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00:18¡SuscrÃbete al canal!
00:36Chuck Schumer welcomes viewers to tonight's episode of Have I Got News For You.
00:41Tonight is going to be long, painful, and tedious.
00:46On Amber's team tonight, she's a journalist for Puck and the author of a feminist history of Russia called Motherland.
00:53And I'll ask her if it's true that in Soviet Russia, dog walks you.
00:57It's Julia Yaffe.
01:02And joining Michael, you know him from Around the Horn, highly questionable game theory in his podcast, The Right Time
01:09with Beaumont Jones.
01:10And I'll ask this Emmy winner if he understands the rules of curling, because I still don't.
01:15It is Beaumont Jones.
01:19All right, let's play the feud.
01:21Time for the biggest stories of the week.
01:23Amber, Julia, watch the clip.
01:25Tell me what's the story.
01:27The story is Trump.
01:29He's pointing over there, because you know what's over there?
01:32This asshole.
01:33Little guy.
01:34And dogs fighting.
01:36Just normal America stuff.
01:38Voting.
01:38I think I see what it is.
01:40Do you?
01:40Yeah.
01:40Okay, tell him.
01:43Is it them fighting over the SAVE Act?
01:47Republicans are trying to keep the president in check, while the Democrats are just kind of hoping that a giant
01:52meteor takes out planet Earth.
01:55Short of that, they'd like to win some elections, and one congressional Democrat plays an exciting game of would you
02:01rather.
02:01I would rather stick forks in my eyes than be here tonight to listen to Donald Trump talk about the
02:07State of the Union.
02:09Michael, what would you say the State of the Union is right now?
02:12Well, here on CNN, now owned apparently by Paramount, the State of the Union has never been better, and we
02:19have Donald Trump to thank for it.
02:25His speech was mostly Donald Trump's usual talking points, but he did his best to make it must-see TV
02:32with some thrilling cinematic reveals.
02:35I'm thrilled to say that he is here tonight with his wife Amy, Eric, and Amy, come on in.
02:42Alejandro, I'm pleased to inform you that not only has your uncle been released, but he is here tonight.
02:49We brought him over to celebrate his freedom with you in person. Enrique, please come down.
02:55Because when I just get let out of something, that's who I want to hang out with.
02:59Now, the speech was many things, but mostly it was long.
03:04The president broke his own record for the longest presidential address to Congress, speaking for one hour and 47 minutes.
03:11Now, lengthy speeches like that usually have some sort of overall theme.
03:15If you're going to talk to the populace for an hour and 45 minutes or so, you want a main
03:20message or a through line.
03:22But, buddy, what vibes did you get from the State of the Union?
03:24Same vibe as always, man.
03:26Fuck him!
03:29The theme from the president's speech appeared to be slow, agonizing death.
03:35One bullet after another, violently and viciously, shredding his leg into numerous pieces, bleeding profusely, dead in a bathtub, blood
03:45all over, gushing blood which was flowing back down the aisle, helicopter lands at a steep angle.
03:52Terrible speech, great movie pitch.
03:56It's American carnage.
03:58Again, like his first inauguration speech.
04:01Now, partway through the speech, the president tried to trick the Democrats with what he believed was a make or
04:07break question.
04:08Does anyone know what he asked of the Democrats?
04:11Are you sick of me yet?
04:14If you agree with his statement, then stand up and show your support.
04:20The first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens, not illegal aliens.
04:41But Trump knew what he was doing there because it's a bad look if you stand up.
04:45It's a bad look if you sit down.
04:47And he knew it.
04:48He hit that shit like Larry Bird at the three-point contest.
04:50He didn't even get done with it.
04:52He was already turning around, celebrating.
04:54He didn't even get finished saying it like, watch what's about to happen.
04:56He knew he did it.
04:58He knew he did it.
04:59If there's one Democrat that seems to have it figured out on how to play these State of the
05:03Union addresses, it's the old Texas boy, Al Green.
05:10No, it's not that Al Green.
05:15This gentleman is in the Congress.
05:17We have the smartest audience on CNN.
05:24I got you.
05:27Al Green is a singer.
05:29He's also a congressman.
05:32Does anyone know what Rep.
05:34Al Green did at this year's State of the Union?
05:36He held up a sign that said black people are not apes.
05:38Then the Sandman came along and was like...
05:43Sandman is on the Apollo.
05:47Here's Al Green just a few minutes into the president's speech.
05:56He got kicked out.
05:57Now, if that looks familiar, it's because Al Green did the same thing last year.
06:02Different size.
06:03State of the Union usually starts right at 9 o'clock.
06:05Last year, Al Green got kicked out at 924.
06:07This year, Al Green got kicked out at 914 p.m.
06:12Now, shave 10 minutes off his time.
06:17That's a champion.
06:19Every year, he say he gonna show up.
06:21Every year, he tells somebody, I'm gonna be there at 930.
06:24So, can I make a prediction for next year?
06:26Yeah.
06:26Al Green will get kicked out at 904.
06:29As soon as Trump get on stage, Al Green pull out that Uber app.
06:37Now, that was Al Green strategy.
06:38And, uh, one Democrat did the bravest thing of all.
06:42They went to the State of the Union,
06:44but wearing a pin with Donald Trump as Pinocchio.
06:48Ah.
06:49I'll show him.
06:49Damn, boy.
06:51Don't worry.
06:52Chuck Schumer pulled out the big guns.
