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00:04In conclusion, we are all defined by the people we accept into our sacred inner space.
00:13We must be careful about who we allow to influence our fertile spirits,
00:19especially as busy CEOs in the fast-paced world of corporate stationery.
00:28Did that work?
00:29It is perfect.
00:31The CEOs are going to love it, and you'll be so grateful.
00:34Well, she better, because, I mean, she hasn't actually paid me yet.
00:39I mean, that's the only reason I'm even here.
00:42She will, don't worry.
00:43Because 20 grand will buy us a lot of bamboo sleeping mats.
00:46I'll chase the invoice.
00:48Make sure it's cash or check, because once we get to Devon tomorrow, we won't have Wi-Fi on the
00:53farm.
00:54Right then.
00:55Again, those stationery honchos are absolutely ravenous for your keynote speech.
01:00They're just in with the Reiki fella now.
01:02In the meantime, we need your phones.
01:07The frog shaming has a bit of a thing about 5G.
01:10And we like to keep these retreats as screen-free as possible.
01:17Anya, Whitney was just asking about her fee.
01:20Oh, all in hand.
01:21We just need to get you in for a quick aura assessment, Whitney.
01:23Mandatory for all guest practitioners.
01:27Oh, sorry, babe.
01:30This assessment's strictly confidential.
01:31No plus one.
01:32Whitney would want me there.
01:34I don't, actually.
01:35Can you just stay here and, you know, practice breathing?
01:45And you wrote me into helping out?
01:47I really didn't want to, but I used to owe her bail money for that thing in Falaraki, so...
01:52Very like the other guests.
01:57Um...
02:00Is that a pager?
02:01Sorry, I'm needed in the, um...
02:05Clonic tent.
02:06So just wait here and I won't be long.
02:20I just thought people might be hungry.
02:22I'm a sleepover, Prince.
02:24What was that?
02:26Sorry.
02:26Okay.
02:27I know fuck all about this woo-woo shit.
02:29It's very hard to improvise around a subject you know nothing about.
02:32Which is why you were sent a 35-page primer.
02:34Can confirm it was sent to your Gmail on Thursday?
02:37It was home of luck last weekend.
02:39Call yourself an ally.
02:40Fine.
02:40Let me summarise.
02:42Brent, you probably need a refresher too, so...
02:50Right.
02:50So the goal today is to deprogram Eddie and save her from Whitney's evil scheme.
02:55It's not as simple as just showing her the evidence we've found.
02:58Eddie has really drunk that kombucha Kool-Aid, so we need to be careful.
03:02But if we can keep her here and follow these simple steps I found on Reddit...
03:08Oh, I think we have a shot at success.
03:11I know it's a big fucking swing, but it's the least Eddie deserves.
03:14Which is why I stepped up to be the primary slash only financial backer and executive producer.
03:19Right. Thank you, Brent.
03:21We've got step one out of the way.
03:23We've got them separated.
03:25And Anya's holding Whitney off.
03:26For now.
03:27But we're on the clock, people.
03:29Whitney is getting on a secret flight early tomorrow morning.
03:32So we need to intercept today.
03:34Save Eddie and...
03:35And get her goddamn money back.
03:40I was getting to that.
03:42Eddie has transferred almost everything she has into Whitney's bank account
03:47so that she can buy this supposed farm in her name.
03:50But we know the pictures she showed, Eddie,
03:54are just the fifth result when you Google image search.
03:58English farm.
04:00Phone me.
04:01We need to get that money out of Whitney's account by EOD before it's gone forever.
04:08What does...
04:09End of day.
04:09I've almost cracked Whitney's account, but I've come up against one final hurdle.
04:14The memorable question.
04:15What's the memorable question?
04:17First pet's name.
04:20Well, he looks like a Larry.
04:22Dry Larry.
04:23That is where Anya comes in.
04:29Ready to start the assessment?
04:31I've never seen equipment like this before.
04:35May I ask which practitioner this is informed by?
04:38Oh, I believe it was Savaya Subramaniyaswami.
04:41Who perfected the technique.
04:45Impressor.
04:46So, question one.
04:48What would you say your...
04:51soul animal is?
04:54Soul animal.
04:55Damn, she's good.
04:57Okay then, team.
05:02Send in the interrogator.
05:09Jillian.
05:11Eddie.
05:12What a lovely surprise.
05:23Well now, it's been a while.
05:26Yeah.
05:27Sorry, did Anya invite you...
05:29Retirement, it turns out, is awfully boring.
