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taskmasterclass s01e03
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00:14Okay.
00:15Are you having a laugh?
00:17No way!
00:18Gosh!
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00:39Welcome to another episode of Taskmaster Class with me, Greg Davies, your Taskmaster.
00:43And me, Alex Horne, your Taskmaster's assistant.
00:48Today, you, Greg, have decided to use Taskmaster as a vehicle to discuss the state of comedy in modern-day
00:54Britain.
00:55That is correct.
00:57To help us along, I've created this pie chart which details the frequency of different types of humour that can
01:02be found on Taskmaster.
01:04Oh, how fascinating.
01:05And this is completely accurate, is it?
01:07No, this is all just my gut instinct.
01:10Yeah, as usual, a waste of everyone's time.
01:12Still, I suppose it does show that different people laugh at different things.
01:15For example, you and I have vastly contrasting ideas about comedy, don't we?
01:21APPLAUSE
01:21You know I like you a lot.
01:22Yeah.
01:23So I've spent all my money on a present for you.
01:25Would you like your gift?
01:26Yes, please.
01:27I've got you a horse-drawn carriage.
01:30Ooh!
01:31Ooh!
01:31The trouble is horses can't draw.
01:34Horses...
01:34LAUGHTER
01:37Do you get it?
01:39I do get it.
01:40I do get it.
01:40I think I should properly display this.
01:43Perhaps you two gentlemen would hold it up for me.
01:45Would you guys come up?
01:48A horse-drawn carriage.
01:49Funny, isn't it?
01:51LAUGHTER
01:55Exactly.
01:56But the point is, Taskmaster is a broad comedic church
01:59that is comfortable broadcasting everything from Alex's laboured puns
02:03to the sort of weird surrealism practised by Romesh Ranganathan.
02:15Do something that will look impressive in reverse.
02:17The Taskmaster will see whatever act you perform played backwards,
02:23you must therefore do something backwards
02:25that will look impressive when the footage is played in reverse.
02:30If I jump off a cliff, I'll jump onto the top of the cliff.
02:34Is that what you're thinking?
02:35No.
02:36So I'm going to do something backwards.
02:42Tree wizard, back from the dead to create some balloons.
02:45Tree wizard, hands together, he creates a balloon.
02:50Tree wizard, has to make sure he double checks the balloon.
02:55Tree wizard, oh my God, it's another balloon.
03:00Tree wizard, how many times will he check the balloon?
03:05Tree wizard, magical hands and holy shit, it's another balloon.
03:09Tree wizard, takes position, what is he gonna do?
03:15Tree wizard, flies up to his tree and waves goodbye to you.
03:20Tree wizard, tree wizard, tree wizard.
03:30Yes, you love all that smutty stuff, don't you?
03:37I prefer the word ribald.
03:39Dirty boy!
03:42What's the prize task, you fool?
03:44Yes, this one has universal appeal because they've been asked to bring in
03:48the nicest thing to put your finger in.
03:51Hmm.
03:52This is a BAFTA winning show.
03:54The owner of the thing, the taskmaster thinks there's the nicest thing
03:57to put his finger in will be awarded five points.
04:00And at the end of the episode, the winner will take home five finger worthy things.
04:03Yes, it's a really glovely prize.
04:06I don't know.
04:07I don't know.
04:08I don't know.
04:09Bridget, what have you brought in?
04:11Fart putty.
04:12Oh, fart putty, good.
04:15It's really cold and really feels so good, but also goes...
04:21We do actually have a video of it doing that noise.
04:24Here we go.
04:27It sounds better than that normally.
04:30Does it?
04:30When I had my daughter, she was induced.
04:33And the doctor had to break my waters.
04:36They used like a little hook.
04:39But he was really nervous and kept doing it wrong.
04:42So he kept going in and out and it was like...
04:47So I had to try and make him feel more relaxed.
04:49I was like, oh, weren't you wearing a watch a minute ago?
04:57And he was like in and out.
04:58And I was like, oh, this is like that fart putty.
05:01Oh.
05:02Woo!
05:04It's funny, isn't it?
05:05I'm sort of surprised that we've arrived at this destination
05:08when we got on at Silly Putty Station.
05:12Judy.
05:13I've brought in warm custard.
05:17It's got to be a bigger bowl, though.
05:18It's got to be a bigger bowl.
05:20Oh, you put your whole head in.
05:21Well, you know, sometimes once you put the fingers in,
05:24you do want to put your face in.
05:25Hello!
05:26Psst!
05:30So, we've seen a couple of ways our comedians can make us laugh,
05:38but comedy isn't necessarily deliberate, is it?
05:41No!
05:42The incompetent slice of your pie
05:44shows that the public deeply enjoy laughing at abject failure.
