11:00popping. Once you pop, it's tricky to stop. Pop to your heart's content with these 20 sheets
11:06of bubble wrap inspired goodness. Stop it. Oh my gosh. Just give me a minute. Oh God.
11:20Do I know what the best one is though? This one. Fudge cake with sprinkles. Having some ice cream
11:29with it. But Neapolitan ice cream because then you don't have to come in to chocolate, vanilla
11:37or strawberry. You can have a little bit of all. So do you ever have those moments where
11:43you become hyper aware of what you're doing and who you are? That's me. I also found out
11:49that Trisha Paytas and Tana Mongeau, their podcast, Trisha Paytas talked about me today. And
11:56that was so sweet because I have watched Trisha. I'm like, like literally my whole life. Like
12:00first YouTuber. It was like crazy way back when it was Shane Dawson, Onision, Trisha Paytas and
12:06Jenna Marbles. Like those were the only people that people were watching. And I have watched
12:11Trisha like through all the phases. Like, and I can recall at what phase of her life she
12:15was in, what I was doing in my life. Like it's like when you, it's like when you hear a
12:18song
12:18and you can remember exactly what you were doing the last time you heard that song. But they
12:22were talking about the infertility struggles. And, um, Trisha was like, it told, talked about
12:28Adonine and like she really knew our story. And my editor, Becca, um, she is the one that
12:34told me about it. And it just like really filled my heart that, you know, Trisha knew
12:38who I was. And she said, Tana, do you know what she was? And Tana's like, no, Tana, we
12:42took a picture together. And it's okay. I wouldn't remember me either. But I love Trisha Paytas
12:48a lot. And it's just been so crazy to watch her metamorphosis as a mother. And like, I just
12:53remember her always talking about how she couldn't have kids. And you know, she's a huge, you know,
12:57someone who I've watched go through her struggles. And it was just amazing. And it was just
13:02really inspiring. Cause sometimes I feel a little bit invisible in this big world. And
13:06I know that's crazy to hear, but I do, but it was just nice. It was, it was nice. Oh,
13:13Oh, look at these. They're just some eyeballs. You could put this somewhere and really freak
13:18somebody out. Like I need you guys to know that I'm going to do some weird things with
13:23this shit. Like I'm going to leave this in a bathroom somewhere and in the toilet. Nope.
13:28That's bad for the environment. I'm going to do something weird with this, but I'm going
13:32to have to be thoughtful. Kiss each other. Did you guys used to make your Barbies kiss?
13:37Everybody was playing house and I was like, kiss her. Ooh, heavy. Okay. Oh, what? Ew. What
13:43is this? Oh my gosh. It's a picky toy. They're sending me curse things not knowing. I'm disgusting.
13:50Oh, there's more to put in there and I can't wait. Okay. So this is one of those ears and
13:55I
13:55have to pick the blackheads out. Oh my gosh. Oh, oh my gosh. Can I like push one
14:01out? No. I love when Adam gets a good back pimple. Sorry, Adam. I'm telling them. And
14:06he's like, can you get that? And I'm like, get me the headlamp and the tweezers. I'm
14:11extracting tonight. Look at me just pulling these out. Becca does not like pimple
14:18popping and stuff. Becca, I'm so sorry. It's not real. They're plastic. I remember. I just
14:23got to clear this guy's ear. Like he must be so uncomfortable with all of these in here.
14:27Listen to the sound. Ready? Perfect. Who knows? Maybe it was his piercings. I just took them
14:34all out. Whoops. Whoa. Magic finger chopper. Is this going to chop my finger off? Yes, honey,
14:41baby child. Okay. Ready? Ow. There is an actual chopper and I hurt my finger. This is a disgrace.
14:50If I went down hard, I would have chopped my finger off. What? Oh, so you must go like
14:55that and then you go. Oh my gosh. It just moved. Oh, it was broken. So you see it.
15:03Guys, it's broken. Oh, you make it like that and then you're like, I'm going to chop my finger
15:07up. Ah. Ah. Almost chopped my finger off because of Teemu. Is it Teemu? Is it Teemu? Is it Teemu?