05:33So I've been doing some light events, catering.
05:35Keeps me busy.
05:37Would you like a cheese scone?
05:39I made them this morning.
05:45Are you sure your mom can do this?
05:48When I was 17, I admitted to nicking her drink at a wedding I hadn't even been at.
05:53What's her secret?
05:55Guilt.
05:56And crumbs.
05:58Oh.
05:59Wow.
06:00Mmm.
06:01That's so...
06:02Loose.
06:04So, Eddie, I hear you're moving to Devon tomorrow.
06:08Mmm.
06:10We've bought a small farm.
06:13And we're going to live off the land and start an intentional community, focused on inner peace and...
06:19Make sure you finish that, love. It's bad luck to leave a scorn in half.
06:24And how can your friend Whitney afford a farm?
06:30We bought it together.
06:32That's nice.
06:3350-50 sort of a deal.
06:36And you've been down to have a look.
06:38Look, I take this.
06:39Before making any financial commitment.
06:43Wow.
06:45That was...
06:47Delicious.
06:49Really...
06:50Overwhelming.
06:51In a good way.
06:55Have another one.
06:58While they're fresh.
07:02You see that?
07:04That was good.
07:06Very, yes.
07:08What was it, though?
07:09Well, the look on Eddie's face.
07:12It's the same look she gets when someone offers her a bump in the loo.
07:16She's not sure.
07:18Sister, stay.
07:23Lucas.
07:25I don't want to get involved in the rift between you and Maggie.
07:29But I'm her mommy, and I've got to say one thing.
07:32What's she doing?
07:33You mean so much to Maggie.
07:36You're her family, Eddie.
07:37And I just...
07:39I worry about what'll happen to her without you.
07:44How about what will happen to me?
07:47Quiet!
07:48Pull her out.
07:50And say what won't you do?
07:51Just go!
07:51Go!
07:55Jesus!
07:57Jillian!
07:59I have spent a lot of my life looking after Maggie.
08:02You abandoned her, Eddie.
08:04Do you have any idea what that did to her?
08:07Jillian!
08:11There you are.
08:12Everything is ready for your acupuncture session with Jeannette's Café.
08:24Of course.
08:28We wouldn't want to keep Jeannette's Café waiting, would we?
08:44I recently discovered that I was a dog in most of my previous lives.
08:49And I must say, I think I recognise the scent of your astral trail, Whitney.
08:55Perhaps we were puppies together in Soviet Russia.
09:03Wouldn't that be something?
09:08Ever had a dog, Whitney?
09:10One.
09:11As a kid, her name was Baby.
09:13Baby!
09:15You say?
09:16Baby.
09:18Yeah, Baby.
09:19Oh, look, don't do that.
09:23No.
09:23I didn't know about the attempt they made.
09:26Oh, God!
09:30That was not what I asked you to do.
09:32I think you'll find it's exactly what you asked.
09:35Thank you very much.
09:35I sowed seeds of doubt.
09:37And then I had some time left over, so I thought I'd try and help.
09:39I'm not doing this for me, Mum.
09:41I'm doing it for Eddie.
09:42Of course you are, darling.
09:45Okay.
09:46Time for stage three.
09:48In form.
09:49Ready to go?
09:50Close, babe.
09:51I mean, if I was right about what an HDMI cable is.
09:53Wait.
09:54Wait.
09:54Before we watch, I just want to say...
09:59From the moment I saw Flubber in my father's home theater,
10:02I knew my future lay in the art of what the French call cinema.
10:06Oh, God, I knew I should have watched this first.
10:27Hey, Eddie.
10:28Don't freak out.
10:30Sit down.
10:31Relax.
10:33In his seminal, 1981 paper, Cult Formation,
10:38the psychiatrist Robert J. Lifton observed that the most common unifying feature of high-control groups
10:43is the presence of a charismatic leader,
10:46one who can't be questioned or held accountable for anything they do.
10:51Not bad.
10:54All of us can relate to having someone to look up to.
10:58For instance, if Madonna told me to plunge my hands into a bucket of hot piss,
11:03I'd say, pass the bucket.
11:07But that doesn't mean I wouldn't regret it later, Eddie,
11:09when I'm scrubbing my hands under hot water trying to get the smell of piss off me.
11:14Once strictly a job for dirty white men,
11:19cult leadership is now a viable option for people from all walks of life.
11:23Even hot girls.
11:29Shit, she's getting antsy.
11:30No, we knew this would happen, so we also added this.