06:55Oh, all right.
06:56This is gonna be good.
06:57Mm-hmm.
06:58Did he write a letter again?
07:00Chuck Schumer went on social media.
07:01Oh.
07:02Oh.
07:02And he wrote,
07:03last night was not America's State of the Union.
07:06It was Trump's state of delusion.
07:09Oh, shit.
07:10Damn.
07:11The senator posted that the day after the State of the Union.
07:16Oh, he stayed up all night thinking about that.
07:17Yeah.
07:18What should I say?
07:18State of the Union, state of collusion.
07:21What else rhyme with unions?
07:24Now, what good news did the Democrats receive on Tuesday?
07:28Wait, there was good news?
07:30I mean, no one told me.
07:31While Trump was up there doing all his yelling about blood and helicopters and all of that,
07:36Democrats won a special election in Maine's 94th State House District,
07:40and Democrats won two special elections for the State House in Pennsylvania,
07:45keeping their majority there intact.
07:47How are Republicans preparing to make sure that that never happens again?
07:53Election fraud.
07:54It's not fraud if it's no election at all.
07:57You know what I mean?
07:58In his speech on Tuesday,
08:00Trump talked about exactly how they're going to do it.
08:04I'm asking you to approve the Save America Act.
08:08All voters must show proof of citizenship in order to vote.
08:15I love how J.D. Vance kept his glass covered.
08:17The whole speech.
08:20Got that Cosby napkin on top of his shit.
08:24You know why, right?
08:26Heng's set's only like 15 feet away.
08:29Why is the Save America Act actually a real threat?
08:33Because when you get married, your name is different than the name you were given.
08:37Ooh.
08:38So then you're fucked.
08:40Yeah, the Save Act requires documents like birth certificates and passports to register to vote.
08:47But the hitch is millions of Americans do not have access to either of those documents,
08:53and half of them don't even have a passport at all.
08:57Some of us do have library cards, which is a passport to adventure.
09:00That is not the same.
09:02They're basically setting up a dragnet of paperwork to make it eligible for you to vote.
09:07Are we really sure we want women to vote?
09:10Okay.
09:12I'm just asking questions.
09:14I'm just asking questions, guys.
09:15The Save Act has extra restrictions in place for women voters.
09:19Now, since women often change their names when they get married...
09:21And are feeble-minded.
09:22Yes.
09:23Heads too small.
09:24Yeah, that too.
09:25And there's a lot of uterus juice in there.
09:30Since women can often change their names because of marriage,
09:33and the birth certificates no longer match their driver's licenses,
09:37which means they can't vote because their paperwork ain't right,
09:40Republicans claim women should bring in their marriage certificate,
09:44which is a thing that everybody just absolutely has, just laying around the house.
09:48Here's South Dakota Senator Mike Rounds.
09:50If you get married, you show them your marriage certificate,
09:54and you're on your way once again.
09:56So, yeah, it's out there.
09:59It's a no-brainer.
10:00You're going to walk in like a paralegal,
10:02rolling like a thing of paperwork to register?
10:05Julia, if you're a woman and you've gotten married,
10:08if you want to vote because the names don't match,
10:11you go upstairs to the attic and you get your marriage certificate license,
10:15and then you remember it's not there,
10:16so you drive to the storage spot where you put it
10:18because you didn't have a lot of space after the basement flooded,
10:21and then you realize it's not there.
10:23And they actually auctioned your storage unit
10:25because the credit card had expired, and you didn't know it.
10:27And you don't check that email account.
10:29And now you've got to figure out how to get a whole new marriage license.
10:33It's easy.
10:37I don't understand the complaining from this side of the...
10:41This side doesn't see the issue, I'll be honest.
10:44So a lot of these things that Republicans do to kind of make sure elections go their way
10:50tend to backfire, like the redistricting, right?
10:53I'm thinking of the kinds of women who get married and change their name.
10:57Like, do they all vote Democrat, or do a lot of them vote Republican?
11:02Hmm. I think what you're saying is...
11:05Because Democratic women are whores who don't get married,
11:08and they just stay with their cats.
11:10Jeremy!
11:12Oh.
11:14Now, why does the president claim we need all of these incredibly strict voting laws across all genders?
11:21Because the Republicans are about to get their asses handed to them in the midterms.
11:26One group that keeps a database of voter fraud crimes claims that they found fewer than 100 cases
11:33of non-citizens voting between 2002 and 2022.
11:37So that's about five people a year.
11:40That's not a big deal.
11:41Like, you eat five Legos a year, you'll live.
11:45The average American eats five Legos while they're asleep every night.
11:50As stringent as the voter ID requirements are,
11:53some conservatives are saying that even still, they want more.
11:57Watch as Fox Businesses, Maria Bartiromo, uh, takes a real left turn.
12:02How do we know that the driver's license, uh, is going to be adequate
12:07if you have heard stories that they're giving driver's licenses to illegals?
12:14Again, there's no evidence that non-citizens are voting in our elections, Maria.
12:17We have seen many cases, in fact, that illegals have, in fact,
12:22tried to vote.
12:23You even have illegals driving big trucks,
12:26and they can't even read the signs because they're in English.
12:29What did that sentence even mean?
12:33Michael and Beaumonti, watch the clip.
12:34Tell me, what is the story?
12:36Oh, I've heard about that guy.
12:38That's our friend, Jeffrey Epstein.
12:39What do you mean, our?
