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00:01Thank you so much for meeting with us.
00:03Yeah, of course. It's my pleasure.
00:05Who is this guy?
00:06It's the tax attorney Samantha and Jay Hire to review the IRS's case against Jay.
00:11No, this guy with the earrings.
00:13That's Jay.
00:14Now, just to get things straight, Mr. Arondecker,
00:17you are a chef who decided to also pursue a career as a financial analyst.
00:21Yep, yep, that's right.
00:22And instead of pursuing this additional career as yourself,
00:25you chose to illegally earn income
00:27but not pay taxes under the assumed identity of Michael Jackson.
00:32Yeah, that was a weird choice on my part.
00:34Have I said sorry enough to Jay?
00:36Husbands, first they leave the toilet seat up,
00:38then they commit tax fraud under an assumed identity.
00:41Right.
00:42Now, it's unlikely that the IRS will refer this case to the DOJ,
00:45which means no prison time.
00:47Yes, okay, we like no prison time.
00:49As long as you pay the back taxes, penalties, and fines in a timely manner.
00:53So you need to remit $220,000 to the IRS by the end of the month.
00:57Damn, Trev, that's some Capone-level tax evasion.
01:00I'm impressed.
01:01We don't have anywhere close to that much.
01:04What about offloading some of your personal assets?
01:07Have you considered selling your property?
01:08Sell my estate?
01:10Oh, I'll give him a piece of my mind if he ever happens to buy on St. Patrick's Day.
01:14We are not selling Woodstone.
01:15Well, then you better come up with another way to make a lot of money very fast,
01:19or you're in big trouble.
01:21I hate to keep beating a dead horse.
01:24I'm not selling feed pics on the Internet.
01:27Okay.
01:34So, Sam, heard you're in financial ruin.
01:38Probably karma biting you in the patootie for junking our old beloved water heater.
01:43That's right.
01:44I was over it for a minute, but two weeks without the gurgle has me peeved.
01:50Nancy, what were they supposed to do?
01:51They didn't have any hot water.
01:53Well, I never had any hot water, and I turned out just fine.
01:57You died of cholera.
01:58Very likely tied to the fact that you didn't have access to running water.
02:01Oh, whatever.
02:02More gotcha journalism from the upstairs elite.
02:06I'm out of here.
02:07How are we elite?
02:09I mean, I did have a members-only jacket.
02:11Well, Jay, the good news is just about everything we put up for sale online sold.
02:16He got $45 for the Boba Fett.
02:18All I ask is that before you ship it, I get a chance to say goodbye.
02:21At what moment in history did it become acceptable for adult men to have toys?
02:25I'm genuinely curious.
02:26What's going on here?
02:28Samantha and Jay are selling whatever measly possessions they can
02:31in a futile attempt to repay the government.
02:34Oh, the Woodstones.
02:36Once we owned factories, and now we peddled space toys.
02:39Huh.
02:40I got a missed call from Brett.
02:42The Brettonator?
02:43You're still in touch with Trevor's old boss?
02:45Yeah, he thought the whole Michael Jackson double life thing was baller.
02:48And he's a sneakerhead, so I reached out to him about buying my collection.
02:52Shoes.
02:53We're selling our shoes.
02:54I'm gonna try them back.
02:58What's up?
03:01Hey, Brett.
03:02I saw that you called, which I assume means you were interested in those sneakers.
03:05Uh, no.
03:06I actually found that very weird and sad that you sent me that.
03:09I did not like that.
03:10Oh, okay.
03:11But look, I get it.
03:12You tried to double dip, you paid the price.
03:14The good news is, you need cash, and I have an opportunity for you.
03:18Now, it's not exactly legal, but I can't imagine that's too much of a deal breaker for a bad boy
03:23like yourself.
03:24He has a way for us to get some money, but it's not exactly legal.
03:28Oh, no.
03:29He's gonna ask to use Jay like a sushi tray.
03:31Hmm.
03:32I doubt it.
03:33But if it would save my house, I say take off those clothes and fill that belly button with soy
03:38sauce.
03:39What exactly does he have in mind?
03:41Hello?
03:42Are you there?
03:43What do you say?
03:44Yeah.
03:45I'm listening.
03:48Okay.
03:49Right.
03:50Here.
03:52This is where they want it?
03:53That's what Sam texted me.
03:54But why do they want a chair just all by itself in the middle of this creepy basement?
03:58I don't know.
03:59They said it's supposed to be some sort of a zen space.
04:01Yeah, I guess it's sort of peaceful.
04:06What's all this?
