FULL HOT MOVIE
Follows the plot of Pulp Fiction (1994). Scenes from other movies are also parodied.
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Follows the plot of Pulp Fiction (1994). Scenes from other movies are also parodied.
*
#watchfreemovie
#watcnow
#fullmovie
#watchonlinemovie
#freestreaming
#StreamingNow
#MovieRecommendations
#MustWatch
#ClassicMovies
#Thriller
#Mystery
#WatchOnline
#TopRatedMovies
#CinemaLovers
#DramaFilm
#ForeignFilms
#AwardWinning
#MovieOfTheDay
#InstantClassic
#FeelGoodMovies
#RetroMovies
#MovieClips
#BestCinematography
#StreamingTonight
#LateNightMovies
#RomanticDrama
#Top10Movies
#PopcornTime
#MovieMarathon
#LoveStory
#romanticmovie
#WatchFree
#FreeMoviesOnline
#FilmOfTheYear
#BestMoviesEver
#Comedy
#FunnyMovie
#mustwatchmovie
#Movie
#Film
#filme
#Movies
#FullMovies
#ActionMovies
#ComedyMovies
#HorrorMovies
#DramaMovies
#RomanticMovies
#ThrillerMovies
#EuropeanFilms
#europeanmovie
#FrenchCinema
#SpanishMovies
#ItalianFilms
#GermanMovies
#EuropeanMovieClips
#EuropeanFilmFestival
#BestEuropeanMovies
#TopEuropeanFilms
#ClassicEuropeanCinema
#EuropeanDramaFilms
#EuropeanFilmAwards
#ScandinavianMovies
#EuropeanHorrorFilms
#EuropeanComedyMovies
#EuropeanArtFilms
#EuropeanIndieFilms
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:10In 1994, an irreverent young filmmaker shocked audiences at the Cannes Film Festival with a violent, out-of-sequence new
00:00:18movie that changed the style of motion picture storytelling forever.
00:00:21That film won the coveted Palme d'Or, resurrected the career of a former Sweat Hog, made its director a
00:00:28star, and a handful of people made a shitload of money.
00:00:31The success of the movie spawned a new wave of bloody cinema that is currently sweeping the globe.
00:00:36We feel this type of filmmaking is barbaric and irresponsible.
00:00:40We fear these films will trigger more violence in an already brutal society.
00:00:44Now is the time for Hollywood to supply mankind with a more wholesome, non-violent...
00:01:05I love cappuccino. I love the taste of it. I love the smell of it. I even love the sound
00:01:10of it. Cappuccino.
00:01:11If someone held a gun to my head and forced me to choose a celebrity, any celebrity whose life I'd
00:01:16have to assume, I'd choose Al Pacino, because my name would sound like Cappuccino.
00:01:21I would choose Major Nelson for my dream of Jeannie. Having your own girl in a bottle would be fun.
00:01:28Yeah, I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you, Bumpkin?
00:01:30Your own little pin-up girl wearing nothing but hair and pants and a halter top, popping out of a
00:01:35cookie jar every time you snapped your fingers.
00:01:37It wasn't a cookie jar. It was a fancy bottle with a plug.
00:01:41A stripper in a bottle. Can you believe that? A freaking call girl in a bottle.
00:01:46And this was prime time. 7.30, right before laughing.
00:01:50Yes, Master. Right away, Master.
00:01:53If I was Barbara Eden, I would have crossed my arms and blinked Major Nelson right into a leather sling.
00:01:58Then we'd see who would be master.
00:02:02That fucking waitress.
00:02:04What's a sling?
00:02:06I can't believe how fucking stupid you are.
00:02:09Stupid is a stupid...
00:02:11You say that stupid line one more time, I'm gonna execute you and every other pancake-eating motherfucker in this
00:02:17place.
00:02:18Do you hear me?
00:02:18I'm not eating pancakes.
00:02:20I said, do you hear me?
00:02:21Yes, okay, I hear you.
00:02:24Stupid movie.
00:02:25Life is just like a box of chocolates.
00:02:29Life is just like a box of shit.
00:02:32Ah, but what do I care?
00:02:34I've just written a brilliant, violent script in the history of cinema, and somebody's actually producing it.
00:02:41Look out, Bumpkin, my star is on the rise.
00:02:44If your star is on the rise, how come they banned you from the set?
00:02:48I'll show them.
00:02:49I'm gonna get my hands on my first million bucks, and I'll make my own movie and screw all of
00:02:53them.
00:02:54Oh, actress, could you bring me another double cappuccino?
00:03:02I am not an actress.
00:03:04I am an aspiring filmmaker.
00:03:07Filmmaker?
00:03:09Wow.
00:03:10Now, why don't we do a nice, slow tracking shot of you bringing me another fucking cappuccino?
00:03:23Ow!
00:03:24That wasn't very nice.
00:03:26Well, nice doesn't get you anywhere.
00:03:28Just ask Barbara Eden.
00:03:29Ow.
00:03:34Look what I've been setting off.
00:03:37Give me that.
00:03:46Jesus Christ.
00:03:48What is it?
00:03:53Hello?
00:03:55Do I have a sign on my back that says, blow smoke up my ass?
00:03:59Crispin, sweetheart.
00:04:01Do I have a sign on my back that says, blow smoke up my ass?
00:04:04Did you put another sign on the director's back?
00:04:09No, no, there's none that I'm aware of.
00:04:11No, I do not have such a sign.
00:04:13You know why I have no such sign?
00:04:14Because I don't like having smoke blown up my fucking ass!
00:04:17Now, I got lights, I got cameras, I got actors, I got a crew, I even have a fucking cappuccino
00:04:24machine!
00:04:24But there's only one thing I don't have, Bunny.
00:04:26You know what that is?
00:04:27A script, Bunny.
00:04:28I don't have a fucking script!
00:04:30It's the first day of shooting, I don't have a fucking script!
00:04:33Now listen, unless you want me to make a movie about a couple of grips sitting around jerking off and
00:04:38eating crullers,
00:04:38you get that script down here pronto!
00:04:40That's yesterday, you fucking hear me?
00:04:42And don't you blow smoke up my ass anymore!
00:04:44I got enough smoke up my ass to elect a pope in my fucking pants!
00:04:48Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
00:04:50Pumpkin, take this to the warehouse in La Brea, in Washington.
00:04:53Okay.
00:04:54And this time, don't screw up, it's my last copy.
00:04:58Treat that script as if your life depended on it.
00:05:01Because frankly, it does.
00:05:05Uh, uh, okay.
00:05:07Love you, Pumpkin.
00:05:09I love you too, Bunny Rabbit.
00:05:14That's Roberts! Bunny Roberts!
00:05:17Fucking Richard.
00:05:21And you, Marcel, Marcel, I don't need some fucking coffee shop mime throwing attitude at me like it's fucking rice
00:05:26at a wedding.
00:05:27Now, you give me that cappuccino an hour, I'll blow that fucking bonnet-wearing head of yours right off.
00:05:31And that goes for every last motherfucking one of you!
00:05:36And that goes for every last motherfucking one of you!
00:05:52Oh!
00:05:59I don't like this!
00:06:01Oh!
00:06:05Oh!
00:06:08Oh!
00:06:09Oh!
00:06:09Oh!
00:07:59That's that Star Wars ride.
00:08:01You know what's it called?
00:08:02Uh, Star Tour.
00:08:03Right, you are.
00:08:03And all the characters are in French, too.
00:08:05You know what they call Goofy?
00:08:07What?
00:08:07Les chiens les goofs.
00:08:09You know what they call Mickey?
00:08:11You keep going, cat.
00:08:12Les Rétons Royales.
00:08:13Les Rétons Royales.
00:08:16That's groovy.
00:08:16Now, what about Dumber?
00:08:17I don't know.
00:08:19I didn't make it over to Fantasy Man.
00:08:20But I did see The Little Mermaid.
00:08:22La Petite Simone.
00:08:23Had her right out in front.
00:08:24Check this out.
00:08:25You know how in the cartoons and the commercials she's got those two shells covering her breast?
00:08:28Right, right.
00:08:30Nothing.
00:08:31Get out of here.
00:08:32These two enormous surf and turf tits just hanging out in the Disney daylight.
00:08:36Damn!
00:08:37Yeah, apparently in Europe seeing a woman's tits is like an everyday thing.
00:08:41So she's just sitting up there waving at the kids.
00:08:43Families huddled around taking her picture.
00:08:46Hair up in the bun?
00:08:47You better believe it.
00:08:48Hey, this black motherfucking hairy ass nigga got to get his ass down now.
00:08:51I'm telling you that right now.
00:08:52Check out!
00:08:57You hit something.
00:09:00Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
00:09:01Get that fucking bug off the hood of my car.
00:09:17Uh-oh.
00:09:19No page numbers.
00:09:23Fucking bug, huh?
00:09:25We should have a grenade for this type of shit.
00:09:27Maybe we can just spray them with your jerry curl.