12:39Uh, he's getting arrested.
12:42Letter of resignation.
12:44Who is that?
12:44Oh, oh, oh.
12:45Oh, that's that guy, Comer.
12:46Oh, and then, and then Hillary Clinton.
12:48Let's go get the polls together.
12:50Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
12:51I think it's a story about all the people who have gotten in trouble
12:55because of Jeffrey Epstein, except for Donald Trump.
12:58The story is, everything with the Epstein case is still looming large
13:01over the corridors of power.
13:03Uh, Congress is finally getting around to taking depositions,
13:07and another influential man resigned from his job this week.
13:12Question, what powerful, influential man is stepping down this week?
13:18It's, uh, it's Larry Summers from Harvard.
13:20Oh, Larry.
13:21Yeah, Larry used to work at the bank.
13:22The CEO of the World Economic Forum, Borge Brende, stepped down this week,
13:27just a day after Harvard University announced that their former president,
13:32Larry Summers, is resigning over his friendship with Epstein.
13:37What other powerful man publicly apologized for associating with Epstein?
13:43Oh, ooh.
13:44Oh.
13:44Bill Gates.
13:45Gates?
13:46Oh, yeah.
13:47Did you agree?
13:47Did you know?
13:48Yes.
13:49Yeah.
13:49But only after you said it.
13:53Yes, it is Bill Gates who issued an apology.
13:57The old B-Jeezy apologized to the staff of his charitable foundation
14:01for spending time with Epstein.
14:05Bill Gates also admitted to having affairs with two women,
14:09at least one of which Epstein reportedly found out about
14:12and tried to blackmail him over.
14:15I have to stop you right fast, because I saw a headline that we went past.
14:18Did that say Russian bridge player?
14:20Yes.
14:21How old is she?
14:27But these are just resignations and apologies.
14:29Ultimately, we won arrests, and there was one this week.
14:32What big Epstein vs. arrest happened this week?
14:37Former ambassador to the U.S. from the U.K., Peter Mandelson.
14:41Peter Mandelson, you'll remember he's the U.K.'s former ambassador to the U.S.,
14:46has been arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office.
14:49Does anybody remember what Peter Mandelson wrote in the Jeffrey Epstein birthday book?
14:55No, but I'm sure it was fine.
15:01Peter wrote a note referencing Jeffrey's, quote,
15:05Glorious homes that he likes to share with his friends, parentheses, yum yum.
15:13Now, he just said yum yum, but all I heard was...
15:21This was for his 50th birthday.
15:24I've got friends in their 50s, male friends.
15:27I can guarantee you I have never said yum yum to one of them.
15:31Until now, Bomani?
15:35Yum yum.
15:38So what part of the show is it where we change teams?
15:46Meanwhile, in America, there was some American accountability happening.
15:49Both Bill and Hillary Clinton gave closed-door depositions
15:53before the House Oversight Committee.
15:54It all went down at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center,
15:58where next month you can also catch
16:00The Seven Wonders, a tribute to Fleetwood Mac.
16:04After denying the Clinton's request for an open hearing,
16:07here's what happened during Hillary's deposition.
16:10Clinton's testimony was briefly paused today
16:12when a conservative podcaster posted this photo of her online.
16:17The podcaster Benny Johnson said it was provided
16:19by Republican Congresswoman Lauren Boebert,
16:22despite rules that prevented photos inside that room.
16:25Honestly, if we're talking about Lauren Boebert and leaked photos,
16:29this is best-case scenario.
16:32The photo leak did derail the deposition for about half an hour.
16:36Here's Hillary on how her day went.
16:38I don't know how many times I had to say
16:40I did not know Jeffrey Hepstein.
16:42I never went to his island.
16:45I never went to his homes.
16:46I never went to his offices.
16:48I mean, the one thing I feel like we definitely knew
16:50was that Hillary was not invited to that island.
16:55Like, I'm not...
16:56And I'm not...
16:59While I myself would not want to go to that island,
17:02imagine for a second you were going to that island
17:04looking for a good time,
17:06and then Hillary Clinton pulls up.
17:09Everybody, go home!
17:10Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, get dressed!
17:12Get dressed!
17:12Yeah, but there are a lot of headlines coming out of Chappaqua.
17:15The real headline coming out of Chappaqua
17:16was, Echoes of the Eagles coming this April
17:19to the Chappaqua National Park Center!
17:22The number one Eagles tribute for vocal harmonies.
17:26Do they even need to talk to the Clintons at all?
17:28Oh, I know.
17:29Do you remember when Hillary Clinton
17:32was the first lady of Arkansas?
17:34Okay.
17:34And she was Hillary Rodham.
17:37Okay.
17:37And Republicans were like,
17:39that is unacceptable for you to not have
17:41a different last name than your husband.
17:43So they...
17:44So then they put all this pressure on her
17:46and she changed her name to Hillary Rodham Clinton.
17:49So maybe this is all about just not letting Hillary vote.
17:53See where you...
17:53Stop!
17:54Stop!
17:55You landed the plane!
17:57Well...
18:01We'll be right back.
18:10Welcome back.
18:12It's time for the Offender Meter.
18:14Teams have to tell us who's the offender,
18:16what they did,
18:17and who they offended.
18:18Let's have some fun.
18:19Show me an offender, please.
18:24This is Kash Patel.
18:27Yes.
18:27His left eye offended his right eye
18:29by staring at him.
18:32Yes, indeed.
