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00:07Previously on Malcolm and the Mimble
00:15What are you looking at?
00:18Whee!
00:20You've been stealing money from the church
00:32You're going to put your hands inside of mommy
00:35And take out this baby
00:38And someone actually asked for more of this
00:43Life is unfair
00:51I really appreciate the opportunity
00:53Everyone in my class was after this internship
00:56I fought tooth and nail for it
00:57No problem, we are glad to have you
00:59So, what do you guys do?
01:02Well, we install computer systems
01:05In grocery store chains and food manufacturers
01:07To align their inventory software
01:09With food banks and shelters all across the country
01:11So instead of unused food getting dumped
01:14It goes to people who actually need it
01:15Got it, and what is a food bank?
01:20Maybe watch our video a few more times
01:22Yeah, I look different
01:29But hey, everything about me is different
01:32I'm happy, I'm successful
01:34I've learned to work productively with idiots
01:36My life is fantastic now
01:40You want to know how I did it?
01:41All I had to do is stay completely away from my family
01:46Here we go
02:00You know, I think you are finally beginning to thin out
02:03These things have lasted for six months
02:05You know, I can call back later
02:07Come on, Dewey, you've seen this like a thousand times
02:09It's just a normal human body doing normal human behavior
02:12Undergrowth
02:16How's the concert tour?
02:18It's fine, but I'm really sorry I'm not going to make your anniversary party
02:22I'm sad too, but you cannot turn down a chance to play for royalty
02:25I mean, what if Carl Gustav wants to give you a knighthood or a sword or something?
02:29Is Jamie going to make it?
02:30I think so, he put in for a leave
02:31Towel, towel, towel
02:35Trauma averted, thank you
02:39Hey Dewey
02:40Hi Kelly, how's school?
02:41Beneath me, how's Sonia?
02:43Oh, um, it's not Sonia anymore, it's Lisbon
02:45No, Annette, anyway, she's good, we're really connecting
02:49We're going to go shopping later
02:51Do them want to come?
02:54Him can't come with we, us has homework
02:57Hey, he's trying, don't mock him for it
02:59I'm not afraid of you
03:00That's not
03:01I get good grades, I help around the house
03:03I'm your only kid without a file at the police station
03:06I'm untouchable
03:07Yeah, well, it wouldn't kill you to tell your father you loved him every once in a while
03:12I love you
03:13Oh, that just sounds sarcastic
03:15I love you
03:16Now you sound annoyed
03:18I kind of do, it's your timbre
03:20I love you, I love you, I love you
03:23The middle one was nice, thank you
03:28So back in college, I completely turned my life around
03:31Because I realized, the less contact I have with my family, the less I act like a sociopath
03:37I've become more patient, less angry, way more mature
03:42Anytime I am around them, it takes me like two seconds to revert
03:46For crying out loud, I speak fluent Spanish
03:48I know how to say quesadilla
03:50I don't know, it sounded like you said cusadilla
03:52Oh no, you're like quesadilla
03:55Siempre hacen esto
03:56Intenta colegir a las personas por algo de lo que no sabes nada
03:59Say exactamente como van a enseñar quesadilla
04:02Quesadilla
04:03That's it, that already said it
04:05That's what I said, quesadilla
04:12Grandma's television was plasma
04:13I had to watch two episodes of frickin' Dexter with her
04:16And it was obvious from the rich, deep black
04:18You're insane
04:19She bought that TV in 2015, alright?
04:21They already had full array LEDs
04:22With the same picture quality for a quarter of the price
04:26It's not showing off
04:27It's a completely sensible mid-price sedan
04:30Why don't you just admit you're stuck up
04:32And shoving your shiny new car in my face to make me feel bad
04:34Is this stuck up?
04:36Is this showing off?
04:39Is this me trying to make you feel bad?
04:42It's not them
04:43It's me
04:45Being around them
04:46So I've arranged my life to ensure absolute minimum contact
04:49My house is a two-layover flight from anyone
04:52I'm always swamped with work on holidays
04:55But I also create the illusion of closeness
04:57With effusive emails
04:59And phone calls
05:00And birthday cards
05:01Saying how much I miss them
05:02And I can't wait to see them
05:03It's really important to me
05:05Not to hurt their feelings
05:06Because then
05:07They'll make me talk to them about it face to face
05:10Welcome to Huge Mart
05:12Where our deals are
05:13You still need a 200 pack of votive candles
05:14And a thousand feet of ruby tassel garland
05:17Oh, there's gold
05:18No, 40th anniversary's ruby
05:19Not gold
05:20Get in the game, Hal
05:22Hey, lovebirds
05:24I hid your mini disco balls
05:26Thank you, Craig
05:27They're in the clone aisle
05:28Behind my signature scent
05:32Which is?