00:09:31Say, man, this is Rio here, okay?
00:09:33Helps a nigga's hair relax.
00:09:34You wouldn't know nothing about that shit.
00:09:35Why don't you relax?
00:09:37How many of them up there, man?
00:09:38I don't know.
00:09:39The place is probably crone.
00:09:41And it only sends two of us?
00:09:42Well, you know Montello.
00:09:44Man, we should have a fucking Uzi.
00:09:48Hey, stop that!
00:09:49That's the revolutionary new pesticide you've been working on?
00:09:52Hey, man, that's gonna get this brother out of this bullshit and ass exterminating suit
00:09:55into an Armani suit.
00:09:56I might even end up with a Porsche.
00:09:58Like most fly niggas.
00:09:59Hey, Julius, it's a fucking donut.
00:10:02This is a lethal puff pastry.
00:10:05Within the walls of this flaky golden crust is a Bavarian cream laced with DDT.
00:10:12Enough to exterminate a whole tenement.
00:10:14Lay one of these suckers on your kitchen counter, you wake up the next morning, it's like fucking
00:10:17cockroach Jonestown.
00:10:18Yeah, and kill an entire family.
00:10:21Huh?
00:10:22You can't leave a fucking poisonous donut laying on the counter.
00:10:24Somebody's gonna eat it.
00:10:25And none of you tell them it's poisonous.
00:10:27Look at this fucking donut.
00:10:30We spray once.
00:10:31Oh, man.
00:10:32And that's it.
00:10:33But then they're gonna come right back.
00:10:35Uh-huh, and then we'll come back.
00:10:36That's how we make a living.
00:10:37No, that's how Montello makes a fucking living.
00:10:40I don't get paid enough for this bullshit.
00:10:43Say, you know what they call an eclair in New Zealand?
00:10:47So, what's her name again?
00:10:48Mimi.
00:10:49They say she's plumber.
00:10:50Yeah, used to be an exotic dancer.
00:10:53Montello likes his women party size.
00:10:55Oh, yeah?
00:10:56Not me.
00:10:56I don't like fat chicks.
00:10:57Yeah, right.
00:10:58I don't.
00:10:58Yeah, okay.
00:10:59Serious, man.
00:10:59Yeah, whatever.
00:11:00Fat, me, no can do.
00:11:01Uh-huh, yeah, right.
00:11:02I'm telling you.
00:11:03Well, let me tell you something.
00:11:03200 years ago, you would have been singing a whole different tune, my friend.
00:11:06Oh, that's...
00:11:06All right, yes.
00:11:07A man's prowess was measured by the size of his wife.
00:11:10The bigger, the better.
00:11:12Okay?
00:11:12Fat women were revered.
00:11:13200 years ago, that little mermaid at Euro Disney would have looked more like a free Willy.
00:11:24I hear this Mimi is a real handful.
00:11:26Remember that Kung Fu dude with the black belt and the noon chucks, Tony Krakatoa?
00:11:29Used to call him Polly Wanner Cracker.
00:11:31Little guy?
00:11:32Always smelled like cheese?
00:11:34Mm-hmm, nacho.
00:11:35Right.
00:11:36Well, word around the x-ray room is that those same noon chucks he had, he's wearing on the
00:11:39inside.
00:11:40Sets off every metal detector there is over at LAX.
00:11:42Just by driving by the place.
00:11:44All on account of a certain plump ex-stripper.
00:11:47She used to strip?
00:11:49Mm-hmm.
00:11:50Well, uh, what'd he do?
00:11:51Make fun of her?
00:11:53Helped her wax her mustache.
00:11:55She has a mustache?
00:11:57Not anymore.
00:11:58Supposedly the bitch wanted to get rid of some unsightly facial hair, convinced Tony Krakatoa
00:12:02to help her out.
00:12:03Now he's wearing two wooden sticks inside his monkey motherfucking hands.
00:12:06Shit and sawdust.
00:12:10What's her name again?
00:12:12Mimi.
00:12:13Why are you so worried about the bitch's name?
00:12:15Montello asked me to show her a good time while he's down in Tijuana.
00:12:19Show her a good time?
00:12:21No, not like that.
00:12:24Oh.
00:12:24Show her a good time.
00:12:26Ah!
00:12:28Not like that either.
00:12:30Just take her out for some coffee, keep her from getting bored.
00:12:33Woo-hoo!
00:12:34Three's my lucky number, baby.
00:12:37Nikki.
00:12:43Sounds like we caught somebody with her pants down.
00:12:45Who is it?
00:12:47Exterminator.
00:12:48Did you come?
00:12:49Come on, you two honeymooners, open up.
00:12:51You're standing in the path of the working man.
00:12:57Holy shit.
00:12:59Stay cool, Jimmy.
00:13:08We can hear you.
00:13:09You don't need to be brand like a mule.
00:13:12You just caught me and Nikki here in the middle of some real important business.
00:13:16Ain't that right, baby?
00:13:17That's right, baby.
00:13:18Real important business.
00:13:20So I guess you'll just have to come back some other time.
00:13:24Alrighty, let's go.
00:13:25Wait a second, Kato.
00:13:27So you, uh, you're asking us to reschedule?
00:13:30She ain't asking you nothing, spray boy.
00:13:33I'm telling you.
00:13:39Now pick up your fucking bug cans and get out!
00:13:45Come here.
00:13:49Mommy.
00:14:00Oh, holy shit.
00:14:01Holy shit, no.
00:14:02Holy shit is when some pissed off waitress spills coffee on your lap because you're acting like a son of
00:14:06a bitch, okay?
00:14:07Watching two inbred gun-toting psychos try to fill you with lead because you're trying to rectify an ant problem?
00:14:13That's not holy shit, my friend.
00:14:15That's not even holy fucking shit.
00:14:17You know what that is?
00:14:18That is a miracle.
00:14:21A miracle?
00:14:22That's right, I said a miracle.
00:14:24We could have been killed up there, motherfucker.
00:14:26But you know what, Jimmy?
00:14:31I've had it.
00:14:32That's right, I've had it.
00:14:33No more bug-hunting door-to-door candy-gram bullshit for me.
00:14:36And you can tell Montello that shit, too.
00:14:39From now on, he can exterminate his own fucking roaches.
00:14:42Come on, Julius.
00:14:44Exterminating's all you know.
00:14:45What are you gonna do, walk the earth?
00:14:46Hey, man, I said fuck that shit.
00:14:49I'm going to find my own way.
00:14:50Maybe I'll start my own exterminating business or something.
00:14:52And I'm exterminating anybody who can get in my fucking way.
00:14:58Your dim-witted ass out the goddamn way.
00:15:14Oh, I had that nightmare again, Valerie.
00:15:20Me too, Nicky.
00:15:22The one where Bonnie Franklin had her own TV show again?
00:15:25Oh, no, the other one, where we're forced to watch that unwatchable movie about our truly fantastic lives.
00:15:34Natural blonde killers.
00:15:36Damn that Gulliver Stone for making that convoluted film.
00:15:40Well, I look like a blonde to you, baby.
00:15:42No, you don't, sweetness.
00:15:43You're just a guy in a bad bald cap, and my hair's a black and stringy white trash mess.
00:15:49We were well on our way to becoming the most infamous homicidical maniacs this country's ever seen.
00:15:55And now look at us wallowing in obscurity as a couple of ridiculous tag-team wrestlers.
00:16:00Well, we're going to change all that tonight, sweetness.
00:16:04The Michigan Valley of Old are about to weave their most intoxicating spell over all of America.
00:16:11Once we double-cross Montello and, um, win this match,
00:16:15we'll have enough, um, money to stage the most violent and memorable comeback in serial-killing history.
00:16:22And then we get Gulliver Stone!
00:16:27Oh, no, you don't.
00:16:30None of that too, too much acid who shot Jeff Gantt.
00:16:33Let's do mushrooms with Jim Morris and shit with us.
00:16:35Not this time!
00:16:37Go on!
00:16:38You want to make a film about us?
00:16:40Then you got to do like we do.
00:16:43Just point.
00:16:46And shoot.
00:16:47You got that?
00:16:54Well, all right.
00:16:58Oh, I love you, Nicky.
00:17:00I love you, Valerie.
00:17:08Hey, yo!
00:17:10Break it up, break it up.
00:17:12Well, well, well.
00:17:15Tweedledum and Tweedledumma.
00:17:16You two finished slobberin' all over each other?
00:17:19Now, listen up.
00:17:21It's showtime.
00:17:23No more funny stuff.
00:17:25You go down inside of ten minutes,
00:17:27or I'll have the two of you roastin' over an open fire like two fucking chestnuts
00:17:30faster than you can say Nat King Cole.
00:17:32Ya gabish?
00:17:33Ya hast?
00:17:35You get it?
00:17:37Then say it.
00:17:39Hmm?
00:17:39Hmm?
00:17:40Repeat what I just said!