18:34Have you ever seen a dog when the can open and...
18:39Food?
18:39Yes, that is FBI Director Kash Patel.
18:43Who did he offend this week?
18:45He took a private jet.
18:48Oh, points.
18:49Yeah, I hear you that.
18:50I hear you that.
18:51I was on this show a year ago
18:53and we talked about the same exact thing.
18:55Because he's still taking the jet.
18:57He sure is.
18:57You can't go back to take a commercial.
19:00Now, first and foremost,
19:03Kash Patel offended former FBI Director Christopher Wray
19:06by saying this on a podcast two years ago.
19:10I'm just saying Chris Wray doesn't need
19:11a government-funded G5 jet to go to vacation.
19:14Maybe we ground that plane.
19:16$15,000 every time it takes off.
19:20Now, why is it weird that Kash Patel
19:23would criticize an FBI Director
19:25for using a private jet?
19:27Because he does that shit all the time.
19:30Points.
19:33Yes, Kash Patel is under fire
19:35once again for his use of a private plane.
19:38This time, Kash went to Italy
19:39and caught some of the Olympic Games.
19:42Here he is in the locker room
19:43with the U.S. men's hockey team.
19:45Now, before we show you this clip,
19:46I want you to know
19:47Kash Patel played zero minutes in this game.
19:52But here he is celebrating their gold medal win.
20:10I want to know who the sucker is
20:12that gave him the gold medal.
20:14Like, I would personally believe
20:16that you have worked a little bit too hard
20:18to let, you know, cosplay with you.
20:21But how did you refer to Kash Patel?
20:27It's like that Naughty by Nature song came on.
20:32Here's what I've learned, man.
20:33We've deemed a lot of things to be offensive.
20:36Um, laughing at people being cross-eyed,
20:39still in style.
20:41Never going away.
20:42Now, question for the panel.
20:44How much money did Kash Patel's Euro trip
20:47cost the United States taxpayers?
20:49$7 million.
20:53Estimates put the cost of Patel's trip
20:55at likely as much as $75,000.
20:59Oh, that's fine.
21:01Now, this all might sound very trivial,
21:04but this week saw even more revelations
21:05about Patel and his plane usage.
21:08What came out this week
21:09about Kash and government jets?
21:11He lives in one.
21:13Uh, according to a whistleblower
21:15who came forward to Congress,
21:17Kash has been using FBI jets,
21:19and his usage of FBI jets
21:21for all these random things
21:22has interfered with the whole
21:24solving crime stuff
21:26that you're supposed to do with the FBI.
21:28One FBI team assigned to the investigation
21:30of the shooting of Charlie Kirk
21:33had their deployment delayed
21:35by at least a day.
21:37Ooh.
21:37I heard that he...
21:41Remember when there was a shooting
21:42at Brown University?
21:44Oh, yeah.
21:44They couldn't get the special FBI agents
21:47up there fast enough
21:48because Kash Patel was using the plane for fun.
21:51Oh, y'all are on it today.
21:52And that's not all.
21:54The FBI response team was delayed
21:56in responding to December's mass shooting
21:59at Brown University
22:00because there was no available plane
22:02for them to take.
22:04Director Kash Patel was in Florida
22:06with one of those jets.
22:07I'm just wondering, like,
22:08is there not a regular flight
22:09they could get?
22:09Well, yeah, I had that same question, too.
22:12Like, you need a private plane
22:13to fight crime.
22:13I'm gonna need the hands.
22:15I'm gonna need the hands.
22:17I was trying not to do it,
22:19you know what I mean?
22:20But it's five minutes till three,
22:22you know what I'm saying?
22:23And I'm just like,
22:24do you need a private plane
22:25to fight crime is all I'm asking.
22:28It's five minutes till three?
22:30Oh, my God!
22:33So Kash Patel was holding
22:34one FBI plane
22:36and using another one
22:38in South Florida.
22:39Question to the panel,
22:40what was Kash Patel doing
22:42in South Florida
22:43in the first damn place?
22:45Visiting his mama.
22:47Chugging beers?
22:48Chugging beers with his mama.
22:51And you know what time
22:52they were supposed to get together?
22:56I'm not looking.
22:58Oh, boy.
23:00An FBI official said
23:01Kash Patel was using the jet
23:03to visit his elderly parents.
23:06You're not allowed
23:07to awe Kash Patel.
23:10The hell is the matter
23:11with you people?
23:12Wait, so then,
23:13couldn't he have just
23:14taken a regular flight?
23:15Same way?
23:16No, he had to get there
23:18by 2.55.
23:22And there were no more flights.
23:25Let's see your offender.
23:26Who is this offender?
23:28He's some guy going,
23:29eh?
23:31That is Anthropics CEO
23:33Dario Amadei,
23:35seen here telling Honey
23:36that he did, in fact,
23:37shrink the kids.
23:39Who did Dario offend?
23:42The Pentagon.
23:43Pete Hegseth.
23:44Pete Hegseth.
23:45Ooh, double points.
23:46Yes, Dario offended
23:47former Fox Weekend anchor
23:49and current
23:50every other weekend
23:51father,
23:52Secretary of War,
23:53Pete Hegseth.
23:55How did Dario offend?
23:57This is one of those stories
23:58where we're on the side
24:00of AI for some reason.
24:02Yeah, he was like,
24:03you wildin' right now, y'all.
24:04This is going way too far.
24:07The man who has AI.