05:47Obviously, it'd be cruel to single anyone out, so...
05:50Here's John Kearns.
06:02Oh!
06:04Hi, Fern.
06:05Hiya.
06:07Hello, Mania.
06:07Alex, let me tell you this right now.
06:09I've got a good feeling about this.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:16Get the most pleasure...
06:18Pleasure?
06:19Pleasure from all of these rubber shoots.
06:22You have 30 minutes.
06:24Your time starts...
06:26now.
06:27So, first thoughts, just a massive slide.
06:32Slide.
06:33I wish they were bigger, cos I'd just make a slide.
06:37Well, I would just go inside.
06:39And then what would you do?
06:42Have a sleep.
06:45I'm going to need five little chocolates, five little trockies.
06:53Have pleasure. Oh, I'm going to have a lot of pleasure.
06:57Here we go.
07:01Ooh!
07:06Oh, yeah!
07:12Is it pleasurable? Oh, yeah.
07:16Where's the chockeys, huh?
07:18You'll find them.
07:19Have a little!
07:21Oh! Whoo! Yeah!
07:26Whoa.
07:29Whoa.
07:29Whoa.
07:31Arrgh!
07:33Arrgh!
07:34Arrgh!
07:35That's it?
07:36Yes, John?
07:37I'm going to have some pleasure time now.
07:39All right, do you want me to lower the flat?
07:40Yes, please.
07:41Yes, please.
07:42Have pleasure.
07:47Okay.
07:48That was fantastic!
07:50Could you lift my flap?
07:52Yes, I'd love to.
07:53Here we go.
07:53Arrgh!
07:57Arrgh!
07:58Arrgh!
07:59Arrgh!
08:00Arrgh!
08:01Arrgh!
08:01Arrgh!
08:02Fuck me.
08:03Imagine I get this.
08:04Genuine pleasure.
08:09Arrgh!
08:09Arrgh!
08:10Arrgh!
08:11Arrgh!
08:12Shit!
08:13But it's fun.
08:14This is the thing.
08:14It's very pleasurable.
08:15Okay.
08:17Arrgh!
08:18Arrgh!
08:19Throw the ball.
08:20Arrgh!
08:21And it's straight in.
08:23Arrgh!
08:25You've got to leap like a salmon.
08:26Yeah, I will, yeah.
08:28Arrgh!
08:30Arrgh!
08:31Arrgh!
08:31Arrgh!
08:32Arrgh!
08:33Arrgh!
08:33Arrgh!
08:39Arrgh!
08:42Arrgh!
08:43Arrgh!
08:43Arrgh!
08:43Didn't even hit the bell!
08:45APPLAUSE
08:48John, what's your definition of pleasure?
08:53Doing something well.
08:55Arrgh!
09:00If I put it to you, you were demonstrably in pain throughout most of it.
09:05Yeah, I did enjoy going down the slide,
09:07but there were five little chockies.
09:10And then, on national television,
09:12you reveal that you're not very good at football.
09:15A man so incompetent,
09:17he couldn't even enjoy himself competently.
09:20John's enjoyable struggles aren't unique, though, are they?
09:23God, no.
09:24Incredibly, I've seen even worse.
09:30Pop the balloon?
09:32What balloon?
09:38You must stay behind the rope at all times.
09:43This, ah, this rope here.
09:45Let's not move the rope.
09:47You may buy the tools you need with time.
09:50That's Shakespeare.
09:51You may buy the tools you need with time.
09:53It is Shakespeare, you're right.
09:55Fastest wins.
09:57My time starts when Alex has shown me his tool shop.
10:02Awesome. OK.
10:03Hello, Alan. Hello.
10:04This is my tool shop.
10:06Nice.
10:06I can offer you a slingshot and a bucket of stones for one minute.
10:10OK.
10:10The pebbles cost you one minute thirty per pebble.
10:16Are you OK?
10:19I'm getting the concept.
10:21Yeah, OK.
10:21Two minutes per fork or the darts are two minutes thirty per dart.
10:26The rubber ducks are free, Alan.
10:29We've also got these nice portcullis scissors
10:31and that costs you eight minutes
10:33and with them you snip the string behind you
10:36and see what happens.
10:37But that's the only time you're allowed to touch the string.
10:40But is it going to take eight minutes of the time?
10:41That will take you eight minutes, yes.
10:43Then, brother, this is not sensible.
10:45LAUGHTER
10:47I'm not confident I can hit that with a dart first time.
10:51There is a slingshot.
10:52I would love to purchase one.
10:55Right.
10:55Well, that will cost you one minute.
10:56I'm quite tempted by the scissors in that one.
10:58That will make it drop on it.
11:00Yeah, I think that's the one I want to do.
11:01You'd like some scissors?
11:02Yeah.