05:33Suave Sauvage, for him
05:35Already got it
05:37So, how do you like the new job?
05:39Well, my heart belongs to Lucky Aid
05:42But after they denied my promotion
05:43And that mysterious, untraceable fire
05:46I'm glad I found a new home
05:47Lois, come quick
05:49It's like it's that famous celebrity you like
05:52It's the same time street
05:53My pants down
05:53No, no, shh
05:55No, no, shh
06:15Right
06:44But swimming in your water
06:45For too long
06:47For too long
06:50For too long
06:51For too long
06:54Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
06:56Yeah, yeah, yeah
06:58Can't I just stay here
07:01Spend the rest of my days here
07:05Cause your sex takes me to paradise
07:09Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
07:12Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
07:15Cause your sex takes me to paradise
07:18Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
07:22Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
07:32That's it
07:33Now it's my meatball.
07:36Okay, let's take it from the Saints Park.
07:38Guys, the moment was magical. Let's not go past it.
07:42It was lovely.
07:43Hal, thank you.
07:44Well, it was just a little weird two weeks before the anniversary.
07:47No! Before or after the party.
07:49We agreed. You can do anything you want, as often as you want, before or after.
07:54The actual anniversary day is mine. You promise.
07:57Under duress, I'll promise anything when you do that thing.
08:02Hal, for 39 years of anniversaries and birthdays and really every celebration,
08:07you do the most wonderful, romantic, amazing grand gestures.
08:11The fireworks display? Releasing those doves?
08:15That should have been done outside and away from the fam.
08:18And now this once, I want to be the one deciding how we celebrate
08:22and not have your plans just happen to me.
08:27Uh, yeah.
08:28Why don't you play with your friends while I finish up?
08:33She makes it seem like every little romantic gesture I've ever made is crazy.
08:39No, no. It won't hurt to let Lois do it exactly the way she wants to for once.
08:44Oh. So I just sit back, do nothing like I don't even love her?
08:47No, no, no. Not on my watch.
08:48Hal, please. You're the only one of us still married.
08:51Do not break a promise to that woman.
08:53I would never. Lois gets her day.
08:57But until then, every moment of every day, I will show her so much love,
09:01she will run screaming at the sight of me.
09:17Nice, right? And this isn't even the best thing. The best thing. The best thing in the whole world is
09:23who's inside it.
09:24My daughter, Leah. She's kind of a trophy I won in college for attending my first kegger.
09:29She hates that joke.
09:33Her mother, Dreamer. Yes, her name is Dreamer.
09:37Ran off three days after giving birth. So, single father.
09:40But I'm good at it. I just imagine what my parents would do and do the exact opposite.
09:45It's not that hard.
09:50I won't make it worse. I won't make it worse.
09:56Just so you know, I don't cry like this all the time.
09:59I also do depressed apathy, paralyzed embarrassment, and impotent fury.
10:07It's a rich inner life.
10:10Sweetie, what's wrong?
10:11Allison Gibgott invited me to her birthday party.
10:15Why is that sad?
10:17You want the list?
10:18I only want...
10:18Allison and her friends did this as a joke.
10:20They know I know they don't want me to go.
10:22If I do go, they'll freeze me out until I burst into tears,
10:25and Daddy comes to get me, which is what they really want.
10:28I'm completely isolated at school.
10:30I've never had any friends, and my personality, by which I mean your personality,
10:35makes it impossible for me to ever have any.
10:39Okay, well, do you want my list?
10:41You're intelligent.
10:42You're beautiful, and hardworking, and incredibly perceptive, and...
10:46Yeah, thanks for that, too.
10:47That's how I notice every smirk, and slight, and microscopic eye roll aimed at me since first grade.
10:53Why'd you have to be so gentle with me growing up?
10:55I have no armor!
10:57Leah, look, I am so sorry you're going through this, but I promise it'll get better.
11:02It got so much better for me once I went off to college.
11:05So that's less than a... a decade.
11:10It's actually worse when he tries hard.
11:15Why'd that make you nervous?
11:17What?
11:17Your phone.
11:18Why did that call make you nervous?
11:20I'm not nervous.