24:08So the Pentagon wants
24:10to have Anthropics AI
24:13to be able to do
24:15all lawful orders.
24:17And Anthropics is saying,
24:20if we allow you to do that
24:22and then you decide, Pentagon,
24:24that we can have
24:24autonomous robots
24:26just blowing people up everywhere,
24:28we'd rather our AI
24:29was not used for that purpose.
24:31And the Pentagon said,
24:33go fuck yourself.
24:34Yeah.
24:35But what old Buddy
24:36doesn't realize is
24:37if the AI decides
24:38actually the Pentagon's
24:40idea is better,
24:41it's still going to do that shit.
24:43Yes.
24:44Dario offended Pete
24:45by asking for guardrails
24:47around the Pentagon's use
24:48of his company's
24:49artificial intelligence.
24:51Here's what went down
24:52earlier this week.
24:53Anthropics was awarded
24:54a $200 million defense contract
24:56last summer
24:57in a meeting with
24:57the Pentagon on Tuesday.
24:59Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth
25:00gave CEO Dario Amade
25:02until the end of the week
25:03to sign a document
25:05ensuring the military
25:06would have full access
25:07to the company's AI model.
25:09Yeah.
25:09And so Anthropic,
25:10they have a government contract,
25:11the government contract's in place,
25:12and now Hexf wants full access
25:15to the product,
25:16and we all agree
25:16that is not a good idea
25:19because we've all seen
25:20Terminator 2.
25:21Mm-hmm.
25:23Can we pull up
25:24that picture again?
25:24because this is like
25:25a billion-dollar company.
25:27Their logo is a butthole.
25:33Now, Anthropic isn't so sure
25:34about whether or not
25:36the Pentagon should have
25:37complete all access
25:38to their AI question.
25:40What was the disagreement
25:41about between Anthropic
25:43and the Pentagon?
25:44They have, like,
25:45this whole
25:45will they, won't they.
25:50That's exactly what it is.
25:51We don't know
25:52if the Pentagon's gonna do
25:53what they say they're gonna do
25:54with the technology
25:55once we get it to them.
25:56Oh, great.
25:57Then that's how I meant that.
25:58I know.
26:00Here's the main sticking point
26:02on the issue.
26:02The areas that Anthropic
26:03says it doesn't want
26:04the military using its model
26:06are for mass surveillance
26:07of Americans
26:08and fully autonomous weapons.
26:10Exactly.
26:10You don't want
26:11autonomous weapons?
26:12Guns don't kill people.
26:13Well, now, guns will
26:15be the thing killing the people.
26:17Hold on.
26:18There might be a bright side.
26:19They did a study
26:20with this Anthropic stuff
26:22with Claude,
26:22and they told Claude
26:24that they were gonna
26:24shut Claude down
26:25and they ran a bunch
26:26of simulations
26:27and 84% of the time,
26:29Claude's response
26:29was to blackmail
26:31the company
26:32so that the company
26:33could not shut Claude down.
26:34I'm just saying,
26:36Claude might save us all.
26:38Yeah, Headset was pushing
26:39to remove restrictions
26:41on fully autonomous
26:42weapons systems
26:43and that's probably
26:44gonna be a bad idea
26:45because it all came
26:46to a head on Thursday
26:47when Anthropic
26:47finally rejected
26:49the Pentagon's terms
26:50for lethal use
26:51of their chatbot.
26:52Let's just take it
26:53around the horn.
26:54Do we want
26:54artificial intelligence
26:56in our military?
26:57Hey, let him finish.
26:59Sorry.
26:59Roy, go ahead.
27:00Do you want
27:01artificial intelligence
27:01in your military?
27:02No.
27:05And maybe one reason
27:07why a lot of people
27:08feel like that
27:09is because AI
27:10can't stop recommending
27:12nuclear strikes
27:13in war game simulations.
27:15A researcher
27:17at King's College
27:18in London
27:18found that AI models
27:19from OpenAI Anthropic
27:21and Google
27:22opted to use
27:23nuclear weapons
27:24in simulated war games
27:25in 95%
27:27of the cases.
27:29Okay, but why don't
27:30we say only 95%?
27:33There's still 5%
27:34where everything's fine.
27:35Okay.
27:36What do you think
27:37AI expert Donald Trump
27:39had to say
27:40about the whole
27:40Hex-Saf-Dario...
27:42That he's been
27:42fully exonerated.
27:46He's like,
27:47I want to meet
27:47this Claude guy
27:48everybody's talking about.
27:50On Friday,
27:51Trump posted,
27:52quote,
27:52we will decide
27:53the fate of our country,
27:55not some out-of-control,
27:57radical-left AI company
27:58run by people
27:59who have no idea
28:01what the real world
28:02is all about.
28:03That was
28:04Offendimator.
28:04We'll be right back.
28:06Thank you.
28:14Welcome back.
28:16It's time for
28:16Lie Curious.
28:18I give you
28:19three biographical details
28:20about a public figure,
28:21but only one is true.
28:22You have to get
28:23which is true
28:24and which are
28:24despicable lies.
28:26Time for three facts
28:27about United States
28:29Special Envoy
28:30to the Middle East
28:30and Wolf Blitzer
28:32before a full moon,
28:34Steve Witkoff.
28:36Our facts about Steve are
28:37he befriended Trump
28:39at a deli
28:40at 3 a.m. in 1986.
28:42He has a weekly meal
28:43called Tortellini Tuesdays.