04:07Well, as you know, Sam and Jay have been frantically selling all of their possessions, but they were unable to
04:12find a buyer for this recliner.
04:13So we said, why not give it to the basement ghosts?
04:16We know nothing will replace your old water heater and its beloved intermittent gurgle.
04:21But maybe in the meantime, this chair will provide some small measure of comfort.
04:27Oh, boy.
04:28They may not know what a chair is.
04:30Uh, you guys know about the concept of sitting, right?
04:34We know what chairs are.
04:35Yeah.
04:36A guy in my village had one.
04:38We're just not really chair type of people.
04:40Well, why not just give it a shot?
04:43You know, maybe you'll like it.
04:44I suppose it couldn't hurt to try it just this once.
04:52Oh.
04:53So how is it?
04:55It's the greatest pleasure I've ever known.
05:00Better than that one time when you ate a berry?
05:03Better than the berry.
05:05Oh!
05:09All right.
05:09Well, let me just talk it over with Sam and I'll get back to you.
05:12Okay.
05:13Thanks, Brett.
05:15Innater.
05:16Well?
05:17Okay.
05:17So basically, Brett is a regular in an underground high stakes poker game.
05:21Underground?
05:22I wonder if patience is in it.
05:24I know about this game.
05:25Brett used to always invite me, but I could never go because of obvious can't leave the property reasons.
05:30So what does he want from you?
05:32He wants us to host the game.
05:34The last venue got busted and they're looking to move it somewhere with less heat.
05:38Oh, I don't like the sound of that.
05:39Well, he did say we get a sizable hosting fee like 10 grand.
05:42Jay, that won't even make a dent in what we owe.
05:45You're thinking too small, Sam.
05:46The real money is what you're gonna win at that poker game.
05:48They are not good at card games, lest we forget the go fish paper cut incident.
05:53Do I need to spell this out for y'all?
05:55You got ghosts.
05:56We can help you cheat.
05:58Now, Trevor, this game has some high rollers, right?
06:00Oh, yeah.
06:01Loaded with whales.
06:02Not that kind of whale.
06:04With us ghosts telling you what cards everyone has, you literally can't lose.
06:08Oh, I don't know.
06:09That seems unethical.
06:10Hmm?
06:11The ghosts are saying we could use them to cheat at poker.
06:13Really?
06:14But where will the players sit?
06:16In giant tanks of water?
06:18How do they hold the cards in their flippers?
06:20She's back to the wrong kind of whale.
06:22Okay, on the one hand, it does sound dangerous.
06:25But then, on the other hand, if we don't get the cash to pay for the fines and the back
06:29taxes,
06:30I could go to jail, which also sounds dangerous.
06:33So, what are you saying?
06:35I'm saying shuffle up and deal.
06:37Let's host an illegal poker game.
06:39Yes!
06:40You will not regret this.
06:41I mean, you might, but whatever.
06:43I'm excited.
06:468 and 9 and 10.
06:50Time's up, Nigel.
06:52Just a little longer.
06:54Hey, I counted up to 10 several times, which I know how to do because of my full year of
06:59schooling.
07:00You heard the lady.
07:02It's time to give someone else a turn.
07:04Like me, perhaps?
07:05You already had a turn, creepy Dirk.
07:08Exactly.
07:09The rest of you don't even know what you're missing.
07:11So, it's far more tragic when I'm not in the chair.
07:15How's it going, basement buddies?
07:16We need more chairs.
07:18Sounds like our gift was a big hit.
07:20Oh, stop patting yourselves on the ass and start rounding up some chairs.
07:24They got a ton of furniture up there.
07:26We'll take 10 chairs and another 10 chairs.
07:30You want 20 chairs?
07:32No one knows what that means, Pete.
07:34Just get us some damn chairs.
07:36We're sick of taking turns.
07:38We need help.
07:39Okay, okay.
07:40We'll go upstairs and see what we can do.
07:41I'll go with just to make sure you little hiney holes don't screw it up.
07:47Doesn't 11 come after 10?
07:50Shut your pie hole, Copernicus.
07:53This is the guy I was telling you about.
07:55Top notch chef by night, financial analyst using an assumed name by day.
08:00How baller is that?
08:01Well, you know I love analyzing stocks and having people not know it was me.
08:07Love that Brett still thinks that Jay slash me is a baller, especially after all that's gone down.
08:12That's a true friend.
08:14So how exactly does this work?
08:16I mean, I've seen Molly's game.
08:18Are you like the Molly?
08:19This is just the casual gathering among friends.
08:22Now, if you'll both grab a wall, I'll need to pat you down for wires.