11:02OK, this will cost you eight minutes.
11:03OK, thanks.
11:04There we go.
11:07Oh, eat it.
11:12OK, you know what?
11:14Um, I'm going to go ahead and buy some scissors.
11:17Oh, you're going to buy the scissors?
11:20Brrrr.
11:22Oh, OK, you know what?
11:23Um, you know what?
11:24I just, I think I'm going to come for some ducks.
11:26Oh, right.
11:32Hi there.
11:32How can I help you?
11:33I would like to purchase those three darts.
11:35Three darts?
11:36Yeah.
11:37Nope.
11:38God, no.
11:43Ding dong.
11:44Hi.
11:44Let's go ahead and buy three forks.
11:46Why not?
11:46Six minutes.
11:51No!
11:51Hello there.
11:52I think I'd like to get another slingshot.
11:54Another slingshot?
11:55OK.
11:56What is wrong with your rocks?
12:01You keep hitting it with the stones.
12:03Now this is getting ridiculous.
12:05Yeah.
12:06Ding dong.
12:07Oh, hello, madam.
12:07I would love to get another set of darts.
12:10No.
12:11Maybe.
12:12Definitely not.
12:14Hi there.
12:14Ding dong.
12:15One fork and six ducks.
12:22Ding dong.
12:23I think I would love to get some forks.
12:25Well, I've got a bucket of forks here.
12:26How much is the bucket?
12:28That'll cost you an hour.
12:29That's an hour, Will Spencer.
12:30You've got yourself a deal.
12:32Enjoy your fork.
12:33Thank you so much.
12:40Oh.
12:40I didn't even know how to throw forks.
12:42Look at this.
12:43Yeah.
13:01Hello, madam.
13:02Ding dong, sir.
13:04How can I help you?
13:05You know what?
13:06Can I get some scissors?
13:07Some scissors?
13:07You've got one pair left.
13:08They cost eight minutes.
13:10In your own time, Alan.
13:11OK.
13:13Right on.
13:21I've stopped the clock.
13:22That was very chillable.
13:34It would have been great if I could have aimed the scissors.
13:37Are you kidding me?
13:40What the fuck was that?
13:42I've stopped the clock.
13:43Does the clock still have time inside of it?
13:46It's nearly one out.
13:46Thank you, Desiree.
13:59Thank you, Desiree.
14:18Are you psyched, Alex?
14:19If you mean miked, then yes, I'm miked for sound.
14:22Hello.
14:22Can you hear me?
14:23Before a break, I find Alex's jokes incredibly irritating.
14:28Yes, we're discussing humour on Taskmaster Class, and it's time to tackle the fundamentals.
14:33Jokes.
14:33Little Alex Horne.
14:35Define joke.
14:36Well, a joke, or gag, is a thing that someone says to cause amusement, especially a story with a funny
14:42punchline.
14:43A predictably dry definition.
14:45As an example, here's a joke from Phil Wang.
14:51I've gone more of a classic route, and I've got a little toy chariot with a man driving it.
14:56Absolute classic.
14:58Here's the toy.
15:01I bought it in Indonesia, so it's exotic.
15:06I haggled for this.
15:08The guy in the market, he said 100,000 rupiah, and then I said 50,000, and he said 100
15:13,000, and I said 70,000.
15:15And then he said 100,000, so I paid 100,000...
15:23I've got him a bold belt.
15:26I got it made, custom made, for this very purpose.
15:30Good.
15:30Here's the belt.
15:32And I haggled with him for this, I haggled with him, he said 50 pounds.
15:36I said 30, and he said 50, and I said 40, so I paid 50 pounds.
15:44What's the G thing you've brought in?
15:46A gold $5 bill.
15:53I think you'll agree this is very exciting.
15:55It's money made out of...
15:58You okay?
15:59No, no, I'm good.
16:00It's money made out of gold.
16:02I bought this at Lincoln Memorial, and I haggled for it.
16:05The shopkeeper said this is $30.
16:08I said 15, and she said 30, and I said 20, and she said 30.
16:13So I paid $30 for this book.
16:16You might have paid $30, but if you look closely at the back,
16:19there is a price tag as well.
16:21I don't think you see it.
16:22Oh!
16:23There we are!
16:26OK, so Phil had a good joke, but have we had many others?
16:30Oh, yes.
16:31There have been...
16:32some.
16:33Have you ever chipped a tooth, Jane?
16:34I do actually knock out this tooth, mucking around on a ferry.
16:41Brian.
16:41It was Brian.
16:44I can fit a pound coin through my two teeth.
16:47Yeah?
16:47Not that way.
16:48That way, yeah.
16:50That's so you don't get stolen from supermarkets.
16:55I've repurposed the umbrella.