15:17I call it Teemu. That's what I've always heard on the advertisements. What is this? I see it's full
15:22of love. Oh shit. Now these are period panties. Why is it kind of fit though? Why is it kind
15:30of fit?
15:31I'll leave them on for you. But not for you. Okay. Okay. This is kind of heavy. Ooh, this is
15:37cute.
15:38Is this cursed because it's supposed to be witchy? 80 kinds of natural gems. Wow. Look at this.
15:43That's actually kind of incredible. 80 kinds of... We have white agate, red agate, green
15:47adventuring, rhododite, blue lace agate. They literally have all of them. Oh, moonstone.
15:52My favorite. Look at this. Ooh, labradite. That's one of my favorite working stones. My favorite
15:58working stones. Okay. Ready? Is labradite, moonstone. I like obsidian and I'm just looking at black
16:06hair crystal. That's freaking cool. Never seen that before. I just love labradite and a lot of
16:11it comes from Newfoundland. Newfoundland. Newfoundland. Oh, this is so cool. It's crazy how some of
16:16them look fake. That's going in me office. What is this? How is this cursed? It's a little wooden
16:23mouse and he's, he's at a thing reading prayers. He's a priest mouse. He's a little church mouse. Oh my
16:29gosh. A church mouse. That's cute. You can stay. Oh, video over. I'm busy. Oh shit.
16:41This is incredible. I'm going to take this on the plane and play like a child because it's
16:45adventure time. What is this? Oh, I hate it. I hate it and I want it to go away. What
16:52is that? What is this? What are you? You're someone's baby. You're ugly. But are you so
17:02ugly you're cute? Mama. I'm not your mother. Okay, I'll be your mother. Yes, I'll be your
17:09mother. I'm going to name you Agatha because you make me want to Agatha. Get it? Because you're
17:15ugly. I would never say that to a real child but this is a face only a mother could love.
17:19I'm sorry. I'm not your mother. Oh, it's a little witch frog. Now you are cute. Look
17:28at this little guy. It's like a wizard. It's like a wizarding witch frog and he's spooky
17:33and I think he's cute and he can live here or she. Welcome. Give me something real creepy.
17:39Oh, I don't like it. Ew. What are you? You look like you've diarrhea and a personality.
17:45Your name's Ria. This just feels like a cursed object. Stay away from me. Do you see him
17:53move? Oh, fine. Don't look. Hello. I am going to get you. Yes. It smells like bad chemicals.
18:02That's like a good job though. We know you are a cursed Valak. Tickle tickle tickle.
18:08Ew. Look at this ring. This ring is teeth with braces on. Look at that. It's teeth with braces.
18:15I don't like it. I hate it. It's kind of cute though. My mom would like that. I know that's
18:19weird. My mom would like that but she would. Oh, I like these. What? Whoa. Hold up guys.
18:27There's been a catast. We got a party during the day. And we got a rock star at night, buddy.
18:35Wanna kiss? I'll kiss you. I feel like if I was some kind of villain, I'd have cool glasses.
18:39These would be my villain glasses. I might need to wear these on the plane I'm going on to feel
18:44cool.
18:45I'm going to try not to talk ever again. I think it would be best for a saw.
18:48Another neon sign? What many plugs do you think I have? All right. What you got for me, baby?
18:55Ooh, it's a vampire mouth. Very me. If you know, you know. I like vampires.
19:04How is there still so much stuff? Ooh, this feels cursed. But it goes with my outfit.
19:11It's not good, is it? It's not. But we're having a good time. Ooh.
19:17Ooh. Ooh. Look, it has a penis. It's a fairy. It's a preserved fairy. But it has a penis.
19:26I don't know why it would just seem less weird maybe if it didn't have a penis. That's cursed.
19:33Ew. I have a really hard time with teeth. If you've seen some of my recent YouTube videos,
19:38I recently had teeth done and one pulled and was out for a very long time and was convinced
19:44I had a soul death. So seeing this, you know what? I can give you a little diorama on what
19:49happened to me.
19:51The doctor had gone in and done a root canal. So they removed all the juice in the canals and
19:57filled them up.
19:58Okay? But it didn't work. So then he had to go in there.
20:02Ah! Ah! I didn't like that. And he had to remove the tooth. Oh, I don't like this.