00:17:42Oh, uh, you got to stay on that King Cole's nuts until we're in the third round.
00:17:48And then...
00:17:48All right, all right, all right!
00:17:49Forget it!
00:17:50Just go down in the first ten minutes.
00:17:57That was quite a charm on Montella's bracelet.
00:18:01Are you thinking what I'm thinking, sweetness?
00:18:05About Pamela Anderson on that surfboard?
00:18:07No, you...
00:18:10I'm thinking that we'd snatch that briefcase on our way out of here,
00:18:15and then we could add a little insult to, um, injury.
00:18:21I love the way you think, baby.
00:18:24Let's do it.
00:18:28Dad, you think I'm sexy?
00:18:31Huh?
00:18:37You had ants, Candy.
00:18:39You had fleas in every fucking room in your house.
00:18:42Remember, you called me up, crying, saying,
00:18:45Montello, please, please take the vermin away.
00:18:48And my boys came, and you couldn't pay your extermination bill.
00:18:53So, I opened up my heart,
00:18:55allowing you to come into this dank and moldy room every night
00:19:00and take off all your clothes
00:19:02in front of drunken, low-life, pathetic, scumbag strangers
00:19:06so you could afford to pay me back.
00:19:09But that was four years ago.
00:19:12Montello, I have paid you back for that friggin' extermination.
00:19:16Did the ants ever come back, Candy?
00:19:24No.
00:19:25No, because I did my job,
00:19:28and you don't leave here until you finish yours.
00:19:41Bonjour, Rhonda.
00:19:43Jimmy!
00:19:44They let you back in the country?
00:19:47Good move.
00:19:48Say, Rhonda,
00:19:50you want to hear what they call a bartender in Albania?
00:19:52No.
00:19:53Are you sure?
00:19:54It's kind of wacky.
00:19:55Keep it in your pants, Sundance.
00:20:00So, is the, uh, big guy around?
00:20:02He's over there,
00:20:03talking to one of the strippers.
00:20:06Now, all this money might seem unfair,
00:20:09but if it's any consolation to you,
00:20:11I just took it up the butt myself.
00:20:13A couple of whacked-out wrestlers double-crossed me
00:20:16and made off with a very valuable beef case.
00:20:19So,
00:20:20do you feel good about this?
00:20:23Say it.
00:20:25We feel good about this.
00:20:27Like you mean it.
00:20:30We feel good about this.
00:20:33Good.
00:20:35Now, say it like you're underwater.
00:20:38What?
00:20:39Say it.
00:20:42We feel good about this.
00:20:46Hey, Jimmy.
00:20:47I hear you're taking Mimi out to break some bread.
00:20:51Yeah, well, uh,
00:20:52Montella wants me to spend the afternoon with her.
00:20:54Whatever you do,
00:20:55don't let her eat Mexican.
00:20:58Mexican?
00:20:59Yeah, you know,
00:20:59tacos,
00:21:00frajitas,
00:21:01anchiladas.
00:21:02Why not?
00:21:03Because that's when all the trouble starts.
00:21:06Trouble?
00:21:07Yeah.
00:21:07You didn't hear about Tony Quackatone?
00:21:10Well, I heard some things.
00:21:12All I know is,
00:21:13Mimi sends Tony out for some chimichangas, right?
00:21:16The next thing you know,
00:21:18he's packed tighter than a Japanese subway
00:21:21at rush hour.
00:21:22Hey, Jimmy.
00:21:24You want to know what they call a burrito
00:21:26over at Montella's house?
00:21:29What?
00:21:30Hey, don't, stupid!
00:21:31Haven't you been listening?
00:21:33No!
00:21:34Mexican!
00:21:36Putz.
00:21:39You strippers will do anything for a buck.
00:21:42Come on, now get out of here
00:21:43before I wet my pants.
00:21:45Come on, squeeze in, yeah.
00:21:48Nice, tinsel.
00:21:49Hey, hey, there he is!
00:21:51Jimmy Nova!
00:21:52Mr. Euro Trash himself.
00:21:54Hey, you kill any bugs for me this morning?
00:21:57I'm back on the job.
00:21:59Atta boy!
00:22:00I can see traveling around the world
00:22:02you haven't lost your touch.
00:22:03Want to hear what they call a cockroach in Botswana?
00:22:06Now, why the fuck would anybody want to know that?
00:22:10Now, look.
00:22:11This afternoon, I'm sending you out
00:22:12on your most important job yet.
00:22:14Now, you know my Mimi means the world to me.
00:22:17And if anything should happen
00:22:18to my sweet, plump, adorable little Mimi,
00:22:22I couldn't be held accountable for my actions.
00:22:25I hear you.
00:22:26Good.
00:22:28So,
00:22:29we feel good about this?
00:22:33Say it.
00:22:35We feel good about this.
00:22:37Good.
00:22:39Now, say it like there was a hot poker up your ass.
00:22:56I'm slipping into something more comfortable.
00:22:59The door's unlocked.
00:23:01Come on in and make yourself your home.
00:23:05Mimi.
00:23:07Mimi.
00:23:07Mimi.
00:23:08Mimi.
00:23:10Mimi.
00:23:11Mimi.
00:23:11Mimi.
00:23:11Mimi.
00:23:23Mimi.
00:23:25Mimi.
00:23:27I'm missing you.
00:23:41I'm missing you.
00:24:03There is that better cowboy yeah it's much better hey where the hell are you I'm gonna be another
00:24:10minute putting on my face why don't you take off your jacket and stay a while Tex all right say
00:24:18uh
00:24:19these little cowpokes room what I need to leave my horse to water what are you talking about
00:24:28I gotta take a leak all right oh knock yourself out just remember all employees must wash their
00:24:36hands before returning to work that means you partner which way right behind you first door on
00:24:46you're right hurry back so we can mamba
00:24:52yeah
00:24:54yeah
00:25:01yeah
00:25:03yeah
00:25:03yeah
00:25:03yeah
00:25:04yeah
00:25:05yeah
00:25:05yeah
00:25:10yeah
00:25:11yeah
00:25:11yeah
00:25:37Now, what did Daddy's little hitman
00:25:41bring Mimi for being so good?
00:25:48Bingo!
00:25:51Oh, my God!
00:25:53Mimi! No!
00:25:57Bring it up.
00:25:59Come on.
00:26:00Come on.
00:26:03God, buy me a drink first.
00:26:06You just swallowed that Holy Claire.
00:26:08Relax. I'll buy you another.
00:26:10No, you understand. It's...
00:26:12Stale? I know.
00:26:14But I had to have something.
00:26:15I have this little blood sugar problem.
00:26:19Didn't Montello tell you?
00:26:22So,
00:26:25how do I look?
00:26:27Uh, nice.
00:26:33Really nice?
00:26:38To keep our little date
00:26:39from becoming a complete snore,
00:26:41we have to make a little pit stop first.
00:26:43I hope you brought some protection.
00:26:45Protection?
00:26:45I have to pick something up in Van Nuys.
00:26:47How do you expect to protect me
00:26:48if you didn't bring a little beach, Starsky?
00:26:52Hey, trailer, let's go!
00:26:54Hey, trailer, let's ride us.
00:26:56This has been the worst one I've found you.
00:26:58I've seen many things I can't define.
00:27:01Oh, take your thoughts right and close your mind.
00:27:05In a sense of comfort, it's the color of wine.
00:27:08Who cares what game we choose?
00:27:12Little to win, but nothing to lose.
00:27:23Honey?
00:27:24Coming, Pookie.
00:27:25Look, who just dropped by for a quick pick-me-up.
00:27:28Mimi, you minx!
00:27:30Where the dickens have you been?
00:27:32Mimi, your new hairdo is just so much fun.
00:27:34Show it to Les.
00:27:35Les, honey, isn't Mimi's hair just F-U-M?
00:27:37W-O-W-O.
00:27:39Wow.
00:27:42Who's your friend?
00:27:44Oh, this is Jimmy Nova.
00:27:45He's my escort for the afternoon.
00:27:47He works for Montello.
00:27:50Ooh.
00:27:51Bang, bang, huh, Jimmy?
00:27:53Wild.
00:27:53Your money or your wife, huh?
00:27:55It's not what you think.
00:27:56I'm just an exterminator.
00:27:57I bet you're just murder with that magnum weapon of yours, aren't you?
00:28:00Scam.
00:28:01Ooh.
00:28:04Bang, bang.
00:28:05Oh, right through the heart.
00:28:07Ah!
00:28:08Ah.
00:28:10Well, you two didn't just come all the way over here
00:28:12just says, stand by a lava lamp.
00:28:14Mimi, wait till you see the shipment that Les just got in.
00:28:18It's some incredible stuff.
00:28:21Show me.
00:28:22This way to the beanbag.
00:28:31You are gonna love this stuff.
00:28:35Jesus, Mimi.
00:28:36This is Topolo from Colombia.
00:28:39Very rich.
00:28:41This is Choco.
00:28:43Bitter, but equally as good.