16:59Come on, Bosco.
17:03He's a wire-haired border brawly.
17:08I noticed your little montage didn't include any jokes from me, Alex.
17:12Oh, I was saving the best for last.
17:15Very wise.
17:19Where comedians are trying to take each other's chairs away,
17:23leaving them, once again, as stand-ups.
17:25LAUGHTER
17:28Something else caught my attention.
17:30One.
17:32Timing how to cook an egg by reading one page of The Big Fisherman.
17:37LAUGHTER
17:38But don't worry, you were saved when Rose announced
17:40that she was going to use a mint.
17:43LAUGHTER
17:45Famously used in international time trials.
17:49Who can forget when Roger Bannister broke the four mint miles?
17:52LAUGHTER
17:56Two very good jokes there.
17:58But your finest hour came after John Richardson
18:01rescued Patatas the cat from a tree.
18:04Get down, Patatas.
18:07Ah!
18:09What a harrowing Taskmaster debut for poor Patatas.
18:13It's not a real cat, Alex.
18:15Oh, you are a little bastard!
18:18LAUGHTER
18:19Ah!
18:20Prior to the catch, what had you thrown at the cat?
18:26LAUGHTER
18:27Er...
18:28A football.
18:29Yep.
18:29Some tennis balls.
18:30Yeah.
18:30A tennis racket.
18:31Yep.
18:32A lacrosse stick.
18:35A croquet mallet, a crutch, and a space hopper.
18:37Thanks.
18:39John also called the cat a dick, and then he called me a dick.
18:41Just so you know.
18:41LAUGHTER
18:44Why did he call you a dick?
18:45He was so cross.
18:47And then...
18:47Lacrosse?
18:48He was lacrosse!
18:53Nice to see that piece of genuinely clever wordplay got the sincere respect it deserved.
18:58Yes.
18:59And wordplay brings us to the great Tim Vine.
19:02If we apply my comedy pie chart to series six only, we can see that the jokes and wordplay slice
19:07increases from 8% to a whopping 15%, thanks solely to Tim's pun-based output.
19:14I'm so bored.
19:16I've got another graph here which details Tim's wordplay data across the whole series.
19:21Tim's Vine?
19:22Oh, Christ.
19:23Proud of yourself, are you?
19:24Very.
19:25He was a one-man wordplay wonder.
19:29I've got a cat called Minton.
19:31When he eats shuttlecocks I say badminton.
19:33LAUGHTER
19:34OK.
19:36I'd collect records.
19:37That's my decision and it's vinyl.
19:41LAUGHTER
19:41Oh, come on!
19:42To stop wasps from nesting in my trousers.
19:46Right.
19:46I wear a...
19:47I would wear a waspinator belt.
19:49It is.
19:51LAUGHTER
19:53I've been to 24 weddings wearing the waspinator belt.
19:58And it was inappropriate at 21 of them.
20:02The three it wasn't inappropriate at was...
20:06Sting's wedding.
20:10Buzz Aldrin.
20:13And BB King.
20:16LAUGHTER
20:18In fact, Tim was so punny...
20:20I said punny...
20:22Yeah, I heard you.
20:23Get on with it!
20:24Sorry.
20:24..that we devised his own personal pun task.
20:30Hello, Tim.
20:31Hello, how are you?
20:33Good, thank you.
20:34Oh!
20:37Good heavens.
20:42Throwing your money around, Alex.
20:44It's exciting, wasn't it?
20:44Have I done it?
20:46Catch the money.
20:47Maybe.
20:49Make an outfit of things bought in this stationery shop.
20:53You have 10 minutes and £50 to do your shopping,
20:56then 20 minutes to make your outfit.
20:58Your time starts now.
21:02Um...
21:03Going for steam railways, Tim, is it?
21:06That is, yeah.
21:07OK.
21:07But you don't need to know any more than that, so don't...
21:13Thank you very much, the two of you.
21:14It's been very, very kind of you.
21:16Oh, sorry about that.
21:19We're off.
21:26Straight away, we've got the hat.
21:32Look at that, look.
21:33Morning.
21:37Would you like to hear some Tim Vine stats I've pulled together?
21:41Oh, no, thank you.
21:42Oh, OK.
21:45Is, um...
21:45Is Tim all right, do you know?
21:47Tim Vine?
21:48Hmm.
21:48Have you seen him since this was filmed?
21:50No, I've called him, but he didn't answer.
21:52Hmm.
21:53It's a worry, isn't it?
21:53That's joking.
21:54I can't get there.
21:57That's out of the equation.
21:59Yeah, he doesn't have email.
22:01No.
22:01Yet.
22:02I don't think he's allowed this.
22:03Not anymore.
22:05Dear me.
22:06He's not young.
22:08I never suggested he was, I've got eyes.