20:07And I think that really I should just get these on all my teeth. I think we should just pull
20:10out my whole mouth.
20:11I literally don't have problems in most my teeth. But a part of me is just like,
20:15let's take them all out and get rid of them forever and get dentures.
20:18What is this? Oh, this is showing a bridge maybe?
20:23Ah! I should give this to my dentist because I don't, I don't want it.
20:30I don't want it. Dentist time. Boom boom.
20:34Ooh! This is so cute! Look! It's a ghost on a swing.
20:39You can put that on like your rear view mirror or like on a little pin on your dresser. Look.
20:45Wee! Oh, I'm sorry. Let me push you well.
20:48I remember when you were kids and you just like, you just want to be like,
20:53Look right out of the, right out of the box and you've achieved all you'll achieve.
20:57Hello darkness, my old friend.
21:01Come to touch my nuts again. That's not how it goes though, is it?
21:05Ooh, what are you? Clothing? Ooh, that smells strong.
21:10Oh, the witch! That'll be a nice little 90 for me.
21:14I like the movie, the witch. I actually have a goat in my house and his name is Lucifer.
21:20No, it's not. What's the goat's name from the witch? Bobby? Someone tell me.
21:23Oh, arsenic poisoning. Oh, it's a pill container.
21:26And it says arsenic poison, antidote, mix, tincture, iron and ammonia, water or soda, dilute well and give freely.
21:35I'm going to put my blood pressure meds in there. Fun.
21:37Oh, a fake tongue. I feel like I've spent so much time on social media seeing people use these.
21:42Oh, it's, oh, you should not be putting that in your mouth.
21:45That smells like gas on fire. Oh, I'm not going to do that, but it looks like I can't.
21:50Oh, I'm going to get like an instant headache from that. That's gross.
21:53Oh wait. Oh, it's a fricking mosquito stamp.
21:56Looks like there's a mosquito on you. That's mean to do to people, but pretty funny.
22:01Oker. It's a Ouija board pin, but it says, oh, don't do it. Oh, don't do it.
22:09And then, oh, I love this. This is the, I wonder if they sent this just in case you got
22:13cursed.
22:14Oh my gosh. They're real four leaf clovers. And they've been like shrink wrapped.
22:22They've been laminated. I love them. I'm putting these right up my ass.
22:26That's it. Okay. First, whatever this blob is.
22:29What are you? A fishnet? Oh, it's a fishnet shirt. I'm a hoe. I'll wear it.
22:34I'm just kidding. You're not a hoe if you wear a fishnet.
22:36But that's what our mothers used to joke around and say, okay?
22:38This is a, this is a cylindular, so, cylindric. Oh, there is an octopus arm in there.
22:45Oh, it's hard. Why? Why do I smell? Pretty cool. Pretty cool.
22:50Um, y'all, y'all, this is an emotional support butt plug.
22:55Feeling a bit uptight or just down in the dumps?
22:58Perhaps you've had to deal with a lot of shit.
23:01I'm here and I got your back.
23:03When life feels like a real pain in the ass, I'm always all in and here to help you take
23:08things a little easier.
23:14I'm gonna keep you and I'm gonna wait for the day that someone needs you and I'm gonna give you
23:18to them.
23:19It feels like the right thing to do.
23:20Alright, last but not least.
23:24Are you all different ones?
23:27Wait.
23:28Oh my gosh.
23:30This, this is extraordinary.
23:33They won't stand!
23:35No!
23:36Fine.
23:37We're not gonna put the standing guys in.
23:38Screw y'all, go home.
23:40Oh my gosh.
23:41What an amazing note to end the show on.
23:43This is extraordinary.
23:45This is extraordinary!
23:46Thank you so much for watching my cursed mystery box video.
23:49I am gonna go to bed, but I want you to tell me what kind of things you want to
23:52see me do.
23:52Okay?
23:53I love you all.
23:54Stay spooky.
23:56I have to run from the studio to my house because it's dark and the coyotes might get me.
24:01But will they when I look this glamorous?
24:03Whatever.
24:04Bye guys.
24:09See, now I feel like I can't stop until I know all the bubbles are popped.
24:12Sorry.
24:13I can't.
Comments