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00:00We started with ten comedians
00:03It's like the first day of school
00:04and just one rule
00:05do
00:06not
00:07laugh
00:10Are you doing bub alright?
00:11or burp
00:13or squirt sausages at a nice old lady
00:16Oh dear
00:17but one by one
00:19they've cracked
00:20No!
00:21Whoa, snap!
00:23Ten
00:24has become four
00:26I've gotta give you a red card
00:31His eye looks like a grape
00:32in a tumble dryer
00:40Who will go the distance
00:41and be the last one laughing?
00:44Okay, that was definitely a laugh
00:58What's the sound of the damn one?
01:00Okay, that's all
01:08Vin?
01:09Vin?
01:10Vin?
01:10Vin?
01:22Vin?
01:24Vin?
01:26We've only got 40 minutes left.
01:27So we're going to go sudden death.
01:29Oh, wow.
01:31OK.
01:33We've not got much time left.
01:34If anyone laughs, it's a red card.
01:37Ooh.
01:39What are you doing there, Jimmy?
01:41I've got to go.
01:42I've got to be quick.
01:44Hey, look at them gun.
01:46Doors.
01:48Doors!
01:49For fuck's sake.
01:56LAUGHTER
02:00Jimmy, as I live and breathe.
02:07Do you want a hand, Jimmy?
02:09I'll be OK.
02:15If they didn't laugh at that, they're not going to laugh at anything.
02:17No, no.
02:22You're really happy, aren't you?
02:24I might just leave that there.
02:25Doors.
02:30He's left his fricking little safe, I think.
02:41Oh, jeez.
02:45That's your little proof.
02:47Did you see that I bumped into the door?
02:48Yeah.
02:49Yeah.
02:50I thought I styled out.
02:51No, no, no, no.
02:52LAUGHTER
02:53It was a little panic in your voice as you went,
02:56DOORS!
02:58DOORS!
02:59DOORS!
03:22DOORS!
03:26So just relax, yeah?
03:28Just wrote a few words for you.
03:34You are the love of my life
03:56You are the hobbit I adore.
04:07DOORS!
04:08Why you meet and what's more
04:11If we were together I'd stop drinking bitter
04:16I'd polish your shoes and mend the leak in your shitter
04:21Both of these things I would do for you
04:25Cause you are the love of my life
04:32I hope in some way that helped.
04:34It did help.
04:35Yeah.
04:35That was very moving.
04:36And I liked the way you rhymed bitter and shitter.
04:40That's...
04:41I couldn't think of anything else.
04:42LAUGHTER
04:43I think David Mitchell might be unbreakable.
04:45David, have you ever dropped a Bible onto, like, a dog or something?
04:55Not onto a dog.
04:56You're pretty certain that you've got a good grip when it's a religious text.
05:01When I'm carrying a Bible, yeah, I think you probably do, I probably do accord it.
05:04Favourite shape?
05:06Favourite shape, square.
05:07Nine bits of advice?
05:08Nine.
05:10Is it our target?
05:10David?
05:13Try and get your tax bill done early.
05:16Don't smoke.
05:18Don't tell people not to smoke.
05:23Learn to drive.
05:24I wish I'd learned to drive.
05:25Do you not drive?
05:26David, it's not delayed, my friend.
05:28No, but that wouldn't...
05:29You know, a bit of practice on that wouldn't be a...
05:34She went at speed!
05:36Do you want to have a go, Dave?
05:37I mean...
05:38It's quite fun.
05:38Is it?
05:39Yeah, it's great.
05:40David on a poufe is fun, isn't it?
05:41It's good.
05:43Well, that's true.
05:43You know what I mean?
05:44There we go.
05:45There he goes.
05:48I'm going very tentatively.
05:50Go through the gap.
05:50I can't really steer.
05:52Right, here's Ramesh's rap book.
05:55Read us.
05:56OK, let's have a look.
05:59Come on.
06:00Right.
06:01I think David's playing a good game.
06:02He's going to try and protect them all out.
06:04Yeah.
06:04It's a lovely treat, isn't it?
06:05That's how you dreamed of your rap soon performed.
06:08Band from Kiss Chase, this is called.
06:11David finding my rap book.
06:14I mean, even saying the words as a 47-year-old father of three,
06:16my rap book, please smash me in the face.