00:28:46And this...
00:28:49is Bosco.
00:28:52From the black forest of Germany.
00:28:56Hmm.
00:28:57Now, these two are the same, 45 an ounce.
00:29:01These are friend prices.
00:29:05This one...
00:29:07This one's 75.
00:29:0975 dollars?
00:29:10Is it worth it?
00:29:12Mimi, this Bosco is wild.
00:29:14It's crazy with a K.
00:29:17Okay.
00:29:18I'll take 500 dollars worth.
00:29:21Hold on a second there, Mimi.
00:29:23Look, what you do on your own time, that's your business.
00:29:26But today you're with me and I'm not driving around with a shitload of hashish.
00:29:30Are you insane, Columbo?
00:29:31It's not hashish.
00:29:33It's chocolate.
00:29:35It's black market fudge, Jimmy.
00:29:37Did he say hash?
00:29:39Jimmy, this is the valley.
00:29:42Mind if I spark some up right here?
00:29:46Please do.
00:29:47Our casa is your casa.
00:29:49Um, I can't get it open.
00:29:52Oh, they double-see them like that for customs.
00:29:54Here, help me out with this, Samson.
00:29:57I'll get an A.
00:29:58I can't get it.
00:29:59Do you have any cookies?
00:30:01Oh, slippers, give it to me.
00:30:02I need some sugar.
00:30:04Please, I'm feeling a little...
00:30:07God, Mimi!
00:30:08Oh, my God, I've killed her!
00:30:10She ate my eclair!
00:30:12Believe me, it would take a lot more than a donut to kill Mimi.
00:30:14It's her blood sugar.
00:30:15She's in shock.
00:30:16Oh, you're right.
00:30:17She told us this was going to happen.
00:30:18Les, honey, grab some orange juice from the fridge.
00:30:20Jimmy, check her bag for some dextrous.
00:30:21We're going to have to give her a shot.
00:30:23Is this it?
00:30:23Yes.
00:30:24Now, just roll her over while I figure out how to read this.
00:30:27Oh, my God, my toe's going to kill me.
00:30:29We're all going to concentrate.
00:30:30I'm going to have to make some French.
00:30:32Honey, please, flam shop.
00:30:33Just get her something sweet.
00:30:34Anything with cubes.
00:30:35Just hang in there, Mimi.
00:30:36Jimmy's not going to let you die.
00:30:37What do I do?
00:30:38Uh, locate and expose the upper forward quadrant of either gluteus maximus.
00:30:42What the fuck does that mean?
00:30:43Show us her butt.
00:30:44Thanks, Pookie.
00:30:47She's got a tattoo.
00:30:49Oh, that?
00:30:50It's actually a little map, see?
00:30:52It points away to the nearest burger world.
00:30:55Now what?
00:30:56Indicate intended point of penetration by marking the area with a large X.
00:30:59Mark it with what?
00:31:01What are you doing?
00:31:02Pink on purpose.
00:31:03Here, use this.
00:31:04Here?
00:31:05No, here.
00:31:06I believe they meant here.
00:31:08Oh, silly.
00:31:08The upper quadrant is right here.
00:31:10No, I'm positive.
00:31:11It's here.
00:31:12Get out of the way.
00:31:13Oh, ow.
00:31:14Oh.
00:31:25Mimi, say something.
00:31:30I need a cookie.
00:31:31Now.
00:31:37God.
00:31:42The least you could have done was rent a decent car.
00:31:45The least you could do is say thank you.
00:31:47Oh, for what?
00:31:48Slamming a needle halfway up my ass?
00:31:50You hit me in my eye.
00:31:52And you didn't even grab my fucking chocolate.
00:31:54That's it.
00:31:55I'm taking you home.
00:31:56No, this is my afternoon and you have to do what I want.
00:31:59You wouldn't want me to tell Montello that you've deprived me of food and nearly forces me
00:32:02work into a coma, would you?
00:32:04What is this place?
00:32:06It's the independent cafe.
00:32:07Isn't it great?
00:32:08All the waiters and waitresses dress like characters from your favorite independent movie.
00:32:12Fantastic.
00:32:13You!
00:32:14You!
00:32:15Can't eat a bucket of fuck!
00:32:18Bitch.
00:32:20Hello.
00:32:21I'm Priscilla, queen of the desserts.
00:32:23Oh!
00:32:25I'll be your waitress this afternoon.
00:32:27Table for two.
00:32:28Well, we'd like a private table so we can tell secrets.
00:32:31I understand.
00:32:33Walk this way.
00:32:35What?
00:32:36Sorry about the mess.
00:32:38We had a little incident this afternoon in the piano section.
00:32:42He had a gun and he had Jerry.
00:32:44Come, come, come.
00:32:46Wow.
00:32:46That body was real.
00:32:48Cool.
00:32:54What's this?
00:32:55Oh, that's movie karaoke.
00:32:57While you wait for your food, you can participate in scenes from your favorite movie.
00:33:01Charlie!
00:33:02They took my fucking job, Charlie!
00:33:06Sound of music.
00:33:07Watch your backs.
00:33:09Back up, cracker.
00:33:10Coffee coming through for the man.
00:33:12Do the right thing, Mookie.
00:33:15Get the fuck out of my way before I take your fucking ear.
00:33:18Boy, I'll tell you, you know, I had this tuna fish salad sandwich up my ass in two years.
00:33:25Enjoy.
00:33:26She's now retarded.
00:33:28She's deaf.
00:33:31She's just refusing to talk.
00:33:34What did the guy look like?
00:33:35Jesus Christ.
00:33:38Careful of the corpse.
00:33:39It's been free when wet.
00:33:41I can ask you about that.
00:33:42That body has no head.
00:33:47Oh, look.
00:33:47Mia Farrell and Moe Howard.
00:33:50He was the hottest stooge.
00:33:53So cruel.
00:33:55Today's specials are listed on the back.
00:33:59Oh, what's a crying game appetizer?
00:34:01Well, we tell you it's an absolutely fabulous assortment of raw fish.
00:34:05Then we bring you a hot dog instead.
00:34:07Oh.
00:34:08And the water roll platter?
00:34:10That's just a cheese sandwich.
00:34:12But it costs $270.
00:34:14Oh.
00:34:15You go ahead, Jimmy.
00:34:16I just can't decide.
00:34:18All right.
00:34:19I'll just have the Woody Allen with an extra pickle.
00:34:21I'm sorry, sir.
00:34:22That's our children's menu.
00:34:24You have to be underage to get the Woody.
00:34:27Oh.
00:34:28I'll have the El Mariachi.
00:34:31What's that?
00:34:33That's our cheapest dish.
00:34:34For about $0.99, you get two tacos, a tostada, a fajita, a burrito, an enchilada, chili rellenos.
00:34:41No, no, thanks.
00:34:42That's okay.
00:34:43No.
00:34:44We'll just have two hamburgers and some fries and a couple of cokes.
00:34:48I wanted the El Mariachi.
00:34:49Yeah, and I don't want any more trouble.
00:35:13Don't you hate that?
00:35:15What?
00:35:16Those uncomfortable silences that occur when two alluring strangers are thrown together by fate
00:35:21and their pheromones do all the talking.
00:35:24Pheromones?
00:35:25You know, those imperceptible scents that animals give off to attract a mate.
00:35:35You saying I smell?
00:35:37I'm saying that maybe one of us should think of something to talk about before our more natural instincts take
00:35:43up.
00:35:47So, I hear you used to strip.
00:35:51Strip?
00:35:51Who told you that?
00:35:53I was just going around.
00:35:54I heard Montello, I believe, mentioned it.
00:35:56My husband used the word strip?
00:35:58Well, not necessarily.
00:35:59I believe what he said was...
00:36:00Because I did not strip, okay?
00:36:02I was an exotic dancer.
00:36:04There is a big difference.
00:36:05Well, naturally there is.
00:36:06Maybe you heard of me?
00:36:07Cheri Lee?
00:36:09Cheri Lee?
00:36:10That was my stage name.
00:36:11Like the cookies and the cakes.
00:36:14Everybody doesn't like something.
00:36:17But nobody didn't like Cheri Lee.
00:36:20Jellybean.
00:36:25Now, I'm going to go powder my nose.
00:36:27And when I come back, I want you to think of a secret to tell me.
00:36:38Hello.
00:36:39Is this thing on?
00:36:40Hello.
00:36:42I had this monitor up my ass for two years.
00:36:45I had this gun up my ass for two years.
00:36:50And I liked it.
00:36:57We're going to pose as nuns whose station wagon breaks down in front of the club.
00:37:02Montello doesn't leave for the bank until around two.
00:37:04So at 1.30, they should give us plenty of time.
00:37:07I'm going to smack him in the head with this.
00:37:09You're going to grab the cash and hide it in this.
00:37:12And we're going to be out of there for good.
00:37:14No more pasties.
00:37:15And no more freaking Montello.
00:37:17No names.
00:37:18No worries.