28:45He was the executive producer
28:47of the UPN sitcom
28:48Shasta McNasty.
28:50Which one is the truth?
28:52I'm rooting for three.
28:53We're going with
28:53Shasta McNasty.
28:54What with the premise
28:55of the sitcom
28:56Shasta McNasty?
28:57You don't remember?
28:58I just remember it existed
28:59and I knew when I saw the title
29:01I wasn't gonna watch it.
29:03Team Amber?
29:04Number three,
29:05can't be real
29:06because of the way
29:07Roy acted.
29:09So it has to be one.
29:10What do you mean
29:11it can't be real
29:12because it can't be real?
29:13Roy didn't know
29:13what it was.
29:15So it doesn't exist
29:16so we're not about
29:17to show a clip of it.
29:19I know everything.
29:20It's number one.
29:22Do you know the real answer?
29:23I do.
29:23Is it number one?
29:24Yes.
29:25It's number one!
29:27Steve Witkoff
29:28befriended Donald Trump
29:30in a deli
29:30at 3 a.m.
29:32in 1986.
29:34Does anyone know
29:35what favor Steve Witkoff
29:36did for Trump
29:37when they met
29:38at the deli?
29:39Ooh, I don't even
29:39want to think of it.
29:40He let him borrow
29:42some money.
29:42To do what?
29:43To buy his food.
29:45Points!
29:49Steve Witkoff
29:50bought Trump
29:51a sandwich.
29:52I'll be damned.
29:53The story came to light
29:54when Witkoff testified
29:55in one of Trump's
29:56fraud trials
29:57telling the court,
29:58quote,
29:58I ordered him
29:59a ham and Swiss
30:00because Trump
30:00didn't have any cash
30:01on him at the time
30:02and now they're friends.
30:03How long was Trump
30:05sitting in that deli
30:06waiting for somebody
30:07to come along?
30:08This week,
30:08Steve Witkoff
30:09was accompanied
30:10by evil Pee-wee Herman,
30:11Jared Kushner,
30:12in Geneva
30:13for some diplomatic talks
30:14with Iran.
30:15Things are tense
30:16with Iran right now
30:17and Trump's been
30:17ramping up military presence
30:19in the region.
30:20And last weekend,
30:21Special Envoy Witkoff
30:22told Fox News
30:22that Iran is only
30:24a week away
30:25from developing
30:27nuclear bomb-making materials.
30:29Question,
30:31what makes that announcement
30:32so surprising?
30:34Well, we obliterated it.
30:36Yeah, we obliterated
30:37their nuclear program,
30:39friends forever,
30:40we obliterated
30:41their nuclear program
30:42according to
30:43the Trump administration.
30:44Said it back
30:45by decades,
30:46if not centuries.
30:48And that was in June.
30:49Eight months ago,
30:50the White House
30:50issued a press release
30:51with the title,
30:52Iran's nuclear facilities
30:53have been obliterated
30:55and suggestions otherwise
30:57are fake news.
31:00So, when you're
31:01one week out
31:02from having
31:03a nuclear program,
31:04what is there left
31:05to do in that last week?
31:06The last part
31:07of the nuclear program
31:08in developing
31:09your warheads,
31:10this just put the stickers
31:10on the missiles.
31:11Oh, okay.
31:13Big flame,
31:14so it looks like
31:15it's going fast.
31:17Time for three facts
31:18about Nicki Minaj.
31:20Yay!
31:21Yes.
31:22Scene here thinking
31:23about the Kid Rock duet
31:25she's gonna have
31:25to do pretty soon.
31:28Our facts about
31:29Nicki Minaj are
31:30she has a stand shrine
31:32to Russell Crowe.
31:33She used to sell
31:34fire extinguishers.
31:36She's allergic
31:37to her own perfume line.
31:39Team Amber.
31:40She has a stand shrine
31:42to Russell Crowe.
31:43That, I think,
31:43might be true.
31:44You don't think
31:45number two would be like,
31:46oh, I had this
31:46hardscrabble youth
31:48and I, I,
31:49instead of selling...
31:50Fire extinguishers.
31:50Well, some people
31:51sell candy on the subway
31:52and some people
31:53sell fire extinguishers.
31:54You're saying
31:54she went on the subway
31:57had fire extinguishers.
31:58I'm just saying
31:59she needed money
32:00for her basketball team.
32:01It's like,
32:02what time is it?
32:02It's showtime.
32:03Who wants
32:04a fire extinguisher?
32:06I want to see
32:06the person that's like,
32:07hey, hey,
32:07in fact,
32:08let me get two.
32:09You want a red
32:10or a white one?
32:11Let me get two reds
32:11and you can get one white.
32:12I'm going with number three
32:14because of her dedication
32:15to alienating anybody
32:16that would want to like
32:18her in the first place.
32:19Nicki Minaj
32:20sold fire.
32:24Is there a fire
32:26extinguisher store
32:26you go to?
32:28Yeah, great.
32:28Where you ring it up
32:29and you're like,
32:29oh, who helped you
32:30with these fire extinguishers?
32:32Nicki over there,
32:33she was wonderful.
32:35This has been
32:36Lycurious.
32:37More after the break.
32:48Welcome back.
32:49It's time for
32:49missing words.
32:51Here's your headline.
32:53Arizona clerk sued
32:54for trying to blank.
32:56Dang, look at the size of that.
32:57Redact the Epstein files.
