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00:05The End
00:06Previously on this thing...
00:07I did meet someone.
00:09Give me that mouth, baby!
00:11Because of Narcissa, I lost my Hollywood career.
00:15And my perfect Uber rating.
00:16They rate me?
00:17If I hadn't left LA without saying goodbye,
00:19I don't know if I'd even be alive today.
00:22Mr. Tobin, there's a lady here?
00:23Artie!
00:25Oh, snap! Now what?
00:28That's impossible.
00:29Narcissa?
00:30No, no, no, no, no.
00:31This cannot be happening.
00:33So this is Narcissa.
00:34She looks complicated.
00:36Arthur, what a beautiful family you have.
00:39That's a crazy thing to say.
00:41Wait, did you invite her in?
00:43Haven't you seen Sinners?
00:44I'm sorry.
00:44Who is this woman?
00:46Honestly, I don't even know.
00:47I am on a journey.
00:50How did you even find me?
00:51It's been two years.
00:52I moved across the country.
00:53I blocked you on everything.
00:54I always use a fake name at Starbucks.
00:56Well, Denise called me from your phone.
00:59You blocked me, but I'm still your emergency contact.
01:03And Denise didn't want you going back to the post office,
01:06which is so funny because I am banned from my post office too.
01:10It's like fate because I was in Maryland looking for you.
01:16And I found you!
01:18Hold up.
01:20Do you teach Peloton?
01:22I did.
01:23It just got too corporate.
01:24Guys, I died for four minutes while getting my boobs done.
01:27And God is an old white guy.
01:29He just is.
01:30Okay, let's go.
01:32Well, thank you for my phone.
01:33Artie, I just want to talk.
01:34No, thank you.
01:36Take care.
01:36Wait, wait, wait!
01:38She came all this way and you're not even going to hear her out?
01:41My boy, A.T., he's just looking out for himself.
01:44He said this is the woman that ruined his life.
01:47She's the reason why he even has to do my stupid documentary.
01:50I am sick and tired of the men in this house not listening to women.
01:54What did I do?
01:55Okay, fine.
01:56When I say men, I'm talking about Reggie Dinkins.
01:59I just want to set a wedding day, but he's dragging his feet.
02:02And not just to build up static on the rug so he can shock Rusty.
02:06This is a perfect birthday.
02:10Ooh, daddy!
02:11So you're gonna sit down and listen to this woman, Arthur.
02:16I love your outfit. Can I have it?
02:19Okay, Monica, I know how this sounds, okay?
02:21But believe me, this woman is...
02:22Crazy!
02:23Sorry, I'm just checking my news alerts.
02:25Why is the FDA telling me not to worry about bird measles?
02:28Did he escape?
02:30The fall and rise of Reggie Dinkins!
02:37This woman is just trying her best.
02:40Don't take away her voice, Arthur.
02:42Don't be a Ursula.
02:47No, no, no, Marty, Marty, no, no, no.
02:49You all stay.
02:50I want this on tape.
02:50Brina and Arthur are clearly dealing with their own stuff, but I do not have the bandwidth.
02:55The whole world is losing its mind.
02:57I had a couple of busy work days and didn't read the news, and now...
03:01They declared war on the ocean?!
03:04So, like, what are you shooting?
03:06Is this like a reverse blindside where you're bad at sports, and then the races are also reversed?
03:12And so is the adoptee's relative size to the family. I get it, Narcissa.
03:16Listen, I'm just really happy that you're working, okay?
03:18I felt so sorry when I found out that you were fired from Maryland.
03:22Sorry, like you were when you told Russell Crowe that I had been taking upskirts of his girlfriend just to
03:26see what would happen?
03:27He punched me, and then he made me listen to his band.
03:31Let's just get to the point. What do you want?
03:33I just want to say...
03:36I forgive you.
03:38Oh, my God! You better take a look at your personality before you start hanging s*** on me.
03:44That is a Russell Crowe lyric that I had to listen to.
03:47You forgive me? For what, exactly? For leaving?
03:50Well, yes.
03:52I left because I had to, Narcissa.
03:55The day after being fired, thanks to you, by the way, from the biggest job of my life,
03:59I woke up handcuffed in my bathtub like I was in a Saw movie
04:02while you were asleep in our bed with some guy that looked like Toilet Elvis.
04:05Let's get this over with you. Walt in here in those step-on-me boots.
04:10What do you want? Do you want money? An alibi?
04:13I don't want anything.
04:14If that's true, prove it and leave.
04:18Can we just, like, talk, you know, without the cameras?
04:21You are all saying this, right? She's saying she doesn't want anything, but now she won't leave.
04:25You are exactly the kind of woman that inspired Russell Crowe's album, Gaslight.