06:20It was like somebody finding a pair of your skiddy underpants.
06:24My romantic struggle started early.
06:27When I was eight, the whole class played Kiss Chase
06:29and I was banned from participating.
06:31Do it in a rap way, though, David.
06:32It was in a rap way.
06:41Is that more rap?
06:43That was deep rap, yeah.
06:44Yeah.
06:44Go deeper, Dave.
06:47David might go.
06:48David might go.
06:50My romantic struggle started early.
06:53When I was eight, the whole class...
06:54It doesn't scan.
06:56It's the introduction.
06:57It's not the actual, you know.
06:59The whole class played Kiss Chase
07:00and I was banned from participating.
07:02Mainly by the kids, but the teacher admitted
07:04they had their reasons.
07:06Oh, sorry.
07:07This is just an introductory paragraph to the rap.
07:13This makes a lot more sense.
07:15Go on, Dave.
07:16Kiss Chase, kiss Chase, please kiss my face.
07:19You'll need to slow down, though.
07:20I'm not good in a race.
07:22Kiss Chase, please kiss me, although I am smelly.
07:24I struggle with B.O. and don't watch under my belly.
07:28That was horrible.
07:29High drop.
07:31Sorry, I'm not taking the blame for that.
07:34David Mitchell could read a Kendrick Lamar lyric
07:37and ruin it.
07:44Can I...
07:45Oh, I haven't...
07:45Oh, yeah.
07:47Hello?
07:48Oh, hi, Sam.
07:49Could you get David to do his Joker, please?
07:52Vladimir Putin has been assassinated.
07:54Who?
07:54It's time for David's Joker.
07:57My Joker?
07:58I think it...
07:59Yeah, I think they just...
08:00Yeah, OK.
08:01Let's go.
08:02This way.
08:03He's got two Jokers.
08:05Oh, my God.
08:07This is so exciting.
08:08Do you want to have a waltz with me, Bob?
08:10No.
08:10OK.
08:11LAUGHTER
08:15Hello.
08:16Sorry, just before I start, a bit of explanation about this one.
08:21I've worked with a lot of stand-up comedians over the years.
08:25Yeah.
08:26But I've never done stand-up.
08:27I feel I know you.
08:29I thought this would be a very trusting environment, just to try it out.
08:33Oh, no.
08:35Anyway, just a bit of stand-up comedy from me, please.
08:38Go for it.
08:39Go for it.
08:39Be supportive.
08:40Absolutely.
08:41OK, quick reminder, if anyone laughs, red card.
08:47Ladies and gentlemen, he hasn't tried stand-up before, so please give him a big hand.
08:54David!
09:01I know what you're thinking.
09:04David Mitchell's let himself go.
09:09Is this thing on?
09:11Yeah!
09:12Oh, fuck!
09:14Fuck!
09:15Fuck!
09:19OK, yeah, so...
09:24I went on a dating app the other day, as a result of which my wife has left me.
09:33In retrospect, I shouldn't have used her email.
09:36But, er...
09:39Didn't want the spam.
09:47Cats and dogs.
09:48So, cats and dogs!
09:53They're overwhelmingly similar, aren't they?
09:56Domesticated mammalian quadrupeds.
09:58The lot of them.
10:00Bob!
10:01Bob!
10:01Bob!
10:02Bob's in trouble.
10:03So, no point in anthropomorphic...
10:05No point in anthropomorphic...
10:08Fundamentally, they're the same thing.
10:09They live in the house and they won't try to kill you.
10:12Oh, you know, although there have been terrible, terrible news.
10:15Let's just...
10:15No, move along.
10:18Hmm?
10:18Crowd work.
10:20Um...
10:20Crowd...
10:24Er...
10:25Where... where you from?
10:27Er, Middlesbrough.
10:28Sorry, no, I'll keep the...
10:29Where... where you from?
10:31Middlesbrough.
10:31Fuckingham?
10:32He... he said fuckingham!
10:35Honestly, what a...
10:36Fucking... fucking him where?
10:38Fucking him, fucking him, sure?
10:42It's weird.
10:43Are you... are you together?
10:44Not really.
10:45What are you doing with him?
10:49Hmm...
10:50That's going nowhere.
10:54Erm...
10:55So close to what I do, though.
10:59Observational stuff.
11:01Erm...
11:01Okay, so...
11:02What about...