22:11Tim Vine, 53.
22:14I mean, this has got to be a hard watch for Jeremy Vine, hasn't it?
22:19APPLAUSE
22:26Very good.
22:27So, there is one line, there's a pun or a combination of words
22:29that explains what his outfit is.
22:32Alice Levine, what do you think the outfit represented?
22:34For a lovely, juicy extra point, here it comes.
22:37Ooh, I think it's something to do with pulling into the train stationery.
22:41Ooh, good one. Train stationery.
22:42Good.
22:42OK.
22:43I've gone for Tim Vine if he was, like, an action comic hero
22:47or something, so I've gone for stationary man.
22:50And also, like, train station, stationary man.
22:53Oh, you're licking her pun as well.
22:55Yeah.
22:55Well, no.
22:56I did finish first, so.
22:58Lisa.
22:59Do you know that song, Choo Choo Choo Boogie?
23:02Yeah, yeah.
23:03Yeah, easy.
23:04I do, yeah, I love it.
23:05I don't think I got this entirely.
23:06There's every chance I said that.
23:08OK, Russell?
23:08I'll look for train stationery as well.
23:10Did anyone get it right?
23:11Was it pulling into the train stationery?
23:13Well, let's see, shall we?
23:16Are you comfortable?
23:17Yeah.
23:18Tim, can I ask you?
23:21Is there any reason why you're covered in trains?
23:24It's a tracksuit.
23:26It's a tracksuit.
23:28It's a tracksuit.
23:30That was good.
23:32That was good.
23:33That was beautiful.
23:34Very good.
23:35But even Tim doesn't quite match up to the ultimate wordplay warrior of Taskmaster.
23:40Oh, right.
23:41Who's that, you?
23:43Er, yes.
23:44That's what you're calling yourself these days, is it?
23:46Yes.
23:47Just look at my wordplay tally for Series 6.
23:49What's that line supposed to be?
23:51That's Alex's horn.
23:53I'm trapped in a nightmare.
23:56No one challenged me to my title until Steve Pemberton swept all before him with a wordplay
24:02masterclass par excellence.
24:05We're in a small booth and I want to attack you.
24:10Hello, my G.
24:11Hello, Steve.
24:14Hmm.
24:14He's cute.
24:16Who do you think he looks like?
24:18Mr. Blobby.
24:19Best physical comedian of our generation.
24:22Er, we should crack on.
24:24Lovely.
24:24Yeah?
24:26Do the riskiest thing involving this egg.
24:28Without breaking this egg.
24:31Love that.
24:32The egg in the greatest danger that doesn't break wins.
24:35You have 20 minutes.
24:36Your time starts now.
24:39I want to tell you a story about risk.
24:41We're in the mining town of Yolkston, population half a desert.
24:45It's a Friday.
24:47Beautiful day.
24:47Sunny side up.
24:48Into town.
24:50Rides the intrepid explorer, Egbert No Bacon.
24:53And the trusty goat, Shelley.
24:57And they're trundling through here.
24:59As you can see, there's lots of CCTV.
25:01And this alerts the local poachers.
25:05And they are chasing Egbert.
25:07And there's huge risks.
25:08So Shelley has to go quickly.
25:12But there's the Omnit Express.
25:16Shelley's rearing up.
25:18The poachers run out of breath.
25:21But here's the greatest danger and the greatest risk of all.
25:24Egbert has to run over.
25:26The Krakatoa falls.
25:30And there he goes through.
25:33The Cape of Good Horn.
25:35And off into the sunset.
25:37Having allayed all risk.
25:39His brain was scrambled.
25:41But Egbert and Shelley.
25:43Go on.
25:47Oh!
25:50You made it.
25:53He's happy, is he?
25:54He's happy, yeah.
25:55Yeah.
25:56Happy as Larry.
25:57Sweaty.
25:57Yeah, he's really sweaty.
25:59But you would be.
26:00Just had all that risk.
26:03There we go.
26:04A baker's dozen of gags in 86 seconds.
26:07That's one every 6.6 seconds.
26:09Steve's magnum office.
26:12Oh!
26:12Right on my BCG.
26:14I did try and warn you.
26:24Welcome back to Taskmaster Class.
26:26Alex, recap now.
26:28OK.
26:28We're using Taskmaster to help us discuss the state of comedy in this country.
26:33Greg, I am very proud that Taskmaster offers a platform for comics to keep alive the ancient tradition of visual
26:40comedy.
26:42What do we have here?
26:45Generate a water cooler moment involving this water cooler.
26:49Most remarkable water cooler moment wins.
26:52You have one hour.
26:53Your time starts now.
26:54I'll get home now.
26:56Ha ha ha ha ha yeah.
27:02Ha ha ha ha.