11:21It was just work and we're talking.
11:24Maybe my concern for how upset you are is coming across as nervous.
11:27And why do you keep it so hot in here?
11:29I want to be alone now anyway.
11:31Okay.
11:32I'm not going to smother you.
11:34But I'm here for you.
11:36Like always.
11:37I love you.
11:39Really love you.
11:43Love you so much.
11:49Malcolm, I need you to call me back today about our anniversary.
11:52We have to know when you're coming.
11:53And we know you're coming.
11:54Because you would never be that monstrously inconsiderate.
11:57Love you.
11:59I didn't answer Dad's voicemail yesterday, so I knew it would escalate to Mom.
12:03I wrote the email.
12:04Sorry, I was in emergency meetings till late and I just heard your voicemail.
12:07I scheduled that to send at 2.16am.
12:10That way I look considerate for emailing instead of calling her back.
12:13Trust me.
12:14She'll check the timestamp.
12:16I have to set up six more food banks this month, but barring a crisis, I'll be there.
12:20That's what's great about running a charity.
12:23Anything I say is a crisis, is a crisis.
12:26For charity.
12:29I scored the cut, dry fitted twice, so now I glue it down.
12:33Perfect.
12:33This is so easy, I had no idea.
12:35I can't wait to start the gazebo next week.
12:38You know, Reese, doing these projects together every weekend,
12:42and I love it more than anything.
12:44Me too.
12:45I have to confess, though, that this floor was fine.
12:51You don't actually have to rotate floor tiles every six months.
12:55I know.
12:56You do?
12:58But almost every job we've done, the car, the backyard irrigation, the washing machine,
13:03they didn't need to be done either.
13:05It's my favorite thing to do anyway.
13:06I'm spending a lot of money fixing things that don't need fixing.
13:12And since this is really just about us spending time together, maybe we can do jigsaw puzzles.
13:18No.
13:18I know how to do puzzles.
13:20You steal one piece, so you're the only one that can finish it.
13:24We have to be building or fixing things.
13:26Whoa.
13:27What's going on?
13:31Dad, have you ever heard of a metaphor?
13:36Yes, Reese.
13:38We all know my life sucks.
13:40I ruin my job, my marriages.
13:43I don't really have any friends.
13:46That's not the metaphor yet.
13:48Ready?
13:49Things like gluing these tiles so they fit together perfectly is a metaphor for me fitting in with people.
13:56And these tools are a metaphor for you and all the things in life you're teaching me.
14:02Mm-hmm.
14:02Dad, you're a tool.
14:05A tool to help me build my life back.
14:09I will always be your tool.
14:15You know what's great about going to a fancy private high school?
14:20Nothing.
14:21It was the same emotional shithole as every other high school.
14:26Yeah.
14:27Hi, Allison.
14:28Did you get my invitation?
14:30It's going to be really fun.
14:31Dad got an aura camera.
14:32I did.
14:33Thanks.
14:34Great.
14:35See you there.
14:46Leah?
14:48Oh, hey Cheyenne.
14:49I couldn't finish my math homework.
14:51Can you show me how to do a slope intercept?
14:53Of course.
14:54I don't mind at all.
14:55I'm always happy to help.
14:56You know, you don't have to panic about it.
14:58I wasn't panicking.
15:00Oh.
15:01It's just, I can see where you've been pulling out your hair.
15:04I'm not saying you pull out your hair.
15:06It's probably just ringworm.
15:07And that's easy to fix.
15:09Eight weeks of fungicide pills.
15:10Because it's not an actual worm inside your head.
15:12It's a fungus.
15:16Oh, God.
15:17What do I do?
15:18Make it seem like I was joking?
15:19All right, thank you.
15:21All right, thank you.
15:25Come on.
15:26What is wrong with her?
15:29I'm really sorry about the whole thing.
15:31You othered Cheyenne in view of the peer group.
15:34Yeah.
15:34I knew I was upsetting her and I was trying to fix it,
15:36but I kept making it worse because right before,
15:39other girls hurt my feelings, so I wasn't thinking clearly.
15:42I'm not blaming them.
15:44They can't help it.
15:45Robert Sapolsky has pretty compelling research
15:47that endorphin levels actually spike
15:48with members of an in-group exclude or attack
15:50members of an out-group.
15:52At least with chimpanzees.
15:57He's on YouTube.
16:08Once a week, he'll stand in the front yard,
16:11shirtless and flex.
16:17Get ready.