32:59Apparently,
33:00quite a few things.
33:01Arizona store clerk sued
33:02for trying to cash in
33:04$12.8 million lottery ticket
33:06left behind by a customer.
33:08Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
33:09What?
33:09You can sue for that?
33:11You find it.
33:12It's yours.
33:12You left it.
33:13Yeah.
33:13No, but there's nuance
33:14to the story
33:15because the clerk
33:15is being sued
33:16by his employer,
33:18Circle K.
33:18He tried to cash in
33:20the winning lottery ticket
33:21that somebody else
33:22was supposed to buy,
33:23but they left the ticket
33:24because they didn't have
33:24enough money.
33:25Here's how authorities
33:26say it all went down.
33:27The cashier printed $85 worth of tickets.
33:30The customer paid for $60 worth
33:32and left.
33:33The remaining tickets
33:34sat on the counter.
33:35The next morning,
33:36store manager Robert Galitza
33:38came in to start his shift.
33:39He quickly learned
33:40a winning ticket
33:41had been printed
33:41at his store
33:42the night before.
33:43He clocked out,
33:44took off his Circle K uniform,
33:46and walked back in
33:47as a customer,
33:48paying $10
33:48for the remaining tickets,
33:50including the one
33:51he already knew
33:51was worth nearly $13 million.
33:54Okay,
33:55that sort of ingenuity
33:56is the reason
33:57America's so great.
33:58That's how we got here.
34:01You think it's brilliant
34:02to just take your shirt off
34:04and come back in?
34:04Oh,
34:05I am customer.
34:07I have on glasses
34:08and mustache.
34:08It was worth a try.
34:09I love that he thought
34:10of it immediately.
34:11He had to try something.
34:13You're holding
34:13millions of dollars
34:15in your hand.
34:15You gotta give it a shot.
34:16Those tickets
34:17weren't paid for.
34:18He paid for those tickets.
34:20He paid for them.
34:22He paid for them
34:23the day after
34:24the drawing
34:25had already been done.
34:26He paid for them.
34:27So the fuck what?
34:27He paid for them.
34:28He should have got
34:29a discount on them.
34:30They was old.
34:31That's like...
34:35So, Circle K
34:37is suing the manager
34:38that bought the ticket
34:39because according
34:40to state rep
34:40Jeff Winogar,
34:42the administrative rules
34:43say that if the store
34:44overprints tickets,
34:45the store owns
34:46those tickets.
34:47Circle K
34:48might have just won
34:50$12.8 million.
34:53He paid for those tickets!
34:55The next day!
34:56The whole point
34:56of the lottery
34:57is to bet.
34:58You're supposed to risk
34:59your $25 before the drawing
35:01and then they have the drawing
35:02and then you sit there
35:03nervous and your wife Tammy
35:04comes in and go,
35:05baby, you promised
35:06to stop gambling.
35:07You go, get out of here!
35:09And then you win
35:10and then you leave your wife.
35:12You have to risk something.
35:14He risked
35:15nothing!
35:17Here's your headline.
35:18Authorities accuse man
35:19of blank after uncovering
35:21shocking security footage.
35:23Authorities accuse man
35:24of going to Beetlejuice
35:26and sitting next
35:27to Lauren Boebert
35:28after uncovering
35:30shocking security footage.
35:31Authorities accuse man
35:32of training a dog
35:33to illegally dump his trash
35:35after uncovering
35:36shocking security footage.
35:38Shocking security footage?
35:39Adorable security footage?
35:42Authorities in Sicily
35:43say they suspected a man
35:44had trained his dog
35:45to illegally dump garbage bags
35:47on the side of the road
35:48after seeing security footage
35:50of the dog doing the same thing
35:53two or three days in a row.
35:54Let's take a look at the evidence.
35:56Here's the dog
35:56on the first night
35:57with the garbage bags.
36:02So you can say
36:03that's one night
36:04that's an anomaly, right?
36:05But then here's the police
36:07watching video
36:08of that same dog
36:09the next night.
36:13That dog doesn't have
36:14the same spring in his step
36:16as he did in the movie.
36:17He's starting to realize
36:18oh shit
36:20like this is
36:20this is going to be
36:21every night isn't it?
36:23He's a bit old.
36:24In a Facebook post
36:25the police called the video
36:26quote
36:26a scene that leaves
36:27little room for doubt.
36:29But this wasn't
36:30the only big trash news
36:32this week.
36:33Does anyone know
36:33what surprise
36:34an Ohio sanitation worker
36:36got this week
36:37when he opened up
36:38the trash bin?
36:39It better not be a baby.
36:41I'm sick of those stories.
36:42No this is not sand.
36:43Oh then it's a foot.
36:50Here's Chicago's
36:51ABC 7
36:52with the answer.
36:53An unsuspecting
36:54sanitation worker
36:55got quite the scare
36:56when they popped
36:57the top on a bin
36:57not finding trash
36:59but a person
37:00wedged inside
37:01who upon spotting police
37:02quickly bolted
37:03and was later arrested.
37:05Police posting online
37:06saying as luck would have it
37:08Oscar the Grouch
37:09as we've nicknamed
37:09our suspect
37:10appeared at just
37:11the right place
37:11and the right time.
37:13I feel like the cop
37:14was already looking
37:15for the suspect
37:15like it was already
37:16a foot chase
37:17and he was hiding
37:17in the bin
37:18and then the trash
37:19truck came
37:20and now you gotta choose
37:21between being compacted
37:23or going to jail.