27:03Ha ha ha ha ha!
27:59OK, and this is a lot.
28:00In slow motion, that's one of the shittest things I've ever seen.
28:04Can we actually see it in real time?
28:06In real time. Oh, no!
28:08It doesn't get better for you, Nish. It doesn't get better.
28:19At the time, at the time, you were so pleased.
28:22You were so pleased when you did it.
28:23Again, ambition did not quite match results.
28:27Well, in that, your foot went no higher than if you just walked past the waterfall.
28:35Hmm, there's Chaplin-esque physical comedy,
28:38and then there's just sort of being a clumsy fool, isn't there?
28:41Yes, Mel Gedroy's often walked that tightrope.
28:44Oh, bollocks!
28:46I think she was sort of like a throwback to the golden era of silent comedy,
28:50so I've knocked up a little film of her best slapstick moments.
28:54Oh, have you?
28:55Uh, yes?
28:58Uh, yes?
29:30Back than I was expecting. Well done.
29:32Oh, you enjoy slapstick, then?
29:34If you mean to enjoy watching other people get hurt in a comedic manner, then yes.
29:38Especially when it's you.
29:43Right.
29:45Use the cement mixer for something other than mixing cement.
29:49Best use of a cement mixer other than mixing cement wins.
29:53Your time starts when Alex does an impression of you.
29:56I'm Chris Ramsey!
30:06Welcome to the sausage arena.
30:11Your sausage is on the red stick and ribbon,
30:13my sausage is on the blue stick and ribbon,
30:15matching with the headbands that I've made.
30:17Now, the first person to swallow a piece of their sausage
30:22and only their sausage wins.
30:25Goggles on.
30:28You ready?
30:29Are you set?
30:31I'm set.
30:32Spin those sausages.
30:45Oh, my God!
30:46Oh, my God!
30:48Oh, my God!
30:55Because he told me that if you throw a sausage down a high street anywhere in the northeast,
30:59you're going to get a riot.
31:01I've never been north of Luton.
31:03Yeah, you should try it up there.
31:04Really?
31:05Yeah.
31:05They don't wear clothes.
31:07Oh, I'd like that.
31:10It's so fast!
31:11It's so much faster than I thought.
31:17You wouldn't last five minutes in the north.
31:20No?
31:20No, you're too weak.
31:21I am weak.
31:22They're a hardy people.
31:24Oh, dear.
31:25They have sick hide and bad attitude.
31:30Oh, God!
31:35I've got very wrapped up.
31:36Oh!
31:41I loved Chris's new sport so much that I now sausage slap you once a week, don't I?
31:46Yes.
31:46Every Thursday.
31:48Oh, God!
31:49I have swallowed some sausage.
31:54The undisputed Taskmaster King of Flapstick, however, has to be Johnny Vegas.
31:59No!
32:01This is dehumanising.
32:11Catapult this shoe into the bath using a homemade catapult contraption.
32:16Only your feet may operate your catapult contraption.
32:22You may not move the bath or this red-green.
32:28And you must build your catapult contraption on this red-green.
32:35Oh, Lord.
32:38Fastest wins.
32:39Your time starts now!
32:41So, I can only use my foot to operate it.
32:44Yes, please, Johnny.
32:46Will I do that?
32:49Let's see if I get any clearance at all.
33:06I've got a longer, a wider purchase there.
33:12One, two, three.
33:16Oh!
33:18Oh!
33:18Oh!
33:23Not bad.
33:25Do you want me to hold it, or not?
33:27No. Had an accident to work. It wasn't your fault.
33:32LAUGHTER
33:34APPLAUSE
33:37APPLAUSE
33:41Plumpy!
33:44LAUGHTER
33:49This is the one.
33:53Oh!
33:56Oh, for... Right, it'll work.
34:01Oh, for...
34:04Yes!
34:07APPLAUSE
34:08APPLAUSE
34:13At last!
34:22That's a dramatic exit.
34:29Interesting, isn't it?
34:30Where's the line between a fall that's funny...
34:33APPLAUSE
34:35..and a fall that should involve the emergency services?
34:38APPLAUSE
34:39Who's going to read the task out?
34:41Kerry Godleman is going to read the task out.
34:43BUZZ
34:44Walk over and hit that drum in exactly 9.58 seconds.
34:51LAUGHTER
34:52Also, there are two bonus points for the person
34:54with the most magnificent walk.
34:58LAUGHTER
35:00The four who are not walking are going to be blindfolded
35:03in case they get hints on what is most magnificent.
35:06James, you're first. We're going left to right.
35:08Not me first. Come on, James.
35:09Does anyone have any questions?
35:11Erm, what happens if we fall off the stage?
35:13Oh, you don't need to walk blindfolded. You should be all right.