16:18I mean, you're gonna see something shocking.
16:22Hey!
16:22I'm proud of us.
16:24We actually got all the way to the bed before we went at it.
16:29Tristan.
16:30My girlfriend.
16:31I mean, it is so much more than that.
16:34She loves me.
16:35I know.
16:36It sounds like a lie to me, too.
16:41How was your day?
16:42It was good.
16:43We won the Grosvenor Innovation Grant.
16:45I beat an AI.
16:47Dude, you don't have to keep proving how smart you are.
16:50I really don't care.
16:51Oh, except for my taxes.
16:53That was awesome.
16:54So what do you care about?
16:56I care that you always listen to me.
16:58And that you're supportive.
17:00And that you keep your promises.
17:04And mostly I care that you understand in a deep and complete way who I am inside.
17:13And you love me anyway.
17:15And I am so grateful for that.
17:18Jesus, I thought we were just doing banter.
17:23I've got to get a line.
17:27She's going to like me.
17:29Right?
17:29Are you kidding?
17:30Leah's going to love you.
17:31You're as worried as I am.
17:33What makes you say that?
17:33Because you know that if she doesn't like me, we can't move forward.
17:38I mean, eventually we'd have to break up.
17:40But I have so many plans to prevent that.
17:43Mutual interest outings, weekly kindness days, shared journaling.
17:46There's one where you hold on to the end of a yarn ball and you pass it back and forth
17:50to each other.
17:50And you keep saying nice things.
17:52And you keep throwing it until you guys are both tied up really tight together in the yarn.
17:58I'm betting on us.
18:00Look, you can make friends with anyone.
18:02I've seen it.
18:02And it's obvious how much we love each other.
18:04Leah's going to see that and she's going to want to be a part of it.
18:06I don't know.
18:07When I was her age, I hated myself and everything in my field of vision.
18:11So shall I grow it?
18:12Can we wait for that?
18:14No.
18:14No.
18:15No.
18:15It is past time we did this.
18:17We're doing it.
18:19Okay.
18:20You're also honest and sincere and sensitive.
18:25Not to mention, in bed, the way you combine enthusiasm and startling physical strength with a clear understanding of nuance.
18:36Yeah.
18:38Tristan likes green, so maybe wear your chinos.
18:41She went to private school too, so you can talk about that.
18:43And politics just makes her upset.
18:47Movies.
18:47She can talk about them all day.
18:49But she loves rom-coms, so don't you say anything snotty.
18:52You can write this down if you want.
18:53I would, but my pen is busy doing actual homework.
18:57Sweetie.
18:57So when do I yell, I want my real mommy, and run out in tears?
19:01I'll surprise you.
19:02Please.
19:03This is important to me.
19:04Dad, I get it.
19:05It's your only chance for love, and I have complete control over your future happiness.
19:12Every parenting book says I shouldn't let you believe that.
19:19Kelly, where are you?
19:20What can I do?
19:21Are you okay?
19:21What's the matter?
19:22That I have to make up a lie to get my own brother to answer the phone?
19:25You have to promise me you'll come to mom and dad's anniversary.
19:27Kelly, I'm trying.
19:29Hey, listen to me.
19:30All they talk about is whether or not you'll be there.
19:32They're old, Malcolm.
19:34They could die any second.
19:35Decapitated in a car wreck.
19:37Slowly choking to death on a respirator from some lingering illness.
19:41Stabbed over and over by some drifter they took in.
19:43Clock is ticking, busy boy.
19:45You can do this for them.
19:46I am doing everything I can to be there, but my charity just has me so busy all the time.
19:50So you can figure out all this advanced infrastructure for hundreds of charities and corporations,
19:54but even after six months' notice, you can't plan half a day off?
19:58Wow, that's almost mom level.
20:01Okay.
20:01At their age, they're a little self-righteous, simultaneously overconfident, and insecure.
20:07Validate their intentions and blow some smoke.
20:09Look, I am glad that you see how important this is for mom and dad.
20:12They are lucky to have you looking out for them.
20:13Other kids your age aren't half as perceptive.
20:17What?
20:18I'm on the phone.
20:19Okay.
20:20Look, I am so sorry, but I do have to get back to work.
20:23But don't worry.
20:25I'm sure I can be there.
20:25Love you.
20:26Hey, Linda, can you print me that report?
20:29With that one, you gotta get in and out before they can think too much.
20:32How do you not allow glitter?
20:34You're a party venue.