11:03What's the deal with assisted dying?
11:07What the...
11:10Who wants assistance dying?
11:12It's the last thing you want.
11:14I mean, what's next?
11:15Assisted...
11:16Stubbing your toe.
11:18Assi... assisted...
11:19Being late for work.
11:21Assisted...
11:22Stepping on a plug.
11:24Assi... assisted...
11:25Falling over.
11:27Assi... what other bad?
11:28Assisted being in a traffic jam.
11:30Assisted food poisoning.
11:35Assi... assisted getting a bad back.
11:39Why do people want assistance dying?
11:41Hmm?
11:43It's a serious topic.
11:47No, obviously, you're quite right.
11:49There's...
11:50They're in a lot of pain, is the...
11:52The bottom line is it's...
11:53It's no existence for some people.
11:56Anyway, that's all I've got time for.
11:58Erm...
11:59So, have a great trip back to fucking him.
12:04Yeah, idiots.
12:08uh thanks you've been a great audience i'm david mitchell good night
12:14that's the closest bob's come yeah definitely it's not out of the woods yet sam's gonna try
12:19and finish him off go on sam i didn't mind that i thought he was all right i enjoyed that
12:25very much
12:26he was good extremely funny yeah bright future that was right up my street and he's very good
12:38where are you from middlesbrough fucking um you know it's a few wrinkles to iron out but please
12:46it's all there i can book i can book the o2 i think no wrinkles as far as i was
12:51concerned
12:52what sort of usually tickles your funny burn he should have asked that six hours ago shouldn't he
12:59i like innuendo like a clever innuendo well you're as dry as a divorcee's martini
13:07a what what you're as dry as a divorcee's martini
13:12why is it what what's the innuendo there
13:19it's a simile yeah why would a divorcee have a particularly dry martini
13:28do you mean dry as in just sort of dry
13:39can i show you please do dave let's get let's get close i'm a bit worried
13:44what's this what's he got there's a thing on that will put it delicate it's on the bottom of my
13:52back
13:53mm-hmm it's changed do you want me to investigate well i've taken it i've
13:58taken a picture i just love your your opinion really i mean what do you think there's this sort
14:08of metallic blue it's sort of you see the skin around it is disrupted do you want me to have
14:16a
14:16look let's just sort of zoom out a bit maybe oh actually no it's fine sorry it's a hot cross
14:23bun
14:23sorry that's not there just just hot cross bun sorry this is it this is it you see that's sorry
14:34that's how stupid that's just that's you see oh oh oh looks to me like you've got lunch and meat
14:42of the back right yeah yeah bob immediately spotted it as lunch and meat as he's he's
14:53got up close with a lot of lunch and meat he's probably woken up to that view i'm so
15:01intimately involved with lunch and mates and spams that i knew straight away what i was looking at
15:11okay i'm going back in okay i'll deal with this
15:18okay gotta get in somehow they're gonna go head to head doors hey oh who's in hey jimmy he's not
15:25so
15:26happy sorry uh bob mel please join me on stage for a head-to-head challenge okay
15:32we are going to test your knowledge of the animal kingdom what i'll let you to do is look your
15:37partner
15:38in the eye it's a game i call nature calls i'd like you to in turn look your partner in
15:45the eye and make
15:47the noise you think this animal makes mel you're to go first a coquettish bee one moment
16:06okay bob a drunk elephant
16:16oh
16:17fucking hell
16:23well a mafia boss sheep
16:27bye-bye
16:30bye-fucking-bye
16:39bob's gonna go now they've both got twitches
16:47bob a duck from belfast no
16:53crack
17:02crack
17:04sounds a bit norwegian to me he's been there yeah but he's based in belfast he's done the tour
17:13well traveled i was thinking dutch that was crazy definitely european
17:21crack that's more oslo than belfast i'd need more belfast bob crack that's definitely more oslo
17:28okay quick quick oh my god how can you survive that okay mel a geordie monkey
17:44what oh oh oh
17:45it is very good that is what they sound like
17:51oh that is so crap bob a cool goat
18:03meh
18:07meh
18:10yeah that was pretty cool mel a flamboyant frog
18:15ribbit ribbit
18:20ribbit ribbit
18:21this is very naughty
18:26ribbit ribbit
18:28ribbit ribbit
18:31hey bob easy one for you a randy dolphin
18:42it's very far away
18:45very far away
18:46can you come a bit closer please
18:49really no no the dolphin
18:53pardon me
19:06bell's gone she's gone no no
19:14you'd like to take your seats we'll take a look at the clip
19:17having to do those animal noises at very very close quarters with mortimer i think it was a quick