08:27So these are the high rollers.
08:30Oh, this is exciting.
08:31Run me through the roster.
08:32It's everyone you'd want in an illicit high stakes poker game.
08:35There's Boris, the intimidating Russian.
08:38Irene, the Miami snowbird with a dark past.
08:42And who's that guy?
08:43He looks like a child.
08:44Is that young Sheldon?
08:46Yeah, that's the actor who played him, Ian Armitage.
08:50What's up?
08:51I'm Ian.
08:52Oh, yes.
08:53You're a child actor.
08:54I was a child actor.
08:56I'm sort of going through a rebrand right now.
08:57I just got cast in a pretty gritty poker movie.
09:00So I'm here to do research.
09:02Okay.
09:03My agent's comparing it to when Elizabeth Berkley did Showgirls, because it's edgy.
09:07I'm edgy now.
09:08Hey, Ian, here's your apple juice.
09:11You know what?
09:12No, apple juice is what I used to drink.
09:15I'll take a Pepsi.
09:16Straight up.
09:17You got it.
09:20Hey, just wanted to talk to you guys.
09:22Make sure we all know the plan.
09:24She's doing that thing where she talks on the phone, but she's really talking to us.
09:27Oh, that's a good bit.
09:28We haven't done that in a while.
09:29So, we know what we're doing.
09:30We all set?
09:31Sure are.
09:32I've assigned each coaster player whose cards they will watch.
09:34Everyone knows their man and is ready to go.
09:36Wait, I didn't get assigned anyone.
09:40Well, there aren't any left.
09:42But there's five of us and five players aside from Sam.
09:46Yeah, but I'm taking two players, so you get it.
09:49Right, but why would you take two?
09:51God, she is lucid at the most annoying times.
09:53Sam, do you not want me to help?
09:55Do you not think I'm smart enough?
09:57I just didn't want you to have to worry about anything.
09:59I wanted you to enjoy yourself at the party.
10:01It's nothing against you, Flower.
10:03There's just way too much riding on this.
10:05I see.
10:08That was difficult, but it needed to be done.
10:12Hey, guys.
10:13Ooh, it was a poker thing.
10:15Can I help?
10:16Eh, now we have to do it again.
10:19It's crazy.
10:20It's like I'm standing, but with my butt instead of my feet.
10:25That's just sitting.
10:26You're describing sitting.
10:28Okay, guys, I've got bad news.
10:31It's a big no on the new chairs.
10:34Apparently, they offloaded a lot of extra furniture
10:36at that Halloween yard sale a couple years ago,
10:38and they don't want to part with any of the stuff
10:41they're currently using.
10:43Let's give them all cholera.
10:45Okay, we can't always jump right to giving everyone cholera.
10:49Plus, they're doing this poker cheating thing
10:52to try to save the house, so we don't want to do anything
10:54that would threaten our continued access to the living butler.
10:58Yeah, it's kind of like cutting off your nose
11:00to spite your face.
11:02Hey.
11:03Sorry, noses Brad.
11:04It's just an expression.
11:06So what are we going to do?
11:07Oh, this is bull crap.
11:09Why do we all have to share a chair?
11:11I'm with you guys.
11:12No more turns.
11:14It's time for the law of the jungle.
11:18What does that mean?
11:20It means might makes right, and that chair is mine.
11:26God!
11:27No!
11:27I'm not moving!
11:29I'm taking it!
11:30You wish!
11:32Stop!
11:33Help!
11:38Hi, Ian.
11:39Do you mind if I get a quick pic?
11:40My mom is a huge fan.
11:42Sort of playing poker here, man.
11:44Okay.
11:45Sir, get your butt away from the table.
11:48Sorry.
11:50Check.
11:51She got two pairs.
11:52Sam, you got her beat.
11:54Hmm.
11:56I got a thousand.
11:58I call.
12:00Let's see what you got.
12:02Three pretty ladies.
12:03You're a good wolf.
12:05Sorry, Irene.
12:07Yes.
12:09Hey, check it out.
12:11I wear cologne now.
12:12I got it at Nordstrom.
12:13Adult men's section.
12:14Okay, Sam.
12:15It's just you and Boris left in this hand.
12:17This would be a big opportunity for you to clean him out.
12:20Isaac, what does Boris have?
12:22He looked too quickly before.
12:23I wasn't able to catch it.
12:24But he always checks again after the river.
12:26I know the lingo.
12:28Okay.
12:29Well, here's the river.
12:30What's he got, Isaac?
12:34Oh.
12:35Oh, no.