37:25Yeah.
37:26Whatever he did
37:26he did that shit.
37:28That's missing words.
37:30More after the break.
37:37Welcome back.
37:38It's time for
37:39Which Is Higher?
37:40Teams, I will give you
37:41two unrelated numbers
37:42from the news.
37:43You tell me
37:44which is higher.
37:45The amount director
37:47Peter Jackson paid
37:48to de-extinct
37:49the New Zealand moa
37:51a giant bird
37:52that went extinct
37:52600 years ago
37:53or the record breaking
37:55amount influencer
37:56Logan Paul
37:57just sold his
37:58ultra rare
37:59Pokemon illustrator
38:00card for
38:01at auction.
38:02You can un-extinct
38:04something?
38:04And that's what
38:05he chose?
38:06You don't know
38:06how that bird tastes.
38:07That New Zealand
38:08boa might be
38:09some good wings
38:10on that one.
38:11Now I feel like
38:12I read an article
38:13about this Logan Paul
38:14Pokemon thing.
38:15He bought it
38:15for like 5 million
38:17and then he turned
38:17around and sold
38:18it for a fortune.
38:19Now no one
38:20has ever needed
38:21anything less
38:22than people need
38:23these two things.
38:26I hope they both
38:27cost $80 million.
38:28The amount
38:29Peter Jackson
38:30paid to de-extinct
38:32the New Zealand
38:33moa is $15 million
38:35and the amount
38:36that Logan Paul
38:37just sold
38:38his ultra rare
38:39Pokemon card for
38:40is approximately
38:41$16.5 million.
38:44So the Pokemon
38:46card is higher.
38:48Everywhere you go
38:49someone's gonna be like
38:50look at that emu
38:50and you have to go
38:51it's not an emu.
38:53It's actually
38:54special and expensive.
38:56In order to bring
38:57back the New Zealand
38:58moa Peter Jackson
38:59has partnered with
39:00Colossal Biosciences
39:02a genetic engineering
39:03company that's also
39:04trying to bring back
39:05other animals
39:06from back in the day
39:07like the woolly mammoth
39:08the dire wolf
39:09the Tasmanian tiger
39:11and the dodo bird.
39:13The bird that was so dumb
39:14it died?
39:15Yeah.
39:16Meanwhile Logan Paul's
39:17rare Pikachu
39:18illustrator card
39:19was purchased
39:20for $16,492,000
39:24by an avid collector
39:26who has a connection
39:27to this very show.
39:29Uh panel
39:29which child
39:31of a former guest
39:32on Have I Got News
39:33for You
39:34bought the card?
39:36I really don't feel
39:37like Gritty
39:38was ever a guest
39:40on Have I Got News
39:41Well who's
39:42the richest person?
39:43The card was bought
39:44by AJ Scaramucci
39:46son of Anthony Scaramucci
39:49Oh the mooch
39:50But it turns out
39:51his plan of buying
39:52the Pokemon card
39:53is part of
39:54a larger plan.
39:55Uh here's
39:56the young mooch
39:57junior uh explaining
39:58why he bought
39:59the card.
40:00The real story
40:01is I'm on a
40:03planetary treasure hunt
40:04right now
40:05and I'm on a quest
40:06What?
40:07to buy
40:08a T-Rex
40:09dinosaur fossil
40:11that's on my list
40:12What?
40:13I'm gonna buy
40:13the Declaration of Independence
40:15maybe from you
40:15Yep
40:16We'll find out
40:16Bro this is crazy
40:19Everything in that clip
40:20was brought to you
40:20by Ketamine
40:23That was Witches Hire
40:25We'll be right back
40:28Time for a game
40:30called
40:30Who's That Baby?
40:32I'll show you
40:32a famous person's
40:34baby picture
40:34and you tell me
40:35Who's That Baby?
40:38Let's see the baby
40:39This baby has
40:40a black belt in judo
40:42Okay
40:43They won their last
40:44election in a landslide
40:45Oh
40:47And they're a former
40:48KGB officer
40:49who invaded Ukraine
40:50Okay
40:51I'm gonna just
40:52throw it out there
40:52that it might be Putin
40:55Great guest
40:56That's my teammate
40:56right there
40:57That's a great guest
40:58Bomani
40:58That baby is
40:59Vladimir Putin
41:01Julia
41:02As someone who spent
41:03a lot of time
41:04in Russia growing up
41:05Do all the school day
41:06pictures look like that?
41:08That is your school day
41:09picture growing up
41:10in Russia?
41:11So like
41:11there is no specific
41:13job for like
41:13baby photographers
41:14or child photographers
41:15They just tell the kid
41:17there is no Santa
41:19and then they take
41:19the picture
41:21Merry Christmas
41:22That was Who's That Baby
41:24I want to thank our guests
41:25Julia Yaffe
41:26and Bomani Jones
41:27And of course
41:28thank you to our team
41:29Captain Jamba Ruffin
41:30and Michael Ian Black
41:32Before we sign off
41:34here are a few more stories
41:36we are watching this week
41:37New York boy wins
41:39Pizza Hut
41:40Book It Challenge
41:45Everybody at work
41:46knows you're high
41:52I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:53and I'll see you next week
41:54for another episode
41:55of Have I Got News for You
41:56and I did not agree
41:57for this deposition
41:58to be filmed
42:00tonight
42:00you
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