19:23bark of a laugh it was a like that couldn't pull it back and i knew i'd lost it then
19:28that was
19:28extraordinarily fun let's take a look a bob easy one for you a randy dolphin
19:44well i'm gone oh no that was a laugh disguise
19:47it was fun though wasn't it it was brilliant i loved that every i don't want to go
19:53i must go you have to go but you've done very very well please come with me
19:58and then there were three thanks mel
20:00we honor you okay guys be strong doors
20:08i thought you were out first you did so well i honestly thought you'd be gone in seconds
20:16well done you did so well brilliant you were so brilliant i've done something permanent
20:27mel survived the drunk elephant and the duck from belfast but the randy dolphin got her it's
20:33game over for gedroich
20:36you ain't laughing are you sam i don't know what's going on i think i have found his own
20:41but i know what you mean well i guess it answers the question how long does it take you to
20:45go
20:45utterly mad in a room yeah you are the love of my life i will treasure that and i'll hold
20:54you to it
20:55i'm gonna ask everyone who do you think is gonna win sam sam sam sam sam sam everyone's saying sam
21:05i'm gonna go david mitchell okay let's restart the game this is so fast
21:12we're off again okay
21:25do you have a special name for a wee that you do if you get up in the night no
21:31no not a special name
21:35bob's going for david now but i do one regularly
21:43right could i recommend calling it a chadwick
21:47chadwick's not chadwick yes i'm just yeah just sorry i was chadwick just just chadwicking
22:07i got you with chadwick bob's gone okay
22:19another one bites the dust oh bob no way doors
22:28hey jimmy oh bob take a look could i recommend calling it a chadwick
22:34chadwick chadwick's not chadwick yes i'm just yeah just sorry i was chadwick just just chadwicking
22:49flocking out that's the way to go the champion has been defeated mr mitchell did me did you with your
22:57own chadwick i got david mitchell talking about his early evening movement i think he just caught me
23:05off guard it's it just made me laugh now one of you has got more cards for other people than
23:11the
23:11other one we've got five minutes remaining if neither of you laugh in the next five minutes the
23:15person who has caused the most laughs will be the winner the laugh assassin the laugh assassin yeah
23:20nice bob come with me good luck lads good luck to you been a pleasure doors i'll watch you man
23:28i think
23:28wherever you've been on my life all right yeah yeah sorry then i mean yeah you did very well again
23:35not so bad yeah bronze bronze this time bronze yeah it's good the chat turned to late night wheeze
23:42and bob simply couldn't hold it any longer our reigning champion is out
24:05it's good to have you thank you let's restart the game i got this killer question i think it's just
24:11going to do you but i don't want to waste it if there we go
24:13it's good to have you i don't want to waste it if you want to waste it if you want
24:17to waste it
24:18david how many emails do you get most days both are so incapable of an authentic chat aren't they
24:26well it varies maybe 20. promotional or social oh i don't get much spam mainly admin
24:38this doesn't feel very natural conversation does it no no we're very different people we are really
24:45different people we're different okay and congrats to making it the final two thank you i think it's
24:51nothing to sneeze at you know it's pretty awesome yeah yeah though likewise yeah you think we've done
24:57we've acquitted ourselves well dave might go you know i don't think sam's going sam is invincible
25:06i'm going back in go on jim let's seal the deal come on what would you do if you were
25:12you i'd do
25:13mine i think the shouting was kind of nice yeah we go back to the shouting yeah okay we've got
25:17to
25:17find a winner doors they can operate that better than that puff hi guys uh congratulations on making
25:29it this far yes please take a seat as a special treat i've got some uh delicious food for you
25:38you can
25:38eat as much as you like but there is a catch you have to feed each other are you happy
25:43to do that i'm
25:43happy to do that go for it i couldn't survive this could you not somebody feeding me no and what's
25:49the
25:49policy on feeding frenzies uh we're all in favor of it yeah yeah doors okay
25:57oh my god there's so many items there what would you go for i'd go hand on eclair hand feed
26:03eclair
26:04i think i think i think i would go eclair and then a proper actual mush
26:10do you like some squirty cream yeah
26:18it's a little bit scott oh sorry just pop that back in there we go shame to miss it he's