12:36Are you kidding me?
12:37Did you miss it?
12:38It was a chemical attack.
12:40How many lives must your sneezes ruin?
12:44I saw it.
12:45I saw his cards.
12:45He has a seven and a three.
12:47Okay.
12:47If that's true, Sam, you got him beat.
12:49If you go all in, you could end this now.
12:52What stone will be saved?
12:53It's a lot riding on flower.
12:55We're all thinking it.
12:56I just said it out loud.
12:57Sam, you have to trust me.
12:59I know you guys don't think I can do this, but I am 100% positive.
13:03I saw those cards.
13:06Sam, action's to you.
13:07Sam, you have to believe me.
13:13I'm all in.
13:15Boris called.
13:21Three kings.
13:23Nice hand.
13:24Unfortunately, not nice enough.
13:28I have three aces.
13:30I have three aces.
13:31A flower.
13:32No, no, no, no, no, no.
13:33I swear.
13:34I know what I saw.
13:36I know what I saw.
13:42Trusted flower.
13:43What were you thinking?
13:44Jay, flower's in here.
13:46Good.
13:46Hey, flower, I know you got a lot of great qualities.
13:48I mean, I assume you seem nice that one minute I met you
13:51and Pete dislodged my soul from my body that one Christmas.
13:54Oh, that was fun.
13:55But you're not exactly known for your lucidity,
13:58and I don't think that that is a controversial statement.
14:01Michelle just made an announcement
14:02that the game is going to resume in two minutes.
14:04I think that was for the players
14:05who haven't been completely knocked out,
14:07but I thought I'd pass it along.
14:08Sam, you have to believe me.
14:10I know what I saw.
14:12Borst must be cheating.
14:13What do you mean?
14:14Well, he must have had those two aces hidden somewhere
14:16and then switched them out at the last second.
14:17Now that you mention it, he was fiddling around down there.
14:20I thought it was just your standard rearrange,
14:22but perhaps there was something nefarious to it.
14:24Flower thinks that Borst somehow switched out the cards.
14:27Okay, okay, sure.
14:29Or maybe, hear me out,
14:30the permanently high ghost that thinks the wallpaper is moving
14:34is mistaken.
14:36Look, I know what I know.
14:37He had a three and a seven.
14:39And really, no one else ever sees the wallpaper moving?
14:43You guys are missing out.
14:44Also, Isaac saw Borst fiddling around in his pants.
14:48Oh, okay then.
14:50There's a very simple solution to this problem
14:52that doesn't involve us confronting a Russian gangster
14:54based solely on the word of a dead hippie.
14:56So what does it involve?
14:58They think he's hiding cards in his nether region?
15:00Make one of the ghosts go crotch-diving to confirm.
15:03Oh, hell no.
15:04I shan't be going near anyone's nether regions.
15:06I mean, Trevor, this is kind of all your fault.
15:09You should probably do it.
15:10Oh, no.
15:11I think he was mainly scratching his left inner thigh.
15:14But fog of war.
15:15Who knows?
15:16Be thorough, Trev.
15:18We need this.
15:20Fine, I'm going in.
15:21Another hero move for the ages.
15:24Wish me luck.
15:28Trevor's doing it.
15:29We'll know momentarily.
15:32Oh, my God, it's awful.
15:33I hate it.
15:34Did you see the cards?
15:36The cards are strapped to his inner left thigh with a garter.
15:40Flower was right, Jay.
15:41What?
15:43It ruined garters for me.
15:45Oh, this is a dark day.
15:49Oh, no, what is this?
15:50Hey, stop it!
15:52Guys, what is going on?
15:54We'll tell you what's going on.
15:56Your stupid chair tore us apart.
15:58Why have you brought this cursed technology to us?
16:01We were just trying to help.
16:03This is our fault.
16:04We violated the Prime Directive.
16:07What are you talking about?
16:08Star Trek.
16:09It was this TV show.
16:10Basically, they had this rule that you're not supposed to interfere when you encounter another civilization.
16:15And here we are, shoving our sitting ways down the throats of a beautiful standing culture.
16:20Pete's right.
16:21We shouldn't have interfered.
16:23We're sorry.
16:26As much as I love blaming anyone who wears shoes, I don't think this is all your fault.
16:32The truth is, I think we're all a little raw from the loss of the water heater.
16:37But we have to accept that she's never coming back, and life is never going to be the same.
16:48What's that sound?
16:49What sound?
16:50There was like a series of clicks.
16:53I think it came from the new water heater.
16:55Oh, whoa.