35:17LAUGHTER
35:18APPLAUSE
35:19LAUGHTER
35:21OK, Craig, are you ready for the first walk?
35:23I'm ready for the first walk in 9.58 seconds.
35:26On my whistle. Here we go.
35:28BUZZ
35:28BUZZ
35:29BUZZ
35:30LAUGHTER
35:34LAUGHTER
35:37LAUGHTER
35:37LAUGHTER
35:39LAUGHTER
35:41APPLAUSE
35:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:44I mean, hands on heart, that is not far away from your normal walk.
35:47LAUGHTER
35:49Next to walk is Jessica Knappett.
35:51Good luck, Jess.
36:07I'll tell you to watch it, I can't believe it.
36:09It's not far away from you.
36:11Like it may make this look all the time you love this fight.
36:11I humour murth Tool
36:11LAUGHTER
36:11THEY LAUGH
36:12LAUGHTER
36:14mungkin
36:14öyle
36:15w
36:16HEough
36:22I feel tired, and I think it was worth it.
36:29Please tell me, Carol.
36:32She has set the bar pretty high.
36:44Well, that was eventful.
36:49If I don't win this task now, you are dead inside.
36:54I mean...
36:57Ladies and gentlemen, two points for the most magnificent walk.
37:01It was an act of such pure, selfless slapstick
37:04that Jess was subsequently awarded the honour
37:06of having the stage named after her.
37:09It's sort of our version of a blue plaque.
37:12And all she had to do for that honour was nearly break her own neck.
37:17MUSIC
37:24Welcome to the final part of Taskmaster Class.
37:28Doesn't hurt.
37:29We've seen how Taskmaster features all kinds of comedy.
37:33It hurts a little bit now.
37:35But it's often the simplest things that make us laugh the most.
37:39Oh, my God!
37:40LAUGHTER
37:41Yes, even I, the very highbrow Taskmaster,
37:45am not afraid to appeal to the masses with my links to ad breaks.
37:49Rust your nerves a while, and we'll see you soon for part two.
37:53Have a poo.
37:54Look at his face, he needs a poo.
37:55LAUGHTER
37:57If you're off for a poo, do factor in the wipe.
37:59You never factor in wipe time.
38:01LAUGHTER
38:04That's quite enough for now.
38:05A welcome chance for us all to have a quick stop and a plop.
38:09One wet, one dry, fresh as a daisy for part three.
38:12See you soon!
38:15Yes, I think your love for this kind of thing was shown in the astonishing private task you set for
38:22Mike Wozniak.
38:26Have a seat. Welcome on board.
38:28Thank you, Alex.
38:29Hello.
38:37Fart. Fartest wins. Your time starts now.
38:41LAUGHTER
38:48Not a lot going on at the moment.
38:51Have you tried yet?
38:52At the moment there's no, no gas in the tank, so to speak.
38:57Is there any way of putting gas in the tank?
38:58Well, I wonder.
39:00There was a guy at primary school, I think he used to have various brewing positions,
39:03he used to sway away.
39:04A lot of them involve sort of, sort of, kind of, positioning yourself like this, and so on.
39:11Because maybe there wasn't the gas in the...
39:14Let's see if I can encourage it to go the other way.
39:20Try and massage the inner, the inner Mike.
39:28I didn't know you could do this all.
39:30Neither did I.
39:31I'm going to leave you to it for the moment.
39:33You carry on.
39:34Yeah.
39:34We're now in a different season.
39:41Oh dear, oh dear.
39:42Looks like the vicar's been at the wine, doesn't it?
39:45And it all led to one of the most unforgettable events in Taskmaster history.
39:50You can go and clean yourself up if you want.
39:52Thanks, Alex.
39:52Anything, nothing else you're able to do at this stage?
39:56Well, in fact, I mean, maybe if I have a moment.
39:59It could, it could, it could, it could be that something happens.
40:03I mean, it must be possible, right?
40:05It all changed. It all changed.
40:10It was excellent, real effort.
40:21It was a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny little pop.
40:24I've stopped the clock.
40:26Wow.
40:27I'm very satisfying.
40:28Yeah, quite a long wait for that.
40:29And I think I probably need to check myself.
40:31Anyway, so I'll see you later.
40:33That is awful.
40:36Please tell me you've got a sound effect on it.
40:38Is that the genuine noise?
40:39That's the genuine noise.
40:40That's the, it's one of the worst things I've ever heard in my life.
40:43I can talk you through what I think happened, if you want.
40:46Well, it's not pleasant.
40:47I don't need you to, cos you've clearly shat yourself.
40:51That's what I thought.
40:53There was the passage of air, so I had, like,
40:57the flatus had gone through.
40:58Task tick.