00:37:19If you have to talk, you call me Sister Mary.
00:37:22Sister Sister.
00:37:24Sister Sledge.
00:37:26Sister Ruth.
00:37:27And Sister Betrill.
00:37:31Why do I have to be Sister Betrill?
00:37:33Because I'm the one handing out the names.
00:37:36Sister Betrill was played by Sally Fields.
00:37:37I don't like Sally Fields.
00:37:39I liked her in Smokey and the Bandit.
00:37:40Yeah, well, she was very good in Places in the Heart.
00:37:42Yep, she won a freaking Oscar.
00:37:44She made a great psycho in Sybil.
00:37:45My mother, my daughter, my mother, my daughter.
00:37:46She was way over the top in Soapditch.
00:37:48Wait, now, wasn't she a nun in Gidget?
00:37:49No, she was identical cousins in Gidget.
00:37:51No, that was Patty Hearst.
00:37:53No, it was Patty Duke.
00:37:54God, I was quiet.
00:37:56I don't want to be Sister Betrill.
00:38:00I'll be Betrill.
00:38:01Great.
00:38:02No!
00:38:03There's no switching names.
00:38:04You're Sister Betrill or you're out of here.
00:38:07But that makes me the freaking fucking flying nun.
00:38:10Deal with it.
00:38:11What's with the nuns?
00:38:13Some sort of religious jamboree.
00:38:16Perhaps they're rethinking that ninja motif.
00:38:20Hey, this is Taylor.
00:38:23You mind?
00:38:24This is a private meeting.
00:38:25Oh.
00:38:27Sorry, sisters.
00:38:29Fucking penguins.
00:38:33And Wilson twin.
00:38:38Hey, are you okay?
00:38:40Much better, thank you.
00:38:42I don't know what's taking our food so long.
00:38:44It should have been here.
00:38:45Here, have a breadstick.
00:38:46Would you relax?
00:38:47I'm fine.
00:38:49Well, ten minutes ago, you were threatening to lapse into a coma.
00:38:51Well, that was ten minutes ago.
00:38:53Now I want to do something fun.
00:38:55Fun?
00:38:56Yeah.
00:38:57I want to dance.
00:39:01Hey, I think that's a good idea.
00:39:03I believe, Montello, my husband, your boss, told you to let me do whatever I want.
00:39:07Well, now I want to dance.
00:39:09Oh, I don't really think this is the time.
00:39:10Or shall we tell my husband that you had me go into insulin shock
00:39:14so you could throw my dress over my head and play tic-tac-toe on my ass?
00:39:18Huh?
00:39:18I'm going to hang by his knees because he claims to the trees without a red team.
00:39:21Maybe in a minute, then.
00:39:23In his BBD.
00:39:25He's got a union card, and he's practicing hard to play the guitar.
00:39:29Gonna be a big star.
00:39:31Yeah, he's gonna go far.
00:39:32And Carrie Moondee's home in a jar.
00:39:35He ordered Chet's guitar core, C-O-D.
00:39:38Makes A and E, and he's working on B.
00:39:40Dixie and W and R and B.
00:39:42Me and me and a chimpanzee agree that one day soon he'll be a celebrity.
00:39:48Get it, get it, get it, get it out!
00:39:50Guitar zan!
00:39:52He's a guitar man!
00:39:55He's all you can stand.
00:39:56Give him a hand, guitar zan!
00:40:02Put me down!
00:40:04Put me down!
00:40:05I'm going to be sick.
00:40:06I'm going to be sick.
00:40:07I'm going to be sick.
00:40:07I'm going to be sick.
00:40:08I'm going to be sick.
00:40:08I'm going to be sick.
00:40:09I'm going to be sick.
00:40:13I can't believe they asked us to leave.
00:40:15I hope you didn't tip.
00:40:17People were complaining.
00:40:19Must have been the stupid nuns.
00:40:21Look, uh, maybe we should just call it a day.
00:40:24Well, we haven't even had lunch yet.
00:40:26Oh, look, look, you just passed Burrito Barn.
00:40:29Oh.
00:40:29Look, look, God, don't you have any food over at your place?
00:40:31Oh, and look, there's Taco Hut.
00:40:33They have these chimichangas.
00:40:35They're these little peanut-shaped pastries.
00:40:37Oh, God, just thinking about them gets me down.
00:40:40Maybe we could zip on over to your house.
00:40:41I could make a tuna sandwich.
00:40:44I want some gum.
00:40:45Huh?
00:40:45I said pull over so I can buy some gum!
00:40:48You're beautiful!
00:40:56What are you fucking nuts?
00:40:57Now, you ain't here, and I'll be out in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
00:41:01They shake their tails real fast.
00:41:03No!
00:41:06Toodle.
00:41:07Two minutes!
00:41:08Two minutes, and I'm going!
00:41:12Turn-offs include cruelty to animal and vain people.
00:41:16That makeup she's wearing, I'm sure, is tested on lab rats.
00:41:19That shaved muff is the ultimate form of vanity.
00:41:22Hey, clerks!
00:41:32Bigger budget.
00:41:47Oh, my God!
00:41:50It's Taco Tuesday!
00:41:56Mimi!
00:42:01Mimi!
00:42:10Hola, Jimmy.
00:42:14Mimi, your hair, you look...
00:42:17Oh, Lord.
00:42:17Mimi, you look...
00:42:29Mimi!
00:42:33Mimi, no más!
00:42:39No!
00:42:41No!
00:42:44No!
00:42:44No!
00:42:48No!
00:42:51No!
00:42:52No!
00:42:53No!
00:42:54No!
00:42:55No!
00:42:56No!
00:42:57No!
00:42:57No!
00:43:01Jesus Christ, Mimi!
00:43:03What the hell did you do that for?
00:43:04I hate that song.
00:43:08And I hate a bloody quicky mark.
00:43:11Look at this place.
00:43:13You know how much bleach I'm going to have to use to clean off this mess, you stupid American pig.
00:43:20I'll drop the gun, Mr. Buffalo Bill.
00:43:23Before I blast you and Calamity Jane here so far into next week, you'll have to time travel just to
00:43:28take a dump.
00:43:36Coming into my store and waving your big gun around like you were walking past the White House.
00:43:45Nobody shoots nobody in this quickie mart except for Jean-Claude Ennumie.
00:43:49You try to steal something, I'll shoot you.
00:43:54You read my magazines, I'll shoot you.
00:43:56You make a mess at the Lotto station using all my phone, breaking all my pens, I'll shoot you.
00:44:05But that is me. Jean-Claude Ennumie. I do all the shooting.
00:44:11And now...
00:44:15I'm going to shoot you.
00:44:19Unless you wanted to buy something first.
00:44:24Oh, merde!
00:44:25I forgot to flip the sign!
00:44:28Me te go, que te go!
00:44:29Who?
00:44:31Miss Killing will have to wait.
00:44:38What?
00:44:40You think I am some stupid American pig who's going to leave you here all by yourselves so you could
00:44:45wiggle your way free and drink on my Yahoo?
00:44:47Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:44:56I'm going to get the Gimp.
00:45:01It's middle school with Dave!
00:45:02Tim!
00:45:03Tim, go!
00:45:03Come here, Tim!
00:45:08Here, Tim!
00:45:19American people, I'm going to know.
00:45:22Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill.
00:45:27Sit, sit.
00:45:30Run over, run over.
00:45:33Good girl.
00:45:40Stay, stay, stay.
00:45:43This is terrifying.
00:45:46But the fleas, oh la la.
00:45:49And I tried everything.
00:45:50The deep, the spray, the color.
00:45:52But still, she scratches.
00:45:53Hey, who do you have to fuck around here to get a slushy?
00:45:57I'll be right there!
00:45:59Customers.
00:46:02Jesus.
00:46:04Okay, Gimp.
00:46:05Time to wash the prisoners while Jean-Claude overcharges
00:46:09some American pig for a soda.
00:46:16Now need pee, chicka-pay.
00:46:21What?
00:46:25Now what printer ain't got ain't let now free that tea in a wind.
00:46:34Tea in a wind.
00:46:36Tea in a wind.
00:46:37Tea in a wind.
00:46:38Tea in a wind.
00:46:38That's right.
00:46:39Blah, blah, blah.
00:46:40Now you keep talking like that until you make the freakin' airs bleed.
00:46:46And if that doesn't kill you, I'll be back to do the job myself.
00:46:50Hello?
00:46:51Alright, alright, I'm coming.
00:46:59Now got there got ain't.
00:47:03But now no like there, they'll eat there.
00:47:06No like now.
00:47:08Tea in a wind.
00:47:11Tea in a wind.
00:47:13Tea in a wind.
00:47:15Tea in a wind.
00:47:15Tea in a wind.
00:47:16Me and me sure little chicka-pay free ta-ta in a wind.
00:47:22No like!
00:47:23No like now!
00:47:25No like now!
00:47:28No like now!
00:47:28No like now!