04:28My God, you just won't let it go that I slept with him that night.
04:30I didn't know that until just now. Okay, what will it take to get you out of here, right?
04:34I have $43. That's all I have in the world. Thanks to you. Please take it.
04:40I never should have come here.
04:41At last, we agree.
04:47We studied the trope of the crazy ex-girlfriend in my male allyship class.
04:51I mean, from Ophelia to Jane Eyre to Stacy in 1992's Wayne's World.
04:57It is kind of a cliche.
04:58Okay, well, so is pretentious director with a fancy accent, but then you meet one in real life.
05:03Wise beyond his years sitcom kid.
05:07The wedding planner sent these save-the-date samples over. I just feel like they're missing something.
05:13Postage, of course. I'm glad I can help.
05:15The date, Reggie. The save-the-date cards don't have a date. I have to book a caterer and a
05:22venue.
05:22I need to know what season I'm getting married in so I know how much fur to wear, because it's
05:26not none.
05:27Come on. Can we do this later, baby?
05:31How about a June wedding?
05:33I don't want to pull focus from Juneteenth.
05:35Okay, September.
05:369-11, back to school sales. Come on, Brenda, if you're not going to be serious about this.
05:40October.
05:40I don't want a spooky wedding.
05:42How about any time this winter?
05:45I'll ask you a season?
05:46This is ridiculous! I passed up on so many opportunities to monetize my brand because I thought I would be
05:52planning a wedding, going on a honeymoon, and monetizing that.
05:56So, hey, don't let me block your blessings, baby. I don't want to get in the way of your career.
06:00What is happening here? You asked me to marry you a hundred times before I said yes. In Italy? At
06:07Epstein's Island?
06:08That's not what it sounds like. Dr. Epstein is my optometrist. I also asked her at CVS.
06:14My point is, you wanted this too. But if you're not going to set a date?
06:20Baby, there's nothing more that I want than to marry you. But my deep commitment to feminism will not let
06:28me stand in the way of your career.
06:33Of course I want to marry Brina. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
06:38I'm just dragging my feet because that's what guys do. And I'm a guy. I love the Taylor Sheridan universe.
06:44And twins! Remember that?
06:51Narcissa Ocean did not come here to leave empty-handed.
06:58No. Don't open that door. That's her. She's back.
07:00Are you serious right now?
07:03I am so sorry. My car won't start and my phone is dead. Could I just use your phone to
07:10call a tow truck?
07:11No. Be gone.
07:12Of course. Come in.
07:14Don't listen to him. You stay as long as you need.
07:17This is all a ruse. A ruse, I tell you.
07:31You believe me, right? Marty.
07:35Oh, your name's Marty? Oh, that's so funny. If I was a boy, I would have named myself Randall, which
07:41is the same color as Marty.
07:43What? You all heard that, right? I am not the crazy one!
07:50Okay, I just need to split the towing fee over three different credit cards under three different names.
07:55Arthur Tobin! How long does it take for a documentary to change everyone in the world's mind about someone?
08:02What? Reggie, the biggest mistake I've made in my life is here in this house.
08:06But I like the beard.
08:07Narcissa, surely you of all people understand what it's like to have your past come back to haunt you.
08:11And that's why we gotta get this doc out now. Like today, or if possible, yesterday.
08:16No, Reggie, we're nowhere near done filming. Editing takes months, and I mean, I haven't even begun to think about
08:20a font for the titles.
08:21Franklin Gothic with a drop shadow. My Hall of Fame redemption needs to be done now.
08:27So get it done, or I'll use AI. Alan Alderson is a good friend. He knows movie magic!
08:35Where did you go?
08:41Real-life Donkey Kong. Gorilla kills man with barrel. What is up with my algorithm?
08:47That's just the world now. I only use my phone for photos and Duolingo. Hello. I'm learning English.
08:55Hey, Reggie. I know you don't want to get in the way of my career while you decide on a
08:59wedding date, so good news.
09:01You remember my ex.
09:02The prank guy who tricked you into joining the army? He's hilarious.
09:06No, not him. Francois.
09:08The greatest problem for the world is women's pleasure not being prioritized. Also nucleus.
09:15Oh, him. Boy, you have a type.
09:18Well, Francois has been bugging me forever to go on that show Ex Peninsula with him.
09:23Ten pairs of sexy exes. One tropical peninsula. The only rule? They're all now engaged to other people.
09:31I'm Tug Chase and this is Ex Peninsula.
09:34It'll be great exposure for my brand. Of course, I wouldn't go if I had a conflict coming up.
09:42I would never get in the way of your brand. Go for it, baby.
09:47Thanks, baby.
09:50Dude, you cannot let her do that show. It is horny garbage and I have seen every episode.