40:59What it, what in fact I'd done is I'd, er, dislodged a hemorrhoid
41:04that had been, you know...
41:05Oh, God.
41:07That's, that's what you're hearing.
41:09Oh, God.
41:10You're hearing that moving through my anal canal.
41:14And, er...
41:14That's a hemorrhoid popping out.
41:16And back out into the outside in full bloom.
41:19It's still flapping about to this day.
41:22It's still loose?
41:23Oh, it's an absolute casserole down there.
41:25Oh, my God.
41:31Oh, my God.
41:34Oh, my God.
41:34Oh, my God.
41:35But you get a task, you do the task.
41:40No matter the price.
41:41Oh, my God.
41:42Wilson, Greg, when he does it, you must have been aware
41:44something had come out, but you still were so happy
41:45that you'd achieved the task.
41:46His little face.
41:47Just have a look at his little face.
41:48Let's have a look.
41:54It's so counter-intuitive, isn't it?
41:56Because in any other situation, you'd go,
41:57I hope no-one heard that.
41:59And it's the complete opposite.
42:00Did you get it?
42:02Um, Greg, do you want to give him a point at all?
42:05Gee, we've got to give him something.
42:06I mean, his family aren't staying around after that.
42:08No-one's going to begrudge him a bonus point.
42:10How many were we giving him?
42:11Just one.
42:12One, OK.
42:13Yeah, one to one hemorrhoid.
42:14So, one hemorrhoid and one point to Mike Wozniak.
42:17Yeah.
42:20So, what are you saying here?
42:21That in the entire history of Taskmaster,
42:24a BAFTA award-winning format that has featured
42:26some of the finest comics of this generation,
42:29the funniest thing to have ever happened
42:30is Mike Wozniak farting out a hemorrhoid.
42:35Well, it's either that or...
42:38Or what?
42:39Well, or this, I suppose.
42:42Alex.
42:43Hello, Adam.
42:44How are you all?
42:45We all?
42:46Well, thank you, Tim.
42:47There's something wrong with that mirror.
42:49That's because you're good.
42:53Tell the Taskmaster you love him in the most meaningful way.
42:57You've got half an hour and your time starts now.
43:00Could I do something and sort of transpose one thought
43:04into an action and ask you to take his place for it
43:09and then tell him how it felt?
43:11Mm-hm.
43:11And then you can decide whether it's meaningful, love, or it isn't.
43:16Absolutely.
43:16Great.
43:17Stop the clock.
43:18I've got a good idea.
43:19What I need is a cake around this size.
43:22I need confectioner's custard.
43:25And then I'm going to ask you to take yourself somewhere private
43:28and put your bare arse into it.
43:32LAUGHTER
43:36Now, are we clear what you're up to here?
43:39OK.
43:40I'm ready.
43:42I hope you enjoy this.
43:43It might be the only time in your life you put your bare arse in a cake.
43:46But I'll let you get on with it.
43:48All right.
43:49You all right?
43:49I'm all right.
43:51Trousers are down.
43:52Good.
43:54Right.
43:54Here we go.
43:55You ready?
43:56Yes.
44:01Ooh!
44:02LAUGHTER
44:07I'm in!
44:08Oh!
44:09Enjoy it for a bit longer.
44:11I think I've had enough.
44:23What did that feel like?
44:24It felt like nothing I'd ever felt before.
44:27It was so...
44:28in me.
44:30LAUGHTER
44:44I felt so dirty.
44:47LAUGHTER
44:49He was a different man.
44:50You were different, weren't you?
44:52Oh, for the rest of the week.
44:53Yeah.
44:54It really was.
44:56Well...
45:00Your plan was to show your love for me vicariously
45:03through my assistant.
45:05And?
45:05Well, if that was love,
45:07turns out I've not been in love before.
45:13I recommend it.
45:14I recommend it too.
45:15Yeah.
45:16There you go.
45:16I recommend doing it once.
45:17Yeah.
45:18It's got to be the right sort of chair, though,
45:20because of the angle of the squatting.
45:21I was open.
45:28There were fewer profiteroles there than there were at the start.
45:32So...
45:32Greedy bottoms!
45:34LAUGHTER
45:37So it's come to this.
45:39What Taskmaster shows us,
45:41when you boil it all down,
45:42comedy in this country is mainly about flatulence and bare arses.
45:46It does seem that way.
45:49I blame you for this.
45:50Be more highbrow in future.
45:52You... you... you be more highbrow.
45:54Right.
45:55That's it.
45:55No milk for a week.
45:57What?
45:57Or water or any liquid for one week.
46:01You'll soon learn, sweet child of mine.
46:04You'll soon learn.
46:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:25Woo!
46:28Woo!
46:30Woo!
46:30Woo!
46:31Yay!
46:311
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