00:47:30No like now!
00:47:31No like now!
00:47:32Me and Ma were out cow her from de saou.
00:47:34Me aren't on my fam too tear her.
00:47:37No!
00:47:38No like now!
00:47:40No like now!
00:47:41No like now!
00:47:42No like now!
00:47:42Then untie me and my friend's head an' be like ahead heep now!
00:47:49eat a hot nail, eat a hot nail
00:47:53feel a show now picture, lees sneeze wiki
00:47:56leenie wiki
00:47:58tata big
00:47:59tata big
00:48:03ok
00:48:04ok
00:48:08have a nice day now, you stupid american pig
00:48:12hey, papi le pew, how about a little coco bang
00:48:19oh, that's just great
00:48:22hey, the hell is that?
00:48:23you must have set the alarm off
00:48:25they help me, they don't take me
00:48:27let's get out of here
00:48:28let's go out the back
00:48:29yeah, what about the gimp?
00:48:33tata new ween, little chickpea, tata new ween
00:48:36what a moron
00:48:41watch it
00:48:42holy shit
00:48:43that's a fucking curve
00:48:45alright, out
00:48:46maybe
00:48:47drive
00:48:49alright, let's go
00:48:50out of the car, Julie Andrews
00:48:52watch it, i'm a fucking nun
00:48:56holy fuck, you're montel's wife
00:48:58fight me, ann margaret
00:49:04what is, william, this is my boyfriend's car
00:49:06oh yeah?
00:49:08oh yeah?
00:49:08well i got a message for your fucking boyfriend
00:49:14what the fuck are you doing?
00:49:16just drive
00:49:17hey, what about us?
00:49:22oh sweet jesus
00:49:24hang on
00:49:28i don't believe it
00:49:30i don't believe it
00:49:55purgatory and limbo
00:49:56well, purgatory is like mini hell
00:49:59and limbo is like
00:50:02christ
00:50:03well if i was a fucking nun i'd know
00:50:06right sisters?
00:50:15my ears
00:50:17what the fuck?
00:50:20did you kill any of them?
00:50:22no, but i got their penguin
00:50:24I know the beak is sticking me in the neck. Do I have anything on me?
00:50:32No, you look great
00:50:54Brianna, I'm losing life. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna fucking die
00:51:00And now I just lost a lens. Great. Is it bleeding to death wasn't enough? Now I lose a fucking
00:51:05contact lens
00:51:06I'm not gonna see the light. The tunnel of the lighthouse. I'm gonna go right past the light and go
00:51:10straight to hell
00:51:11Enough. You're not gonna die, okay? You're bleeding now, but everything is gonna be fine. Now come on
00:51:18Great, you just broke a nail
00:51:42Here we come
00:51:44Walking down the street
00:51:47We get the funniest looks from
00:51:51Everyone we meet
00:51:53Hey, hey, we're the monkeys
00:51:55And people say we monkey around
00:51:58But we're too busy singing
00:52:01To put anybody down
00:52:06Who's the best?
00:52:07You're the toughest, yeah?
00:52:09You're the toughest
00:52:12Get your fucking going, you stupid prick
00:52:15Sorry, sisters
00:52:19I'm tired
00:52:20I believe I will stop running
00:52:30Everything's gonna be fine
00:52:31Great, now the fucking cops are after us
00:52:34What do you mean? What happened?
00:52:36What happened? That fat chick with the magnum and the Cleopatra hairdo started taking punch on them up
00:53:09That fucking penguin right out of my hands
00:53:39Shit! Fuck!
00:53:42You're a fucking mother fucker!
00:53:45Hey, sister Petra relax
00:53:46She said I can't
00:53:47I know what she said
00:53:48And I said relax, put the gun away
00:53:51I said put the gun away
00:53:56I could win a fucking noble prize for table dancing
00:54:01Everybody's gotta keep their head
00:54:02Now what happened to sister sister and sister sledge?
00:54:05I don't know
00:54:06I didn't stick around to find out
00:54:09Fucking bullshit
00:54:10We didn't even get the fucking money
00:54:12We'll get the fucking money
00:54:14Candy, I feel dizzy
00:54:15You told her you're mean
00:54:18I can't believe you told her you're fucking mean
00:54:21She's bleeding to death
00:54:22What the fuck was I supposed to do?
00:54:24What happened to the plan, huh?
00:54:26No names, no worries
00:54:28I had to improvise, okay?
00:54:31Yeah, well, your plan sucks
00:54:33This whole none thing was fucked to begin with
00:54:38I don't want to be sister Petril
00:54:39I'll be Petril, great
00:54:41No, there's no switching names
00:54:44You're sister Petril or you're out of here
00:54:47Hey, Liz Taylor
00:54:50You mind? This is a private meeting
00:54:52Oh, sorry sisters
00:54:55Fucking penguins
00:54:56Maybe she knew all along
00:54:58Somebody had to tip her off
00:54:59I think it was sister sledge
00:55:03Speak of the devil
00:55:04Who called the cops?
00:55:06We don't know
00:55:07We think somebody's trying to fuck us up
00:55:09Yeah, well, they're doing a good job
00:55:11Sorry
00:55:12I think I smell a rat
00:55:14Sure you don't mean a bat?
00:55:16Sister, bat trail
00:55:17Why don't you close those scrawny little legs
00:55:19Give us all a break?
00:55:20You're the one that tipped off Montel
00:55:22You fucking bitch
00:55:24I got a tip for you
00:55:25You scrawny piece of trash
00:55:27You best back off ice mocha
00:55:28Before she tears you a whole new hole
00:55:30To shake at your customers
00:55:31Oh yeah
00:55:32Oh yeah
00:55:33And you shouldn't say your name
00:55:35You asshole
00:55:35You're fucked up
00:55:37I got it up
00:55:39Sister Sledge is cool
00:55:40I picked her myself
00:55:42She hates Montello more than any of us
00:55:44How do we know it's not you, Petril?
00:55:48You're the one who's running around
00:55:49Pointing all the fingers
00:55:50What the fuck you talking about?
00:55:53I supplied the fucking costumes
00:55:55Oh yeah?
00:55:57Well, I've never seen you strip
00:55:58I ain't even seen a pasty
00:56:00Yeah
00:56:01And them mosquito bites of yours
00:56:03Certainly ain't the tits of an exotic dancer
00:56:05Show us your tits
00:56:06Yeah, bitch
00:56:07Yeah
00:56:08Where'd you get this one, Sister Mary?
00:56:10I didn't
00:56:11She came to me
00:56:15Don't you fucking fuck with me
00:56:18It's been you who's been fucking with us all this time
00:56:20Drop the gun, Petril
00:56:22Make her drop it first
00:56:25Sledge
00:56:25This ain't the way
00:56:27Back off, Candy
00:56:28Don't pull that mother superior crap with me
00:56:31Put it down, Sledge
00:56:32It's for Tripp
00:56:33I know it
00:56:36You sit the fuck out of this, Sister Ruth
00:56:39Go ahead, you bloody bitch
00:56:41Let me finish ya
00:57:00Would you shut up?
00:57:01We're trying to shoot a fucking movie in here
00:57:03The fucking script would ever get here
00:57:07Enough with the fucking cappuccino
00:57:23And in the world of federation tag team wrestling a fatal upset last night at Nikki and Valerie Cox
00:57:28Defeated and inadvertently killed the famed tag team wrestling champions
00:57:32The Brothers McMullen
00:57:34The pair escaped and are currently being sought to answer to three separate charges of criminal manslaughter
00:57:39In other news
00:57:42Woohoo!
00:57:43Three's my lucky number, baby
00:57:45Oh, Montella never knew what hit him
00:57:48Oh
00:57:50Oh, that's it, baby
00:57:52Oh, yeah
00:57:54Bring that booty over here, baby
00:57:58Ow
00:58:03So what are you saying?
00:58:04A man can't pull a piece of melted wax off a bitch's face without it meaning something?
00:58:07What I'm saying is Mimi's mustache is between Mimi and Montello
00:58:10Mm-hmm
00:58:12Now let's just suppose you and this Mimi go out to a fancy restaurant
00:58:14All right
00:58:14The bitch orders eggs Florentine
00:58:16Got it
00:58:16She gets a piece of spinach caught on her upper lip
00:58:18You mean to tell me you wouldn't help her?
00:58:21Spinach and pubic hair ain't the same thing
00:58:22Man, what you talking pubic hair, man?
00:58:24This ain't no fucking pubic hair, motherfucker
00:58:26Pulling a piece of wax off a person's face ain't shit
00:58:29I used to shave my mother's back before they sent her off to the asylum
00:58:32Really?
00:58:33Hey, you ever shave a guy's back?
00:58:37Does prison count?
00:58:38Outside of prison
00:58:42Fuck you
00:58:43Huh, have you?