09:58What are you doing upstairs? This is not your house.
10:01Brina told me I could make myself at home, so I just took a little bath and now I'm gonna
10:06go make some tea.
10:08Do you still take yours with both milk and lemon?
10:09I never did. That is insane. The milk would curdle. I know you're up to something.
10:14Oh, and you're Mr. Innocent? Bringing those blue eyes in here?
10:20You know that's not a choice.
10:24Aha, so that's your plan, you harpy. You've come to lure me back into your web of sexual insanity. Well,
10:29not again.
10:30But why would I need to lure you back? After all, Artie, we're married.
10:39I'm not your ex. I'm really. Your fiancée.
10:44Wait. Jimma's ex and her fiancée are identical twins?
10:48No. They're triplets. Reggie, this show is made to get exes to hook up with each other.
10:54Brina would never cheat on me. She's just trying to make me jealous, so I set a wedding date.
10:58Wait, why won't you?
10:59If you know me at all, it's pretty obvious.
11:04Hey, we gotta do something, right?
11:05Yeah. We gotta know more about this show.
11:09Previously on X Peninsula.
11:11Naomi acts like she's the first person to ever drown on X Peninsula.
11:16Married. Of course. Do you excuse me for just a second?
11:21Honey, Narcissa has overplayed her hand, which is what she always does when she is in too deep.
11:27One time she took a job as a sign language interpreter. She does not know sign language.
11:31We both have fond memories of Egypt and the recollection of our last visit has drawn us back.
11:38When they wouldn't pay her, instead of walking away, she filed a lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
11:44No, I don't understand the question because I can't hear anything.
11:47Whatever her scam is, she slipped up.
11:51Mr. Reggie, I am François, 2026, sex champion of Europe.
11:56Désolé, I took my shoes off, but is this also a shirts-off household?
12:02What? No. You can see we all have shirts on. What's he doing here?
12:06He's here to record our submission tape for X Peninsula.
12:09This is very super cool of you. You must very trust how you say woman you're going to marry.
12:17Fiance!
12:17We do not have this word because in France, marriage is a joke.
12:22Brina wants to make me jealous.
12:24I am François.
12:25And I'm Brina.
12:26And we would like to, as we say where I come from,
12:30Participer dans votre émission afin que nous puissions être célèbres partout dans le monde.
12:37Yeah.
12:39Maybe I'll make her jealous.
12:41See, I know what I like. Butts.
12:45And as a feminist, I think men and women are equal.
12:49So let's see how Narcissa likes this but mine.
12:57Gemma, your ghost has invited you to the nudity closet.
13:01Oh!
13:03Hey!
13:03I can't believe she accepted his invitation to seven hours in heaven.
13:06But it's just to earn a Fabletics jealousy token.
13:09Mm-hmm.
13:10What a twist.
13:11Speaking of twists...
13:15Ha! My journals!
13:17Okay, so earlier I called the LA County clerk's office and guess what?
13:21They have no record of a Narcissa Louise Ocean marrying Arthur S. Tobin.
13:25And so...
13:26What does the S stand for?
13:28Sting.
13:28Marty.
13:29My parents met in the bathroom at a police concert.
13:32You happy?
13:32And these will prove that Narcissa and I never left Los Angeles.
13:36We met at a Lakers game.
13:38She was there to, quote, put her baby on Scottie Pippin Jr.
13:41and then the relationship ended the day after I was fired from Professor Squeeze.
13:46Which was...
13:51Oh, but I've never been to Vegas.
13:59Oops!
14:00I guess I'm a bad boy.
14:07The only problem with my plan is how far away the ground is.
14:12But I got a solution.
14:17Damn it.
14:19I'm so clumsy today.
14:21I see what's going on here.
14:24Getting older can be scary.
14:26It must be hard for Reggie to admit he needs help from his nurse, Brina.
14:32Not again.
14:34I dropped my grabber claw now, too.
14:37That's so hot, right?
14:38I know he's just trying to make me jealous.
14:41Showing off all that ham.
14:43But I don't get why he won't just give up.
14:46So now, I gotta take it to the next level.
14:49I started this game of chicken and I got all the chickens.
14:54I've never played chicken.
14:56What is it?
14:58Narcissa.
15:01I knew I made a lot of bad choices in 2024.
15:05I just thought that I remembered all of them.
15:08You're talking about Vegas, aren't you?
15:11Oh.
15:12Don't get me started on Vegas.
15:13Because I've never been and I'd be making it up.
15:16It took some digging, but I finally discovered what really happened after I was fired.
15:22Baby, are you sure you want to do this?
15:24You have to. If we're married, you can't testify against me for stealing that cop's gun.
15:27I'm a genius.