16:57There's kind of like a low hum.
17:00You hear that?
17:01Yeah, I hear it.
17:02That's very interesting.
17:04Whoa!
17:05More clicks!
17:06They're intermittent.
17:07We got an intermittent sound, folks!
17:11This thing is spinning gold over here!
17:15There you go.
17:16Thank you for playing.
17:18What's this?
17:20Boris is cashing out.
17:21Still on Moscow time.
17:22Little tired.
17:23Oh, not so fast, Drago.
17:25Rocky IV.
17:26Great reference.
17:27We have reason to believe Boris cheated on the last hand.
17:31Excuse me?
17:32This is a pretty serious accusation.
17:34Do you have any proof?
17:35Yes, but it is tough to say that a ghost was face deep in Boris's crotch.
17:40I saw Boris switch out his cards for two aces that he had hidden in his pants,
17:45which means that the original cards are still in there.
17:48So we need him to drop Trow.
17:50Oh, poker and a show.
17:52Sam, stall him.
17:54I'm going back in.
17:56Listen, Boris.
17:57You're not going anywhere until we get to the bottom of this.
18:00Okay.
18:01I did not want things to get violent in front of the kid.
18:04I'm fine.
18:05I recently watched John Wick, which is rated R, because I can do that now.
18:08For the last time, Boris did not cheat.
18:11And he does not have hidden cards anywhere on his body.
18:16Whoa, would you look at that?
18:18Aha!
18:19The cards.
18:20I told you.
18:21Well done, Trevor.
18:22You and that big Russian had quite a night together.
18:25Boris, you were banned from my game, and that money belongs to Sam.
18:29Okay.
18:32Yes!
18:33Woodstone is saved!
18:35Uh, hello?
18:37What's going on here?
18:38Oh, why are you here?
18:40Well, your husband posted a selfie of Mr. Armitage, and we're huge fans, and we were hoping to meet him.
18:45Joy!
18:45Yeah, but, uh, now that we're here, it's kind of obvious from the chips and the literal duffel bag of
18:51cash you're holding that this is an illegal high-stakes poker game.
18:54Oh, it's Miami Beach all over again.
18:57Hey, if I were to testify against the others, do I get to go free, or...?
19:01W-what?
19:01No, please, I'm just a kid.
19:03No, he's just a kid, that's convenient.
19:05He's 17, in my day, he'd be a battle-hardened father of six.
19:09No one's going to jail, that's not how this works.
19:12That said, uh...
19:13No!
19:13We are gonna have to confiscate the money.
19:15No!
19:19Okay, I think it's back to my original plan.
19:20I'm not selling feet pics.
19:22Mm.
19:24Shame.
19:29You just had to post that Ian Armitage pic right away, didn't you?
19:33Okay, in retrospect, not a great call, but then again, I did get almost 50 likes.
19:39Uh, in what world is 37 almost 50?
19:41Plus, it was getting late, and a lot of my followers are New York-based.
19:44I gotta get in right at that 8 p.m. hour.
19:46They just got home from work, but they haven't gone out yet.
19:49Hey, guys.
19:50Maybe pick up some early London scrollers.
19:51By the way, it's called Instagram, as in instant.
19:55People don't honor that enough.
19:56Flower, I think we owe you an apology.
19:59Yeah, we're sorry we doubted you.
20:00It's okay.
20:01I'm just glad everything worked out in the end.
20:04Yeah, but it didn't work out at all.
20:06The money got taken, they're back to square one, and they're still in debt with the IRS.
20:09Well, at least we all still get to live together.
20:12Flower, they may have to sell the house.
20:14Oh.
20:14Oop.
20:15Two more likes.
20:15See, this thing's going viral.
20:17We're not selling the house, Flower.
20:19We'll think of something.
20:19Does Jay sell some feed pics?
20:23Well, they're not bad.
20:24Not bad at all.
20:25I mean, they're not house savers, but they might take you out to the movies.
20:31It's election day on an all-new Ghosts.
20:33Will it be Isaac, my fellow Ghost-Americans?
20:36Or will it be Flower?
20:37I just have one question.
20:39What is this for?
20:41Ghosts is all new, CBS next Thursday, and streaming on Paramount Press.
20:46Matlock's new.
20:47You in?
20:47Oh, you know it.
20:49CBS next.
20:50We'll see you next time.
20:50We'll see you next time.
20:51We'll see you next time.
20:52We'll see you next time.
20:53We'll see you next time.
20:53We'll see you next time.
20:53We'll see you next time.
20:53We'll see you next time.
20:53We'll see you next time.
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