00:58:44Fuck you
00:58:46Our star is on the rise, Nikki
00:58:48We are surrounded by angels that are converging on this moment in, um, time
00:58:55To help us realize our destiny
00:58:57You're just throw a tree in motion, baby
00:59:01I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as Nikki
00:59:12Um, baby
00:59:13Um, you know
00:59:15I can't wait till tomorrow
00:59:17Why don't we just pack our stuff
00:59:19And go look for Gulliver Stone now?
00:59:23Sweet little Nikki
00:59:24You're just a murdering fool, aren't you?
00:59:29All right
00:59:29Let's do it!
00:59:34It's Montello
00:59:35We're gonna fucking die
00:59:36We're gonna fucking die
00:59:38Would you shut the fuck up?
00:59:40Get off!
00:59:41Who is it?
00:59:43Exterminator
00:59:45Did you call the exterminator?
00:59:47Uh, well, I saw that big spider again lately
00:59:49We're on the lam, Nikki
00:59:50We can't have nobody snooping around in here
00:59:53You stupid bitch
00:59:54Well, what are we gonna fucking do?
00:59:55Come on, you two honeymooners
00:59:56Get your gun
00:59:57Let him in out of the hallway
00:59:59Before somebody calls the fucking cops
01:00:18We can hear you
01:00:19No need to be braying like a mule
01:00:21You just caught me and Nikki
01:00:23Here in the middle of some real important business
01:00:25Ain't that right, baby?
01:00:27That's right, baby
01:00:27Real important business
01:00:30So I guess you'll have to come back some other time
01:00:34All righty, let's go
01:00:35Wait a second, Kato
01:00:38So you're asking us to reschedule?
01:00:40She ain't asking you nothing, spray boy
01:00:44I'm telling you
01:00:47Now pick up your fucking bug cans and get out!
01:00:51Does this seem familiar to anybody?
01:00:53Hmm, deja vu
01:00:55I didn't ask you a goddamn thing!
01:00:59You are standing in the way of the working man
01:01:01So?
01:01:02So, so my ass, Uncle Fester
01:01:05So
01:01:06So a needle and a thread
01:01:08La
01:01:09A note to follow motherfucking so
01:01:11T
01:01:12The letter in the alphabet I use to describe the way I square off in your motherfucking ass
01:01:19Which brings us back to
01:01:21So
01:01:22I thought it was dope
01:01:24So?
01:01:26Get you the point, bug man!
01:01:28The point is, is that me and my partner here, we represent the plight of the righteous working man
01:01:33We are here to do our job
01:01:36And we take orders from one person
01:01:38Our boss, Montello
01:01:40Oh shit, baby, that worked for Montello!
01:01:43This is so bad!
01:01:44Well, do something, baby!
01:01:45Come on!
01:01:47Give me this, you hairy armpit face
01:01:48Shoot them, Nicky!
01:01:50Shoot them!
01:01:53Shoot them!
01:01:53Oh!
01:01:55Oh!
01:01:57Come on!
01:01:59That burned
01:02:00No
01:02:01You're a lousy shot
01:02:03Well, my glasses fogged up, baby
01:02:05Grab everything!
01:02:06We are leaving now!
01:02:10Nicky
01:02:11Baby
01:02:12Where's Montello's briefcase?
01:02:16It's there
01:02:17I don't see it.
01:02:19No, I put it on the dresser underneath your copy of Extra Chromosome magazine.
01:02:24Well, here's the magazine, but I don't see no briefcase.
01:02:28Well, did you look for it?
01:02:29Of course I looked. What do you think I'm doing here?
01:02:33Are you sure you brought it?
01:02:35I'm sure.
01:02:38You don't sound sure.
01:02:41I'm pretty sure.
01:02:43Well, either you're sure or you're not.
01:02:47So which is it?
01:02:50I'm not sure.
01:02:53God damn it, Nicky!
01:02:55You are bad, bad, bad, bad, bad!
01:02:59Well, if you hadn't have made a stop for pancakes after the match...
01:03:03No! No! Don't you blame this on me!
01:03:06God!
01:03:08Wait a minute.
01:03:12Pancakes.
01:03:14I left it in the booth at the diner.
01:03:18Well, get your gun.
01:03:20We're going back.
01:03:21Well, our story's all over the news now.
01:03:26Great.
01:03:28Let's go back and write them another chapter.
01:03:31And that goes for every last motherfucking one of you!
01:03:37And that goes for every last motherfucking one of you!
01:03:43Damn already!
01:03:44Jesus!
01:03:47Yo, bro.
01:03:48It's the brown billfold.
01:03:49I know which one it is.
01:03:51Bro, how'd you know which one it was?
01:03:53Because it's the one that says, cheap motherfucker on it.
01:03:57If the shoe fits, bro.
01:03:59And don't bother coming back till you learn how to tip.
01:04:04Hello.
01:04:05Hello.
01:04:06I'm Priscilla.
01:04:07I'm Priscilla.
01:04:07Queen of the deserts.
01:04:08We know.
01:04:09We were here last night.
01:04:10Don't you ever go home, fruit ball?
01:04:12I'm working a double.
01:04:14Whatever.
01:04:16Listen.
01:04:19Piehead.
01:04:20We left a briefcase.
01:04:22Never mind her, Nikki.
01:04:26I've already found it.
01:04:28Oh, well, looky here, Valerie.
01:04:30Some over-caffeinated patron of this fine dining establishment has located our briefcase for us.
01:04:35Hand over the briefcase, Java girl, before we decide to decaffeinate you.
01:04:39You two skinheads take one more stuff, and I'll blow your fucking white trash heads off.
01:04:45You don't know who we are?
01:04:47No.
01:04:48Damn it, Gulliver Stone.
01:04:50Say your prayers, coffee breath.
01:04:52I'm gonna feel you so full of lead, you'll look like a number two pencil fucker.
01:04:57Aw, damn it, Nikki.
01:04:59Oh, shit, baby.
01:05:00Look, I fucked up.
01:05:01I didn't put the bullets in the gun.
01:05:02You stupid bitch!
01:05:05Prepare to meet your maker.
01:05:07Maybe he'll know who the fuck you are.
01:05:16Holy shit, it's that spray boy.
01:05:19W-what the fuck's he doing with your gun, baby?
01:05:21I'm in a transitional period, thanks to both of y'all's lousy-ass aim.
01:05:26Now hand over the briefcase.
01:05:28Jesus Christ, baby!
01:05:29Oh, this is so bad!
01:05:31No, no, no, fuck it.
01:05:32I'm gonna give it to him.
01:05:32Don't give it to him, Nikki!
01:05:34The briefcase is ours.
01:05:35He's gonna put a bullet in Kojak's fucking ass if he don't hand over the briefcase.
01:05:39Let's go.
01:05:39Do something, baby!
01:05:40Do something!
01:05:41Don't you touch him, Bugman, or you're gonna fucking die and die and die again!
01:05:46Oh, I'm gonna wet myself!
01:05:47Tell Yule Brenner to chill!
01:05:50Tell him!
01:05:51Chill, Yule Brenner!
01:05:54Tell him to be cool.
01:05:55Tell him to be cool.
01:05:57Say it!
01:05:59No!
01:05:59Be cool, Nikki!
01:06:01I'm going number two.
01:06:02That's it.
01:06:03I'm just going.
01:06:03That is so gross!
01:06:05Yeah, Nikki.
01:06:06That's right.
01:06:07We're all gonna be like little Vinnie Barbarino's.
01:06:09And what was Vinnie Barbarino?
01:06:11Wise ass.
01:06:12Well, all of the sweat hogs were wise asses, but they all had their own distinct characteristic.
01:06:16Like Horshack, he was a nerd.
01:06:18And Boom Boom Washington, he was very suave.
01:06:21He was also in Cooley High.
01:06:22I ain't seen him in shit since.
01:06:23I know.
01:06:25What happened to him?
01:06:25I loved him.
01:06:26You're so good in that.
01:06:27You know, he did go on to do a television movie.
01:06:29He played Michael Jackson's father.
01:06:30He was very good.
01:06:31He doesn't work enough.
01:06:31Hey!
01:06:32What was Vinnie Barbarino like?
01:06:35Cool?
01:06:36That's right.
01:06:36He was cool.
01:06:37So we're all gonna have to just be cool or Buffy and Jody get a couple of bullets in
01:06:41their motherfucking ass.
01:06:42Now open up the briefcase.
01:06:46We'll open it, but we own what's inside.
01:06:56It's an original.
01:06:58It's classic.
01:07:00Well, what is it?
01:07:02Oh, it's a welcome back Cotter lunch box.
01:07:06Very rare.
01:07:07Very hard to find.
01:07:08And little yellow glowy things.
01:07:10But the box is in mint condition and we know we could get a pretty penny for it.
01:07:15You damn right.
01:07:17There's a lot of money in that box.
01:07:19That's why we're keeping the box.
01:07:21We're keeping the box.
01:07:22Oh, you can have the box.
01:07:24You and Mr. Penishead.
01:07:25I'm just gonna help myself to what's inside of it.