15:30Hurry, Mr. Presley.
15:31I really thought I was the victim.
15:34I blamed you for everything.
15:35But if I can't even remember Vegas...
15:39We were not good for each other, Artie.
15:42I mean, you let me give you a prison tattoo of my initials.
15:45What? When?
15:47Where?
15:49Okay, look, um...
15:50You wanted to talk, right?
15:56White love is weird.
15:58America has spoken.
16:00America has spoken.
16:00And you should bang!
16:06Reggie, I need to give you this.
16:09I can't wear it on X Peninsula.
16:12Isn't the whole point of the show that you're engaged?
16:14No. The whole point is on the peninsula, you're not.
16:24Seriously? You taking it?
16:26Is she still going on that show? Are you letting her?
16:28It's her fault. She's trying to make me jealous with that nerd.
16:32Holy hell.
16:34Well, Reggie was giving Tobin's wife front row seats to the ham factory.
16:38Why would there be seats in the ham factory, Brina?
16:41Thing!
16:42Okay, you two are acting like Bricks and Slinky on season four of X Peninsula.
16:47If the two of them had just gone to the Valtrex confession pool
16:50and had the courage to be honest with each other,
16:53they'd still be alive today.
16:55Monica, it's starting! If you missed the recap, you'll be confused!
17:06You weren't wrong. I did come here because I do want something from you.
17:10I knew it! You'll burn, witch!
17:11I am so sorry. That is force of habit.
17:16I want a divorce.
17:19After you left, I was pissed off.
17:21At first, I was going to do a Cape Fear.
17:23In what sense?
17:25Ride around under your car and seduce your daughter.
17:26But then I decided to lay low.
17:29Because maybe one day you'd get back on top and I'd swoop in and take half.
17:33I mean, I wasn't exaggerating before. I have $43.
17:36But I have been doing a lot of work on myself.
17:39And I realized...
17:42It's time to move on.
17:43My AI therapist tells me the truest form of closure is the cleansing violence of fire.
17:48But this is a good first step.
17:54I'm sorry for how I reacted when you first showed up.
17:57Clearly you aren't as far along on your healing journey.
18:00That's why I had to give you time to get there on your own.
18:07Well, you didn't give me time. Your car broke down.
18:25I'll see you in the monkey pages.
18:27Yes.
18:34Those were divorce papers, right?
18:37I didn't actually read them.
18:41But she's changed.
18:43It's fine.
18:44Right?
18:45This couple must now confess their true motivations or risk losing each other forever.
18:51Monica! I found it!
18:52I was sending the audio to the patio speakers.
18:56Wait, does that happen a lot?
18:58That you hear audio of stuff that I'm watching?
19:07This is a confession pool.
19:11My confession is, I love you.
19:14I don't want to ruin our wedding.
19:16You won't. You just gotta take your Imodium, baby.
19:19It's not just that.
19:21I just want it to be perfect.
19:23It's not gonna be perfect if every story about it starts with
19:27disgraced former football player marries blah, blah, blah.
19:32Hold up. That's it?
19:34I called in Francois-Henri for that?
19:38Reggie, if blah blah blah cared about that, she wouldn't be marrying you.
19:43Really? Because Bri, you're blah blah blah.
19:48You kinda jumped out the window about this wedding planning.
19:51The only reason I jumped out the window is because you were dragging your feet.
19:55And it was making me feel...
19:57What's the word? Issa Rae did a whole HBO about it.
20:01Insecure. I did not care for it.
20:04Do you think I could get anyone better than you?
20:08Maybe.
20:10Let's set a date for it right now.
20:13But I was serious about Halloween.
20:15Obviously. I'm not starting our marriage out haunted.
20:20Wow. You're watching history right now.
20:23The first engagement ever to make it through the peninsula.
20:26I hope she survives the loyalty swamp and swims home to Derek.
20:35Hey, Francois. Are you leaving?
20:37I say she will work here. He's done.
20:39Okay.
20:40Do you have a car coming or...?
20:41No. But things tend to work out for me.
20:43I have no needs.
20:46Only wants to come true.
20:51Yeah.
20:52He's gonna be fine.
20:54Oh.
20:57Oh, wow.
20:58It's morning.
21:00How long are we down there?
21:01Six seasons, 16 episodes per season, 44 minutes per episode.
21:0770 hours.
21:07Mom, it's Sunday.
21:09You missed church.
21:11Well, I needed it.
21:12I had to turn my brain off and get a break from the insanity.
21:15Now I'm recharged, ready to face the world.
21:19Women aren't allowed to do what now?
21:21What an episode.
21:23For all of us here at X Peninsula, I'm Tug Chase and I'm AI.
21:29Good night, everybody.
21:30Good night.
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