20:36I just want a couple of handfuls for people to toss during our spotlight dance.
20:41Okay, so no glitter.
20:43Did our monogrammed cocktail stirrers with the little hearts.
20:46Did they come in?
20:47No, no.
20:48They come with the Radiant Elegance Package.
20:52The Radiant Mystique Elegance Package.
20:55How much does that cost?
21:00Okay, let's do it.
21:02Such nonsense.
21:04I'm sorry to be taking all the attention away from your 40th birthday.
21:08Mom, I'm a 39.
21:09I was born on your first anniversary, not your wedding day.
21:1439?
21:17Of course you are.
21:18Hey, how are you guys enjoying the new guest suite?
21:20The garage?
21:21Yeah.
21:22Once we unpacked the bag, stomped a few spiders, got the plastic tarp off the bed.
21:26It was real homey.
21:27Me and dad did all the renovations.
21:28Your brother's become quite the handyman.
21:30Well, it is great.
21:32A heads up the toilet wasn't connected.
21:34Would have been cool.
21:35You know, we could afford a motel.
21:37Absolutely not.
21:38We love having you here.
21:39Besides, you gotta save up some money until you get a solid job.
21:42Mom, I've been there 15 years.
21:44I'm senior management.
21:45I have 75 people under me.
21:47That's 75 people plotting to replace you.
21:50And you need to retie your bows.
21:52They need to be droopy.
21:53They droop?
21:54They need to droop languidly.
21:56Look at your father's.
21:58Your knots are too crisp.
22:00Use baby hands.
22:01Why don't you criticize his bows?
22:02Those aren't languid, they're turgid.
22:04Dad likes me better than you now.
22:06Did you ever talk to Malcolm?
22:08No, we keep trading emails back and forth.
22:10I know he's doing good things, but he is gonna work himself to death.
22:14I just got off the phone with him.
22:17He's not coming.
22:23Okay.
22:24We can do this.
22:25It's gonna be great.
22:26Love you.
22:27Do you need to pee?
22:28No.
22:28Yes.
22:29No.
22:34Leah, we're here.
22:38Leah, this is Tristan.
22:41Hi.
22:43Hi, Leah.
22:50Good.
22:51We're easing in slowly.
22:53There's no rush.
22:58So, how much did he prep you?
23:06When you were four, you tried to scare Miss Rachel into canceling preschool by saying her mold didn't look right.
23:14You have to twist your hamburger bun exactly three times so the condiments smear evenly.
23:21You refuse an award from the state young scientist challenge because you thought it would make you a famous nerd.
23:26You love being a physical therapist, but you are grossed out when you have to touch old people.
23:32You fly into a spitting rage if you do Wordle in three.
23:34I do.
23:36Sometimes when you stand up too fast, you fart.
23:39And I have to ignore.
23:41I do.
23:42You don't.
23:44Now, him.
23:45Has he ever told you about his reluctant move into politics?
23:49Oh, my God.
23:51No.
23:51One time I found a notepad where he wrote assemblyman, congressman, lieutenant governor.
23:57And the thing with the after shape.
24:03Why?
24:03I don't know.
24:06I've never been so happy to be humiliated in my life.
24:09It always does.
24:10This could be my family.
24:11My last checkbox.
24:12This is amazing.
24:14Malcolm.
24:15We are not doing this by email or text or over the phone or by Zoom.
24:19We are going to talk about it.
24:21No matter what you have to arrange, you are going to be at our anniversary with the rest of the
24:25family.
24:26Dad?
24:32You have a daughter?
24:34She's alive?
24:38What's happening?
24:44You made me do this!
24:46Malcolm.
24:47This family's non-stop anti-social behavior and mindless belligerence and myopic priorities are toxic to me!
24:53Every single bad thing that happened to my life is your fault!
24:57Getting away from you is how I finally stopped being such an asshole!
25:01Wait, so your biggest problem is that we exist?
25:11No!
25:12I don't know!
25:14I don't know!
25:15No!
25:16Who are you?
25:17I don't know!
25:19How could you do this to your family?!
25:21No!
25:22Stop!
25:22Stop! You insisted on barging in on my home, okay?
25:26Without an invitation, so you can at least give me the courtesy to explain myself.
25:30Please, sit down.
26:05No, no, no, no!
26:23Maybe, I don't know
26:26Can you repeat the question?
26:30You're not the boss of me now
26:32You're not the boss of me now
26:34And you're not so big
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