01:07:34Like I said, there's a lot of money in that lunch box.
01:07:38You can have that shit now.
01:07:40But let me tell you, it ain't worth a damn thing without the thermos.
01:07:44Are you flirting with me?
01:07:46Oh, shit!
01:07:47Oh, shit!
01:07:50Oh, shit!
01:07:52Oh, shit!
01:07:52Oh, shit!
01:07:52Oh, shit!
01:07:52Oh, shit!
01:07:53We gotta get out of your way!
01:07:54I gotta get out of here!
01:07:55Now!
01:07:57With the exception of a few silver fish in the men's room, this restaurant is now vermin-free.
01:08:05Here's for the pancakes.
01:08:07If the police stop by, you just tell them that this restaurant has been exterminated.
01:08:16You can turn it up.
01:08:17You can turn it up.
01:08:38You can turn it up.
01:08:42You can turn it up.
01:08:43And I know they win.
01:08:46It still is on and on.
01:08:49Somebody should've filmed this shit!
01:08:51Somebody should've filmed this shit!
01:08:52Somebody should've filmed this shit!
01:08:53Probably be nominated for an Oscar.
01:08:55Unless, of course, the filmmaker was a Black man.
01:08:56He was a Black man.
01:08:57He was a brother.
01:08:58Then he won't be nominated for shit.
01:09:00They won't even show his tuxedo-wearing ass during the telecast.
01:09:02Is it easy, but I'll try.
01:09:05Oh, my god.
01:09:09If you are with this guy's question,
01:09:13Come on, come on, come on, Bunny, answer the fucking phone.
01:09:30Why don't you go on, you fucking dweeb?
01:09:34Houston, we have a problem.
01:09:38Will somebody help him with the fucking script?
01:10:10Now we're going to feed Phil.
01:10:15What did you say?
01:10:17Nobody knows. Nobody cares.
01:10:19She works for free, makes a hell of a cappuccino.
01:10:21Nice job.
01:10:25It's a home. It's a home.
01:10:29Check it be.
01:10:31Finally, the script.
01:10:34Wait a minute.
01:10:35What the fuck?
01:10:37The script is totally fucked.
01:10:39I know, I know.
01:10:40I tried to put it all back together,
01:10:41but I couldn't.
01:10:42It's all messed up.
01:10:43It doesn't make any sense.
01:10:45I know.
01:10:47I love it.
01:10:48You do?
01:10:49Who cares what comes when?
01:10:51That's so mainstream.
01:10:52As long as it's bloody and violent.
01:10:56Maxwell, we're going to shoot this.
01:10:58I have another script I'm planning to drop.
01:11:07How do you feel now, Gini?
01:11:13Fabulous.
01:11:19Let's run for the border.
01:11:30I'm in the mood for some fried chicken.
01:11:32Give me the wheel.
01:11:33Give me the wheel.
01:11:33No, no, no.
01:11:34I'm going to hit the side.
01:11:36Damn, don't you stop me.
01:11:39Come on.
01:11:40Come on.
01:11:40I'm so excited.
01:11:43You're so excited.
01:11:49How did you come from, baby?
01:11:53How did you know I needed you?
01:11:58How did you know I needed you so badly?
01:12:02How did you know I'd give my heart gladly?
01:12:06Yesterday, I was one of the lonely people.
01:12:11Now you're lying, come for me, make it look to me.
01:12:15Give me your hand.
01:12:16No one's going to die here.
01:12:17You give me your hand, no one's going to die.
01:12:19Maybe over there someone's going to die, but no one's going to die here.
01:12:25All right, and she gets a piece of spinach caught on her lip.
01:12:27You mean to tell me you ain't going to help her?
01:12:29Spinach and pubic hair ain't the same thing.
01:12:31Man, what the fuck are you talking pubic hair?
01:12:33Cut it, cut it, cut it.
01:12:34It took over a while.
01:12:35It ain't going to work.
01:12:36It ain't going to work.
01:12:37Keep going, guys.
01:12:37Keep going.
01:12:37I'm going to focus now.
01:12:38Bring it back.
01:12:39Motherfucker, what are you talking pubic hair?
01:12:40That don't mean shit.
01:12:41Move it, shit.
01:12:43Oh, man.
01:12:44I can't even tell you something.
01:12:45Cut it, back to life.
01:12:47Oh, fuck.
01:12:47Come on.
01:12:51Did you know you're everything I prayed for?
01:12:55Did you know every night and day for?
01:12:59Every day, needing love and satisfaction.
01:13:03Now you're lying next to me, giving up to me.
01:13:07I'm believing miracles.
01:13:17Here's De Niro and Frankenstein.
01:13:19Did you fuck my bride?
01:13:20Did you fuck my bride?
01:13:22I think you did.
01:13:24You've been fucking my bride.
01:13:25Huh?
01:13:26Well, you're a lousy shot.
01:13:29My glasses fogged up, baby.
01:13:31I was thinking, go ahead.
01:13:32Hit me.
01:13:33Grab everything.
01:13:34Okay, we are leaving now.
01:13:38Shit, shit, shit.
01:13:40Pumpkin, visit Sound of the Warehouse at La Bray in Washington right away.
01:13:43Okay.
01:13:45And this time...
01:13:50And this time, don't screw it up.
01:13:54Smokin'.
01:13:54Where are you from?
01:13:57You sexy thing.
01:13:58So thank you.
01:14:00I've been eating milk off.
01:14:03Since you came along.
01:14:06You sexy thing.
01:14:07Oh, touch me.
01:14:12Kiss me, honey.
01:14:16Another way for me, baby.
01:14:22I'd like to sing a few songs for you.
01:14:27My rendition, a Christmas song, brings memories.
01:14:34But our story's all over the news.
01:14:37Good.
01:14:38Let's go back and write them in.
01:14:48I'm a human being.
01:14:51Maltin' animals.
01:14:53I'm your good man.
01:14:55That's what I am.
01:14:57I'm here to do whatever I can.
01:15:02Be it early morning.
01:15:04Late afternoon.
01:15:05Or at midnight.
01:15:08It's never too soon.
01:15:21You know what?
01:15:24You know how in the cartoons and the commercials,
01:15:26they got those little shells covering their breasts?
01:15:28Right, right.
01:15:29They had nothing.
01:15:30Yeah, just those surf and turf titties
01:15:32hanging out in the Disney daylight.
01:15:34Get out of town, babe.
01:15:35You gotta be kidding me.
01:15:36You know they do that in Vegas.
01:15:38Just nothing up top, man.
01:15:40It's heavy.
01:15:40I can only see it with one eye, though, babe.
01:15:43Slowly.
01:15:44I'd pull a cream puff out of my cleavage
01:15:46and then I'd eat it.
01:15:49Gotta pull off my U-U's.
01:15:59Two big runny handfuls of peach cobbler.
01:16:02I wanna see you
01:16:04Don't wanna go see
01:16:06I wanna take my home
01:16:08All through you
01:16:12Cut.
01:16:13We're clear.
01:16:14You're buying it, Jimmy.
01:16:22I'm a boogie man.
01:16:25I'm your boogie man.
01:16:29You're eating what you want.
01:16:31I'm a boogie man.
01:16:32I'm a boogie man.
01:16:33Turn me off.
01:16:35I'm a boogie man.
01:16:36I'm a boogie man.
01:16:37I do what you want.
01:16:39I'm your boogie man.
01:16:41That's what I am.
01:16:44Hello, I'm Priscilla.
01:16:47Queen of the deserts, we know.
01:16:49We were here last night.
01:16:51Don't you ever go home, Fruity?
01:16:52I'm working a double.
01:16:54Whatever.
01:16:56Listen.
01:16:59Pumpkin head.
01:17:01Big lips.
01:17:03Pie head.
01:17:04Fat lips.
01:17:06Pie head.
01:17:08Juicy.
01:17:10We had this briefcase.
01:17:13Hey, guys.
01:17:19Stay cool and open up a briefcase.
01:17:22We'll open it, but we...
01:17:25We got it.
01:17:26We got it.
01:17:42We got it.
01:17:48We got it.
01:17:54Whatever.
01:17:55We got it.
01:17:57Fa-la-la-la-la. La-la-la-la. I'm Jimmy.
01:18:01What? Christmas.
01:18:02This guy sucks.
01:18:04Excuse me. Whoa. Where are you going?
01:18:07We'll leave.
01:18:08Excuse me. You don't like my singing?
01:18:10You suck.
01:18:11Fuck you, asshole.
01:18:15Hair up in a bun, his titties just hanging out?
01:18:17You better believe it.
01:18:18I love it, babe. Used to do that with Italian chicks in Vegas.
01:18:22Lost my marble over it.
01:18:28I'm your blue-to-day.
01:18:32I'm your blue-to-day.
01:18:37I'm your blue-to-day.
01:18:41I'm your blue-to-day.
01:18:53This has been one long, mixed-up,
01:18:56crazy out-of-sequence kind of day.
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