26:23got his
26:23finger in his mouth that can't be good can it i'll have a squirt oh will you ever oh my
26:32god
26:32oh no i would be howling yeah i would be out oh god i don't think harry houdini could escape
26:40these
26:40eyes the great escape artist that's a great line i mean it's a bit dated but yeah oh i think
26:48that's
26:48just the gas that was like oh sorry sorry david sorry david sorry oh no i can't make it stop
26:56sorry
26:56don't make it sexual no no no you do oh david
27:04has it at all got in my beard just a smidgen this is so wrong what are we watching uh
27:13ever seen a little
27:14flick lady in the trap oh i think you'd have to take control of one yeah yeah okay
27:25oh my god
27:32my mouth isn't good enough there's always room for more jelly oh a bit of jelly
27:37good some not even a flicker right hello um you've got to savour it does it taste funny it doesn't
27:45ever why aren't you laughing then david you need to have some of this deli it is so good okay
27:51okay we need a really nice big bit there we go big bit here it comes here comes the airplane
27:56oh with circle in the runway oh here we go
27:59oh this is like cctv footage of a nursing home
28:11banana you think so yeah okay they say they're easier to peel from the counterintuitive ends i read
28:17that in the trades
28:20that lean in could have been amusing many hours ago yes but now that part of me has died it's
28:26gone
28:29can i tell you there's one minute to go
28:34eat it
28:45is it banana-y it's really good maybe the potassium
28:51if you like me oh yeah i do like you yes
28:56i don't want that because i really like you
29:00it's starting to become something of a fascination
29:06you want chips now we probably shouldn't have had dessert before the
29:09yeah as a savory pudding they're stone cold go on
29:15you can't like that okay we're going to count down you have 10 seconds remaining 10 okay quick
29:24nine oh my days eight
29:28david seven
29:31six this has been such a nice experience five
29:35chip four
29:37how's the chip
29:39three
29:41i'm going out hard for the revolution
29:44one
29:54wow amazing incredible
30:01okay it goes to the tiebreaker
30:04what happens whoever's caused the most cards is the winner
30:08the most laughs
30:10who's caused the most laughs is it sam or dave
30:13okay it's come down to this a tiebreak
30:17doors
30:20hey jimmy
30:20gentlemen if you'd like to join me on the stage
30:23thank you
30:25thanks very much you've both played an incredible game
30:30one of you will be declared the winner of last one laughing
30:35and i can tell you the person that caused the most laughs today
30:39is
30:43whoa sam
30:49he's gone bright red
30:54sorry i was just chad wicking
31:02david mitchell
31:06thank you very much
31:12we have a winner
31:15well done
31:17and congratulations thank you let me kiss you on your shoulder
31:23he's so sweet now how do you gents feel that was quite insane because i think we
31:30disappeared into a place where there was no laughter i have to say for all of the bleakness
31:36at the end i am delighted to win and i think that shows a want of character in me but
31:42i was very
31:43pleased what was the closest you came to laughing today um alan carr just when i would check him
31:48out sometimes he would really crack me up i came close quite a few times early you were both
31:54absolutely unbreakable i kept thinking this driver was telling me about we're going up in foster
31:59care it was like really harrowing and i've just been thinking about that to get to this place
32:04is david mitchell a worthy winner absolutely the guy is a pro roisin come through with the others
32:10and the trophy oh wow
32:16i'm really pleased that david won he did so much and on the strength of his singing and dancing
32:23alone i think he deserved it
32:32it went to the mitch and i think he was very very flipping solid all the way through
32:41you're entertaining you're making other people laugh but you're solid yourself absolutely worthy of the
32:49truth well done he was funny he was sharp he was just really good entertainment so i'm really
32:58pleased he won well done that was uh last one laughing uh season two david mitchell is the winner
33:05i mean they're all winners we've had a tremendous time
33:14david's a formidable force just because of his wit and his brain well done david nice one it was just
33:20a
33:21terrifically funny group of people i was honored to be in their company to be chosen alongside them it
33:29would just so genuinely of hell oh this is nice that's our show everyone thanks for watching good night
33:47good night
34:36We'll see you next time.
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