11:35When the camera flashed you, I act so happy.
11:39I'm in heaven where you're looking at me.
11:44Angel of my dreams.
11:46I will always look at you and hate you.
11:49It's not fair.
11:52It's a bit of sweet.
11:53What the fuck, Frank?
11:56Well, I did better than whatever that was.
11:58Get her off me.
11:59She's gonna kill me.
12:02What were you thinking?
12:03I was thinking my audience needed some sugar with their medicine.
12:06I'm gonna kill her.
12:07Hang on, hon.
12:09Look, this isn't some fun bit.
12:11This is Eddie's life.
12:13And if we fuck this up because you idiots can't do anything normally,
12:16then I might lose her for good this time.
12:18And I can't face that, okay?
12:21I can't face it.
12:24So please, just fucking focus!
12:32Just try, Larry.
12:34What?
12:34No!
12:35No, no!
12:36No.
12:38Gee, it must nearly be time for my talk.
12:41You've actually only been here for 20 minutes.
12:43The oral reading can really contort your sense of time.
12:47If you let it.
12:48My sense of time was specifically complimented on by a clockless monk I met in Peru.
12:57Wait.
12:59What's she doing?
13:05It's happening!
13:06Stage four, people!
13:07Come the fuck on!
13:17Oh.
13:19One sec.
13:20Gotta wrangle some lost herbalists.
13:22Yeah.
13:37Cool.
13:38Good.
13:50Bye.
13:51Bye then.
13:54Oh
13:55Hey
13:59Andy
14:00Can you just check my crotch is dry
14:03Is this for real
14:08It's locked
14:10What
14:11This shouldn't be locked
14:12Fuck
14:13Ryan
14:14Jenny and
14:15Andy
14:16What
14:16A baby's coming out of her
14:19Fuck you
14:20Help us!
14:22Oh, nanya.
14:23Quick, you. Where's Whitney?
14:25There is a map in your emails.
14:26No, I mean, she's not in her room.
14:33Help us, you prick!
14:36Shh, shh, shh.
14:37She'll be shouting like that.
14:38You might burst the baby.
14:40You need to distract me.
14:42Take my hand.
14:44Talk.
14:45Talk about what?
14:47Maggie, they need you.
14:48Yeah, but we...
14:48We'll find her.
14:51Help me.
14:53Help me.
14:55Let's talk about the real reason you're leaving.
14:57Let's talk about the real reason you're leaving.
15:01I'm leaving to build an intentional community with Whitney.
15:03That's kind of an extreme thing to do.
15:05It only seems extreme to you because you're not truly spiritual, please.
15:09I spent all of 2009 in an ashram in Croydon.
15:12No ad-libbing.
15:14It looks to me like you're doing what you always do.
15:19Running away.
15:21Running away.
15:22I don't think it will help.
15:23And I don't think that will help.
15:25I think everything felt really hard.
15:28And you wanted to be someone else.
15:31You wanted a way to feel free and happy.
15:34And not constantly fighting anymore.
15:36I know what that's like.
15:38I get that.
15:39I really do.
15:39But you know what my mum always says?
15:42Wherever you go...
15:44Wherever you go...
15:46There you are.
15:49You didn't have to do the fucking accent.
16:15I don't know what that's supposed to smell like.
16:20I don't know what that's supposed to smell like.
16:22There isn't apple juice.
16:24No.
16:25No.
16:26No.
16:29I'm a fucking bartender.
16:34Good boy.
16:41Shit.
16:42Shit.
16:42She's loose.
16:43Quick.
16:44Quick.
16:44Somebody get eyes on Eddie.
16:45Eyes on Eddie.
16:48What is this?
16:50Eddie?
16:52Listen to us.
16:54Oh, my God.
16:55Oh, my God, Eddie.
16:56These people locked me in a room.
16:57No, we didn't.
16:58There was no lock.
16:59We made very sure of that.
17:00Yeah.
17:00We used lies instead.
17:02Eddie?
17:03We need to get out of here.
17:04Like, now.
17:05Her dad is alive.
17:10Ronald Hodgkiss, 66.
17:12Happily married to Angela Hodgkiss.
17:13Also 66.
17:14Forever 40 years.
17:15That's a picture of him with Whitney.
17:18Or Catherine, since that's her real name, actually.
17:20At a family reunion a few months ago.
17:24He messaged earlier asking if you might need a lift from the airport tomorrow.
17:28Didn't I say they would try and discredit me like this?
17:31They are demons and they want to block your path to the light.
17:34And she is also a failed slime influencer.
17:36She's actually a serial influencer, which is really sad.
17:40All my friends are influencers without even trying to be.
17:43She keeps making online personas to scam people, Eddie.
17:46She's been doing it for years.
17:48Oh, I can't believe we've been to point this out.
17:50Look at her brand new teeth.
17:52They are insanely white.
17:54She looks like she's on Geordie Shore.
17:56She's not even a real healer.
17:57She's a liar.
17:58Her crystal neckhaces are severe.
18:00We should never talk to her.
18:01We even saw that she is me.
18:02Don't you see?
18:02She's a liar.
18:04I'm going to hate her.
18:05Eddie, you're being insane.
18:07Stop it.
18:07Stop.
18:09Eddie, none of this was meant to hurt you.
18:12Maybe this wasn't the right way to go about it, but I knew you needed to be unbrainwashed.
18:17And maybe we should have got an expert and we didn't have much time.
18:21And please, Eddie, I'm sorry.
18:24I didn't mean to make you feel, but I'm trying to save you.
18:28I might be bad at it, but look, I'm trying.
18:35Is your dad alive?
18:37Depends what you mean by dad.
18:41I mean, is my birth father alive?
18:45Well, sure.
18:46So when you told me that you knew exactly how I felt, that you'd been on the same journey
18:52as me and you knew how to fix me, that was just marketing.
18:57No.
18:59Give Eddie her money back.
19:00You give it back and you leave and let her family take care of her.
19:04If you're referring to the investment Eddie willingly made into our intentional community,
19:09then those funds have already been used to buy land.
19:12The land we decided to buy together.
19:13We know there's no land, Whitney.
19:15It doesn't exist.
19:20You know, I actually help people.
19:25And you all find that so challenging that you have to try
19:28and discredit me and make up all these lies.
19:32Oh, we are the liars.
19:34When you are the one with a made-up name.
19:36You know what?
19:37Why don't you go and shove a crystal dildo up your hole, Catherine?
19:40You know, I've had to deal with this kind of prejudice ever since I began healing others.
19:48Much like, much like Jesus Christ himself.
19:51Who?
19:52Oh, come on.
19:53Oh, come on.
19:54Much like Jesus Christ himself had to endure.
19:57And if requiring some financial compensation for the burden I carry with me every day
20:05for being a bearer of light is a bad thing to you,
20:09well, that says everything about you people
20:12and how little you value enlightenment.
20:16I mean, what do you offer each other?
20:24Lines.
20:28Because I can take you to the light.
20:42Let's go.
21:00Really?
21:03You're going to believe these freaks over me?
21:07The person who saved you?
21:16You know, one day
21:19I will ascend to the celestial heaven that's waiting for me.
21:23And I will look down on all of you
21:26from my throne of purity
21:28with my childhood cat Choo Choo by my side
21:31because I know
21:33she's waiting for me.
21:37and I will watch y'all
21:40burn.
21:43Come back here, thing!
21:50Oh, my God.
21:56What
21:58a day?
22:00Where?
22:03Anya?
22:04Are you not pregnant?
22:05I don't know anymore.
22:07Well,
22:08so where's the baby?
22:09At home.
22:12She's
22:13she's so fast.
22:14And she jumped through a really high window.
22:17Do you know if she's ever been in Cirque du Soleil or something?
22:20Which girl,
22:20which girl, please.
22:22And say what?
22:24Hi,
22:24I'm a fucking idiot
22:26who gave all my money to a white girl
22:27who owns clip-in dreadlocks.
22:29I can't do anything.
22:31I gave her that money.
22:41Ryan?
22:43Was I in a tiny cult?
22:46A bit, yeah.
22:48It's all right, Eddie.
22:50We've all found ourselves
22:51in a pyramid scheme or two.
22:53And this,
22:54this
22:55was the only way
22:56to fucking tell me that!
23:05Let's talk.
23:07Just you and me.
23:10I don't want to do that.
23:11Eddie, please, just...
23:15Just give me one night.
23:19I don't want to be here.
23:20Well, we can leave.
23:22We can go somewhere else.
23:26Where?
23:41I was in your dream last night.
23:46I came to tell you everything
23:49tastes so bad.
23:53It tastes so strong.
23:58My skin is tied to your skin.
24:04So everything
24:05you touch,
24:09I touch.
24:17And I'm
24:18rolling in my grave
24:21again.
24:27All right.
24:27Thanks.
24:28You're right.
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